Just Gone
by Where'sMyPenn
Summary: No one knows anything about the little girl. She was found on the side of the highway after the bombing of Atlanta, abandoned by her father. she wont reveal her name or age. They have a lot of questions for her, but one stands above all others. Of all the people in camp reaching out to this orphan, why does she seek refuge with the rednecks? (full description inside)
1. The Dixon's (revised)

No one knows her name, her age, or anything else about her. She was found on the side of the highway after the bombing of Atlanta, abandoned by her father. She won't talk much, and definitely won't reveal her name. She isn't comfortable around these people. Though the little girl has never met them personally, she knows the Dixon's. They're speech and mannerisms are familiar to her. When she approaches the brother one day asking for a favor, Merle takes interest in the girl. But out of all people in the camp reaching out to her, why is this orphan seeking refuge with the rednecks?

*Also available on Wattpad*

 **Disclaimer: I do not own The Walking Dead or it's characters. I only own my OC and her father**

* * *

The Dixon's

The small girl approached the brothers' camp with caution.

After the group had first made camp, she took notice of the brothers immediately.

They were familiar to her, she didn't know either of the men personally, but she recognized they way they talked, walked and acted toward others in the group.

She also recognized their isolation. She greatly envied the time they spent alone. She wasn't used being so crowded, especially at a campsite. Luckily, the rest of the group payed her no mind, the only ones that even acknowledged her were Dale and Officer Shane.

The little girl turned her head around to the RV, seeing Dale was occupied with a book. She had spent most of her time on the roof with him in silence. She enjoyed his company, and he didn't seem to mind hers. She would sit with him, the umbrella shielding them both from the sun, while she discretely observed the Dixon's.

She turned her back away from the RV, making sure that if he were to look over, he wouldn't see what she was hiding behind her back. But she kept her back also out of view of the Dixon brothers. She couldn't show them right away, she had to be sure about them first. The last time she was caught leaving camp, Officer Shane yelled at her. Not that she cared, she just didn't want to be bothered. She hated the attention. She always stayed out of everyone's way, she didn't want anyone's attention.

Except the Dixon's.

She turned her head back to the brothers, and stopped walking a short distance away from their separated camp. They were sitting across from each other. The younger brother, she heard others call: Daryl. The older brother, with the shaved head, she recognized as: Merle.

Daryl seemed to be fixing the end of an arrow, although she couldn't tell what was wrong with it. Merle was on her right, fiddling with a pocket knife, obviously bored.

 _Be Blank. Be firm. Be Blunt. Be like Daddy._ She told herself.

This was either going to go really good, or really bad.

 _Don't be annoying, the second things go in the wrong direction, just walk away. Don't care._

She felt her insides twist and turn with anxiety.

 _This was a bad idea, they don't want to talk to a little girl. Just leave, walk away before-_

"-Somethin' ya want?" Daryl looked up from the arrow in his hands.

 _Too late._

Merle followed his younger brother's eyes, raising his eyebrows at the sight of the girl. Not many would come over to them to talk, especially any of the children.

The brothers watched her, waiting for an answer. She couldn't have been more than 4'5". Her chestnut hair was put up into a high, crooked ponytail, a couple thick strands of hair had been missed, framing her round face.

Her grey eyes seemed very focused as she switched her gaze from Daryl to Merle. She shifted her right hand, holding it high behind her back, hiding what she held.

Her eyes abruptly went to the ground, unsure of what to say. She had been waiting for this, planning it, but she had never thought of exactly what to say.

"Little girlie, why don't you just head on back to your mama." Merle said, motioning with his head to the group's camp.

She looked up at Merle, grateful for something to respond with, "Mama ain't here."

"Go find her." Daryl dismissed her, returning to his task.

She almost frowned. _Be blank._ "Mama ain't here," she repeated. "Mama left Daddy, said he ain't no man. Said he had to find his own pair a stones 'fore he got her back."

Daryl glanced back up scrunching his eyebrows together, while Merle's lip twisted up into an amused grin.

"That so? Where's your Daddy at now?" Merle asked, leering over at the group's camp, he seemed genuinely curious.

"Daddy ain't here either, mister." She said with a seemingly blank expression.

"An' where'd he go?" Merle closed his pocket knife, placing his elbows on his knees, leaning forward. He was grateful for the entertainment the small girl was providing him with.

"I dunno. Officer Shane found me on the highway after he left. When Daddy didn't come back, he brought me to camp with everyone else after the bombin'."

Merle's smile faded, rolling his eyes at his brother. "Officer Shane." He mocked.

"Daddy says we should show respect for the law. Whether or not ya have it." She explained herself, hiding her embarrassment.

"An' whys that?"

"So they stay outta our business."

Merle laughed, causing a fit of coughs to erupt from his throat, "listen to you." He said when he finished, "this officer stay outta your business then?"

"Not always, mister. But I been gone since dawn, just gettin' back now. No one seemed to notice." The girl shrugged.

"What you been doin'?" Daryl asked with an accusing tone. Merle just grinned at her, he was enjoying the answers she was giving them.

She pointed behind the Dixon brothers, indicating where she'd been, avoiding the initial question.

The Dixon's briefly glanced at the wooded area behind them, then turned back to her.

"What's your name, girlie?" Merle asked.

The girl's hand tensed around the secret she held behind her back, reminding her what she was there for.

"Are either of you misters hunters?" She asked, certain she already knew the answer. Both Dixon's didn't fail to notice the questions she had dodged.

"Why." Daryl asked dismissively.

The girl considered that enough confirmation. She hesitated a moment to look toward the RV, checking if Dale was still occupied.

He was.

She slowly pulled her secret from behind her back, holding it up for the Dixon brothers to see.

Both of their eyes widened, Merle's smile disappeared from his face.

Her hand was wrapped around the tails of three squirrels, they hung from her hand, unmoving.

After a few moments of silence, the tiny brunette began to feel very self-conscious of her game. The squirrels weren't very big, in fact, one in particular was very small.

"Daddy never taught me how ta skin 'em." She said, breaking the silence

"You set snares?" Daryl asked.

She shook her head, grabbing the hem of her shirt and lifting it to reveal a slingshot, held in place by her waistband.

"Well, I'll be damned." Merle stood, laughing.

The girl visibly flinched at the older brothers sudden movement, but stayed in place.

He stalked toward her, chuckling, "Nice shot, aren't ya?"

"Daddy taught me." The girl held back her smile, secretly brimming with pride.

Merle reached toward the squirrels, "well, lil' girlie, thanks for dinner."

The girl's brows knitted together as she frowned. She stepped back immediately pulling the squirrels closer to her.

Merle stopped, it was the most emotion either brothers had seen out of her.

"You can have 'em if you teach me how ta skin 'em." She told Merle, she seemed to be glaring up at him.

Merle's face twisted into a scowl, before he could say anything, Daryl spoke, "how come your daddy never taught you?"

Her face seemed to be wiped clean of expression by the mention of her father. She switched the squirrels to her other hand. Then held up her right hand, palm out, revealing a thick pink scar that ran across her palm.

"last time I got cut."

Merle placed his hands on his hips, glancing at his younger brother, who's just shrugged in response.

"This why you came for a visit?" Merle smirked.

"Yes, mister." She nodded sheepishly.

"Why not go play with the other kiddies?"

She shrugged, "I don't like 'em."

"You don't like the kiddies?"

"I don't like a lotta people, mister. That's why you're over here, ain't it? You don't like people."

Merle laughed, "best you stay outta our business, girlie."

"If you stay outta mine I'll return the favor."

He crossed his arms, "just curious why you wanna learn to skin. Not what good little girlies oughta be doin'."

"I wanna do somethin' important."

"Lot's a' important things to do. Why this? You're gonna get your hands dirty, ya know." He warned, still smirking.

"I ain't afraid a' blood. Daddy's been teachin' me ta hunt since I was little."

Merle stared down at the little girl, thinking her words over. Daryl didn't say anything, he just watched the encounter, curious with his brother's behaviour.

Merle's hesitation made the girl anxious. She held up the squirrels again, "you can have 'em."

Merle glanced back at his brother, turning back to the girl, he said, "you got a knife?"

The girl smiled, nodding eagerly. She pushed her hand with the squirrels toward Merle.

Hesitantly, he took them from her. Then she turned, and ran toward camp to get her knife.

"Merle, what the hell, man."

Merle turned around to face his brother, clutching the squirrels in his hand, "problem, Darlina?"

"The fuck was that?"

"Got dinner for us, baby brother. We were gonna skin 'em anyways."

"Coulda' got dinner ourselves, no interest in hangin' around playin' Barbies. Why you doin' this, you hate kids. You some kinda pedo now?"

"What's the harm in teachin' the little darlin' to take care a herself."

"Merle I know don't give two shits 'bout nobody, 'specially some kid."

Merle hesitated a minute, a thoughtful expression crossing his facial features, "thought she looked kinda familiar." He muttered, not looking at his brother.

"See her everyday, she always sits on the trailer with that old man."

"Yeah, guess you're right." He nodded, "eyes playin' tricks on me."


	2. Guttin' an' Skinnin'

Once I reached mine and Officer Shane's tent, I quickly glanced around, making sure no one was watching. When I was sure no one was, I walked around the tent. Behind it, next to a tree was a pile of dirt and dead leafs. Not the best hiding place, I knew that, but no one had found it or thought to look.

I crouched at the pile, moving the leafs away to reveal the only belongings I had. These were the only things I was able to grab from me and Daddy's car before Shane brought me with his group. Not that there was anything else.

Daddy never usually got up early. But that morning, when I woke up he wasn't home, He came back at around two or three in the afternoon, running around the house, throwing items in a bag he was holding. He had shown many strange behaviors, running around the house, back and forth up the halls, was nothing new, but I wasn't worried.

I began to worry when he began dragging me out the door, saying we were going to Atlanta, I asked to grab my stuff, but he said there wasn't time. I knew better than to say no, so as always, I did what he said. We began our drive to Atlanta, but obviously, we never made it.

Beneath the leaves and dirt was a black leg sheath made of nylon, car keys, an orange pill bottle with round, large white pills in them, and an old pen. That was all I owned, that was all that was left in the car after Daddy left.

The leg wrap had six slots, in each slot was a seven inch long, stainless steel, handleless throwing knife with a lanyard hole at the end.

I wasn't amazing at throwing knives, but out of all the weapons Daddy taught me, the knives was what I took to the most. I had more fun with them, and because I enjoyed practising with them, I got better with them fast.

I slipped one of the knives out of a slot and reburied everything else. I wasn't sure what Officer Shane would do if he caught me with weapons and a bottle of pills. I didn't really know what the pills were, but Daddy left them in the glove box so I thought to grab them.

I hid the knife in my sleeve and returned to the Dixon's camp.

When I got there, Daryl had already started on the one squirrel, he had already gutted it and was beginning to skin, something I had seen Daddy do many times. Merle hadn't even started yet, he was holding another squirrel, a hunting knife in his other hand, the third squirrel was on the ground in front of him

"Sit down, darlin'. Ol' Merle ain't got all day." He ordered his smile from before gone.

I sat beside him, the smallest squirrel of the three in front of me. I pulled my knife out of my sleeve. Clutching it as I wait to be told what to do next.

Merle does a double take at the knife I'm holding, scrunching his eyebrows together, "Hell, girlie, ya can't skin with tha'."

My stomach drops at his words. I knew they were true. I attempt to keep my face blank as I responded. "It's all I have."

He lets out a grunt of frustration, "Daryl, gimme your other knife."

Daryl looks up from his task, shaking his head, "Christ, Merle, I ain't givin' 'er no knife, you seen 'er fuckin' hand."

"Gimme me the knife 'fore I beat your ass, boy."

Daryl cursed, dropping the half-skinned squirrel and hunting knife on his lap. He reaches behind him and begins rifling through a bag. Once he finds what he's looking for, he gives it to Merle and gets back to work.

Merle trades knives with me. I fiddle with the new one. It's a bit smaller then his hunting knife, but not by much. I turned to the older man, only to see he had put his knife and squirrel on the ground. Instead, he held mine, inspecting it.

"Don' see knives like this every day, where you get 'em?"

"Daddy. He used to teach me."

"Can ya throw 'em?"

"I can throw 'em, can't sink 'em too well. Not strong enough. Tha's why he don' teach me no more, got mad."

He switched his gaze to me, mouth in a straight line, "what else your daddy teach ya?"

"Lots a stuff, he showed me some guns, but we don' use em often, he says usin' guns for huntin' is cheatin'."

"Hows your aim?"

I shrugged, holding back my embarrassment again. "I can only really do pistols, my hands are too small and I'm too weak for the kickback. Tha's what Daddy says. I can hit a target maybe five times outta ten." I waited again, wondering if he was going to give me any instructions. Instead, he continues with the questions.

"What made ya wanna come over 'ere?"

"It seemed like, outta all people here, you people would know best. Seen ya bring game in ta camp before."

He smirked, "Didn't your daddy ever tell ya not to talk to strangers?"

I broke my blank expression to show my confusion. "No, why?"

He lets out a grunt that sounds like a scoff, but he continued to stare at me. "Ya gonna introduce ya'self or should I guess?"

I held back on rolling my eyes, "you can try."

He laughs, and lucky for me doesn't ask again. "Ain't ya hot in that? Sweatin' like a fuckin' pig."

 _Why was he reminding me?_ To be honest, wearing a black long-sleeved shirt was excruciating in this heat. Others in the camp, including Officer Shane, Dale, and a woman named Lori had attempted get to get me to changed. I used the excuse that I didn't have any other clothes, but they kept offering some extra t-shirts they had. After adamantly refusing every time, they tried telling me the clothes needed to be washed.

Yes, I understood this, and I did wash them. Once everyone was asleep, I would sneak out of mine and Officer Shane's tent and sneak down to the quarry, strip my shirt, and wash it. It seemed unnecessary and primitive, but all the other shirts they wanted to give me wouldn't hide my arms. And if they saw what I hid, if they asked, I would have no idea how to answer.

I'd rather avoid the questions than face the confusion of whether or not to answer them.

"S'all I 'ave." I told him.

"Jus' cut the sleeves off." He motions with my knife to my shoulder, where the seam of my sleeve is. Without thinking I recoiled at his sudden gesture, unsure of what he was doing. He seemed to notice this and squinted his eyes at me, thinking.

Merle then looked away, grumbling something under his breath as he tossed my knife to the ground. I watched through the corner of my eye as he reached into his vest pocket and pulled a familiar small baggie out.

Even though it was small, watching him from the RV before, I had an idea of what it was. I was no stranger to it, seeing Daddy do the same on a daily basis. I didn't fully understand what it was for or why anyone did it, but I knew better than to ask.

I continued to watch as he poured a bit of white powder from the bag and onto his index finger. I eyed the baggie in confusion, not concentrating on him sucking it up his nose. I knew that was what you did.

I'm still examining the contents when Daryl grunted in annoyance, "Fuck. Couldn' ya wait til later. Kid's like nine."

"I ain't nine," I muttered.

"Then how old are ya?" Merle smiled, wiping his nose. I easily ignored the question, not even planning to respond. When were they all going to stop asking, _wasn't it clear I wasn't going to tell them?_

Merle began to seal the baggie when he noticed me eyeing it. "What ya staring at? I'd give ya some, but I don' think ya take to it too well."

"Just thinking," I answered, averting my eyes again.

"'Bout what?"

 _Was Merle always this talkative?_ Even watching from the RV I hardly saw him carry a conversation with his brother.

I was becoming torn, confused, not sure what to do. I was torn between Daddy always telling me to not answer anyone's questions and doing as I was told. I had answered more questions with Merle then I had spoken words with anyone else in the camp. Whenever Daddy decided to come join us at camp from wherever he went, I knew I would be in for a beating.

I always did what Daddy told me to do. That usually included listening, keeping people out of our business, and doing whatever he said. But whenever he had people over, if they asked any type of question, I wouldn't answer.

Daddy said, " _don't answer questions, no one needs to know our business_."

But whenever the time came around that someone would ask questions and I didn't answer, he'd gotten mad and told me to, " _show respect._ "

I wasn't sure which to do with the Dixon's. I considered the second option was better, I didn't want to show disrespect or make them mad. I didn't want to be sent away before I had the chance to learn what I came to learn.

"The colour." I finally answer.

He seemed taken aback by the response. "Colour a' what?"

I motioned my head to the baggie, then shrugged, "the stuff Daddy uses is always yellow."

Hoping that was the end of it, I began to play around with the knife Merle gave me. I could feel both the brothers eyes on me, I wasn't sure why. I decided to ignore it, pretending I didn't notice.

Merle picked up the squirrel in front of me, tossing it in my lap, "watch an' listen, I ain't gonna do this shit twice. Gotta gut the bitch first, don' wanna eat squirrel shit."

* * *

I remained silent throughout the lesson. I watched his hands carefully and did whatever he told me to do.

I knew this job was messy, but I underestimated it. The difference between the mess an experienced skinner and gutter and an inexperienced one was great. I had grown used to the sight of blood and guts, but doing it hands-on, was a different matter. A couple times I felt myself become nauseous but ignored the feeling.

At first, Merle seemed to get giddy, finding almost everything I did funny.

After the gutting part was done, I tried copying his movements through skinning. Which only made him laugh. "Stop, why ya' holding it like that?"

"This is how you're doin' it, tryin' to do it like you."

"Like me? Ha, hear this, baby brother? Gotta lil' mini me. Can't copy kid. I 'ave a different knife, bigger. And bigger squirrel. You gotta do this . . ." He reaches over, about to take my hand in his. I automatically flinched, not expecting the contact.

He stopped laughing, noticing my flinch. But he seemed to shake it off and began instructing me again. After that, it happened a couple more times. He would reach over, or motion with his knife to correct me, and each time I flinched. I didn't mean to, I tried to see it coming.

Each time he seemed to notice, each time he seemed to get less giddy, more annoyed and angry. Once Daryl had finished, he butchered the meat and lit a fire between us. He placed a small grate over the fire and began to cook his.

Once we were finally done, I noticed the sun was setting, I wasn't sure how long we'd been at this.

"I didn' do too good," I said, angry with myself.

"Think your bad, shoulda seen Daryl his first time." Merle shook his head.

"Fuck off," Daryl said.

Merle chuckled softly, "now get started on cuttin'."

I shook my head, "I'm sorry, but Officer Shane is gonna start lookin' for me soon to send me ta bed. I should go 'fore he starts askin' questions."

Daryl stared at me with an unreadable expression, "ain't gonna eat it?"

Again, I shook my head, "I told ya you can have 'em."

Merle took the knife and remains from me, "a'right, ya skinned your squirrel. Now git."

I nodded, picking up my throwing knife and leaving their tiny campsite. Walking through the group's camp, I try to hide my bloodied hands as I make my way to the quarry. No one even seems to notice I exist as I walk by. After washing my hands and face in the water. I made it back to camp and ran into Officer Shane.

"There you are, was wondering where you been."

 _No, you weren't, or else you would've seen see me_ , I thought. In reality, I just nodded.

"Where were you?" He said, placing his hands on his hips.

I raised my hand, pointing in the directing of the quarry.

"Really? I was down there earlier, didn't see you."

I shrugged.

"When I woke up this morning, you were gone, couldn't find you." He eyed me skeptically.

I averted my eyes to the ground, trying to think of something to respond with.

"She's been good!"

We both turned, looking up at the RV to see Dale smiling at us.

"I've been keeping an eye on her, she's just been roaming around." _Who knew Dale was such a liar_?

Officer Shane nodded, "Alright then, you eat?"

I nodded, lying.

"Let's get you to bed." The officer turned his back and I followed him to our tent. Once at the tent, I crawled into my cot, and he placed the blanket over me. I wasn't sure why he insisted on doing this every night, but I didn't question him.

"The kids were looking for you today, they wanted you to play. And before you roll your eyes it was _Carl's_ idea. You should play with them tomorrow, you just have to give them a chance. Who knows, maybe you'll like them so much you'll want to talk to them."

I shrugged. I had caught Lori and him trying to get the kids to ask me to play with them on several occasions. I hadn't spoken to Carl before, but he had to me, and as with everyone else in the camp, I kept quiet and listened.

He was really upset about his father, who was also a police officer, he was in a coma after being shot and died sometime during the evacuation.

Officer Shane sighed, rubbing his chin, disappointed that I still hadn't said anything. "Night, kid."

He turned away, opening the flap to the tent, but I stopped him. "Do you think he'll 'ave trouble findin' camp?"

I saw him tense up. I wasn't sure if it was because of his shock that I had actually spoken, which didn't happen often, or if it was because of what I had spoken about.

He turned back to me, running a hand through his hair while biting his bottom lip, "it's possible. I described the location the best I could."

After the bombing of Atlanta, and after waiting for my father to return, Shane had brought me back to his car. There, I met Carol, her husband, Sophia, Carl, and Lori. Once they discussed plans with what they were doing with themselves, and I, they had a pretty good idea for a campsite. So Shane left a note in Daddy's car, telling him where the camp was in case he came back.

He put on a fake smile and let out a small laugh, "Lori was saying earlier today, that we should just name you ourselves. So, if you don't want to be stuck with somethin' you're gonna hate, I suggest you let us know."

I found this amusing, I did. I just wasn't sure what to do about it, was I supposed to show him I thought it was funny?

Once I decided to smile, I noticed he'd already given up and is leaving the tent.

* * *

I stared into the darkness of the tent for a while, I wasn't sure how long I waited, could've been an hour or two, but I was patient.

Once I heard footsteps approaching the tent, I shut my eyes feigning sleep. I listened as Shane quietly made his way into the tent and onto his cot. I strained my ears, listening to his breathing. After possibly, ten minutes, his breathing became slow and he was slightly snoring.

 _Asleep._

Carefully, I kicked the blanket off and left the tent.

Not once since arriving had I actually slept in the tent. And I didn't plan too.


	3. Nightmares an' Scars

**I am posting the first chapter on wattpad! As scriptor412** **Just so you know, this is me, I am seeing if I like that site better than this one.**

* * *

I knew where they kept the soap they used for laundry and was able to get to it easily. Once I had the soap in hand I snuck down to the quarry. I had to walk slowly because I couldn't see the path well in the dark.

At the shore of the water, I took my shirt off, welcoming the coolness of the air after the hot day. My throwing knife fell to the ground, I forgot that after leaving Merle and Daryl I had put it back into my sleeve. I rubbed the soap into the shirt and washed it the bet I could. When I was finished, my hands were numb from the cold water, and I was beginning to feel cold myself.

I squeezed as much water out of it as possible.

This was the worst part.

Putting the shirt on. Biting my lip, I did it, already shaking from the cold.

 _Stop being weak, it's just a little water, just a little cold. You'll be fine later, you always are._

I tucked the knife back into the tightness of the sleeve as I walked back to camp, and put the soap back where I found it. I approached the fire pit in the centre of the camp and sat on the ground, watching the dying embers. I brought my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them as I rested my head on my knees. I was really tired, but I didn't want to sleep. The reason I didn't sleep in the tent was because I was afraid of waking Officer Shane up. Back at home, I always woke Daddy up with my nightmares, he was always really mad. I didn't want to make anybody mad.

I was also afraid of him asking me questions I didn't want to answer.

* * *

 _I didn't know why I was running, or what from, I just knew I had to run. I felt scared, I couldn't breathe. Why was I so scared?_

 _I heard the cracking, snapping sound as pain spread throughout my back. I cried out, falling to the forest floor._

 _Lying in the dirt and crying from the pain, I turned my head. I looked up to see Daddy standing over me, holding the belt over his shoulder._

 _But there was something wrong. His skin was darker, dull, almost grey. Blood streamed down his face, but I couldn't see a wound. His eyes were yellow, dead. He's dead. He's dead._

 _I cried harder as he came closer, opening his mouth as a snarling, hissing, growling sound rang out._

 _I was crying screaming words at him, but I couldn't tell what I was saying._

* * *

Words escaped my mouth as I gasped awake, I wasn't sure what I said. My eyes were watering and a few tears escaped. I wiped them away. I glanced at the fire pit, most of the embers had died out.

Oh no, how long had I slept?

I couldn't catch my breath, I just kept gasping, trying to get as much air into my lungs as possible.

" _Please no_ , what?"

I jumped, falling the side, attempting to scramble away from whoever had spoken.

"Damn, girlie, calm the hell down. What's wrong with ya?"

I relaxed a bit, recognising Merle's rough, scratchy voice. But I was still shaking and struggling to breathe. Whether I was shaking from the nightmare or the cold, I had no idea.

"The hell, ya havin' a seizure or somethin'?"

Why was he up? I was out here every night and not once had I seen him out. "N-no. I'm . . . I'm fine."

He didn't say anything right away, just watched me for a minute, "why ain't ya in bed?"

"Ain't tired."

"Course not, tha's why ya sleeping out 'ere." He scoffed. "Why ain't ya in bed? Gonna get yer'self in trouble. Where ya sleep anyway?"

"I share a tent with Officer Shane. Not comfortable there." I was breathing deeply, finally able to calm myself down. I could still see Daddy's dead eyes, was it possible he was one of them now? Is that why he hadn't come?

He smirked, "Why not? 'e's an officer of the law, serve an' protect an' all that shit."

"Tha's exactly why," I grunted out, frowning. I didn't have the energy to be blank. I was angry, at myself, at him. Even after that, I still wanted to go back to sleep. I was so tired. I thought by now maybe I would get used to so little sleep, and getting nightmares, but still every night, I felt so scared. _I wish I could sleep._

He sniggered, "from the way ya talk, I have ta guess your Daddy ain't so fond of the law."

"No, mister."

He rolled his eyes, "Name's Merle."

"I know that." I snapped.

"Then what's with all tha' mister shit. No use actin' all prissy and proper now, girl. Cut it out."

I clenched my teeth together, holding back a retort.

"You get nightmares a lot?"

My jaw dropped, "I . . . how-"

"-Ya talk in your sleep. Bein' outside ain't gonna help ya much with tha'."

I looked away, feeling angry. "Yeah, well. What do you know."

"I ain't no stranger ta nightmares, girlie."

I can't help but look at him again, as I do he lowered himself and sat beside me.

 _What is he doing?_ After watching him from the RV, he hardly ever talked to anyone else at camp. Why was he talking to me? I honestly thought, that after skinning the squirrel, the brothers would shoo me away and that would be that.

"Ya gonna tell me your name?"

 _He was still on about that, really?_ Everyone else had given up already. "No, not tellin' you nothin'."

He elbowed be lightly, "Ya owe me, I taught ya how ta skin."

"And in return you got dinner."

He hesitated, looking at his elbow and at the area he bumped me with. "Why are ya clothes wet."

"I washed it," I said bluntly, avoiding his eyes.

"Why don' ya wear somethin' else?"

I was getting really annoyed at this point, why was he asking questions? _Couldn't everyone just shut up and leave me alone?_ "I don' have anythin' else."

"I'm sure someone else'll 'ave somethin' for ya."

"Don' wanna." I snapped again.

After a couple moments of silence, his voice is calm, quiet, in a way I hadn't heard him speak before. "See the way ya flinch. Too hot for those clothes, 'aven't complained once. You're coverin' somethin' up."

I held my breath, he knew. I hugged my knees to my chest tightly, as I did before. I stared into the fire pit but I knew he was staring at me. I could feel his eyes burning holes into me.

" . . . You gonna tell?"

I could hear the smirk in his voice, "tell ya what, tell me how old ya are, an' I won' say a word."

"I ain't nine," I said through clenched teeth, turning to him, "I'm twelve. Why do you keep askin' so many questions? You don' ask no one else no questions."

"You remin' me of my brother when 'e was a kid. Tryin' to act all tough, tryin' to prove 'imself. It was funny ta watch. 'e used ta get lots a' nightmares, acted like such a baby an' tried so hard not ta be. Kinda miss it."

"He ain't like tha' no more?"

He stared back at me, not smiling or smirking. "Had ta go away lots. Once I left for a long time, came back, 'e was different. Still acts like the big tough guy 'e isn't, though."

"What for? Why did you go away?"

"Different things . . . One time was for the Army."

"You joined the Army?" I asked, a little surprised.

He shrugged, "ain't got no profound reason for it, wanted ta get away, leave 'ome."

I nodded, "I'm too young for it, but I thought of it, once I'm old 'nough. I know lots 'bout weapons from daddy. Would be nice ta get away too . . ."

"An' whys that?"

I hesitated, "never really left 'ome, 'cept for campin' an' huntin'."

"So, ya think of the army."

I shrugged, "Daddy knows lots a' people who were in the military, so I hear 'bout it lots."

"Ya wanna get away from 'ome, or get away from your daddy."

My eyes widened, I don't even have time to hide my shocked and fearful expression.

"He hurt ya. Ain't hard ta tell."

"I-I . . . I get . . .I just get inta' trouble lots . . ." I put my head down, hiding my face with loose strands of hair from my ponytail.

A noise escaped his throat that sounded almost like a growl, "Ya ain't in trouble now. Stop fuckin' cowerin', I ain't no kid beater."

He sounds mad but at the same time he doesn't. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to say sorry, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do at all.

"I didn't get along too well with my daddy either, had ta leave, or I woulda killed the bastard."

I raised my head to look at him through the corner of my eye, "it's not that we don' get along, I just . . . don' always listen too well . . ."

He pressed his lips together and looked around, obviously in search of something to say, "Ah, fuck."

He abruptly stood up, motioning for me to do the same, "c'mon." He sighed.

Hesitantly, I stood, following him toward the RV. At the side of the RV, lined up were three cardboard boxes. This was where we put stuff after Glenn came back from his runs into the city.

"Was goin' through these this mornin' . . ." he mumbled, going through one of the boxes. I wasn't sure fully what was in all of them because of how dark it was.

He pulled something out, then shook it out, as if trying to remove dust or dirt. He threw the fabric at me, once I caught it I held it out in front of me.

It was a light coloured, long-sleeved, button-up blouse. Feeling the material between my fingers, I could tell it was really thin.

"Girlies like pink, right?"

It was hard to tell in the dark, but after he mentioned it, it did look to be a light shade of pink.

"Won't fit too well, but it's better then what ya 'ave. Ya can't wear tha' no more, black attracts heat, an' it's thick. Gotta be torture."

My mouth opened, but I couldn't get anything out. I was sure that he was mad a moment ago, but he seemed calm, I couldn't read his expression. This situation seemed kind of . . . _awkward_.

"Git outta tha' wet shirt. 'm goin' ta sleep, fuckin' tired." He rubbed the back of his neck and began walking toward his camp. "Go ta bed, can't hide from sleep forever."

"G'night mister Merle," I said, feeling the corner of my lip curving upward.

He turned back to me, "what I tell ya 'bout that mister shit."

"I said _Merle_."

He smiled, pretending to act mad, "Cut it the fuck out."

I returned the smile, trying not to laugh. He rolled his eyes and started to walk away again.

My stomach does a nervous flip as I bit my lip. I wasn't really sure what made me tell him, but I didn't want to _not_ tell him. I couldn't even stop myself before the words leave my mouth.

"My name's Toby."

He glanced at me again, narrowing his eyes, "Toby?"

I nodded.

"Nice ta meet ya, Toby."

I let him leave as I stared down at the shirt he gave me.

* * *

 **Hey, guys, so you've finally _officially_ met the OC. Just to clarify what you learned in this chapter; Her name is Toby and she is 12 years old.**

 **I know Toby is a boys name, but I always thought it might be a cute name for a girl.**

 **Again, I'm really sorry for putting up the wrong chapter in chapter 2 (obviously it's fixed now) but I promise I won't let that happen again.**

 **I think I may do a flashback of the night Shane found Toby next chapter, what do you think? I have one in mind, but I don't know when to put it in the story...**

 **Remember, any ideas or suggestions for the story, I'm open to anything.**

 **More reviews, quicker updates. I really hope I'm not boring you guys.**


	4. Scarin' the Chinaboy

I went back to the tent once the sun began to rise. I waited for Shane to get up before I would, that way he wouldn't ask questions. I had to wait a couple hours, but years of hunting with Daddy had taught me patience.

As soon as he left the tent, I changed my shirt. Why I didn't change into it right away, was beyond me.

"Idiot . . ." I grumbled to myself as I did the buttons up. I couldn't hide my throwing knife in my sleeve this time, the blouse was too big. I stepped out of the tent, and when I was sure no one saw me, I went to my hiding place and put my knife away. Going back to the front of the tent I find myself walking into Lori.

"S-sorry," I said. She opened her mouth to respond, only to close it and take a step back, eyeing me from head-to-toe.

"You changed," she said, surprised. "Where'd you get that shirt?"

I shrugged, "the boxes by the RV, Merle showed me."

She scrunched her eyebrows together, " _Dixon_?"

I nodded.

She stared skeptically for a moment. She opened her mouth to say something, but I interrupted, "I'm kinda hungry." I said hesitantly. I didn't remember eating at all the day before, and I knew if I didn't soon it would catch up to me. "Do . . . do you have anything?"

Lori raised her eyebrows, as if shocked I had spoken. She smiled and nodded her head. It was different than the smiles she usually gave, Shane always gave one similar. One with concern, sadness behind their eyes. Although, I wasn't sure why. It wasn't hard to tell they were fake.

But the smile Lori was giving me at that moment seemed different, she seemed genuinely happy. I didn't know why. She placed her hand on my back, leading me away from the tent and to a group of people eating. It wasn't the entire group, but most were there.

Lori sat me beside Shane on the ground, "she said she wants something to eat."

Shane glanced from me to Lori, several times, "you're going to join us?"

I nodded. The side of Shane's mouth twisted up into a crooked smile. Just like Lori's, it was different than usual. _What are they so happy about?_

Lori sat beside me and started filling a bowl for me. I felt a tad claustrophobic, I wasn't used to sitting with them like this. Usually, when I ate, I took my food into the tent or sat far away to eat alone. As I ate, I could feel both Lori's and Shane's eyes on me. I pretended I didn't notice.

"Carl is still asleep, he should be up soon." Lori told me.

"Oh. Okay." Was all I said. _Why is she telling me this?_ I stood up and took my dirty dish to put it in a bin with the others.

"Sweetheart," Lori appeared at my side, crouching to my level. "How about we get you cleaned up, brush your hair a bit?"

"Oh! I can braid it!" I heard a flighty voice say. A blonde, who had been sitting with us, walked over, a smile on her face. I didn't remember her name but had seen her around camp with another blonde that I believed was her sister.

They both stared, waiting for a response. Lori wasn't smiling anymore, but her eyes seemed pleading.

"Uh . . . Okay." I said.

Lori's _happy-self_ returned at my words, and the blonde jumped up excitedly.

I let Lori lead me to a plastic lawn chair as I tried to remember the last time I had actually brushed my hair. I had rinsed my hair out in the quarry but hadn't really washed it, or brushed it, I just put it up and tried to forget it existed.

I sat in the chair while Lori fetched a bucket which was full of water that had been boiled previously. I knew they weren't planning this, because without a doubt they didn't expect me to agree. I wondered what the original plan for the water was.

"Can you take the elastic out?"

I reached up to my ponytail and attempted yanking it out as I usually did. But I found that along the way out of my hair it had gotten tangled and I struggled, pulling on my hair.

"Here, I'll help," she said gently. I hesitated but lowered my hand. It only took a moment, but she had gotten my hair free.

"This may take some time." She told me, holding my hair in her hands. I knew she was talking about the knots and I was a bit scared, afraid of how much this was going to hurt.

"I'm Amy, by the way." The blonde smiled, handing Lori a brush.

I kept getting glances from Shane from a distance. Once I had become annoyed enough, I caught his eye, giving him my best glare possible. I was not entirely happy with letting Lori pull and tug at my hair, but it had to be done at some point, and I didn't have my own brush.

He must not have noticed I was glaring because he smiled widely and nodded, as if approving something.

"Head back. This'll be cold." Lori warned once she finished brushing. I put my head back and braced myself for what was to come. Lori slowly poured some of the water on my head, she rubbed in the water, doing this repeatedly until my was soaked. A lot of water had run down my back and I was sure the shirt was soaked. I found myself a bit annoyed once Lori began putting the shampoo in, she was very rough and it felt as if she was tangling my hair worse than it was before.

When she finished and rinsed the shampoo out, Amy took her place behind me and began brushing my hair again. To my surprise, it didn't seem as if there were one knot. After what seemed like eternity (which in reality was about five minutes), Amy finished with my hair.

"Thank you . . ." I said softly.

Lori nodded, "You're welcome, sweetheart."

"Anytime, I had fun." Amy said.

"Hey, Mom!" Carl ran up to us, smiling, his smile faltered a bit when he noticed me, "Hey, uh . . ."

Lori placed her hand on my shoulder as if attempting to coax me, "well? You going to tell him your name?" She seemed confident as she looked down at me, and for some reason I hated it.

"Nope." I said. I stood up and walked away without a second thought.

I felt angry at that. She hadn't exactly asked me my name, but she was using Carl to get it. That's what it seemed like to me.

 _People don't need to know our business._ I heard Daddy repeat himself in my head.

It was bad enough all that I had mentioned to the Dixon's, and the answers I had given Merle the night before. When Daddy found camp I was going to be in big trouble. I tugged on my braided hair, attempting to relieve some of the frustration and fear.

"Did you see that?" I heard Lori say in a hushed voice.

"It's a start." Shane responded.

Their voices just angered me more. I knew they were talking about me, even if I didn't know what they meant. I kept walking away, thinking of what to do.

I glanced over at the Dixon camp, seeing neither brothers were there. Whether they were in the forest, or in their tent, I didn't know. I wasn't going to go talk to them, but for some reason, I wanted to. I told myself I'd ask for their help to teach me something Daddy didn't, and then leave them alone. They didn't want anyone in camp around them, _especially_ a little girl.

I looked around, my eyes stopping at the RV, seeing Dale on the roof in his chair. He caught my eyes and waved, I waved back.

"You coming up?" He called down, "I have your book!"

I nodded, my anger dissipated and I smiled slightly as I made my way toward the RV and climbed up.

"How did you sleep?" He asked me as I sat down beside his chair.

"Fine." I lied. He handed me one of his books I had been looking at, I take it and open it half way through.

He eyed me skeptically before opening his own, "I see they got you to change. Also saw how happy Amy was doing your hair, she was having fun."

I shrugged.

"Missed you yesterday, grown fond of your company. Where were you?"

I cringed and looked down, remembering how he had covered for me with Shane the day before. In response, I shrugged again.

"You can't keep wandering off, you're going to get hurt."

"Those _things_ don't come this far in the mountains, we haven't seen _one_." I reminded him, attempting to mimic his skeptical gaze. "If you're so concerned then why not tell?"

"Because that wouldn't stop you. I know you're not exactly comfortable with us, but you know anything you need just tell us. We want to help, you just have to let us."

"I don't understand what you think I need help with," I said bluntly. It was true, I hated the way they watched me, kept an eye on me. Because even though they did, the next moment they would forget all about me, I proved that theory by being in the woods for almost the entire day. No one had even looked.

I knew had to take care of myself, I'd been doing it for a long time. Why did they think I needed to be coddled? I was hoping as soon as Daddy found us he would put a stop to it. He had always made it clear I should be able to take care of myself.

Dale watched me for the next couple minutes as I pretended to read. Luckily, when he spoke again he changed the subject. "Glenn is going on a run, maybe you can ask him to find you a book, maybe something more suitable to your age. I remember that one being really boring."

I shrugged, not really caring, it wasn't like I was actually reading the book. He just thought I was, what I was really doing, was observing the camp.

 _I wish I could understand half the words in this stupid book._

* * *

Later on, I heard his voice from a distance. I turned around to where the car was parked to see Glenn and Merle facing each other, Glenn had a bag slung over his shoulder and was raising his hands up, as if in surrender. Merle was jabbing a finger into his chest, forcing him to step back. I could hear his tone of voice from where I was, but not what he was saying. Glenn nodded furiously, agreeing to whatever Merle had told him.

After that, Merle stomped off toward the RV. I expected him to turn toward his own camp, but he didn't. Instead, he kept walking. When he got close he raised his eyes up, meeting mine.

"Hey, girlie," he said once he reached the RV. "We got some rabbit, c'mon down."

"Rabbit?" I asked, a bit confused.

"Yeah, c'mon, gonna show me what ya learned." He turned away, walking toward his camp. When he realized I wasn't following, he turned back to me, "comin' or what?"

I nodded, still a bit confused. I put Dale's book down and dangled my legs over the side of the RV. I turned to Dale and waved, "bye, mister Dale."

He waved back, hesitantly, face scrunched up in confusion. I hopped down, when I was on the ground I began to follow Merle. But not before noticing some of the camps eyes on us. I kept my eyes on Merle, ignoring them.

* * *

At the brothers camp I was given the hunting knife I used the day before and one of the two rabbits they had caught in their snares. I skinned one while Daryl skinned the other, not saying a word as Merle instructed me.

I was actually really surprised when he told me to do this, but I didn't protest. I was sure that after I convinced him to teach me the first time, we wouldn't speak again.

I was a bit afraid how Daddy would react when he found out, he had never let me skin an animal or cut the meat. But only because I accidentally cut myself the first time, which was a couple years ago. He always got mad when I asked to try again. At first, I wasn't even going to ask the Dixon's because of this, but I hated asking Lori or Shane for food. I hated giving them a reason to talk to me, I hated being around them in general. I could take care of myself. I knew how to hunt and cook the meat, learning to skin would allow me to get my own food and avoid them.

Merle didn't seem as giddy or as frustrated as he was before, he actually seemed rather bored. I remained silent throughout the entire lesson, trying my best not to flinch when he got to close or attempted to nudge my hand into the right direction. I was sure my discomfort was obvious, but he didn't seem to notice.

When I finished, Merle took the skin and put in on the ground beside Daryl's, "why ya all quiet?"

"Daddy says best ta keep your mouth shut rather than go blabberin' on an' on." _Don't speak unless spoken to._ I remembered.

"Your daddy says a lot, eh?"

I shrugged, "'e gets mad when I don' listen."

Merle stared at me for second, his gaze flickering over my arms. He shook his head as he reached for the bucket on the ground beside Daryl. In the bucket was the meat Daryl had cut up. He had been finished cutting the meat before I even started.

"A'right, now we cut it. Every piece jus' drop in 'ere."

I stared off into the distance where the car was earlier. I regretted not talking to Glenn before he left on his run, I found myself wishing I had asked for him to find me my own hair brush.

"Eh, pay attention," Merle nudged me. "What ya starin' at?"

I glanced at Merle, "I saw you talkin' ta mister Glenn, you looked mad, what were ya talkin' about?"

"Glenn? The chinaboy?"

I nodded.

He smiled, "nothin'. Jus' givin' him a little scare tha's all."

"Why?"

"It's fun," He said as he let out a chuckle.

I thought about it for a moment, _what was so fun about it?_ "Can I scare him?"

He laughed, "sorry, darlin', ya ain't scary."

I felt a bit disappointed. I knew he was right, I wasn't scary, no one would be scared of a little girl. I felt ashamed of that thought, that title. _Little girl._

I knew I wasn't scary, but _could I be_?

"Merle," Daryl grunted. Merle and I both raised our eyes to him, but he wasn't looking at us. We followed his gaze to Shane, taking long, confident strides toward us.

"The fuck does _he_ want?" Merle muttered, obviously annoyed.

"Jus' tell him to fuck off," I said, "tha's what Daddy says when he don' wanna talk."

Shane planted his feet in front of us and placed both hands on his hips. _I don't like this,_ I thought, _he looks like Lori when she's scolding Carl_.

His eyes go wide at my hands, I glanced down, wondering what was wrong. I saw the knife and skinned squirrel in my hands, the ends of my sleeves soaked in blood. _Oh_. "What's goin' on here?"

"Nothin', officer," Merle drawled, smirking, "jus' havin' ourselves a lil' _powwow_."

He glared at Merle, pointing a finger at me, "the hell, she's just a kid! _This_ is what you wanted her for?"

"Bein' a kid don' mean nothin'. I was younger than 'er when I was learnin'. She wan'ed ta be taught. I taught 'er."

Shane had no words, obviously not sure how to respond. He shook his head, breaking his death glare with Merle and looked at me. "C'mon, let's get you cleaned up."

He took his hands off his hips and reached toward me, nudging my arm with his hand. I internally groaned, angry and disappointed he was making me leave, but I didn't show it. I dropped the uncut remains into the bucket and began to stand.

A heavy hand was placed on my shoulder, forcing me to sit back down. "She ain't hurtin' nobody, fine 'ere."

My eyes widened at Merle, who was glaring at Shane, looking as if he had already plotted his murder. Just the way he was glaring at Shane made me want to go and hide, it was a look similar to the one Daddy gave me when I was in trouble.

Shane took his hand back and ran it through his hair, biting his lip. "Yeah, that's not what's concerning me."

Merle abruptly stood, surprising me. He faced off with Shane, all traces of amusement gone. He sounded defensive, as if he had been insulted. "I haven't _touched_ the fuckin' kid. Fine where she is, she don' wanna go nowhere."

Shane glared at Merle, not turning to me when he said, "C'mon, kid. Get up, let's go."

I was really confused. Thinking about it, I realized what would happen if I went with Shane. I'd probably go and pretend to read with Dale, help the ladies with laundry, help clean the dishes, or just stare into space waiting for the day to be over. I didn't want to be told to go play with the other kids, I didn't see what was so fun about chasing each other around in circles all day. If I stayed, I'd be learning something, something that could help me in the future. I liked sitting with the Merle and Daryl, it was quiet, it wasn't crowded, and they didn't talk or at me as if I was a toddler needing to be coddled.

I knew I was supposed to listen, do as I was told. But I never had two people telling me to do different things. I didn't really know who to listen to. I held my breath, attempting to hold back any expression from escaping my voice or my face. "No."

They both turned to me. Shane's eyes were widened with frustration, "listen, kid-"

"-Fuck off." I said, forcing my voice low, almost growling in my attempt to sound like Daddy. I tried my best to keep my expression blank, hiding that I was terrified.

I didn't want to be bad, but I wasn't sure if listening to Merle made me bad, or listening to Shane. Merle seemed to act a lot like Daddy, and I wasn't sure how Daddy was going to react to me being around a cop as much as I had been. Merle honestly seemed like the better option, especially when I was weighing Daddy's reaction to the situation.

Merle's smirk returned before turning back to Shane, "now, if ya want what ya asked for I suggest ya _kindly_ fuck off."

Shane switched his gaze between Merle and me a couple times. When he finally glanced at Daryl, I did too. Daryl clutched his knife in front of him, as if ready to pounce.

 _Wow, they both look like they want to kill him._

Shane took one final look at me before he turned his heel and walked away.

Merle grunted and took sat back down beside me, "what makes 'im think 'e can come over 'ere, order us 'round, all high an' mighty like . . ."

"Cause 'es the cop?" I guessed.

He scoffed and patted my shoulder, "yeah, give 'em a badge they think they run everythin'."

"Mist-Merle . . ." I corrected, he grunted in response, "what did ya mean? When ya told him about what 'e asked for?"

"Yeah," Daryl stared curiously at Merle, obviously wondering the same thing.

Merle pulled a cigarette pack out of his vest pocket, I watched as he brought one to his lips and lit it. After inhaling and exhaling, he spoke, "Camps runnin' low on food, wants us ta go hun'ing for the rest a' the group."

"Fuck tha-"

"-a'ready agreed, baby brother."

"I ain't-"

"-You do as I say 'fore I beat your lily white ass, ya hear?"

Daryl grunted, "fuckin' stupid, why would you agree to tha'."

"Remember what we're 'ere for. Can't have no one 'spect anythin'."

"Will you shut your mouth, kids righ' there."

Merle rolled his eyes and briefly glanced at me, "she ain't gonna say nothin'. Are ya?"

I shook my head, even though I had no idea what they were talking about. _What are they here for?_

"'s like I said, Darlina, can't have 'em 'spect anythin'. 'specially after that lil' _disagreement._ " He said, and I knew he was talking about Shane from a few moments before.

"Your own fault for bringing the kid over 'ere," Daryl pointed his knife at him accusingly. "The _fucks_ goin' through your head?"

Merle took a long drag of his cigarette before smirkin' at me, "I like 'er. She's funny, outrigh' told tha' cop ta fuck off. Damn cutest thing I eva' seen."

 _Cute? I ain't cute._

"Whatever happened to _no attachments_?"

"Ain't got no attachments." Merle retorted, eyeing his cigarette.

Daryl scoffed and stood up, "whatever, goin' ta take a piss."

Merle grunted in response as his brother walked off. I stared at Merle, pondering what to say.

"What?" He said, not really asked as he stared at the ground.

"I-I was wonderin' . . . when ya go hun'ing for the group . . . Can I help?" I asked nervously.

He eyed me for a minute, then brought the cigarette to his lips as he spoke. "That throwin' knife ya brough' yes'erday, how many ya got?"

"Six."

"Ya said ya can't sink 'em?"

"Not really." I glanced down, embarrassed.

"A'right, when we go bring ya knives, I'll see if I can show ya."

My eyes widened, "really?"

"S'long as ya do what I say an don' be a pain in the ass. I ain't no babysitter." Merle took the uncut meat from the bucket I put it in a few minutes before, and placed it in my hands. I picked up the knife and he began instructing me again. I couldn't keep myself from smiling, but I was also a little nervous. What if Merle got mad like Daddy did? After a couple lessons he had given up, calling me hopeless. That was a long time ago, maybe I could finally do it right.

Daryl returned a short while later, "gettin' sick of eatin' squirrel."

"Tha' why ya got rabbit." I remarked, waving a freshly sliced piece of meat in his direction before placing it in the bucket.

Merle laughed, tossing what remained of his cigarette to the ground. Daryl gave me a brief glance, but ignored what I said.

"Gonna go for a longer trip soon, see if I can fin' any deer."

"Best idea now that we're feedin' the rest a tha camp." Merle said.

Cutting the meat didn't take me nearly as long as it did to skin it. When I'm finished, Daryl begins to prepare their fire and Merle gave me a nod of approval. Taking that as my leave, I placed the knife on the ground and stood. Before I can go anywhere, he grabbed my forearm, forcing me back down.

"You're eatin' what ya skinned."

I turned my head to him in an attempt to read his expression. But it was seemingly blank as he watched his brother prepare the fire. I glanced at Daryl but he doesn't return the gaze, acting as if I didn't exist. Not that I minded. Being ignored wasn't a foreign aspect, especially by Daryl. Thinking on it, he hadn't directed many words to me himself, only Merle.

I was confused as to why he wanted me here, or even let me be here. I understood a bit when he first invited me over, it was to make sure he had actually taught me something the day before. But why let me stay? Daryl obviously didn't like me, and Merle . . . I wasn't sure what was going through his head.

I flexed my fingers, hating the sticky dry feeling the blood was giving them. I wanted to go wash them off but Daryl doesn't even seem to notice the blood on his hands, and doesn't look as if he plans on cleaning them. So I kept my mouth shut.

 _This is awkward._

* * *

I didn't eat much, but what I did eat seemed to be enough for Merle becase he told me to beat it. I didn't protest or complain, it's not like I wasn't expecting it, so I mumbled a thank you and left. When I did, I saw the ladies heading down to the quarry with laundry, I decided to follow them and help, I needed to go wash my hands anyway. I trailed behind them and made sure to wash my hands off before approaching them.

"Hi," I said as I walked up to their chosen place. Carol was there, a skinny women with short hair, she had been with Lori a couple times while trying to convince me to play with the other kids. She was sweet, but obviously distant. Amy and her sister were there too, and a black women whom I didn't know the name of.

"Hey, what's up?" Amy asked, smiling.

"Can I help?"

Carol nodded, she was always around when they did the laundry. Every time I asked to help with anything and she was around, she suggested I go play. Each time I refused and helped, I was glad she seemed to have given up.

Sadly, Amy's sister didn't. "You don't wanna do laundry, it's boring. Heck, we don't even want to do it."

"Escape while you can." The black women remarked and they all laugh at that. Except me, of course.

 _What else did they think there was to do? Not like any of us has a lotta options._

"No," Carol said, "she prefers hard work over fun, I've tried to convince her otherwise."

"How convenient for us." Amy's sister said. Amy and Carol laughed.

I stepped between them and got to work. After a while, when everything was finished, Carol thanked me for the help and we walked back to camp. I decided to join Dale back up top the RV. I climbed up the ladder to see the book I was looking at where I left it.

"Was wondering when you were gonna come back."

 _He's gonna ask questions. Think quick, Dale doesn't beat around the bush._

"What were you doing with Merle Dixon?" He asked as I sat down next to him.

"Eatin'."

"Is that all? I was watching for a bit. I saw Shane go over there, he told me what happened, he wasn't too happy."

 _Shane_ , I forgot about him. _I'm in so much trouble._ "If you were watchin', then ya a'ready know, no point in askin'." I involuntarily cringed, waiting for the scolding or punishment for my remark. When it didn't come, I glanced at Dale, who was already back to his book. _Weird_ , I thought. It seemed everyone was starting to realize they would get nowhere with me. That was good, it meant fewer questions.

When we heard the car approach camp, we both glanced at it, Dale raised his binoculars. Glenn was back. People from the group including Shane ran over to greet him happily, but Glenn wasn't so happy. He walked away from everyone and the car without helping to unload the supplies like he always did. I watched as Shane opened the trunk, he peered into it for a moment with a look of confusion, then slowly closed it. He shrugged to those around him, who were asking questions. He silently answered that he didn't know.

I glanced at Dale, "Bit early for 'im ta be back, ain't it?"

Dale nodded, lowering his binoculars. Glenn coming back sooner than expected wasn't the only strange thing. _He hadn't come back with any supplies_.

Glenn acted strange the rest of the day, I had never actually talked to him but I spent enough time observing the camp to know he was acting weird. He was distant and didn't want to talk to anyone. After a few attempts, they all decided to give him his space. _Something must have happened in Atlanta_.

It was still a while before bed time when I decided to try and go to sleep. I was so tired, I wasn't sure how long I could keep this up. I knew the nightmares weren't going to go away, and I was almost okay with that, but only because I was so used to them. Daddy was a deep sleeper, whether it had to do with the amount of alcohol he drank, I didn't know. But the few nights I had screamed loud enough to wake him up, were not pleasant ones, and not because of the nightmares.

So far, I had not managed to wake anyone with my nightmares, but mostly because I didn't really sleep in Shane's tent. The few times I did dose off, the nightmares weren't too bad. But I had to figure something out soon, my head began to hurt from exhaustion. I laid down on my cot in the tent, letting myself sleep before Shane went to bed.

When I woke up, it was dark outside, I was surprised I didn't have a nightmare. I felt pretty awake and was sure I could get by another day, _maybe I'll sleep this good next time._ To my surprise, Shane came into the tent only a few moments after I woke up. I pretended to sleep as I waited for him to pass out. Once he did, I left, trying to think of something to do for the next few hours.

* * *

Later on the next day, I was on the roof of the RV with Dale, sitting beside his lawn chair under the sun umbrella.

"You've got to be boiling in this heat," Dale exclaimed. I was pretty warm. The shirt Merle had found for me was much thinner than my old one but I was still wearing jeans. Before Lori and the others gave up a couple days ago I was being offered clothes so they could get me out of my thick, black shirt. I didn't have anything to hide on my legs, but upon my refusal I always said I was cold, accepting shorts and refusing t-shirts wasn't going to back that up. This shirt was much lighter and thinner than the last, so maybe no one would question it, I decided I'd ask Lori later on.

"I'm fine," I said. Dale reached down from his chair, grabbing his water bottle and handing it to me, "here. At least have some water, you'll dehydrate."

I stared at his water bottle, noticing there wasn't a lot left.

He nodded at me, giving me a fierce look, "take it! I was going to go and refill it anyways."

I was thirsty, so I took it. I unscrewed the cap and took a couple gulps. As glanced around camp, my eyes found Glenn. He was still acting strange, he wasn't exactly as distant but he still wasn't talking. Instead, he was silently helping out with chores while getting sad and curious looks from the group, all of them wondering what happened out on his run. He didn't return anyone's gazes but I could tell he knew they were there, he was just ignoring them. _I know how you feel_.

"Mister Dale, do you know what's wrong with mister Glenn?" I asked, proceeding to drink more of the water. I was pretty sure he didn't know, but Glenn seemed to talk to Dale a lot.

"Oh, he's just a little shaken up from the run he went on yesterday. He won't talk about it, but somethin' must've spooked him. He'll be fine soon, he'll find something to cheer him up."

Dale folds the corner of the page in his book, marking his place as he watched me finish his water. He placed the book down and reached for the bottle. "I'll go refill it, I'll get you your own too, can't have you catching heatstroke."

He stood up at the same time I turned my head to the Dixon camp, seeing both brothers. An idea popped into my head when I saw Merle. I yanked on Dale's pantleg before he could go anywhere, "do ya wanna play a prank on mister Glenn?"

He glanced down at camp, eyeing Glenn before crouching down to me, a smile etched into his face, "you have something in mind?"

I nodded my head, pressing my lips together in an attempt to hold back a smile. I pulled him toward my by his shoulder and whispered my idea into his ear.

His smile widened as he adjusted his hat, "you sure?"

"Done it bunch a' times, ya seen. Jus' gotta time it right."

"Alright. Remember, this was _your_ idea alone, I had no part."

I placed my index finger and thumb, swiping it across my lips in ' _my lips are sealed'_ motion.

"Don't let him see you." Dale stood and climbed down the ladder, while I crouched low to the edge of the RV, trying to stay out of sight. It was hard since I would be right in front of him, but Glenn was very unobservant today. The plan depended on him not looking up.

When Dale was on the ground he took a couple steps away from the RV. "Hey-"

"-Wait!" I whisper-yelled at him, Dale turned back to me, confused. I turned away, standing on my knees and looking toward the Dixon brother's camp. I start waving my hands, attempting to get their attention.

Luckily, Daryl caught my eye. I pointed toward Merle, Daryl elbowed his brother in the gut and nodded in my direction. I separated my index and middle finger, gesturing toward my eyes. Then I pointed at them with my pointer finger, then back at me again, hoping they got the message. _Watch me._

"Okay." I nodded at Dale, crouching low again.

He nodded, "Hey, Glenn! Can you come here a sec?"

Glenn glanced in Dale's direction, but thankfully not up at me. He walked toward us then planted his feet in front of him. "Yeah? What's-"

I pushed off the RV with my legs, when I landed on the ground with a _thump_ , I yelled. "BOO!"

"HOLY SHI-" Glenn jumped back, stumbling a few steps before falling on his ass, gasping for breath.

Dale Immediately burst into laughter andI joined him, not even attempting to hold it back. I glanced toward the Dixon's to see Merle bent over, covering his mouth with his arm, laughing. I had never seen him laugh like that. Daryl was still sitting but he seemed to be smiling, I was too far away to tell. Either way, I took it as a victory.

 _I could be scary._

"What the hell?!" Glenn shouted, "that wasn't funny!" A smile broke onto his face and he began to laugh with us, but not as hard. Dale reached hdown to Glenn and helped him up.

"Why'd you do that?! That wasn't funny!" Glenn exclaimed again, still laughing.

I pointed at Dale, "it was his idea."

"Hey," Dale pulled his hat off and smacked me on the arm with it, "what did I say?!"

Glenn shook his head, rubbing his beat red face. Dale put his hat back on and patted my shoulder, "our friend here noticed you were a bit down today."

I glanced at Dale. _Friend?_

"Not sure if I should thank you or not. That was really mean. You gave me a heart attack. Nice, kid." Glenn said, a huge grin on his face. I could tell he was trying to be serious.

 _Merle was right, that was fun._


	5. Mini Merle

**Hey readers! omygod we have 72 FOLLOWERS AND 36 FAVOURITES! I'm so happy I hope I don't disappoint you with this chapter. I feel like I may have gone a bit OCish on Merle. I hope not, trying to get his character right but at the same time . . . we know we want him to bond with our Toby. ANYWAYS I wanted to thank the reviewers!**

 **Rasha007 - Thank you for your constant reviews, idea, and opinions on the story. You really gave me a confidence booster when we talked about Just Gone, I hope you'll stick around until the end of Toby's story! You're awesome. (whenever it maybe and if I even get that far)**

 **Slintheaded - (Love your username BTW) Thank you so much, I'm glad you're enjoying it! I hope you like this chapter.**

 **leylinjan - THANKYOU I'm so glad! I hope I can keep you liking it lol.**

 **DreamBigandBeUnique - Toby and Daryl will get a lot closer don't worry, it's no secret that we have to part with Merle very soon :( but it starts the complicated, confusing relationship of Daryl and Toby that not even they understand! I'm so glad I have you 'hooked' I never thought anyone would use that word for something I wrote!**

 **Delenadreamer16 - I'm so happy you're interested in Toby's story! I hope I can keep you interested! I hope you like this chapter!**

 **I love all of you, thank you so much but I need to stop my cheeks hurt from smiling because you guys make me so happy!**

* * *

I was sitting on the ground against the side of the RV, half asleep with my arms hugging my knees while my head rested on them, when a sudden impact practically knocked me over.

"Toby. Git up, girlie. Ain't got all day."

My hands were on the ground to stop me from falling all the way, I glanced up at Merle, realizing he had kicked my side.

"Hurry up, or we're leavin without ya."

"Leavin'?" I asked, my head foggy from sleep. One glance up told me it was dawn, I wondered how long I had been sitting there, or if I had even really been asleep. It felt like I had only sat down a couple minutes ago.

"Goin' huntin'. Git your scrawny ass up, ain't waitin' any longer."

I nodded, finally putting together what was going on. I must've stood up a little too fast because everything spun around me for a brief moment.

"Go an' git your knives."

I nodded, feeling a mix of both excitement and anxiety about Merle helping me with knife throwing. Instead of just taking one knife, I took the whole leg wrap and strapped it around my left thigh, adjusting it until I was sure it wouldn't fall off. Then I snuck into the tent, careful not to wake Shane, took my slingshot from under my pillow, and stuck it in my waistband.

When I got back to Merle, his brother was with him. "Ready." I said.

Daryl glanced down at me, then to his brother, "your bringin' the kid? What the hell for?"

Merle shrugged, walking away, "said I would."

"Somethin's broke in your head, I swear." Daryl followed him, holding his crossbow over his shoulder. We walked through their small camp and as we did, Merle grabbed a rifle that was leaning against the tent. I trailed behind them quietly for a while, staying close but not too close.

"Go check the snares that way, see what else you can find. I'll check the ones this way, then I'm gonna show the girl how ta throw 'er knives."

Daryl glanced at me and shook his head, walking away, "I ain't even gonna ask."

Merle and Daryl split off into two different directions. Merle walked pretty fast, I was practically jogging to keep up with him. A few minutes later we came across one of his snares, but it hadn't caught anything.

"Merle?" I got up the courage to ask. He grunted in response as he continued walking, "how many snares you got?"

"Got 'bout six down this way." The next snare we got to had caught a squirrel. He freed it from the trap and handed it to me. I held it by the tail and watched as he reset the trap. "Ya daddy teach ya 'bout snares?"

I nodded, "after 'e taught me he always made me set 'em an' get whatever it caught. Don' think I did it right though, they didn' always catch anythin'. Daddy got mad lots."

"You can get the next one then," he said when he finished. As we began walking again he pulled a cigarette pack out of his vest pocket and lit one. I watched the cigarette as he smoked it, wondering why people liked it so much. It didn't smell good, at least not to me. He reached his hand out for the squirrel I held and I gave it to him.

With his free hand, he took the cigarette from his lips, "what?"

I shrugged, looking away. He stopped walking and reached the cigarette toward me.

"'ere," he said. "You wanna try it, righ'?"

I shook my head, "Daddy says I'm not allowed to touch his smokes."

"This ain't your daddy's, is it?" He gave his crooked smile.

 _He's right._ Hesitantly, I reached for the cigarette and took it. I adjusted my hold on it so it stuck between my index and middle finger, like I had seen many others do.

"Go on," he nodded at me.

I opened my mouth, placing it between my lips, then I inhaled. The minute the smoke hit my throat I erupted into a fit of coughs, and Merle took it from me. My mouth felt dry and my throat burned, it felt as if I had been swallowing sand. I found it hard to catch my breath with a tickling feeling in my throat, causing more coughs. Covering my mouth as the coughing began to subside, I heard another noise. Merle's laughter.

His eyebrows lifted in amusement as he shook his head, chuckling.

"That hurt," I rasped, wishing I had water with me. "You like that?"

"Yep."

"I don't get it . . . seems pointless and stupid," I said, walking beside him.

"It is," he smiled his full smile this time, but didn't look at me.

"Then why do you do it?"

"l'm allowed to do stupid shit, you ain't." He put the cigarette between his lips again as he spoke.

"Then why'd ya tell me do it?"

He took it away from his lips, glancing down at me, "ya wanna do it now?"

"Well, no."

"There ya go."

 _I don't get this guy._ We continued walking, and at the next snare, I freed the squirrel from the trap. When I did, I gave it to him and he told me to set it back up. He watched as I did what he said, I took a lot longer than he did at the last trap, but I did it. When I was done, he stared at it for a minute, inspecting it.

"Looks fine," he said, surprising me. "Sounds to me like ya just got shit luck."

I shrugged, trying to suppress my excitement from his praise. Every other trap except one, had caught a squirrel. In total we only had four squirrels. After the last snare we kept walking, I wasn't sure where we were going.

Merle abruptly stopped beside a tree we were passing. I followed his eyes to the tree and recognised the X carved in it. He put one of his fingers on it, tracing the carving.

"Tha's mine," I said.

He glanced at me, "you did this?"

I nodded, pointing away from us but not in the direction we were heading, "there's more down tha' way. I do it whenever I leave camp so I know how ta get back, get farther e'ery time."

"Good target as any." He turned away and walked a bit, but not in the way we were going.

"Huh?"

"Tha's your target, c'mere." He told me, I followed him until we were about ten feet away from the tree.

He held his hand out, "gimme one of 'em."

With my right hand, I reached over to my left thigh, pulled a knife out of it's slot, and gave it to him. He twirled it with his finger from the lanyard hole, ya know how ta hold it?"

I pulled another knife out and pinched the tip of the blade between the side of my index finger and my thumb. "This is how Daddy taught me."

"Lots a' ways ta hold 'em, tha's pro'ly the best way with how light these are." He held the knife over his head while stepping back with his right foot. He then quickly leaned forward and threw the knife.

With a _thunk_ it landed in the tree, about a foot above the target, "'aven't done this shit in years."

He nodded at me, indicating it was my turn. I took a step back with my right foot, just like he did while holding the knife over my head. After eyeing the X in the tree I threw it, it spun in the air and landed in the dirt right in front of the tree, blade in the dirt.

Merle nudged my shoulder, "you're s'posed ta hit tha tree."

"You were s'posed ta hit tha target," I muttered quietly.

"Shut ya mouth, brat. Try again."

I took another knife out and position it with my hand, when I threw it, it bounced off the side of the tree, a couple feet below the target.

"When ya throw it, shift your weight to your left leg."

I nodded, and got another knife. I did what he said and threw it. It hit the tree, still a great distance below the target. It stuck in the tree and I started to smile, but before either of us could say anything, it fell to the ground. My arms hung limply at my sides, disappointed.

"How long ago did your daddy teach ya this?"

"Two years ago, I think. When 'e gave up I still tried. I practised whenever 'e was sleepin' or left the house." I waited for him to get mad, but instead he just stared at me.

"Your fine, lotta people can't even throw 'em. Don' worry 'bout the target, jus' worry 'bout gettin' the knife in tha tree."

I nodded and got ready to throw another.

"Try gettin' mad, it helps. Think about your daddy if ya have ta."

 _Daddy? Why would thinking about him help?_

I decided to ignore that part, thinking about what made me mad. Shane made me angry, Lori mad me angry when she tried to get me to say my name when Carl came around. How closely they watched me only to forget I existed the next minute. How hard they tried to get me to play with the other kids, just because we were close to the same age, didn't mean I wanted to be around them. I was also frustrated with myself, not being able to sleep because I was afraid of getting in trouble, afraid of the nightmares themselves. Why wouldn't they go away?

I threw the knife, and with a _thunk_ it wedged itself into the tree. It wasn't in deep. I waited in anticipation for it to fall.

I smiled when it didn't, getting excited. I glanced at Merle. He had a small smile but he shook his head, "don' get cocky, keep throwin'"

I obeyed. The rest of the knives stuck in the tree. When I ran out, I went to retrieve them all, putting them back into their slots, then went back to throw them again. I did this several times. I stopped aiming for the target because it was clear I wouldn't hit it, not yet. So I stuck with just aiming at the tree, like Merle said. Each knife stuck in the tree, and not one dropped. After a while, Daryl found us. I wasn't sure how long we'd been there, but it must've been a while. I was retrieving my knives from the tree as Daryl watched with a skeptical gaze.

"How many?"

Merle was leaning against a tree, smoking. He raised his hand up, showing Daryl the squirrels he we got, "four, you?"

"Seven. Traps only got two, hunted the rest of the fuckers down. Should be enough."

Merle nodded and tossed away his cigarette, "le's get back, stew 'em up."

Merle and Daryl began walking away. I slightly panicked as I continued pulling my knives out of the tree.

"C'mon, girl, hurry up or we're leavin' ya scrawny ass behind!"

Once I freed the last knife, I stuck it in its slot and ran after the Dixons.

* * *

On the way back to camp, it started raining, it wasn't raining hard. But by the time we got back, my hair, which was still braided, was pretty wet.

Shane approached us almost immediately, he switched his gaze between me and the brothers, "where've you been?"

I glanced past Shane, much of the group was staring skeptically. Before I could open my mouth, Merle answered. "With me."

Something in Shane's expression changed, he seemed to be almost glaring.

Daryl cleared his throat, trying to fill the awkward silence, "got 'bout a dozen squirrel, should be 'nough."

Shane glanced at Daryl, but he was obviously at a loss for what to say. When he finally opened his mouth to say something, Merle didn't let him.

"Le's go," Merle nudged me, "got shit to do."

I began to follow Merle and Daryl to their tent, as I did I heard a hushed voice behind me, "you need to talk to her."

I wasn't sure who it was, but it sounded like Lori. _Who was she talking about? Please don't be me . . ._

In that moment, the rain seemed to come down harder. I sat beside where Merle usually sat, the rain pouring down on me, causing me to shiver. I brought my legs closer to me, then notice the wrap around my thigh that held my knives. My eyes widened. _Did Shane notice them?_ I glanced back to where he was standing, to see him leading Lori in the direction of their tent. It didn't look like he did. _Shane doesn't notice a lot of things,_.I reminded myself.

"Hate tha' prick." Daryl muttered.

"Calm your tits, Darlina. Not much longer now." Merle said, his voice tensed.

"You're makin' it worse keepin' tha' fuckin' kid aroun'. 'e obviously don' like it."

"Ya think I give a fuck what Deputy Dumbass likes? Gonna knock tha' asshole's teeth in next time I get tha chance."

I tucked my arms into myself, trying to get some warmth as they got their knives and bucket ready. He handed one to me, but his eyes didn't leave me. After a moment, he groaned and rolled his eyes, "fuck, kid."

I watched, confused as he went inside their tent. I could hear him scuffling around. When he came out he had something black hanging from his hand. He threw it over Daryl, and I _sort of_ caught it. It mostly just landed on me. I held it out at arm's length, realizing it was a leather jacket. I glanced at Merle as he sat down at my side.

"The fuck ya waiting for, put it on." He snapped, "le's get this done."

I slid the jacket on, thankful for the shield from the rain. the jacket was very big on me, it seemed to be eating me alive. The sleeves went past my wrists a great deal, but I didn't complain. "Thanks . . ." I mumbled awkwardly.

Merle just grunted, not looking at me. I began to attempt to roll the sleeves up as much as possible, I could feel Daryl's gaze on me as I did it, but I didn't say anything.

For the rest of the day I helped them prepare the food for the entire camp. The rain let up a little before we were finished preparing the meat, which we were relieved about. Everyone in camp was happy and thankful for the food. Each person had gotten more than their usual portion of food because of rationing, but there was more than enough and we ended up smoking some of the meat for the next day.

Everyone including Shane and the kids thanked the Dixon's. When Shane came up, he didn't say too much, just that he was grateful. He even held out his hand for Merle to shake, which, to my surprise, Merle accepted. Before leaving, Shane gave me a weary look, but it was obvious he couldn't say anything, even though he wanted to. The Dixon's had put food on the groups plates, he had no right to say anything except thank them. As soon as Shane walked away, Merle spouted some curses about the cop.

The rest of the group had a fire in the centre of camp, but the Dixon's stayed on their own, and I stayed with them. Once I finished eating, I realized no one in the group was planning on going to bed anytime soon. I had some time to hide my knives before and go to bed before Shane came to look for me. I also still had to go and wash the blood off my hands.

I stood u, "goin' ta bed."

Merle didn't even look at me as he inhaled his cigarette, "gonna sleep this time?"

"Pro'ly not . . . 'ere" I said, beginning to shrug the jacket off my shoulders.

Merle reached out with his free hand, pushing me back, "s'fine, now git."

 _I really don't get this guy._ I gave a nod, slowly turned around, and walked away.

* * *

The days that followed the hunting trip, much to the group's dismay, I was constantly in the shadow of Merle Dixon. Whether he was with his brother, hunting, or even talking to others in the group, I was with him.

I always made sure to leave the brothers at the right time before going to bed, just to make sure Shane wouldn't come and get me while I was with them. That wouldn't have gone well. In the mornings, Merle would always call me over to them, and I would stick around with him for the rest of the day. Unless he shooed me away, which happened every once in awhile, but he would usually call me back over later on. We didn't even talk to each other a lot, most of our time was spent in silence, or Merle and Daryl would talk and I would quietly listen.

That was the routine I settled into, I got used to their company and would go and sit with them when I got up in the morning. Sometimes they were both up, sometimes neither of them were, and sometimes, it was just Daryl. But it was never just Merle, apparently he slept in a lot, so I would sit with Daryl and wait for him to get up. Fortunately, Daryl never made me leave, but he didn't say anything either.

Daryl was still pretty quiet, he talked to his brother but mostly ignored my existence, which didn't bug me, he did the same with everyone except Merle. He was just as confused as I was why Merle kept me around.

In the mornings, Daryl was usually eating. And the few mornings we spent together, quietly waiting for Merle to wake up, he would give me some of whatever he was eating, it was usually berries or some leftover meat from the previous day.

The first time he handed me a few of his berries, I looked at them closely. He just rolled his eyes and said, "They ain't poisonous, been eatin' 'em for days, 'm fine."

"A'right then, mister Fine." I joked, and ate the berries. At my remark, he just scoffed.

Whether or not he was already awake when I went to sit down at the Dixon camp, Merle was always pretty aggravated in the mornings. I made sure to keep quiet around that time the most, not wanting him to send me away, and usually he didn't.

Surprisingly enough, I was never punished or scolded for telling Shane to fuck off. I was only a little surprised, Daddy never cared if I cursed, but cursing right at someone, was a different story.

I didn't sit with Dale as much, but whenever I encountered him, strangely enough, we were able to hold longer conversations. Before I always made sure not to talk too much, or I always dismissed who spoke to me.

The group wasn't too happy about me being around Merle. For a couple days, no one said anything. But the stares we got made it obvious, it was like no one was even trying to hide it. One morning, when I got up after Shane, like any other day, neither of the Dixon's were there. I wasn't sure if they went off somewhere or if they were still asleep, but I wasn't about to yank open their tent to check.

I decided to retrieve my slingshot, which I kept under my pillow, and just one of my knives. When I had them, I set off into the woods, following the marks I put in the trees with my knife the last time I snuck off. I had gotten farther than last time and had to make a few new marks. On my walk, I hadn't seen anything but a few birds.

After scraping one last mark in the tree, I followed them back to camp. Walking onto the campsite, I saw Merle almost immediately. He was standing by the RV, talking to Amy's sister, who I heard was called Andrea. She shook her head at him, obviously irritated, and walked away. Merle spotted me, his mouth curved upward in a smug grin. He nodded his head toward his own camp, walking over to it.

I was about to follow when Shane stepped in front of me. His eyebrows were furrowed in what I believed to be frustration, "where have you been?"

"We've been worried sick," Lori said, her arms crossed.

 _This is what happens when Carl's in trouble._ I'd seen it from far away. _Think, what does Carl do when this happens?_ I thought about it, thinking about his reaction whenever he was in trouble. He was always really quiet when it happened, always looking at his feet. _Just stand there and take it_.

I am suddenly aware of the knife in my hand, I pressed it flat against my thigh, covering it the best I can with my hand. I'm happy to have the slingshot tucked into my waistband, covered by the baggie pink shirt. I lifted my free hand and pointed to the trees, "out there."

"On your _own_?!" Lori said angrily.

"Yeah."

"You can't do that, kid." Shane said, "no one goes anywhere alone. You know that."

"But I did."

Shane shook his head, then crouched down to my level, "it's for your own protection. We were worried, you weren't in the tent, or with Dale, or even Dixon. You can't just run off. We didn't know where you'd gone-"

"-Or how long I'd been gone." I muttered. His expression hardened, making my insides cringe in fear and regret. _Keep your mouth shut_ , I reminded myself, _don't be bad. You're already trouble._ My eyes flickered to his belt, I felt almost lightheaded with relief to see it properly buckled. Daddy often wore his belt loose or unbuckled at home, ready to pull out if I did something I wasn't supposed to.

Daddy never cared when I left the house, whether it was the woods or anywhere else. I felt confused and frightened for being scolded for something I hadn't been before.

"Hun," Lori placed a hand on my shoulder, I jumped back, knocking it off. She lowered her eyes a bit, "things aren't like they were before. I know you said you went camping a lot with . . . with your father, but you can't just go off on your own. It's dangerous, a lot more than before. If something happened, there was no way we would've known. Do you understand?"

I nodded, "yes, ma'am." I switched my gaze to Shane, making sure to show the regret I felt, "I-I'm sorry."

Shane bit his lip and nodded, he stood up, "it's alright. Tell ya what, next time you wanna go for a walk, I'll take ya myself."

I gave a smile and a small nod. I was about to walk away, but he stopped me. "One more thing."

I turned to him as he ran a hand through his hair, "it's about you and Dixon."

My eyes flickered past Shane, seeing Merle about ten feet away. He was close to his camp but had obviously stopped on the way. His arms were crossed and he was sending a glare our way, I was pretty sure it was directed toward Shane. I wondered if he could hear from there, _probably._

Lori watched me intently, "we're glad you're opening up more and making friends. But it'd be best to stick around those your age. If you're still not ready for that, you're welcome to help me and the ladies around camp. We just don't think Merle Dixon is the most appropriate company to keep around, especially for a young lady."

My eyes narrowed, _excuse her?_

Shane stood up, giving his best smile, "I'm sure Dale would be happy for your company if you decided to join him. The Dixon's are grown men, I'm sure their jobs and conversations aren't very . . . _thrilling_. You have to be bored just sitting around all day."

I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to calm the anger rising in my stomach. _That's exactly what I do with Dale, you dumbass. I do a lot more than sit around with Merle._

I thought about all of it for minute. Shane had been the one who took me to camp with him, he was the leader by default because he was a cop. He had been taking care of me, and I did share a tent with him. _But you never actually sleep in that tent, do you?_

Again, I was at a loss at who to listen to. I glanced at Merle, who was still in the same place as before. He wasn't telling me what to do, but there was something in his expression, as if he was expecting something.

Merle acted a lot like Daddy, but he seemed a lot calmer. Not bothered by the same things Daddy was, at least not as much. I hadn't been punished once since arriving at the camp, and I'd spent most of that time around a man who seemed to mirror Daddy, which made things even more confusing for me. _Mirror must be broken._

Instead of saying anything to either of them, I gave a slight nod. Both Lori and Shane looked at each other with obvious relief. Then I walked by Shane, over to Merle. I could feel their eyes on me as I went toward him. Merle gave me a crooked smile, and from that, I could tell he heard. When I reached him he patted me on the back, turning around with an arm over my shoulders, leading me to the Dixon camp. I glanced up at Merle as he sent a smug smile their way.

I was pretty sure that one of the reasons he let me stick around was to spite the rest of the group. I was okay with that, especially after what had just happened with Shane and Lori. I sort of understood why they were doing it, I had been following Merle for days, hearing his conversations with other members of the group. I knew he wasn't anyone's favourite, niether of the brothers were, but they put food on the plates.

"Wanna knock tha' fuckers teeth in." I muttered, repeating the words Merle had spoken so many times before, trying my best to sound like him.

He just laughed, pulling me closer into his side as we walked.

* * *

 **I'm sorry this took so long. I'm starting some college courses along with my highschool ones so updates may be a bit slower. I'm going to do my best. That actually isn't why this chapter took so long though, it's because when the Dixon's and Toby get back from hunting, Merle and Shane were meant to have a slight spat about Merle hanging around her. But I couldn't find any words for it. I might add it in this chapter in the future if I get any ideas, if I do I'll let you know to come back to this chapter. But for now I'm just going to leave it, unless you have any suggestions?**

 **Anyway, so the next chapter will be another Toby+Dixon brother's one. Then the one after that will be a flashback chapter, and then it will meld into the first season of the show! That's what I have planned so hopefully that's what'll happen.**

 **I hope you guys liked this, remember reviews = motivation = quicker updates. Just don't be too harsh on me.**

 **And remember to give any opinions and ideas!** **If you want to, maybe tell me what you think of Toby so far. I hope you like her.**

 **Also, Toby's dad needs a name, I have a last name picked out for both of them but her dad needs a first name. If you have an idea, give it with your review. You'll meet him in the flashback chapter.**

 **Thank you for reading and following!**


	6. An Isolated Incident

**OMG before posting chapter 5 (Mini Merle) there was 36 favourites and 72 followers. Now there are 97 followers and 52 favourites! You guys are so great.**

 **I just want to make this clear. Many people have asked, some have told me to not to** **, others want me too. But this was decided before I wrote the first chapter.**

 **TOBY IS NOT A DIXON. This is _almost-basically_ proved in the flashback chapter but I'm just clearing it up. Toby isn't related to Daryl and Merle. I feel like if they were related, it would defeat the whole purpose of their relationship. (I don't know if that makes sense)**

 **There is a reason that in the first chapter, Merle thought Toby looked familiar to him, but that won't be revealed for a while. (sorry lol)**

 **As for Merle being left behind on the rooftop . . . I don't want to, and many of you don't want me too. But remember how in season 3, it was revealed that Merle and Daryl were planning on robbing the camp? The only reason that didn't happen, was because Merle was left behind, if he wasn't Daryl never would've gotten close to the group and gave a shit.**

 **With Merle gone, it will give Daryl and Toby some bonding time.**

 **MERLE WILL RETURN. Well . . . most of him . . . his knife hand is badass though.**

 **BTW this chapter isn't edited, I finished it and got too anxious. So I just posted it. I hope it's good enough for you guys :)**

* * *

My attempts to give Merle his jacket seemed futile, for whatever reason. Maybe I just tried to give it back at all the wrong times. I either wore it, or kept it in mine and Shane's tent, waiting for him to ask for it back. On the days it wasn't too hot, I wore it around camp. But those days were still pretty warm, I mostly did it to continue confusing and angering the camp. Maybe that was why he didn't ask for it back, another way to spite the group.

As the days rolled by, Shane proved to not be the one I should listen to. Whenever I didn't listen he didn't seem to do anything about it, and no punishment came into view.

Merle hadn't punished me either, but he seemed willing enough. Around Merle, I always knew what to do, because he told me. He told me what to do and what not to do, one of the things he told me _not_ to do, was listen to _Deputy Dumbass_.

I was okay with that. Even though I had many awkward moments with the Dixon's, the awkwardness went away and I was getting very used to them. But with Shane, it was never ending, I didn't know what to do when I was around him because he never told me. He would even tell Carl to go do his chores, but no one ever really gave me any. But they never stopped me from helping if I asked.

When another day came by that neither of the brothers were awake, I went for another walk through the woods, the first one since Shane had told me not to.

Each walk took me farther and farther into the forest, I was never sure how long I walked for, my concept of time was terrible. But this walk had to have been over an hour.

With my eyes on the ground, I stopped abruptly. For a minute, I just stared at it, my mind trying to make up whether it was real.

I crouched low, running my hands over the deep imprint in the dirt. Excitement built in my stomach and I smiled. As quickly as possible, I went to the closest tree and carved another marking in it, practically jumping up and down as I did so. When I was done, I ran back to camp.

Camp was pretty far away, I had to stop at least twice to attempt to catch my breath. I ran through camp, over to the Dixon's, dodging people as I passed. _Please be there,_ I silently begged.

As I turn around one of the tents, I slammed into something hard, falling backward onto my butt. A sound of surprise and pain escaped my lips as I rubbed my forehead, which had suffered most of the impact. I looked in front of me seeing Carl on the ground, his eyes were closed and he was clutching his nose with both hands.

"Ow . . ." he groaned. When he opened his eyes, they widened at the sight of me. "Oh, I'm sorry . . . I didn't see you," he said, voice muffled by his hands.

"I's okay . . . didn't see you either . . . Are ya bleedin'?" I asked him, still rubbing my forehead. I felt angry at him, but at the same time, I knew it was my fault and felt guilty.

He pulled his hands from his nose and looked down at them, "no, just hurt a bit, that's all."

"Sorry."

We stared at each other for a bit, then he asked, "are you okay?"

"Yeah," an awkward silence followed my answer. I spent a lot of my time in silence, I preferred it. But I hated it when it was awkward, the awkwardness made the air feel heavy and suffocating. Neither of us knew what to say. I hated the feeling of not knowing what to say, mostly because I didn't want to say anything, but the awkwardness made me feel like I had too.

After a while, he started to get up, "uh, here." He stood in front of me and held his hand out. I raised my eyebrows then hesitantly took it, pushing myself off the ground as he pulled me up.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome," he said, and the silence continued. After what felt like an eternity, I remembered the reason I was running in the first place. I glanced over at the Dixon brothers camp, seeing Daryl, but not Merle. I took a step passed Carl to leave when his voice stopped me.

"Me and Sophia are going down to the water . . . you can come if you want."

I stared at him then glanced around, expecting to see Lori and Shane watching us. Neither of them were in sight, leading me to believe that Carl wasn't asking because they were making him.

I thought about it, almost wanting to say yes, "I gotta go, sorry. Bye." I answered, walking toward Daryl.

"Maybe later?"

I glanced back at him, giving a nod, "maybe, just not now."

I jogged over to the lone Dixon, disappointed it was only him. I stood in front of him, watching as he sharpened one of his arrows while waiting for him to notice me.

After a while, I became impatient, excited for what I was about to tell him, "mister Daryl?"

He continued what he was doing, not looking at me, "what."

"I saw-"

"-Go bug Merle for a while, will ya?"

My excitement plummeted, dropping into my stomach, causing it to churn anxiously, "I . . . I found . . . uh . . ."

"Spit it out, girl." I jumped at the voice and turned around to see Merle, almost backing into Daryl. "What you find?" Merle continued, his arms crossed.

My anxiety settled into my stomach, feeling like a lead weight. My smile and excitement were both gone, instead I was now a bit scared. This was news to be excited about, but the tracks had been there a while, it was possible the trail had gone cold by now. If I showed either of them and that was the case, I may get in trouble for wasting their time.

Merle went to sit in his usual. I had already caught their attention, there was no sense in not telling them now. "Uh . . . tracks. I saw deer tracks."

Daryl's head shot up at me, staring in disbelief as Merle did the same. They glanced at each other before turning back to me.

"No ya didn'," Daryl said, squinting his eyes, almost in a glare.

"Ye-"

"-Been lookin' e'eryday, circlin' the camp for miles. There's nothin'."

Merle raised a hand, his voice serious, yet amused at the same time as he turned to Daryl. "Now, now, hold up, baby brother. Don' think the lil' darlin would make this up."

I hesitantly gave a nod as Daryl turned his glare to his brother.

Merle ignored his brother as he looked at me, eyes soft but expression hard, "where'd ya see 'em?"

I pointed in the direction of mine and Shane's tent, that was always where I went off into the woods, from there I just followed my marks. "Over tha' way, they're kinda far. An' they're old."

"How old?" Merle asked me.

At first, his tone had been encouraging, but at that question I got nervous again, not wanting to disappoint him. "I . . . I don't know. I can tell whether or not tracks are fresh, but I can't tell how long they been there. I ain't good at that."

Merle grunted in response and pulled out a cigarette. After lighting it and inhaling, he nodded at Daryl, "go see."

"Ya can't be serious," Daryl said.

"Dyin' for a fuckin' steak. Go see if it's worth goin' after."

"Me? The hell I gotta go for? You go."

Merle inhaled again, his smirk making an appearance, "can't, got shit ta do."

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

Merle stood up with his cigarette hanging from his lips. He patted Daryl's shoulder, "wha's wrong, Darlina? Afraid ta follow a lil' girl inta tha woods? Relax, kid don' bite."

"Shut up."

He chuckled, "go, ya might teach 'er somethin'. Hell, maybe _you'll_ learn somethin'." Merle looked at me and did a double take. He squinted his eyes and raised his index finger, poking the centre of my forehead, "the hell 'appened 'ere?"

"Ow, hey." I groaned, pushing his hand away and rubbing the forming bump on my forehead. "I ran into Carl."

"The hell ya do tha' for?"

I crossed my arms, feeling angered at his question. _I didn't do it on purpose._ I opened my mouth to say something, then stopped. _Don't talk back, don't be bad._

I shrugged in response. Merle shook his head and turned around walking toward the groups camp. Daryl grabbed his crossbow, muttering a string of curses under his breath as Merle walked away.

"Le's go," he said roughly, passing me. I rushed ahead of him and lead him over to the other tents, before we could get any further, he stopped and turned around. I followed his eyes to Merle, who was talking to Glenn and Shane.

"Think ya broke my brother," he said, and began walking again.

* * *

"Fuck, kid, how far'd ya go?" Daryl asked as we passed another marking.

"I's over there." I said, pointing ahead.

Daryle rushed ahead of me, taking long strides to the next marked tree. He scanned the ground as he passed it.

"No, wrong side," I told him. He glanced at me and I walked to the other side of the tree, slightly afraid that, for some reason, the tracks would disappear. But I easily found them. Daryl came beside me and crouched low to the ground, doing the same thing I did, running his fingers over the imprint.

"They're old," I said, "but they're there."

"Yeah, couple days maybe."

" . . . can ya still find it?" I asked hesitantly.

"It'll take a while, but yeah." Daryl glanced up at me, "nice eye."

I felt elated, as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I heard a strange sound from a distance away, I couldn't really interpret what it was. I turned around, searching the trees. More sounds followed, sounds like moaning and crunching. I squinted my eyes, trying to get a better view of the movement I saw behind the trees.

I watched as a figure came into view. It was a man, or what was left of one. His clothes were tattered and bloody, his skin a dull greying colour, eyes a glowing yellow.

"Daryl?" I practically whimpered. I heard his movement behind me, knowing he was seeing what I was. I watched from the corner of my eye as he raised his crossbow.

"Shit." He muttered as we saw more of them appear from behind the man, "go back, now."

I began to turn, only to see more. Their groaning and moaning became louder at the sight of us, "there's more."

"Shit," he said again, I heard the sound of his crossbow go off, and a squelching sound as it hit its target. I clutched my knife in my hand, body shaking in fear. My heart beat increased and got louder by the second, I was sure those monsters could hear it. It wasn't the first time I had seen one of them, but it didn't make the situation any less terrifying.

My arm was yanked roughly and I yelped, seeing the monsters blackened teeth inches from my face. I fell backward and it fell on top of me, hissing and groaning as it dug it's nails into my skin. I placed my hand n its throat attempting to push it back as a sickening smell entered my nostrils, it took everything I had not gag. I knew the smell, on hikes and hunting me and Daddy had seen our fair share of animal corpses.

I took my knife, stabbing it in the shoulder. The knife didn't go very deep, it's body pushing me into the ground hadn't given me much momentum. It pushed harder against me, it's nose almost touching mine. I tried to pull the knife out of its shoulder but its weight pushed my elbow into the dirt, making it impossible.

I was holding my breath as sounds of protest escaped my throat, I tried pushing it off of me, but my efforts were futile. I heard a _thwack_ sound and yelped as something shot out from the centre of the monster's forehead. All at once it's movement ceased and its head dropped down on me. The weight of the body was taken off of me as I started breathing again.

I stared up at Daryl in shock, still trying to process what happened. Looking around, I saw all the monsters lying motionless on the ground. I counted five of them.

Daryl reached down and with one hand, pulled me up, "ya bit? Scratched?"

I couldn't talk, I was attempting to breathe at a normal pace, but my shaking wasn't helping. Daryl placed his crossbow on the ground and began to examine my shoulders. He glanced at my neck then grabbed my right arm, turning it to see some fresh blood. There were stains on the ends of the sleeves from gutting and skinning food over the past week.

He grabbed the hem of my sleeve and began to pull up, that was when I was snapped back into reality. I immediately pulled away from him.

"I need to see if your bit," he said.

"I ain't."

"Your bleedin'."

"I ain't bit."

He rolled his eyes and took my arm again, I tried to pull away but his grip only got tighter. He yanked my sleeve up and stared at my arm. On my forearm, close to my elbow, were two round spots of blood. He whipped the blood away with his hand, revealing two red crescent shaped marks from the monster's nails.

Fear knotted in my stomach, "am I gonna die?" I asked in a whisper.

He grunted, "think you're fine, 'aven't seen no one die from scratches yet."

 _Yet._

"The fuck?" He breathed out as his eyes trained down my arm. He stared down at the multiple white, circular scars that adorned my forearm. He turned my arm to see the other side, revealing more, some a more pinkish colour, still healing and more fresh than the others.

Daryl's eyes met mine in an unreadable expression. He dropped my arm, reaching for the other one, but I was able to pull back in time. He stared at me, not making a move to push any further. After staring at each other for a moment, he glanced around at the bodies. When he went to retrieve his arrows I pulled my sleeve down, covering the cigarette burns.

I turned to the monster that attacked me and slowly pulled the arrow out of its head, afraid it would jump at me again. I pulled my knife out of its shoulder and looked at Daryl who was watching me.

He reached for his arrow and I gave it to him, "next time, get it in the head."

"Huh?" I asked.

"I's gotta be the brain, or it won't die."

"Oh," I breathed out.

"Doesn't look like anymore are comin', le's get back, tell the others."

* * *

"Can't stay 'ere no more, i's fuckin' _stupid._ " Daryl said angrily.

To be honest, I didn't remember the walk back. I stayed close to Daryl, replaying what happened over in my head multiple times. Then suddenly, Daryl had stopped walking and was yelling at Shane. I hadn't caught the first part of the conversation.

"My brother's right." Merle said, stepping in beside Daryl and Shane, "gonna get killed if we don' move the camp."

"It was only a few, you took care of it." Shane protested.

"An' if I don' next time?" Daryl asked in a condescending tone.

"They don't usually come this far into the mountains. In case it does happen again, that's why we have the noise traps around the camp, we'll hear them coming."

"It'll 'appen again, tha' ain't gonna stop shit," Daryl told him.

Merle crossed his arms, glaring at the officer, "can't be much left for 'em to eat in the city, more are gonna come sooner or later. You're bein' a fuckin-"

"-We aren't leaving!" Shane yelled,"we're staying right here! It was one of very few isolated incidents. This is the safest place to be."

"Somethin's broke in your head. Thought you were a fuckin' cop, you're supposed ta at least try to protect these dumbasses." Merle said, jabbing a finger in Shane's direction.

"I am!"

Merle placed his hands on Shane's chest, pushing him back, "you're doin' a shit job of it!"

Shane stepped toward Merle, going right in his face. "It's too risky to go somewhere else. When the government starts cleaning this mess up, they'll start with the cities. This is the best place to be for the rescue, they'll find us faster if we stay here!"

"Are ya fuckin' kidding me right now? No one's comin'! They ain't cleanin' nothin'!" Merle shook his head.

"Yes, they will! If we go run and hide somewhere else it could take them months to find us. We'll be fine here."

"Ya wanna get e'eryone killed?! Fine!" Daryl turned away, walking toward his tent.

"Asshole," Merle muttered, and turned to follow his brother.

Shane sighed, running a hand through his hair. I turned away from him to follow the Dixons but he caught my arm, "hey, what did I tell you about going out there?"

I internally groaned, but I knew there was no avoiding this. After Shane told me not to go into the woods alone a couple days ago, I had avoided him the best I could. We actually hadn't talked since then.

"Ta not do it," I answered.

"And what did you do?"

"I went with mister Daryl."

His expression hardened, "kid, I know its been hard for you and I don't want to make it worse on you, but you can't keep doing this. I told you that you can't-"

"-Ya told me not ta go out there _alone_. I didn't do anythin' ya didn't want me to." I lied to him, I did go out alone this morning. _But he doesn't know that._

"I didn't mean take Daryl Dixon. Listen, I've been trying to tell you, the Dixons are bad news. You should be around others your own age."

I didn't respond to that. How many times were we going to have this conversation? There's nothing wrong with them, they're the reason the group has food.

"I saw Carl and Sophia with the Morales kids down by the quarry, why don't you-"

"-You ain't my daddy."

His eyes widened and something in his expression seemed to break at my words. He looked away, thinking hard. I pulled away from him, not sure what his problem was, and followed the Dixons.

" . . . gonna get them all killed," I heard Daryl say when I caught up to them.

"These people don' stand a chance," Merle said.

"When can we-"

"-what'd ya find out there, besides those rotting fucks," Merle interrupted.

Daryl grunted, sitting in his usual spot when we reached their camp, "trails a couple days old. It'll take a while but I can probably find it. I can leave tonight, get back as soon as possible."

"Good," Merle said, sitting down, "give ya somethin' ta do while I'm gone."

"The fuck you goin'?"

"On a run, Officer Dumbass got a group together, leavin' in tha mornin'. I volunteered." He smiled, looking proud of himself.

"The hell ya doin' tha' for? Doesn't the China Kid go 'imself?"

I thought for a moment, remembering when Glenn had come back from his last run. Glenn hadn't gone anywhere since.

"'Parently, what 'appened was he went on his usual run, saw a bunch of those dead fucks and pussied out. So, Officer High an' Mighty got a group together. Thought I should help out."

"An' for what reason?"

Merle made his expression soft, placing a hand on his chest, "only outta the goodness of my heart."

Daryl rolled his eyes, and Merle burst into laughter. I smiled and sat down, a couple feet away from the both of them.

"Why bother? I mean, aren't we . . ." Daryl glanced at me, " . . . y'know."

Merle glanced at me also, then back to his brother, "yeah, once I get back. Better ta wait 'til afta' tha run, whether I go or not."

Daryl nodded, silent while he stared at me. I stared back raising my eyebrows in question.

"Kid got scratched," Daryl said, turning to Merle.

"Huh? By what?"

"Ya know what. Had 'er pinned ta the ground, she ain't bit though."

"Le' me see it," Merle leaned toward me, reaching toward me, expression hard.

Daryl reached his arm out at Merle in a gesture, "don', man."

Merle froze, staring at his brother, "what?"

"Jus' don'." They stare at each other intently, something unreadable seemed to pass through them.

Merle frowned, sitting back in his spot, "beat it, girl, will ya?"

I didn't say anything. I felt a bit disappointed but didn't show it as I got up and began to walk away.

"Eh!" Merle called.

I turned back to him.

"Don't be goin' out there again, not without me or Daryl."

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, "you told me not to listen to Officer Shane."

"Tha's why _I'm_ tellin' ya. Ya hear me?"

I gave a nod, "yes, Merle." I turned and walked away.

* * *

After I left the brothers, I went over by the car Glenn used for going on runs. I sat on the trunk, my legs crossed, facing the road. I kept expectin' Daddy to drive up in our car, but I knew he wouldn't. Our car was still stuck in the traffic jam on the highway. That made me wonder, would he walk here? Or try to find a car that wasn't blocked?

Maybe that was what was taking him so long, he was walking here. _But even so, shouldn't he be here? The highway isn't that far._ I glanced down at my hands, they were hidden by the sleeves of Merle's jacket.

"There ya are."

I turned my head to see Merle, a cigarette hanging from his lips. He took it from his lips, exhaling, "was lookin' for ya."

"Ya told me ta beat it."

"Had ta talk to Daryl for a bit," he said coming closer. "Fuck ya doin' over 'ere?"

I shrugged, not really wanting to answer. He walked around me and hopped up on the trunk beside me, making the car rock. He placed his elbows on his knees, raising the cigarette back to his lips.

"Why are ya goin' on tha' run?" I asked.

"Figured I'd lend a hand." **-(A/N OMG I didn't even get this until I typed it . . . feel so bad but I'm gonna leave it.)**

"You don' even like 'em," I said.

he shrugged, "you don' either, huh?

I didn't, but it felt wrong to admit it. Sure I was annoyed by most the people in the group, but they did try to talk to me. They just didn't understand that I didn't want to be talked to. They all seemed nice enough, but being around them always gave me things to be confused about. When I was with Merle and Daryl, it was simple.

"Daryl told me wha' 'appened."

"I know," I said, I heard Daryl telling Merle what happened, I was there for that. But I knew Merle was talking about after I left. _What did Daryl tell him?_ I glanced at Merle, only to find him looking down. I followed his eyes to my arms. _Oh,_ I realised. Pulling my arms closer, embarrassed.

"I told ya, I get inta trouble lots."

Merle turned away, not saying anything for a moment, inhaling and exhaling his cigarette. I glanced down at my lap, pulling both sleeves back to reveal my hands. Out of habit, I began to pick the dirt from my nails.

"Your scratches, they hurt?"

"Nah, they did at first. They're fine unless I think 'bout 'em. But . . ."

"But what?"

 _I'm scared._ I didn't know a lot about death, I didn't even know if there was more to know about it. But I did know I didn't want to become one of those things. _I don't want to look like that, I don't want to have those eyes,_ I thought. Imagining those yellow, predatory eyes that would haunt my nightmares.

"Eh,"

I glanced up at him and he brought his hand close to my face. I leaned backward, confused at his movements.

"Hol' still, wha' I tell ya 'bout cowerin'," he said, holding his cigarette between his teeth. I froze at his words, still confused and a bit scared about what he was doing. He used the side of his palm, wiping it across my forehead, then my cheek. "Got blood on your face."

He pulled away, wiping his hand on his pants. I rubbed my eyes, trying to relieve the tiredness I felt. But it only made it worse. I missed being home, I wanted to be home. I missed Daddy too and was wondering where he was. But I wanted it to be one of those days he wasn't home, where I could sleep without worrying about waking anyone up.

The nightmares were scary, before and after people started getting sick and attacking each other. But I had held off on sleep long enough to know I couldn't do it much longer. A yawn escaped my mouth and I covered it with my mouth.

"Still ain't sleepin? Told ya, ya can't hide from sleep forever."

"I'm not, jus' . . ."

"They're jus' dreams, kid."

 _Ain't just about the dreams,_ I thought, _I don't want to be bad._

"Deputy Dumbass," he remarked, "watchin' you, tellin' ya what ta do, sayin' you're his responsibility. He don' even know where ya are half the time, shares a tent with ya an' doesn' even know ya ain't sleepin'."

"I'm good at hidin' it."

"No ya ain't, got circles under your eyes, look like a damn corpse."

I cringed. That had gotten to me. I raised my hand up, feeling under my eyes, but I didn't feel anything different. Merle hopped off the car, making it rock.

"C'mon."

I jumped down and grabbed my knife that was also on the trunk of the car. I followed him to his and Daryl's tent without question.

He unzipped the entrance and held the flap open, "get in."

I looked at him in confusion, "but-"

"-Now," he commanded. I did what he said and crawled into the tent.

I glanced around. The inside was pretty messy, there were clothes scattered everywhere and two bags leaning against the side of the tent. There were also two sleeping bags, a lantern in between the two.

"Sit down," Merle ordered, pushing me toward the nearest sleeping bag. I did what he said and sat down on it. I watched as he got to his knees and began rummaging through one of the bags, his back facing me.

I glanced around the tent again, surprised I was even there, "where's mister Daryl?"

"Went huntin', be gone a day, maybe two. Depends."

Merle pulled out a large plastic bag, filled with orange bottles. I recognised the pill bottles immediately, Daddy usually had a lot of them. I then remembered the one pill bottle in my hiding place.

He reached into the bag, opened a bottle and took a single, white, oval shaped pill out. I watched as he bit the pill in half and spit it into the bottle. He held his hand out to, the other half of the pill settled on his palm.

Hesitantly, I took it. Merle then put the bottle into the bag and put the bag back. He reached for a half full water bottle next to the other sleeping bag. He tossed the bottle and it landed in front of me.

"Take it."

"Why?"

"Jus' do it."

Merle watched me as I put the pill in my mouth and washed it down with the water, "go ta sleep."

I scrunched my eyebrows together in confusion, "i's still daylight." Thinking about it, it couldn't have been more than a couple hours past noon.

"Ya look like death, kid. Now lie your scrawny ass down 'fore I beat it."

I glanced down at the sleeping bag, "here?"

"Yes, here!" He huffed, obviously frustrated. I did what he said and lied down on the sleeping bag, when I did, the smell of sweat and dirt hit my nostrils. It was a scent I was used to from camping over the years.

Merle got off his knees, half standing as he began to leave the tent.

"You're leavin'?" I asked.

"What? Ya need a fuckin' bedtime story?" He snapped.

I shook my head, guilty I made him mad. H e grunted and left the tent.

When I was outside during the night, I knew better than to lie down. because once you did, it became almost impossible to fight sleep. Lying down made your exhaustion known. And that's what happened as I laid on the sleeping bag, the exhaustion I had been fighting so hard, hit me like a title wave.

 _I really don't get this guy._

* * *

I opened my eyes, confused because I never remembered closing them. My eyelids felt sore and heavy, I rubbed them with my index finger and thumb. I was aware of a funny feeling in my forehead, it wasn't painful but it wasn't not painful. I used my index finger and pressed against one of my temples, trying to decipher whether or not I had a headache.

I slowly sat up, even though my body seemed to protest. My legs and arms felt heavy. I glanced around, trying to make sense of my surroundings.

 _I'm in Merle's tent._ I slowly crawled toward the tent flap and zipped it open. I looked out, noticing the sun was going down. _How long was I sleeping for? Felt like days._

Then it hit me, _I slept._

I stood up, stumbling a bit at first, my legs feeling weak. Suddenly Merle was in front of me, I wasn't sure where he'd come from or how long he'd been there, but he was just suddenly . . . there.

"I feel weird," I told him.

"You're still tired,"

I groaned in response, rubbing my eyes.

"Dumbass is lookin' for ya, by the RV. Must've realized he ain't seen ya all day," he scoffed.

I groaned again and nodded, looking up at the darkening sky. It seemed about the time that Shane would look for me if I wasn't already in bed. I walked around Merle to the RV and found Shane.

"Hey, kid." He said, "feeling alright?"

"Jus' tired."

He nodded, biting his lip, "let's get you in bed, okay?"

I just nodded again, too exhausted to speak. We walked side by side to our tent, when we got there his hand left my back, I han't realize until then that he was even touching me.

I laid down in my cot, closing my eyes as soon as my head hit the pillow. I felt the blanket being draped over me, and heard Shane's voice, "night, kid. Need anythin' just call me."

* * *

As soon as my eyes opened, I felt very aware of my surroundings. I sat up quickly, knowing a lot of time must have passed. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt so awake. It was very bright out and Shane wasn't in his cot, I was confused for a moment. I knew I had been asleep for a long time, but I hadn't usually slept in. Not unless I knew Daddy wouldn't be home.

I left the tent and looked up at the sky, the sun was high but I could tell it wasn't quite noon yet. The camp was pretty lively, everyone seemed busy and in a good mood. Even Carl, Sophia, and the other two kids were laughing louder than usually as they chased each other across camp.

I went over to the Dixon brothers camp. Merle was sitting with his rifle in hand, clicking parts together, preparing it. Merle glanced up at when I stopped in front of him, then glanced back down at his gun.

"You jus' gettin' up?"

I nodded, slightly smiling, "yeah." I felt happy and energetic, I couldn't remember the last time I hadn't been tired.

"Was wonderin' where your scrawny ass was at," he mumbled, working hard on the rifle. I wasn't entirely sure what he was doing, I just knew he was getting it ready.

"You leavin' on tha' run?" I asked.

"Yeah, leavin' real soon. Shouldn't be gone too long, s'long as these pussies don' fuck it up. Hell, if Daryl gets lucky, might be back 'fore I am." Merle's rifle straightented out, the sound of multiple clicks following. "Hol' this," he told me, pushing the gun in my direction.

I took it from him, holding the barrel of the rifle with both hands, pointing it at the sky, the butt of it was pressed into the ground. I watched Merle as he reached into his vest pocket, and pulled out his cigarettes. Once he had one lit, he took the gun back.

He held the barrel of the rifle with one hand, and his cigarette in the other. His head was, but tilted so he could look up at me.

"Gotta talk ta ya."

"Me?"

"Who the fuck else?" He snapped, "you're the only one stupid enough ta follow ol' Merle 'round."

I looked down at my feet, feeling guilty and a bit afraid. _Was I being bad?_ Did he not want me around? I remembered the past couple times he had called me over himself, so that didn't seem to make sense.

"Don' like it 'ere, do ya?" I heard him ask, but his tone didn't seem questioning, "with them."

I looked up at him, confusion etched into my features, "neither do you."

He took his cigarrete between his fingers, exhaling smoke in the opposite direction, "asshole's gonna get this entire camp killed, ain't smart ta stay here, won't even tell the shitheads what happened."

"Are ya talkin' 'bout Officer Shane?"

"You don' like these people, don' like this camp," his tone was expressionless, he seemed to be confirming something. This conversation seemed, odd. It was very obvious I wasn't comfortable there. But what could I do about it? I had no right to complain. I was fine with camping, but I had never been with so many people at once, it was weird not having Daddy around. I hadn't minded the location, but after the previous day, I knew the Dixons were right, it wasn't safe there. But again, I was just a little girl, it didn't matter what I thought

I gave a shrug, "better with them than with the dead ones."

"Hey, Dixon."

I turned around, recognising Morales. His skin was a bit darker, a light brown, his hair was dark and curly. I had never talked to him, but I hadn't talked to most people in the camp. I had seen Moreles with the two children I didn't know the name of and their mama, I guessed he was their daddy.

"We're all ready, you still coming?" He asked Merle.

Merle gave a nod, standing up, "calm your tits, beaner, be right there."

Morales lips pressed together, rolling his eyes. His eyes caught mine and he gave me a smile, "good morning."

I didn't respond, a little surprised he had taken notice to me. He gave me a nod, then turned to walk toward the supply car.

Merle walked passed me, holding his rifle over his shoulder, but seemed to slow his pace as he looked down at me. I followed him, saying close at his side.

"Would ya leave?"

I glanced up at him, even more confused than before, "an' go where?"

At first he doesn't do or say anything. Once we're about ten feet away from the supply car, he stopped and turned to me. His expression grew hard, telling me that whatever this conversation was about, it was serious.

"You're pissin' me off, jus' answer the damn question. Ya wanna get away from these shitheads or wha'?"

"I wanna," I said, "but I can't."

He rolled his eyes, it was obvious his point wasn't getting across, "and if ya can?"

"I can't, gotta wait for daddy. Ain't like I got anywhere ta go anyways."

He stared at me for a short moment before his eyes squinted and he stepped closer, his stomach almost touching my chest. I swallowed a thick lump that had formed in my throat. I wasn't sure how I made him mad, but I was sure I was about to find out.

"What did ya jus' say?"

"I got nowhere ta go." I repeated.

"No," he said, pointing at me, "ya said ya had to wait."

I nodded.

"You tol' me ya daddy left and didn' come back."

"He hasn' yet. Officer Shane said it migh' take 'im awhile, with how it is out there. I think 'e migh' be havin' trouble findin' camp." I said, sharing my thoughts.

His entire expression immediately fell away, becoming blank. He took a step back, tilting his head at me.

"Ya said 'e left ya on tha highway?" He asked, his voice quiet and curious.

I nodded, "a'while 'fore the helicopters came an' bombed the city."

Merle thought my words over. He then turned his gaze behind me, expression turning even harder and angrier than before, if it was possible.

"Fuckin' asshole . . ." he murmured.

I followed his eyes to the top of the RV. Shane was standing with Dale, they were in a deep conversation about something. I watched Shane, almost waiting for him to fall dead from Merle's death glare.

I turned back to Merle, he was still glaring. Merle sighed and looked away from Shane and to me. He dropped his cigarette to the ground and stomped it out. He ran his hand over his face, contemplating something.

"Listen, kid, fuck . . . I don' think . . . Your dad ain't-"

"-Dixon, ya comin'?!" Someone yelled from the supply car.

Merle turned to the small group of people at the car, "fuck. Yeah!" He called back.

He glanced back at me, shoving a finger into my chest, "we'll talk 'bout this when I get back."

I gave a nod, _what're we even talking about?_

He turned around and started for the supply car, while walking he turned his head back at me. "Ya get tired again you can use our tent. Daryl gets back an' says anythin' tell 'im I said ta fuck off. Jus' don' go snoopin' 'round."

I watched as he went over to the small group of people and got in the car. I turned away as I heard car doors slamming and the engine roaring to life. I began walking back to the camp, when I got close to the RV I heard Dale call out.

I glanced up at the RV, seeing Dale was alone, Shane had left.

"Why don't you keep me company?" He asked, smiling. I nodded, I walked to the ladder and climbed up. When I got up, he was sitting in his chair. He reached under his chair, grabbing a book from under it and handing it to me.

I took it, recognising the cover, it was the book I had been pretending to read with him.

"I bring it up here every day, just in case you decide to sit with me."

"Thanks," I said quietly, sitting on the roof of the RV beside him.

We were both facing the road, watching the car drive away.

"Can I ask you something?"

I nodded, not looking at him.

"Why do you hang around them, the Dixons?"

My eyes followed the car until it was out of my view, "they're kinda like my daddy."

Something knotted in my stomach at the thought of him, though I couldn't tell why. My chest felt heavy but I couldn't decipher the emotion I felt.

 _Where is he?_

* * *

 **ANNNND IT'S DONE! This chapter was actually really hard to write. I literally had only the beginning and ending scene of it, nothing in between. That was all basically improvised. That's why it took so long.**

 **I really hope you guys liked this, feel so bad that Merle had to go :(**

 **So I hate to say it, the next chapter might take a while too, the next chapter WILL BE A FLASHBACK CHAPTER featuring Toby with her dad. Flashback chapters can get kind of hard, but I don't plan on making it long. I also have a prior commitment and can't do any writing for this for March break (which is now)**

 **Don't worry, shouldn't be too long, I'll do the best I can.**

 **I wanted to call this chapter "Lending a hand" but that felt way too mean.**

 **Remember reviews = motivation = quicker updates. Just don't be too harsh on me.**

 **And remember to give any opinions and ideas!** **If you want to, maybe tell me what you think of Toby so far. I hope you like her.**

 **I'm going to be writing the flashback chapter now, if anyone has anymore Ideas for Toby's dad's name, let me know.**

 **Thank you for reading and following!**


	7. The Evacuation

**Hey guys! So this is the flashback chapter**

 **This chapter is focused on Toby's last day with her father. I'm sorry if it's super boring, but I felt it was necessary and I think it helps understand Toby's character a bit more, and her dad (that's if anyone actually cares about her dad at this point) but I think this chapter probably answers any questions you might have about Toby and her dad.**

 **Also, in my head, I casted the part of Toby's dad as Robert Knepper. If you've ever seen Prison Break, you'll know he does an excellent southern accent, and he always plays such a good antagonist.**

 **So yeah . . . hope you like it! Thanks for reading!**

* * *

 **4:07 am**

I shot up from my bed grabbing my throat as an attempt to quiet the scream. I was panting, everything around me came into view as my eyes began to adjust. I placed a shaky hand over my mouth, realizing how loud the scream might've been.

I had always had trouble sleeping, nightmares were never anything new to me. But lately, they'd been happening more often, almost every night. They seemed to wait for me behind my eyelids, waiting for me to close them and lose consciousness before they took over my mind.

I guessed it had something to do with the TV. Daddy was never one to watch the news, but the last couple days, that was all that was on. People seemed to be acting weird, I didn't understand a lot of what they said, but I understood virus. And they seemed to use that word a lot. _Virus_ and _dead_ were the most common words.

People were getting sick, a lot of them. The virus made them act weird, violent, it made them want to kill people. The people who were sick, attacked the ones who weren't. A lot of people were dying, I understood that as well. In my opinion, it was the virus that killed you, whether you were infected or not.

Even the people who weren't infected were getting violent crazy, especially the cops. In Daddy's words they were ' _desperate_ '. We were watching the TV together, and on the news cops were shooting at the sick people. Once, one of the cops had wrapped his arm around the sick person's neck, trying to pull him to the ground.

 _"They're_ _gettin'_ _desperate," Daddy had said. "_ _Lettin'_ _them get_ _tha'_ _on TV. Ain't_ _thinkin'_ _no more."_

 _"Get what on TV?" I asked._

 _"_ _Shootin'_ _in_ _tha_ _open like_ _tha'_ _. An'_ _tha's_ _a_ _choke-hold_ _righ'_ _there, i's illegal. Cops can't do that."_

Another thing that was announced on the news a couple days before was that all schools were closed 'until further notice'. That surprised me, but didn't effect me much. School wasn't something I cared for, I didn't understand a lot of what the teachers would show us. Daddy said it was a waste of time and didn't care if I went or not. So I didn't go often.

Sometimes, I wanted to go but the other kids didn't like me and I didn't like them. They played mean tricks on me a lot, I may not have liked them but I never threw their backpacks in the trash or fill their desks up with wrappers and garbage.

After a few minutes of staring at the door, waiting for the sound of his stomping and yelling, I had begun to calm down. _Did he not hear me scream?_

I threw the worn out sheet I used as a blanket and got up. I opened the door and creeped quietly down the hallway. Strangely enough, I hadn't heard Daddy's snores like I usually would.

I stood by his door and listened for a moment. When I still didn't hear anything, I went to the living room to look out the window. I knew better than to go into Daddy's room.

When I looked out the window, I saw that our car wasn't there. I was relieved but at the same time confused. _When did he leave?_

It wasn't anything new to find he wasn't home. When Daddy left, he would sometimes be gone for hours, sometimes a couple days. I never knew how long he would be gone until he came back.

I glanced at the TV, it was on the news but muted. I watched as they played footage of someone infected pouncing on a woman. I walked up the TV and pressed the power button and the screen flicked off. Our remote was broken and we hadn't used it for months.

I still felt tired so I went back to bed, I was happy I didn't have to worry about waking Daddy up.

* * *

 **12:16 pm**

When I woke up later I went to the kitchen and looked around for a bit, searching for something to eat. All I found is a box of chocolate pop tarts and there was only one package left. I ate the last two pop tarts. When I finished, I went to the computer desk, taking a pen and paper to draw for a bit.

When I got bored I went to my room and got my throwing knives. Daddy had a set too, which was a lot better than mine. My set were actually his old ones. I went outside and practiced throwing them at the back of the house. The couple of times I was able to sink the knives but they just fell.

* * *

 **3:20 pm**

I wasn't sure how long I practiced for, but I know it's been a couple hours when I hear the sound of the car pull in the driveway.

I put whatever knives that were on the ground into their slots and ran to the front of the house. I opened the front door and watched as Daddy walked fast toward the house. His face was red, he looked panicked, angry. I glanced at his shirt to see it soaked in blood at his chest area. He didn't seem to be in pain so I guessed it wasn't his.

He strode up to the door and roughly pushed me to the side, "out a' the way!"

I followed him inside and closed the door. He began to walk down the hallway toward our bedrooms, "turn the TV on!"

I did as he said and also turned the volume back on. What appeared on the screen was not something I expected. The news was gone, there was no footage. The screen was red with white words in a paragraph in the middle of it.

" _-Remain calm. This message will repeat._ " A monotone voice read out.

Daddy appeared out of the hallway and stared at the screen, I noticed he was holding one of the backpacks we used for camping.

After a moment, the monotone began reading out again.

" _The emergency alert system has been activated. The United States Government has issued a state of emergency. The Department of Civil Defence has issued the following message: Normal broadcasting will cease immediately. This is a civil emergency. Evacuate your homes and proceed towards the Atlanta Safe Zone. Avoid anyone infected at all costs. Remain calm. This message will repeat._ "

" . . . safe zone?" Daddy questioned no one in particular. I watched as he went to the kitchen and opened the fridge, throwing some objects inside the bag. He does the same in the living room, taking things off the shelves and throwing them in the bag.

"Daddy?" I questioned.

"Shut up," he rasped, "tryin' ta think."

He went down the hallway again and I could hear a lot of banging and things being moved around. I stood in the middle of the living room, confused, listening to the broadcast as Daddy ran about the house.

When he emerged from the hallway once more he rushed to the front door, but stopped in front of it abruptly. He was breathing heavily while staring at the door. Then he lifted the backpack and threw it against the door and yelling in frustration.

His breathing became heavier as he placed his forehead against door, leaning on it.

I glanced at the backpack wondering what he was putting in it. _Are we going camping?_

He sighed then stood up straight, "fuck, losin' my shit."

He quickly went back to the kitchen. I watched from the living room as he pulled out a beer and twisted the cap off. As he began to drink it, I walked into the doorway of the kitchen. I was afraid to ask, but I didn't fully understand what the broadcast was telling us. I'd seen Daddy angry, he got angry easily, but I'd never seen him like this. He looked panicked, defeated.

And the blood on his shirt only made the sick feeling in my stomach grow more.

"Daddy? What's-"

Before I could get any more words out, I jumped back as he slammed the bottle to the floor, smashing it to pieces.

"The fuck did I tell ya! Keep ya mouth shut, ya lil' shit! Tryin' ta figure this shit out!"

I pressed my lips together, I wanted to say sorry but I knew it'd only get me in more trouble.

"Fuck, ya see what ya made me do?!" He panted staring at the floor, "just-"

He stopped talking when a ringing sound filled the room. He glanced at his pocket and pulled his phone out. He sighed, "clean this up." He said in a much softer tone as he walked away, putting the phone to his ear.

I walked through the kitchen, manoeuvring my feet so I wouldn't step on the glass and got the broom and dustpan, overhearing Daddy on the phone as I swept the glass up.

"Hello? . . . . Marcus, what . . . no, nothin' wrong with the shit I gave you . . . no, I'm 'ere. Hey, you know anythin' about this safe zone bullshit they're broadcastin'? . . . turn on your TV . . . Yeah, heard it on the radio first. Fucked up week we're havin' . . . Jus' fuckin' told ya, nothin' wrong with tha' shit. Fine, hurry up, I got shit to do." He hung up the phone and sighed again. Glancing around the room. When he found me staring, he rolled his eyes, his expression and voice much softer than it had been before.

"What?"

"What . . ." I hesitated, scared I would get in trouble, "what's a safe zone?"

He shook his head, "I's bullshit is what it is. Jus' sweep tha' up into a pile, I'll pick it up later. When ya done, clear out the house a bit, got company comin'."

I nodded and he disappeared down the hall, after a few seconds I heard his bedroom door slam. When I'm done sweeping the glass into a corner in the kitchen, I go to around the kitchen and the living room, picking up empty cans and bottles of beer. I take the emptys to the front door where Daddy kept the boxes they came in and put them in. We kept the boxes by the door so when he finished them, he could take them back to the store and get money for them. He never got much, but he always said every cent counted.

I took a table cloth and wiped down the coffee table, getting rid of the leftover powder, ashes, and sticky spilt splotches of alcohol.

Someone started banging on the door, and they didn't stop until I opened it. The man at the door opened his mouth but shut it when he saw me, surprised. His skin was dark and his head was shaven, he was tall but not as tall as Daddy.

I knew him, sort of. Daddy brought plenty of people over on many occasions, and they were always different people. Only a few faces I had seen regularly, his was one of them, but we never actually talked.

"Uh . . . hey." He said. That was when I noticed the blood. My eyes widened at the sight of him holding his forearm, both arms a mess of blood. It's hard to tell with Marcus' dark skin, but his face seemed flushed, he was sweating badly.

"Daddy!" I called. "Mister Marcus is here!"

I opened the door and stepped aside for him to walk in, as he did I eyed his wound. I heard Daddy's loud footsteps as he made his way to us.

"Holy shit, Marcus, what the hell?!"

"I tried to tell you on the phone, shits gone crazy."

"Sit down! Toby, get tha' bandages an' stuff."

I nodded and ran down the hallway to the bathroom, when I got there I opened the cupboard under the sink. There, were a box of bandages some gauze, and a large brown bottle of peroxide. Along with Windex and other cleaning stuff.

I grabbed the bandages, gauze, and peroxide, then ran back to the living room. I placed the stuff on the coffee table.

"Good girl." Daddy said, picking up the bottle of peroxide, "now get some towels or somethin' he's bleedin' all ova' my good furniture."

"Fuck you, man, this couch is like fifteen years old."

"Yeah, an' you're buyin' me a new one."

When I got them the towel, Daddy started wiping the blood off his arms.

"What happened to you?" Marcus asked, eyeing the blood on Daddy's shirt.

"Same tha' 'appened to you I reckon."

"I . . ." Marcus hesitated, eyeing me. When Daddy noticed his hesitation, he followed his gaze to me.

"Relax, the kids seen blood before, now . . . what . . . is this a fuckin' bite?"

"Shits crazy, just like I said, man. This bitch just comes up, gross as hell, blood spillin' out a her mouth. Fuckin' jumps me, then freaking bites me. She wouldn't stop, she just wouldn't stop. I was able to get in my car and I-then I hit her, I didn't mean to but I was tripping out. I still am, I don' even know if it's fuckin' real, dude."

Daddy stayed quiet, wiping the blood until a clear imprint of a bite mark appeared on Marcus' left forearm.

"Han' me tha' bottle," Daddy reached out to me.

I unscrewed the cap of the bottle of the peroxide and handed it to him. Daddy wastes no time pouring the clear liquid straight from the bottle and right onto the bite.

Marcus screams in pain and I flinched, "ahh! What the fuck, Clyde, Holy fuckin' shit."

"Shut up, ya pussy. That chick was probably sick, same as e'eryone else. How many a' those pills ya take? An' when?"

"Couple hours ago, I took two. I hit her, man, just slammed right into her, I didn't even stop, I just kept driving. I think I fucking killed her."

"Couple hours ain't 'nough for me, I ain't havin' ya O.D. on my couch, now when." Daddy said in a firm voice as he began to wrap Marcus' arm.

"Like . . . noon. It was noon."

"Should be fine then. I'll getcha a perc, help ya keep ya shit together." Daddy got up and turned to me, "make yourself useful, get some beers."

I nodded and did what he said, pulling two bottles out of the fridge. I went back to them as Marcus swallows a round, white pill.

Daddy took his beer from me and twisted the cap off, "Seen the riots at the prison on the news. Tha' shit is nuts, ya talk to your brother?"

"Not for a couple months, Oscar hates me goin' to see him at the prison."

Daddy scoffed, "how else would ya see 'im? 'Less he gets out soon?"

"Got four more years. Don't matter though, I'm gonna get thrown in there with him."

"Jus' relax, cops are shootin' people out on the streets, no one's gonna give a shit 'bout you runnin' over some sick bitch. Like you said, she attacked ya."

Marcus looked down and put his head in his hands with a sigh. I stepped closer to him, putting the cold beer in his line of sight. He glanced up at me, then forced a small smile.

"Thanks." Marcus glances at my left leg, "Are those knives?"

"Yeah," Daddy answered, "she throws 'em aroun' sometimes."

Marcus scrunched his eyebrows together, "You gave your kid knives?"

Daddy leaned in close to Marcus, glaring "don' come in 'ere an' question me, boy, ain't none a' ya fuckin' business."

Marcus waved a hand in surrender, "sorry . . . So that broadcast . . . On my way here I stopped at my sister-in-laws house, there was a note on the door, she left and took the kids to Atlanta. You goin'?"

"Screw that. I's bullshit, e'erytime there's a storm they tell e'eryone ta leave town cause they say the lakes gonna flood. An' how many times has that lake flooded?"

"Uh . . ."

"The righ' answer, is not once. Not once in thirty years has tha' lake flooded. Even if you do go to Atlan'na, I guarantee you no one ain't gonna know what to do. It'll do no one no good, jus' start riots, then we get shot at like those people on the news, uh uh." He shook his head.

"Yeah . . . I guess."

"Hey," Daddy said after taking a sip of his beer. "You hear from Dixon? Called me a couple weeks ago lookin' ta get some refills, haven't heard from 'im since."

"Why the hell would I hear from _him_? That racist hick wouldn't give me the time of day if the world ended."

Daddy chuckled and leaned back into the couch, "And you think I would?"

"You get me what I ask for, I don't give a damn what you say. You can say you're in the KKK for all I care."

Daddy shrugged a shoulder, "S'long as I get paid."

Marcus laughed, but his laugh soon erupted into a fit of coughs. The coughs seemed to get louder and more hoarse as he dropped his beer. Luckily he hadn't opened it yet. Me and Daddy watched him as he struggled to breathe, after a few more moments of coughing Marcus is able to catch his breath and pulls his hands from his face.

Daddy's eyes widened at Marcus' hands, "shit . . . tha' blood?"

Sure enough, there were drops of blood splattered across Marcus' hands.

* * *

 **8:38 pm**

As the hours passed by, Marcus got worse, his coughing soon turned to vomiting. I had to get the cleaning bucket from under the sink because Daddy couldn't get him to walk to the bathroom.

After the first couple hours, Marcus couldn't take a breath without wincing from the pain. His eyes went bloodshot and he was sweating literal buckets. I got Marcus some water, but he couldn't keep anything down, with every sip he just vomited. But I kept getting him clean water, even though I knew he couldn't drink it.

I thought it might just be the flu, I had the flu a lot of times, so I figured he'd feel better later on. But then Daddy actually started calling the hospital. After the fifth unanswered call, I watched as he dialled three numbers, but again, the call went unanswered.

He yelled in frustration, "how in hell is 9-1-1 busy, ain't they always supposed to answer? Tha's their thing righ'? Tha's their fuckin' job!"

Daddy ran a hand through his hair and glanced at me, "what're you lookin' at me like that for?"

I bit the inside of my cheek, talking risked making him even more mad, but I was curious. "Why are we callin' the hospital? You said we don' believe in no _pansy ass doctors._ " I said, trying to remember his exact words.

"We don'. I don' know what the fuck ta do with 'im, you got any ideas?!"

"No . . ."

"Then keep quiet. I'm gonna take a shower."

I watched Daddy leave the room to go down the hallway. I glanced at the couch where Marcus was lying down. His breathing was ragged and shallow, he didn't look like he was getting any better.

He opened his eyes as if sensing my presence. He moaned in pain as he shifted the position of his injured arm over his stomach.

I bit my lip, "are . . . are you okay?"

"Just hurts," he replied in a whisper, as if it hurt to speak.

Hesitantly I reached out my hand to his uninjured arm, when our skin made contact I pulled back, surprised by the heat that came off his skin. His fever was bad. What did you do for someone who had a fever? _Weren't you supposed to get a cold towel? Or was it a hot towel for fevers?_

 _He already feels hot, I don't think a hot towel would help._ After considering, I go to the kitchen and soak a washcloth with cold water in the sink. I walked back to Marcus with the cold washcloth but froze in front of him, an uneasy feeling growing inside of me.

His eyes were closed again, but that wasn't what bothered me. His breathing was no longer ragged or loud, it was _nothing_. I watched him for a moment, waiting for his chest to rise as he inhaled, but it didn't. I stepped closer, placing the cloth on the table.

"Mister Marcus?" When he didn't respond, I nudged his shoulder with my hand.

Again, he made no movement. My first thought was that he was sleeping, but thinking that felt so wrong. Something about all of it felt very wrong.

I gripped his shoulder tight and shook him, "mister Marcus, wake up."

When again, he didn't respond, panic filled me, "DADDY!"

I heard a door open and Daddy called out, "what?!"

I didn't answer, I didn't know what to say. I wasn't even sure what was wrong. When Daddy didn't hear me say anything he came into the living room, still wearing his bloody shirt, he hadn't gotten in the shower yet.

"What?" He said, annoyed, "wha's your problem?"

Like Marcus, I was unresponsive, but not for the same reason. Daddy walked around the couch, following my eyes. He glanced from me to Marcus, and after watching silently for a moment, he realized the same thing I did.

"Hey," he shook Marcus, when nothing happened, he placed two fingers on the side of his neck.

Daddy waited a couple seconds then backed away in a hurry, almost walking into me. He put both his hands on his head and started muttering, "shit shit shit shit shit."

Daddy began pacing around the room, his face turned red and his eyes seemed to bulge out of their sockets, "what the hell 'appened, he puke? Was he chokin'? I was gone five fuckin' minutes!"

"N-nothin'! I don't-I don't know, he was talkin' an' stuff, now he ain't." I said in a hurry.

"Well, I can see tha'." He sighed, "son of a bitch . . . go to your room, an' stay there."

* * *

 **9:00 pm**

I was sitting on my bed, hugging my knees, waiting. I wasn't really sure what I was waiting for, maybe a sound, a sound to indicate what Daddy was doing, something. Or maybe I was waiting for him to say I could come out, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to. I couldn't tell what I was feeling, scared, sad, confused, anxious. Maybe all of those feelings, maybe none of them.

I kept trying to think of things to occupy my mind. _Sleep?_ No, I wasn't tired. _Practice with the knives?_ No, I'd have to leave my room for that. Daddy told me to stay in my room, so that's what I did.

I felt a familiar cramping, clenching sensation in my stomach. That reminded me I hadn't eaten since the morning, I contemplated going to find something to eat, but again, I would have to leave. I looked through the kitchen earlier anyways, all I found were those pop tarts, I'd have to wait and see if Daddy brought anything later.

I jumped up at a loud banging and crashing sound. I could hear Daddy yelling but it didn't sound like he was using words, more banging, the sound of things falling followed. I jumped off the bed and ran to my door. I slowly twisted the doorknob and peeked my head out into the hallway.

At the end of the hallway, right being pushed up against the wall was Daddy. Marcus was leaning into him, his face inches away from Daddy's, opening and closing his mouth while snarling. Daddy held his wrists trying to push him away, struggling to do so.

"Get my gun!" Daddy yelled when he noticed me. I hesitated, scared and confused "NOW!"

I snapped into reality and went to Daddy's room, I was never allowed in there unless told otherwise. When I was in there, I went to his dresser and opened the top drawer. I was too short to look so I had to reach my hand in, looking for where Daddy hid the gun. When I felt the tips of my finger graze something cold and metallic, I stood on the tips of my toes, trying to reach further.

When I was finally able to grasp it, I ran back into the hallway, just as the two men tumbled to the floor.

"Shoot!"

My eyes widened, I didn't want to but Daddy always said that if something happened, if bad people ever came, I'd have to be ready to pull the trigger. I flicked the safety off and watched as the men wrestled, waiting for Marcus to stop moving, at least a little bit. I'd known Marcus for a long time, we never talked but he knew Daddy, he came by every couple months to pick stuff up from Daddy and give him money. I vaguely remembered his brother, Oscar, coming by a couple times. But that was a long time ago, maybe two or three years.

Among all the strangers and new faces that would visit Daddy or he would bring home, I liked seeing Marcus, I think it might've been the sense of familiarity he gave me that made me like him so much. I didn't understand why he was acting like he was. I swear, a couple minutes before he wasn't even breathing.

Daddy tried his best to hold Marcus over his body, practically shielding his body the best he could while Marcus kept trying to attack him. Daddy knew how bad my aim was, that's why he was trying to cover his body the best he could. I raised the gun and used my thumb to pull the hammer back on the gun, loading the bullet into its chamber.

I kept moving the gun to aim it at Marcus, but he wasn't staying still, my hands were shaking and I couldn't think straight.

"JUS' SHOOT 'IM!"

As soon as he yelled, I squeezed my finger around the trigger. I felt the gun jump with the kickback and heard the bang. The bullet hit Marcus' shoulder, he looked up with wide eyes, not making any notice I had shot him. He stared at me, mouth wide open, drool and blood dripping from his chin. There was something in his eyes, they were different from before, tinted a yellowish colour, but there was also something that _wasn't_ there. I couldn't explain it or make sense of it, his eyes seemed almost empty, dull.

A growling sound escaped Marcus' throat as he stared at me. Fear bubbled in my stomach and I squeezed the trigger again. The gun jumped and Marcus' left cheek exploded into a mess of blood. This only agitated him more instead of stopping him. Daddy threw his fist up into Marcus' already bloodied cheek, knocking him over. When he was on the ground Daddy straddled him, punching his face repeatedly. Each punch sounded worst than the last, Daddy was pounding his fists hard into his face. Several times I thought I could hear bones cracking.

After so long, it seemed like Daddy wasn't going to stop. But he did. He took a deep breath and stood up, rushing away from Marcus and toward me. Daddy stood beside me, after we exchanged a fearful glance at each other, we looked back At Marcus' body.

When all seemed quiet, we heard that ugly predatory sound again as Marcus lifted his head to us, his face bloodied and broken. I felt the gun get ripped from my grasp and Daddy aimed it down at Marcus with one hand, and he didn't hesitate to pull the trigger.

Again, the house went silent. Although Marcus seemed still, we watched and waited for him to move again. All we could hear was the sound of our breathing.

"'e was dead." Daddy muttered, "'e was fucking dead." Daddy lowered the gun and ran a hand through his hair.

" . . . was mister Marcus like those people on the TV?" I asked him, fear and adrenalin making it sound like a whimper.

He glanced down at me for a brief moment, face unchanging, then nodded. He walked away from me, stepping over Marcus and into the living room, "le's go, we're goin'."

"Where?" I asked, slowly following him, not taking my eyes off the beaten body.

"Fuckin' Disneyland, what the fuck ya think? Atlan'na."

I followed him to the door, he picked up the backpack he had been packing early that was left by the door.

"But . . . you said-"

"-Jus' do what I fuckin' say. I fuckin' said we're goin', now get in the car 'fore I beat ya."

I followed him out the door in a hurry. Outside, the sky was a darkish blue, it was almost night time but not quite yet. We went to the car and I made my way around the passenger side. When I got in, Daddy threw the backpack into twisted the key in the ignition, the engine roared to life. I waited for him to put the car in gear but he hesitated, thinking hard about something.

"Shit," he muttered. He opened his door and stepped out of the car, leaving the car running. I watched in the rearview mirror as he walked back into the house. A minute later, he came out and returned to the car.

He slammed his door shut and I saw something orange in his hand. He reached across me and opened the glove box, then threw the orange object in and slammed it shut. After thinking about it, I realized it was a pill bottle.

Daddy put the car in gear then backed out of the driveway.

* * *

 **10:59 pm**

It was a long drive to Atlanta, and the entire way, Daddy was mostly silent. When he saw a few tears had leaked down my face, he told me to stop crying, that I wasn't a baby. I did my best to keep my expression blank, but I felt scared. And I was confused. Marcus got sick, then he got violent, just like the people on TV. But that didn't help me calm down.

Daddy always got mad if I cried, sometimes even when I was excited about something, he would say _'wipe that smirk off your_ _face.'_

He taught me to not show other how I felt, that it made me weak, gave them an advantage, to what I wasn't sure. Depending on who Daddy was talking to, he always acted different, at home with me he was angry and impatient. If he had people over he seemed at bit more at ease, sometimes he had fun and would laugh with the people that were with him, but he still had angry outbursts.

I remembered when we had gotten pulled over by the cops once, he had put on this big smile and calm voice, talking respectively. But as soon as the cop turned his back, the charming expression was gone and Daddy was angry.

 _"Never show anyone what you're really_ _feelin'_ _. Cops want respect, give it to 'em, whether you_ _'ave_ _it or not. Then they leave ya alone_ an _' stay_ _outta_ _your business. No one needs to know our business."_

When we made it to the highway, it wasn't long until we had to stop the car. The road was blocked by other cars, a lot. I couldn't tell how many, but because we weren't in the city yet, I guessed it was a lot.

"Shoulda fuckin' known." Daddy grumbled out when he stopped the car. There were people in front of us, talking to each other. Some were leaning against their cars.

It was easy for me to guess what was going on. There were too many people, maybe they weren't letting anyone else in the safe zone. Daddy got out of the car, and I stayed. I watched as he walked up to a woman with a smile. I couldn't hear what they were saying but I knew Daddy was asking what she knew.

When Daddy was done talking to her, he came back in the car and took a pack of cigarettes from his breast pocket. He lit a cigarette, swearing under his breath. I watched him, wondering what we were going to do. He glanced at me and must've guessed my thought.

"Jus' gotta wait. No one knows what's goin' on."

When Daddy finished his smoke he got out of the car again, but for no apparent reason. He stood for a bit, then started pacing. At one point he stopped and was leaning against the hood of the car.

It felt like we had been waiting a long time when Daddy started talking to someone else, I still stayed in the car.

I pulled a knife out of one of its slots on my leg, I hadn't even taken the holster off from this morning. Which I was kind of happy about, it didn't seem like we were going home anytime soon. I fiddled with the knife for a bit bored.

After a few minutes I heard the car door open again and jumped, surprised at the sound. Daddy leaned in the car and reached his arm to the back seat, then pulled the backpack out.

"Stay put," he said, simply. He swung the bag over his shoulder and slammed the door.

At first, I thought he was just going to talk to the other people again. But instead, he walked right by them, I watched, confused as he walked past the other cars, disappearing from view.

I only realized I fell asleep when I'm awoken by an unmistakable chopping sound. It takes me a moment, but I realized it was more than one.

 _Helicopters?_

I opened the car door and looked up seeing a helicopter fly overhead, very close. I had never seen one fly so low. I see some people running in the direction of the helicopter, as more follow. I follow the people into a forest area on the side of the highway, listening the blades of the helicopters beat the air into submission.

I ran through the forest, a little excited at the sight. I stop near a group of people, and looked ahead. We were standing on a hill that over passed the city of Atlanta. There was a strange sound from a distance and a small section of the city erupted lit up. This happened again and again, the sounds of the bombs exploding over the city slightly vibrating the ground. People were screaming, but you could hardly hear them over the deafening sounds of the bombs and the helicopters.

All the fear I had felt before returned in that moment. _Why would they bomb the place they wanted us to go? Would they bomb here next?_

At that thought, I turned and ran as fast as I could back to the highway. When my feet reached the pavement I glanced at the car, The passenger door was open, I hadn't closed it when I left the car. Daddy wasn't back yet. The fear got worse as I heard the helicopter sounds get louder, they were coming back our way. I could still hear people screaming and yelling.

I joined them, "Daddy!"

I ran in the direction I saw him go, I was running down the middle of the road in between two rows of cars, pushing past people as I ran and called for Daddy. I kept looking around and looking behind me, double checking I hadn't passed him. _Where is he?_

I looked up at the helicopters flying overhead when I felt the breeze they caused. Much to my relief, they kept flying without dropping anything.

I started running again, most people seemed to step out of my way as they saw me come by. Someone decided to do the exact opposite, stepping backward right in front of me, I tried to dodge the person but their movement was unexpected and I ran into their side. After I bumped into them I tumbled back, and a cars side view mirror slammed into my shoulder.

I held my shoulder and groaned in pain.

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry. Are you alright?"

I looked up, seeing a scrawny woman in a brown shirt, she had very short hair that looked shaven. I merely glanced at her, slightly mad but careful not to show it. I glanced passed her at the car behind her. Standing on the other side was a women with long brown hair, and with her, a tall man with thick black hair and broad shoulders. The two eyed me skeptically.

"Are you okay?" The woman in front of me asked.

I glanced at her again, but turned away and started running again. _I have to find Daddy._

I kept looking around as I ran, expecting to see him, "Daddy!"

"Hey!"

Not recognising the voice calling out, I kept running. When the voice kept calling out, I glanced behind me, curious. Behind me, jogging, was the tall man with black hair I'd seen a few moments before. I wasn't running anymore but slowly walking while looking behind me, curious about the man.

"Hey, girl, hold up."

I glanced in front of me, making sure it was me he was addressing. I stopped in place and watched him as he stopped in front of me, panting a bit.

"Where are you running to?"

"I'm lookin'." I said, about to turn away.

"For your Dad? I heard you yelling."

I merely nodded. _People don't need to know our business,_ I remembered Daddy telling me so many times. But I was scared, and he wasn't around. I was terrified the helicopters would come back. I wanted to find Daddy so we could get the hell out of there.

He lowered himself closer to my height, "what's he look like? Maybe I've seen him."

I glanced behind me, into the direction Daddy went. _I should be looking,_ but I wanted help. I wanted to leave, to get out of there. _But I have to find Daddy._

"Where did you see him last?" the man asked.

I pointed in the direction Daddy walked away in.

"Why don't I help you look for him? Okay?" He showed me a small smile, but I only stare. _Why does he want to help so much?_

"O-Okay . . ." I said quietly.

He smiled wider, "alright. I'm Officer Shane Walsh of the King's County PD, what's your name?"

My eyes widened, "you're a _cop_?"

He nodded, "yeah I am."

I felt my body tense up, remembering everything Daddy ever told me about cops. "Bye," I said, turning around to leave.

The Officer stepped in front of me, "hold up a sec. You aren't in trouble or anything, I'll help you look for him."

I looked down at my feet, "Daddy says I'm not supposed ta talk ta cops."

He looked confused for a second, but shrugged it off. "Come on, let's get you back to your dad."

I didn't say anything but I was very skeptical about it. I walked beside him as we went the same way Daddy did.

* * *

Me and the Officer stopped, watching a group of people try to pull two men away from each other as they fought. They were screaming yelling at each other. I stepped back a bit, surprised at the sight, then glanced at up at the Officer, waiting for him to interfere.

"Do you see him?" He asked.

I shook my head, we'd been walking for a while, he had even stopped a couple times to ask someone if they'd seen my Daddy. I couldn't understand where he'd went or why. _Did he see the helicopters?_

 _Why isn't he back?_

"Did you take a car here?" He asked.

I nodded.

"Do you know where it is?"

I nodded again and he returned the gesture.

"Let's go back, maybe we missed him. Don't worry, we'll find him."

I wasn't so sure but turned around, following him. After a few minutes of walking, he knelt down to my height and I stopped.

"You need to tell me a little more, alright? I know you're scared but-"

"-I ain't scared." I denied.

He nodded, "that's good. Now tell me what happened. How did you lose him? Did you run off? Was there a crowd and you couldn't see him?"

I shook my head, "'e left, 'e told me ta stay in the car. I was gonna but I saw the helicopters . . ." I trailed off.

His eyebrows scrunched together, "did he say anything else, where he was going or why?"

"No. We were waitin' a long time, then 'e took the bag an' told me ta stay in the car."

"What bag?"

"'e packed a bag 'fore we left 'ome."

He thought about what I told him, then without a word, got up and continued walking. Then we both saw a tall, skinny woman, with long brown hair jogging toward us. She looked familiar and I remembered seeing her by the car with the Officer.

"Shane!" When she got close to us I could tell that she'd been crying.

"Lori, I told you to stay with Carl."

"You were taking too long, we got worried. One of them came out of the woods, Carol's husband killed it, we have to figure out what to do, we can't stay any longer."

"I know, I've been trying to figure it out."

At that moment, I decided to keep going, to find out if Daddy was back at the car. The Officer stopped me by putting a hand on my shoulder, "just hold on."

"What's going on?" Lori asked, wiping away her tears, obviously trying to hold her fear back, "why was she running?"

"She can't find her dad, I looked with her for a bit, but . . ."

"But what?"

The Officer sighed and glanced at me, then leaned in close to Lori, talking in her ear.

When the Officer finished, Lori stared at him with disbelief, "are you sure?"

"No, but I don't have a way to make sure, not unless he shows up."

Lori glanced looked down at me, "what's your name, sweetie?"

I didn't say anything, instead I pretended I didn't hear her. I didn't want to talk or listen to them talk anymore. I wanted to find my Daddy, he was already going to be mad I left the car, and there I was talking to a cop . . . He wasn't going to be happy when we found him.

"She's just shook up a bit, she saw the helicopters."

"That was just awful . . ." she commented.

"I was thinking, you know that place me and Rick used to go camping? The clearing by the quarry?"

She nodded, "Yeah."

"That isn't that far from here, and it isn't far from the city. So when rescue comes it would be easy for them to find us there. We could just hold the fort there until then."

"What if someone's already there?"

"We'll figure something out, plenty of room there."

"We can't wait any longer, we're out in the open, what're we going to do with . . ." Lori trailed off, biting her lip while she looked at me.

Shane looked at me again and crouched down, giving me an intense look. "How much do you know, about what's been going on?"

"Daddy had the news on lots, lots of people are getting sick, an' killin' . . ." I answered.

"Do you understand that it is dangerous here?"

"Yeah."

"Is it only you and your dad? Do you have anyone else?"

"No."

"Where's your mom?" Lori asked.

"Mama left Daddy a long time ago, said 'e ain't no man, tha' 'e had ta find 'is own pair a stones 'fore 'e ever got 'er back."

Both of their eyes widened and they looked at each other.

Shane ran a hand through his hair, "I don't know where your dad is, and there isn't anyway to tell when he'll get back. But it isn't smart to stay here in the open. Those sick people on the news you saw, more of them might come, it's dangerous. This is going to be hard to hear, but it might be best if you leave with us."

"What? I can't-"

"-Just listen. We're going to camp out at a place not to far from here, do you like camping?"

"Daddy takes me camping lots."

"That's good, because I haven't been in a long time, you can remind me how to do it right." He smiled.

"I can't leave my Daddy, what 'appens when 'e comes back? I can't not be there. I wasn't even s'posed ta leave tha car." I said in a hurry.

"I understand that. But again, there's no telling when he'll get back, and I don't feel right about leaving you alone. It isn't right." He bit his lip and looked up at Lori from where he was crouched in front of me, "do you have a pen, some paper?"

"I might, in the car, why?" She answered, crossing her arms.

"Let's go." He said, and got up. I followed them both closely until they reached their car. I contemplated to keep going, but I knew he'd just stop me again. I was scared, he was right about staying here, but could I really just leave Daddy?

Lori opened her car door and leaned in and began to look for the objects the Officer wanted.

"Shane, where'd you go?" A boy walked up to me and Shane, he had brown hair and blue eyes. His shirt was grey with a paw print in the center.

"Hey, little man. I was just helping this girl out. Just sit tight for a bit, we might be going really soon."

"Okay," He said, the boy glanced at me and gave a slight wave, "hi."

I didn't say anything and watched as the boy turned, and walked around the car.

Lori crawled out of the car and turned to the Officer, holding a piece of paper and a plastic pen, "I have a receipt, will that do?"

The Officer smiled and took both objects from her, placing them on the hood of the car, "that'll do just fine."

I got closer and leaned in as he began to scribble words on to the paper.

"Shane?" Lori questioned, "what're you doing?"

"We can't stay here and we can't leave her. Her dad could come back right when we leave, we don't know." He said as he wrote, "So, I'll leave this for him and he'll know where she is."

"Then he can come an' get me?" I asked.

He nodded and gave the pen to Lori, then turned to me, "lead the way."

"Hurry back," Lori said.

I led him to where me and Daddy parked the car. It took a few minutes to get back, their car was far away from ours. When we got there, I saw the passenger door was still open.

"Is that it?"

I nodded, disappointed Daddy wasn't there still. He walked up to the passenger door and leaned in the car. I watched as he placed the note on the dash, right on the drivers side. He reached down then got out of the car, holding the car keys.

"Does your dad keep anything in the trunk?" He asked, walking around the car.

"He puts stuff in there when we go camping."

He put the key in the lock of the trunk and turned it, he pulled the trunk open and glanced in. He sighed and shook his head. I went beside him and peered in, seeing nothing but an old blanket. He picked it up and held it out to me, "here, just in case. You don't have anything else with you, do you?"

I shook my head and he sighed, "you don't have your own bag?"

"I didn't know we were goin' anywhere 'til we left."

He glanced around, "stay here a sec, I'm going to ask them if they've seen where he went." Shane walked around the car again, and went to the car in front of us, there was a woman there, the one daddy had talked to. Looking in the trunk, I see something familiar in the far back.

 _My slingshot._

I was looking for that, it must've fallen out of the bag last time we went camping. I reached in, leaning my whole body into the trunk and grabbed it. Then I went to the passenger seat of the car and glanced around. I felt really bad about leaving, but this place scared me. And looking around, everyone else was getting ready to leave. No one was staying, I couldn't either. I didn't even want to see one of those _things._

I glanced around the inside of the car, even looking in the back. Trying to see if there was anything Daddy had left behind. Then I remember him opening the glovebox when we first left. I opened it, peering in, I could see crumpled papers and the bright orange bottle. I reached in and grabbed it, I also saw and old pen, I wasn't sure why, but I made myself grab it.

I took the bottle, the pen, and my slingshot, wrapping them in the blanket the Officer retrieved from the trunk.  
I held the wrapped blanket with one arm over my thigh, covering my knives. The Officer hadn't noticed them yet and I wasn't sure how he would react when he did.  
Officer Shane strode back over to me, a disappointed look on his face.

"Sorry, kid . . ."

I looked down at my feet. I felt weak and tired and my stomach hurt. I still hadn't eaten anything since the pop tarts. I forced myself to ignore the feeling, like I had so many times before. I had gotten good at it. Officer Shane walked behind me and slammed the trunk door. He stepped away, but I stepped toward it, pulling the car keys out of the lock and shoving them into my Jeans pocket.

He eyed me for a moment, than shrugged it off, "come on, you can meet Carl. He's about your age I think, you saw him at our car."  
I nodded and followed him back.

"Don't we have anything?" I heard the boy whine when we returned, "I'm starving."

Lori looked down at him with a firm expression, "Carl, we're all hungry. You just have to wait like the rest of us."

"Wait, I found these in my purse." The short haired woman I ran into earlier walked up to Lori, showing her something in her hand.

"Thank you, I really appreciate it."

The woman nodded, handing one of the things in her hand to a small girl with short blonde hair, sitting on the number of the back of a van.  
She reached out to Carl, giving him something as well.

"What do you say?"

"Thank you." Carl said. He went sat on the same bumper as the little girl, but they were about a foot apart.  
Lori glanced over at me and Officer Shane, she looked relieved at the sight of him , Officer Shane crouched down to me and pointed at the kids sitting on the bumper.

"That's Carl, and that's Sophia." Both of the kids looked up at me and Shane, hearing their names.

"Why don't you go sit tight with them while we figure this out, okay?"  
I bit my lip and nodded, walking toward them. Anxiety and hunger twisted together in my stomach. I was never good with other kids, they never liked me and I never liked them.

Carl, who heard me and Officer Shane's exchange, scooted over closer to Sophia. He tapped beside him with one hand. "You can sit beside me if you want."

I didn't say anything but sat beside him. I heard a crinkling sound and looked at his hands. He was unwrapping a granola bar. I bit my lip again and looked down at my lap, holding the blanket there while trying to ignore the cramping in my stomach. Abruptly, a hand appears in my line of sight, half of a granola bar settled into the palm.

I glanced up at Carl, confused.

"Here," he mumbled, biting into the other half, "I'm not that hungry anyways."

Hesitantly, I took it the half of the granola bar from his hand, "thanks."

He gave a slight smile and looked over to where Officer Shane was. He was with Lori, that scrawny woman and another man I didn't see before.

"That's my mom," he told me pointing at Lori, "and that's Sophia's mom and dad."

I opened my mouth to speak but stopped myself. Whenever I talked to the kids at school, they made fun of me, saying I talked weird.

"Where are your parents?" Sophia asked, leaning forward to look passed Carl at me.

I shrugged. I wasn't sure where Daddy was and I hadn't seen Mama since I was seven or eight.

"What's your name?" Carl asked.

And again I just shrugged, looking down, taking a small bite into the piece of granola bar.

"Is she shy?" I heard Sophia ask in a hushed voice.

"I'll ask Shane." Carl said.

"Ask me what?" Officer Shane walked over to us with an unreadable expression.

"What's her name?" Carl asked, "she won't tell us."

I kept looking down but I could feel Shane's eyes on me.

"I don't know, bud. Just leave her be for a few minutes, alright? Everyone's a bit on edge."

"Okay."

"How do you two feel about camping?"

I looked up and Carl smiled "we're going camping?"

He nodded with a smile at Carl, "that's right. We are. Just until this mess gets sorted out."

"What about her, is she coming?" Sophia asked, glancing at me.

"Yeah, she is. She got lost so she's going to stay with us until we can find her dad. We're packing everything up now, make sure you have everything, we're gonna leave in a minute."

* * *

A couple days later, I was sitting with Lori and Carl by the fire pit. It was about noon or so.

I wasn't sure what was taking Daddy so long, but I figured it shouldn't be too much longer. There were a lot of times Daddy left the house and didn't come back for a couple days, but he always came back.

The day after we set up camp, someone with an RV stopped at the road, an old man named Dale, and two girls, sisters. They parked in the clearing with us. I hadn't really talked to Dale, or anyone for that matter, but he let me look at his books. He was nice.

"Who are they?" Carl asked Lori.

"I don't know, baby." Lori stroked his head, looking at Shane from a distance. A couple minutes before, two strange men had wondered onto our camp. Shane had been talking to them since.

One of them was shorter than the other, with light brown hair, a crossbow slung over his shoulder, carrying a bag in his hand. The other man was a bit taller, his head partially shaven, he was also larger in size, more well built.

Shane and the two men split up, they walked over by the edge of the forest. Lori stood up as Shane reached us, "what's going on?"

"That's Merle and Daryl Dixon, they're going to be staying with us."

 _Dixon._

Something in my head snapped at that name. I thought about it for a moment, wondering why it bugged me so much. After a moment I shrugged it off as I watched the two men set up camp.

* * *

 **There were two easter eggs in this chapter that I felt very proud of putting in, one was rather obvious as it was the answer to a question many of you asked . . . The second, I'm not sure how obvious it is. Maybe no one will get it, but that's okay cause you will in the future.**


	8. New Guy

"Do you understand me?" Lori said in a firm voice, her arms crossed.

I looked up at her, thinking hard about what she'd been telling me, "No, ma'am."

She puffed out a frustrated breath, "you could get hurt, do you know how high that is?! You can't just jump right off-"

"-Lori," Dale called down from the roof of the RV, "if I may . . ."

"No, Dale. With all due respect, you need to back off right now."

The way she dismissed Dale angered me, though I wasn't entirely sure why. Maybe it was because whatever she was trying to tell me was pointless. I couldn't remember how many times I had jumped off the top of the RV, had she just never noticed, or was she just not around? The first time Dale scolded me too, but very lightly.

It was starting to become obvious to me how awkward they found it to scold me and tell me what to do. It explained why I was never given any chores, and why they never really forced me away from Merle, who no one was comfortable around.

 _Besides me._

They couldn't really take charge of me, even though they were the adults and I was the kid, I wasn't _theirs_. We were still waiting for my Daddy to show up, it wasn't their place to tell me what to do or what not to do. But that didn't mean they wouldn't try, and it didn't mean I shouldn't listen to them.

Again, I was still the kid. I understood that much.

 _But this I don't understand._

Because I did something that could potentially hurt me, and had done it countless times without getting hurt I was in trouble?

 _I wish Daddy would hurry up, these people don't make sense._

Lori was still talking, but I wasn't listening, this was the second time she was explaining it to me. I didn't get it the first time so why would I get it the second when she's using the same exact words?

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Carl. He was sitting alone about ten feet away watching me and Lori. Seeing him alone gave me an idea.

I glanced up at Lori, keeping my face blank to hide my frustration and confusion, "can I go play with Carl?"

She stopped mid sentence, her mouth open as she widened her eyes. She closed her mouth and glanced at Carl, then back to me.

It was too easy to say she was surprised, maybe astonished was the right word. She didn't seem to even know how to respond. I had always dismissed her and Shane's persuasions to talk and play with Carl and the other kids. I could probably count the words I spoke to him since we met on one hand.

"Uh . . . y-yeah," she stammered, "go ahead."

 _It worked,_ "bye." I said, walking toward Carl.

Carl watched as I came over to him, his confusion was obvious. I knew he hadn't heard me and Lori talk, we were too far away, but he could tell we were talking about him because we had both looked at him.

"Hey," he said as I approached him.

I gave a nod then looked down at my feet, "Can . . . Can I sit with you?"

"Sure."

I glanced at him again to see him smiling slightly. I stepped closer then sat beside him.

I watched him as he held a small stick, trailing the end of it into the dirt.

"What're you doin'?" I asked, confused.

"Drawing the camp. See, that's the river," he pointed to a couple squiggly lines. "That's the RV, that's Sophia's and her parents tent, that's my tent, yours and Shane's. I'm not done yet though."

"Why don'cha jus' use paper an' a pen?"

"If I ask, mom's just going to give me homework." He rolled his eyes.

 _Why would anyone do homework when they're camping?_

I glanced over at Lori to find her talking to Shane, they were both looking at me and Carl. Shane had a wide grin on his face, and he waved.

 _Maybe this worked a little too well . . . I hope they don't start expecting this._

I internally groaned and looked toward the Dixon camp. It was weird knowing that neither of them were there. Of course, even though I had spent the majority of my time with Merle and his brother, there were a lot of times I wasn't around either of them, when they were sleeping or out in the woods. Or sometimes when Merle just told me to beat it.

But knowing that neither of them were there, or even in the area, was weird. It made me a bit uncomfortable, and for some reason, I kept having this urge to look over and see if they were there. As if they would suddenly return. Each time I gave into that urge, I felt more and more disappointed.

While looking at the brothers camp, I realized something. When I stood up, Carl looked up at me, confused.

"W-wait, where are you going?"

I hesitated, but looked away, "bye."

I could feel him watching me but I pretended I didn't notice as I walked away, toward the Dixon camp. When I got there, I unzipped the flap of the tent and crawled in, peering around. My eyes stopped at the image of my silver knife on the floor of the tent. I reached forward and grabbed the knife, wondering how I could've forgotten it after waking up in his tent the night before.

I crawled out of the tent and closed it.

When I was standing up straight, I lifted the front of my shirt a little and tucked the handle of my knife into my waistband. As I was about to lower my shirt, the knife slipped through the waistband and down my pant leg, landing at my feet.

 _Huh?_

I picked up the knife and tried again. But I got the same result. _Weird,_ why didn't it fit anymore? I fiddled with my waistband a bit, also realizing it wasn't as tight as it used to be. I had these pants a long time, and after so long, the waistband had gotten really tight, it was uncomfortable at times but I ignored it. _Had it stretched out?_

I mentally shrugged and hid my knife with my hand the best I could, then went to where me and Shane's tent was. I went to the hiding place I kept me and Daddy's things and returned the knife to its slot. After burying the stuff again, I went inside the tent and grabbed Merle's jacket from my cot.

It wasn't exactly cold out, but it wasn't warm either. The way the clouds were rolling in, it was easy to tell it may rain. Unless the clouds decided to pass us and rain in Atlanta.

I glanced up at the sky, the clouds were a light grey colour and moving pretty fast, toward the directing on Atlanta.

The jacket was heavy, and the sleeves went past my hands so much, it was almost impossible to roll the sleeves, and keep them rolled.

 _I'm allowed in his tent,_ I thought, _later on I could just leave it in there._

I did like having the jacket, it comforted me in a way I didn't fully understand. Part of me liked when he told me to fuck off every time I tried giving it back. It felt kind of weird having it though, it didn't fit and probably never would. In length,it went down a little past my knees, and I had given up trying to roll the sleeves. I couldn't even reach down far enough to zip the jacket.

Walking back, I saw that Carl wasn't in the same place, I looked around, also seeing just about everyone was close to the firepit. Carl is standing a little bit away from them all.

As I walked toward him, I see Shane bent over, fiddling with the radio as everyone else watched. I raised my eyebrows at Carl in confusion.

"They heard someone on the radio." Carl explained.

"Our group?" I asked, a little worried. It had been a couple hours since Merle left with the others on the run into Atlanta, but they were already gone longer than Glenn was last time he went.

"No, some guy going into Atlanta."

"Oh."

We watched as Shane and Lori exchanged a few words, which resulted in Lori getting angry. The last few days she seemed to get angry pretty easily, I was only just realizing it then. Lori turned away from Shane and began walking toward the tent. Carl ran forward following his mom, but as he passed Shane, Shane stopped him.

I watched as Shane said something to Carl in a hushed, calm voice. Shane pointed at me and Carl looked over.

 _Why are they talking about me?_

Carl nodded at Shane, then Shane turned away to follow Lori. Carl walked toward me, his expression unsure.

"So . . . uh . . . . Sophia said she isn't feeling well . . . I have some trucks, do you wanna see?"

I squinted my eyes at him, "Trucks?"

He smiled, "Yeah, come on."

* * *

"This is a bulldozer. It picks up the dirt like this and moves it somewhere else." Carl explained excitedly, pushing the small yellow toy truck around. Then he gestured to a fire truck, which was smaller than the bulldozer "I got a fire truck, and this is a mustang, they're really cool. When I can drive I'm going to get my own."

I stared at the toy car, it was a bright blue colour with two white stripes down the middle.

We were sitting in the dirt again, but this time with Carl's toys. I knew what a bulldozer was, but he seemed really excited as he explained each of the toy vehicles. So I just kept my mouth shut.

I stared at his hands, watching as he pushed the bulldozer around, using the plow to carve dirt from the ground.

Carl glanced at me, his smile disappearing for a split second "do you want the fire truck?"

I didn't answer, instead I just eyed him.

He let go of the bulldozer and pushed the fire truck until it was in front of me, "here, you can use it."

I glanced down at the fire truck, then back up at him. He wore a small smile, but it was obvious how awkward he felt.

I pressed my lips together, I didn't want to talk, but I knew he wanted me to, ". . . can I have the car?"

"Oh, yeah." His smile grew wide, showing his teeth as he took the fire truck back and grabbed the tiny blue Mustang, "You like cars? Sophia doesn't, she'll sit with me but she gets bored. Louis will sometimes play with me, but he stays with his mom and dad a lot."

Louis . . . I didn't recognise the name, but it was my guess he was one of Morales' kids.

"Him and his sister are with their mom. They don't really want to play either, I think they're worried about their dad, he went into Atlanta today." Carl explained

I nodded, reaching for the blue Mustang, but as I did, Merle's sleeve fell over my hand. I pushed it back and proceeded to push the toy back and forth in the dirt, making a trail of tire tracks.

I could feel Carl's eyes on me as he continued, "My mom talks about you a lot, Shane too."

My body tensed and I stopped what I was doing, but I didn't look at him. "They do?"

"Yeah, she said she's worried. If you like the car you can play with it whenever you want, I know you don't really like to talk, but you can just sit with me if you want, we don't have to talk. I like this way better then playing Tag. We aren't allowed to play hide and seek anymore, Louis went too far in the woods last time."

"Oh . . ." I said, looking up, "uh, thanks."

We stared at each other for a few minutes, neither of us saying anything. Carl's smile is a lot smaller, but it's there. I wanted to look away because the awkwardness in the air began to build, but I had a feeling if I did, he would still stare. I refused to be the first one to look away.

Frustration seemed to build in me when he didn't look away, "What?"

"I don't think we ever talked this long. You're not sad anymore?"

I squinted my eyes in confusion, slightly glaring, "Sad?"

"Mom said you're sad, that's why you're shy. Because you miss your dad. It's okay, I miss mine too."

That was when I gave in and looked away, guilt washing over me. His daddy's dead. For the first time, I found myself wanting to say more to him, but the subject was now on his dead father. What was I supposed to say? Was I supposed to talk about my dad?

"You don't like me very much do you?"

I looked back at Carl, his smile was gone but he wasn't frowning either. The look on his face was one of genuine curiosity. I didn't like hanging out with the kids, or any kids. Sure I was a kid too but I never knew what to say. No one really seemed to like me anyway, so what was the point? A few moments ago, before Carl brought up his dad, I didn't mind his company. But now the awkwardness was eating me away, making me feel like I had to say something, when I didn't know what to say, and I didn't even think I wanted to say something.

"I don't know you." I finally said after a while.

"Is that why you don't talk a lot?"

I shrugged, "don' got much ta say."

"Dale, I'm heading out." We heard Lori call out a few feet away, she turned to me and Carl, "I want you both to stay where Dale can see you, okay?"

"Yes, mom."

"Yes, ma'am." I answered.

She smiled and nodded, about to turn away.

"You too," Dale called down to her, binoculars in hand, "Don't wander too far, stay within shouting distance. And if you see anything, holler, I'll come running."

"Yes, mom." Lori replied sarcastically as she walked away.

I watched Dale as he continued to pace on the roof of the RV. He always got a bit unsettled whenever Glenn left for a run, it was obvious he was worried. Everyone always was, going into Atlanta was dangerous. But the tension in his face is much more noticeable than before. We never had this many people go out before, it was always just Glenn.

"Do you wanna see my comic books?" Carl asked.

I shrugged and he smiled again. He got up and ran toward the tents, I sat and waited.

* * *

A while later I'm sitting in the same spot with Carl, a small pile of comic books between us. He said I could look at them, and for a few minutes, I did. But Dale's pacing began to distract me. As he walked back and forth, he was turning more frequently, each walk shorter than the last. He looked through his binoculars toward the road.

His agitation was really getting to me. The last time Glenn went out, he had, in Merle's words, pussied out after seeing more of those things then usual. If it had been a normal run, Glenn would've been back by now. So was it okay for them to be taking so long?

"Hey, Jim!" Dale called out, "come over here, why don't we get to work on that hose?"

"You okay?" Carl asked me, looking up from his comic book.

"Jus' thinkin'." I looked up at the sky, the clouds seemed much darker than they were a few hours ago.

* * *

Me and Carl glanced up at the sky as we heard the rumble of thunder.

"Do you think it'll rain for a long time? I hate being stuck in the tent." He said, looking at me over his comic book.

I shook my head, "looks like i's passin' us. S'prised it ain't rainin' at all."

"So it'll miss us? The storm, I mean."

"Maybe. I don' see any light'nen, not yet anyway. Don' look too bad. Even if it doesn' i's just rain."

He nodded and continued reading. But again, our attention was drawn to another noise. We glanced at the RV. Dale and Jim were looking under the hood of the RV, something about fixing the radiator hose.

The two men looked up top the RV, hearing the same static, buzzing sound we did.

Dale rushed to the ladder, climbing up as the sound got louder and we could hear a voice mumbling through the radio.

After hearing someone on the radio earlier, they decided to put it on the roof under Dale's umbrella, hoping to get another, or just better connection.

Me and Carl stood up, rushing toward the RV as others in the camp did the same.

 _"Hello . . . hello, base camp? Anybody hear me? Base camp . . . T-dog, can . . . hear me?"_

After hearing T-dog, I recognised his voice. I never talked to the man personally, but I heard him talk to others and he sometimes said hi to me if we passed each other.

Dale reached for the radio and put it to his mouth, "Hello? Hello? Receptions bad on this end. Repeat, repeat."

Lori walked up to the RV, her arms crossed "is that them?"

"Said T-dog," I mumbled.

 _"We're . . . some deep . . . We're trapped . . . department."_

"He say they're trapped?" Shane asked appearing on my left. Carl stood beside me on my right, his mom beside him. I strained my ears, just as everyone else did, trying to make out what T-dog was saying while the radio cut in and out.

 _"Geeks all over . . . Hundreds of 'em . . . surrounded."_

"T-dog, repeat that last, repeat." As Dale fiddles with the radio, the static turns to this high pitched whine, only getting worse as he turned the dials.

"He said the department store." Lori said, her hand on Carl's head.

"I heard it too," Dale confirmed.

Lori stepped in front of me and Carl, "Shane-"

"-No way," he shook his head, "we do not go after them, we do not risk the rest of the group, ya'll know that."

I crossed my arms over my stomach, trying to relieve the fear churning inside. Merle. _Did this mean they weren't coming back?_ I felt really bad, they couldn't _not_ come back. _How many had gone?_

I look at my hand and count on my fingers, _Glenn, Merle, Andrea . . . Morales . . . T-dog. Who else? I knew there was another, the black woman that helps with laundry. What was her name?_

 _Sure there were risks going into Atlanta, but could they really all die out there?_

Amy, Andrea's sister looked at Shane incredulously, "so we're just going to leave her there?"

Shane looked down, fiddling with his hat in his hand. He took a quick glance at me that no would have noticed if they weren't watching him as I was. He looked at Amy, stepping forward.

"Look, Amy, I know that this is not easy-"

"-she volunteered to go, to help the rest of us."

"I know. And she knew the risks, right? See, if she's trapped, she's gone. We just have to deal with that." He said, his voice cracking, "there's nothing we can do."

Amy stared at him, her wide blue eyes watering, "she's my sister, you son of a bitch." She said angrily before running off.

Shane turned to Lori, wiping his nose. Lori's eyes are wide her expression showing regret, "did you have to-"

"-yes." He said firmly, without hesitation, "I had to be straight up. I know I was harsh . . . I couldn't tell her otherwise unless we knew for sure, I don't want to give her, or _anyone else here_ , false hope. Look at the mess I already made doing that."

Shane looked down at me and Lori did the same. Feeling the weight of their intense gazes, I turned away, wondering what he meant and why they were looking at me. She pressed her lips together and nodded, "I'll go talk to her."

Lori turned away and began calling for Amy. Shane came forward and ruffled Carl's hair, then placed his hand on my shoulder. I cringed under his touch, my body still not used to being so intimately handled.

"It's all right." He said, and walked passed us.

* * *

"Baby, the more you fidget, the longer it takes."

"How come she doesn't have to cut her hair?" Carl whined, glancing at me.

"Cause she ain't my mama." I answered.

Lori glanced at me as she continued cutting Carl's hair with a small pair of scissors, looking surprised. I wasn't sure if her surprise was because of my answer, or that I had answered at all.

Carl is sitting on the ground in front of her while she sits in a chair. I'm on the ground also, across from Carl, beside Shane. Shane sat in his chair, cleaning his gun I believed to be a rifle.

Lori turned her attention back to Carl's hair, "just stop fidgeting, okay?"

"I'm trying." He whined again

"Well, try harder."

Shane chuckled, "If you think this is bad, wait till you start shaving. That stings. That day comes, you'll be wishing for one of your mama's haircuts."

Carl rolled his eyes, "I'll believe that when I see it."

I glanced up at Shane, "when do we gotta start shavin'?"

Lori stopped again and looked at me along with Shane, "you don't have to worry about that, hun."

"It's only us men who have to worry about sprouting hairs like big-foot." Shane said with a smile.

Carl laughed and I held back a smile.

"I'll tell you what, you just get through this with some manly dignity and tomorrow I'll teach you something special." He said, smirking as he wiped down his gun, "I'll teach you to catch frogs."

"I've caught a frog before."

"I said frogs, _plural_."

"What's _plural_?" I asked.

"Yeah," Carl said, "why do we need frogs _plural_?"

"You ever eat frog legs?"

" _Ew_!" Carl exclaimed.

"No, yum!"

Lori shook her head, laughing, "No, he's right, _ew_."

"When you get down to that last can of beans, You're gonna be loving those frog legs, lady. I can see it now ' _Shane, do you think I could have a second helping, please? Please? Just one?'_ " He mimicked Lori with a big grin.

"Yeah, I doubt that."

I let a smile break out, but looked away. Then glanced at Carl, "They ain't that bad, kinda slimy though."

" _You_ ate frog legs?" Carl asked.

I shrugged looking away from him.

"See?" Shane asked, "she knows what I'm talking about. It is an art, my friend. It is not to be taken lightly. There are ways and means. Few people know about it. I'm willing to share my secrets. You and me, we'll be heroes. We'll feed these folks _Cajun-style Kermit legs_."

"I would rather eat miss piggy." Lori laughed, "Yes, that came out wrong."

"Heroes, son, spoken of in song and legend. You and me, Shane and Carl."

Carl smiled widely, obviously a little excited by Shane's speech. Carl glanced at me, his smile softened, "can she come too?"

Shane looked shocked for a second, but broke out into his grin once again. Looking down at me, "of course she can, if she's up for it. Whad'ya say, girl? You up for some frog catching?"

I hesitated, surprised. I glanced back and forth between all three of them. I didn't like the looks of expectation I was getting. Lori nodded at me.

"You'll come too, right?" Carl asked, "it'll be fun."

As I considered my retreat, Carl's smile seemed to weaken my resolve, "uh . . . okay."

Before he gets the time to get excited about my answer, we all tense up, straining our ears when we heard a strange sound in the distance. It was difficult to describe, some kind of whaling, but as it got louder it sounded like a siren.

We all got up quickly, hurrying toward the RV.

"Talk to me, Dale!" Shane called out.

Dale was standing, looking toward the road with his binoculars, "I can't tell yet."

"Is it them? Are they back?" I heard Amy ask in a loud voice.

 _What the hell did they come back in, a fire truck? Won't that attract those things?_ I shook my head to myself, not convinced it was the group.

"I'll be damned." I heard Dale mutter.

"What is it?"

"A stolen car is my guess."

I felt my body tense up, adrenalin filling me. I ran to the ladder, and climbed it as fast as I could. Almost stumbling when I reached the top to get to Dale.

"Lem'me see!" I exclaimed reaching for the binoculars. Dale handed them to me without looking my way.

I looked through the binoculars searching for the source of the siren. My eyes stopped at something red, realizing Dale was right about the car. _But why drive a car that would be so loud? If we could hear it from here, how loud was it inside of the car?_

Excitement and relief filled me as one thought consumed my mind.

 _Daddy_

I watched through the binoculars until the car pulled in, I was trying to see through the windshield, but the window was tinted. When the car I handed the binoculars back to Dale and sat at the edge of the RV, my legs dangling. I jumped down, bending my knees as my feet hit the ground.

Rushing over to where everyone was crowded around the car, my excitement turned to fear. "Turn that damn thing off!" I heard Dale yell.

I started thinking about what it really meant that Daddy was here. I thought back on all my time here, thinking about the things I had done wrong, about how I left the car when I wasn't supposed to. I tried shrugging it off, deciding to be prepared would be best instead of being scared, not that I was convinced it would help. So again, I continued to think about my time here, the things I had done.

 _I told a cop to fuck off that's one thing that happened_

Regardless of my thoughts and fear I kept going, but I did slow down a bit. I could hear the group yelling over the sound of the car alarm.

Shane turned his head, spotting me, then turned the rest of the way around and began stalking toward me as I ran toward him and the car. As I was about to pass him he grabbed hold of my arm stopping me. I looked up at him in confusion as I tried to shrug him off, but he didn't let go. Instead, he lowered himself to my height.

He bit his lip, and I could read something sad in his eyes, "Stop."

"Huh?" I let out, trying to get to the car,

"It's not him."

Me and Shane both looked toward the car when the siren stopped. Jim was leaning over the car, under the hood. Looking over all of them, I make out the figure of Glenn in his baseball cap.

"Oh . . ." I felt incredibly stupid, still confused about why he would take that car, and where everyone else was.

"I'm sorry." Shane said, not looking at me.

I just shrugged, trying to hide my disappointment.

"Listen . . . me and you gotta have a talk, alright? First, I have to go figure out what's going on. Then we _have_ to talk." He said, as if trying to convince himself.

I gave a nod and he returned it. He gave my shoulder a quick pat and stood up, turning away to stomp toward the group.

I followed behind him as he began shouting at Glenn,"you crazy driving this wailing bastard up here?! Are you trying to draw every walker for miles?"

"I think we're okay," Dale said. I hadn't even noticed he was there until he spoke.

Shane glared at him, and Dale raised his hands in surrender, "I'm not arguing, I'm just saying, the alarm was echoing all over these hills, hard to pinpoint the source. Wouldn't hurt you to think things through a little more carefully would it?"

"Sorry," Glenn said, "got a cool car."

I examined the car, stepping closer to look past Jim under the hood. My attention was drawn away when I heard another car. I looked up, seeing a white cube van pulling in. I smiled slightly.

When the car stops, Andrea jumps out from behind, running toward her sister. Both of them yelled each others names in excitement and hugged each other.

Behind her is the black woman, seeing her face, her name came to my mind. _Jaqui._

Then T-dog and Morales come next. Morales' kids run up to him, shouting in excitement, his wife followed suit. Something tugged at my chest, but I ignored it,

I turn away from the van to Carl and Lori. Lori is crouched in front of him, then I noticed he was crying.

"How'd ya'll get out of there anyway?" Shane asked, holding his shotgun over his shoulder.

"New guy, he got us out." Glenn answered.

I shifted my position, watching the truck, waiting for Merle.

"New guy?"

"Yeah," Morales said, holding his wife and kids, "Crazy vato just got into town. Hey, _helicopter boy_! Come say hello!"

I watched as an unfamiliar man showed himself, his hands on his hips.

"The guy's a cop like you."

Looking at the man, I can see his uniform, slightly unbuttoned revealing a white t-shirt. He had a badge on the left of his chest. The man seemed paralyzed after looking us over, his eyes wide.

He walked forward, fast, almost breaking into a run, I could hear Carl yelling as he ran toward the man.

"Dad! Dad!"

Carl leapt into the man's arms, the man picked him up, almost crying as he reached Lori. There a look of shock and confusion in Lori's face as she returned the hug. I glanced up at Shane, pure astonishment in his features.

I watched Lori, Carl and his dad fall to the ground, hugging and crying. I felt confused, sad, and for some reason, angry. My eyes and nose burned, I felt like I was going to cry.

I turned away in frustration, walking toward the cube van in search for Merle.

 _Stop caring, stop caring, stop fucking caring. He ain't your daddy, I told myself, why does it matter?_

I rubbed my temples as a headache started, _he ain't Daddy, Daddy ain't here. Why isn't he here? Why is Carl's dead Dad here and mine isn't?_

I hurried over to the cube van, looking in the window of the front seat, when I didn't see Merle, I went around the back. The back was open, and in it, no one. I peered into it, only seeing a couple bags. One bag caught my attention, a rifle leaning against it.

I squinted my eyes, leaning into the back of the van for a closer look.

 _Merle's gun._

I glanced around, confused. Then looked back to the group, wondering if I might've missed him. I scanned each body gathered around Carl and his parents. Then I glanced toward the Dixon camp.

 _No Merle._

For a moment I'm left confused, but seeing the separate car Glenn drove in with, my confusion and worry left me, I wasn't sure why they all came in different cars, but I didn't really think about it too much.

One last time, I glanced back at the group, confused about Carl's dad and what was going on. But every time I thought about it, it caused a sick feeling in my stomach.

I'd just wait for Merle to get back in his car. So I went by the road, and waited.

* * *

I waited for a short while, the sun was setting. I could hear the group talking, but I was too far to hear the words. I was sitting on the ground, hugging my knees to my chest.

"Hey,"

I turned my head, looking up, seeing Dale.

"What're you doing out here?" He asked, looking around, as if searching for the answer.

"Waitin' for Merle." I answered.

He squinted his eyes, switching his gaze from the road to the group, "he the only one that isn't back?"

I nodded. "Ya know why they all took different cars?" I asked.

He hesitated then shook his head, "that doesn't seem to be the story everyone is focused on."

"Carl's dad?" I asked.

He nodded.

"I thought Carl's dad was dead . . ."

"Seems they thought so too." He said, "why don't you come see everyone? I'm sure Carl would like to introduce you to his father. He's got quite a story to tell."

I admit that I was curious, but I shook my head, "I'm jus' gonna wait."

Dale looked around again, as if looking for something. It seemed to be some kind of habit, "I'll come see you in a bit, alright? Bring you something to eat . . ." He trailed off as he turned away, and walked toward the camp.

I watched him go, there was something in his expression that bothered me. I shrugged it off and laid my forehead on my knees.

* * *

 **Third POV**

Dale approached the group of people standing by his RV slowly, a feeling of uncertainty and guilt building inside him.

He watched the group as they chattered, all surrounded around the Grimes family, drilling the new arrival with questions. He was holding his son on his hip, who seemed to ignore all the people around them, focusing on holding his father tight. The boy had questions, just like everyone else, but he didn't care for the answers, not at that moment. That moment was spent focusing on holding his father, as if letting go would result in his disappearance.

Dale waited a bit longer, not wanting to interrupt but he felt he had to. No one had asked what exactly had happened in Atlanta, well, they had, but only relating to the new arrival.

Dale let the thought cross his mind that only him and the little girl had given any thought to Merle Dixon. This made him feel guilty, he came to the conclusion that if it wasn't for that girl, Merle would never even have entered his thoughts.

Of course, he didn't really care for the older Dixon brother, no one did, it was hard to form a decent thought of either of them. It was because of how they acted, their mysterious background, and having the little girl trailing them didn't seem to put anyone at ease. It only raised more questions and concerns about the Dixon's. They didn't seem to enjoy anyone's company, they hadn't really acted very decent toward anyone in the group, the younger one, Daryl, didn't seem bad, more quiet. So why let a little girl bother them?

"Excuse me," Dale spoke when he got the courage, everyone turned to him, "I hate to interrupt, we all have a lot of questions, and you seem more than willing to answer. I myself am curious about the story. But . . ."

"What is it, Dale?" Shane asked.

The new arrival stepped forward, gently pushing past people. He stopped in front of the older man, offering a hand, the other holding his son close, "Rick Grimes."

Dale smiled and shook Rick's hand, "Dale Horvath. Again, I apologize, I hate to ruin this. We should all have a cookout tonight, celebrate."

"I'd like that. What's on your mind?"

" . . . What happened with Merle Dixon?"

Shane ran a hand through his hair, "can't this wait?".

"I don't think so," Dale frowned, "She's waiting for Merle. She thinks he's coming in another car."

For a slight moment, Shane looked confused. But as he came to the realisation of who the older man was talking about. He hung his head low, rubbing his eyes.

Rick looked between his best friend and Dale, "I'm sorry, who?"

"Where?" Shane asked in frustration.

Dale nodded in the direction where the little girl sat.

"Alright, break it up, folks. Give the man some breathing room, huh?" Shane called out.

The rest of the group, excluding the ones who were in Atlanta, along with Shane, Dale, and Lori went off. Lori approached her son and husband, "sweetheart, we need to talk with your father for a few minutes, alright?"

"But-"

"-no buts, just five minutes alright? He's not going anywhere, I promise."

Carl hesitated, but nodded. Rick slowly set the boy down, giving him one final hug and kiss on his forehead.

"Love you, dad."

"I love you too, I'll be right over here, okay?"

The boy nodded, walking away, but not without glancing at his father several times.

"What happened with Dixon?" Shane asked as Rick hugged his wife close.

"He went crazy, attacked T-dog," Glenn answered.

"He was hostile," Rick continued, "he was a danger to the group. I handcuffed him to a pipe to restrain him."

Lori looked up at her husband, "you did what?"

"Merle was out of control. Your husband did what was necessary," Andrea explained.

"Then what? Did you uncuff him? Is he dead?" Shane pressed for answers.

"I had the key," T-dog said, "I dropped it down a drain pipe. I got scared, and then I ran."

"We were all scared, we all ran." Andrea defended.

"But I stopped long enough to chain that door. The staircase is narrow, maybe half a dozen geeks can squeeze against it at one time. It's not enough to break through that, not that chain, not that padlock. Dixon's alive and he's still up there."

Dale shook his head, "we can't tell her that."

"If Merle got left behind, it is nobody's fault but Merle's." Andrea said.

"Have you given any thought to Daryl Dixon?" Dale asked, "telling the girl is one thing but Daryl . . . I don't see a rational discussion to be had from that, do you? Word to the wise, we are going to have our hands full when he gets back from his hunt."

"We already have our hands full, what am I supposed to tell her? Am I supposed to lie, say that he's dead?" Shane asked.

"You can't tell her he got handcuffed and left behind." Morales said, "she wouldn't get it."

T-dog sighed, placing his hands on his knees, "damn, I hadn't even thought about her."

"I'm sorry, who are we talking about?" Rick asked.

Shane clasped his hand on his best friend's shoulder, leading him into view of a small figure sitting by the road. "See her?" Shane pointed, "that's Dixon's shadow."

Rick looked from his friend to the little girl, "I'm sorry?"

"Girl follows him around," Morales explained, "almost everyday, like clockwork. You see Merle, you see her."

"Shit, I just left the only man that kid likes on a damn roof."

Shane turned to T-dog angrily, "what're you going on about? She likes me just fine."

T-dog chuckled, "you're kidding right? How many words did that kid actually speak until she started hanging around Dixon?"

"Are they family?" Rick asked.

Shane shook his head, "as far as we know, no. When we were told to evacuate to Atlanta, there was a traffic jam on the highway, they weren't letting anyone in. She was alone, we looked for her dad for a while but . . . things were happening, it was dangerous. We had to go and I couldn't leave her."

"You don't know what happened?"

"She told me they were waiting, same as everyone else. Then he just got up and left, took whatever they had with him . . ." Shane trailed off, biting his lip.

"Speak your mind," Rick pressed.

"Son of a bitch left her, plain and simple."

Rick hesitated, "mother?"

Lori answered, "no."

"That's not the worst of it," Andrea spoke, anger in her voice.

"Andrea, please." Dale pleaded.

Rick glanced at Shane, who still wouldn't meet anyone's eyes.

"Shane left a note behind for her father," Lori answered Rick's questioning eyes. "It wasn't right to leave her alone or take her when he could've come back at any time. It's been weeks, no one's come."

"Poor girl's still waiting for her father," Andrea said quietly.

Rick turned to Shane, "you haven't told her?"

Shane finally met Rick's eyes, guilt and frustration reflecting in him. "I couldn't, man, how do you tell a kid that? Hell, I don't even know if the bastard even planned on coming back."

Rick nodded. He remembered a few years back him and Shane had lost colleague, it was some stupid accident. Their superior had asked them both to accompany him to give his respects to the wife and daughter while he broke the news. Shane and Rick had gone with him, fortunately for them, the daughter wasn't home from school yet. They broke the news to the wife, and he remembered her reaction, it seemed as though everything in that woman's world had broke.

After a while of comforting the wife and giving their respects, their superior offered for them to stay and help break the news to the daughter. The wife had refused. The three officers left, just as the teenage girl returned home from school. They both remembered the confused look on her face upon seeing the three men.

"It was hard enough telling Lori when I thought . . . the look on Carl's face."

Tears escaped Lori's eyes and she buried her head in Rick's shoulder.

"I'm right here," Rick assured, kissing the top of her head, "I'm not going anywhere."

"Should we tell her he's dead? Merle, I mean." Andrea questioned.

"But he's not," T-dog stated, "he's handcuffed to a roof, alive. That's on us."

"Maybe we should wait for Daryl," Glenn intervened, "she likes him right? Maybe it would be better if . . . he were around? We could even tell him first and . . ."

Andrea crossed her arms, "And what about her father?"

"It's been a long time." Lori said, raising her head, "I'm sure, by now, it's crossed her mind that-"

"-I don't think it has," Dale interrupted, "even if it has, it hasn't settled in. I see her from that roof everyday, or even when she's sitting with me, watching that road. She believes he's coming back because we haven't given any reason to doubt it."

"Fuck . . . I'll do it, I'll tell her right now." Shane said.

"Not now. No matter how we feel about Merle, for whatever reason that girl respects him, him and his brother." Dale said.

Andrea looked back at where the girl was sitting, "We go and tell her that neither Merle or her father is coming back, that would be awful. You can't throw both of that onto a child."

Lori turned to Shane, tension in her eyes and voice, "You waited too long."

Shane glared, "I didn't see you stepping up to tell her yourself, or any of you."

"Calm down, this is no one's fault." Rick said, "Glenn might have a point about waiting for Merle's brother, we can't tell her he's gone if he decides to go back for him. If she's as close to them as you say, waiting for Daryl would be our best option. No matter what happened on that roof, we cannot lie, and we cannot say we are going to sit here while he is still there. Leaving him there isn't right, we'll figure out what to do when his brother comes back."

The group was silent, some nodding in agreement.

"I'll go talk to her," Rick said, "what's her name?"

Shane shrugged, "she hasn't said. We don't even know how old she is."

"She's pretty quiet for the most part." Dale said, "she's been a lot more open since she started following Merle around, she talks now."

Lori sighed, "she seems a bit defensive when we try to get a name out of her. Best not to bring it up."

Rick nodded, and began to walk forward. Shane, Lori, and Dale followed. The rest of the group joined the others at camp, they were curious as to what the cop was going to say, but none of them were too keen on seeing the little girl's face when he said it.

Rick approached the little girl from behind, "hello."

The girl turned her head and looked up, obvious confusion showing in her features. Her grey eyes scanned the new arrival, but then her expression turned hard, blank. Examining the girl's face, Rick guessed she couldn't have been much younger than his boy. At that moment, he fully understood how hard of a time Shane was having. The appearance of the girl, her round baby face seemed fragile, as if the slightest touch would shatter it.

Rick crouched down to her level, "I'm Rick Grimes," he introduced as he held a hand out.

She switched her gaze from the Rick's hand to his face, but made no sign to take it.

After a moment of silence, she spoke "you a cop, mister?"

"Sheriff's Deputy."

At the sound of her voice, Rick was pushed to believe she was older then she appeared, maybe not by much.

"It's alright," Shane assured, "he's a friend."

The girl just stared at Rick, not making any sign to have even heard Shane, "do I call ya sheriff?"

Rick smiled, dropping his hand, "Rick is fine. I was told that you know Merle Dixon."

Recognition and confusion reflected in the girl's eyes, then she shrugged.

"In Atlanta, you group and I had a situation involving your . . . your friend. It isn't something any of us feel comfortable discussing until we have a chance to speak to his brother, Daryl. Do you know when he might get back?"

She hesitated, "Merle said 'e might come back t'day if 'e gets lucky. Maybe t'morrow. Is Merle dead?"

"He's still in Atlanta," Rick answered, "and he may be there for a while, he won't be coming back tonight."

"Ya don' know when 'e'll be back?"

Rick shook his head, "it's something that should be discussed with his brother first."

The girl's eyebrows furrowed, it was easy to tell she was confused. Rick didn't want to say anything more and prayed he didn't have to. After a moment of thinking it over, the girl nodded, but still looked very confused.

Shane stepped forward offering her a hand, "come on, girl. We're all gonna sit by the fire, you can sit with me or Dale, alright?"

The girl took his hand, but released it as soon as she was standing. She walked back with them to the camp.

* * *

 **Toby's POV**

Carl's dad, Rick, had just finished telling the story of how he came to Atlanta. He had woken up from some coma. I didn't really know what a coma was, I think it just means that you sleep for a long time.

He told us how a man named Morgan and his son Duane helped him understand what happened while he was in the coma.

It must've been scary,. We had slowly eased into this, hearing about the virus and attacks day after day, each day worse than the last. But to just wake up at the end of it all, with so many dead, so many turned into those things, walkers, or geeks was what the group called them, must've been awful. I can't imagine just having to wake up to something like this.

Carl was lying against his dad, Lori leaning against him as well. I was looking at the ground, I didn't like seeing Carl with his dad for some reason. It made me feel sad.

When it was Shane's turn to tell him how he got Carl and Lori out of their town, Rick listened quietly, stroking Carl's head.

"They stopped the broadcast on the radio, no warnings nothing. Helicopter came from nowhere. They napalmed the city, left and right . . ." Shane's voice was cracking, "Everyone was terrified. All day that broadcast went on, telling us to evacuate to Atlanta . . . then for that to happen."

I looked up at Shane, who was sitting next to me. He returned my gaze and gave me a small smile, but I knew it was fake, "then I ran into this little one, right here." He nudged me, "and we decided to make camp here, close to the city. Easy enough spot to find in case they start cleaning things up soon. We have the C.B. but, well, you know how well that works. We've been waiting but . . . nothing yet."

Rick nodded and everyone fell silent. After a few moments of no one saying anything, I stood up.

"Hey, where you goin'?" Shane asked.

"Bed," I answered in a tired voice.

Shane started to get up, "here, I'll take you."

I bit my lip and shook my head, "I'm sleepin' in Merle's tent. He said I could." I said, my confidence wavering.

Before I could change my mind, I started walking away.

"Uh, do we stop her?" I heard Glenn ask.

Fortunately none of them did.

Walking toward the Dixon camp, I wondered for the hundredth time why he wasn't back yet. I didn't fully understand what Carl's dad was telling me, but knew he wasn't going to tell me anything until Daryl got here. I was scared to think that he died, but if he did, why not just say so?

My emotions and thoughts were battling each other, giving me a headache.

 _I really hope I can sleep._

* * *

The helicopters came back to haunt me that night.

First they came to camp, dropping the bombs, but instead of hearing the camps' screams, I heard the people from that night on the highway. I could hear the distant booming sounds of the bombs, even though they were exploding just a few feet away from where I stood.

Then they went to the highway, and for whatever reason, Merle was there, paying no attention as they dropped bomb after bomb.

I kept waking up in a cold sweat and falling asleep, not being able to sleep but not being able to stay awake. I felt trapped, as if I was being chained down.

The last time I opened my eyes, I could see the daylight shining through the tent, I forced whatever strength I had to crawl out of the tent and keep awake.

I walked around camp, and sat down for a while. Mostly just waiting. When Jim and Dale got up, they began to take parts from the car Glenn brought back from Atlanta, Morales helped too.

I sat near the car and watched as they tore apart the vehicle, Glenn stood beside me, obviously saddened by it.

"Couldn't have even waited until I woke up?" Glenn mumbled to himself. I felt kind of bad, he seemed to really like the car. I wondered if I should've said something when they first started, I wondered if it would've mattered.

A short while later Rick stood with us, he smiled down at me, "morning."

I didn't say anything, instead I just looked back at the car.

"Look at them, vultures." I heard Glenn say, "Yeah, go on. Strip it clean."

"Generators need every drop of fuel they can get, got no power without it. Sorry, Glenn." Dale said as he passed Glenn, patting his shoulder, carrying a red gas container.

"Thought I'd get to drive it at least a few more days," Glenn told Rick in a hushed voice.

"Maybe we'll get to steal another one someday," Rick patted Glenn's back, and walked off.

A few minutes later, Shane drove in on a vehicle I think was a jeep. When the car stopped, he opened the door and got it, "waters here ya'll. Just a reminder to boil before use."

That was followed by screaming.

I heard Carl screaming for his dad, Sophia screaming for her mother.

I stood up, following the others as they ran into the woods. Before I could get very far, Shane grabbed my shoulder, "You stay right here."

A little scared, I complied as he followed the others. The screaming stopped shortly after, and then silence. I stayed in place, waiting.

I hear footsteps and watched as Daryl came into view. Relief washed over me and I smiled slightly.

As Daryl walked on to camp, he noticed me and stopped in front of me, "didn't get your deer, one a those dead fucks got it 'fore I did."

"Oh." I let out, disappointed.

He pulled a string of squirrels off his shoulder, "Got 'bout dozen squirrel, that'll 'ave to do. 'ere, make yourself useful, got our work cut out for us." He handed me the string of squirrels and I took it, "we'll skin 'em then stew 'em."

The weight surprised me and pulled me down, but I lifted it and hauled it over my shoulder as he walked by me.

"Merle! Merle! Git your ugly ass out here! Got us some squirrel, le's stew 'em up!"

Daryl stalked toward the firepit in the middle of camp, he crouched down, placing his crossbow on the ground. He glanced at me, "where's Merle at?"

"Merle ain't here," I said, adjusting the heavy squirrels on my shoulder.

Daryl glanced from me to where the cars were, "What're you talkin' about?"

"He ain't back yet," I told him.

"Why the hell ain't 'e back?"

I shrugged a shoulder, "I dunno, ask the sheriff. I'm a kid, no one tells me shit."

"Sheriff?" Daryl looked.

"Daryl?" I heard Shane call from behind me, "slow up a bit, I need to talk to you."

"'Bout what?" Daryl said, standing up.

"About Merle," Shane said, standing a few feet away from Daryl and I. "There was a . . . a problem in Atlanta."

Daryl looked around, noticing how the rest of the group was gathering, watching and waiting for his reaction. I looked around too, not liking the looks he was getting, I was getting a few of them myself. It popped in my head that I shouldn't have dismissed why Merle wasn't back so fast. I should've pushed, questioned more.

The way everyone was staring, the unanswered questions hanging in the air. I wanted to hide.

"He dead?" Daryl asked.

"We're not sure."

"He either is or he ain't!"

Shane was looking at me, thinking hard, after a moment Rick began to walk forward on the other side of Daryl, "No easy way to say this so I'll just say it."

"Who are you?" Daryl glanced at me, his frustration building up, "who the hells 'e?"

"Tha's the sheriff tha' won' tell me shit." I said.

"Rick Grimes." He introduced himself.

" _Rick Grimes_ ," Daryl mocked, "you got somethin' ya wanna tell me?"

"Your brother was a danger to us all."

I looked at Rick, scrunching my eyebrows together in shock and confusion. Not at all expecting what he was telling us.

"So I handcuffed him on a roof, hooked him to a piece of metal. He's still there."

"You cuffed 'im?" I asked not sure how to react.

"Hold on, lem'me process this," Daryl said, pointing to his head, "You're saying you handcuffed my brother to a roof? And you left him there?!"

The anger in Daryl's voice made me step away, I had a feeling of what was coming. I wasn't scared, maybe I should have been, but I was angry too, angry and as always, confused.

Daryl charged forward, knocking Rick to the ground. Shane did the same to Daryl, and I dropped the squirrels, adrenalin pumping through me. I stepped forward and back countless times, not sure where to go or what to do. A million thoughts raced through my brain, I felt like I needed to do something, but I didn't know what.

Daryl was on the ground, he took a knife from his belt and got up.

"Watch the knife!" Someone yelled.

Daryl got up, swinging at Rick. Rick backed away and dodged each of Daryl's swings. Shane came up from behind wrapping an arm around Daryl's neck. At that point, my pulse was loud in my ears, I felt really hot and awake. As if I could run for miles without stopping. Standing in one place wasn't working, but I wasn't sure what to do.

I'd seen Daddy get into fights before, something I remembered him telling me was that you had to find their blind spot, something they were too stupid to see.

Rick disarmed Daryl, and Daryl struggled against Shane, Rick stayed out of the way. With one hand on Daryl's head, and the other around his neck, Shane forced Daryl to the ground, crouching.

That's when my eyes caught sight of Shane's gun holster, dangling from his him. The clip around the gun was undone so it was easy to grab and pull out if he needed it.

 _That's it._

I lunged forward, running to them, and then I ripped the pistol from Shane's holster. Gripping it tight I took several steps back, wrapping both hands around the handle and pointed it at them

All three men froze, shocked and a bit fearful.

 _Oh, shit, what're you doing, Toby?_

"Chokeholds illegal, cops can't do tha'." I said, taking deep breaths.

"What the hell put that down!" Someone shouted.

I shifted my position, making sure no one was behind me and if someone tried to get behind, I'd see them out of the corner of my eye.

Daryl started struggling against Shane again, and Shane gave me a firm stare, "girl, put that down right now, this isn't a game."

"Let 'im go," I said angrily.

"Stop and-"

 _He's not taking it seriously._ As soon as that thought crossed my mind, I turned the gun over and flipped the safety off with my thumb.

That's when Shane started to look more fearful than angry.

Rick started to come forward, low to the ground, closer to my height. Both his hands were raised, eyes wide, "hey, it's okay. I understand you're a bit scared, a bit confused. We're just going to talk."

"Let. Him. Go." I said slowly.

"We are just trying to calm him down, he's a bit emotional-"

"-'as e'ery right ta be. Ya left his brother behind, he ain't got no one else."

"Listen, just put the gun down,"

The anger erupted in me, a growling sound escaped my throat. I reached up with one thumb pulled the hammer down on the gun, the gun clicked, placing a bullet into the chamber.

Rick's eyes widened and I clenched my teeth, "my hands might be small but I can reach the trigger _just fine._ "

Rick hesitated, but looked me in the eyes, "What I did was not on a whim, Merle does not work and play well with others."

"Of course not, it's _Merle_." I looked back at Shane, "your own fault for lettin' 'im go. I ain't stupid, Merle don' like you, you don' like 'im let alone trust 'im. Hear ya people say all the time, Merle's an asshole, _bad news, bad influence, whatever._ So, why in hell did ya let 'im go?"

Silence.

Glenn stepped forward, a few feet behind Rick, "I'm not just saying this because I don't want to get shot, but why did Merle come?"

"Maybe we should've thought that through a little more," Morales said.

"Merle volunteered." Andrea said in an accusing tone, "Who were we to tell him no? Face it, no one wanted to see his reaction to _that_."

"I saw 'is gun in the truck." I said, glaring hard at Rick and the people behind him, "couldn't get Merle but ya got 'is gun?"

Daryl began struggling again, obviously angered when he heard this, "ya best let me go!"

Shane was panting, all his energy going into restraining Daryl, "Merle's gun wasn't cuffed to a roof."

I turned my glare to Shane, everything in me seemed to snap, "fuck off, I wasn't even talkin' to you." I stepped forward, the gun inches away from Shane, "Ya best let 'im go."

"Girl, we can keep this up all day."

My lip curled upwards, showing my teeth, "can we? How many bullets does this hold? Five, six? My aim might be shit but do you really think I can miss _this_ shot?!"

"Yo, everyone just chill! This is what got Merle cuffed in the first place." T-dog said.

"Let's just have a calm, rational discussion about this, huh?" Rick said, "do you think we can manage that? Do you think we can manage that?!"

I didn't answer, I was so angry all I could do was try not to pull the trigger.

Daryl grumbled something I didn't catch, and I noticed Rick nodding in the corner of my eye.

"Shane, let him go."

Shane hesitated, looking from me to Rick. Then he let Daryl go and backed away, "now put it down."

Daryl got up, first he shot a glare at Shane then looked at me. He reached a hand out. I stared back as he nodded, I didn't know what the nod really meant.

"Give it," he said softly.

I hesitated, then turned the gun over to flip the safety back on. I shifted my hold on the weapon, holding it by the barrel, giving it to Daryl.

Daryl held the gun at his side, not aiming it at anyone but looking ready to, "Hell with all y'all! Jus' tell me where he so I can go an' get 'im!"

"I'll show you," T-dog said, "I'll go back to Atlanta. I had the key, I dropped it, it's on me."

"Ya couldn't pick it up?!"

". . . I dropped it down a drain."

 _Ain't that convenient?_

"Look," T-dog continued, "I chained the door to the roof so the geeks couldn't get at him, with a padlock."

"It's gotta count for something." Rick said, "I'm going too."

Daryl shook his head, wiping his eye with his wrist. He walked up behind me and slung the squirrels over his shoulder, then grabbed his crossbow from where he put it down, still holding Shane's gun in his other hand. When he began walking away, I followed.

"Hey," Shane called, "that's my gun."

Daryl scoffed, not looking back, "watcha gonna do? Report me?"

I followed close behind Daryl, no one else bothered to shout for him. When we got close to the Dixon camp, Daryl looked down at me, "what the hell did ya do that for?"

I looked down at my feet, embarrassed and scared. I didn't say anything, hoping the question was rhetorical.

"Ya gonna answer or what?"

I bit my lip, still refusing to look at him, "was thinkin' 'bout what Merle woulda done."

He scoffed again, "Tha's what ya think he woulda done?"

I shook my head, "Merle woulda shot 'im."

At the two brothers' camp, Daryl tossed the string of squirrels to the ground then tucked Shane's pistol in his belt. He turned away again, walking toward the cars.

A sound escaped Daryl's throat, almost sounding like a laugh, "ya looked like a fuckin' animal. Even Merle woulda been shittin' 'is pants."

I looked up at him as we stopped at the cube van, "m'I in trouble?"

He shook his head, "nah, Merle woulda loved tha'."

I looked behind me, seeing Rick coming forward, he was wearing his uniform again. T-dog was behind him, then Shane, then Glenn.

"Can I come?" I asked Daryl.

"Hell no, ya kidding? Don' got time ta be babysittin' your ass."

"Do I have to?" I heard Glenn whine to Rick, "I mean, haven't I _almost_ died enough?"

You know the way. You've been there before in and out, no problem, you said so yourself. It's not fair of me to ask I know that, but I'd feel a lot better with you along."

"Can't believe you're doing this," Shane said, " _Merle Dixon_ , the guy wouldn't give you a glass of water if you were dying of thirst."

"What he would or wouldn't do doesn't interest me. I can't let a man die of thirst, me. Thirst and exposure. That's no way for anything to die, let alone a human being."

I looked back at Daryl, eyes wide, "is Merle gonna die there?"

Daryl rolled his eyes and huffed, "Holy shit, will ya pricks shut your mouths? He ain't dyin'."

Daryl roughly grabbed me by the arm, pulling me away a couple steps from the other men.

"He ain't dyin', we're gonna go an' I'm gonna come back _with_ Merle, ya hear me? Stop lookin' at me like that, goddamn. Hey! Come on, let's go!" He shouted to the group.

Daryl turned to get into the van but looked back at me again, "Jus' . . . jus' stay put a'right? Stay in camp."

I watched as Daryl, Rick, Glenn, and T-dog piled into the cube van.

* * *

 **Hey readers! So, you were supposed to get this saturday, but saturday morning I woke up really ill. As the days passed I just seemed to get worse, so monday I saw a doctor. I have some sort of bronchial infection. The antibiotics don't have a great effect, loss of appetite, after taste, vomiting.**

 **Luckily, saturday I was close to the end, I've been trying really hard the last couple days to get this to you.**

 **But it's been a real struggle to even sit up.**

 **This chapter hasn't been edited so sorry for errors. Toby kind of snapped in this chapter lol.**

 **So because of me being sick, I've been staying home from school so im going to be behind on homework.**

 **Sadly, I'm not even going to start writing the next chapter until I get better. And when I get better I want to get ahead on my homework.**

 **I'm not sure how long the next chapter is going to take, sorry.**

 **So leave reviews, tell me what you think.**

 **Reviews = good feelings = the possible cure to my plague! lol . . . just kidding**


	9. Out of Line

_Go away, go away. Please, go away._ I silently begged.

"I know you're in there, c'mon now."

I was in Merle and Daryl's tent, sitting on a sleeping bag. I hugged my knees close to my chest, watching the silhouette of Shane from where he stood, outside the tent. It hadn't been long since the group left for Atlanta, as soon as they did leave, I took it upon myself to hide in the tent.

I didn't respond to Shane, I knew I was in trouble for taking his gun, and aiming it at him. I didn't even want to know what my punishment would be.

With both Merle and Daryl gone, I felt more out of place than ever, although I wasn't sure why. Why did it bug me so much that they weren't here? I felt vulnerable.

 _Maybe tha's 'cause ya aimed a gun at a cop and you're gonna get beat._ I reminded myself.

 _Yeah, tha's it._

"I'm not . . ." Shane sighed, to my surprise he sounded rather calm, maybe a little annoyed, "I'm not mad."

I stared at his shadow, confused. _Why wouldn't he be mad?_ Again, I didn't say anything, hoping he would think that I wasn't there.

"Just come out, let's talk about this." He was silent, waiting for my response. "Come on, girl, we can do this all day."

I hesitated, "I'm not here."

I heard him chuckle, "really? I must've banged my head on somethin' real hard then, because I swear I heard something."

I suppressed a smile, thinking it was funny for a moment.

"I'm not going to yell. Just . . . we need to talk about what happened. You gonna come out? Or do I have to come in?"

I bit my lip, knowing he would very well come in. Looking around the tent, and thinking about who's it was, I knew it wasn't a good idea. Merle and Daryl wouldn't have been too happy to hear about Shane going in their tent.

I sighed, _might as well get it over with. Gonna happen either way._

I got up from where I was sitting and went to unzip the tent. I crawled out, zipped the tent back up behind me, and stood up straight.

Shane stood a few feet away, his hands on his hips with an expectant expression.

"There, now we can talk about this." He said.

I gave a slight nod and slowly walked toward him, stopping a foot away. I kept my eyes down at my shoes, afraid to make eye contact.

"There are some things you need to know. One of them is that what happened, what you did, cannot happen again. Are you listening?"

"Yeah . . ."

"Do you understand what you did was wrong?"

"Yeah . . ."

"Then tell me, tell me what you did wrong."

I lifted my head, squinting my eyes to show my confusion.

He sighed, "I need to hear it, this conversation cannot be one sided, not this time. I need to know that you understand what I'm talking about."

I took my eyes off his, his gaze becoming intimidating. Looking around, I could see Dale a short distance away behind Shane. He was watching us closely, no doubt wondering how this would go.

But I knew how this would go, I'd been in trouble countless times. Although, I had never pulled a gun on Daddy, I didn't even want to think about my punishment. But I had to get it over with.

"I told ya ta fuck off . . . and I took your gun . . ."

"Not only did you take it," Shane said, his voice raising with each word, "you pointed it, knowing very well where the safety was and no doubt what it meant to turn it off! I can see you may have had experience with a gun, so you know how dangerous one can be. They are not toys! As long as you're here, _you_ are my responsibility, whatever you do, _I_ am responsible for."

I held my arms close to my sides, lightly squeezing myself, trying to keep myself calm. I was cringing now, trying my best to stay in place and not back away. Trying to get away always made Daddy more mad.

"Now tell me right now, what in God's name possessed you to do that? Hmm? You threatened me, threatened the group. It doesn't matter who it was, you _do not,_ do that!"

I flinched, trying to keep still and keep my voice steady, "but . . . you had Daryl, I . . ."

"It was not your place to interfere, I know you were angry, I understand. The situation got out of hand, but that was beyond out of line. When things like that happen, the adult's handle that. What would have happened if you accidentally pulled the trigger?!"

"I wouldn't . . . not _accidentally_. I know how the trigger works." I said quietly, looking up. Shane's eyes are wide, his jaw tense. He takes a step forward, and I immediately begin to panic, I jumped back raising my arms, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

I kept my eyes closed tight, shaking and trying not to cry. I waited for the impact, but nothing happened. Shane had stopped yelling, he wasn't saying or doing anything. After waiting a few more seconds, I slowly began to open my eyes, but kept them on the ground, seeing the tips of his boots. I looked up at him to find him staring at me, his face much more relaxed, his eyes were still wide but the expression was much different.

My arms were still raised but I lowered them slightly as tears burned my eyes.

"Do you think I'm going to hurt you?"

My lip quivered, "I-I was _bad_."

He's silent for another moment, then he gave a slow nod, "yeah, you were. That doesn't mean I'm going to hurt you. I just need you to understand what you did was wrong, so it won't happen again."

I gave a small nod, understanding what went wrong. But I didn't understand the rest, he was going to let this go too? How many times now had I gone against his word without punishment? This was the most time Shane had spent scolding me. I didn't understand why he was acting like that when all he planned to do, was scold.

Shane sighed, and reached for my arms, I began to take a step back but he gently took hold of each of my wrists. As he lowered himself, he lowered my arms to my sides. I stared at him, my fear withering but confusion growing. _What the hell is he doing?_

His expression seemed almost gentle, his eyes holding a soft expression. He took the hands that he used to hold each of my wrists and lowered them into my own hands, holding each of them tightly.

I stared down at our hands as a weird feeling made my chest tighten.

"Listen-"

I looked up at him, "-Why do you always do that?"

"Do what?"

"Touch me," I said, "it's weird."

He hesitated, glancing down at our hands, it was obviously his turn to be confused, "weird? What do you mean? I don't treat you any different than Carl, neither does Lori. It's just the way adults act toward kids, to help them feel better."

"Daddy don't touch me like that." I said and shook my head, confirming his statement made no sense to me.

He tilted his head, looking me in the eyes, "he didn't? What do you mean?"

"He just _doesn't_ . . . He uses the belt sometimes, when I'm real bad."

He stared me down silently, then looked away. He released both my hands and ran his own hand through his hair.

After thinking about it, he said; "that won't happen. As long as you're with me, you don't have to worry about things like that happening."

Shane stood up, rubbing his head, "was thinking of taking Carl down to the quarry, catch some frogs. You want to come?"

I hesitated, not at all understanding what just happened. My fear was gone but that didn't mean I felt any better. My confusion just made me feel more weary and suspicious of Shane, I didn't want to spend more time with him then I had too. Carl got a little too excited too easily, I wasn't really in the mood for that.

I glanced behind Shane, seeing Dale was still there. I wasn't sure if he could hear us from his distance, I doubted it.

"Can . . . Can I go with mister Dale?"

He gave a nod, "if that's what you want. But I want to make sure I made myself clear, we can't have that happen again. You scared people, someone could've gotten hurt. What you did, it wasn't right."

He watched me closely, waiting for a response. Instead of saying anything, I gave a single nod. He returned it, "if you want to come down to the quarry later, feel free. I'll check on you later."

Shane turned away, he walked toward Dale, stopping to talk to him.

"Ain't right to handcuff someone to a roof neither . . ." I muttered to the ground.

Dale and Shane both glanced at me, and I know they're talking about me. Dale gave a nod and waved me over. I complied as Shane strode away from Dale.

"I hear you wanted to join me?" Dale asked with a smile. The smile surprised me, since I aimed the gun at Shane and Rick everyone was looking at me weird.

"Uh, yeah."

"Good, I enjoy the company."

* * *

I was lying on the roof of the RV, it felt hot against my back, but lying there for a while, I got accustomed to the feeling. The book I usually flipped through was resting on my chest, I was growing more annoyed with it, honestly.

It seemed much more entertaining to look at the sky for some reason, even though the brightness of the day burned my eyes. It was a clear blue sky, not one cloud in sight, confusing me more as to why I just felt like staring at nothing. I tilted my head up to glance at Dale who was standing up near the edge of the RV, facing away from camp, looking through his binoculars.

Looking through his binoculars wasn't anything knew, but he had been looking in that direction for a while.

"See somethin'?" I asked.

He hesitated, "it's Jim."

I moved the book from my chest and rolled over onto my stomach, looking in the direction he was facing. I couldn't see Jim, but I recognised the hill not too far away.

"Yeah, saw 'im go tha' way earlier with a shovel." I said.

"How long ago was that?"

"I dunno, lil' after Daryl left, 'fore I went inta' 'is tent."

Dale lowered his binoculars, and turned to look down at me, "he say anything?"

"Naw, not ta' me. Not like 'e would."

He lifted the binoculars again and turned away from me, "wonder what he's doing . . ."

"'e had a shovel so . . . maybe he's diggin' for worms? Daddy always makes me dig for worms if we're goin' fishin'. Amy an' Andrea are fishin' now right? Maybe they need worms."

Dale shook his head, "if he's been up there as long as you say . . . it's been a couple hours. It's a hundred degrees out . . . I hope he has some water with him."

I slowly sat up, seeing two water bottles beside Dale's chair. I got mine shortly after joining Dale, it was only half full now. Thinking about it, I realized I wanted to stretch my legs. I grabbed my half-full water bottle and swung my legs over the side of the RV.

"I'll give 'im some," I said.

Dale glanced at me but before he could say anything. I quickly checked for Lori or Shane before jumping down.

I walked in the direction of the hill, and when I reached the area where the ground began to rise, I searched for some sort of trail, not wanted to walk through grass as tall as me.

I found a makeshift trail, where the grass was slightly flattened to the ground, showing people had walked up and down this hill several times.

The climb up was much hard than expected, the hill was actually kind of steep. I honestly believed I was better at climbing trees than that damn hill. Nearing the top, I glanced back the way I came, seeing how far I came.

"Shit," I muttered, out of breath.

At the top of the hill, where the earth flattened out, I could hear the sound of the shovel scraping against dirt. I walk until I see Jim's figure, his back to me.

"Mister Jim?" I walked forward, when he doesn't answer I try again, stopping a few feet away, "mister Jim?"

I was louder the second time, but I was sure he heard me. I walked around him to stand in front of him and the shovel.

"Mister Dale said ya needed water." I said, holding the bottle out to him.

Again, Jim doesn't respond, he doesn't even seem to have heard me. I waited for a minute, standing in front of the hole he was digging, looking around, I noticed it wasn't his first but his third. The other two were rectangular and looking pretty deep.

I stepped closer and placed the bottle near the edge of the hole he was currently digging, so it was insight. Jim paused for a brief moment, his eyes going to the bottle, then up at me.

After a split second of eye contact, he lifts the shovel and shoves it into the ground several times, loosening the dirt.

 _Okay, he just_ don't _wanna talk then_ , I realized. It felt kind of weird, I wanted to press for him to talk more, but I knew what it felt like to not want to talk. That's what made it so weird, my time here was mostly spent with people talking to me, and trying to get me to talk more. I had never been on their side of it, and it bugged me.

I took a couple steps back and sat cross-legged on the ground, watching him dig.

* * *

A short while later, I watched behind Jim as Dale made his way through the bushes and long grass, his rifle slung over his shoulder. He slowly walked forward, a skeptical look on his face as he switched his gaze from me to Jim. When he looked at me, I gave a shrug.

"Jim? You okay?" He asked, "you keep this up, you're gonna keel over out here."

He waited for Jim respond, and as I expected, he didn't. Dale raised his own water bottle toward Jim, "drink some water at least."

I waited a moment before saying anything, "'e don' wanna talk. Don' want no water neither."

Jim paused again, looking at Dale, then continued digging. Dale watched then motioned with his hand for me to get up.

I obeyed and walked toward him, leaving my bottle with Jim. Dale looked unsure as we hesitantly turned away from Jim and began walking back.

After walking down the hill and approaching camp, I'm surprised and a little frightened when Carl is barreling toward me.

"Hey!" He said with a big smile, grabbing my hand, "come on! Come see the fish!"

Carl started pulling me but I immediately ripped my hand from his grasp and backed away, feeling flustered.

 _What is it with these people and touching me?_

He stared at me, "sorry, I didn't mean to pull so hard. But come see, Amy and Andrea caught a lot of fish, they said they're going to teach me how to fish!"

 _Why is he always so excited? Has he not seen fish before?_

I glanced at Dale but he's looking back to where we left Jim, he turned his head to me, a certain uneasiness settling in his features.I nodded at Carl and walked beside him, I could tell by the way he was walking he was making himself slow down for me.

"See?" He said, pointing at toward the group. Most of them were gathered together, Morales holding a chain of about a dozen fish in each hand. He looked just as happy as Carl did.

Carl rushed up to him and poked one of the fish, I was really impressed. Daddy took me fishing every once in awhile but we never kept what we caught, we always threw them back, so I hadn't seen that many at once.

"Hey, Dale, when's the last time you oiled those line reels? They are a disgrace," Andrea said with a smile.

"I, uh . . . I don't want to alarm anyone . . ." Dale said from behind me, "but we may have a bit of a problem."

I turned, knowing he was talking about Jim but I wasn't sure why. He gestured to where Jim was and the others followed the gesture, confused.

Shane walked over, holding his hat in his hands. The first thing I noticed was his bruised knuckles, slightly bleeding. I knew immediately what that meant. _Someone got beat._

* * *

I was starting to feel more and more annoyed with each passing minute. Anything these people said or did, made me confused. I understand it, I do, I'm a kid, no one tells kids anything. But today, it was really starting to get to me.

First, there was the confusion when I learned why Merle hadn't really come back, then there was the confusion Shane _oh-so-beautifully_ bestowed upon me when he gave me his scolding. I had done more than enough, disobeyed enough, hell, how much disrespect had I shown this man?

Obviously not enough, I thought. I was glad I hadn't really gotten in trouble, I just didn't understand why he was sparing me the beating, _I deserved it didn't I? Was it because he wasn't my Daddy? Was he waiting for Daddy to get back so he can deal with me himself?_

Then there was Shane's bruised knuckles, I remember him telling me I didn't have to worry about being beaten. But seeing his knuckles told me otherwise, if someone got beat, why didn't I?

The most reason cause of confusion, was half the group standing on the hill, watching as Shane attempted to coax the shovel out of Jim's hands.

 _What's the problem?_ Guy _wants to dig, let him dig._

"Jim," Lori said, stepping forward, "they're not gonna say it so I will. You're scaring people. You're scaring the kids."

I glanced at Carl, then at Sophia. How was he scaring us? She think we're scared of dirt?

Jim shook his head, "they got nothing to be scared of. I mean, what the hell, people? I'm out here by myself. Why don't you all just go and leave me the hell alone?"

I glanced around at everyone, attempting to read their expressions, wondering if they were going to do as he requested.

 _Guess not._

Shane took his hat off and ran a hand through his hair, "we think that you need to take a break, okay? Why don't you go and get yourself in the shade? Some food maybe. I'll tell you what . . . maybe in a little bit I'll come out here and help you myself. Jim, just tell me what it's about. Why don't you just go ahead and give me that shovel?"

"Or what?" Jim said angrily.

"There is no or what," Shane shook his head calmly, "I'm asking you. I'm coming to you and I'm asking you, _please_. I don't want to have to take it from you."

I decided to tune them out, I was annoyed and, as always, confused. Why couldn't they just leave him alone? Maybe he just wanted to keep himself busy. I couldn't count the times I found myself bored, being at this camp for so long.

Thinking about it, I realized how I hadn't really seen Jim around camp a lot. He usually kept to himself. When he didn't, he was helping Dale fix the RV, sometimes he just sat in silence. I hadn't paid much attention to him.

Looking at my feet, I realized how tired I felt. I decide to just go and stay in Merle's tent, he said I could sleep in there if I wanted to. I hoped they'd leave me alone. I was about to turn and leave when I heard the struggle, I watched as Shane tackled Jim to the ground.

I felt angry, I wasn't sure what to do, but I knew better than to do anything this time. There wasn't anything I could do anyways.

"It's okay, Jim, nobody's going to hurt you, you hear me?" Shane told Jim, holding him down, pressing his face into the ground.

His face scrunched up, voice cracking as he spoke, "That's the biggest lie there is. I told that to my wife an-and my two boys. I said it a hundred times . . . It didn't matter. They came out of nowhere, there were dozens of 'em. Just pulled 'em right out of my hands . . . You know, the only reason I got away was 'cause the dead were too busy eating my family."

I backed away and turned around, not wanting to hear anymore. I pushed passed the the people around me and went back to camp.

* * *

The group walked back to camp shortly after I did. I watched as Shane led Jim to a tree, and tied him to it. I kept my distance away from all of them. Lori and Carol brought a small wooden table out. They gave their children each some paper and sat with them at the table.

Lori was reading something while Carol was silently watching Sophia. Shane was crouched in front of Jim, and Dale was standing over the two of them.

I heard hushed voices behind me so I turned to them, Andrea and Jacqui were close to the RV, talking quietly.

"I'm not saying he didn't deserve what he got," Jacqui said, holding a hand up, "but did you see the look on Shane's face? I was afraid he wasn't going to stop."

"I don't agree with how far he took it, but we can't really say much. Ed's been a problem for a while now, he did something about it." Andrea replied.

 _Ed? That's Sophia's daddy, isn't he?_

Jacqui scoffed, "you think that'll stop Ed?"

Andrea shook her head, "maybe not, but he'll be off his feet for a couple days. I can't imagine him trying anything with anyone else around again."

"We'll see."

 _So Ed is the one who got beat._

"Sweetie?" I heard Lori speak. She called out a few more times. I turned my head to her, seeing she was look at me, trying to grab my attention.

"Why don't you come over here?"

I stared at her with my arms crossed, " _why?_ "

"Come on." She coaxed.

I pressed my lips together, groaning in annoyance. I walked toward as she pulled an upside down, blue plastic crate beside Carl.

"Sit here," she patted it.

"Why?" I asked again.

She gave me a firm stare and I did what she said.

"Hey," Carl smiled, then turned back to his paper, scribbling something down with a pencil.

"Hi," Sophia said, sitting across from me.

"Uh, hi." I said awkwardly.

A sheet of paper was placed in front me along with a pencil. The paper had a couple paragraphs of words on it, all spaced out across the paper. There were lines that were blank. I stared at it, then at Carl's, then Sophia's. The papers all looked similar, except Carl's and Sophia's had their writing in the blank spots.

I looked up at Lori, "the hell is this?"

"Homework," Carl grumbled.

 _Homework? Why is she giving me homework?_

Lori's eyes were wide, angry, "don't curse."

"Hell?" I repeated, confused. "Hell ain't no curse word. _Fuck's_ a curse word."

I heard a small laugh escape Carl and I turned to him. His lips were pressed tightly together in a smile, his eyes caught his mother's glare and his smile disappeared.

"Don't give me that attitude, and you don't talk that way," Lori scolded. "I don't want to have to tell you again. Now just do the work."

"But I can't."

"Yes you can, don't you want to be caught up when you go back to school?"

"Daddy says school's a waste a' time."

Lori is silent for a moment, her face tense, "just give it a try."

I looked down at the paper. I looked at Carl's as he scribbled the pencil onto the paper. I picked up the pencil, struggling to hold it the same way he was.

"What am I s'posed ta do?" I asked her.

She pointed to the paragraph at the top of the page, "says so right here, hun."

I stared down at the paper. Frustration filled me, a sick feeling burning in my stomach.

"Sorry if I scared your boy, and the girls," Jim said loudly for us to hear.

We all looked at him, and Lori shook her head, "You had sunstroke. Nobody's blaming you."

"You're not scared now, are you?"

"No, sir." Sophia said while Carl shook his head.

"What about you?" Jim rose his eyebrows at me, "are you scared?"

"Ya ain't scary." I said.

"Glad to hear it, the sun just cooked my head is all."

"Jim, do you know why you were digging? . . . Can you say?" Dale asked.

"I had a reason, don't remember. Somethin' I dreamt last night." Jim looked at Carl, "your dad was in it, you were too, you were worried about him. Can't remember the rest . . . You worried about your dad?"

At the mention of Car's dad, my chest tightened, the sick feeling in my stomach grew. I looked back at my paper, staring down at it as I listened to them speak.

"They're not back yet," Carl said quietly.

"We don't need to talk about that," I heard Lori say quickly.

"Your dad's a police officer, son. He helps people, probably just came across some folks needing help, that's all." Jim went on, "That man, he is tough as nails. I don't know him well but I could see it in him . . . Am I right?"

Shane nodded, "oh yeah."

"There ain't nothing gonna stop him from getting back here to you and your mom, I promise you that."

Tears burned my eyes, I clenched my teeth, feeling angry. I was suddenly aware of how close everyone was to me, their presence becoming overwhelming. Looking at the paper Lori had given me, was not making me feel better, only worse.

I angrily slammed my hand flat onto the table, sliding the paper away from me roughly making it fly into the air.

"This is fucking _stupid_ ," I said angrily and stood up abruptly, knocking the crate down in the process.

I could feel everyone staring at me as I stormed passed Jim, Shane, and Dale, toward Merle's tent.

When I approached the Dixon's brothers camp, I stopped myself. I didn't want to sit and hide, I felt to angry and restless. _Why aren't they back yet?_

 _Why isn't Daddy back?_

 _Why did Carl's dead dad come back but mine hasn't?_

"Stop it," I scolded myself, wiping the tears away with my palms, "ya ain't no baby. Only babies cry. Just stop."

I couldn't be there, not in Merle's tent, not in camp, I didn't even want to look at anybody. I wanted to scream and I didn't know why, I didn't understand why I couldn't just calm down. I was angry that Daddy's absence forced me to stay.

I turned away from the Dixon camp and went toward Shane's tent. I went behind it to where I hid my stuff, and unburied it. I took one of my knives out, and began reburying everything.

"Hey, wanna tell me what that was about?"

I froze, then slowly turned. Shane stood a few feet away, his cap on his head and hands on his hips.

I stood up and turned my body all the way around, standing in front of my hiding place. I held the one knife I had taken out behind my leg.

"What's wrong?" Shane's eyes trailed downward to the hand I held behind me, "what you got there?"

"Nothin'."

He raised his eyebrows, "gonna tell me what you're doing over here?"

" . . . No."

He stepped forward, reaching a hand out, "come on now, show me what you're hiding."

I stared at him, and he stared back.

"You aren't in trouble. It's okay, hand it over," he said with a firm voice.

I knew he wasn't going to let it go, I pulled my knife from behind me and put it in his hand. I watched as he inspected it, shocked and confused.

"Where'd you get this?"

"I's mine."

"Did you take this from someone?"

"No."

"Did Dixon give it to you?"

"No, i's mine," I repeated, annoyance lacing my tone.

He was quiet, turning the knife over in his hand, "are you hiding anything else?"

Panic filled me and I didn't respond. Shane stared at me and again, I knew I didn't have a choice.

I turned around, grabbing a part of the knife sheath that wasn't completely buried and pulled it from the dirt. Luckily, everything else was covered but I wasn't worried about anything but the knives.

Shane stared at the object skeptically as he took it from me.

"This is yours?"

I nodded.

"You've been hiding these since we got here?"

Again, I nodded.

"Why did you hide them?"

"Daddy says lil' girls ain't s'posed ta 'ave weapons, but 'e won't raise no pussy. Tha's why 'e teaches me guns n' stuff."

His gaze shifted from me to my knives several times, his features showing disbelief and confusion. His eyes finally rested on mine, his jaw tense, deep in thought. Shane bit his lip and looked around, then back at me.

"Do you use these? Do you throw them?"

I gave him a shrug, looking at my feet, "Daddy showed me a lil'."

He sighed, "your dad . . . He-you . . ." He trailed off, at a loss of what to say. "Do you know how to use them?"

"I can throw 'em good," I said quietly, "Merle's been teachin' me ta sink 'em."

I'm internally panicking as he began to shake his head, staring at the knives in his hand once more, "I-I don' throw 'em in camp, I'm real careful, I don' aim at no one. I-"

"-But you know how to use them properly?" He asked, his tone careful.

I nod and began to lower my head again, but he suddenly held both his hands out to me. I eyed him as he held a knife in one hand, and the rest in the other.

Slowly, I take them both from him, "ya ain't gonna take 'em 'way?"

He shook his head with a sigh, "no, you seem to know how to be responsible with them. I don't think you'll hurt anybody and it doesn't look like you'll hurt yourself . . . Is that what you're doing when I can't find you? Practicing with those?"

I shrugged, "sometimes."

"Is that what you were going to do now?"

I shrugged and looked away. I suddenly remembered both Daryl and Merle telling me not to leave. Neither of them were here, so it didn't seem to matter. But it made the idea to leave much less appealing.

"I'll tell you what," he said, taking his hat from his head, "it's getting late now, and I have some stuff to do, but tomorrow I'll take you out. You can show me just how good you can throw them."

I stared up at him with a blank expression, I wasn't expecting any of that. The panic and frustration seemed to suddenly disappear.

"But for now, why not stick those in the tent. We're gonna go clean those fish Andrea and Amy caught, you can help if you want."

"What ya gotta clean fish for?"

"Well, we have to eat them don't we?" He chuckled, "come on."

I thought about it before following him and then going into the tent. I placed the sheath with my five knives in my cot. I stared at the one in my hand that had be unsheathed. It felt weird to leave in there after hiding them for so long. I thought about bringing it with me but I doubted Shane wanted me carrying a knife around. I considered hiding it but my knives wouldn't stay in my waistband without falling out anymore, and the sleeves of the pink shirt Merle gave me were too big.

I looked down, seeing the black long-sleeved shirt I was wearing before. It was carefully folded beside my cot and I knew the ladies must have washed it last time they did laundry. I took the pink shirt off, and put the black one on. It felt weird, the sleeves of this shirt were always a bit tight and I was now accustomed to the loose fitting one.

I slipped my knife into my left sleeve. I wasn't planning on going anywhere, or really using it. But I did feel more comfortable carrying one around, especially now since I had to leave the rest of them somewhere I wasn't used to.

I stepped out of the tent to find Shane waiting for me. He glanced at my change in shirt and nodded at me. He began walking and I followed him. Walking through camp, I caught sight of Carol sitting outside of her tent in front of her husband.

I glanced over at the table where she, Lori and the kids had been before. Sophia wasn't in sight but Carl was with Morales and his kids. Looking back at where Carol was sitting with Ed, she was dabbing a cloth over the one side of his face. As we walked by, I was able to get a better view. At the sight, my stomach did a flip and I bit my lip.

The left side of his face was bloodied and badly bruised, the bruises were turning a dark purple and the whites of his left eye were red.

My eyes went to Shane's hand, after thinking about it, I glanced up at him. "Was Ed bad?"

Shane looked down at me, then over at Ed, "Ed was way out of the line and I lost my cool there . . . I'm not proud of it . . ."

"You said I was outta line. Am I-"

"-That's different." He snapped, "he's a grown ass man he should know better."

I looked away, I still didn't fully understand how Shane's mind was working.

* * *

Apparently, _cleaning the fish_ hadn't actually meant cleaning the fish. Cleaning, for some odd reason, meant skinning them. Carl sat beside me, beside him were Morales' kids. He was talking to them in a foreign language I didn't understand, but the way he was gesturing with the fish, I guessed he was showing them how to do it. But it didn't look like he was planning on giving them a knife anytime soon.

Jim was helping too, Shane had checked on him and decided he wasn't a danger to himself or others. Again, I didn't understand what went wrong with Jim. Jim was quiet the entire time, focusing on his fish. I watched as Shane sliced the fins off the silver coloured fish.

When he gutted it, Carl leaned back, "that's so gross."

I glanced at his disgusted face but didn't say anything. It was obvious he wasn't used to this kind of thing, I wondered why his Daddy never showed him stuff like this. I had never seen a fish get cleaned and gutted either, but I'd seen plenty of other animals meet that fate.

I realized for the first time that I would actually be eating fish that night, I never had before. When Daddy took me fishing, which was a rare occurrence and only to pass the time, we always threw the fish back.

I asked him before if we could ever have fish for dinner one day, he said fish made him sick. So, I let it go.

"You didn't come to catch frogs," Carl said, turning to me.

I shrugged.

"We didn't find any anyways, it sucked. Mom said it's okay for me to go fishing with Andrea and Amy, you should come to. I'm going to try and catch a really big one."

Shane looked up from his task, "you two have been getting along, huh?"

"She doesn't like to talk," Carl said.

"I saw you two talking yesterday," Shane said, smiling a little, "she's just getting used to us, that's all."

Carl looked at me, "You don't have to be sad, you know."

I stared at him, struggling to keep my expression blank. I remembered him saying something similar the day before. Whether I chose to show it or not, I knew he was right, I was sad. I wanted to be home, not here. Being so confused all the time made me feel stupid.

"I'm sure your dad will come back, mine did."

"Carl," Shane said, his voice low.

"What?" he glanced at Shane and back at me, "You don't know if he's dead. We thought mine was, and he came back."

The corner of my mouth lifted in a small smile. He was right. I had been waiting for weeks, I shouldn't have much longer to wait. He'd be back soon, and we could go home. Thinking about it, as much as I wanted to leave, I felt like I almost dreaded his return. I wanted him to come back so I could leave, so I didn't have to be around so many people I wasn't used to.

But at the same time, I almost hoped he wouldn't come back.

What's wrong with me?

Carl stared, his smile wavering. He was trying to make me feel better, but obviously wasn't sure if it was working. He waited, looking somewhat patient. I thought about what to say. He was trying to make me happy, I thought maybe I should return the favour.

"Can I see your comic books again?"

Carl's eyes and smile widened simultaneously, "yeah! Come on. Bye, Shane!"

Carl stood up, jogging in the direction of his tent. I followed him, thinking that, for once, it was a good thing he was so easily excited.

* * *

In the next hour or so, I learned something else about Carl. The more excited he was about something, the faster he talked, as if he couldn't wait to get the words out.

We were sitting right outside of his tent on the ground, his pile of comic books between us. It was starting to get dark and I knew that very soon, we wouldn't be able to see the pictures well.

Some of the books were about the same characters, but different stories. He explained each character of the comics, each time picking up one of the books and flipping through the pages to show me his favourite parts.

It was easy to tell his most favourite characters and most favourite parts by how fast he talked, he would get so excited some of his words would meld together. I didn't mind though, it seemed he didn't have a lot of people to share this with and I guessed that was why he got so excited.

I didn't understand a lot of what he said about the comic book characters, but I didn't stop him or ask questions. He was happy and it felt contagious.

Apparently, the shirt he usually wore with the pawprint, was a reference to one of his comic books; _Science Dog._

To be honest, I thought it sounded really stupid. But again, I kept my mouth shut.

I wasn't fully listening to Carl, I was flipping through one of the comic books, slightly squinting my eyes against the darkness. After a few minutes, I realized how quiet it was and looked at Carl, to see he had stopped talking.

"What?" I asked when I found him staring again.

"You weren't really going to shoot him, right?"

I had forgotten he might've seen that. I wasn't sure why I thought he hadn't, everyone saw it.

"Nah," I said, looking back at the comic book in my hands, "woulda missed anyway, my aim ain't worth shit."

I watched his expression from the corner of my eye, hoping he would buy it. I was standing a foot away from him, no way would I miss that shot.

"Hey, you two."

We both looked up at Shane.

"Fish is ready, everyone's set up by the fire, come and get some."

I immediately stood up, placing the comic book in my hands aside. I was enjoying Carl's company, but not the direction that conversation was going, I was relieved to end it. Before I could walk away Carl stopped me.

"Wait for me," he said.

I watched as he picked the comic books up and retreated into his tent. I waited until he came out and closed the tent and we walked toward the group together.

"Wanna sit with me?"

I shrugged, then followed him when he sat beside his mom. Jim and Morales were handing out paper plates with the food, Jim smiled and nodded at me when he gave me mine. The smell of the cooked fish filled my nostrils.

Carl was already devouring what was on his plate. The others were talking, some laughing. I stared down at the cooked meat, a little skeptical. I didn't mind trying new things, but I didn't have to do it often. I wasn't fond of the smell either.

"What's wrong?" Carl asked, his mouth full. "Have you not had fish before?"

"No, Daddy says fish makes 'im sick, so we don' eat it." I said, placing the plate on my lap. I used my hands and ripped a small piece off of the meat and placing it into my mouth. The taste filled my mouth, I didn't mind it but I didn't love it either.

It was a nice change of pace from the squirrel and rabbit. A tickling sensation started on my tongue, turning into an itch. After chewing I swallowed the fish. The piece of meat seemed to get stuck in my throat, I tried swallowing again but failed. I began coughing and my tongue felt as if it were numb, it burned and itched badly. My eyes watered as I coughed, trying to force the fish out.

The coughs came out harsher and I struggled to catch my breath, trying to breathe through my nose but each cough interrupted the attempt. My chest tightened and I grabbed my throat, hoping it would help it some way.

I panicked, not sure what to do and I couldn't figure out how to breathe. I felt a small hand on my shoulder and looked at Carl, tears blurring my vision.

"Mom! Mom! I think she's choking!"

Through the tears I could see Lori gently pushing Carl out of the way, Lori placed both hands on the side of my head, "sweetie, hey, can you breathe?"

I shook my head. I felt the meat loosen in my throat and I bent over as it freed itself and fell onto the ground. I heard Lori sigh with relief but I didn't feel any better. My throat felt tight and numb, I struggled harder to breathe. I looked at her with wide eyes, pleading for her to help. Tears streamed down my face and my nose began to run.

"What is it, what's going on?" I heard Shane say as he appeared beside Lori.

"I-I don't know, she can't breathe. She's swelling up."

"Is she okay?!" I heard Carl yell out, but I couldn't see him.

A woman came up to me, I recognised her as Morales wife. She came close to me, hurriedly pushing Lori out of the way. The woman stared at my face for a moment before standing up, "Diles que hagan espacio, que tiene una reacción alérgica. Quédate con ella y trata de tranquilizarla, yo voy a buscar los remedios de Eliza."

Morales wife turned and ran away, I grabbed whoever was beside me, digging my nails into their arm while I tried to breathe. Looking up I could see it was Shane.

"Miranda says to make a room and to try to calm her," Morales said, coming forward, "she's having an allergic reaction."

"What do we do?" Lori asked as the dark haired woman moved away and out of sight.

"She's going to go get Eliza's shot," Morales knelt down to me, gently grabbing my one leg and laying it out. I could feel my face start to heat up, the pressure in my face building. I began to flail about trying to breathe.

"Hold her still," Morales said. Shane pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around my chest, panicked and confused I struggled harder.

"Shh," Shane squeezed me against him while Morales held my leg.

I could see the panic in Morales eyes, but he smiled, "hey, just keep calm. You'll be fine, alright? I need you to hold still."

I shook my head, not being able to keep still if I tried. I needed to breathe and couldn't understand why I wasn't able to. My legs began to feel weak and I felt lightheaded. Miranda, Morales' wife came to Morales and handed him some something. Morales held down my leg with one hand, taking the object to his mouth and ripping off what seemed to be a blue cap.

Morales arm goes up, lifting the object in his hands. Looking at the object in his hand, I see a bit of orange before his hand slammed down onto my thigh.

* * *

My eyes slowly opened, the first thing I saw was the campfire. I blinked hard, my head was pounding. I felt warm and I was leaning into something. Looking down, I could see arms wrapped around my stomach.

"She's awake."

I looked to my right to see Morales smiling at me, "how are you feeling?"

I scrunched my eyebrows together, I looked above me, seeing it was Shane that was holding me.

"The Epi-pen," I heard Lori say, I couldn't see where she was, "you said it was Eliza's?"

"Yeah, she has a bee allergy. We haven't had to use it yet."

I pushed against Shane, struggling to get up.

"Hey," he said, pulling me back down, "just relax, alright?"

Lori, who was on my left, leaned in close. She swept a strand of my hair behind my ear, "just take it easy for a bit."

"Wha-wha' 'appened?" I said quietly, my voice scratchy. I didn't realize how sore my throat felt until I tried talking.

"You had an allergic reaction," Lori said, "has anything like that happened before?"

I shook my head, "My throat hurts."

"Here."

I turned my head to look up at Shane, Dale was behind him, holding out a water bottle. Shane took it from him and handed it to me. I took it and pushed myself to sit up straighter. I unscrewed the cap and drank from the bottle.

"Are you okay?" Carl asked. I glanced over at him passed Lori, my throat hurt and my mouth felt dry and tingly. I also felt tired and a little weak.

Lori turned to him and stroked his head, "she's fine."

"Your face turned red, like really red and-"

"-Carl," Lori warned, "leave her alone."

"I was just _saying_."

My eyes widened and I looked at Lori, "wha's wrong with my face?"

"Nothing, sweetie. You just had an allergic reaction, you're fine now."

"Wha's tha'?"

"An allergic reaction?"

I nodded, then looked behind me at Shane, "m'I sick?"

"No, sweetheart, you're just fine," Lori told me.

"Well," Morales started, I looked over at him as he continued. "An allergy is when somebody can't tolerate something. If they get in contact with that specific thing, they get sick somehow. Like when you have food allergy, your body doesn't like that food it tries to fight it back out."

"So I can't eat?" I asked, confused.

"You can eat just fine," Shane said, "but it looks like you won't be able to eat fish. Unless she was having a reaction to something else?"

Morales shook his head, "I doubt it, it looked like an immediate reaction."

"She told me her dad gets sick from fish too," Carl said.

"Allergies are usually hereditary, aren't they?" Carol asked. She was sitting across the fire with Sophia on her lap.

"Sometimes," Morales nodded.

Shane looks at Morales, "I can't even express . . . Thank you. If your wife hadn't jumped in-"

"-You don't have to say anything."

"No, I want to. Without that Epi-pen, without you and your wife . . . well, we all saw where it was going . . ."

"Just be thankful this happened now," Dale said. "Better we know now than later on."

I lightly pushed myself off of Shane, putting the water bottle aside and leaning forward, away from him. I turned to him, hugging my knees, "can I go? I'm tired."

"Alright, get up, I'll take you to bed," Shane told me. I was a little disappointed, I preferred sleeping in Merle's tent, but I didn't protest, I felt too tired for it. Standing up, I swayed slightly, my legs weak from exhaustion. My left thigh felt sore, I lightly squeezed it, it felt bruised.

When I regained my balance I glanced over at the Dixon camp, wondering why the group wasn't back yet. I hoped they would both be back soon, then a thought struck me. Was it possible that neither of them would come back? _First_ _Merle didn't, what if Daryl doesn't come back either?_

I pressed my lips together, walking over to Shane's tent. Thinking about it wouldn't do anything, I would have to wait.

As I walked, I glanced behind me, seeing Shane had stopped to talk to Dale. I kept going, knowing Shane would soon follow. When I approached the tent, I walked around to the entrance. When I was about to kneel down to unzip the tent, a noise halted me. I looked into the direction in front of me, the deep growling sound repeating.

My eyes widened as a figure emerged from the darkness. It was a woman, or used to be. Her hair was long and dark, some spots on her head were bald, as if her hair had been pulled out. The corpse's teeth were bared, snarling at the sight of me. It lunged and I jumped back, hurrying back the way I came but not taking my eyes off the corpse.

I opened my mouth, about to yell for Shane when someone beat me to it.

"Amy! Amy!" I heard one of the woman scream, I assumed it was Andrea but it was hard to tell. I heard the kids screaming at the top of their lungs and Carl yelling: "Mom!"

Looking in the direction of the group, I saw more and more of the corpses. For a split second, I thought going toward the single corpse would much safer. But as I looked at it, reaching for me, more appeared behind it.

I jumped when I heard one of the guns go off. I looked for Shane and found him standing in front of Lori, who was holding Carl in her arms. Shane was shooting his shotgun at any corpse that came close.

My best bet was to get to someone. But Shane was too far and there were too many corpses around him. Morales was doing the same as Shane with his family, but all he had was a bat. That was when I remembered my weapon, I reached up into my sleeve and clasped my hand around the handle, pulling it out.

I held it tightly, my first instinct was to throw it, but I thought better of it. I still wasn't that good at sinking them, and there was absolutely no way I'd be able to hit a moving target. The knife in my hand felt so useless then, I felt useless. Without being able to throw it the knife wouldn't help.

 _Get it in the head,_ I remembered Daryl told me, I's _gotta be the brain, or it won't die._

The blade was short, to even attempt to stab the corpse where I needed to, I'd have to get really close. I had no desire to get that close, afraid it would only result in me getting bitten. And even if I tried, I was too short to reach.

Everyone had their own weapon, most had their gun. A thought struck me, I glanced at Shane with his shotgun, and my eyes found Dale, who had his rifle.

 _Not everyone has their weapons._

I thought hard, still scrambling away from the corpses. I remembered when I passed by Merle's tent, I saw his rifle leaning against it. Someone had put it there shortly after they first came from back Atlanta.

 _Not everyone has their weapons, Merle doesn't have his gun._

Luckily, I wasn't very far. I was able to get to it with little difficulty. As soon as I got to the tent, my eyes found Merle's rifle. I placed the handle of my knife into my mouth, holding it between my teeth as I hauled the large gun up, struggling to get a good grip. I hadn't expected it to be so heavy.

I turned to see three corpses advancing on me. I lifted the rifle higher, trying hard to get it into position, the weight made me stumble a bit. I checked the safety and saw it was already off. The adrenalin kicked in and helped immensely. I hadn't ever used a gun this big. I always stuck with handguns.

 _You're too weak, too tiny for the kickback, Daddy told me, it'll break ya in two_

I racked my brain, replaying every moment I had seen Daddy use this kind of gun. I had even seen Merle use it once when he took me hunting.

 _You can do this, seen Daddy do it a hundred times. Don't be weak, don't be a baby._

I backed away and aimed the gun as the corpses got closer. I used my palm and pushed up the bolt handle, it took more force than expected. Then I pulled it back a quickly pushed it into place.

I built up all the courage possible, afraid of what the kickback would do. But the dead people scared me much more. I aimed it the best I could, I didn't bother looking through the scope, they were too close and there was no time for it.

I squeezed the trigger, there was a click and then nothing. _Nothing._

My jaw dropped and I lowered the gun slightly, staring down at it incredulously.

 _It wasn't loaded._

Frustration and fear filled me as the closest corpse lunged, "Damn it, Merle!"

I lifted the gun as much as possible and swung, hitting the corpse with the barrel. It stumbled back knocking another down. I angrily threw the rifle to the ground, I knew it was a mistake as soon as I did it but I was already running. I took my knife out from between my teeth and clutched it tightly.

As I ran past, one of the corpse's hand got a hold of the bottom of my shirt. The grip wasn't too tight and I was able to tear myself away from it. Everyone was yelling, screaming. I wasn't sure how but was able to hear Shane over it all, "Everyone get to the RV! Go!"

I was already on my way when I heard him yelling, not knowing where else to go. Just as I got to the RV I was shoved hard into the side of it. Pain reverberated from my shoulder throughout my side.

A corpse had a hold of my arm with both hands, I tried pushing it back and hitting it the best I could. My other arm was trapped between me and the RV. I screamed and just as it's teeth were about to clamp down on my arm, then there was a loud thump as the corpse fell to the ground.

I looked up at Jim, he held a shovel over his head and brought it down onto the corpse's head, he did it again and again, assuring himself it was dead. I watched with wide eyes as the skull was crushed, blood splattering onto my jeans.

 _We are not taking that shovel from him ever again._

More of them came after Jim and he froze for a split second before whacking another one in the head.

Jim turned to me, "get down! Under the RV!"

As more corpses got closer, the fear overwhelmed me and I did exactly what he said. I hurried and lowered myself to the ground before rolling under the RV. I considered crawling and coming out on the other side, but looking over, I could see lots of different pairs of feet. The way they stumbled, the uneven steps made it easy to tell those people weren't alive.

I turned my head, looking back the way I had come. I gasped at the sight of one of the corpses, with long blonde, blood stained hair. Her skin turning a dull grey, her teeth blackened. She dug her fingers into the dirt, dragging herself toward me while grunting and snapping her jaws. I backed away, still clutching my knife as I sobbed. I knew I couldn't back away much, not without crawling out of the other side where more of the dead creatures could see me

 _I'm gonna die._

It got closer, very slowly dragging itself as it reached for me. I glanced at the knife and my hand, then at the corpse.

 _Kill it, you gotta kill it._

I pressed my lips together, tears streaming down my face. I tried calling out but no sound left my throat. Kill it before it kills you. I held my knife out, but quickly pulled back when the corpse snapped its teeth at me. I's gotta be the brain.

I held out my knife again with my right hand, pushing myself closer to the live corpse. I reached out as far as I could trying to get at a good angle, the corpse kept snapping at my hand, forcing me to move it away.

 _Just do it. Do it. Get it in the head. I's gotta be the brain. Get it in the head._

 _Do it!_

I yelled out as I swung the knife into the side of it's head, squeezing my eyes shut upon the impact. I could feel the soft skull break against the impact of the knife. I was too afraid to open my eyes, afraid it would somehow chomp down on my arm. But when I felt the head drop and the knife slip from my grip, I opened my eyes.

The dead woman's face was into the ground, my knife lodged into her temple. I stared, gasping for air, waiting for her to pick her head up once again. I kept watching, waiting, not trusting it was really dead.

"Please be dead," I whimpered. When nothing happened at the sound of my voice, I dropped my forehead to the ground. Trying to calm my breathing and stop my crying.

 _I killed it._ I felt the corners of my lips pull up, relinquishing the feeling of victory I had never felt.

 _I killed it._

* * *

I turned my head to the side, the side of my face lying on the ground. Listening, I noticed how quiet it was. A couple people were calling out, I could hear some crying and whimpering but there were no more gunshots, no screaming, no growling.

My mind felt foggy, it was hard to get a clear thought. I guessed it was from the exhaustion after the adrenalin wore off. It felt as if pressure was being pushed against my forehead from the inside, it didn't really hurt, it was more of a dull ache.

I could hear people talking, but I couldn't focus. I groaned, shifting my weight slightly to look at the corpse once again.

 _Still dead._

The voices seemed to get louder, and I was beginning to pull out of my incoherent state. When I was able to focus, I noticed it wasn't more than one voice that was getting louder.

"The girl, the little one!" The familiar voice yelled. I could hear someone respond, but couldn't make out the words.

After hearing several voices talking, I heard the familiar voice yelling again, "Kid! Kid! Hey, girl! Ah . . . Fuck, uh, _Toby_!"

My body shot up at my name and the back of my head slammed against the bottom of the RV With a bang.

"Ow," I dropped my body to the ground again, groaning in pain as I rubbed the back of my head. I only told one person my name the entire time of being at camp, and as far as I knew, he wasn't here.

I jumped when the corpse seemed to move, then sighed in relief in the realization that it was being dragged backward. When the corpse was out from under the RV, I could see the outline of someone's head peeking under the RV. It was too dark to make out whose head it was. I squinted as a bright light was shone in my face. I attempted to block it with my hand as I tried to see who it was.

"Hey, I got her! Under the RV!" Jim yelled.

My eyes began to adjust to the light and I could sort of make out Jim's face. Another face appeared beside his and my eyes widened.

We stared at each other for a minute before he huffed in frustration, "the hell ya waitin' for? You comin' out or ya gonna stay there all night?"

I pushed against the ground with my knees and used my elbows to drag myself toward Daryl and Jim. When I got close enough, Daryl and Jim each took one of my arm, helping me up. When I was standing up straight I looked Daryl up and down, besides some blood on his clothes, he looked fine. Looking around I spotted T-dog, Glenn and Rick. Rick was holding Carl in his arms, Lori beside him. Shane was near them, when he spotted me he hurried over. But I didn't see Merle.

"She alright?" Shane asked in a hurry as he got close, "are you hurt? Bit?"

Just as he approached, Daryl blocked him, placing both hands on his chest and roughly pushing him back, "back off, asshole."

Shane furrowed his eyebrows, squinting at Daryl angrily, "hey-"

"-You were s'posed ta be watchin' 'er! Where the hell were ya, huh?"

Shane didn't say anything. He looked away, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye. Daryl scoffed at the cop and turned to me. He roughly grabbed my arm and pulled it up, twisting it around, searching. For a second, I was scared he would try and roll up my sleeves, but he didn't.

"Not bit, are ya?" Daryl asked in a low voice, dropping my arm and checking the other.

"No," I answered. He seemed to ignore me as he tugged my shoulder, glancing down at my back. He then crouched lower, checking my legs.

When I looked down at him, my eyes found the corpse that had been dragged out from under the RV.

"I killed it."

Daryl stood up, finished his search, "what?"

I pointed at the corpse. I could feel the corners of my mouth lifting up in a smile, showing him my accomplishment, "look."

Daryl glanced over at the corpse, his eyebrows came together and he brought his foot forward, kicking the corpse over onto it's back. The handle of my knife stuck out of the side of it's head.

"This ugly skank?" He asked, sounding disgusted.

I nodded, my smile grew wider, "Yeah, this skank. Got it in the head, jus' like ya said ta."

Daryl didn't say anything, he placed his foot on the corpse's face and bent forward. His hand wrapped around the handle of my knife and he yanked it out. He stood up straight, staring at the bloody knife.

"I killed it," I said again, almost not believing it.

Daryl glanced at me and scoffed, "the hell ya want, a gold star?"

I pressed my lips together and didn't say anything. Embarrassment filled me, making my cheeks flush. He brushed the knife against his shirt, wiping most of the blood off before holding it out to me. Reluctantly, I took it from him.

"I remember my dream now," Jim said, "why I dug the holes."

Someone started screaming and Daryl grabbed my arm, roughly pulling me into his side. A short distance away, behind some of the people was Andrea, screaming at the top of her lungs. A blonde corpse was over her, body covered in flesh blood. I stared, trying to figure out why the corpse was so familiar.

 _Amy_

Andrea did her best to fight her sister off, screaming and sobbing. Morales ran up with his bat, and sung at Amy's head. Amy practically flew off of Andrea. Morales hurried toward the corpse then brought down the bat on her head once again. As Morales continued, trying to fully kill the corpse, Andrea sobbed and screamed her sisters name.

Everyone but Andrea was quiet. Lori went up to her and crouched down, attempting to comfort her. After the initial shock wore off of what happened, I grew worried and glanced around camp again. When I didn't find who I was looking for, I pulled away from Daryl his grip still tight on my arm.

"Where's Merle?"

Daryl looked off into the distance, "didn't find 'im."

 _Huh?_

"Wha' you mean?"

"Didn' find 'im," he growled out, releasing my arm, "wasn't there."

 _Wasn't he handcuffed? How far could he go?_

"Is 'e comin' back?" I asked after a while.

"Stop askin' questions," Daryl said angrily. I lowered my head. Anxiety built in my stomach, thinking about what happened, thinking about Amy, thinking about what could've happened to Merle.

 _I wanna go home_

* * *

After some of the people calmed down, and were a little confident we had killed all of the corpses, they started figuring out what to do. It was late at night so they planned sleeping arrangements, no one felt safe. Shane and some of the rest decided they would switch shifts and take watch over the camp, two people at a time. Then in the morning, when they could see better they would take care of the bodies, but before anyone went to sleep, they had to take care of those who had been bitten and died, those people would turn into walking corpses.

They were going to send the children, including me to our tents with an adult while they took care of those who had been bitten. But Lori had spoken out on how she didn't feel it was safe, and several agreed. They came to an arrangement to put all the kids together in the RV.

 _Including me._

Me and Eliza got the bed, while Carl and Louis slept on the floor. Sophia wasn't in the bedroom part of the RV, but on the couch by the door with her mother. When we first came in, we could hear both of them crying for a while, then the sobs seemed to die down. I guessed they might've fallen asleep.

I wasn't sure how they had slept, but they did. Carl was beside me, lying on the floor, I was on the bed. Louis and Eliza slept fine, but Carl moved around a lot. I had felt so tired before, I had left the campfire ready to sleep, not caring where or if I woke anyone up with my nightmares. But after what happened, I was wide awake, so awake I wondered if I would ever sleep again.

Light shone through the curtains when dawn broke and I sighed.

"You awake?"

I jumped at the hushed voice, startled. I looked down at Carl to see him looking up

"Yeah."

Carl sat up, "I can't sleep, I've been trying. I feel tired but . . ."

As he trailed off we heard voices coming from outside. We didn't hear the exact words, but it was enough to know some people were up now.

"Do you think they'll let us out now?" He whispered.

"Nah, they gotta move the bodies."

We're both silent for a moment, listening to the movement outside.

"Are you scared?"

I didn't say anything, I just stared at the ceiling. I was, but I didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to be weak, I thought if I pretended not to be scared, I wouldn't be. Carl was sitting up, staring at me and waiting for his answer, but I didn't look at him, trying to indicate I wouldn't answer.

"Is your name Toby?"

My attention snapped to him, shocked and confused. After thinking about it, I remember that Daryl had called out my name when I was under the RV. I made a mental note to ask him how he knew later.

I sighed, "yeah."

"Isn't Toby a boys name?"

"You ask a lotta questions," I said.

"Just wondering," he said quietly.

"Well, stop. I's annoyin'." I told him, turning back to look at the ceiling.

"One more?"

I sighed and looked at him again, raising my eyebrows expectantly.

"Why wouldn't you tell anyone your name?"

I thought about it, "didn' think it mattered, didn' think I'd be 'ere this long either. Once Daddy gets 'ere we're goin' 'ome an' I won't see ya again."

"You're going to leave?"

"Ya said _one more_."

"Sorry," he mumbled. I watched out of the corner of my eyes as he laid back down on his sleeping bag.

Carl didn't say anything more after that. After a long while of silence, I looked over to see be had fallen asleep. I waited patiently, for something, anything to happen. The boredom was starting to get to me, I was straining my ears the best I could to try and hear the others outside.

When the sun shone brighter into the room, some voices got louder, including Daryl's. I jumped out of bed and walked toward the door, passed the couch Sophia had been sleeping on. I glanced at her, she was awake and staring at the door, startled by the sudden yelling. Carol wasn't with her anymore, I guessed she had went outside at some point.

I opened the door and stepped outside, I glanced to my right to see the commotion. Jim was sitting on the ground, leaning against the RV. Daryl was standing in front of him with a pick axe in his hands, but turned in the other direction to Carl's dad, Rick. my eyes widened, seeing that Rick had a gun aimed to Daryl's head.

Without thinking, I snapped into action, practically charging Rick. My hands pushed roughly into the man's side as I yelled, "hey, back off!"

Rick barely stumbled back a step and stared down at me incredulously, his gun still raised. Shane suddenly come toward me, his face scrunched up angrily. My confidence immediately evaporated and I backed away with each step he took

"What are you doing?! We need to have this talk again? You can't be interfering-"

Just as Shane got close, Daryl stepped in his path, "-ya gotta problem ya gonna take it up with me."

Shane stared and shook his head, attempting to push past, "this has nothing to do with you, Dixon."

"You got no right ta lose it on tha' girl, ya prick! What business you got tellin' 'er what ta do, huh?"

Me and Rick glanced at each other, both shocked and confused. Rick was beginning to lower the gun, watching the events unfold.

"What business I got? _She_ is my business. I've been taking care of her all this time she's been with us. She's my responsibility, has been since the moment I found her. It has nothing to do with you."

Daryl scoffed, "tha' some kinda joke? Ya never even know where the damn kid is! Didn' know where the hell she was las' night, she obviously wasn't very far! Ya didn' even know 'er name 'til I told ya couple 'ours ago! Tell me again, go on, say she's your business."

Shane was silent, but his the muscles in his face tensed, his eyes practically bulging out of his head. Rick stepped forward, "let's just calm down. And-"

Shane ignored Rick, cutting him off by getting into Daryl's face, seething with anger. "You're out of line, Dixon. She didn't pull any of this before. Now look at her, she started spending time with you and your brother, then all of sudden she's _hostile,_ disrespectful, she's putting herself in dangerous situations, she even pulled gun on me . . . I'm pretty sure we all know where that attitudes coming from. I wonder what you've been putting into this girls head, it certainly wasn't anything that would help to keep her safe."

"Maybe if you assholes wouldn' _attack_ me all the damn time, she wouldn' put 'erself in those _situations_. The hell ya know 'bout keepin' people safe anyway? Take a good look 'round! Do a body count yet? How many people gotta die 'fore you get your goddamn head outta your ass! They were a'ready leavin' the city, comin' within a mile close ta camp. We told ya, we said it wasn' safe! People died, tha' kid almost died under your watch. We told ya this shit would happen! This is on you!"

The impact of Daryl's words were clear in Shane's expression. His jaw went slack, lips slightly parting. Daryl shook his head at Shane's silence, then slammed the pick axe he was holding into the ground before stomping away, grumbling; "isolated incident my ass . . ."

After one more glance at Shane, who turned his attention to the ground, I quickly followed Daryl. Daryl took long, quick strides as he walked. Once I caught up, I was practically jogging to keep up.

"People left my brother for dead, they had this comin'." He said angrily, "should just fuckin' kill 'im, gonna turn anyway."

"Kill who?" I asked.

"Tha' Jim guy got bit, they won't do what needs ta be done."

When we got to the Dixon camp, Daryl disappeared into his tent. As I stood there, I glanced behind me at the RV to see they were taking the kids out. Once the kids were outside, they all watched as Rick led Jim into the RV. I look back at the tent, startled as a bag is thrown out, I wait for a minute, then another is thrown out.

I watched Daryl in confusion as he crawled out, beginning to take down the tent.

"What're ya doin'?" I asked.

"Can't stay 'ere no more, they get tha' now."

"Where are ya gonna go?"

"Hell if I know, they're talkin' 'bout goin' to the CDC, bunch of dumbasses."

"Wha's CDC?"

He hesitated, then sighed, "they make medicine an' stuff."

"Are ya gonna go with 'em?"

"For now," he said as the tent collapsed.

"Wha' 'bout Merle?"

"Wha 'bout 'im? I's 'is own damn fault, asshole, shoulda jus' fuckin' waited. Tha's all he had ta do, ain't that hard. 'e didn' think I'd go for 'im, I guess."

"Tha's stupid," I said, looking down.

"Yeah, 'es pretty stupid." Daryl rolled his eyes, "ya gonna stand there or make yourself useful?"

I nodded and placed my knife on the ground, stepping forward. I helped him fold the tent up and pack up the rest of his small campsite

"Hey, Daryl!" Glenn called when we finished, "can you give us a hand?"

I glanced over, Glenn, T-dog, and Morales were over by a pickup truck. They were lifting dead bodies that were wrapped up into the back. We lost a lot of people, I didn't know any of them. I had hardly talked to the people in camp I did know, the others I hardly gave a second glance. I didn't know any of their names either. The only person I knew that died, was Amy.

Without a word, Daryl walked over to them. I picked up my knife and began to follow him, once again jogging to keep up.

He stopped and looked at me, "beat it, will ya? Don't need ya 'round those bodies."

He walked off again and I stayed in place, feeling a little disappointed. But at the same time, I didn't want to go over to that truck.

I glanced at the RV, thinking about Jim. I was also thinking about Marcus, how sick he had gotten before he died. Twice. I looked around camp and my eyes stopped at the firepit, beside it was a white bucket. I walked over and looked inside of the bucket, there were a few left over picked mushrooms inside. I emptied the bucket and went toward the RV.

When I walked in, I didn't see Jim at first. I glanced into the bedroom of the RV, seeing him in the bed. I stood in the doorway, waiting for him to notice me. He was shirtless and there was a bloody bandage wrapped around his abdomen. HIs face was flushed and his hair soaked with sweat.

"What're you doin' here?" He asked when he noticed me, his voice weak. I glanced down at the bucket in my hands and came closer, putting it beside him. He glanced from the bucket to me, obviously confused.

I opened my mouth but closed it. Thinking of what to say or do. Seeing him in that state, made me realize how much I didn't want to be there. It made me think of what happened the night before, the corpses. They were all people before they got bit, now Jim would be one of them. I stared at Jim, then imagined him with those yellow eyes.

"Gonna need it," I mumbled, then I turned away and left.

Leaving the RV, I glanced around camp fearfully, the corpses had been moved and burned already. I kept waiting, afraid more would come. Why _wouldn't_ they? So many had shown up already. I glanced at the knife in my hands and bit my lip, deciding that I would never go anywhere with at least one of them.

I hurried toward Shane's tent and when I got there I went inside and saw my knives still on my cot. I grabbed them and put them on my leg. Adjusting the straps around my left thigh. When I felt they were tight enough I slipped the knife I had out into it's slot.

Thinking about it, I realized if Daryl was packing his tent, Shane would too. I took my blanket that was on top of my cot, it was the same one Shane had found in mine and Daddy's car. I exited the tent and went to my hiding place behind it. I unburied my hidden items, then one by one, placed them on the blanket. When I had everything, I wrapped the blanket up around the items and made my way back.

When I did, I saw the truck with the bodies driving away. Daryl was standing over by where it was, looking around camp. When his eyes found me he began walking toward me.

"C'mon," he said when he got close, "gonna go bury the bodies."

Without saying anything, I start following him. I held the blanket tightly in my arms as I followed him.

"Mister Daryl?"

"What?"

"How did ya know my name?"

He hesitated, looking straight ahead, "Merle. Talks 'bout you sometimes."

"He say anythin' else 'bout me?" I asked.

Daryl didn't answer, I continued following but he suddenly began walking toward his packed up camp. I stopped and watched him, confused, He reached into the front pocket of one of the bags and pulled something out. I squinted my eyes, not being able to tell what it was.

When he reached me, he held out the object in his hand. Hesitantly, I took it with one hand, my other hand holding the blanket against my stomach.

"Glenn found some in Atlan'na, was gonna give 'em to the kids," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "Ain't no gold star . . . but . . ."

I stared down at the chocolate bar in my hand, surprised. When I looked back up again, he shrugged.

"He woulda gave ya one anyway, jus' figured you'd be followin' me so I'd see ya first."

I gaped at him for a moment, " . . . thanks."

Daryl gave a nod and started walking in the direction the truck went. I smiled a little, tucking the chocolate into the blanket before catching up to him. When we were side by side, I was closer to him than usual, his arm brushing mine occasionally. I glanced up at him, he didn't seem to notice or mind.

* * *

I was standing beside Daryl, we were beside Morales and his family on the hill Jim had dug his holes. More had been dug, I guessed it was done earlier in the morning. The dead had mostly been placed into their graves, Amy was last. Andrea was determined to do it herself, and that was when I looked away, not wanting to watch.

Some of the people buried the bodies while the others watched in silence. I glanced around at all the people. Most of them looking down, and or crying. Sophia was with her mother, they were holding on to each other tightly, both sobbing. That was the first time I noticed Ed wasn't there. I glanced back at all the holes being refilled, realization coming to me.

I felt sad for Sophia losing her daddy and Andrea losing her sister. But not enough to cry. I didn't feel as sad as everyone else did. Instead I felt guilty, guilty that I wasn't handling it like they were.

I wondered if I should be crying too, but I felt no need to. Was I supposed to feel as sad as they were? I glanced up at Daryl to read his expression. He was gnawing at his thumbnail, arms crossed, but otherwise his expression was blank.

I had never been to a funeral before and I didn't understand it. They were dead, we knew that, why was it a tradition to stand around their graves? It looked like it just made everyone sad, I didn't see the point.

After the funeral was done, we all walked back to camp. I stayed close to Daryl and didn't leave his side. Shane told everyone to gather around the fire pit. As everyone did what he said, including Daryl, Shane, Rick, Lori, and Carol went into the RV to check on Jim.

"Mister Daryl?"

He sighed, "stop callin' e tha', gettin' my nerves."

"Sorry," I mumbled, looking at my feet.

"Wha' ya want?"

"Is it my fault mister Jim got bit?"

At first he didn't say anything, then he nudged my shoulder. I glanced up at him, his eyebrows were furrowed in confusion.

"Tha' wha' you think?"

I shrugged.

"Well stop, ain't doin' no good to anyone thinkin' tha'. Hear me?"

I nodded. A few minutes later, Shane, Rick, Carol and Lori all stepped out of the RV and joined the group. All attention was turned to Shane as he looked around at all of us.

"I've been, uh . . . I've been thinking about Rick's plan to go to the CDC. Now look, there are no guarantees either way, I'll be the first one to admit that. I've known this man a long time, I trust his instincts. I say the most important thing here is that we need to stay together. So those of you that agree, we head out in two hours. Okay?"

There was a long silence among the group.

Morales suddenly, stepped up, "We're . . . we're not going," he said, gesturing to his family. "We have family in Birmingham, we want to be with our people."

Shane shook his head, "you go on your own, you won't have anyone to watch your back."

"We'll take the chance, I got to do what's best for my family."

"You sure?" Rick asked.

He nodded, "we talked about it, we're sure. We have our things packed, we're ready."

Rick and Shane spoke to each other in low voices, then Rick walked away a couple steps to a bag on the ground. He pulled out a gun, and a small box which I guessed had bullets in it.

Both Shane and Rick approached Morales, "the box is half full."

Daryl scoffed and rolled his eyes, obviously not approving of the gesture. He turned away from the scene.

I watched as Shane and Rick shook Morales hands. Everyone gathered around saying their goodbyes. Eliza hugged Sophia and the both of them were crying, Eliza gave Sophia her doll. Everyone exchanged hugs and handshakes, I just stood, a little confused about all the gestures.

After it seemed everyone had said their own goodbye, Miranda started coming toward me, at first, I didn't believe she was coming to me, but she was.

The woman smiled and without hesitation, wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me to her. I gaped, my body tensed up, I wanted to pull away but couldn't get myself to. After a moment, she released me and smiled, her expression was soft and gentle. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to do anything, and instead of trying, I just stood there with a bewildered expression.

She didn't seem to notice as she leaned down and placed her lips to my forehead.

 _What the hell?_

She stood up straight and patted my head, then turned away back to her husband. I glanced at Daryl, who had turned his attention back to us and was staring at Miranda.

"Wha . . . why did she do tha'?" I asked him, my voice barely above a whisper.

He glanced down at me, "the hell ya askin' me for?"

A few moments later, we watched as the Morales family drove away.

Shane told everyone to get their things, and make sure everyone was ready. Someone had drove the truck back down from the hill, and Daryl opened the back of it as soon as it was parked. Nearby, he approached a motorcycle that I hadn't really seen anyone touch. I walked over as he pushed the bike toward the truck.

"Can I help?"

He sighed, "go get those bags."

I do what he said and walked over to where the packed up camp was. I dropped my blanket and did my best to carry the two bags and the rolled up tent. It didn't work out very well and I took a long time trying. In the end, I just took the two bags to him, deciding I'd just take a second trip to get the tent. When I got back to the truck, the motorcycle had been loaded into the back.

When I got to him he took both bags from me and threw them in the back. I ran back to where the tent was and tucked it under my arm, picking up my rolled up blanket with the other. I took the tent to him, and he placed it with the bags before slamming the back shut.

The next two hours went by pretty quickly, I was lost in my own thoughts the entire time, staring at the emptying camp. I was thinking hard about all of it, how dangerous it was here, why they had to leave, and what it really meant for me.

"Everybody listen up. Those of you with C.B.'s we're gonna be on channel 40. Let's keep the chatter down, okay? Now you got a problem, don't have a C.B. or can't get a signal or anything at all, you're gonna hit your horn one time. That'll stop the caravan. Any questions?"

Everyone was silent or shaking their heads.

"Toby!"

My body tensed up and I was confused, not used to hearing my name. I was away from all of the cars, but not far, sitting on the ground. I looked up at Carl as he ran up to me.

"I asked my mom, she said you can ride with us if you want."

I blinked, confused, then shook my head.

"I won't talk if you don't want me to."

"I'm not goin'."

"Who are you riding with? Shane?"

I shook my head, "I'm not goin'. Jus' told ya tha'."

He stared for a minute, confused, " _oh_." Carl turned away, walking toward the cars, he stopped to glance back at me a couple times. I watched as he went to his mother and spoke to her. As he talked, she glanced at me.

Lori told Carl something then started toward me. Carl stayed in place, watching his mother. When she got close, I stood up leaving my blanket on the ground.

"Hey, sweetie," she said, he arms crossed. "Let's get you buckled in, if you're hungry we'll get you a snack."

"Sorry," I said, "not goin'."

Daryl's truck is the closest to us. Daryl was standing near it and looked over, noticing me. He walked closer but not all the way, "hey! The hell ya waitin' for, gotta get goin'."

"Come on, folks." Shane called out, coming into view Rick following behind him. Shane spotted us and walked over, "you ladies ready, can't be waiting around no more."

Carl jogged over to him, walking by his side as he came close to us, "she said she's not coming with us."

Lori glanced behind her at the men, then back at me. She lowered herself, placing her hands on her knees, "what do you mean you're not going? Is something wrong?"

"I jus' can't, gotta wait for daddy."

Lori immediately stood up straight, gaping at me. She was looking at me as if I'd slapped her. I glanced around, looking at the bewildered expressions on their faces. None of them except Carl looked confused.

"Why y'all lookin' at me like that?" I said.

Lori backed away and turned to the men,"Shane . . ."

Shane ran both his hands through his hair, shaking his head, "I know, I know. Shit."

"The hells goin' on?" Daryl asked.

Shane rubbed his eyes and took a couple steps closer.

"Shane," Rick started, "do you want me to-"

"-No," Shane said, "this is my fault, I made my own bed, I'll lie in it."

Shane motioned for me to come closer and I did. When we came together he crouched in front of me, "you and me gotta have a talk."

"'Bout wha'?"

For the first few moments, he's silent, thinking hard about what to say. "You, uh, you understand why we have to leave, don't you?"

"I's not safe no more."

He gave a nod, "that's absolutely right. It's not safe here, we need to go somewhere that is safe. You can't stay, I can't allow that, no one here will let that happen."

"I gotta," I said, trying to make it clear, "I wasn't even s'posed to leave the car."

"I need you to listen to me, and I need you to understand." He said, looking down, "we can't wait anymore, it's been too long. If . . . if he . . . if he could be here, he would be. But he's not."

I scrunched my eyebrows, processing his words, "what?"

He looked up at me, his eyes were watering, "I'm sorry, I didn't want to have to tell you this."

I glanced behind him. Lori was crouching in front of Carl, both his hands in hers, she was talking to him. But Carl was looking at me. Rick is watching Shane and I with a solemn expression, then I noticed some other camp members had appeared, watching.

"We can't wait anymore, there's nothing to wait for."

I just blinked, dumbfounded, "what?"

"You've heard from Glenn and the others how bad it is in Atlanta. We were safe here until the Walkers came. You know they're dangerous, what they do . . ."

I nodded, my eyes were watering and it felt as if there was a lead weight in my stomach. I didn't fully understand what he was telling me. I just knew it wasn't good.

"Assuming . . . assuming he stuck to the road, the direction he went. He went toward the city. It's been too long, he's gone."

I stared at him, blinking at the water in my eyes, making tears spill out. I opened my mouth, trying to get words out but I had nothing to say. I didn't understand and my confusion wasn't allowing me to sort it out.

"You waited until _now_ to do this?" I heard Daryl say, "how could you not tell her this shit?!"

It didn't make sense, _why wouldn't he come back?_ And if it was possible he was dead, that one of those things, the Walkers could've gotten him. Why hadn't I thought about it _, why didn't anyone tell me?_

Then the realization struck me as hard as a brick and I began to shake. I thought about all the time I spent with these people, how they acted, how I acted.

The way Shane and Lori would look at me. Those forced smiles that looked so wrong being plastered on their faces. The way they tried coaxing me to talk with them, or the kids, or anything. I remembered the day when Amy did my hair, how happy Lori had been when I had actually talked to her. That was one of the first days we ever conversed from both sides. Then there was Dale, I liked the silence and being on the RV, everyone usually left me alone. But there was always this tension in the air, it was in the way he looked at me but I could never tell what it was. _Sympathy._

I knew they were trying to make me feel more comfortable, that much was obvious. But it went deeper than that, they were trying to keep me happy. To bond with them, to keep my mind off mourning someone I didn't know I should've been mourning.

 _"Try gettin' mad, it helps. Think about your daddy if ya have ta."_

 _"We want to help, you just have to let us."_

 _"It's a start."_

 _"I know_ its _been hard for you and I don't want to make it worse on you."_

They probably thought I had considered, that it had crossed my mind why he hadn't come to the camp. _It didn't._

Looking around at everyone, it was clear on their faces that everyone knew. No one was shocked, none of them were able to look my way. I turned my eyes to Shane's as the tears streamed down my cheeks. I could see it in his eyes while he bit that stupid lip. It was obvious, so painfully obvious. He had known from the moment he left that note.

"You didn' tell me," I said, trying to put as much anger in my voice as possible as I sobbed.

"We weren't sure," he said, his voice cracking.

"You seem pretty sure now," I mumbled.

Shane reached an arm out, about to place it on my shoulder, but in a quick motion I smacked it away. Not thinking or caring about the consequences.

Shane's voice sounded weak as he spoke, "listen-"

"Think she's heard 'nough, fuckin' asshole." I heard Daryl stomp forward. I looked up at him as he gently took my elbow, pulling me away. I wanted to pull away, to scream. I was mad at so many things I didn't even understand half of them.

Daryl stopped, "tha's yours, right?"

I followed his hand to where he's pointing, seeing it's my blanket. I picked it up, hugging it and the contents wrapped inside. I don't move or start walking again until I feel Daryl's hand press into my back, leading me away. Without questioning or looking at him, I obey.

Daryl led me to the passenger side of his truck. He took his hand from my back and stepped in front of me, opening the door. I stared at him, my eyes and nose burned, and I used my wrist to wipe the tears.

 _Stop crying, you baby. This is probably why he didn't come back. Weak._ My lip quivered at the thought as I stared blankly at the car door Daryl is holding open.

Daryl sighed, avoiding eye contact, "jus' get in, you can ride with me for now."

I shift my gaze to the road, almost believing in these last moments he would just show up.

"Jus' get in, a'right. Fuck this is so messed up. I'm sorry. Shit."

I pressed my lips together and climbed into the truck. When I was sitting in the passenger seat with my blanket on my lap, Daryl slammed the door.

I leaned my head against the window, not even thinking when several minutes later, the truck is moving. I turned to the driver's seat to see Daryl. I hadn't even heard him come in. I was thinking hard about the events the last two days. I wasn't sure how long we'd been driving when I spoke up, but I was sure it was a while.

"Why didn't ya find Merle?" I said, my voice sounding dry and hoarse.

"Bastard cut 'is own hand off," Daryl muttered.

I stared at him, my eyes wide, "Is he . . ."

Daryl shook his head, looking at the road, "jus' 'is hand. Tha' stupid asshole's fine, no one can kill Merle but Merle."

"Is 'e gonna die out there?" We had lost so many people in the last twenty-four hours, including Merle. Although, only me and Daryl seemed to notice. Merle wasn't coming back, Daddy wasn't coming back. Jim was bit.

"No one can kill Merle but Merle. 'es not dead." he repeated.

His tone sounded convinced, believing his words. _No one can kill Merle but Merle,_ I repeated this in my head several times.

Both of us are silent again, the only sound was the one coming from the car and my tiny sobs as I tried to calm them. The next little while, I kept catching Daryl looking at me, but I pretended not to notice.

"I didn't know."

I turned to him, he was still looking at the road, "wha'?"

"Tha' first day ya came with those squirrels. The way ya talked about him, sounded like ya knew. I didn't know ya didn't."

"Guess I shoulda. They all knew. Don't know why they told me otherwise."

He turned to me, biting his lip, "I'm sure . . . he woulda came back, if he could-"

"-'es not dead." I snapped. "My daddy's not dead, I know 'es not."

"What makes you so sure?"

"What makes you so sure Merle ain't?" I asked and he looked away.

"He's not dead, he's just . . . _gone_."

I thought about it before asking, "Like Daddy?"

Daryl took a quick glance at me out of the corner of his eye, but he didn't respond as he stared back at the road.

 _Not dead, just gone_


	10. The School

_"Hey."_

 _My head still leaning on the window, I slowly turned to the driver's seat. At first I couldn't make out what I was seeing, or hearing._

" _Hey," the voice said, "hey."_

 _Remembering where I was and who I was with, I began to recognise the voice. But it sounded strange, distant. It sounded like Daryl, but at the same time it didn't. I stared at him, his hands were on the wheel, not looking at me. I couldn't see him clearly, something was very wrong but I couldn't tell what it was, my mind couldn't wrap itself around the issue my brain was having._

 _Daryl turned to me and that's when I was able to see it._

 _The front of his shirt was drenched in blood, bite marks made holes in his shirt and marked up his arms and neck. I began shaking, panicking while wondering why I hadn't noticed the change. The eyes were what got to me, that was always the worst. Those cold dead eyes, the dead eyes which glowed, and moved and blinked, proving they weren't really dead. I wanted to scream, run, anything, but all I could do was stare._

 _Daryl's corpse lunged at me, grabbing my arm, shaking me harshly. A scream ripped through my throat. I thrashed my arms out, clawing at his, kicking my legs and trying to get in a position where I could get my legs on the seat to hold him back. One of my hands was able to grab a hold of his wrist and-_

"-Jesus christ, will ya knock it off?!"

I froze, staring at Daryl. His eyes were his normal blue, his shirt had some splattered, dried blood, but not as much as I had seen a moment ago. He was leaning toward me and I had his wrist in my hand.

I looked around, noticing the truck had stopped and the RV was parked in front of us, it was a lot brighter outside than it had been a moment ago.

Daryl yanked his wrist from my hand, eyes squinted, "the hells the matter with ya?"

I opened and closed my mouth, still shaking and panting for breath, "N-nothin'."

"Whole lotta nothin'. Ya fell asleep, was jus' tryin' ta wake ya up."

 _Sleep._ I squeezed my eyes closed, trying to gain my composure. _That made sense, it was a nightmare, why didn't I figure that out myself? Brain isn't working right._

When I opened my eyes, I saw Daryl staring silently at me, his expression unreadable. He glanced ahead to the RV, then opened his door.

"Gonna see what the fucks the hol' up," he muttered.

I watched through the windows as Daryl walked off around the RV. I could hear some distant chatter but stayed in place. A few minutes later Daryl came back into sight, motioning for me to get out. I did just that and went toward him.

"Somethin' in the RV broke, might be here a while."

I followed Daryl until the rest of the group came into sight, they were all gathered together. The only ones I didn't see were Jim and Andrea, I figured Jim was in the RV, but I didn't know where Andrea was.

I stopped in my tracks when I saw them, suddenly feeling sick and tears burned my eyes, remembering the events of the day. I turned my back to them clenching my fists in anger. I glanced at the truck, thinking of waiting in it, but I didn't want to be alone. Actually I did, but not that much, not with what had happened, what still could happen.

I hoped we wouldn't be stuck for too long, I didn't want to be around anyone.

"H-Hey,"

 _Oh no,_ I thought as I heard Carl's voice. I could practically feel him standing behind me. I didn't move, or make any sign to show I had heard him.

"Hey," he said, a little louder. He waited for me to say something, but I didn't, hoping he would go away.

"I . . . uh, Glenn-uh, Glenn gave me and Sophia chocolate bars. Did you get one?"

I hesitated, then nodded.

"If you want more . . . I didn't finish mine, I-I was gonna save half for later. You can have it if you want."

 _Stop being so damn nice,_ I thought in frustration, _I'm trying to ignore you._

"No," I said.

"Do you want to see my comics again? We could-"

"-Carl, go see your mother for a bit, alright?" I heard a voice say.

"But, dad-"

"-I know you're trying to help, I'm sure she appreciates it. But she's upset, just give her some time, can you do that?"

" . . . Yeah."

I heard footsteps and assumed Carl had walked away. Rick stepped in front of me, kneeling to my height. I kept my eyes down avoiding his gaze. He took off his hat, which kind of reminded me of a cowboy hat, and held it to his chest.

"I understand that I may be the company you desire least at this moment," he told me, "I understand you're going through a hard time. I'm sure you feel angry, scared, _alone_ . . . and I know that I share the blame for that. I can't very well make it up to you, or Daryl. But despite . . . despite how you feel about their way of handling your . . . situation, the people here, do care about you. If you need anything, you can ask anyone."

I turned my head, instead of looking at the ground, I was looking at the RV. _Be blank, be blank,_ I reminded myself as angry tears flooded my eyes. I did the best I could, pretending he wasn't there, that I couldn't hear him, it just wasn't working.

Thinking everything over, I wondered, _why were these people keeping me around?_ It had made sense when we were waiting for Daddy, but why didn't they leave me behind? I wasn't their responsibility, and despite what Rick was saying, I doubted anyone cared. _Why would they?_

I was just some stupid little girl they got stuck with.

Now that we weren't waiting for Daddy, it changed the situation entirely, didn't it? I thought on it more, then realized it didn't. Not if they knew this entire time. _So why keep me around in the first place? I'm not their business._

"I've known Shane a long time," Rick continued. This made me raise my eyebrows, briefly glancing at him. _Haven't they only met two days ago?_

"He doesn't feel right about the way he handled things. I'm not asking you to now, or even tomorrow, but when you're ready, I hope you'll talk to him. He wants to help, he knows you're hurt and he feels he's to blame for it. And I am sure, _in a way_ , he is. I just wanted you to keep in mind that he didn't have a hand in what happened to your father, I'm sure you know that. He shouldn't have lied-"

Suddenly, the RV door was slammed open. I turned around as most people did the same, turning to Jaqui.

"Ya'll, Jim . . ." She said, "it's bad, I don't think he can take anymore."

Everyone was silent, not sure what to say, but concern was etched into their expressions. Rick got up and walked by me, gently patting my shoulder as he did.

"Hey, Rick," Shane called, stepping out from the font of the RV. "You want to hold down the fort? I'll drive ahead, see what I can bring back."

Rick nodded and put his hat back on his head, he opened the door to the RV and went in.

"Ya'll keep your eyes open now, be right back." Shane said to us, his eyes fell on me and I looked away again, back at the truck.

"I'll come with you, back you up." I heard T-Dog say.

We waited a while. I got tired of standing and decided to sit on the ground. I thought about what I was going to do, but there wasn't anything for me to do. I thought about how long I'd be with these people but I had no way of knowing. It all depended if Daddy found us, but how could he? We were too far now, and would only go farther. _What stopped him from coming?_

He could be dead, I knew that was a possibility. Seeing Shane's face, Rick's, and even Daryl's when they talked to me about him, I could tell that was what they believed.

I wiped both eyes with my fingertips, _he's not dead._

 _Then why isn't he here?_

I shook my head trying not to think about it. But I had too, I had no idea what I was going to do. I had to live with these people now. _Would it be forever? Where could I go otherwise?_

I looked around. On the side of the road we were parked on there was hill, some tree on it and more forest area. I thought about just leaving at that moment, I doubted they wanted me around anyways. I knew how to skin if I was able to hunt down food now thanks to Merle, and though I wasn't fantastic, it was enough.

I sighed, aggravated. I never had to stay with different people, I never even slept at a different house. I was either camping with Daddy, or at home.

Hell, if it wasn't for those corpses, I would've been running up that hill. But I was too scared, too weak. I got lucky killing that one under the RV, I doubted I'd get lucky again. I had to stay with these people as long as they would have me.

 _That didn't mean I had to talk to them, right?_

I leaned forward and put my head in my hands, _what am I going to do?_

Daryl didn't seem like he was leaving the group anytime soon, even being around them he usually hung back, not talking to anyone. He was distant. I glanced up, seeing him by the group but several steps away from them, fidgeting with his crossbow awkwardly.

Maybe if I stayed around him more I didn't have to be around them, maybe they would leave me alone. I liked Daryl, but I didn't think he liked me very much, he let me ride with him, that was a good sign.

I was around Merle a lot, and Merle was the one I listened to. It made sense to stay with Daryl, didn't it? I knew I would have to be careful, I couldn't be annoying or needy. If anything I could try helping like I did with Merle. After the first time Merle took me hunting with them, he always made me release the squirrels and reset the snares while he watched. He corrected it when I made mistakes but usually I was good at it. I just had to make myself useful.

If Merle was able to find us he would let me stick around him. He always seemed fine with having me around. Daryl always seemed the opposite, whenever Merle took me hunting with them, Daryl didn't agree with it. He hardly even looked at me when I was sitting with them. Not that it bothered me, it was just a clear indication that he didn't want me around.

Daryl seemed okay with me now, he let me ride with him. But that could easily change, Daryl didn't like being around anyone, he was either alone or with his brother. Daryl had no reason to keep me around.

 _But neither did Merle._

That was true, I never understood why he kept me around, but Merle was different then Daryl. If I was going to try to stay with Daryl, I couldn't act like a whiny, annoying kid. When he decided he didn't want me around anymore, I'd be stuck with someone else. Before it was Shane who kept a constant watch on me, that leash seemed to loosen once I was around Merle and Daryl, even though he didn't like it.

Daryl seemed like the safest choice too, I remembered in the woods when the corpses came at us and he killed them all. If it came down to it, and I was sure it would, he could kill them again. I could be safe with him.

I had to think of ways to keep myself safe though, I couldn't depend on Daryl and hide every time something went bad. The last time I hid, Jim got bit. I was too short to reach up and stab them in the head, my aim wasn't good enough with my knives, I could hardly hit a tree let alone a moving target.

 _Maybe if I had a bow._ But where the hell would I even find one? I'd waste too many bullets with a gun, and I doubted anyone in the group would let me have one.

I looked at the road ahead of us when I heard a car. It was Shane and T-Dog, when they parked they told us they had found some cars and were able to siphon some gas. They pulled two red jugs from the car.

I looked back down again, drawing in the dirt with my hand. I ignore them all for a while. Everyone filled up their vehicles with the gas Shane and T-Dog found. A short while later they were all gathered in the place they were before. Rick had come out of the RV. I didn't notice them talking at first so I didn't catch the first part of the conversation.

"It's not your call," Lori said loudly, firmly staring at Rick and Shane. "Either one of you."

The two men thought for a moment then looked at each other.

"He doesn't have a lot of time left, and he can't handle the trip. We should honour what he wants," Dale said.

Rick nodded and looked at Shane, after a moment Shane returned the nod and they both disappeared in the RV. I watched as a moment later they were helping Jim out of the RV. Both of his arms were around the men's shoulders as they began walking him up the hill. I stood up as everyone followed, confused. I glanced at Daryl, he was gnawing on his thumb nail, watching them go but made no indication he would follow.

I watched the group gathered at the top of the hill, they were there for a few minutes but I couldn't tell what was going on. I wondered if Jim was turning, I didn't fully understand that process yet.

What happened if Jim did turn, _were we going to kill him? Would he try to eat us like the rest?_ Jacqui hurried down the hill wiping her eye. She went over to the RV and sat in the doorway. I stared at her for a minute, when she began to sob I felt bad for looking and immediately turned away.

I glanced at Daryl from a couple feet away, he stared up at the group, watching silently.

"Wha's goin' on?" I asked him quietly, stepping closer. He glanced down at me, then back up the hill as Rick started to come down.

"Jim wants ta be left 'ere, ain't got much time left."

 _We're leaving him?_

Lori and Carl came down next, followed by Shane, then by Carol and her daughter. As the rest started to leave I went forward toward Jim. They were all leaving him in place, and he didn't look like he had turned yet. _Were we waiting until he turned? Are we going to kill him_?

As I got closer, seeing him more clearly, leaning against a tree on the ground, an enormous feeling of guilt enveloped my core.

Jim caught my eye and watched as I made my way toward him. He seemed surprised at first but then he smiled. I stopped when I felt I was close enough, and rubbed my arm awkwardly. His face was no longer flushed, instead, the fever seemed to have drained it of all colour. The sweat more evident on his face then when I'd seen him before. I could hear him breathing, a raspy, weak sound, as if every breath was a struggle.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, looking down at my tattered shoes.

"What're you sorry for?" He asked, his voice sounding weak.

"Ya got bit cause a' me, shoulda helped, shouldn'ta hid."

"You didn't do anything wrong . . ." he said, and I looked up, "you did the right thing. What happened to-to me . . . had nothin' to do with you."

Jim leaned his head back against the tree, looking up, "don't worry about me, I'm gonna be with my family."

 _The only reason I got away was 'cause the dead were too busy eating my family,_ I remembered.

I didn't understand what we were doing, or why. I didn't understand why he wanted to turn into another one of those things. Then again, he didn't have a choice. And we couldn't stop it.

Jim's eyes opened and he looked at me, his head still facing upward, "I'm okay, I'm happy."

I stared for a minute, at a loss of what to say when suddenly, my shoulder was nudged. I looked beside me, seeing Daryl. His expression was soft, but unreadable as he looked down at me.

" _I'm okay_ ," Jim said again, "You go on now."

Daryl nudged me again with his elbow, and I saw him give Jim a sight nod. Jim smiled in return as we both turned, walking away.

"Bye . . ." I mumbled as we left him.

At the bottom of the hill by the RV, I stood with Daryl. The others were still trying to get the RV running but I hoped we could leave soon. I stared at Daryl's truck, wanting to hide myself away.

"Can go wait in the truck if ya want," Daryl said quietly.

I looked up at him unsurely, he seemed to sense my fear right away.

"I can see ya from here, you'll be fine. See somethin' call out."

I hesitated, then nodded, walking toward the truck.

After I closed the door, I looked up where Jim was. His head was still looking upward. I didn't understand why we were leaving him. H _e knew he was gonna turn didn't he?_ It seemed like he wanted to be one of those things. _But why?_

Thinking about it, there wasn't anything we could do for him. We couldn't stop him from turning, the only way to do that would be to kill him. Maybe no one wanted to do that for him, or maybe it was what he wanted.

 _He's dying anyway._

That made me think about Merle, where he was and what he was doing. _Was he like Jim?_ Dying, or maybe he was already dead. _Would he try to find the group? He would try to find Daryl, why wouldn't he?_

 _Could this be what happened to Daddy? Was he dead?_ At that thought there was a pang in my stomach, feeling as if I'd been punched.

 _He's not dead._

Then there was Merle, no one knew where he was. Would he end up like Jim, _did he already?_ Daryl seemed pretty sure he was alive, just as sure as I was about Daddy. But there was still no way we could possibly know. I had no idea about Daddy, but I wondered if Merle would go back to camp. _He would try to get to Daryl, right?_

Staring at Jim, I realised how wrong everything felt. To be here with these people, to not be at home, what happened to Jim, Merle, Amy. Those dead things walking around trying to eat us. Everything was so _wrong_. Merle and Daddy could very well be one of those things now, or on their way to being ones.

Only a few minutes later did Daryl open the driver's door, "think they got it."

"Mister Daryl?" I asked when he climbed in.

"Told ya not ta call me tha'." he said, slamming the door.

"Daryl?"

"Yeah."

"After goin' to this place, are we gonna go back to our camp?"

"Why the hell would we do tha'?" He stared at me, confused.

"Merle migh' go there righ'? Ya think 'e'll know where we went?"

"Don't."

"Are we gonna look for 'im?"

"Will ya _stop_?" Daryl said, shaking his head while putting truck in gear, "ya think these assholes gonna spend their time lookin' for Merle? They're glad 'es gone . . ." Daryl sighed and held the steering wheel tight, "Ya can ride with me, _fine_. Jus' be quiet."

I lowered my eyes to my lap, staring at my hands. My blanket with my possessions was at my feet and my knives were still strapped around my left thigh. _Be quiet, don't be annoying._

* * *

After leaving Jim, we were on the road for the rest of the day. I didn't say anything to Daryl and he didn't say anything to me either, though I could feel his eyes on me every now and then. I was exhausted, I still hadn't slept since before leaving Jim, and even though my eyelids felt heavy, and I would close them, sleep never came.

In a way I was grateful for it, knowing there was no way I'd escape the nightmares. I glanced at my hand on my lap, flipping it over, palm up to inspect it. I made a fist and and relaxed my hand, then repeated that several times. I had held onto that knife for so long, and so hard it still felt like it was there. Thinking about my time under the RV, I could feel the sensation of the knife being plunged into the skull of that corpse, I could feel the way that soft skull collapse under the impact.

It was a weird sensation, it wasn't too pleasant and it made me feel nauseous. I had killed things before while hunting. But it was never out of fear, never to defend myself against something that threatened my life, and never so close. Daddy taught me archery, that was something I was good at for a while, the only thing I had trouble with, was pulling the string back on my own. Sometimes I could do it, but mostly Daddy helped.

Killing something so close, with my own hand instead of a long ranged weapon like my slingshot or bow was a strange feeling, almost sickening. The sound and the way the impact vibrated through my knife into my hand made my stomach churn. Which I found weird considering I didn't regret it, I had to do it, it was trying to bite me. And remembering Marcus, Jim, Amy, made me regret it less. I only wished I was more able to do it on my feet, the only reason I was able to kill that corpse was because we were both on the ground.

 _I'd be dead otherwise._

It was getting pretty dark and I wondered if we would keep going, or stop for the night. My question was answered when my body jerked forward, the truck came to a halt. I watched as Dale came out of the RV. Glenn, Shane, Rick, and Lori came into sight as well. They talked with each other for a few minutes before Daryl hopped out to join them.

We were parked in front of a one-floor building, it was long and had dark coloured bricks. There was a sign and I was sure if I read it, I'd know exactly what the building used to be for. But I didn't even bother giving it a second glance, though I was curious.

I watched as Daryl, Glenn, Rick, T-Dog, and Shane suddenly separated from the group, heading toward the entrance of the building. When they got to the entrance they paused. I could see Daryl was the closest and I guessed he was trying to break the lock that may be there.

The doors opened and the four men disappeared inside. I suddenly felt really nervous and opened the door to get out. I went and stood by the RV, away from the others while we waited.

Carl was standing with Sophia, he turned around and caught my eye. When he did, he waved and I immediately looked away. Ten minutes later, Daryl and the others came out of the building.

"It's clear," Shane said, when they got close to the group.

Rick nodded beside him, "most of the building is blocked off, we only have access to one hallway. Which is more than enough."

"Someone barricaded the other hallways, we don't know what's on the other side." Glenn explained.

"Thank God for whoever did, I ain't interested in what they were holdin' off." T-Dog scoffed, "I say we leave them 'em be, don't got a reason to get ourselves killed playin' interior designer."

"Is it safe?" Carol asked.

Shane responded, "it's secure, it'll hold up."

"As long as nothing interferes, we'll need to keep quiet tonight." Rick said.

"Well, let's get what we need," Dale said, "get settled, we should leave early tomorrow."

"In the morning we can see what supplies we can scavenge before leaving. Alright, get what you need and we'll head in," Shane instructed.

Everyone obeyed, going to their cars. Dale and Glenn went to the RV. I found myself wondering again where Andrea was. Daryl started toward the truck, when he passed me I followed him. He swung his crossbow over his shoulder as he reached into the back of the truck where the motorcycle was.

As he pulled a bag out, I went around the truck to the passenger side. I had left the door open so I went in and grabbed my rolled up blanket. I slammed the door shut and walked toward the building.

Everyone was already headed toward the entrance except for Daryl. He held his crossbow and his bag, staring at the ground a few feet away from the truck. He looked up, and when he saw me he went he followed everyone else.

 _He waited._

I hurried, doing my best to catch up to him. When I did, I stayed close behind him, practically stepping on his heels. He glanced behind him at me once, but didn't say anything.

When we were inside, Glenn and T-Dog were leading the group with flashlights. The hallways were dark and it didn't make me feel all that positive about this place. Looking at the group in front of me, I finally saw Andrea walking beside Dale.

I wasn't sure how I was able to tell, but from the tiling on the floor, the posters on the walls, I guess we were in a school. The tiling were similar, though not entirely the same as my own school.

Down the hall we were walking, each door we passed was opened. I guessed it was because they were checking for corpses. When we passed another, I peered into the room. The rooms were darker but I could vaguely make out the outlines of desks.

I looked up at Daryl as we walked, I opened my mouth to ask him if I was right, but immediately thought better of it.

 _Be quiet, don't be annoying._

I kept my eyes up, staying close to Daryl as we followed behind the others. We passed another hallway but when I looked down I could see it was blocked. There were desks, chairs, boxes and many other things piled together in a way that didn't seem possible. I blinked at it, then noticed the light dimming as the group walked further.

As we continued, I slowed my pace as we passed a body. I saw the feet first and slowly kept walking, seeing more of it.

"Don't look," I heard Carol tell Sophia. But I looked.

I stopped when I got sight of the body's head. My breath caught in my throat, I wasn't even sure if it was a head. It was a mess of blood, bones and small chunks of flesh I assumed had been its brain. I my jaw had practically fallen off at the sight, I wondered why I hadn't caught the smell until that moment, but the wound itself was fresh. It was hard to tell whether the side that had been bashed in was the back of it's head, or it's face.

I practically jumped out of my skin when my shoulder was grabbed, pushing me forward roughly. I would've cried out if I hadn't heard his voice.

"I's dead," Daryl told me firmly as he pushed me onward. I swallowed, trying to suppress the fear in me. I clutched my blanket tighter, I could feel the objects I had hidden between the folds. It comforted me a little.

 _Don't be a baby, you seen plenty of dead things before,_ I scolded myself. _It ain't no different._

We reached the end of the hallway and I saw Glenn and T-Dog's flashlights on a set of double doors.

"We're gonna hold up in the Cafeteria tonight, we cleared it out." Rick informed us quietly.

T-Dog and Glenn stood at the side of the door while Rick and Shane went in. The doors were loud and startled me at first. After we followed Rick and Shane in, T-Dog and Glenn followed behind, shutting the doors and shining the light in.

The room was fairly large. The far side of the room had windows all along the one wall, and even though it was night, it gave some light. Making the Cafeteria brighter than the hallways had been. There were several tables with benches spread out across the room. On the left side of the room, where the light didn't really shine, there was a closed door. One of the benches had been placed right in front of it.

"Dale," Shane addressed, "how many of those lanterns you got again?"

"Three, I think one's batteries are dying."

"I have batteries," Glenn told him.

"Alright, let's get some light and everyone can get settled. We checked the hall and the rooms, but I think we can all agree we should keep someone on watch. We can go in shifts." Shane said.

"I'll take the first shift," Glenn said, I don't think I could sleep anyway."

Rick took a step toward Glenn, "once you start feeling tired just wake me up, I'll take over."

Shane nodded, "and I'll take over if you need me to after, Rick."

Everyone spread out, getting into a place to settle and getting out their blanket and pillow, anything they had to sleep. I passed two tables walking away from the door and stopped at another. I sat on the bench and out my blanket on the table, placing my chin on it as if it was a pillow and watched what everyone was doing.

Dale had set up three small lanterns, each spread out on a different table. Most people were lying down, trying to get settled on the floor.

* * *

After hours of holding it off, it was becoming hard to fight sleep. I hadn't actually slept since before the camp got overrun. _How long has it been? Two nights? Yes, this was the second night._ I lifted my head from my blanket and rubbed my eyes. The light seeping shining through the windows was much brighter, it was almost dawn.

I was tempted to let myself sleep, I was starting to not even care about waking the others up or getting a nightmare. I just wanted to sleep. But the stiff feeling in my legs from being in the truck all day, to sitting on this bench for the last couple hours, was becoming unbearable.

I groaned. No matter how much I stretched or kicked my legs under the table it provided no comfort. It was almost painful how much I wanted to move around.

This was actually another reason I didn't go to school that much. I could be patient, I could be quiet, but I could not sit in the same place for hours and hours on end. It was _insufferable_ , the feeling of being confined. There were times I asked to go to the bathroom just to walk down the halls or even just to stand up. But half the time the teachers just told me to _hold it._

Glenn had settled down hear the doors of the Cafeteria, sitting up against the wall. But his head was to the side, eyes closed, he had fallen asleep. He must've fallen asleep before getting a chance to wake Rick.

I clenched my fists on the table, looking everyone over as I bounced both legs. The action became erratic and I wanted to scream, my shoes on the floor made sounds as my actions sped up. I ran my hands through my hair pulling it slightly. I wanted to be outside, at home, at our last camp, anywhere. I must've been overtired, I was so exhausted but I felt as if there was energy burning through me.

As soon as the first chirp of a bird outside echoed in my ears, I swung my legs out of the bench, having enough. I went toward the double doors, trying my best to be slow and quiet, making sure not to wake anyone. Anxiety filled me as I passed Glenn, watching him closely. He seemed fast asleep as I reached for the door.

I opened one of the doors slightly, relieved to hear it didn't creak, I tried not opening it too much in case it changed its mind. When the door was open, I slid myself into the small gap, then closed it behind me slowly.

Once I turned away from the door, the smell of rotting flesh filled my nostrils. I placed a hand over my mouth again and groaned.

 _Didn't think this through very well._

I tried to ignore it the best I could, I jogged past the rotting corpse. Moving my legs and being able to move provided a sense of relief, it was nice being away from the group too. Even when they were sleeping, I didn't feel right around them. Even after so much time, nothing had eased my discomfort, and knowing now what they had known for a long time . . . that didn't make things any easier.

I felt uneasy being alone in the dark hall. It wasn't about being alone, but more of where I was. I tried reassuring myself they had checked everything, that it was safe. I decided if I found any close doors I would leave them be.

I lifted my hand from my mouth, placing it on my left thigh, feeling the edge of my knife holster. It made me feel better, even though I couldn't do much with it.

I approached a room with the door open and peered in. The room wasn't as large and didn't have as many windows. Looking around, it was obviously a classroom, but it was very empty. There were only a couple desks, one of which had been turned over, I knew right away that some desks were missing. The room was too large to have so little. I then remembered the barrier someone or someones had built in the other hallway, that was where those desks went.. At the back of the room, to my left, were a row of hooks along the wall.

I approached the hooks, walking alongside them, inspecting the couple things that had been left behind by others. There were a couple caps and sweaters, and finally, a bag. I stopped in front of the bag, it was hard to tell but it looked like a dark green colour, the hem on the seems a light brown. It was a buckled flap that fastened the backpack, I reached for it and undid the buckle, holding the flap up. I saw that which held the bag closed under the buckle, was a drawstring, it wasn't properly tied, but pulled together tightly. Holding the flap up with my hand, I pulled open the backpack, it was much too dark but there were things inside.

I glanced at the windows, then back at the bag. I took it off of it's hook and went closer to the light from outside, looking into the bag.

Just as I reached in to pull out what was inside, a voice startled me and I yelped, dropping the bag.

"What are you doing in here?"

I stared at Shane, my mouth as wide as my eyes. I was trying to think of some explanation but I didn't have one. I felt scared and cornered, not sure what to do or say. Although, I wasn't even sure if I could speak.

"You know better than to go off on your own," he said, he was angry, trying to yell while trying to whisper at the same time. It wasn't working for him very well. "How many times do we need to talk about this?!"

 _None,_ I thought. Shane was silent, waiting for my reply as that thought came to mind. My shock and fear dissipated and my anger returned. _What makes him think he can tell me what to do? What makes him think I give a shit?_

I knew the answer to those questions, and it just pissed me off more. It was because I was the kid, and he was the adult, a cop no less. It wasn't that he thought I cared about what he had to say, it was because I didn't have a choice. As long as these people were going to have me around I had to listen and do what I was told. I was okay with it, I hated it but I knew how it worked. I just hated it had to be _him_. I didn't want it to be any of them. Daryl I didn't mind as much, he was different, he also didn't seem to care so much. I couldn't imagine him doing what Shane was at that moment.

My shocked stare turned to a glare, I knew it wouldn't help my case so I looked down, trying to hide my anger. Hiding it was the last thing I wanted to do, I wanted to throw my anger into his face, actually I wanted to throw just about anything at his face.

I found it strange I wasn't scared at all, I understood my anger, but I knew what being in trouble meant, what just might happen. That was why I wasn't going to make things worse by back talking. _Why did he always drag everything out? Couldn't we just get it over with?_ It always seemed like he was saving the beating, I thought it was because we were waiting for Daddy, but now that obviously wasn't the case.

He had told me he wasn't going to do that to me, but why wouldn't he? I had given him enough reason. There was no way he was going to yell and walk away every time. To be honest it was starting to frighten me more than the actual beating, though I was relieved for it. It just felt like I was waiting for it, like he was just waiting for a better time.

 _This might just be that better time._

"Are you even listening to me?"

 _Oh, shit he was talking. Oops._ I turned my head to the side, still not looking at him, trying to ignore his presence. He rubbed his forehead with his thumb and index finger, sighing in frustration.

"Why am I even trying? Do you do this on purpose, huh? To come back on me or something? ' _You lied to me so screw you_ '? Is that why you keep doing this? You're going to get yourself killed."

I looked up at him slightly, squinting my eyes angrily. His hands were on his hips, eyes wide, once again waiting for a response that would never come.

I considered holding a blank expression like I often tried, but I was too angry. Shane could obviously see it, hell, I felt so angry I felt as if it was radiating off of me, he could probably _feel_ it.

"You don't like me," he said, running a hand through his hair, "I get that. I didn't make anything easier for you either, and you're angry. I know that. That's fine, you go ahead and be angry, but going off on your own, especially with what we've been through isn't going to do anything."

When he stepped forward, I stepped back, raising my head all the way up. I glared the best I could, though I wasn't sure how effective it would be. I know I didn't have the same effect Merle's glare did, if I did, maybe Shane would've left me alone.

Shane sighed then came forward more, crouching in front of me. "I make you feel like you wanna slap me upside the head, I'll tell you what, girl, you feel that need, you go right ahead. I'm right here."

I stared at him, confused, my eyes still squinted. Shane just stared expectantly his head tilted.

 _Wait, what?_ "Huh?"

"Let loose some of that anger, I know you wanna do it, and hell if I don't deserve it. Go on, hit me."

My anger faltered, replaced by downright bewilderment. "You're . . . You're serious?"

Shane almost looked offended, "Yeah! Go on, hard as you can."

I unclenched my fists and just stared at him, blinking. He gave me a nod, as if encouraging me. Hesitantly, I reached up, lightly tapping the side of his head.

Shane rolled his eyes, "oh, come on, you can hit harder than that. Like you mean it!"

I bit my lip, I wasn't sure if I should do what he said, or if this was some kind of test. _Would I get yelled at afterwards?_ I waited for Shane to announce the joke was over, but he didn't. Instead he just waited patiently and it didn't seem as if I was getting out of this.

I brought my right hand up then whacked him hard at the side of his head. After my hand hit him, Shane threw himself to the floor, groaning in pain. It was easy to tell his actions were greatly exaggerated, his reaction was much too delayed.

Shane was smiling slightly, trying to hide it as he held the side of his head, "ow, oh that really hurt."

With Shane still on the floor exaggerating his reaction, a smile broke onto my face. I pressed my lips tight together trying not to laugh at him.

"Ouch, that was good one." Shane started to pick himself up, stumbling slightly. I laughed a little at him, and he looked up at me. "Who knew such tiny hands were packing heat?"

Shane got up, back into his crouched position as he rubbed the side of his head, "think you may have cracked my skull."

"No I didn't!" I laughed harder and he stuck his bottom lip out in a pout.

He laughed a little and smiled again, "guess I asked for it didn't I?" He stared at me, still smiling. He ran his tongue over his chapped lips and glanced behind his at the doorway, then turned back to me.

"You should do that more."

"Hit you?" I asked smiling, still confused.

"No," he chuckled, " _smile_."

That was when reality hit me, my smile seemed to die in that moment. I looked away from him. It was as if in the last few moments everything that had happened escaped my mind, only for it to hit me in the face like a brick once again. My anger was gone, but I felt sad and a little disappointed with myself.

Daddy was gone, possibly dead, same with Merle. Amy was dead, we had left Jim behind to turn into a walking corpse. And we were laughing. I was supposed to be mad at Shane, at everybody, but it seemed I didn't have the energy at that moment.

"Listen . . . _Toby_ ," he said, and my eyes met his again, "that's your name, right?"

I hesitated, then nodded, deciding it didn't matter anymore.

Shane gently placed his hand on my arm, giving it a little squeeze, "I'm sorry. About your dad . . . I should've told you. I was just hoping I'd be wrong. I didn't want to tell you, but I should've. I screwed up. You . . . _we_ have to remember how dangerous it is out there now, what it's like, with the Walkers. What happened at our camp, it's much worse in other places. We don't know what happened to your dad, just because he didn't show . . . that doesn't mean he didn't try."

 _He's not dead._ I wanted to say, but I stopped myself. The way Shane was talking, it was easy to say he was just trying to make me feel better, trying to put my mind at ease.

Shane took a deep breath, "You're dad might not be here, but I am. I found you that day and I'll take care of you. But we need to get passed this. I'm not saying you have to forgive me you can be as mad as you want. But we need to work this out a bit, we're going to be together for a while. Just . . . help me out here, so I can help you."

I stared back at him, thinking hard. He wasn't laughing but he wore a small smile, as if trying to reassure me. That was all Shane had ever been trying to do, since the very beginning. He wanted to make me feel better, to reassure me.

I could still be angry but at that moment I wasn't, I nodded my head, returning the small smile he had.

His grin grew and he stood up, "alright then, why don't we get back? Maybe see if we have any pain killers, I seem to have this horrible headache all of a sudden."

My smile got bigger and I almost laughed but stopped myself. I raised my hand to my face, rubbing it as if trying to wipe off my grin.

"Hey," Shane said, poking my cheek. "It's okay to smile, you know? It doesn't mean you forgot about your dad."

I looked down and nodded again, my smile gone. I began to follow him out of the classroom but stopped, "w-wait."

Shane stopped and turned around. I turned and walked toward where I dropped the backpack I found. I picked it up by one of the straps and went back to Shane.

"What you got there?"

"Found it," I shrugged.

He nodded, "come on, I have something for you when we get back."

Once we stepped out of the classroom and into the hall, we both froze at a sound. The sound was quiet and distant, but echoed through the halls. It was a distant rattling, maybe tapping, and an occasional scraping of metal against metal.

Shane looked down the hall opposite to the Cafeteria and began to follow the noise, I followed after him. When Shane stopped, it was to peek around the corner where the hallway broke off into two different directions. I looked too, seeing it was the hallway with the barrier.

The barrier seemed to shaking, rocking slightly. We exchanged fearful looks, knowing very well what might be lurking on the other side. Shane put a hand on my back, pushing me back the way we had come.

Once again I followed him down the hall, this time toward the Cafeteria. Shane was taking long powerful strides, obviously in a hurry.

When we reached the double doors to the Cafeteria, Shane pushed one open, not bothering to try and keep quiet. Walking in I could see, Glenn, T-Dog, and Daryl were up. Those men, along with Rick, looked to the door wide eyed. When they realised it was Shane they went about their own business.

T-Dog and Glenn were talking in hushed voices, Daryl was shoving his sleeping bag into his bag, and Rick was kneeling over Lori, shaking her awake.

"Rick," Shane called quietly, "come here a sec."

Lori started to sit up in her sleeping bag and Rick pressed his lips to her forehead before going to Shane.

When Rick got close he glanced at me, "found her alright?"

"Huh?" Shane looked down at me, as if just remembering I was there, "oh, yeah. She-uh, she was just trying to find a bathroom. I need to tell you something though."

Rick nodded and Shane motioned with his hand for Rick to lean forward. Shane leaned in close to Rick's ear murmuring something. Rick pulled his head back when he was done.

"You're sure?"

Shane nodded, "it may still hold just fine, but we have no idea how many of them could be back there, can't risk it."

"Do you think we should get everyone out?"

"I don't want anyone to panic, and we still need to scavenge the rooms before we leave. See what we can find. I'd feel better having most of our manpower with us when we do that. If we send everyone else out, someone needs to be with them. The women don't know how to use the guns to protect the kids, Andrea is . . . dealing with stuff."

"What do you suggest then?" Rick asked.

"Keep them in here for now, close the doors. Have one man buy the barrier to keep an eye on it while the rest of us look for supplies. We need to check the office, they might have some medical supplies in there, maybe one of the rooms we cleared was a nurses office. We can't leave until we at least check it out."

"You're right, we can get Glenn to watch the barrier. He's quick on his feet, if something happens he can come running."

"Okay," Shane agreed, "We should keep quiet about this though. If they panic they'll rush out, that happens, could make too much noise. We can't risk riling them up."

"Who? Us or _them_?"

Shane shrugged, "either."

Rick nodded again, claiming he'd talk to Glenn.

Shane ushered me away, we passed a couple tables before stopping at a laid out sleeping bag, beside it was a bag. Shane crouched over the bag and dug through it, he turned to me when he found what he was looking for.

"Here," he said, holding the object out to me. The backpack was strung over my one shoulder and I almost dropped it when I realized what he was holding.

"Found it when I was packing up, thought it might be yours. Am I right?" _I hadn't even realized I'd forgotten it._

I reached forward, wrapping my hand around the slingshot. I held on to it tightly, holding it close to my chest. I nodded at him.

"Thought so. Just don't play with it, alright? Don't want noone getting hurt. While we're on the subject . . . any chance maybe we can put the knives away?"

I glanced down at my leg, then back at him, "they are away."

"I meant . . . take them off. I know you're not going to throw them at anyone but some may feel uncomfortable. If you want I can hold on to them-" Shane began to reach out but I stepped back.

"-No."

He nodded, giving up a lot quicker then expected. "Alright, maybe you can use that bag you found, huh? I'm not going to force you but I'm asking nicely. Why don't you go sit down, some of us are going to look around, see what supplies we can get."

"Okay."

I turned away and began walking. I stopped when I saw Daryl who was watching me closely, a short distance away. He walked toward me.

"Where were ya?"

I opened my mouth but closed it, afraid to answer. _Be quiet, don't be annoying._ I wasn't even sure if I should answer, so after a moment I just shrugged.

"She was just looking for a bathroom, she's fine," I heard Shane say behind me. I glanced behind me at him and he nodded at me before walking in the direction of Rick and some of the other men.

When I turned back to Daryl, he was watching Shane with narrowed eyes. He looked back at me with a firm gaze. The silence was long and awkward, I wasn't sure if I should talk, or if he was going to, or if I should just walk away.

"Tha's bullshit," he said simply.

I furrowed my eyebrows, a little confused. Rick then called out to Daryl for him to join them. At first Daryl just stared me down, as if he hadn't even heard Rick call him. His expression as usual was unreadable, but seemed a little hard. Then he turned away without a word.

 _Did I make him mad?_ I questioned, I didn't think I did anything. I hadn't even been around him since we got to the Cafeteria last night.

As I watched Daryl walk away, I saw that he had passed Shane. Shane stopped at one of the tables nearby, nudging Lori's shoulder. She was sitting at the table with her back to him. They were kind of far away but it was very quiet in the room so I could hear.

"Lori, can you keep an eye on Toby for me?"

Lori turned to him, confused, "huh?" Then she glanced in my direction and realised, "yes, of course."

He gave her a nod and walked away.

I looked around, trying to think of where to go. I saw Andrea, I didn't see her face but I recognised her blonde hair and curls. Her head was down on the table, her arms wrapped around her.

I went to the table where my blanket was, I sat on the bench and placed my slingshot on the table along with the bag I found. Now that it was brighter, with the sun rising, I could see the green was more of a khaki green.

I opened the bag, peering in once again.

"Hey."

I looked up across the table, seeing Carl. He was rubbing his eyes, obviously just waking up.

He came closer, "what're you doing?"

I looked away from him and back at the bag, "stuff." I answered, lifting the bag upside down, pouring the contents out. The contents fell onto the table.

Carl's eyes widened, "what's that?"

"Things," I answered vaguely, not in the mood for talking but I didn't want to get that sad look from him if I ignored him. Carl sat at the table across from me, looking down at what fell out of the bag.

I saw a small yellow and green cardboard box and picked it up, I was easily able to open the side to see it was filled with crayons. I pulled a couple out, seeing most were dull and broken. I put the box to the side when I put the crayons back in.

There was a small but thick book. I picked it up and skimmed through the pages, it was a colouring book. A lot of the pages were scribbled on and coloured in, some were even ripped a little

"Is all this yours?"

"Found it," I answered. My eyes caught a small plastic baggie, I picked it up, seeing several round crackers were inside.

I glanced at Carl, who was staring at the baggie. I tossed the baggie so it landed in front of him on the table.

"Not hungry?" he asked.

"Nah," I lied. I put the colouring book back into the bag along with the crayons.

I heard Carl rip open the baggie and my stomach clenched. Then one of the round crackers were being held in front of my eyes.

"We can share," Carl offered. I bit my lip and took it from him, nodding as I practically swallowed the cracker whole.

"Dad went to look around with the others," Carl informed me. "I wanted to go to. He said no."

I just watched him talk as we ate.

"I don't get why, they said it was safe. Why can't I just help? I can do stuff too. I'm not some stupid little kid."

"Tha's exactly wha' ya are," I blurted. Carl stared at me, his eyebrows furrowed. I opened my mouth stuttering over my words, "I-I didn' mean anythin' by it . . . I just meant . . . Y'know, I am too. They ain't gonna let us do nothin'."

His expression softened and he looked down at the table. Taking another bite into a cracker.

"I . . . Uh, I don' think you're stupid," I added.

"I don't think you're stupid either. But you're little."

"Shuddup," I said, smiling a little.

I took another cracker from the baggie and shoved it into my mouth. I reached for my rolled up blanket that I had pushed to the side, and without unrolling it I pushed it into the backpack.

Carl sat silently, eating another cracker. I reached under the table and began to undo the knife strap around my thigh. I had it on for a while and it was beginning to feel uncomfortable. I remembered what Shane said a short while before, I didn't want to Risk anyone taking it away from me. When the straps were undone, I took the backpack onto my lap, Carl looked around the room, when he did that I took that as my queue to put my knives into the bag. I didn't think he had noticed them at all yet.

It was hard to get them to fit at first, since the blanket was rolled up and taking up so much space. Later on I planned to take it out and fold it to make it flat, so it wouldn't seem as full.

Carl looked back at the table, about to reach for another cracker, then stopped. "We should save the rest for Sophia."

I nodded at his suggestion. When he saw I agreed he closed the baggie and put it to the side. We sat together in silence for a while. On the very far side of the room, Andrea had not moved at all, but Jacqui had taken a seat beside her, rubbing her back.

Closer to the entrance of the Cafeteria was Lori, she was sitting at a table, her back to us, talking to Carol who sat across from her. Sophia was curled up against her mother, like usual. I found it a little strange how close in contact those two always were. Then again, I found a lot of things strange about these people.

"Let's play a game," Carl suddenly blurted in a hushed voice. I turned my eyes to him to see his eyes brighten with excitement. "We can play explorers."

I scrunched my eyebrows together, "tha' sounds dumb."

"No-no it's not, it'll be fun." he defended, "we can try and find cool stuff, maybe we can help."

I looked around the room, shaking my head, "whad'dya wanna explore? There's nothin' but tables an' chairs."

Carl nodded his chin, motioning behind me, "there, that door."

I turned around, seeing the door I noticed when we first arrived. One of the Cafeteria tables were pushed against it. Seeing how the door was, it opened into the room, not into the Cafeteria, so if it was blocking something, the point seemed moot.

Carl continued as I stared at the door, "I don't think they checked it, that could be a kitchen or something. We can go and look around, see what's in there, show everyone else we can help."

I shook my head, turning back to him to see he was already standing up, "why would we wanna see if there's dead people?"

"If there were dead people we'd already heard them, don't you think? Come on, there could be food," Carl said, walking around the table toward the door.

I stood panicked, glancing from where Lori and Carol were to where Jacqui and Andrea were.

"They ain't gonna let us go," I told him, suddenly whispering.

"They don't have to know."

"Carl," I warned following him, "you're gonna get in trouble."

"It'll be fine, no one's going to be mad if we find food or something."

Carl goes over to where the door and table are and begins to crawl under the table. I whispered his name again in warning, checking on the others to see if they were watching. When I look back at Carl he's reaching through that gap between the bench and the table on the other side, wrapping his hand around the doorknob.

"I-I'm gonna tell," I bluffed. He completely ignored me and turned the doorknob, the was a click and he pushed it open. I put my hands on my head, panicking, not sure what to do. I thought about calling for Lori but I was afraid I would get in trouble to. I chewed on my lip, looking back and forth as Carl crawled through the gap between the table and stood on the other side in the doorway.

Carl glanced at me and our eyes met for a brief moment. As they did, I found myself silently begging while shaking my head; _don't do it, don't do it._

"Come on," Carl motioned with his hand before disappearing behind the door.

 _Damn it!_

I glanced back at the women, thinking hard. If they saw Carl was gone and I had just let him go on his own, I would get in trouble, if I followed him in, I'd get in trouble. If I called them over I _might_ just get in trouble.

I climbed over the table rather than under it like Carl, I slipped into the dark room, looking around. It wasn't completely dark. The light from the Cafeteria illuminated the room, along with some windows that were in there.

The place was a mess, there were papers and wrappers scattered across the floor. There was a counter with empty food dishes and I guessed this was where the food was served. Carl was a couple steps away from me examining the counter.

"Carl, we gotta go. There's nothin' 'ere."

Carl peeked around the counter and kneeled down, disappearing from eyes sight. I followed him and stood behind the counter, crouching beside him. Under the counter there were shelves and counters. Carl grabbed something and showed it to me, it was a package of a dozen plastic forks.

"We can use these," he said, not looking at me.

"For wha'? I don' think any of us got any _food_."

"Look over there," Carl motioned to the cupboards a short distance away. I sighed, aggravated and complied, thinking the sooner we get it over with the sooner we could go back before anyone noticed.

When I reached the cupboards, I noticed the smell of rotting flesh. I glanced around but didn't see anything unusual. The room was empty for the most part. I assumed the smell was coming from the open window. When I looked around I noticed another door behind me, there was an engraved sign on the door but I didn't glance twice at it.

I kneeled down again, checking the cupboards. There were some cardboard boxes that were empty and then I found some paper plates. I opened my mouth to tell Carl, but a clinking, jiggling sound stopped me.

I glanced over at Carl to find he wasn't there, then looked to see him behind me, shaking and twisting the doorknob.

"It's stuck," he complained, pulling at it. I was about to tell him to leave it alone when the door flew open and he stumbled back. A cardboard box fell from the closet along with a mop and broom. Carl froze staring into, what I guessed was a storage closet.

I didn't even have to ask when I heard the familiar low growl of a corpse. Looking in, I saw it, it was sitting down and stumbling to get up, obviously having been there for a while. The smell hit my nose like a brick and I would've gagged if I wasn't scared shitless.

The corpse seemed to give up on standing as it lunged for Carl grabbing onto his leg. I yelped at the sudden movement and Carl screamed for his mom, falling down while trying to pull away. The corpse used the momentum he had on Carl to help pull himself up more.

I reached for my knives only to remember I had taken them off. Panicking, I was looking around as Carl continued his pleas for help and I heard someone from the Cafeteria respond, it sounded like Lori.

I spotted the broom on the floor in front of me. I pushed myself forward to grab onto the broom that fell out of the closet. Holding it by the wooden handle, I brought it up over my head, and slammed the bristled end down on the corpse's back. By the impact of the broom, it fell to the floor again and Carl was able to scramble away.

I brought the broom back up, holding it close in a fighting stance. I began to back away a little as it's dead eyes turned to me, as if just acknowledging my presence.

 _Okay, yeah, that was really stupid._ I thought as the corpse advanced on me, picking itself off the ground. I stared into it's eyes, backing away, shaking as my stomach churned with fear. You'd think it was the smell that would bother me the most, or even the sight of it's skin rotting off it's body. But no, it was those eyes, for whatever reason.

The eyes were dead, milky, foggy, dull. But at the same time, there was a golden tinge, making it seem as if they glowed. No emotion was on their faces as they looked at us with those hungry eyes, just the showing of their teeth as they snarled.

I backed into the wall and I could hear yelling of a couple different voices, but I didn't even bother to look around.

The corpse got closer and I pushed the bristled end of the broom into it's chest, attempting to hold it off. I was glad for their stupidity, the dead man hadn't even thought of maneuvering his body around the broom, or even to push it away with it's hands. No, instead he kept trying to reach me, pushing against the broom.

It was much stronger than me, the end of the broom handle was being pushed painfully into my chest. I pushed the handle to the side until it slammed into the wall. I held the broom handle tightly still pushing against the corpse as much as I could. I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it off for much longer.

Suddenly, Rick was there. I wasn't sure when or how he had even gotten there, but he raised his handgun to the corpse's head and pulled the trigger.

The gunshot echoed loudly in the room, making me jump. My ears rang but it didn't bug me yet, I was much too focused on the corpse.

The dead body fell the the ground and I stumbled, losing my balance without the pressure. I held onto the broom tightly, pulling it closer to me while staring at the dead body.

The ringing in my ears began to fade and I could hear the panting of my own, along with the sound of sobbing. I knew right away that it was Carl crying, I looked over briefly to see Lori holding him close.

Tears burned my eyes and I sniffled, _don't cry, don't cry, it's dead._ I held onto the broom even tighter, if it was possible, attempting to provide some sort of comfort. I had never been one for physical contact, I didn't have a lot of it either. I never understood why Sophia was always curled against her mother, why Lori would stroke the top of Carl's head, or even why Shane would touch or squeeze my shoulder.

I think I was starting to understand, though. Because in that moment, that was all I wanted. Looking around, I saw that the table that was in front of the door had been pushed out of the way. It looked like everyone had returned from looking around the school, they were breathing heavily as if they'd been running.

"The hell's goin' on?" Daryl asked as he ran into the room, looking around. His eyes stopped at me, then down to the dead body.

I saw Shane by the door, staring at me. He wiped some sweat of his brow, looking slightly relieved. I was kind of hoping, for the first time, that he would come to me like he always did and put his hand on my shoulder. To be honest I think I would've welcomed the gesture from anyone at that moment, for some reason, I craved some sort of contact.

I curled my shoulders into myself, trying to give myself the physical contact I wanted. I was practically hugging the broom.

"Are you alright?" Rick asked me.

It took me a few moments to process what he asked me. When I thought about it, I looked up at him, trying to form and answer.

"I-I-I . . . I got a broom."

Rick stared at me for a moment then looked around the room. When his eyes met mine he opened his mouth to speak, but a loud crashing noise in the distance stopped him. Everyone looked to the door and began running out into the Cafeteria.

I followed slowly behind them.

"What was that?!" I heard Carol when we were back in the Cafeteria. Then the double doors flew open revealing Glenn, he slammed the door shut behind him in a hurry.

"It fell!" He yelled, panicking.

"What-what do you mean, what fell?!" Lori asked.

" _EVERYTHING_!"

Suddenly there was loud banging on the doors, the doors opened a little even though Glenn was doing his best to push the doors closed. That was when I saw hands pushing through the gap in the doors. Glenn yelled then Shane and T-Dog ran to his side, helping hold the door closed.

"How many are there?!" Rick yelled.

"I-I don't know," Glenn stuttered, trying to yell over the many growls we heard, "a lot. They heard the gunshot, what happened?"

Rick bowed his head, rubbing his forehead with his knuckles, still holding the gun.

"The hell were ya thinkin' firing that thing?!" Daryl yelled.

"I wasn't thinking, I was just-"

"-Yeah that's pretty clear," Daryl grunted.

"Stop it," Lori ordered, "you weren't there, you didn't see-"

"-looks like ya didn' see much of anythin' neither, where the hell were you, huh? You were s'posed ta be watchin' them weren't ya?!"

"I didn't see-"

"-This is one room, how could ya not see 'em leave, your kid almost- _both of 'em_ almost got fuckin' eaten! You're a real piece of work, lady, ya know that? You had one fuckin' thing ta do!"

"Yo, can everyone just chill?!" T-Dog yelled, "Don't matter who did what we need to get the hell outta here!"

"The windows, everyone gather what you can and get out through the windows!" Shane yelled, him, T-Dog, and were still pushing against the Cafeteria doors.

Everyone obeyed Shane's order including me. They all scrambled around the room, grabbing what they could. I went to the table me Carl were sitting at, I looked at the broom in my hands and reluctantly placed it on the floor. I grabbed the plastic baggie that still had a couple crackers in it and shoved it into my bag.

Before I could put the backpack over my shoulders Daryl came to my side, roughly pulling me by the arm to the windows. Everyone was either opening another window, or crawling out of one.

Daryl yanked one open with little difficulty and pushed me forward. I threw the backpack out of the window. And began climbing through it.

The window was only a few feet above the ground so I landed on the other side with little difficulty and picked up the backpack to swing it over my shoulder. Everyone who had made it out was now running across the school's front yard toward the cars. When Daryl came out with his bag and crossbow I followed him closely the best I could.

I glanced behind me once when I noticed Glenn, T-Dog, and Shane hadn't made it out. As soon as I looked I saw the tree men scramble out of the windows. When they were out I could see several corpses attempt to follow them, reach out of the windows. But it looked like they weren't exactly sure how to get out.

"Go, go, go!" Shane yelled when they made it out, the three of them began running in the same direction as us.

I followed Daryl to his truck and he opened the drivers and hopped in. I ran around the front of the truck to go to the passenger seat. Once I was in the car Daryl put the car in gear, he waited until the RV in front of his started going before pressing down on the gas pedal.

I placed my backpack on the floor at my feet, and leaned over to look out of Daryl's window as we drove away. Just as we left, some corpses were able to make there way out of the windows. I leaned back into the seat and looked at my hands, they were still shaking. I clenched my fists to try and stop them but it didn't help much, I placed my fists onto my thighs.

The silence in the car was long and awkward, although I didn't notice it at first, I was lost in my own thoughts, still a bit freaked out. It wasn't until Daryl spoke that I did notice.

"You, uh . . . You okay?"

I didn't look at him, instead I turned to the window. I nodded.

"Looked pretty rough there . . ." he continued, "ya find that at the school?"

I looked at him, confused, then in realization I looked down at the backpack at my feet. I nodded again.

"Anythin' useful?"

I began to open my mouth but then pressed my lips together. I shook my head in response, feeling his eyes on me as I stared down at the bag.

Daryl hesitated but spoke again, "you an' Lori's kid, ya friends or somethin'? Don' think I ever seen ya talk to 'im."

I shrugged.

Daryl huffed out a loud breath, "the hell's wrong with ya? You were talkin' jus' fine before."

Hearing the anger in his voice I looked up to see him looking ahead at the road. He turned back to me again, almost growling out his words.

"And what the hell was that with you and Shane, I saw you talkin' to 'im, thought you didn' even like that guy." Daryl looked ahead again, shaking his head. "He say some shit bout me an' Merle again? Whatever he told ya i's bullshit."

I stared at him, completely bewildered, my lips parted in shock as I tried to stutter out an answer, "N-no he didn-"

"Then what the hell are you so quiet for?"

I blinked, confused, "You told me ta be."

Daryl glanced at me briefly eyebrows furrowed, then back out the windshield. "what?"

"Ya said if I was gonna ride with ya I had ta be quiet."

His eyebrows parted in realization as he seemed to relax into his seat. He was quiet for several moments.

After a while he scoffed, "whatever."

I stared at him, confused and not sure if I was supposed to say anything else. When I realized the conversation was over, if that was what that was, I turned away to the window.

Neither of us spoke the rest of the way.


	11. O Negative (Revised)

We made it to the city hours later by nightfall. There were several stops along the way to siphon gas, no one had very much left. I didn't think it would be this far, but it turned out we weren't using the same highway that got jammed, we had to find a way around that and get to another side of the city to where we were going.

Honestly, I forgot the destination. I didn't care too much either, as long as there weren't any dead people.

But the longer we drove through the city, the more we saw, just walking the streets. I rubbed my eyes, they burned and watered from exhaustion, I was hungry too. I had some crackers in my bag, but I remembered Carl said we should give them to Sophia. I wasn't sure if she had anything so I didn't want to feel bad for eating them.

I had the chocolate bar Daryl gave me, but I didn't want to eat that yet, I was tempted. I held it off as long as possible, hoping wherever we were going had food.

Lost in my thoughts I looked around in surprise as Daryl pulled the truck over. Daryl was staring through his window, I leaned forward to follow his gaze to a large building with large windows. The RV in front of us stopped and people were meeting up and getting out of their vehicles.

We were parked on the side of the road but still pretty far from the building, and on the ground between us and the building were a lot of dead bodies. I wasn't sure which ones were fully dead and which ones weren't.

Rick gestured toward us in a come on motion while he and the rest of the group, including Carl and Sophia began walking toward the building. I straightened myself up, stretching a little from the long ride, assuming me and Daryl were following, I reached for the door.

Daryl did the same, hand on the handle he turned his head in my direction and grumbled over his shoulder, "stay put."

 _Stay put_

My mind and body froze at the familiar words, I stared at Daryl as I could feel the familiar feeling of panic welling up inside of me. I did my best to regain my composure but was failing.

"W-What?"

"Stay here," he said.

My panic increased, Daryl began climbing out of the truck but I dove toward him, grabbing onto his sleeve. "No!"

Daryl furrowed his eyebrows, staring at me with confusion. He looked down at my hand then back at me, as if waiting for my explanation. Heat rushed to my face in embarrassment, but I didn't let go. My bottom lip quivered when I opened my mouth to speak. I couldn't talk, I didn't even know what to say.

"What?" He asked, annoyed.

"I-I, I just, uh . . ."

"Will ya speak up, what is it?"

"I-I wanna go," I stammered.

"No, wait 'ere."

"I won' talk!" I exclaimed, "I'll be good."

"I don' care if ya talk or not, got nothin' ta do with it. Can't have ya in the way if shit goes sideways." Daryl tried getting out again but I didn't let go.

"No, no, I-"

"-Wha's the matter with ya, I'll be righ' there!" he said, exasperated while gesturing to the building. He pulled his arm away and got out of his seat, my mind raced and I felt like I would cry again. He put his hand on the door about to slam it shut.

Trying to stop him, I stressed, "You won' come back!"

Daryl froze, squinting his eyes at me he gave me an odd look. He seemed even more confused than before and started shaking his head,

"Course I'm comin' back, i's my truck! Wait 'ere!"

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. That hadn't made me feel better at all, but I couldn't form a response.

Then Daryl slammed the door shut.

The sound echoed in my head, I wanted to just push my door open and follow him but at the same time I wanted to listen. Kids had to listen to the grown ups, but where had that gotten me so far? Looking around at some of the corpses, which were still far away and maybe only one or two had noticed our cars, I'd almost prefer to stay. I looked back to Daryl, he reached the others.

As I was watching him walk away, my heart raced, not liking this at all. There were corpses on the road, still very far away, no where close but even within fifty feet was much too close for comfort.

The group walked toward the building. I didn't understand why I had to stay, and from the looks of it I was the _only one_ told to stay. Whatever was going on, I didn't like it, it was unsettling.

I remembered back on the highway, Daddy reaching into the backseat to take out the bag he brought.

" _Stay put_ ," I remember being confused, I also remembered not thinking about it too much as he swung the bag over his shoulder and left. Then he didn't come back.

 _Daryl left_

 _Why are they leaving?_

I grabbed my head with both hands, pulling at my hair. After trying to sort out my thoughts through the panic, I decided I wasn't going to listen.

 _No way am I gonna die here._

Just as I decided to leave the truck, there was a loud banging on my window. I yelped, seeing a corpse pushing its face against the window. I turned to the drivers side, trying to scramble my way toward it to get out, but as I neared it I saw another corpse coming from that direction.

 _Where the hell do they even come from?!_

I froze for a moment then, reached forward and pressed the lock down on the driver door. I turned to my door and did the same, hoping they couldn't break the windows.

When the other corpse actually reached the truck it banged on the window much louder than the other, seeming much more agitated.

After a few minutes, more corpses decided to join, trying to get in, that was when I crawled to the floor. I hugged the bag close to my chest, trying to hide myself under the dashboard.

 _Maybe I am gonna die here_

I open the backpack and look for my knives, I leave the sheath in the bag but take one knife out. I'm not sure if corpses know how to work doors, I didn't think so. If they couldn't get through unlocked doors, I doubted they could get through locked doors. But that still didn't make me feel that much better.

The position I was tucked under the dashboard, I couldn't see the one banging on the drivers side window, but I could slightly see the one on the passenger side. I knew it could see me, it started banging harder, louder.

After retrieving a knife I went still, clutching it tight. Thinking maybe it would give up at some point.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when the corpse's head was smashed against the window, blood spattering against the glass. It happened again before the corpse fell to the ground, out of sight.

I shifted my body, getting out from under the dashboard. Daryl was there standing right outside the door.

I stared at him blankly, surprised he was even there.

Daryl banged on the door, "open it!"

I did as he said and he proceeded to pull me out of the truck.

"Le's go, there's a guy there. More Walkers comin'."

 _A guy where?_

I held back any questions and followed him as we ran, noticing any corpses that were anywhere near the truck were now dead. I tried not to look at them as we ran past. I also noticed that some people were retrieving their bags from the car and Daryl had his own along with his crossbow.

Approaching the building I saw there was an open space that led inside, it was large and seemed to be able to fit a truck. We ran in, some people following behind us and some were already there.

The place was dark but the many windows provided some light. The walls and the floor were both tiled and well cleaned. There was a large circular desk to the right of the entrance, there were also a couple pillars. To be honest the place creeped me out. In the centre of it all was a huge, blue glowing sign, I knew it told me exactly where we were. But I didn't bother looking at it.

It didn't really matter where we were anyways, did it? What mattered was why. _Why were we so quick to run in here?_ How did we know it wasn't full of rotting bodies that could, for whatever reason, _walk?_

I glanced behind me, wondering if going back to the truck was still an option. Then I looked up at Daryl, he was holding his crossbow, as if getting ready for something, but he didn't have it aimed at anything or anyone. I looked around at the group and followed their gazes to a man I didn't recognise.

He had light coloured hair that was almost reddish, he was holding a large gun though he didn't seem like he knew how to hold it. He wore a white T-shirt and he also looked as if he didn't belong here, the whole place was clean and new. Not that he was dirty but he looked run-down, tired.

He was looking us all over as Rick approached him, holding his hand out.

"Rick Grimes," he introduced.

The man glanced at him briefly before looking over us again, as if unsure. He took Rick's hand without looking at him, "Doctor Edwin Jenner,"

It was silent for a moment, then the Doctor walked forward, toward me and Daryl. The others in the group moved out of his way, I was freaked out for a second until I realized he was walking passed us.

He stopped at the door, leaning in close to a green glowing keypad. "Vi, seal the main entrance. Kill the power up here."

As he said that, the giant door began dropping down.

He turned around and walked passed us again, "follow me."

Most of the group did as he said right away, some others were more hesitant. I didn't take a single step before Daryl did.

I stayed as close to Daryl as I could without bumping into him as we all followed the Doctor. It was hard for me to keep up because I couldn't stop looking around. I didn't think I'd ever been in a building as big as it was, there was so much space and almost none of it was being used.

A minute or two later we were all crammed into a somewhat large elevator, it wasn't that big when we were all in it though. Me and Daryl were behind everybody at the back, the doctor was standing near the doors where the buttons were.

The elevator doors shut and it hummed with electricity. When the elevator jolted upward, I was so surprised I stumbled slightly, grabbing onto Daryl's sleeve.

I regained my balance quickly and looked up at Daryl, he returned my gaze with furrowed eyebrows. I cringed when I realized what I did and pulled away just as he nudged me away.

"S-Sorry," I mumbled, looking away and moving my hand to hold onto my backpack with both of them.

Daryl didn't respond, instead he leaned into the corner of the elevator, looking ahead.

"Doctors always go 'round packin' heat like tha'?" He questioned.

"There were plenty lying around, I familiarized myself. But you all look harmless enough." He glanced around at the group once again, stopping at Carl, "Except you, I'll have to keep my eye on you."

I saw Carl crack a smile and then put his head down to hide it. The elevator stopped a few moments later and the doors opened.

"Are we underground?" Carol asked as we followed him out.

"Are you claustrophobic?" The Doctor asked.

"A little."

"Try not to think about it," he dismissed.

We walked down the sheer white hallway and through an opening into another large room.

"Vi, bring up the lights in the big room."

The Big Room hummed with electricity, followed by some beeping sounds as all the lights came on. I squinted at the brightness. There were a bunch of tall white desks, work stations all around.

"Welcome to Zone 5," he said as he kept walking.

Everyone slowed their pace, taking in the area.

"Where is everybody?" Rick asked, "the other doctors, the staff?"

The Doctor stood in the centre of the room, turning to us, "I'm it. It's just me here."

Lori spoke up almost instantly, "What about the person you were speaking with? _Vi_?"

" _Vi_ ," the Doctor called loudly, "say hello to our guests. Tell them _welcome."_

A monotone voice sounded throughout the room, seemingly female, " _Hello, guests. Welcome_ _._ "

My eyes widened and I looked out furiously, trying to find the source.

"It's just me here, I'm sorry."

I wasn't entirely sure where we were or why, but I could tell by everyone's disappointed expressions that they were expecting more. Including Daryl. Maybe I should've been too, maybe even just a teeny bit concerned.

But I wasn't, there was only one thought on my mind.

 _The building can freaking talk._

* * *

The Doctor lead us to another room after that, another sheer white one. This one was full of chairs all facing one direction of the room, almost set up like a classroom but without the desks.

Daryl was standing against the wall on the farther side of the room from anyone else, I stood beside him, he didn't seem to notice I was there.

The Doctor has set up two chairs and a table at the front of the room with some kind of box. I watched curiously, not sure what was going on.

"Who's first?" he said, taking something out of the small grey toolbox.

Rick stepped forward, rolling up his sleeve. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion as Rick took the seat in front of the Doctor, holding out his arm. I knew the Doctor was doing something, I could hear the sound of a wrapper crinkling but Rick's body blocked my view.

I glanced up at Daryl to see if he was as confused as I was, but he wasn't even paying attention. I looked around at everyone else, no one seemed to care that much.

A minute later, Rick stood up, rolling down his sleeve. He walked over to the chairs, taking a seat beside Carl. The Doctor placed something on the table that looked like a tiny bottle, a vial maybe, it was red.

Shane stepped up next as the Doctor tossed something in the waste bin next to him and then took something out of his toolbox again. Another minute passed and another red vial was placed beside Rick's.

The Doctor pulled a pen or marker out of his box and scribbled something on both vials. Lori went next and the same thing happened, when it was Carl's turn I was able to see more because of his small frame.

Because of the distance I couldn't see too well, but I tried my best. The Doctor unwrapped something again and fumbled with the object in his hands, He placed the object against Carl's arm and he visibly flinched, body tense.

The object being held against his arm started to turn red. When the whole thing was dark red, the Doctor took it away, proceeding to place another red vial on the table.

My lips parted, jaw dropping. _Is that . . . Blood?_

Hesitantly, I tugged at Daryl's sleeve. He visibly tensed and looked down at me with scrunched eyebrows as he always did.

"What's 'e doin'?" I asked.

Daryl relaxed, leaning against the wall again and turning away, "blood tests."

 _Blood tests? Okay well, you're no help._

I looked back just as Dale had finished his turn. Andrea went up and Jacqui followed behind her, caressing her back as they went. Andrea sat down and sighed in annoyance.

"What's the point?" she asked, "if we were infected we'd all be running a fever."

"I've already broken every rule in the letting you in here, let me just at least be thorough . . . Done."

Andrea stood, holding her arm, as she did, she wobbled a little and Jacqui hurried to her side again.

"Are you okay?" The Doctor asked.

Andrea nodded furiously and Jacqui spoke for her, "she hasn't eaten in days, none of us have."

 _Me and Carl had crackers this morning,_ I thought. The Doctor looked us all over and nodded in understanding as he placed another red vial with the others.

That was when it clicked in my head, _he's taking the blood from our arms._

After Jacqui helped Andrea to her seat she took her turn.

"Hey."

I turned my head to Shane who was sitting in a chair a couple rows ahead from where me and Daryl stood.

"You didn't go yet did you?"

I shook my head. Shane stood up and motioned me toward him. I glanced at Daryl who seemed to be avoiding looking at me or Shane before stepping forward. Shane came close and put a hand to my back, I was expecting it but still cringed at the sudden contact. He lead me forward as Carol took her turn, Sophia standing beside here.

Me and Shane got closer and were standing only a few feet away as Sophia sat down with her arm held out.

"Mommy, do I have to?" She asked, holding on tightly to that doll with her other arm.

"I'll be gentle," the Doctor attempted to assure her as Carol nodded.

I watched carefully, noticing the sharp point as he pressed it into her arm. Sophia flinched and whimpered. I attempted to back away but Shane's hand was still on my back. My stomach churned at the sight of the blood filling the clear vial.

"There," he said, taking the sharp thing out of her arm, "all done."

The Doctor took something else out of his box and unwrapped it, placing it on Sophia's arm, I realized it was a band-aid when he removed his hand.

"Ow," Sophia grumbled as she stood, holding her arm.

Carol lead her away to the chairs and the Doctor looked at me, cracking a small smile. The smile did anything but ease my nerves. Before I could protest, Shane took the backpack off my one shoulder and placed it on the floor nearby.

"Now you?"

I shook my head, pressing against Shane in hope to get as far from this as possible.

"Come on, girl," Shane encouraged, his voice high, "you don't have to be scared."

"Nuh huh," I continued shaking my head. I was able to shrug Shane off, backing up several feet. The Doctor let out a small sigh and picked up something else from his box, he unwrapped it and put the plastic in the waste bin beside him.

He placed the object flat in his hand, holding it out for me to see, "You see? It's just a small needle, it will go really quick."

Shane nodded, "yeah, now-"

I looked up at Shane, trying to keep my face as fierce as possible, "-'e ain't stickin' tha' thing in my arm."

Shane sighed, "look, we all have to do it. It sucks, I know. It won't take long at all."

Shane reached for me but I stepped back, shaking my head again. I was trying hard to keep my expression blank but fear and anxiety had decided to take over.

Lori had stood up from her seat beside Carl, deciding for whatever screwed up reason, she needed to involve herself. She crouched herself near me but to my surprise, she made no move to touch me or get very close.

"It's no different than getting a flu shot at the doctors, just a quick prick and it'll be over before you know it."

I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion, staring hard at her.

"It doesn't hurt." Carl said.

"Yes it does!" Sophia protested.

"It will only hurt for a second," Lori said calmly, "the trick is to not think about it. What helps when you go to the doctors?"

I blinked at her, switching my gaze from her to the Doctor, "huh?"

"When you go to the doctors," she explained, "when you have to get a flu shot, and you get a little scared, what helps?"

I was so confused, and it wasn't making me feel any better. My eyes watered and I looked at the door for a split second, wanting to bolt out.

"Shot?" I said, attempting to clarify, "shot? Shot with what?" I was becoming more fearful and she seemed to sense it. She began talking faster, as if panicking.

"No! Hon, I mean a needle, medicine."

"Medicine? Like . . . like cough syrup?"

"Yes, exactly. But that kind of medicine needs to be taken differently."

"Then why did ya say _shot_ if no one's shootin' nobody?"

Her lips parted and she seemed hesitant to answer, "it's just what people call it."

I opened my mouth to question further, but Shane started to come forward, "see? There's nothing to be afraid of. Come on." Shane lightly took hold of my shoulder, pulling me closer to the Doctor. I struggled, trying to push away which resulted in him holding onto me tighter.

He was talking, trying to say something, but I began screaming. Thrashing around, refusing. _There was no way in hell this was happening._

 _No, just no._

"Move!" Daryl said loudly, shoving Shane aside which resulted in me stumbling back with him. "I'll go." Daryl sat down and held his arm out to the Doctor.

The Doctor proceeded with Daryl while Shane kept his hold on me, I was trying to back up, trying to silently get out of his grasp but he was too strong. My breathing was quick and I could hardly keep up with it, my heart beat loud in my ears and pounding against my chest. The adrenalin and fear forced a heat wave onto me, not making my breathing trouble any better.

I kept looking away from Daryl's arm, and I also kept trying to peek at his face, hoping for some reason, he'd get me out of this. But Daryl wasn't looking in my direction, not even close, as if ignoring my existence.

And before I knew it, Daryl had finished and was rising from the chair. The motion made me jump and I was pushing against Shane.

"It won't take long," he said, trying to calm me as he forced me closer to the Doctor, "it'll be over before you know it. I'll be right here with you."

"No, he ain't puttin' a hole in my arm!" Once again, I had begun thrashing around, sounds of protest escaped my throat. I felt nothing short of feral and I was sure I looked it as I tried to get out of Shane's grip, clawing at his skin. And when the opportunity presented itself, _I bit him._

Shane practically shrieked as he recoiled from me, holding his arm. I wasn't exactly sure where I'd bitten him and I hadn't thought of it yet, I hadn't even registered my actions.

As soon as I was released, I bolted. I wasn't aware if I was going toward the door or not and I didn't care, I just wanted further away from what was happening.

Just as I thought I was free, I was taken hold of once again. I didn't think about who it was and I didn't want to. I was turned around forcefully so my back rested against the person holding onto my arms tightly.

"Stop it! Jus' stop, calm down!" Daryl yelled at me as he held me tighter against him "Damnit, girl, i's jus' a needle, it ain't gonna kill ya!"

I lifted my head to look at him, I felt slightly calmer. He wasn't pushing or pulling, but just holding me firmly. This helped me relax.

I lowered my head, looking ahead at Lori and Shane. Shane was holding onto his wrist and staring at me, Lori turned in surprise to see her husband had gotten up to help, but she waved him off, signaling he stay out of it.

That was when the realization hit me of what I had done, making the fear and anxiety that much more worse. I wanted to apologise, hoping to quickly be forgiven but there was still no way I'd do what they wanted me too. I hardly understood what it was! I definitely didn't understand why we had to do it.

Acting out like this, fighting would definitely have consequences. I surprised myself greatly by not caring, they could beat me for this, fine. I deserved it, I wouldn't fight the punishment, the punishment was worth him not taking the blood from my arm.

Shane started toward me again and without thinking, I turned and clung to Daryl, attempting to hide myself into him. "I'm not doin' it!"

"Shane, stop!" Lori said, "you're not helping."

I looked up at Daryl, once I had clung to him he had let go of me. I saw his arms were raised and he was staring down at me with furrowed eyebrows, not sure what to do. I pleaded with my eyes, as far as I knew he hated Shane. If I needed help with this I would have to get it from Daryl, hopefully.

Daryl looked away, "She don' wanna do it she don' wanna do it, tha's it. Ya can't make 'er."

I breathed a sigh of relief but still didn't let go.

The Doctor sighed, "This is what you agreed to, it's protocol-"

"-I don' give a shit, this is bullshit, none of us are bit. Ya got 'nough blood, don' need no more." Daryl told him.

"Toby," Shane said in a low, warning voice, "come-"

"-Shane, _enough_." Lori said.

I heard footsteps behind me and knew someone was standing there. I wasn't sure who until they spoke.

"Honey, can you look at me please?"

I didn't move or even indicate I had heard her. Lori put her hand on me, patting lightly, motioning for me to turn to her. After a moment of considering, I did so, noticing she wasn't yanking me toward the Doctor. I turned my entire body to her, seeing she was crouched before me once again.

"Honey . . ." She started again, a soft look behind her eyes, "don't you remember ever getting a needle from the doctor?"

I shook my head, "no."

Her eyebrows scrunched together, "what about-"

"-Daddy says we don' believe in no _pansy ass doctors_."

Lori's eyes widened and there was a long silence. I could feel lots of eyes on me but didn't look around to check. After a moment a loud, bellowing laugh interrupted the silence. Everyone turned in the direction it was coming from, surprised.

T-Dog was bent over in his chair bedside Glenn, clutching his stomach as he laughed loudly. After a couple seconds of laughing, he looked up, as if sensing everyone's eyes on him. His eyes widened and he placed his hand over his mouth, trying to subdue his laughter.

"Sorry . . . uh, I just . . . ah, " he cleared his throat, awkwardly, "sorry."

The silence was there again until the Doctor spoke.

"Has this girl had _any_ vaccinations?"

Again, silence, but this time, everyone was looking to Shane. I glanced around, seeing if anyone understood what the hell this guy was talking about. No one else looked confused.

I didn't like this guy, we come here and all of a sudden he wants our blood? I found the whole situation weird and wasn't getting a good feeling, I was starting to understand why Daddy doesn't like doctors.

I looked at Shane as he began to speak, well, attempting to speak.

"Well . . . we, uh, we don't know. She . . . her, uh . . ."

"Her family isn't around." Rick said suddenly.

"Oh," Jenner looked over at me, then above me at Daryl, "you're not . . . I thought . . . nevermind."

I looked up at Daryl, who was glaring over at Shane. The look on his face made my stomach flip, his glare was almost as effective, but not quite, as Merle's.

I had a feeling they weren't going to let this go, they were going to make me do this. Though I wasn't sure why, even Daryl had said it was bullshit, but he had still done it. Looking around, no one seemed that hurt, so I was guessing it wasn't that harmful. I wasn't sure why I was so scared, I felt determined to not let this happen, but I guessed that my determination, while it wouldn't go unnoticed, would mean no difference.

My guess was right.

Lori continued to fuss over me, Shane was clearly annoyed but made no move to do anything, apparently me running to Daryl had knocked him hard off his horse.

Again it had crossed my mind that I wouldn't get out of this, I doubted Daddy would go with what was happening but Daddy wasn't there. It also occurred to me that Lori, maybe even Shane wouldn't quit badgering me until I had this done.

Thinking about the needle, fear once again hit me hard like a brick. I didn't understand why I had a huge problem with this, no one else had been as scared as I was.

 _What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I acting like this?_

I knew very well I was acting like a baby, that was when the humiliation joined the fear, only imagining the trouble I'd be in for acting this way if Daddy were there.

"What if Daryl went with you?" Lori asked suddenly, "would you feel better if he held your hand?"

My eyes widened and I could feel Daryl stiffen behind me, even though we weren't touching. Shane was staring into Lori's back, looking appalled. I didn't understand why she asked me that, but thinking it over calmed me down some, thinking of Shane being there I could only picture him holding me down, this added to my agitation.

After watching me think it over, Lori looked up at Daryl, "Daryl, do you mind? I think she would feel safer having you with her."

Daryl didn't say anything for several moments, "why?"

"I don't think she will feel any better with me or anyone else. I wouldn't be asking if I thought she would be okay with one of us. Please?"

Again Daryl was hesitant, he sounded less than pleased, "yeah, fine."

My eyes went wider as Daryl began walking past me, without a second thought I followed close behind. We passed Shane, who was watching us closely with our arms crossed. As we got to the Doctor, I froze up, as if suddenly remembering what was happening.

The Doctor was unwrapping another needle as he said, "this won't take long."

Daryl nudged me into the chair and was standing beside me. My breathing got faster and my lungs felt very heavy in my chest.

I held my hands tight into fists on my lap, biting my lip as I watched the Doctor prepare the needle.

"You're fine," Daryl said gruffly, not looking at me. "just a lil' blood."

"What's your name?" The Doctor asked softly.

"Toby," Shane answered automatically.

 _Why does everyone need to know my name?_

"Toby," he repeated, as if trying it out, "do you know your blood type?"

"Huh?" I hadn't planned on responding, or even looking at him as I sat there. But he caught my attention.

"Your blood type, for example mine is B positive. There are a couple different types, do you know yours?"

I shook my head, confused but curious.

"Would you like to? I have some testers available. We could just use some of the blood out of the sample I take."

"Do . . . do I gotta do it twice?"

"No, no, I only need a little. I won't take long."

He took hold of my arm and I flinched away, grabbing onto Daryl with my other hand. Daryl took hold of my hand and pried it off of him, but surprised me by not letting go. He was holding onto my hand awkwardly, holding part of my wrist and my palm, it was uncomfortable but I didn't protest.

He wiped my arm with something wet that looked like a white puff ball.

"Why do people got different kinds a' blood?" I asked quietly.

"That's a good question, it would make things a lot simpler if we all had the same, I'll admit. When you get a blood transfusion or transplant, you need to know your blood type because not all types are compatible. It's important. I'm going to start now."

I looked down to see he had the needle ready and I started to pulled away, "no, no, I-"

Daryl placed his free hand on my shoulder, holding me down firmly, but not painfully.

"-You get this done, never gotta do it again. Just, uh, don't think 'bout it."

"I'm thinkin' 'bout it," I told him.

"Could you roll up your sleeve?"

My teeth clenched together as another thing added to my anxiety and fear. Looking around, almost all of them were watching me in anticipation, only Shane and Lori were the closest, after Daryl. They would probably be the only ones to see any of the burns, but my fear of the needle greatly overpowered the fear of them seeing any scars.

"What the hell you lookin' at?" Daryl said harshly, "your starin' isn't fuckin' helpin'."

I looked up at Daryl, he was glaring at the others. I felt grateful as a few of them looked down and away from me. Daryl scoffed and shifted his position so he was standing in front of me. Our eyes met and his expressions was softer, but still looked annoyed. We looked at each other for a moment and it felt like he knew why I was hesitating, and not because of the needle. He gave me a small nod, and I brought my sleeve up with my opposite hand.

The Doctor took hold of my wrist and I cringed at the how cold his hand felt. He twisted my arm so my palm faced upward. I was watching his expressions closely and was it was easy to notice when he saw the burns. His eyes squinted slightly and he raised his head to meet my gaze.

"You gonna do it or what?"

The Doctor was startled by Daryl's voice and looked up at him, possibly a little scared. That made me feel a little better. I saw the Doctor's other hand moved as he continued with his task, I looked away and squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to watch.

"O-Once I get the sample," the Doctor continued talking and I knew he was watching me. His voice seemed weary and uncertain, I had a feeling he was trying to distract me. "We'll use something called the ABO typing system, it'll determine whether your blood type is A, B, AB-" there was a sudden sharp pain in my arm and I whimpered. I tried to squeeze my hands around Daryl's to help with the pain but he was still holding my hand at an awkward angle. The Doctor kept talking, "-or O. Your blood sample will be mixed with antibodies against type A and B, the different types have different antibodies."

I tried focusing on his words as he spoke, but I didn't process a single one, I knew not thinking about the pain would help, but it was impossible to ignore. I gasped as the pain increased and clenched my teeth together. I wanted to rip that thing from my arm but I was sure that would just hurt me.

"Done. That wasn't so bad, you did just fine."

I didn't look because I didn't believe him, for a few moments it felt as if the needle were still in me. But then the sharp pain subsided into a dull ache and I took a quick look to see him holding another white fuzz ball to my arm.

"Hold that there."

I did as he said, pulling my hand from Daryl's to put my hand over the small, soft ball. I wiped my cheek on my shoulder, trying to rid myself of the tears that leaked. I watched as he put the vial on the table and threw the needle in the waste bin. He reached into his box once again and pulled two more things out.

One was a squared object, he took the wrapper off and threw it away. It was white and had some shapes and letters on it. The other thing was plastic, it was almost shaped like a needle but I was sure that wasn't what it was. It was more like a narrowed tube of sorts.

He took the tube to my vial of blood and I watched in fascination as it sucked some of the blood out.

"This is the test we'll use, like I was talking about."

I watched him closely but didn't say anything, I honestly didn't understand or plain didn't hear the words he said. He squeezed four drops of blood onto the test, each an inch apart. After he spread each blood around, making a large circle with each one.

He kept talking as he lifted the test and began leaning and tilting it in different directions.

"Can I see?" Carl said, coming up in front of me. "Are you okay?"

I looked away from both Carl and the test, looking down in shame and embarrassment. I tuned out what most of the Doctor was saying, really just wanting to leave because I could hardly understand what he was talking about. But I was a little curious, and Carl seemed more than entertained with what was happening.

"Now we see, whether you are positive or negative by seeing if your blood contains the Rh factor on the surface of your red blood cells." The Doctor said. I could see his hands fumbling around in the corner of my eye, and although I was curious, I didn't look. I felt so embarrassed and bad, I wanted to cry all over again. In fact I was trying my hardest not to do just that.

"That's so cool!" Carl exclaimed, coming closer, "can we do mine?"

"You're blood is A positive, son. Same as mine," Rick said.

"Alright," the Doctor said, stretching the word out, I waited a moment, turning my head a little to look at him. "O negative," he said after a moment.

"Is tha' . . . tha' good?" I asked. He had a fake smile plastered on his face, my arm still hurt horribly, I wasn't ready to like him.

"That's very good," he replied, "that's a special type. People with that type are called universal donors, because it's compatible with any other blood type for transfusions or transplants."

I stared at him blankly, only blinking. I glanced up at Daryl, who was still beside me, but he seemed to have inched a little further away. His arms were crossed with his crossbow hung over his shoulder while watching the Doctor wearily.

"That means-"

"-Can I do it too?" I heard Sophia ask.

The Doctor looked at her as she came closer, surprised, "uh, sure. Let me just . . ."

He fumbled with the different vials, I guessed he was looking for Sophia's. After finding hers, he put hers closer to him and moved some of the others. He got another test out of his box and unwrapped it.

He picked up the tube thing, and somehow, for some reason, he reared his arm back, causing his elbow to hit the blood vials. Several clanked to the floor and he gasped. Blood was spattered and some vials were leaking, one looked completely shattered.

The Doctor dropped the test and hurried to the floor, picking some up and placing them on the table. Some were missing some blood, some now half empty, but otherwise okay.

He started down at the mess of blood and glass, he put his hand to his head in exasperation. He looked over at the samples on the table, then back to the one on the floor. A moment later he raised his head, staring at me.

"Please don't tell me that was hers," Shane pleaded.

The Doctor looked at Shane then back at me, "We may have to-"

I shook my head, standing from my seat and moving away. "-I ain't doin' it again."

"Fuckin' bullshit," Daryl grumbled.

"Man," T-Dog exclaimed, "I ain't even gonna bother if he's just breakin'em all."

The Doctor put his head down, rubbing his hand across his forehead in frustration as he sighed deeply.

* * *

Apparently, my blood that had been spilt on the floor was labelled as 'contaminated', so he couldn't suck up some with that tube thing like I suggested. Luckily, they didn't make me do it again.

Once again. The Doctor lead us somewhere else. I walked with Daryl, behind the rest of the group. I kept my head down, watching our feet, ashamed of how I acted and feeling humiliated.

I had acted weak, like a baby. If Daddy were here he probably would've set me straight for acting that way. But he wasn't there, so I wasn't sure what to do, it didn't seem like anyone was mad at me. Daryl might've been, but he wasn't saying anything.

Then again, _Daddy hates doctors_. So maybe he would've taken my side.

"M'sorry . . ." I mumbled.

Daryl hummed in questioning. I quickly wiped a tear away and looked up with him, "I was a baby. I yelled, I bit Shane. I-I-I didn' m-mean . . ." my lip quivered and I trailed off, sniffling, not able to continue.

I looked down, afraid to look at him any longer. There was a silence and I heard Daryl sigh. Other then that, all I could hear was footsteps.

"I hate needles too." Daryl mumbled.

I looked back at him, surprised, but he didn't look back. He was staring ahead as we walked, as if he hadn't spoken.

"Doctors are assholes," he continued.

I was thinking how much Daryl was like Daddy after he said that. They both hated doctors, I wondered if Merle was the same. The reason I started going around Daryl and Merle was because they were more like Daddy then anyone else.

But at the same time, they seemed so different.

We were taken to a room that resembled a kitchen, actually it was a kitchen. It had a fridge, oven, etc. The Doctor went into the freezer, letting us know there were some frozen pizzas. Everyone looked surprised, and watched quietly, while thanking him as he put them in the oven.

While the food cooked, the Doctor left the room with the blood samples while some people sat down. Some kept standing, like Daryl and me. I did want to sit down, but I made no move to leave Daryl.

We waited, some of the others talked to each other, but their voices were too hushed for me to listen in. Not that I wanted too. Then the Doctor came back a little bit later to pull the food out, he came without the blood he took from us. This place didn't seem like a house, yet it seemed fit for people to live here. He said he was alone, so I wondered if others lived here to. It seemed more like a work place, with all the computers we saw, maybe they lived where they worked. I wasn't sure, I didn't even know what this place was.

I watched, we all did, as he pulled plates out of a cupboard. Everyone lined up, thanking him and getting their share. Once they got their plates, they took a seat at the table. Not all the seats were filled. Glenn sat off to the side on a chair, not at the table with his plate on his lap.

The Doctor went off again, Daryl waited until he was gone to get his own food. When he did, he came back to where I was standing. He didn't get a plate, just ate the pizza out of his hand.

"What are we doing?" Shane asked quietly, as if he meant to whisper but failed. He was sitting across from Rick, leaning in to talk to him.

Rick raised an eyebrow in question, and Shane continued, "how is he the only one here? What the hell happened, they were supposed to-"

"-Shane, not now." Rick replied firmly.

"Not now? When? This was your call, and we're not going to-"

"-My husband is right," Lori said, "we have a roof over our heads, we're safe. Let's let ourselves relax and get food into us. He didn't have to give us anything."

Shane sighed but let it go.

"Not gettin' any?" I heard Daryl talk, I turned my head to him, maybe too fast because he was blurred for a minute. I felt like my head was spinning, at the smell of food my stomach was clenching painfully, I knew I was hungry but I couldn't get myself to move. I really wanted to sit down, my legs felt like they were shaking, but I wasn't sure if they really were. I felt weird ever since The Doctor took blood out of my arm, I was still holding the cotton ball to the hole he made in my arm.

"I don' . . . I don' feel good." I mumbled.

"What?"

I dropped to the floor onto my butt. "Ow."

"Shit," Daryl said.

"Oh, honey . . ." I heard Lori say, and her chair screech the floor as she pushed it back to stand up. She was about to come over but Shane beat her to it.

"Hey, you alright?" Shane asked softly, his hand on my shoulder.

"My arm hurts," I mumbled. Shane's hand went under my chin and he brought my head up, looking at my face closely.

"Shane, she's so pale." Lori said.

Shane glared up at Daryl, who was standing beside me still, "why the hell didn't you say anything?"

"'bout what? She was fine a second ago. How was I s'posed ta know she was gonna fall?"

Shane clicked his tongue in annoyance, then turned back to me, taking a hold of my arms.

"C'mon, let's sit you down, get you some food."

Shane helped me up, then accidentally pulled on the arm the Doctor put a needle in. I winced and mumbled a protest and he apologized. Taking me to the table with him.

"T, you mind shoving over one?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, sure." T-Dog replied, moving to the empty seat beside him. Shane sat me down in the seat where T-Dog was sitting before, which was beside Shane's seat.

Lori reached across from the other side of the table and placed a plate in front of me with two pieces of pizza. I wrinkled my nose, spotting a few toppings I didn't agree with. But I didn't say anything.

Lori said something about finding some glasses for water and she looked through the cupboards.

"You feelin' okay?" T-Dog asked me. I looked at him, not sure if he had ever spoken to me before, I was never sure if we had been this close to each other either.

"She's probably dehydrated, we'll get some water and food in her," Shane said, patting my back.

After the funny feeling in my head subsided, I started pulling the green things off my pizza. I didn't care enough to pull the rest of the toppings off so I just ate it. Before I knew it, I had practically shoved the first piece down my throat and was on the second.

Lori finally got some glasses and gave me, Carl, Sophia water first. I drank some as soon as I got it, and continued eating.

Lori got some others some water, and when I finished, Shane got me another piece and I began picking the green things off again.

The Doctor was gone longer than last time, he came back just as I finished my third piece. T-Dog began collecting the plates of those who were done and Lori followed suit.

The Doctor when to the counter, and opened a bottom cupboard, pulling a couple, large, dark green bottles out.

There was exclamations of excitement in the adults, some were just surprised.

"No way . . ." T-Dog said.

They all thanked the Doctor after he was saying there were wine glasses. Dale and T-Dog began handing them out, Both of them pouring glasses for people. Andrea didn't show much reaction, she stared at the wine glass in front of her before quickly grabbing it and pouring the red drink down her throat.

I wasn't stupid, I knew right away it was alcohol, Daddy never really had wine in the house but . . . I was thinking hard, looking down at the table, something was in my head, something I was trying to remember. Something about wine, Daddy never really had it but it was in the house lots before. But not for a long time. I thought about it hard, it was like I knew, but couldn't bring the thought into my head.

 _Mama,_ it finally clicked, _Mama liked wine._ It was hard to remember when Mama was around, I remembered a little of her, but she had been gone so long that I had to think hard about every memory, wondering if she was present during that time.

I was pulled from my thoughts as almost the entire table began laughing loudly.

"You know, in Italy, children have a little bit of wine with dinner." Dale was saying, "And in France."

"Well," Lori said, he hand over Carl's empty water cup, as if guarding it. "when Carl is in Italy or France, he can have some then."

"What's it gonna hurt? Come on." Rick coaxed, "Come on."

Lori hesitated, then laughed a little as she relented, taking her hand away.

Dale took the bottle he was holding and poured a little into Carl's cup. "There you are, young lad."

Carl was smiling and he briefly glanced at me, he was excited. Happy to be included I was guessing. I shook my head at him.

"Don', i's gross." I told him. I couldn't remember ever trying wine, but to me, all alcohol tasted and smelled gross.

I remembered a long time ago, I might've been five or six. I was pretty sure Mama hadn't left yet when I was that old, but it was hard to remember seeing her. Daddy, (and Mama), had friends over, they were drinking and talking a lot. I remembered not wanting to go to bed and sneaking in he kitchen for something. Either food or a drink, I couldn't remember.

I saw a drink on the counter I immediately assumed was chocolate milk because of its appearance. I remembered picking the glass up and wondering why there were ice cubes in it, before drinking some.

I didn't get to drink much before I was puking in the sink . . . it wasn't chocolate milk.

Carl sipped from the cup, as if he hadn't heard me, which was fine, no one listened to me anyways.

"Eww!" Carl exclaimed.

"That's my boy." Lori said patting his back, "That's my boy."

"Yuck," Carl stuck his tongue out, shaking his head in disgust, "that tastes nasty."

Lori took his cup and bored his wine into her wine glass.

"Well, just stick to soda pop there, bud." Shane suggested. Then he looked at me, "you got the right idea."

Daryl shook his head, "not you, Glenn."

"What?" Glenn looked up from his glass, confused.

"Keep drinking, little man. I want to see how red your face can get."

Everyone began laughing again at that. I watched Daryl, my lips quirking up in a hint of a smile. I hadn't seen him happy like he was.

"It seems to me we haven't thanked our host properly." Rick said, standing up and raising his glass.

"He is more than just our host." T-Dog expressed, raising his wine glass also.

"Hear hear!" Dale shouted, some others following.

"Here's to you, Doc." Daryl raised the bottle he was holding, "Booyah!"

 _Well Daryl warmed up to the asshole Doctor pretty quickly._

"Booyah!" some others repeated, agreeing, "Thank you! Booyah!"

"So," Shane began, staring down at the glass in his hand, "when are you gonna tell us what the hell happened here, Doc? All the the other doctors that were supposed to be figuring out what happened, where are they?"

"We're celebrating, Shane." Rick sat down from his toast, shaking his head. "Don't need to do this now."

"Whoa, wait a second. This is why we're here, right?" Shane let out a small laugh, "This was your move, supposed to find all the answers. Instead we found him, found one man. Why?"

"They're dead," I blurted. All eyes went to me and I cringed into my chair. Even Daryl looked surprised, I looked down, hating all the eyes on me. The silence stayed, no one talked and I could still feel them staring. I found myself getting angry, making my expression hard as I looked up, "I-I mean . . . lots a'people are dead, they aren't here so . . . will ya'll stop lookin' at me like tha'? I _can_ talk y'know."

"Well," The Doctor began after a few moments, "when things got bad, a lot of people just left, went off to be with their families. And when things got worse, when the military cordon got overrun, the rest bolted."

"Every last one?" Shane asked, not convinced.

"No, many couldn't face walking out the door. They . . . _opted out_. There was a rash of suicides . . . That was a bad time."

"You didn't leave." Andrea said suddenly. "Why?"

"I just kept working." he answered, "Hoping to do some good."

"Dude, you are such a buzzkill, man." Glenn told Shane after a prolonged silence.

* * *

"Most of the facility is powered down including housing, so you'll have to make do here. There are a few beds, the couches are comfortable. There are extra blankets and pillows in the closets if you need them." The Doctor said as he led us down another hallway. I was closer to Shane more than I was to Daryl this time. I glanced behind me at Daryl, he was still holding one of the bottles. I slowed my pace a little, hoping to walk with him.

"There's a rec room down the hall that you kids might enjoy. Just don't plug in the video games, okay? Or anything that draws power. The same applies," the Doctor motioned to the adults, "if you shower, go easy on the hot water."

The Doctor kept walking and Glenn looked at the rest of the group with a grin on his face, "Hot water?"

"That's what the man said." T-Dog smiled.

Everyone seemed to look around and choose a room to go in. I watched as Daryl did the same with the nearest door. I started to follow him when he opened the door but he turned and looked at me.

"What?"

I didn't say anything, I just blankly stared, not sure what to do or say

"Go find the other kids or somethin'," Daryl said, disappearing behind the door.

I stood still, watching the door as it clicked shut. Immediately feeling discouraged, I looked around seeing Shane was gone, and others were going into their rooms. I waited and watched until I was alone, even the Doctor was gone.

I walked down the hall a little, glancing at some doors and wondering if all the rooms were occupied. I kept going, remembering the Doctor gesturing toward a rec room and stopped at a labelled door. It was the only door with something on it, so I guessed that was it.

I opened the door and my jaw dropped, this room had not wasted the space it was given. There were a couple couches, a TV, coffee table.

There was another table in the middle of the room, I walked up to it, seeing it was one of those tables with the fake ball game on it. It had little ceramic figures on poles as players of the game. I forgot what the table was called, I knew there was a name for it. Then I saw shelves and shelves of books along the wall and went over to them.

I ran my fingers along the bindings, the more brightly coloured ones caught my eye and I briefly pulled one out, only to put it back. I knew these were adult books, you could always tell by the cover. I knew I wouldn't understand anything written in them anyway. Walking along the bookshelves, I came across a shelf that had board games. I examined the piled games briefly, before turning away.

There were a couple plants in the room too. Once I got bored of looking around, I dropped onto one of the couches, dropping my bag on the floor.

I laid my head down and closed my eyes for a few minutes, exhausted. I jerked awake when I heard footsteps.

"Hey," Carl smiled. His hair was wet and he was wearing different clothes. "Are you staying with Shane tonight?"

 _Good question._ I shrugged, unsure. I would have to see if he would come and get me later on. I was pretty sure Daryl wouldn't, it was obvious he didn't want me around. Which shouldn't have surprised me, Daryl never wanted me around from the start, even when Merle did.

Merle seemed to be the only one to ever want me around, with everyone else it seemed forced. My plan to stay with Daryl, had already failed. I shouldn't have suspected anything more, he didn't want a dumb kid around. For whatever reason Merle never seemed to mind too much, he himself would seek me out at times. But now he was gone, and Daryl never liked me to start with.

Shane seemed like he didn't mind me being around, he so much as said so when we were at the school, he said he _cared_ _._ I wasn't sure I believed that, the only person who cared about me was Daddy, only blood can care about blood was what he would say.

It seemed forced with Shane too, like he just felt like he _had_ to care, but I didn't understand that either.

From day one, Shane would tell me Daddy was going to come back, and almost three days ago he all but threw in my face he wasn't coming back. Whether it was true or not, Shane believed he wasn't coming, and he told me he was. Shane was a liar, I had briefly forgotten why I was so mad at him.

Maybe I could stay around Lori? But she hadn't said anything about Daddy either and it was obvious she knew. I didn't like Rick for whatever happened to Merle, Daryl seemed mad at him, but no one had even told me what happened to him. And Lori had Carl, her own kid to take care of, why would she take care of someone else's?

 _Shane seemed pretty willing . . ._

I ran a hand through my hair, tugging on it slightly in frustration.

"There are games!" Carl said, seeming astonished. He rushed across the room, to the shelf. "He said we can't touch the video games, but we can play these, right?"

I didn't answer, _how would I know?_ I thought in frustration. I lifted my legs onto the couch, curling into the corner.

"Do you want to play?" I heard him ask. "What about this? Monopoly?" I was pretty sure he was trying to show me something, but I didn't turn to look so he continued, "Yeah . . . I don't like it that much either, it's boring."

I tried ignoring Carl, not wanting to talk or look at him. I wanted to be alone, but I wasn never alone with these people. And being in a building made it harder to go and hide away. I wasn't even sure if I had a room to sleep in, everyone seemed to be staying with someone, and I wasn't sure if any rooms were empty.

 _Maybe I should just ask Daryl if I can stay with him . . ._ I shook my head, he shooed me off, he would just do it again. _Merle used to shoo me off too, and then he would find me later._ But this was Daryl, Daryl didn't even understand why Merle was okay with me being around.

 _Well, neither was I._

"Do you like Checkers?" Carl got closer, just standing on the other side of the coffee table, "There's more, like-"

"-I don' wanna play a stupid game," I said angrily, wanting him to shut up.

He didn't say anything, and before I could see the look on his face, I turned more into the couch. Minutes later, I could hear him moving around the room.

"That was great, do you feel better now, nice and clean?" Carol asked as she entered the room with Sophia. I didn't look toward them, I kept hiding myself in the couch. I heard Sophia hum in agreement to her mom. Their presence only annoyed me more.

"Sophia . . . do you wanna play a game?" Carl asked hesitantly.

"Sure," she agreed quickly.

I peeked over at them as they started setting a game up on the coffee table.

 _Stop it, you wouldn't know how to play anyways_ _,_ I scorned myself. Turning away again, out of the corner of my eye I saw Carol going over to browse the books.

I squeezed my eyes shut, tears were threatening to fall from all my frustration and confusion. _Why didn't Daddy just come back? Then I could go home . . ._

My stomach was starting to bug me, it felt heavy and started to cramp. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, hugging myself.

"Any good books?" Lori asked as she came in, smiling. I opened my eyes to glance at her briefly, she was wearing a large white, button-up shirt and shorts.

"Enough to keep up busy for years," Carol responded.

Lori caught my eye and I immediately turned away again, pretending I wasn't looking.

"Carol, would it be alright with you if Toby used your shower? Rick is still using ours, she still hasn't had a chance to clean up."

"Of course, if you'll watch the kids I'll show her to it myself."

"Thank you. Toby is that okay with you?"

I turned to her, narrowing my eyes and giving no response. Carol came up and tapped my shoulder, "I'll show you where it is."

After a moment, I relented, realizing they may leave me alone afterwards. And I did need to get clean, I hadn't been able to wash up since we were at the Quarry.

I followed Carol out of the rec room, it turned out, hers and Sophia's room was the first on to our left. I followed Carol into the room, looking around as I followed her to the bathroom.

The room looked really good, better than anything I've seen. It looked as good as those hotel rooms you see on commercials. There was a desk, a dresser with a mirror. A bed and a couch.

The sick feeling in my stomach was still there so I was walking a lot slower than usual.

"Do you have anything to change into?" Carol asked me.

I had the other shirt in my bag, but that was pretty dirty, I had been wearing the jeans that I had on for what seemed like forever. I glanced behind me at the door, realizing I hadn't even brought the bag with me. I felt weird not carrying it, but I didn't feel good enough to rush back.

I just shook my head when Carol looked at me and she nodded.

"I'll see what Sophia has, I'll find something for you."

My throat began to burn and the sick feeling only grew. When we walked into the bathroom, my knees felt weak, and my stomach contracted so violently I barely reached the toilet in time as I collapsed onto my knees. I heaved into the toilet and could hear Carol saying something a she bent down next to me, she gathered my hair up and held it up as the contents of my stomach poured out.

When it seemed everything had come out, I dry-heaved a couple times before sitting on the floor properly.

"I'll get you some water," Carol said, getting up and leaving. She came back with a glass and turned the tap on in the bathroom sink. She filled the glass up halfway and gave it to me.

I took the tall glass and rinsed my mouth out before I drank from it, hoping to get the horrible taste of my mouth. My throat burned badly from the vomit.

"Thanks . . ." I mumbled to her.

"I think you may have eaten too much."

"I was _hungry_ ," I defended.

"None of us have really been able to eat since the fish fry, and even then I don't think you ate anything. I think it was too much too fast for you."

I didn't say anything to that, she was probably right. It wasn't the first time I got sick from eating more than I can handle. She sat quietly for a few minutes with me, I liked that. If it was Lori she'd be trying to talk to me. I glanced at Carol and she had a small smile, it was like she knew I wanted the quiet.

Once I was sure I felt okay, I reached up and flushed the toilet, and she asked, "Can you stand up, do you want to try cleaning up now?"

I nodded my head and stood up.

"Do you need help with the shower?"

I shook my head, _why would I need help with the shower?_

"I'll go find you some clean clothes." With that she turned and left the room, closing the door behind her. I listened to her footsteps from the other side of the door.

I took my shirt and my pants off, staying out of view from the mirror above the sink. I stared at the shower curiously, it was like a cubicle, the only way to get in was to slide the clear glass door. I found it strange there wasn't a curtain.

I got in and slid the door shut. I froze when turning to the tap, expecting for there to be two. One for hot, one for cold, but there was only a single weird shaped tap.

 _What the hell is this?_

I thought that maybe the water would be neutral, I still found it super weird. I reached forward and turned it upward as far as it would go. I heard the pipes rumble a little before water started coming out onto my head and bare shoulders. It was cool at first but then became scolding hot.

I practically screeched, jumping out of the water into the corner of the stall.

After a moment of trying to push forward any courage I had, I pushed myself forward and turned the tap in the opposite direction and the water shut off. I leaned against the cold tiles in the shower, panting.

"Toby?" Carol said knocking on the door, "are you-"

"M'fine!" I called back, glaring at the evil tap.

I experimented with the tap a little, finally realising how it worked.

There were two tiny bottles, I wasn't sure why there were two. I just took one and washed my hair with a little of what was in it. It was really hard with my hair so tangled, I wish I would've brushed my hair before, but I still didn't have a brush. I washed the rest of myself and turned the tap off again.

When I got out, I noticed the toilet seat had been put down and there were some folded clothes on it along with a towel. I stared for a moment, trying to figure out when Carol put them there. I shook my head and wiped the water off me as much as I could.

The pajama pants were purple with a tie around the waist, they seemed to fit okay. I lifted the shirt up and my stomach flipped. The sleeves were short, more than short, it was almost a tank top.

I looked down at my dirty clothes, tempting to put my black shirt on instead.

Thinking about it, I came up with the idea that it wouldn't be as bad as I thought once I had it on. So I put on the shirt, looking down at my shoulders, disappointed with how much skin was showing. Even the neck was low cut so a little of my chest was shown. Not all of the cigarette burns were visible, but it was still too much and it made me nervous.

There was a particularly large scar that curved over my shoulder from my back, that was one from the belt. It wasn't that bad, but it was the worst one visible and also most noticeable.

Carol seemed to have noticed the water was off so she knocked on the door asking if I was out and everything fit okay. I wasn't sure how to answer, the clothes fit but I couldn't go out in that shirt. I thought about it way too long, because Carol opened the door and peaked in.

As soon as I heard the door opening, I grabbed the towel on the floor and put it around my shoulders, like a blanket.

"Are you dressed?" She asked, when she realised I was, she said, "Oh, take off that wet towel, you'll get the clothes wet."

"Do . . . is there another shirt?" I made myself asked, looking down.

"Why? What's wrong with that one? It doesn't fit?"

I shrugged, not sure if I should lie or not.

"What's the problem? I can't help if you don't tell me what's wrong."

"Sleeves," I mumbled. "I need sleeves."

I looked up at her and she was looking down at me with narrowed eyes, after a moment her expression softened, "sweetie, can you take the towel off?"

I shook my head, looking back down.

"Why?"

I bit the inside of my cheek, anxiety filling me. I wasn't sure what to say or do, I wasn't answering her questions and I knew that was bad. I knew I was going to be in trouble, or at least I was supposed to be. Carol didn't seem mad, so I wasn't sure.

"Daddy says I ain't s'posed to show how bad I been," I finally said quietly, embarrassed. Maybe then she would get it.

After a moment, Carol stepped forward, she reached her hands out slowly, as if in warning. Then she took the towel from me when she saw I wasn't going to fight her on it. I didn't see the point, I already told her I was bad.

When the towel was off, there was only silence. I could feel her staring and wanted the towel back on, but I wouldn't look at her. I wasn't sure what would happen, if she would tell the others, like Shane, how bad I was. And if she did, then what? Would I be in even more trouble?

All I knew was that I was never supposed to let anyone see, and I had done just that. But I wasn't sure how much of a problem this would be unless Daddy was here, then I knew I would be in trouble.

Sure Daddy wasn't here now, but he could be in the future. He couldn't stay where he was forever, wherever that was. He would come back at some point, he didn't know where we were but there was still a chance . . .

When he did come back, it would be better if less people know about how bad I was, the less people know, the lesser chance he had of finding out I let someone see.

To my surprise, Carol didn't say anything. After a few long, agonizing moments, she turned and left the bathroom. I watched her go, panicked for a split second before she came back with what looked like a sweater.

"Let's try this," she said, I could tell she was hesitant. She seemed almost disturbed, flighty shaky as she helped me get my arms through the long sleeves. The sweater was thin and green, and zipped up at the front. I didn't like the colour but didn't say so. When it was on I zipped it all the way up to my neck.

"Better?" She asked. I nodded but looked down again, nervous and ashamed. "You're not in trouble, you don't need to worry. He's gone."

I looked back up at her with narrowed eyes, attempting to keep my expression blank. What she said made me a little angry, as if I didn't know Daddy wasn't here. Was she trying to rub it in my face? Carol had been nice to me, so this statement confused me. I didn't say anything though, I felt like I had spoken enough for the day. I had been good, cooperative. I just wanted to sleep and be alone.

"Would you let me brush your hair?"

Reluctantly, I nodded. Disappointed I wasn't leaving yet. Of course, I could've told her no, but my hair had been almost impossible to wash in the shower with the knots. I couldn't remember the last time I tried brushing it, I still didn't have my own brush. My scalp was sore from tugging at my hair in the shower, trying to rid of the knots with my fingers.

She left the room again and came back with what she said was Sophia's brush. She had me stand in front of the mirror, while she stood behind me. She started at the ends of my hair, the process was long and painful. I yelped and whimpered several times, my eyes teared up. I hated this, I hated having to maintain the hair I had, it was annoying and seemed pointless.

"Can't let it get like this again, sweetie," Carol said as she straightened out another large knot. "You need to take care of it, if you don't, it'll just hurt every time."

"I don' gotta brush."

"We'll find you one then, until then just ask and you can borrow Sophia's, or even Lori's. Don't be afraid to ask."

 _I hate asking for things_ _._ It wasn't like I expected things to just be given to me, in fact, I expected the opposite. When I was at home if I needed something, I'd get it. If not, I would wait until Daddy got home, but I knew better then to bug him with things that weren't necessary. If we needed food he would bring food, I'd have no choice but to wait otherwise. I was used to doing things myself, Daddy wasn't always home, Daddy said it was good for me, he wanted me to be independant.

I sighed with relief when she was finally done. She walked with me out of the bathroom, then I abruptly turned to get my dirty clothes. But Carol stopped me, telling me she'd wash them for me.

On the way out, I noticed the room was dark with one lamp on in the far corner, away from the bed. In the bed, someone was lying under the covers. At some point, I was guessing during my shower that Carol had put Sophia to bed.

I found it so weird that Carol and Lori took their kids to bed. Even Shane felt the need to 'tuck me in'. At home, when it was time for me to go to bed, he'd just straight up tell me to go to bed. _Why didn't they do they same?_

Just when I was about to leave, Carol stopped me. "Do you need somewhere to sleep? You can take the couch, or-or I can. You can share the bed with Sophia."

I looked up at her for a long moment before shaking my head. This was the most time I ever spent with Carol, and it had been . . . much too personal for me. I wanted to breathe, in a different room. I wanted to be alone for at least a minute. I would have to find somewhere to sleep, everyone being in different rooms made me feel better. If I woke up from a nightmare too loudly, they were less likely to here, then I wouldn't wake anyone and I wouldn't get in trouble. After being alone for a few minutes, maybe I'd try to find Shane. Daryl didn't want me around anymore.

 _Maybe I could sleep in the rec room,_ I thought, there was a couch, and since Sophia was in bed, I bet Carl was too. I had somewhere to sleep away from everyone else and didn't have to bug anyone.

But even if I didn't decide to sleep there and find Shane, I had to get my bag, I had left it in there. I didn't even know which room Shane had gone in.

"Thank you," I said to Carol, it was quiet and obviously nervous sounded. She just smiled and nodded.

When I turned to walk down the hall I heard her door click closed. I looked toward the end of the hall to see the rec room door was closed, I knew Carol didn't close it when she took me to her room. But maybe she did when she took Sophia, or even Lori and Carl. I assumed no one was in there.

I was proven wrong when I approached the door. I heard something on the other side, a voice maybe. It was muffled and quiet, but the sound itself was sharp, high. Maybe a girl's voice, I put my ear closer to the door, it did sound like a voice, maybe Lori's. But I couldn't make out any actual words, I wasn't even sure if she was using words, but it seemed panicked.

I put my hand on the doorknob and turned it, utterly confused with what I was hearing. I pushed the door open and looked in, the sound a bit more clear.

My body tensed up, paralysis kicking in at what I saw.

Shane's back was to me, at the game table, someone was in front of him on the table, legs on either side of his hips. I couldn't see her face but I knew it was Lori, she was sitting, or pinned to the table in front of him

With Lori blocked and Shane's back to me, I couldn't tell what was happening, but she was clearly struggling. Her voice got louder and she was yelling at Shane.

Suddenly, there was a loud _smack_ of skin on skin, Shane's head whipped to the side and he stumbled back a couple steps.

My mouth was open and my hand still on the doorknob. Shane froze for a moment, he was slightly turned to me and must've saw me. He slowly turned all the way, his eyes wide and red scratches along his jaw and neck.

His eyes met mine and we stared, "Toby."

He was facing me so I could now see Lori. I looked at her fully, tears were running down her face and her cheeks were red. Her hair was a mess and she was shaking. She was breathing deeply as if trying to catch her breath, I had interpreted the sound correctly it seemed. All I could see was _panic._

"Oh, _God_." Lori exclaimed.

Then I felt it too.

I had never seen Lori like that, especially with Shane. Before Rick was around she was usually with Shane, and she seemed happy. She was never scared of him, not that I'd seen.

I looked back at Shane, cringing at the look in his eyes. He glanced quickly at Lori and then at me.

I'd seen Shane mad several times. Mostly at Merle or Daryl, actually both Merle and Daryl. But this looked different, there was anger, and also panic, but different from Lori. His panic was directed toward me. There was something else, but I couldn't interpret this, I didn't understand. That confusion built on my panic as Shane took a step toward me, opening his mouth, but his expression hadn't softened the slightest bit

I took a step back, then I hurried and backed out all the way, closing the door quickly. I didn't know what had happened, but I was scared. I rushed down the hall, then I heard running footsteps and Shane yelling after me.

I always thought I was a quick runner, but Shane caught up quickly.

"Stop! Toby!" Shane got me by my arm halting me in place. "Stop running!" I tried to keep going but he took hold of both of my shoulders then pushed me against the wall, holding me tightly in place.

I struggled, attempting to push him away but I was too small. I didn't make him budge.

"Stop, Stop and be quiet!" He yelled, his voice raspy as if trying to keep himself quiet. His face was only inches from mine, he had lowered himself at some point. He was crouching in front of me as he held my shoulders.

I stilled myself, beginning to shake. I had a feeling of what would come, although there was little doubt in me I pushed it away. Shane had never really punished me, he said once I didn't have to worry about that, but now it seemed he must've had enough.

Shane stared me down with hard eyes, obviously angry but otherwise unreadable. I could smell the wine from before on it and can't say I liked the smell.

"You, what you . . . you forget that, you forget what you just saw. You don't tell _anybody_ ," He told me, he seemed to struggle getting the right words out, he seemed so panicked. "Understand me?"

He made sudden movement to pull me closer and I flinched, closing my eyes, waiting for the moment he let's go of me and shows how much trouble I was in.

I didn't understand what I did, I knew what I had done before. But for him to be so angry in that moment I didn't understand, I saw something bad, that much was obvious. I didn't understand exactly what happened though, all I knew was that Lori was scared and crying and Shane was angry among other things.

"Hey!" He said urgently, shaking me, "Look at me! Are you listening? You can't tell anyone!"

Without really thinking I started shaking my head, indicating I wouldn't say anything and looked down. I wasn't even sure what I would say if I did with someone. I didn't want to be in trouble, I didn't want this to be happening. I hadn't been good, I understood I would have to take the punishment, but Shane had never seemed like he would until now. I just wanted to take the beating and leave, I wanted to hide somewhere, try and sort out how confused I was.

Shane took one hand off of one shoulder and grabbed onto the bottom of my jaw, forcing me to look up at him,"You need to be quiet about this, you hear me?"

"Quiet 'bout what? The hell is goin' on 'ere?"

Shane turned his head, with Shane's grip I couldn't move a lot but I was able to follow his eyes to Daryl, who was standing ten feet away. His hair was wet and he was wearing a different shirt, one that the sleeves had been ripped off. His eyebrows were scrunched together but his eyes were wide, surveying the scene in front of him.

I knew it was bad as soon as I tried it, but I panicked. It was one thing seeing Daddy mad at me and being ready for it, but I hadn't seen Shane like that before. I made a move to push myself away again, toward Daryl. But Shane had moved his hand on my jaw, back to my other shoulder to hold me against the wall.

"Knock it off!" Shane told me, "I'm talking to you!"

I shrunk against the wall as he yelled, and Daryl started to come closer.

"Eh, let 'er go, ya prick. The fuck is wrong with ya?!"

Shane stood up, taking one hand off me as he turned to Daryl, the other hand still on one shoulder.

"Stay out of this! You've done enough damage, you and your douchebag brother."

"What the fuck did ya jus' say?!"

"You heard what I said." Shane said, his voice deepening. Shane started to turn back to me, catching my eyes, but Daryl's voice drew him away again.

"Scarin' lil' girls, tha' what gets you off?" Daryl stared Shane hard in the eyes, crossing his arms.

A low rumbling sound came from Shane, almost growl-like, "Maybe it's you who gets off on little girls, that's why you and your brother kept her around, right?"

There wasn't a moment's hesitation before Daryl's fist collided with Shane's jaw. Shane reared back from the impact, his hand releasing me but I didn't move from my spot. Shane straightened himself out, his hand holding his jaw, he wiped it with his wrist and looked at it, searching for blood.

"Wanna say that again, asshole?!"

Shane scoffed, there was a small smile on his face, but he was anything but happy. "Everyone knows _exactly_ what that sick bastard wanted her around for."

Daryl charged at Shane and practically threw him into the wall. Shane quickly recovered, returning a punch into Daryl's face. Before Daryl could fall to the ground, Shane grabbed him by the shirt and held him against the wall, I heard the rasp of material ripping. Shane threw his fist into Daryl's face once again but Daryl countered with a blow into his chest.

The wind seemed to get knocked out of Shane as he stumbled back and Daryl jumped him again.

I started to hear other voices, but I couldn't look away from the fight. I couldn't move and wasn't sure what to do. I was breathing heavily, panic burning inside.

"Shit, what happened?!" I heard Glenn yell.

"Guys, chill!" T-Dog yelled, seeing the scene.

Rick ran to the two men, trying to stop them and break them apart. Instead, Rick received a blow from Daryl knocking him toward me. He stopped himself from falling to the ground in front of me.

"Glenn, T-Dog," Rick called. The two of them came when called.

"Someone get the kid out of the way!" T-Dog said.

In a moment I felt arms wrap around me, pinning my arms to my sides. I didn't try and see who it was, I couldn't take my eyes away from what was happening. I was lifted off the ground and carried me a couple metres away.

When I was put down, Dale crouched in front me, the others were still trying to stop the fight going on behind him. Dale tried asking me if I was okay, but I didn't listen, instead trying to see what was happening over his shoulder.

Dale blocks my view, "hey, it's okay, don't worry. Rick'll take care of it."

I met Dale's wide eyes, he was nodding his head, attempting to be convincing.

I started to shake again as tears filled and left my eyes, "I-I don't, I don't know what I did." I sobbed.

Dale wrapped his arms around me and brought me into his chest, I was startled by the action and not sure what to do. But I didn't fight him, I let him hold me.

"Shh, you didn't do anything, everything's fine."

With Dale holding me, all the other sounds and voices were muffled. After a moment, things seemed quiet and I pulled away, looking over his shoulder, he did the same, curious if it was over.

Rick was holding onto Shane, and T-Dog held onto Daryl, Glenn was in between both of them holding his arms out.

All of the men were panting, I noticed Lori and Carol were watching too, I didn't know when they came into the mix, but Sophia and Carl weren't in sight.

"Either of you going to explain what happened?"

Silence followed, all Shane did was glare at Daryl, looking as if he was ready to pounce as soon as Rick released him.

Daryl looked about the same, but much more aware. I couldn't see his face because his back was to me, but I could tell he was looking at the people around him. Even with T-Dog holding onto him, he seemed to straighten himself out. I couldn't see his face so I couldn't read his expression.

After a few moments of silence, Daryl jerked away from T-Dog, "let go of me!"

T-Dog obliged, backing away from him with his hands up. Daryl looked around, everyone seemed to be looking at him, expectant and anxious. Daryl turned a little, his eyes briefly flickered to mine and Dale's.

Daryl's lip curled at the attention he was getting, showing his clenched teeth which revealed his frustration. Daryl began storming off, walking past me I heard him utter, "Assholes . . ."

I watched his back as he went, the glanced back at the people gathered. Rick was saying something quietly in Shane's ear as he released him.

Shane still looked really angry, not completely aware of everyone around him, his eyes met mine. I did a quick breath intake at the sudden attention, becoming fearful once again. Before I could think about it too much, I turned and sped after Daryl. I heard Dale calling me but he didn't follow. I was running after Daryl without his knowledge.

Daryl turned and opened a door to what I guessed was the room he had claimed. He turned briefly, seeing me. He paused for a moment, then motioned his head for me to go in. I hesitated then walked into his room, looking back at him to see him holding his middle finger up toward the others.

He walked in, slamming the door shut behind him. He stared at me, still looking angry. I wasn't sure if he was mad at me or not. I still didn't understand why Shane was yelling at me.

"You okay?"

I looked down, biting the inside of my cheek. I wasn't sure where it was coming from but I suddenly felt angry, annoyed. I was so sick of being asked that, no one had ever asked me that question before I met these people, now it was like the only thing I heard. I didn't know how to answer, I didn't feel okay but would he really care otherwise? He didn't even want me around earlier.

 _Why am I even here?_ I resort to shrugging, not giving a yes or a no.

"Ya hurt or anythin'?"

I looked up at him with my eyes but didn't lift my head, I shook my head, telling him no. He sighed in response, running a hand over his face.

"The hell was 'e goin' on 'bout? Ya do somethin'?"

"I dunno," I said quietly. I meant for it to come out clear but my voice was quiet and it cracked, I wasn't even sure if he heard me. As soon as I spoke my eyes started watering again and I wanted to cry. I kept my eyes wide and held my breath, trying to do anything but cry. I couldn't deny I was scared of Shane in that moment, completely confused with his outburst at me, though I knew it had something to do with what was happening with Lori.

"Ya didn't do anythin', whiny bitch jus' can't hold 'is liquor." He scoffed, walking past me. I followed him with my eyes, standing in place as he walked around the couch in his room to the bed. He stopped by the nightstand, on it was a wine bottle that looked almost empty. He took the bottle, taking two large gulps from it.

He turned to me, noticed me staring, "what?"

I looked down again, pretending I wasn't looking.

"What is it?" He asked, annoyance lacing his tone.

I shrugged again.

Daryl groaned, "Stop, I hate it when ya do tha'."

I looked back at him, narrowing my eyes in confusion.

"Don' act like ya don' know how ta talk. Ya act like if ya say anythin' someone's gonna beat ya." he shook his head, taking another swig of the wine.

"C-Can I stay?" I blurted, finally letting myself breathe. Daryl looked at me, confused. "I-I meant . . . with you. H-Here . . ."

He looked down at the bottle in his hands, then slowly put it back down on the night stand. "You usually stay with Shane." It wasn't a question, more like an observation.

I nodded, nervous.

Daryl looked around scratching his head. His eyes seemed to find something on the far side of the room. He walked over to a closet, muttering, "Doc said somethin' 'bout blankets . . ."

I watched as he reached out, pulling a white folded blanket out, along with a pillow. He walked toward me, stopping behind the couch and dropping both items on top of it.

He walked around the couch to the door, turning the light switch off. A lamp by the bed was still on. He turned to me, "take the bed."

I scrunched my face in confusion, I expected to take the couch, "why? Aren't you gonna . . ."

"Jus' do it, and-"

"-Be quiet." I said.

He stopped to stare at me for a minute, " _sleep_ , I was gonna say sleep."

I nodded and watched as he settled onto the couch, "turn that damn light off."

I went over to the bed and did as he said. The room was dark afterwards but I could barely make out the bed. I got on it and moved the blankets until I could shift myself under them. Then I laid my head down. Feeling relieved for the first time in a long time.

 _The first thing I notice, the easiest thing to notice is how bright it is. I'm in some white room but can't make myself move around to see it better. It's bright, but for some reason I can't tell what's in front of me, I just know it's white and bright._

 _Involuntarily, I look down at myself. I'm surprised and confused to see I'm not wearing anything. It wasn't what confused me most, my body didn't look like my body. I didn't have a lot of scars on my stomach, but there were some. I didn't see a single one._

 _I glance at my arms, all the cigarette burns that are supposed to be there, aren't. I was completely bare. Even the small mole on the left side of my abdomen, right over my rib cage, was gone._

 _The there was a loud banging and I see there's a door beside me, the door is white. Someone is banging on the other side and someone is yelling. I couldn't make out the words but I know it's Shane._

 _I'm scared and confused, wanting to run and hide but I can't do anything. I wasn't even sure if I had anywhere to go. The banging gets faster and louder, there's another voice. It's Daddy, he doesn't sound any happier then Shane. I can feel myself crying, he's been gone and I want to see him but he's mad, and it scares me, of course he's mad. Why wouldn't he be?_

 _I could hear him yelling at me, telling me I should've stayed in the car. I looked down at myself, my eyes widening and I let out a scream._

 _My stomach is covered in blood, completely covered along with my legs. I try to wipe it off but it doesn't go anywhere, my hand gets bloody too and I can't wipe any of it off. I'm crying and panicking trying to figure out where the blood is coming from. Am I hurt? Where am I bleeding? As far as I could tell I wasn't hurt, but I was panicking too much to tell. I was crying and screaming, but the blood wouldn't go away._

 _I looked up, seeing there was a mirror in front of me, I didn't know if it was there earlier or not. Seeing myself in the mirror, there's no blood. I look back down and it's still there, a pool is forming around my feet but the blood hasn't left my skin. I'm almost completely coated in it, like it's a second skin._

 _I tried harder but the blood wouldn't come off and I couldn't tell if I was hurt, I could hardly breathe._

Then everything is dark, I can hear someone talking and I feel myself holding on to me and shaking me, but I'm still crying, yelling.

"Stop it, wake up! The hell is wrong with ya?!" It takes me a minute before I can open my eyes.

The lamp by the bed had been turned on. Daryl was holding me up into a half sitting position, furiously shaking me.

I tried to quiet myself, stopping the yelling but I still couldn't breathe. I was hyperventilating. When he noticed my eyes were open and he stopped shaking me.

"Christ, girl, jus' breathe normal!" He exclaimed, annoyed and looking freaked out, "jus' take it slow."

My breathing was short and rapid, I tried my best to slow it down by taking deeper ones, but it takes a while for it to calm down. I looked at Daryl, just as I started to calm myself I started getting scared again, realizing I must've woken him up. "I-I'm s-sorry! I d-didn' . . . I don'-I-I j-just-"

"-Stop, can't hear a single fuckin' word you're sayin'. Jus' breathe."

I did as he said, I only noticed how much my body is shaking when he released me. He was standing over the bed, quiet for the next few minutes while I attempted to calm myself down. A little later, I was still softly sobbing but wasn't shaking as much and was breathing a lot better.

"You were screamin'," he told me, "Scared the livin' shit outta me, thought a Walker got in or some shit."

I brought my wrist up, using my sleeve to wipe the snot that was running down my nose. With the other wrist I wiped my tears. The blanket had been completely pushed to the end of the bed, away from me. I knew it had been my doing, from thrashing and kicking while I was sleeping.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, trying to keep my voice even. "I didn't mean to wake you up, I-I won't do it again."

I watched as Daryl ran his hand over his face, he sighed. His expression was blank, unreadable, he really just looked tired if anything else.

"A-Are ya mad at me? Do ya want me ta go, I-I can go-"

"- _Stop_." He put his hand on his face, rubbing his eyes. I waited several moments but he didn't say anything say anything else.

"You're not gonna yell at me?"

He moved his hand, his eyes narrowed at me, "why the hell would I yell at ya?"

Daryl looked around, then made a move like he was about to walk away, that startled me and I sat up.

Daryl noticed and looked at me, "relax, I ain't goin nowhere."

Unexpectedly, Daryl sat on the edge of the bed beside me. He placed his hand on my head, gently pushing me back down. I obeyed, lying down, and he took his hand back. Looking away from me.

"Tha' 'appen lots?"

"Sometimes . . ." I lied.

He looked down at me, the light from the lamp showing his soft expression. "What did ya dream 'bout?"

I looked away, suddenly finding the blanket very interesting. After thinking about it, I realized I didn't remember. It was always hard to remember after I woke up. I thought harder, but the harder I tried to remember the more I forgot.

"Blood . . ." I answered finally, the only thing I could remember was that I was bleeding. I didn't remember why.

"You don' gotta be scared, not tonight." He said quietly, looking away while fiddling with his hands.

I stared at him silently, thinking over what happened earlier. I remembered how angry he was when he saw Shane yelling at me. According to him I didn't do anything wrong, though he wasn't around before Shane started yelling. Maybe if he knew why Shane was yelling, he'd agree with Shane that I was bad.

But I wasn't even sure what I did. I didn't understand Shane, I had never seen him so mad, especially at me. Even when I pointed his own gun at him he didn't yell at me this much. I thought about that once it came to mind, Shane telling me how it couldn't happen again. When I had flinched from him yelling and coming closer, he assured he wasn't going to hurt me and I didn't have to worry about that. But that night . . . something was very different in Shane, was it the alcohol?

"What're you staring for?" Daryl spoke with annoyance.

I hadn't even realised I was still looking while I was thinking, "N-Nothin' . . . Jus' thinkin'."

He hesitated, then sighed and nudged me over, "Move."

I did as he said, moving myself over. Daryl lied himself down on top of the blankets, his hands on his stomach.

"What?" He asked looking at me. I could smell the wine from his breathe.

"I'm jus' . . . confused." I said, l lied down, we were a few inches apart.

"'Bout?"

I bit my lip, answering quietly, "Grown ups."

"Me?"

" . . . Sometimes."

"What else?"

 _This_ _,_ I thought. Daryl was pushing for me to talk, he had only did this once before. And that was on the drive to where we were now. He seemed mad I had been talking to Shane and not him. I wasn't sure why he wanted me to talk, but I didn't want to sleep, so I answered.

"Grown ups . . . I jus' don' get it, any of you. Ya say one thing, then act like ya said somethin' else. These people are jus' . . . weird. I don' get it."

Daryl breathed out a quiet laugh, "That's because _grown ups_ don' always know what they want. The older ya are the more confusing it gets . . . Unless you're Merle, then it's easy. Drugs, booze, an' pus- _Oh_ , uh . . . I guess I shouldn't say that."

Then came even more confusion, I looked at him and he just shook his head.

"That all?" He asked.

I pressed my lips together, thinking. My eyes started watering again. "I want ta go home, I don' like it 'ere."

He didn't say anything, he sighed, but it didn't sound like he was annoyed. After I started I just blurted the rest.

"I-I don' like Shane anymore, I never liked 'im tha' much but 'e was nice. He's mad at me and I don' know what I did . . . he was kinda . . . scary, I don' know. I don' know what ta do 'ere, with everyone. They all look at me like I'm weird, like I'm always doin' somethin' wrong. I don' like talkin' an' they want me ta talk, then when I do talk they give me funny looks."

Daryl shifted, putting one of his hands behind his head, getting comfortable as he stared at the ceiling, "They jus' don' know what ta say, your dad isn't here, they're not sure what ta say ta ya. As for Shane, 'es drunk an' 'es an asshole, don' think 'e would do anythin' ta ya. Ya don' 'ave to

be scared of 'im."

"You're drunk, right?" I asked.

"Downright shitfaced."

I bit my lip again, "You're not an asshole."

Dary didn't say anything. He was silent. His breathing was quiet and even, mine was beginning to sound that way.

Something had been bugging me, but I was afraid to ask until now. Daryl seemed the calmest I'd ever seen him. "What did that mean, what Shane said?"

Daryl scoffed, his tone short, "What ya mean? 'e said loads a' shit back there."

"'Bout lil' girls."

Daryl shifted his weight, as if uncomfortable. "Nothin', 'e was drunk."

"You said it too."

He laughed again, a little louder this time. "Well, I'm drunk too."

"Daryl?"

"Hmm?"

"We gonna be 'ere a while?"

He shrugged a shoulder, "prob'ly. Don' got nowhere else ta go, less Rick and Deputy Dipshit got 'nother plan."

I nodded, looking away. We were both silent for a few minutes, then Daryl sighed.

"Sleep now, fuckin' exhausted." He said, I heard the click of the lamp and darkness flooded the room.

I was scared to go back to sleep, but Daryl being close gave me an odd sense of comfort. One I didn't understand, but I didn't understand a lot of things.

Embarrassment filled me, I woke him up, had been crying the hardest I had in weeks. Usually if I cried, I knew better than to let anyone see. I was weak, I knew Daddy would be disappointed. I had to be strong, brave. I needed to stop acting like a damn baby and like a big girl. I needed to be Like Daddy, like Merle, like Daryl, even be like Shane.

They were brave, they were strong. I had to be the same, especially if I wanted to stay on Daryl's good side. I decided then that I would work on my expressions more, be _blank_. I couldn't show anyone what I thought or felt, that was weak. I needed to stop being so damn _dramatic_.

No more crying, that wasn't going to help anything.

 _No more crying._

* * *

 **Also, just about all the Daryl/Toby bonding was courtesy of Rasha007, her ideas. I'm not sure how many of you read my last note, but she has started her own Fanfiction! It's called Roommate, a pre-apocalypse story, with a very ooc Daryl, who is a serial killer (only for MATURE readers). Check it out, I hope you give her all the support as you do for this story. She works hard on her story and this one, she deserves it.**


	12. What We've Lost

When I woke up, Daryl was gone. My eyes burned, telling me I was still tired, but I forced myself up. I reached my arm up to sweep the hair out of my face and winced at a dull ache in my arm.

I groaned, grabbing my arm with my other hand, seeing the tiny red dot from the needle.

I clenched my teeth together, _only hurt for a second, my ass._

Remembering last night, did not help me leave the room. I wasn't even sure why I did, maybe I was hungry. Maybe I was sick of sitting in one place avoiding everyone.

I left the room, I walked down the hallway and made a turn, I could hear voices and followed the source. I found the kitchen like room we were eating in the night before.

I walked into the room, sitting at the table was Carl and Lori. Carl was eating something out of a bowl that looked like cereal. On the right side of Carl was Andrea, staring blankly at her plate.

Across from Andrea was Dale, his back was to me, an empty chair in between him and Jacqui. Shane was at the end of the table in between Andrea and Dale.

I could smell something cooking and I was hungry, but I hesitated at the doorway, feeling anxious. I was a little scared and didn't want to be near Shane, I thought about going back to the room but I was hungry. Daryl wasn't in there and I wondered where he was.

I spotted an empty seat at the other end of the table by Lori. I thought hard for a minute, then made my way toward the empty seat near her.

"Hey, wait."

I stopped and glanced at Dale, he pulled the empty chair out between him and Jacqui, "sit here, we'll get you some food."

I hesitated, looking over at Shane. His head was down but he was peeking at me out of the corner of his eyes. I walked to Dale, taking the seat beside him.

"Morning," Rick said as he walked in.

"Are you hungover?" Carl asked, "mom said you'd be."

"Mom is right," Rick agreed, getting a plate for himself..

"Mom has that annoying habit," Lori smiled.

"What're you cooking?" Rick asked, eyeing T-Dog at the counter.

"Eggs, powdered. But I do 'em good," T-Dog answered, "I bet you can't tell."

T-Dog put some eggs onto Rick's plate and he sat beside Lori. Rick picked up a pill bottle he saw at the centre of the table, "what's this?"

"Jenner, he thought we could use it. Some of us at least." Lori said.

Unexpectedly, T-Dog placed a plate in front of me. On the plate there were several yellow and white chunks. I scrunched my nose, "eggs?"

T-Dog hummed in answer as he handed me a fork. I took it, looking down at the eggs curiously.

"Daddy don' make 'em like this," I said.

"It's good, they're scrambled." He told me, turning away. I stabbed my fork into a piece of egg and tried it. I liked it so I kept eating.

We all turned to the doorway, hearing someone groaning in pain. It was Glenn, he walked in, his head low as he clutched it, obviously in pain.

"Holding up okay, Glenn?" Dale asked, smiling.

Glenn groaned again in response. He slowly took the seat at the end of the table I had originally chosen, between Rick and Jacqui. He put his head down on the table. Jacqui rose, telling him she'd get him a plate.

"Don't ever, ever, ever let me drink again," Glenn said, his voice low.

T-Dog chuckled, putting eggs onto the plate Jacque placed in front of him, "protein helps the hangover."

"Toby?"

I glanced over at Carl, taking another bite. He was staring at me, I wondered how long he'd been doing that.

"Can I ask you something?"

I pressed my lips together, slightly annoyed. Usually when he had a question, he just asked. Why was he beating around the bush this time? I shrugged my shoulders in response, stabbing another piece of egg with the fork I was holding.

"You talk about your dad a lot, why don't you talk about your mom?"

"Carl," Lori grabbed Carl by his arm, pulling him close and murmuring something in his ear. Her tone was deep, angered. I couldn't make out what she was saying.

Carl's expression dropped, "Oh," was Carl's only response.

I looked between them, wondering what she said, "Nothin' ta say, Mama's gone, been gone a long time."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad or anything . . ." Carl put his head down, pushing around his cereal with his spoon. Guilt washed over me, he was sad because he thought he made me sad, instead I just made him sad.

 _This is why I don't talk to other kids._

For a moment, I thought about what Daddy used to say when I asked about Mama, or when I was sad that she was gone. It had been a long time since I had even mentioned her to him, but I remembered what he said exactly.

"Nothin' ta be sad 'bout, it don' matter," I attempted to reassure him, "Daddy said she was a whore anyway."

Lori's hand went over her mouth as water spurted out, she slammed her glass on the table with the other hand in surprise. Lori coughed, as if not able to get any air in her lungs.

"Mom? Are you okay?" Carl questioned.

"Fine, fine." She choked out, clearing her throat.

Rick patted her back, his eyes wide as his gaze switched from me to Lori. Dale, who was beside me, stared at me with wide eyes, his jaw dropped.

I glanced to the right end of the table, Shane was staring at me, tight lipped, suppressing a smile, or trying to. It was there. With Shane's face turned to me, I could slightly make out a dark bruise that had formed on the right side of his jaw, there was a faint one on his left cheek too.

"Toby . . ." Lori said in a low warning voice, the voice she used when scolding Carl.

"What?" I asked, confused with the reaction I got. _Why is everyone looking at me again?_

She sighed, " . . . nevermind."

T-Dog snickered, then let out a snort, "I freakin' _love_ this kid." He came up behind me, putting a little more eggs on my plate.

Footsteps sounded throughout the room and I turned around, Carol and Sophia came in. They both said good morning, then Carol went to the other side of the room to grab some folded chairs for them. They sat at the table and everyone talked for a while, I ignored everyone while I ate.

Later, the Doctor came in. I pretended I didn't notice him as I stared down at my plate.

"Morning," the Doctor greeted.

"Hey, Doc." Shane said.

"How's the blood?" Rick asked him.

The Doctor turned to Rick, casting his eyes downward before turning away.

"With the blood I was able to test, no surprises."

"Were you able to test Toby's blood?" Lori asked him out of curiosity.

The Doctor glanced at me and I looked away. "Unfortunately, no. As you saw, the vial was shattered. And as I said, the sample contaminated, useless."

"Glad I didn't let you take mine then." T-Dog said.

The Doctor sighed, "it would have been better to get more accurate results."

"Like you said, _no surprises_ , _"_ T-Dog mimicked. "What difference would it have made to have mine and her blood? Nothin' would've been different. Not to sound ungrateful or nothin'."

"Suppose you're right."

"Is there something you're not telling us, Doc?" Shane asked with conviction.

The Doctor turned away once again, going toward the counter as he shook his head.

"Kinda pissed we tortured that poor girl for nothin'." T-Dog said.

 _I like T-Dog_ , I decided at that moment.

"Doctor," Dale started, "I don't mean to slam you with questions first thing-"

"-But you will anyway."

"We didn't come here for the eggs." Andrea said, I glanced at her in surprise, I wasn't sure when the last time I heard her talk was.

The Doctor paused, "of course not. If you're done eating, come with me."

I heard the chairs screeching as people pushed them back, getting up from the table. Glenn groaned as he stood. A few minutes later the room was cleared, they had all followed the Doctor. Except me.

I wasn't even sure why we were here, and I doubt how much I'd be told if I asked. No one noticed I didn't follow so I doubted they cared.

A few moments later, I heard footsteps once again, I turned to the doorway, confused with who could possibly be coming in.

My eyes widened at the sight of Daryl, a large purple and blue bruise had formed on the side of his face, his eye slightly swollen.

"Ya 'lone?"

I nodded, turning back to my plate.

"What ya eatin'?"

"Eggs," I pointed to the counter where T-Dog left the pan.

He walked over to the pan and picked it up, the he turned, facing me as he leaned against the counter. Using his hands, he ate the remaining food on the pan.

"No ones 'ere?"

"Doctor took 'em somewhere."

He furrowed his eyebrows, "where?"

I shrugged, "I dunno. Didn' tell me."

He grunted.

I thought hard as I watched him eat. I glanced behind me, checking if they were all still gone. I didn't understand the reaction I got from them a few moments before. I didn't understand if I said something wrong. I realized I also didn't understand what that word meant, I had just heard it and didn't question the meaning.

"Daryl?"

"Hmm?"

"What's a whore?"

His movements stopped and he stared at me. He seemed to be waiting, as if he didn't believe what I said. He looked away after a while, placing the empty pan back on the counter. He kept his eyes away from me as if uncomfortable.

"Jus' means . . . somethin' bad. Someone who does bad things." He said hesitantly, he seemed as though he didn't believe his own words, and he didn't know how to put it.

I thought again, thinking back to last night and the conclusion I came to earlier that morning. Shane might've done something bad he didn't want anyone to know about, that was why he got angry.

"Like Shane?" I asked, awaiting confirmation.

He was quiet for a moment, "you mean las' night?" He paused, looking back at me, I guessed he was thinking back to his fight with Shane. "not really the same thing . . ."

"Oh," was all I said, putting my head down. "I don' get it."

"Ya don' need to. Gonna go see where the others are at." He said, walking passed me.

"Can I come?" I asked.

"Do what ya want."

I hopped off the chair and followed him. He went down the hallway and we walked into the Big Room, with all the desks and computers. Walking in, right away we could see some kind of video playing, like on a large TV.

"What's this?" Daryl asked out loud as we walked in, the group was at the other end of the room, passed the desks, watching the screen.

"The Doctor is showing us a vigil," Dale answered, he was farthest from the others, closer to us as we approached.

"Of what?"

"Death," Andrea answered quietly, just barely enough for us to hear.

There were blue lights flashing across the screen, the Doctor was explaining thing but I kept losing track of his words, distracted by the TV. Everytime I tried to keep track of what he was saying, I didn't understand, he was using a lot of words I didn't know.

No one else seemed that confused, just fascinated. I found myself feeling frustrated so I left. No one noticed me go. I walked down the hall, deciding I would search for the Rec room where I left my bag. I took a couple wrong turns but eventually found myself in front of the familiar door.

I almost opened it but stopped myself, remembering what had happened last time I went in, but Lori and Shane were with everyone else.

I turned the knob and opened the door, the light in the room was still on. I left the door open behind me and spotted my bag. I sat on the couch like I had the night before, in the same place. I thought about what to do.

I picked up my bag and dumped everything out beside me. My blanket was still bunched in a ball with my few possessions. I separated the objects from the blanket and folded the blanket the best I could before putting it into the bag. Next, I took my knives which were still tucked neatly into their sheath, I folded it in half and put it away next.

Once everything was sorted and stowed away in my bag, I saw that I still had a lot of space. I didn't own much, but if I ever found anything, this would do. I put the bag on the floor and lied on the couch.

I wondered what time it was and looked around, there was a round modern clock on the wall above the door. I stared at it for several minutes before giving up, I didn't understand how to read those clocks. I knew how to read the electronic clocks, like on Daddy's alarm clock or on the microwave. But I could never understand those stupid round ones with the arms, I remembered there were a couple lessons in school, but I still never got it. And it was a long time ago, a couple years ago maybe, they didn't really have any more lessons about it after the first few. All the other kids learned how to read them.

Then there was me.

 _Idiot_

I put my arm over my eyes, shielding myself from the light in the room, I lied like that for several minutes before sleep finally took over.

* * *

I jerked awake at the sound of voices and footsteps.I sat myself up in a hurry, slightly panicking for no reason. I didn't think I'd be in trouble for sleeping, but I didn't want anyone to know that I was anyway. I pushed my dark hair out of my face just as Carl came in, followed by Lori.

They both greeted me and I didn't return the favour.

I didn't understand why we had to say hi to each other anyways. I saw them almost all day, every day, so why did everyone felt the need to greet each other as soon as they were in their line of sight? It wasn't like we didn't know we were all staying in the same building.

I pretended to not pay attention as Lori sat Carl at the coffee table in front of where I sat while she sat beside him, she had a book and some paper. Carl was mumbling protests and I realised she was making him do schoolwork again.

 _Are there even any schools open anymore? Why did schoolwork even matter now? Daddy always said it was a waste of time anyways._

"How are you doing?"

I gave Lori a sharp look unintentionally, I hadn't noticed she was done instructing Carl on what to do. I also didn't know how to answer that question, how was I doing about what? _What kind of question is that?_

She put her hand on my knee and I tensed up, it wasn't unusual for her to make physical contact with me, but I still wasn't expecting it, nor was I comfortable with it.

Suddenly, Lori stood up, "why don't me and you have a talk, Hun? Just me and you."

Lori stepped passed Carl, motioning for me to stand.

Carl turned to her, "she doesn't like to talk, mom."

"Just for a minute," she coaxed.

I got up after a moment, a bit skeptical. She started to lead me away before stopping, she looked up at the ceiling and put her hand up, waving her hand in front of an air vent.

"Mom? Something wrong?" Carl asked, noticing her actions.

"It's nothing, just . . . the air conditioning stopped."

She shook her head a turned her attention away. She then led me to the far side of the room, where the bookshelf ended. We were far from Carl but she briefly looked over her shoulder to check and make sure he was distracted and far enough away.

When she crouched in front of me, it took every ounce of my strength not to roll my eyes.

I clenched my teeth in annoyance, I was sick of people crouching to my eyes level. _Did they think that because I was so much short that I couldn't see them? Did they all think just because I was so much closer to the ground I couldn't hear them? Couldn't they all just stand and talk like a normal person?_

 _Daryl does that, he doesn't bother kneeling in front of me._

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," she told me softly.

 _Of course you do, I thought, that's the only question anyone ever asks me. Still don't understand why you want to know or care._

In reality, I only blinked in response.

"What you saw yesterday . . ." Lori looked lost, as if not sure what to say, she look a little scared to. She sighed, "what did you see? I know last night was hard, for a lot of reasons, but we need, _I need_ to make sure that you're okay. I don't want you to have to worry about anything, I don't want you to feel scared, I don't want to make you uncomfortable. And I know that's how you must feel right now. I know you're confused about a lot of things and it's a confusing situation, not just last night but all of this. Staying with strangers, being away from home. I want to help."

She was talking fast, practically rambling with her eyes watering. Lori turned her head to Carl, making sure he was paying no attention to us.

I fought with myself a little not sure if I should speak or not. The fight was futile and I ended up blurting my observation. "You looked scared."

She looked back at me, her expression startled.

 _She looks scared now too._

"Last night, did you say anything? Did you tell Daryl anything about what you saw?"

I shook my head.

She nodded, sighing in relief. "Listen to me, it's really important that you don't tell anyone what you saw. It's just-sometimes . . . sometimes men do things . . ." She stopped herself, shaking her head. At that point I was pretty sure even she didn't know what she was talking about. I narrowed my eyes, becoming more confused than before. _Sometimes men do things?_

"It was just a misunderstanding," she finally seemed to decide, "everything is fine, it's all good now."

I'd admit it, I was pretty oblivious. I was oblivious to a lot of things. I knew that I didn't understand a lot of things others did or that I should've. But this was hard to not see, Lori wasn't just telling me not to say anything, she was begging me. She was scared.

My thought earlier that morning was that Shane had done something bad to get him in trouble, but now . . . the way Lori was acting made me wonder, could it have been the other way around? Could Lori have been doing something bad?

Suddenly there was a weird buzzing sound and then the lights died out. I looked around as Lori stood up.

"What in the world . . ."

"Mom? Why'd the lights go out?" Carl called out.

I watched Lori, wondering if she had an explanation. If she did, it was silence by footsteps and voices from the hall. Lori followed the voice, Carl along with her while I followed silently behind them.

When we stepped out of the room, some of the group emerged from a different hall. The Doctor was leading them. They were walking passed the bedrooms down the hall toward The Big Room, thought I wasn't sure if that was where they were going

"Why is the air off?" Lori asked.

"And the lights?" Carol asked, Sophia at her side.

As they continued to follow him I stayed in the doorway of the rec room. Daryl leaned out of his room to join, his one hand was grasping a glass bottle with amber liquid in it. "Wha's going on, why's everythin' turned off?"

I debated following them all like I had this morning, but when I did, nothing I understood really happened and I ended up leaving anyway. Then I remembered the first time we followed him.

I turned back into the rec room immediately.

 _No way was I getting another needle._

* * *

I was sitting on the floor of the rec room at the coffee table, beside where Carl was seated earlier. I had the colouring book I found with the bag at the school in front of me along with the crayons. I had to flip through a couple pages before finding one that hadn't already been scribbled on.

The picture was kind of tropical, of a cartoon monkey, some leaves and trees, the monkey, of course, was holding a banana.

After a while of colouring the monkey and some of the trees, I went to the crayon box to find a yellow crayon for the banana. I groaned in frustration to find the yellow was missing.

Suddenly, a loud alarm blared into the room and rang in my ears. I sprang up, spinning around, trying to find out where the sound was coming from.

It sounded a lot like a fire alarm, but much more loud and obnoxious. I covered my ears, hoping for it to stop. It didn't do me much good.

" _Thirty minutes to decontamination._ " The female monotone voice told me over the blaring sounds.

After a minute or so it finally stopped and I lowered my hands.

 _Okay, I have no idea what that means, but okay._

I closed the book and put the crayons I used away, deciding my hand was sore and this was boring. My stomach twisted, wondering what had set the alarm off and what the building meant.

 _Thirty minutes to what?_

I put the book and the crayons into my bag when another sound caught my attention. It was a low rumbling sound that seemed to echo into the room from the hallway. I could feel a slight vibration from the floor through my worn out running shoes.

The rumbling ceased just as a loud, metallic _slam sounded out._

I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion, listening, waiting. I waited to see if I would hear any more weird sounds but all I heard was silence.

I walked over to the door and stepped into the hallway. It was empty, no one was there. I felt my eyes widen as they stopped on something unfamiliar.

Down at the other end of the hall, there was alway a wide opening, which lead to a catwalk into the Big Room with all the desk and computers. It was there the Doctor was showing the others that weird movie I hadn't stayed to watch.

Except this time, when I looked down the hall, there was no opening. That opening was not blocked by a silver, metallic barrier. I narrowed my eyes, utterly confused as the where that came from, I blinked a couple times, as if waiting for it to disappear.

When it didn't, I walked closer. Once I reached the end of the hall I stared at it. It wasn't like a door, it didn't have a doorknob or any hinges. Along the sides and top of the metal barrier, was a yellow and black striped pattern. It reminded me of caution tape.

I stared at it for a while, then the building spoke again in that robotic voice.

" _H.I.T.s high-impulse thermobaric fuel-air explosives consist of a two-stage aerosol ignition that produces a blast wave of significantly greater power and duration than any other known explosive except nuclear. The vacuum-pressure effect ignites the oxygen between five-thousand and six thousand degrees and is used when the greatest loss of life and damage to structures is desired._ "

I stared at the ceiling, my head was starting to hurt from trying to figure out what the fuck was going on. I didn't see or hear anybody, except for the talking building. _Which, oddly enough, didn't bother anyone but me._

"Uh, wanna repeat tha'?" I called out. I waited, but there was no response.

 _Well fuck you too._

I thought over the words it was talking about, but honestly, I didn't catch half of them., I know I heard 'explosive'. The harder I thought about it the less words I remembered.

I looked down the hall, wondering where everyone was again. A couple of the bedroom doors were left open, as I walked down the hall, I peeked into the open rooms. After a few minutes, I still hadn't seen or heard anyone.

I thought hard for a minute about the closed doors. I was starting to feel anxious. I'd always wanted to be left alone, but I always knew where everyone was. _Where the hell are they?_

I finally decided to look into the closed bedroom doors, risking getting in trouble for not being respectful.

All the bedrooms looked more or less the same. But after opening a few of them, I still hadn't found anyone. I was about to open another door when I nearly jumped out of my skin at a loud _bang._

After only a second, it happened again, and then again. A relentless pounding. I turned my head to the metal barrier, I was pretty sure that was where it was coming from, and as I drew closer I was sure of it.

After a few minutes of me standing and staring at the metal barrier, the pounding stopped. I slowly stepped closer, wondering what was on the other side. I wondered if the others were there, but if they were, why was the room sealed off?

I leaned my head in close, putting my ear close to the metal, trying to hear something, anything, to hint as to what was going on.

But before I could get any closer, the pounding resumed. When I had finally given up on trying to figure out what it was, I went to another closed door and opened it, carefully peeking in before opening it all the way. Peering around the room, I realised it was the room me and Daryl had slept in. His crossbow was sitting on the desk.

 _Obviously they haven't gone far,_ I thought, coming to the rationalization that Daryl wouldn't go anywhere without his crossbow. All the anxiety seeped out of me then.

I left the door to the room open and went back to the rec room to get my bag. I decided I'd stay in the bedroom to be left alone for when everyone decided to come back from wherever the hell they were.

Did I want to know where they were? Yes. Did that mean I wanted to talk to them? No. Daryl wouldn't leave his crossbow, so it made sense to stay near it. If I was going to be in anyone's company, I'd rather it be Daryl.

I didn't use to mind Lori too much, she was nice and had tried to help me. But I was utterly confused with what had happened with her and Shane, and her words from earlier did nothing to ease the turmoil in my head.

 _Sometimes men do things . . ._

I liked Carl, I sometimes felt annoyed around him but I don't think it was him I was annoyed with. I think it was how much he talked, I liked it sometimes, I liked hearing him talk. But I only grew agitated when he was asking me questions, trying to get me to talk.

I wanted to avoid Shane as much as I possibly could. I wasn't sure if I was exactly scared of him, but I definitely wasn't put at ease by his presence.

Thinking about it, I wasn't sure if hiding myself in Daryl's room really meant I'd be left alone. It wasn't exactly his room, none of these rooms were anyones. So, really, anyone could go anywhere.

When I got into the rec room, I went over to the couch and picked up my bag, swing it over my shoulders. My eyes caught the bookshelf and I was reminded of how I usually got left alone. Back at camp, I would hold a book and that usually made people leave me alone, for whatever reason. It was like pretending to read made me invisible, it was a trick I learned at school. If they thought I was reading, they wouldn't look twice at me, the kids were the same way.

I went over to the books, grazing my hands over the bindings until I picked one. It was a green hardcover with black letters on the binding and front. Then I made my way back to the bedroom, on my way I noticed that the pounding on the metal barrier had stopped again.

I closed the door behind me, I walked over to the bed, dropping the book on it while dropping the bag to the floor. I sat on the bed and sighed.

I picked up my bag again and looked inside, staring. Almost as if I stared long enough, something would magically appear and cure my boredom. After a few minutes, I dropped the bag again.

I went to the bathroom and closed the door behind me. It was nice to use an actual toilet after so long, not that it mattered to me that much. I had spent most of my life camping.

When I finished, I washed my hands. I leaned forward in the sink and used my hand to drink water from the tap. With the tap water rushing right by my ears, I didn't hear the sound, but I felt the vibration under my feet again.

I lifted my head and turned the tap off just in time for it to stop. I heard thudding from the hallways, several pairs of feet, and yelling. They were yelling things like _go_ and _hurry up._

I heard a door open close to me and I guessed it was the bedroom door, along with loud footsteps that seemed rushed.

I opened the door to the bathroom and stepped out, just in time to see Daryl disappear behind the doorway, leaving the door open behind him. I saw a couple other bodies run by the door, most of them still yelling.

I glanced at the desk to see that Daryl's crossbow was gone.

"Hey!" One of the voices yelled above some of the rest, it sounded like Glenn but I wasn't sure, "we've got four minutes left! Come on!"

Confused as always, I picked up my bag and the book, shoving the book into my bag before slinging it over my shoulders.

I walked out of the room, my backpack hanging off my back. I looked down the hall to see a couple of the bodies turn the corner. I looked the other way, the metal barrier had disappeared.

 _What is going on?_

I walked toward the Big Room, wondering if there was some kind of switch or button that closed the room off.

I wasn't sure if everyone had run in the same direction, I didn't know why they were running or where they were going.

 _Whatever, what else is new?_ I thought. _I never know anything._

I walked into the Big Room onto the catwalk ramp, I eyed the walls as I walked through the entrance. Looking for a hint as to how the door was closed. I didn't see anything and kept walking. I saw Jacqui at the end of the ramp, her back turned to me. She was walking toward the Doctor who was sitting in a chair at a desk. Andrea wasn't far from him, she was sitting on the floor, hugging her legs to her chest.

The Doctor looked at Jacqui, then his eyes flickered to me. He stood from his chair, staring. Jacqui stopped in her tracks. She followed his eyes and her jaw dropped when she saw me. Her eyes were wet and I guessed she'd been crying.

"What . . . What are you doing here?"

 _What kind of a question is that?_

 _ **Third POV**_

Daryl wasn't sure when or how the former cop had gotten a grenade. But he was glad for it all the same, the explosive had given them a way out.

After the glass from the window had shattered and fell, everyone had rushed toward it. Dale was standing in the window, helping the little blonde girl up as Carol lifted her. T-Dog was standing in the window too, reaching as Shane was lifting one of their bags to him.

Rick was helping Carl as Lori climbed up herself to bring her son up. Daryl walked toward their only exit with his crossbow hanging over his shoulder, he was about to climb up himself when he was stopped by T-Dog's voice.

"Wait, man, where's Toby?"

Daryl paused, looking over at T-Dog on the ledge, he was holding a bag Shane had passed to him. Shane glanced over at Daryl, eyes widened and panicked. Then Shane turned his head from Daryl, looking around.

Daryl stared at T-Dog, baffled for a long moment. The name confused him at first, as if he couldn't recall who that was exactly. Once it came to him, he motioned behind him with his arm.

"She's right-" Daryl's mouth stopped moving as soon as he turned to the empty space behind him. Just as he had with Shane, he stared at the empty space, at a loss and confused. After a long moment of just staring, Daryl practically twirled around, doing a full three-sixty only to see the same result in all directions.

Daryl stopped, trying hard to think of the last time he saw his small follower.

That girl was always around, even more so once his brother had gone missing, the girl would silently trail behind him. Though it wasn't him she was following, it was Merle. Daryl had become so accustomed to her presence, it hadn't occurred to him that she wouldn't follow. It didn't occur to him to even look, he never had to think of her being there. She was always so quiet, usually only speaking when spoken to and listened to instruction when given it.

Daryl's face scrunched up in frustration, _she wasn't there._

 _The one time he needed her to be, the one time she was supposed to be there, she wasn't._

"Fuck," he cursed, quickly turning and running back the way they'd come.

 _ **Toby's POV**_

Jacqui had her hands on my shoulders, pushing me backwards.

"Go! You need to get out of here! Go, get out, _now_!"

Jacqui was yelling at me, her voice panicked. Her _v_ oice wasn't cracking so it didn't seem like she was crying, but the tears were there, streaming effortlessly down her cheeks.

"What-" Jacqui doesn't even give me the chance to speak.

"-There's no time, get out!"

I didn't understand. _Why had everyone else run out so quickly? Why were these three staying? And why was I being yelled at?_ I was stepping backwards, but I wasn't sure where she wanted me to go or why, did she just want me to leave the room? Why was she crying?

Jacqui stopped, looking up behind me. I turned around, hearing feet pound against the tiled floor. Along with that, I heard yelling, I recognised the voice almost immediately.

Daryl appeared at the top of the ramp, stopping in his tracks. He was panting, but only slightly. His face was red and he was sweating, his crossbow hung over his left shoulder.

"The hell are ya doin'?!" He yelled out, "Let's go, we gotta get the fuck out!"

Daryl rushed toward me as Jacqui gives me one harsh push into his direction.

"Go, get out! Get her out!" She yelled.

I looked at Jacqui, freezing into place. Panic was settling in and I had no idea what I should've been panicked about. Jacqui took several steps back, away from me, she crossed arms around her rib cage, as if hugging herself.

I turned back to Daryl as he reached me, without a word his arm wrapped around my waist and he hoisted me over his shoulder. I yelped in surprise, wriggling in protest as he began running back up the ramp and leaving the Big Room.

I push my hands against his back, trying to see around me.

"Stop fucking squirming!"

I obeyed trying to stay still while also trying to look around. Soon enough, stairs appeared under his feet and he was running up them.

After a while of running Daryl finally stopped, hoisting me up in the air and yelling at me to get up. I turned myself to climb up onto a ledge that lead outside. The ledge had to have been about seven feet above the ground, but I didn't have to worry about that, not that I would've, I've jumped from that height before.

Shane was on the ground, once he spotted me he ran toward the ledge and reached his arms up to help me down. I moved my legs to dangle them over the ledge but stop when I felt a sharp pain. I glanced down at my left leg. The pajama pants that I were wearing had torn a little. I turned my head to see some glass sticking out of the ledge.

 _Shit_

I jumped down and Shane caught me, helping me onto my feet. I turned and didn't move until Daryl made his way down. They both started running once again and I ran after them.

"Come on!" Shane yelled, "let's go, let's go!"

A far distance ahead I could see the RV and the other cars. I saw some of the group gathering into the RV.

We ran across the front lawn, of course we weren't the only ones there. We had to jump over several corpses that seemed fully dead. We were running toward a walking corpse, a Walker. Once we got close enough, Shane lifted his gun and shot it down. Another was approaching us from the side, Daryl lifted his crossbow, but instead of shooting it he swung it at the Walkers head, blood exploded from it and then it fell to the ground. Daryl didn't even slow down.

Once we were with twenty feet of the RV, Glenn showed himself out of the door, yelling.

"Get down!" He screamed at us. Lori stuck her head out of the passenger side window, yelling the same thing.

Daryl pulled me to the side, practically diving down behind a sandbag barrier left behind by the army. I was kneeling on the ground, then Daryl put his hand on my back and pushed me down to the ground with him.

I was so confused with what was going on, but soon enough, I was hearing it. Thousands of pieces of glass, steel, and rock, sounding like a deadly rainfall, showered down. The sounds were shrill and deafening. My senses felt as if they had been assaulted once a harsh wind seemed to blow through me, feeling like a shockwave.

The sound seemed to drown out and all I could hear was a loud ringing in my ears. The ground trembled beneath me, feeling as if something under me was continuously banging on the ground below me. I was afraid it wouldn't end, and for the next few minutes, I was so sure it wouldn't.

There was still a loud ringing in my ears as I felt Daryl move beside me. He got up on his knees, looking over the sandbag barrier.

Daryl stood up, his hands on his head. He glanced toward the RV as some of the group came out, staring with exasperated expressions. It looked like some of them were talking, but I couldn't hear.

Carol and Sophia got out of the car that was parked in front of the RV.

With shaky legs, I slowly stood up, gazing past the sandbag barrier. The building was gone, well, it wasn't gone as much as it was in pieces. It was just a giant pile of rubble and ruin. There were small fires still lit and spread out, and smoke filling the sky.

I stared at what was left of the building, thinking about Jacqui and Andrea. I glanced around quickly, not seeing them. I knew they hadn't followed us out, but I couldn't believe this.

 _Are they dead?_ I knew it was a stupid question, but it didn't feel real. If everyone knew what was going on why hadn't they gotten out? This wasn't right. I felt a sick feeling creep into my stomach just as the ringing in my ears began to subside.

"Andrea?"

I looked at Dale, who had just climbed out of the RV. He was looking around frantically. Shane, who was a very little distance away from me, shook his head at him with a sad expression.

Dale shook his head back in disbelief, muttering a series of no's.

I watched Dale as he crumpled to the ground on his knees. Shane went over to him, putting an awkward hand on his shoulder.

Daryl stepped in front of me, his expression hard. My lips parted in surprise at his expression and his advance on me.

"What the hell were ya thinkin'? Ya got a death wish? Or're ya jus' stupid?"

I stared blankly at Daryl, his harsh tone shocked me into silence. I wanted to take a step back but I felt frozen in place, anxiety flooding my core. _Why is he mad at me?_

"Ya 'ave ta pay attention Goddammit! There're dead people walkin' 'round, ya can't jus' be roamin' 'round. Ya 'ave ta stick ta the group. If ya did, this shit wouldn't've 'appened!"

Rick appeared beside Daryl, placing a hand on his chest, as if to try and push him back. "Daryl, you're the adult. It's your responsibility to keep your eyes on her."

"My responsibility?" Daryl smacked Rick's arm away, "You fuckin' kiddin'? None of ya assholes wanted her 'round us in the first place." Daryl's hand shifted, pointing to Shane, "what was tha' 'e said las' night? 'Bout how ya'll knew jus' why Merle kept her 'round? My responsibility my ass! You're only saying tha' bullshit 'cause you don' want 'er!"

"None of that is true," Rick argued.

"Bullshit! Ya hardly even bother lookin' at the kid! You can all go fuck yourselves, fuckin' hypocrites. Don' fuckin' tell me what my responsibility is. Any of ya could've ran your ass down there! Jus' 'cause she follows me 'round like a lost puppy, doesn' make 'er my responsibility! I could've fuckin' died goin' back down there for 'er. You jus' don' give a shit."

Lori, who was several steps away, tried to speak up. Her cheeks were wet and her voice was uneven, she had obviously been crying. "that's not-"

"-I'm not talkin' to you, you can't even watch your own kid!" Daryl turned back to me, fuming with anger. "You really are jus; stupid. What the hell even goes through ya head when you do this shit? Going 'round the fuckin' woods alone with nothin' but a tiny knife, fucking dumb. Lookin' in an unchecked room with 'nother stupid kid as your backup, standin' there like an idiot when the fuckin' building is gonna blow up-I'll tell ya what, nothin'! Ya don' think at all!"

Glenn stepped forward, his expression cautious, "hey, take it easy! She's just a kid, she doesn't know-"

"-Stay the hell out of this!"

Glenn held his hands out, as if to surrender, "please don't hit me, I-I just want to say-I just think that your-your right."

"Then shut the fuck up an' mind your own business."

"Just hear me out, I think you're right. She does need to be looked after, it should be someone's responsibility, like one person. Because if we leave it to the whole group, everyone would always assume someone else is watching her and then, what happened today will keep happening."

"Got a point, we pass the kid around like a hot potato. It shouldn't be Daryl just because none of us know what to do with her. She needs a constant, like a guardian." T-Dog said.

"He's right, she needs a parent." Lori said. "This isn't the time or the place to time or the place to discuss this, we need to leave. The Walkers will be coming, we just lost people. We need to eave and gain our grounds."

"People, we gotta move! Now!" Shane yelled.

We followed Shane's eyes, to see what had caught his attention. Walkers were coming, and we were sure more would follow.

"Get in the truck," Daryl told me.

* * *

The ride, as usual was quiet. I sat still looking at my hands on my lap. I was honestly too afraid to look at Daryl, I was afraid he'd yell more. I didn't fully get why I was in trouble, I didn't understand why the building had blown up. _Why had Andrea and Jacqui just stayed? Didn't they know what would happen?_ The Doctor had stayed too, but I didn't really feel anything toward him. Just indifference.

I felt a burning sensation on my right leg, I lifted my leg onto the seat and pulled up the pant leg. My eyes widened to see a mess of blood. "Oh, ow." I breathed out, remembering that I had cut myself on the glass on the way out of the building.

"How did ya do tha'?" Daryl asked.

I glanced at him, not sure what to say. He still looked mad.

"Holy shit, why didn' ya fuckin' say somethin'?"

Before I could even attempt an answer, Daryl honked the horn once. Once he'd done that, the RV in front of us pulling into a parking lot. Daryl parked and got out of the car.

I watched as he went over to Dale, who had gotten out of the RV. They talked for a minute, Dale motioned toward what looked like a corner store that the parking lot belonged to.

Then Daryl turned back and started back to the truck. I thought he would go to the back or go back to the drivers side, but instead, he opened the passenger door, leaning in.

"Lem'me see it," he said, reaching out.

I flinched out of reflex, confused and not expecting it. He noticed and sighed, leaning against the door. "I'm not mad an' I ain't gonna yell at ya, jus' show me your leg."

I hesitated then twisted my body so both my legs hung off the seat in the doorway. The amount of blood on my leg scared me, I couldn't locate or see how long the cut was. It didn't hurt that much, it stung a little but nothing more than that.

Daryl stared at it for a short moment before sighing. He put his fingers through the hole in the pant leg and pulled, he ripped until it was completely off of my calf. The right pant leg only went up to my knee now, while the other still down to my ankle. I felt a little anxious, considering the pants weren't mine, but he had already done it. I bit my lip and stayed silent. He stood up straight and went to the back of the truck where the motorcycle was. I leaned out to watch him as he reached into the back and pull out a bag.

He dropped the bag on the ground then crouched to it, unzipping it and the looking through it. He pulled out some kind of shirt and walked back to me. He lowered himself in front of me, going in eye level with my leg. He put the shirt between his teeth and pulled, I flinched at the ripping sound.

With one half of the shirt he began wiping at the blood on my leg.

"I shouldn't've lost it on ya like that," he said quietly, "I didn' even realize ya weren't in the room when shit went down, I should've, but I didn'."

"I wasn' bad?"

He shook his head, not looking at me, "nah, everythin' went ta shit real quick. Le's jus' be glad we got outta there."

"What 'appened? Why'd it blow up?"

"I's complicated, no point in thinkin' 'bout it now. I's over, done," he shrugged. Some of the blood had dried so he had to rub harder. The cut was visible now, it was thick and maybe two inches long, "not as bad as it looked."

"Did Jacqui an' Andrea know? What about tha' Doctor guy?"

He sighed again. Throwing the bloody rag aside he grabbed the other half of the shirt, ripping it again. "Nothin' I tell ya is gonna be the right thing. You're just a kid, there're too many things ya can't understand."

"Can I try?"

He shook his head as he finished tying the rag around my calf, "there, now don' touch it. I ain't doin' this shit again if ya fuck with it."

"Thanks," I said.

"Go over there with the others, gonna try an' find gas, look 'round."

I nodded and jumped down, walking toward some of the others near the RV. I glanced back several time at Daryl, he wasn't looking back.

Not everyone was out, I assumed some were still in the RV or in their own car. I wasn't even sure how long we were stopping for. I saw Shane and Glenn working on the door to the convenience store.

I wondered what could be inside, if nothing had been taken yet. Thinking about it, I started wondering if there would be any crayons. It was a silly thing to think about, I knew that, and I did already have crayons. But thinking about that missing yellow crayon made me frustrated.

I didn't really even like colouring that much, but what else could I do to pass the time? Shane and Glenn were right there so I wouldn't be alone, from what Daryl said earlier, it sounded like if I went off alone again, he'd get mad.

I looked around the parking lot, the RV was really close. Dale was there and I saw Sophia and Carol going to him and starting to talk. The only one that was far away was Daryl and his truck, no one was really alone.

I started toward Shane and Glenn. They had managed to open the door just as I neared them.

"Hey, hold up," T-Dog ran up beside me. I stopped walking and he stood with me, "what're you up to?"

Wordlessly, I pointed at Glenn and Shane.

"Yeah, I don't think that's a good idea. Maybe you can just go and chill in the RV for a bit."

"Why? Can't I look too?"

"Look? You looking for anything in particular?"

I shrugged, looking away.

"If you wanna tell me what you're looking for I can check for you. We can't stay here long and we can't waste much time while we're getting gas and looking for food. That's why it's better for you to stay out here, close by the cars. You hear me?"

"Yes, mister."

"And what happened to your pants?"

"I got cut, Daryl fixed it."

He nodded, "gonna tell me what you're looking for?"

I opened my mouth but stopped. Me and T-Dog looked away from each other when we heard honking. Daryl was standing on the driver's side of his truck, he was honking the horn and yelling at the top of his lungs.

"Go! They're comin',le's get the fuck outta here! NOW!" He kept yelling and we all saw not too far from behind his truck, filling the street was a horde of Walkers. Everyone else started yelling too, running to their vehicles.

I started to run toward Daryl's truck, I was scared because of how close the Walkers were and I was actually running toward them. Daryl slammed his door and started the truck. I stopped running just as some of the corpses reach his truck, banging on it. Couldn't believe how many there were. Some of them stopped at Daryl's truck and some kept going.

"The RV!" He yelled at me. I nodded and turned just as the RV was set in motion.

Glenn had just hopped in as it started moving, leaning out of the door and watching Shane as he ran toward it. I ran as fast as I could, trying to catch up with Shane.

Glenn yelled something at Shane when he noticed me, Shane looked behind him, surprised to see me. He slowed himself, yelling at me to run faster.

Soon enough, I was running as fast as I could alongside Shane, I knew he could run faster but he slowed his pace, so he was only just ahead of me. He urged me to run faster, it angered me that he didn't think I was going as fast as I could. With dozens of corpses chasing us, why would I run slow?

I was mad they started the RV already, but I figured there was a reason, them needing the head start, though I wished they would've waited. I couldn't think about it too much as my shoes pounded on the pavement.

Glenn was at the RV door, reaching his arm and yelling too. I didn't know who he was yelling at, maybe Shane, maybe me, maybe both. I couldn't hear what anyone is saying, only the blood pumping in my ears and the urge to run was in my thoughts.

I could hear the snarling of the Walkers, the sound of them so close I was sobbing in fear.

Shane was closer and able to latch onto Glenn's arm, Glenn pulled him in. Shane then held onto the RV. He positioned himself so he had one leg and one arm in the RV, the rest of his body was hanging off in attempt to get closer to me as he reached out. He was yelling but I still couldn't make it out, the corpses, the Walkers were getting so much louder.

I jumped toward Shane, grabbing onto his arm. He started pulling me inside when I felt something wrap around my leg and weigh it down. I screamed and Shane didn't let go, his one hand held my elbow tightly as both of mine held his arm. His other arm was still holding onto the RV.

When the new weight was added I'm almost pulled to the ground and Shane fought to keep me up. I glanced back, knowing exactly what had a hold of me but not wanting to believe it.

I almost screamed again but found I had no voice, I was just sobbing, whining, silently begging for him to pull me in. I tried kicking off the Walker but it wouldn't release my leg, Shane's face was turning red, showing the effort it was taking to pull me in.

He's yelling behind him for help and I saw T-Dog, he reached for me, grabbing a hold of my arms, I use one of my hands to grab onto T-Dog but won't let go of Shane with the other.

T-Dog was pulling me up, along with Shane, when he seemed to have a good grip on me, Shane let go of me with his hand, reaching into his belt for his gun. He aimed behind me and I heard the loud bang ring in my ears.

As soon as the bullet was fired, the weight was gone from my leg and I was released. With the weight gone, I was practically thrown into the RV. I heard the door slam shut, but I kept my eyes closed, trying to breathe as I lay on the floor.

I felt something touch my leg and I yelped, jumping away. I turned to Shane, he was panting, his hair wet from sweat.

"It-it's okay, I was just checking if-"

Without a thought a leapt at him, causing him to stumble back as I wrapped my arms around his neck. I tried not to cry, I did, I wanted to hold it back but the tears fell anyway and I felt myself shaking.

 ** _Third POV_**

Shane looked down at the girl that had latched onto him. He was panting and trying to catch his breath, but having the young girls weight on him didn't help. He didn't complain, he felt relief in that moment, he felt thankful. The tight grip she had on his neck provided him with a sort of comfort, he felt reassured.

She was sobbing quietly, shaking fiercely. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her as he rubbed her back, trying to calm her as well as himself.

"It's alright, you're okay. We're safe, it's fine, you're . . ." He trailed off, a knot forming in his stomach. He really didn't know if she was fine or not. He held her tight with one arm while he used the other to lift himself, then he sat himself in the booth of the RV.

Aside from the shaking, the girl hadn't moved or even loosened her grip. Both her legs were together, stretched out to the side of him, hanging limply.

T-Dog, who was sitting on the couch across from the booth, watched the two closely. Dale had been doing the same, sitting close to T-Dog.

"T," Shane let out, still not breathing right. He motioned with his head to her legs, "her leg, can you . . ."

T-Dog nodded, understanding his request. He knelt to the floor close to them as Shane shifted the girls weight, so T-Dog could get a better look.

As T-Dog slowly took hold of her leg to inspect it, Shane spoke, "left, it was the left."

The bald man nodded, inspecting her leg gently. She was wearing purple pants that Shane knew didn't belong to her. The right pant leg was ripped at the knee, he wasn't sure when that had happened but knew it wasn't like that before. There was some cloth or something wrapped around her calf, he spotted a little dried blood. He didn't concern himself with it, he knew it wasn't a bite, he would ask later. T-Dog lifted her pant leg, inspecting before sighing with relief.

"Nothin," he told the former sheriff's deputy, "no bite, no scratches, she's good."

Shane let out a breath. Then he was startled as the girl's grip went slack, her arms falling, her once tense body had relaxed.

Shane shifted her so he could get a view of her face.

Concern flashed across T-Dog's features, "is she-"

"-passed out," Shane answered. He saw Carl, standing next to the passenger seat, staring at them, "It's okay, bud. She's breathing, it's fine. She'll be fine in a minute."

"The adrenalin," Dale concluded, staring at her, "must've gotten to her."

T-Dog nodded, moving himself back to the couch, a foot of space in between him and the older man.

Looking at Lori, he could see the indifference on her face as she coaxed Carl to look away and sit with her. It was obvious Carl had been worried, and happy that not only the girl had made it, but Shane too. He knew that Lori hated the fact that Carl cared so much for him, she had wanted to cut off all ties.

Shane understood, on some level. He understood, with Rick alive they could no longer continue their affair. But to cut off all ties, shut him out, forbid him from talking to her or her son when he had protected and provided for them, that was what he didn't understand. He refused to believe the act Lori had put on, he refused to believe she had never loved him like he loved her.

Shane was angry that Lori could even think that he lied about Rick being dead. At the time, he had truly believed their was no way his best friend could make it, he still didn't believe it. But there he was, alive. What could he possibly have to gain from lying like that? Did she really think that he lied to get with her?

Shane shook his head to himself, he knew he had to get rid of those thoughts. She wanted to cut all ties, he had no choice but to grant her wish, even if it killed him inside.

It made him deeply regret not making the choice to settle down and start a family, instead he focused on work. Not that he hadn't dated, he had, it just never lasted. When all hell broke lose he found himself immediately taking Carl and Lori to safety. He had no family of his own to protect. He took care of Lori and they had gotten together. He took care of Carl as if he was his own, and suddenly, he had a family. Only for it to be ripped away.

Shane was happy his friend was alive, but he couldn't help feeling grief from it. Carl and Lori didn't need him anymore, so Lori had practically cut him off at the knees. But there was someone who did need to be protected, someone who didn't have a father, he realized as he rubbed the girl's back.

A burst of purpose burst through Shane, it filled him up. He had something to focus on, to distract him from his issues with Lori.

"Shane," Rick called from the driver's seat as he steered the RV, "how you doing?"

Shane blinked, dragging himself out of his thoughts as he took a deep breath, still having trouble, "th-they may be slow but . . . but they don't-they don't tire and they just _keep coming_."

"Good thing to know." Rick replied after a moment, glancing at his friend.

"Thank you," Shane said, looking around the RV.

"Don't thank us, thank Daryl," Lori told him from the passenger seat, not bothering to look back. "he's the one that noticed."

Lori wasn't sure why, but the sight of Shane holding Toby disturbed her greatly. She had no right to say anything, she knew that, she wasn't the girl's mother and Shane had just saved her life. She wondered why it felt so wrong to her, maybe it was because of her history with her husbands best friend, maybe she was more disturbed with herself and was blaming it on Shane.

But what did that have to do with Toby? From the beginning Shane had done his best with her, he took care of her when no one else would. Of course Lori had done what she could, her focus was on her son and the girl expressed no interest to acknowledge any of their existences until recently.

Lori thought back to when they found the girl. Shane's theory was that her father had left and didn't come back by choice. That thought made Lori sick, she refused to believe that. Who would jus leave their child? Abandon their child willingly. No, she wouldn't believe that. Anything could've happened that night.

Then she felt guilt, thinking she could've done more, that she should've. But what could she do? The girl never wanted to make eye contact much less talk.

 _Try harder._

Lori mentally nodded to herself at the thought, that was all she could do, was keep trying. She decided she would help Toby in whatever way she could, she didn't deserve to be alone. She had known the group for weeks and the only one she seemed to trust was Daryl Dixon and his brother, which completely baffled Lori.

"Rick, you got any moves left?" Lori heard Shane question.

Rick hesitated, "I got one."

"Is it good?"

"It occurs to me we have some friends in this city. Glenn, what do you think?" Rick glanced behind him at Glenn.

Glenn thought for a moment before nodding enthusiastically, "yeah!"

"It'll buy us some time," Rick decided, "a night or two until we figure out what we're doing."

Dale, Shane and Lori eyed them skeptically.

"The-the nursing home," Glenn sputtered, trying to explain. He was overcome with relief and excitement. "Guillermo and his people."

Dale's eyes widened, "the people who took you hostage when you went after Merle?"

"We parted on good enough terms," Rick explained.

"Good enough doesn't boad me over with confidence." Dale muttered.

"You weren't there, you didn't see how Rick handled things. They're our friends, they'll take us in." Glenn assured.

Shane didn't say anything, he wasn't sure how much he agreed with Rick's plan, his last plan hadn't worked out so well. But they didn't have another choice. They didn't have much gas left, and had no food or water. They needed to find a place to collect themselves and make a plan.

Shane looked down at the girl in his arms, his thoughts going back to her.

He thought about what had happened the night before, mentally punching himself for what he had done to Lori. He hated himself for it, then he took it out on Toby. He wasn't sure how he would make up for it, if he could. He wasn't sure why he had done that, what had made him lose control. He hadn't gotten the chance to talk to her and wasn't sure if he should, he didn't know how she felt about what happened or if she understood. He knew he had scared her, and hoped she wouldn't continue to be scared of him, the last thing he wanted to do to the poor girl was scare her, she had had enough of that already. He thought about how things had finally been going well, when they stayed at the school he had talked to her, and she had laughed. But now, any progress he made was now shattered.

He hated how things had ended, how they had to end with Lori and Carl, but Carl had his mother and father to protect him. Toby didn't have anyone.

It seemed as if everyone in their group related to one another, had some kind of relationship. Even with the people they lost, T-Dog and Dale could be seen talking frequently. Dale was kind, he could be very opinionated at times but the others respected that, he had lost Andrea, who he seemed close to, but he still had friends among the group. Glenn had done a lot for the group, before Merle got left behind he went on runs and brought supplies from Atlanta by himself. He had earned respect and appreciation from everyone.

T-Dog was brave, he risked himself a lot for the group and always did what he could. Shane had seen him offering his help to Carol frequently since she lost her husband. T-Dog was a friend, he was trusted.

Rick had disappointed some of them with the outcome of the CDC, but he had his family. Lori, Carl, and Rick all had each other. Sophia and Carol had each other as well.

Shane had been the leader, trusted, respected, they looked up to him. But it seemed ever since Rick showed his face, Shane was cut off. He couldn't explain it. It wasn't just from Lori, he felt completely severed and separated from the group. When there was a question, concerns, ideas, they were spoken to Rick. No one had even looked to Shane anymore. Shane had been good friends with Rick, but he was guilty and knew their relationship had been severed too, even if Rick didn't see it yet.

Shane didn't know what to think of Daryl, he didn't want to think of Daryl. But that crossbow wielding redneck had done his part, and they were thankful.

Toby didn't have a part to play. She couldn't protect the group, be on watch, or go on runs. She couldn't make plans or decisions. At her young age, Toby had nothing to offer. The others were either, trusted, respected, loved, or even gratified.

Toby was pitied.

"Once we get far enough away," Rick spoke, breaking Shane out of his trance, "we'll pull over, let Carol and Sophia know about the plan, as well as Daryl."

"Are they alright? I didn't see if they had . . ." Dale trailed off, not wanting to continue.

"Carol and Sophia are ahead of us, in the Cherokee, Daryl's tailing."

The relief in Dale was obvious, his shoulders had relaxed and he let out a breath he may or may not have been holding.

Shane felt Toby squirm in his grip, lifting her head and looking up at him. Her eyebrows had furrowed, she looked startled. She started to jerk herself away from his hold and Shane could feel her breath speeding up. He held her tighter, trying to calm her down.

He leaned in close to her, whispering assurances, that they were safe, that they were okay. The she had stopped moving, but her muscles were still tense.

He slowly released her and she got up, swaying a little. Shane held his arms out in case she would fall, but she regained her balance. Dale coaxed her over to him, she sat on the couch between Dale and T-Dog.

Dale put a hand on her shoulder, talking to her. Shane saw and practically felt her muscles tense up once again. Dale either didn't notice, or was pretending he didn't. Instead of looking at him while he talked Toby was staring at his hand on her.

Shane was trained to know and see the signs of domestic abuse while working in law enforcement. He hadn't noticed right away with Toby, but the signs became painfully obvious after her first couple days with them.

He knew almost any physical contact with her was far too intimate for her to handle. She was confused and didn't understand it. He wasn't entirely sure what was going through her head, but one of Shane's guesses was she was waiting for whatever contact she was given, to become violent.

That was what it looked like as she stared at Dale's hand, like she was waiting.

Shane would put his hand on her back or shoulder, touching her on purpose. He knew it would make her uncomfortable but he was attempting to show her he wouldn't hurt her. He wanted to show that he was good, he was trying to get her used to it. So she wouldn't be afraid.

Then he once again remembered the night before, when he had scared her. Any and all progress made with her, gone.

Shane was trained in detecting the signs of an unfit home for a child. If there was a domestic dispute call, it was his job to sort out what happened and where they would continue from that.

Him and Rick lived in a small town, it hadn't happened a lot, but twice he had been involved in turning children in to social services.

But he wasn't trained with what to do after the fact, that was a whole other department. He wasn't sure what to do with Toby or what to say to her or even how to say it. He didn't know how to mke things better for her.

Soon enough, Rick had honked the horn once and was pulling the RV over. Rick had just opened the driver door when the RV door opened.

Rick paused, looking over at Daryl as he peered in.

"Was just about to come to you," Rick told him.

Daryl grunted, his voice low as he glanced at Toby, "jus' checkin' on the kid."

"Shane saved her," Glenn blurted, the relief of them all getting out of there alive was getting to him, mixed with the excitement of the newly hatched plan. "The-The Geeks were too close we had to start the RV, but I helped Shane and he almost got her in before one of them grabbed her."

Glenn was speaking so fast it took Daryl a moment to comprehend what he said, once it did, before he could react Dale assured him.

"Shane killed it, got her in just in time, she's just fine. Tuckered and stressed out for sure, but okay to say the least."

Daryl's eyes flickered over to Shane, his expression hardening slightly. Shane fought to keep his face free of emotion, attempting to not show the triumph he felt.

 _He had saved her, not Daryl._

After a few moments, the silence became awkward, Glenn hadn't spoken again at first, knowing he had unintentionally caused some kind of tension he didn't understand between the two men. But when it seemed no one would speak, he did, "Uh, Rick came up with a plan."

Daryl turned his head to Rick curiously.

"Guillermo, the nursing home. See if he won't mind us staying a night or two, formulate a better plan." Rick said.

Daryl though for a moment, "got 'nough gas?"

Rick glanced at the dashboard then back to Daryl, "maybe just enough. You?"

"Same, got my brothers bike though if it doesn' hold up."

"I'm going to go talk to Carol," T-Dog said, getting up and gently pushing passed Daryl.

Glenn and Rick discussed routes to take to the nursing home for the next few minutes. Daryl listened in silence, he didn't have any input to give in, he didn't know Atlanta that well. He watched them as Glenn went in front of Rick as he sat in the driver's seat, gesturing to different things on a map.

Once they decided on something, Glenn explained it to Daryl, showing him on the map as well. Daryl gave a curt nod in understanding.

He was about to leave when he took another glance at the girl sitting on the couch next to Dale. He feet barely reached the floor of the RV as she gently kicked them back and forth. Her head was down but her eyes were looking up at Daryl, as if trying to hide it.

Daryl's gaze flickered to Shane again, who was staring back at him. Shane's eyes were hard, the one corner of his mouth tilted upwards so slightly you could barely notice. Daryl immediately took the expression in as smug, as if he had won something.

"Le's go, you're ridin' with me." He said to her, nodding his head at the door as he turned.

Her head lifted, eyes lighting up as she jumped from her seat.

Daryl didn't even bother to look back at Shane before leaving as Toby followed.

Shane watched them leave with clenched teeth until the door shut, even then he leaned toward the window closest to him to see her following close behind the crossbow wielding redneck.

Shane was once again reminded how he had ruined his progress with Toby. _Why did she always go to him?_

As soon as he had the chance, he would try to mend things, he had to. It had been ending badly with Lori and Carl, no way was he going to let that happen with Toby.

She didn't have anyone else. She didn't need anyone else, Shane decided, he was what she needed, he would take care of her, like he did Carl.

 _She needs a parent_ , Lori's voice echoed in his head.

Shane ran a hand through his hair as that thought rang through his mind, relaxing him slightly as it filled him with determination.

 _He would be her family._

And hell if he was going to let _Daryl Dixon_ get in the way.

 ** _Toby's POV_**

"Why are we goin' to a nursin' 'ome?" I asked Daryl as he drove.

I wasn't sure if he was still mad at me, it didn't seem like he was. He didn't look angry anymore, maybe just slightly irritated. But he helped me with my leg, he wouldn't have done that if he was mad right?

He sounded irritated when he told me I'd be riding with him, maybe he was just annoyed I had to ride in the RV because of the Walkers.

I heard a little of the conversation in the RV about the plans they were making. I woke up in Shane's arms, utterly confused and my head hurt. Afterward I had sat with Dale, he explained to me that I fainted.

I was embarrassed, I felt weak, I was pretty sure I'd never fainted before. Then I remembered that night when we had the fish fry, they said I had an allergic reaction and I did pass out. I wondered if that was close to the same thing.

"When we went back ta Atlan'na," Daryl explained, "ran across 'nother group held up at some nursin' 'ome, takin' care of the old people there."

 _More people. What if Daddy was there? What if Merle was?_ As soon as I thought that, I realised if Merle was there, Daryl would've seen him. But Daddy could be there, with the other people. I had only heard about horrible things in Atlanta, maybe he got stuck there and could never leave because of the Walkers?

 _What if he's dead?_

I sunk back into the seat once I thought of Daddy being dead again.

"Are, uh, are we gonna stay there? With the other group?"

He shrugged a shoulder, "not really, not for long anyway. They ain't gonna wanna stay in the city, even if they do, I ain't. Fuck tha'."

I didn't say anything after that, and neither did he. Daryl slowed the truck a little to let the RV drive ahead. Once they cut in front of us, he sped up again.

The further we drove, the more Walkers we saw. The RV swerved and we swerved with it, seeing three Walkers feasting on some bloody mess on the road as we passed it. The Walkers were distracted by us and began leaving their meal.

I felt anxious the entire ride, and that feeling only increased. I glanced at Daryl and he looked back, uneasiness present in his expression.

To my dismay, and seemingly Daryl's, we pulled over with the RV.

"Stay close," he said as he opened his door, "gonna have ta be quick ta get in."

I nodded, adjusting the straps on my backpack as I opened the door. We were parked beside a building in some kind of driveway or alleyway, I wasn't sure.

I followed Daryl as we walked past the RV and caught up with the others. Dale had his rifle and Glenn was holding a shotgun, I did a double take at Glenn. I wasn't sure why it shocked me so much, I almost felt a little unnerved. _Had I ever seen him hold a gun before?_

"What makes you think they'll take in strangers?" Shane asked, walking close behind Rick with his own shotgun.

"With the guns we gave 'em they'll prob'ly throw us a party." Daryl glanced at Rick, walking beside him, "good call, for once."

After a few moments of walking, it was obvious that some of the men were looking around for something.

"Where are the lookouts?" Glenn asked.

I followed them until suddenly, they stopped.

"Son of a bitch!" Shane exclaimed, positioning his shotgun.

Carol gasped, pulling Sophia to her, hiding her face. I took a couple steps to peer past the men, wanting to see what the others saw. I wish I hadn't.

Several bodies were spread out on the ground, dead. Walkers were bent over the bloody corpses, feasting on them. The Walkers noticed us and began making loud growling sounds. The sounds got louder as more and more of them noticed us and decided we may taste better than what they were eating.

Daryl pulled a pistol out of his jeans, aiming it at the Walkers, holding his crossbow in his left hand.

"To hell with the noise," Rick said. He stormed right up to one of the Walkers, shooting it in the head.

At that the others started shooting. I backed away, but not too far. I didn't like the sound of all the gunshots together, it was loud and unnerving, not to mention the attention it was going to draw. I immediately recalled all the Walkers we had passed on the way here.

Lori and Carol seemed huddled up together with their kids, trying to shield them from seeing it all. I wasn't that far from them but I wasn't close. I stood there, feeling like an idiot and kept looking around, waiting and fearing one of them would sneak up behind me.

My knives were still in my bag but I couldn't bring myself to pull them out. It seemed that the others had it under control, with each second, each gunshot, another Walker fell.

Then the gunshots stopped.

For a moment, everyone stood there. Waiting for more to show up. When they were sure that all of them were dead, Rick began running into the building.

"Come on!" He yelled as he ran.

The windows on the doors had been boarded up. But the doors themselves were left unlocked and not blocked by anything.

Walking into the building, we were in a hallway. The hallway was wide, dark, and empty. At least that's what I thought, after a few steps I saw legs sprawled out on the floor, the top half of the person's body was in some room, as if they had been trying to get away.

"Keep your voices down," Shane warned.

I stared at the body as we passed it. There was a pool of blood at the dead woman's head, but other then that, it didn't look like she had been bitten, and I didn't see or hear any Walkers inside. Of course I assumed they'd show themselves soon. This was like the school all over again.

We passed another room, the door was left wide open. Inside, there were two bodies One was an older man lying on the floor. The other was a woman, in a sitting up position, blood spattered on the cupboards she was leaning on.

Once Sophia saw, she gasped and then started crying. Carol pulled her close, shushing her.

"Put a sock in it!" Daryl raised his voice at her.

"Leave her alone," Carol said back in a whisper.

"Shut her up or I will!"

"Back the hell off, I mean now!" Lori scolded, "Are we staying or going?"

"We don't have the fuel," Rick answered.

"We hunker down for tonight, okay?" Shane said, "Rick, you, me, and Daryl, we're gonna sweep the place, make sure we're alone."

Rick turned to Dale and Glenn, "barricade those doors."

They continued talking and I assumed they were making plans, but I didn't listen. I heard something, or at least, I thought I did and turned my head in the direction I thought I heard it from. I tuned out the others, taking a couple steps back to the room with the two bodies.

I stared at them wearily, hoping they wouldn't rise from the dead. It didn't look like they had moved or had made the noise. I took a slow step into the room, looking further into it.

To the left, several feet away was an empty plastic water bottle. It rolled for a few seconds before stopping. I looked into the direction it seemed to have came from. There was a bed at the far end of the room, it looked like a hospital bed.

I walked to the water bottle, it looked like it may have still had more water in it. I lowered myself to pick up the bottle when I caught movement from the top of my eyes.

I looked up, across the room and my eyes widened. Under the bed, from the other side, was a pair of boots.

They were still, but I swear that was what I had seen move. Startled, I stood back up. If it was a Walker it would have stood up, right? But it didn't, whoever or whatever was behind the bed, stayed hidden.

I swallowed nervously, stepping to the side. I was trying to get a view of behind the bed, without actually getting closer. Then I didn't have to.

"Get away!" A man stood from behind the bed, moving away from it as he held up a pistol and aimed it at me, "Get back, I'll shoot!"

I just backed away with my jaw dropped, unsure what to do or say. The man was hispanic, with dark stubble and dark short hair. He was wearing black pants that fit loosely but were fastened with a belt, and a black shirt tucked into his pants. Over his shirt he was wearing a black, striped button up, it was large and he left it unbuttoned, making it hang loosely on his shoulders. He also had a lot gold chain around his neck that hung down his chest, it looked like there was a cross on it.

I heard footsteps behind me and glanced to see some of the others come in, I guessed they must've heard this guy yelling.

Shane aimed his shotgun, coming in front of me,"put the gun down."

"What the fuck?" I heard Daryl say.

The guys panicked expression seemed to slightly soften into confusion at the sight of Daryl. I heard Glenn speak, and turned to him to see him mirroring the same expression of worry and confusion.

"Guillermo?"

* * *

 **YES FINALLY DONE SEASON 1**

 **So sorry for the long wait, I kept getting stuck at this one part and it felt like torture. Luckily, as always Rasha007 helped me out, well actually she practically wrote a shitload of this for me when I got stuck.**

 **So how did you like the third POV and my take on Shane?**

 **And yes, I did kill Andrea. (sorry not sorry) I know she does have fans, but I was never all to thrilled with her character. She's awesome in the comics, but I really didn't want to write her. Instead, as you read, I brought in someone new. He was in one episode in season one and then never seen again: Guillermo, the leader of the Vatos group.**

 **I remember when I first saw that episode and thinking he was an interesting guy, and was pissed off that we never saw him again. So I decided to put him in and keep him around for a while, (some of you were probably expecting Toby's dad, huh?)**

 **Not sure how many of you know of it, but the last part of this chapter was based on a deleted scene. So I cant take any credit for it, the only thing I can take credit for, is Toby and Guillermo being alive.**

 **How would you feel about a Talking Dead chapter? I've seen a couple other walking dead fics do that, and make their oc,an actor and put them in an interview with some others. I was thinking of toby, with Michael Rooker (Merle) and Norman Reedus (Daryl). it wouldn't be very long, but it could be funny. You guys could send in questions for the interview, anything about toby's character, her relationship with people in the group and so on.**

 **Let me know if you'd go for it, and send in any questions for it you might have.**

 **Thank you so much for your patience, I hope you guys liked this chapter. I'm starting school tomorrow, I'm not sure if it'll slow down the next update or not. (honestly I doubt it, because when I get bored during lessons and lectures I write, so I might even be quicker)**

 **So leave a review if you can and if you want, I really appreciate them and they help with motivation. I love hearing what you guys think, and any suggestions, ideas, or even constructive criticism, send it in!**


	13. Gone Baby Gone

**So I did make a Talking Dead chapter, but I posted it as a separate story. It features Michael Rooker (Merle), Jon Bernthal (Shane). and my OC actress who plays Toby. I know it sounds stupid but I had a lot of fun writing it. I hope those who read it enjoy it, if you go to my profile you should find it.**

* * *

The previous several weeks had held a lot of firsts for me, I had always liked doing new things and being taught something new, I wasn't given new opportunities often. But I wasn't particularly happy about these changes. How could I be?

The first time staying with other people, first time in Atlanta (as far as I can remember), first time seeing someone die. First time seeing rotting, human bodies, unless that counted with watching someone die? First time eating fish, which hadn't gone too well, first time watching a building blow up. Oh, and how could I forget my first time killing something that was _already dead._

I stood there, confused and slightly panicking, _the first time someone aiming a gun right at me._

Daryl was close beside me, his crossbow raised, but not exactly aimed, he glanced down at me, confused and hesitant.

"You know this guy?" Shane questioned, he came further into the room, stepping closer to the hispanic man, passing me.

"Yeah." Daryl nodded shortly.

The man had a wild look in his eyes, his teeth clenched and lips upturned into almost a snarl as he shifted the guns aim to Shane.

"Back!" He yelled in a panic.

"Guillermo-" I heard Rick try to say.

"-Rick?" something flashed across Guillermo's face, he almost seemed calm. But it disappeared quickly, as if it hasn't been there. "Why are you here?! Who-Who are these people?! Why did you bring them?"

"Just put the gun down, we're all friends here. Just calm down, these are our people."

"Our group," Glenn continued, "we told you about them. What's going on? What happened here?"

"Calm down?!" He shook his head, I watched in surprise as tears effortlessly fell from his eyes, "You're here, you didn't see them? The dead? You come back with your own people and you want me to calm down?!" He laughed, it sounded strange and I guessed it was meant to be sarcastic, "you came back to take the guns, that it? You're too late. It's gone, all of it, the food, the medicine-what was left of it. They took everything and killed everyone."

"Who?" Glenn asked.

"Lori," Rick said quietly, "go, take the kids and Carol across the hall. Dale, go with them. Please."

I was watching the man closely, as each moment went by he began shaking more and more, more tears cascading down his cheeks as he struggles to hold the gun steady. His face twitched and contracted as he began to sob.

Daryl nudged me, "go, now. Stay with the women."

I didn't move at first, I was almost in a trance. But Daryl nudged me once again with his elbow and I began walking backward. As I did this, the man dropped onto the floor onto his knees, dropping the gun. Shane stepped closer and took the gun.

Once I got closer to the door, Lori pulled me out and into the hall. But not before I saw another first. A grown man crying.

* * *

That sight almost seemed to haunt me as we sat in another room, waiting for the men.

I swatted at a fly buzzing near my ear, there were a lot in the room due to the dead bodies on the far side. They said that after the rest of the group is done we'd be able to find another room or they'd take the bodies out. Now we were just waiting.

It wasn't the tears he shed, or like the few tears that leaked from Rick's eyes when he first saw Carl and Lori again. That man had sobbed and practically howled as he collapsed onto his knees.

I was deeply unsettled. They way his face contorted, the sounds he made, it almost looked fake it seemed so unnatural. It looked as if someone had grabbed the world beneath his feet and yanked it away. No other sound had had such an effect on me, I wasn't sure if I could recall hearing anything worse. It was like he had cried in a way he didn't know how, but was suddenly forced to learn.

Daddy had always taught me that no one should know what you're feeling, they would hold it against you, see how weak you were, lose all respect. It was expected of a woman to cry, he told me, they felt emotions different and weren't seen the same. Men had to be tough, men didn't cry, they set good example for their sons, so they would be strong too.

I never had to think about it much, I just assumed that men didn't actually cry, they couldn't. But now I was seeing that maybe it was that they weren't allowed.

But women were, I remembered asking Daddy if women, girls could cry, why he would get so mad at me?

 _"Girl or boy," he said, "Ain't raising no pussy."_

I wanted to be strong, to have him be proud and not get in trouble. Be exactly how he wanted me to be. He taught me things that he said women shouldn't be taught, but I would be strong, he'd say.

But the last couple weeks, I hadn't been very strong. I was almost glad Daddy hadn't been there to see me. _You're weak, that's why he didn't come back._

I wiped the sweat from my forehead, I was still wearing Sophia's sweater and was tempted to take it off. I tried to think of something else, maybe I should've been concerned about the people that had come here, but even though it had scared me, the people that came, killed, and took everything . . . I couldn't picture them coming back. I mean, it wasn't like we had anything to take right?

 _There's that bag of guns._

 _Oh,_ I remembered. But I still found myself more concerned with the Walkers, they wouldn't think to look for more people at a place they had already stolen from, right? Carl looked really unsettled, leaning against Lori, Lori didn't look any better. Sophia hadn't stopped crying.

I thought, maybe I should've been more upset about this. How many people had died, but . . . I felt indifferent. It didn't matter that much unless they came for us. But if they hadn't come, we might have been eating instead of waiting at this moment.

Sophia was a little girl, she was expected to get scared and cry. Carl, not as much, but as a kid, it's still seen. Grown ups were the strong ones, the ones that had learned control over their emotions. They were the bosses, with power, we had to listen to them until we became adults too.

The man in the other room, the one that if we listened hard enough, we could still hear the sobs. At least I could, I was seated on the floor closest to the open door. The others were against the wall on the other side. He had no power, if he ever had it, it was gone. His crying sounded almost primal, as if his brain was being shredded from the inside.

He wasn't being strong, he was torn apart. I found it much too unsettling, this man had just unraveled before us, with so many dead on the floors. Would that happen to us? People had just kept dying. Ed, Jim, Amy, Jacqui, Andrea. Maybe Merle and Daddy. Would we break like he did?

I heard shuffling and footsteps from a distance, I stood up, stepping into the doorway to look down the hall, wondering if Daryl and the others were done whatever they were doing.

"Toby," Lori said harshly, "where are you going?"

I turned to her, confused. I opened my mouth to say I wasn't going anywhere, but she continued.

"Come here, sit down." She lowered her head to Carl, telling him something I couldn't hear. Then he nodded and went to sit with Sophia. Lori beckoned me again and after eyeing her suspiciously I approached her.

I sat where she motioned me to sit with her against the wall on her left side.

"I know you aren't that big yet, but you are old enough to understand that you need to be more responsible now. Did you even tell someone you were leaving?"

I scrunched my eyebrows, _you don't even know how old I am._

"Look, I'm not saying that Daryl was right to yell at you, because he wasn't. But he was right about you going off. You can't just wander around. What if something happened to you? No one would even know where to look. If you had stayed close, all that at the CDC could have been avoided."

The familiar letters struck a cord in my brain, _oh yeah that's where we were. Daryl said they made medicine._

Lori stared at me as I thought over her words. _Is she saying it was my fault? I had nothing to do with the building blowing up, how was I supposed to know it would even happen? Nobody cares where the hell I am until something's going to blow up._

Lori continued to stare at me firmly, "Do you understand what I'm saying? You need to pay attention to your surroundings-"

"-It's not my fault no one tells me shit," I exclaimed angrily.

Lori's eyes widened in anger, she took my jaw into her hand, it was a soft gesture, but an angry one. She forced me to look at her and pulled my face closer to hers. I'd seen her do it before to Carl when he was in trouble.

"Language, young lady. We tell you as much as Carl or Sophia. You're only job is to stay close. It's not only your life you put at risk. Daryl could have died yesterday, because you decided to take one of your walks."

My expression softened and I looked down with my eyes, guilt filling me. But the anger and frustration was still there and I couldn't push it away. I wanted to be far from everyone at that point.

"And remember what happened when we were at the school."

Just like that the guilt in that moment vanished and I smacked her hand away. I clenched my teeth trying not to explode. _That wasn't even my idea! That was your son!_

I heard her take a breath to continue, but that was when Shane and the others returned.

Rick and Shane were the first to walk in, then the others followed. Everyone stood up once they walked in, but I stayed down.

Rick walked in, holding his hat, "upstairs is our best bet, we've cleared a few rooms, could barricade those if we have to. We'll be alright."

"You're lying to us," Carol said. "Just like all the times before."

"That's unfair. And no help at all." Lori said to Carol, then she turned to Rick, "Who is that man?"

"Guillermo, he was the leader here," Glenn explained with a solemn expression.

"When we first got here, seeing the walkers, I thought they got overrun. But seeing Guillermo . . ." T-Dog trailed off.

Shane looked around at them, "how do we know he's telling the truth? What if he had something to do with this? We don't know him."

"We do." Rick argued.

T-Dog shook his head, "you don't lie about something like that, unless we're gonna be ambushed. He's not in on it, I've never seen someone break down like that."

"Then maybe they were just overrun and he's in shock, spewing off nonsense. He just says how they came, they could just be the Walkers," Dale interjected, unsure.

"You're just fishing, old man." Daryl scoffed, "Stop trying to sugar coat it, everyone here except that guy is shot in the head, execution style. The Geeks didn't show up until all this went down. This place was attacked, people came and killed everyone here and took whatever they wanted. You're worried about the Walkers, I'd be much worried about the people that came and did all this."

There was a long silence, everyone look horrified.

"Me and Shane barricaded the front doors, to be safe. Guillermo's still in the other room, once we find a room upstairs we're going to bring him with us." Glenn claimed.

Shane shook his head, "no, no way."

"It's not up for discussion," Rick said. "He's going to stay with us until we figure out what to do and-"

"-And? And then what, Rick?" Shane asked, "he could be a danger, he can't leave with us, not happening."

"We can't just leave him," Glenn said.

Dale agreed, "he's right we can't. It's not right. He should have a choice though."

Rick turned his head, "Daryl? What do you think?"

Daryl squinted his eyes, "me?"

Rick nodded.

"The guy's a mess for a good reason. Just leave him be, he's broken not dangerous, there's a difference."

Lori stepped forward, "you think he was in there hiding for the entire time?"

Daryl shrugged a shoulder, "coulda been, bodies gotta be a day or two old. This shit didn't just go down. Even if he did try anything I doubt he's got any strength in him."

"That's exactly why we can't trust him!" Shane exclaimed.

Rick shook his head in disagreement, "Shane, we have his gun. He isn't a danger, you saw him. He won't be trying anything. Think about what he's been through."

Shane rubbed his head and sighed in frustration, turning away from them and glancing at me. I crossed my arms and looked to the floor.

"Let's go and set up upstairs," Shane said.

* * *

The room they had chosen was significantly smaller and still a mess, but had the absence of dead bodies.

On the way upstairs Glenn and Rick had retrieved Guillermo, they were holding his arms helping him walk. Guillermo shoved them both away, claiming angrily that he could walk on his own. After only a few steps, he had wobbled and fallen. Glenn and Rick helped him the rest of the way. The others, I overheard, guessed he was dehydrated and hadn't eaten since well before the attack.

Everyone settled into the room. Carol sat on the floor in a corner with Sophia, Carl sat beside her and started talking to her. Lori took a chair by the table.

Rick and Glenn led Guillermo to the other side of the room from Sophia and Carl, sitting him on the floor against the wall.

Shane dropped his bag on the floor, then I decided to do the same. Getting tired of the weight on my back, even though it was very little.

I looked around wondering where to go, then Shane came up to me, "go sit with Carl."

I looked up at him, making my expression hard and blank. I thought about fighting it or sitting somewhere else, but I obeyed, dragging my bag with me.

"Hey," Carl said.

I nodded in response.

"Me, Shane and Daryl are going to take a last look around, see what we can find." Rick said.

"I'll come," Glenn said.

Dale nodded, volunteering himself. They looked at Dale as if surprised but shook it off a moment later.

"We need to have someone stay with gun experience," Rick said.

T-Dog gave a nod, "I'll stay." T-Dog sat on the floor near Guillermo, but a little distance away from him. Guillermo kept his head down, staring at the floor.

Carol stood up after a few minutes, going to sit with Lori.

"What happened to your leg?" Sophia gasped. I looked over to her and then back at my leg. _Oh,_ I realized, _these are her pants, shit._

"I'm sorry, Daryl ripped them to . . . I'm sorry."

"What?" she seemed confused for a moment, "I don't care about the pants. Why were you bleeding?"

 _Now I'm confused._ I looked down at the cloth Daryl tied around my calf, as if it would reveal why she gives a shit. It doesn't.

"I uh . . . glass cut me. When we left that building."

"How bad is it?" Carl asked.

I scrunched my eyebrows, wondering again why they care. There was some dried blood on the cloth and a little down my leg. I untied it and dropped it to see the cut. There was mostly a mess of dried blood, the cut looked long but it wasn't very wide, it looked like it had stopped bleeding a while before.

"Not bad," I said.

"That looks like it hurts," Sophia remarked.

I shrugged, I didn't really feel it if I wasn't thinking about it.

"Are we going to stay here?" she asked Carl.

"I hope not, maybe just for the night. I hope we leave soon."

"Me too," she agreed.

A short while later, the door opened and Daryl walked in, Rick, Shane, and Glenn following behind.

"They ransacked the kitchen, all we found is the one can," Shane said, giving a can to Daryl.

"They hit the dispensary too," Rick continued. "Tore the door off its hinges. Took everything."

"Looks like all we came back for is cough drops and . . ." Daryl lifted the can to his face, reading the label, "garbanzo beans?"

"Is there any water?" Sophia asked.

Shane rubbed his head then went over to his bag that was on the floor, he lifted it onto an empty chair and looked through it, finding a bottle, "all I brought is the one bottle, make it last. Goes for everybody," He said, passing the bottle to her.

"What else you got in that bag?" T-Dog asked Shane.

Shane let out a short laugh. He took his bag off the chair to sit in it, placing the bag on his lap and pulled something out and shaking it.

"Salty snacks?" Glenn joked.

"Courtesy of the CDC, I thought I'd be having midnight snacks in my air conditioned room," he said, tossing some small packages around the room. "Didn't know they'd be dinner."

Daryl had opened the can and Glenn took it. He was using a plastic spoon to push beans on some paper plates.

"And uh . . ." Shane pulled a wine bottle out of his bag, looking down at it, thinking something over.

Daryl looked over at him, chewing something, "like to share?"

"Seeing as how I owe you my life, guess I, uh, I'm gonna go ahead and be nice to you," Shane nodded his head once, holding the bottle out to Daryl.

Daryl took it, "I do believe I earned the first swallow."

"You guys go easy on that stuff," Lori said, "let's not forget where we are."

"Yes, ma'am," Daryl said seriously.

Glenn passed the plates around, even placing one in front of Guillermo, who didn't even look up. I stared at the open doorway. A couple steps to the left in the hall was the stairwell we came from. After thinking it over I stood up, taking my bag and walking over to the doorway. I could feel eyes on me but no one said anything.

They were probably waiting to see if I really went anywhere. But I only went to the stairs, which was visible from the room, and sat at the top of the staircase. I dropped my bag a stair below me and opened it, deciding after all the shit that has been going on I was going to wear my knives.

I pulled them out, fastening the straps around my left thigh.

"Taking the first watch?"

I turned my head to see Dale, "May I join you?"

I scooted over and he sat beside me, he had two paper plates with beans on them, and a package of whatever Shane had in his bag.

"Seems as though we just keep getting ourselves into bigger messes," he said, giving me a plate.

"Carol thinks it's Sheriff Rick's fault," _was it sheriff or officer?_

"Maybe, maybe not. Rick had made the right call on leaving Atlanta . . . just maybe in the wrong direction. Who knows? Maybe if we had left earlier . . . we should've. We shouldn't have stayed there as long as we have. Merle and Daryl said as much, we should've listened."

"Why didn't you?"

"I knew they were right, we were too close to the city, more and more were coming. But . . . we wanted to be rescued, we wanted Shane to be right. He was the cop, by default the voice of reason. We should've . . ." he shook his head, looking away from me. "We should've done a lot of things."

He was quiet then. But the package he was trying to open made a lot of noise, "out of curiosity, your father . . ."

He trailed off, popping whatever was in the package into his mouth. He showed the bag, silently offering me some but I shook my head. Once he finished chewing, he swallowed and spoke,

"Did your father keep anything else from you? Food wise? I'm only asking because of that night, Carl said you mentioned that fish made your father sick. So did he keep you from eating it too? Did he know about your allergy?"

"Uh, I don't know. We just never had it. We would go fishing but usually throw 'em back or he'd give 'em to someone. I only really ate what daddy ate."

"Do you remember if there was anything else that made him sick? Or something he said would make you sick?"

I shook my head, thinking it over. I couldn't remember anything else like that.

"You guys havin' a private party?" T-Dog asked, walking up behind us, "Why wasn't I invited?"

"I'm afraid the invitation may have been misplaced." Dale joked.

"Damn shame, especially since I thought we were buddies," he said to me.

I squinted my eyes a little, confused at the statement. He reached behind himself into his back pocket, pulling something out.

"You asked for these earlier, never got the chance to look." He held a worn, squished and slightly torn crayon box to me. My eyes widened slightly and I reached up to take it from him.

"Not much there, even all the art supplies here was taken. Sorry, kid."

"Thank you," I said, opening the flap to the box. He was right, there wasn't much at all, only five crayons.

 _None of them yellow._ I felt disappointed but didn't show it, it was really nice of him, he didn't actually have to bring them for me. I was really surprised he did and wondered why.

"What's next? We need to decide." I heard Lori say. I turned my head, she was standing near the doorway looking at someone. But I couldn't see who.

"Fort Benning, Rick." Shane said, still sitting in the chair closest to the door.

Lori nodded, "Fort Benning."

"I should've listened to you, Shane. Would've saved us a lot of grief if I had. Jacqui and Andrea would still be alive."

Although we weren't touching, I could feel Dale tense up beside me.

Shane shook his head, "that was their choice, man. Do not take that on."

"It was their choice, their decision to make." Lori agreed, "Not yours, not more than it was with Jim."

 _Their choice? Like Jim?_ I thought, confused.

Glenn spoke next, he had sit down beside Shane on the floor, "all these people . . . who would do something like this? Just come in here and murder everybody. Even all the old people. H-How sick is that?"

"Is this something we need to be discussing right now?" Lori said to him sternly.

Shane rubbed his face, standing up, "better if we uh, get some sleep, huh?"

Shane walked out of the room toward us. Glenn, Rick, and Daryl followed him. Daryl was holding the wine bottle.

Shane turned to Glenn, his expression hard, "the kids in there are terrified, and the women."

"Guys, I'm really sorry." Glenn said quietly.

"Watch it," T-Dog said, "one of them kids is right here."

Glenn, Rick, Shane, and Daryl looked at me briefly.

 _Hi to you too._

"Toby-"

"-Let her stay," Rick stopped Shane. "We won't be saying anything she doesn't already know." Shane's expression got harder and his eyes flickered to Rick, he looked away, as if hoping no one would notice. T-Dog went over and nudged Daryl, asking silently for the bottle, Daryl gave it.

"We're all rattled and exhausted, no one's thinking clearly. But we have to start. Our lives depend on it." Rick continued.

Shane nodded still not looking at Rick but his expression easing, "You're damn right, we can't ever let our guard down again. Back at camp . . . having us a fish fry, no one on watch. People died that didn't need to."

Rick nodded solemnly, "Fort Benning, that's the consensus."

T-Dog tipped the bottle back and took a small drink before speaking, "anywhere but here."

"We've wasted fuel driving so many vehicles, we need to lose a few. We'll syphon the gas out of whatever cars we don't take. Should get us out of the city." Rick said.

Shane nodded, "It's a start, just try and get a little shut eye tonight."

"I'll take watch," T-Dog volunteered, giving the bottle back to Daryl.

"I'll relieve you in an hour," Shane said.

* * *

I couldn't even remember why I was screaming, I just knew I was panicking. Whatever I had screamed about had turned my stomach into knots. I was screaming at the top of my lungs and crying. I was awake, sort of, my mind still foggy and I couldn't open my eyes, I couldn't think.

Then I suddenly felt rough hands on my arms, and a man's voice.

Instead of the panic subsiding, it gradually increased. I knew I had woken him up, I was in trouble. Then I struggled, thrashing myself around, I didn't mean to wake him up, I swear I didn't. I didn't even remember what had scared me so much. Now I was even more scared, and I started screaming again. But instead of blind screams of terror, they were protests, actual words.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I thrashed, "I'll be good! I'm good now!"

"Toby!"

"I won't do it again," I sobbed trying to push him away.

One of his hands released me, only to get a hold of my jaw, "Toby, listen!"

I stared into Shane's eyes, freezing.

 _Shane_

 _Daddy's not here._

 _Oh_

I stared at Shane, my lungs deflating and muscles relaxing slightly. But I didn't take my eyes off him, I knew he was a lot different from Daddy but I still could've been in trouble. His eyes were wide but eyebrows furrowed, confused and shocked. He sighed with what seemed like relief.

He slowly took his hand away from my jaw. I blinked and tears fell, I wasn't crying anymore so they were from when I was sobbing, maybe because my eyes were closed they never got the chance to fall. That's when I realized I was sitting up, I wasn't sure when I had gotten into that position.

"Oh, honey," Lori came forward, right in my face, wiping a tear from my cheek. I flinched and pulled away. Shane had moved a bit, letting go of my arm to make room for her. She came closer, putting an arm around my shoulder to pull me to her while she spoke.

I tried pushing her away, and over her shoulder I saw everyone looking.

 _I had woken everyone._

I pushed harder, actually succeeding in making a distance between us. I was shaky and my face was now wet from snot and tears. The feel of her hands made my skin tingle and stomach knot.

"Stop," I mumbled.

"It's okay," she said softly using her other hand and pulling me. Her other hand began stroking my back.

"St-"

"-Sh, it's okay. You just had a nightmare."

"Stop touching me!" I exploded, "I don't like it! _STOP_!"

Lori reared back, surprised by my outburst. It seemed like everyone was staring at me. I looked away, my lip quivering. She had backed away, her hands finally off of me, even Shane had leaned back.

I was still shaking, I tried calming myself down but now I was getting angry. By Lori's approach it didn't seem like they were mad, but they could've been after I snapped. I waited, trying to calm myself down but no one did anything. They just stared, I could feel all the eyes burning holes into me.

"Hey-" Shane started to say quietly after several moments. Only to be stopped by Daryl.

"-Jesus Christ will ya give the kid some space? Let her breathe for cryin' out loud. Coddling her doesn't do shit, fuck," Daryl said, obviously annoyed. I glanced over at him, he was shaking his head and he stood up, grabbing his crossbow.

"Suns comin' up," he said to them, "we should pack up and just get the hell out now. We're up anyway, might as well make use of the time we got."

"Yeah, I'm with Daryl." Glenn said, rubbing his eyes "I don't want to spend more time here then we have to."

Others agreed and they all decided to start getting ready. I pulled my knees close to my chest and hid my face, trying not to cry from embarrassment and hoping no one was mad.

* * *

Soon enough, everyone was outside. Me, Carl, Sophia, their moms and Dale had to stay inside along with that Guillermo guy while the other siphoned gas and chose which cars were going and staying. They weren't able to find anymore food or water, but they got lots of gas from nearby cars. They even filled up two extra red gas containers.

Though I wasn't sure how much they held and how much gas cars actually took.

Glenn came inside to get the rest of us, saying they were ready to leave and they took care of any Walkers they saw. Once we got out, I spot Daryl taking the motorcycle out of his truck, T-Dog was helping.

I watched as they struggled to get the bike out and walked toward them. They finished once I was a few feet away. Daryl nodded to him awkwardly in thanks. T-Dog returned it and turned away, he walked toward me and smiled, ruffling my hair as he passed. I looked at him, confused by the gesture as he continued walking.

I looked at Daryl as he fastened the bag he had to the bike, he had his back to me, with his crossbow slung over his shoulder. After a moment, he turned slightly, spotting me, then back to the bike.

"Your ridin' in the RV," he said.

I opened my mouth then shut it. It seemed obvious he was taking the bike now, but why? I almost asked but didn't want him to be annoyed by me. I always got annoyed and frustrated when people asked me stupid questions.

"Go, they're just 'bout ready. Maybe get some sleep on the ride."

He looked back at me, I kept the blank expression the best I could. I was pretty sure I succeeded, I didn't want him to know I was disappointed. I knew we weren't taking as many cars so I wasn't looking forward to how crowded the RV was going to be. Especially since the new guy was now joining us.

We stared at each other for the short moment until I was about to turn away.

"You're uh, your leg good?"

I paused, perplexed at his question. I nodded and after a second he nodded back, though it took him several moments to finally turn away. Then I took that as cue for me to go.

 _weird._

There was a car parked in front of the RV. Rick was standing with Shane not too far from it. At the car Carol and Sophia were getting in the back. Lori was with Carl, he was about to get into the back seat with Sophia then stopped when he saw me.

"Hey, mom?" He looked up at her, "Can Toby ride with us too?"

She shook her head, "no room, baby, maybe the next ride."

His face softened and he looked a little disappointed. He raised his hand in a small wave before getting in the car, Lori closing the door after him. She turned to me with a small smile, "sorry, hon, next ride alright?"

I just shrugged, not caring that much, but at the same time not really wanting to be in the car with her. It seemed every time I begun to like her, or even remotely in that direction, she does or says something that throws me onto another path.

I stood still for a moment, expecting her to turn away and maybe get into the car. But she didn't. Her eyes were down on my leg and I figured she was eyeing the cut pant leg.

"What is that?" She asked, coming closer.

I looked down, then noticed it was something else that caught her attention. Before, when I strapped the knives on, I didn't have a single care who saw them. People were dying, and I may not be able to use them very well, or properly, but I did save my own life with one. I did kill a Walker.

But now I began to feel anxious, not liking her tone of voice or the way she was looking at them. I put a hand over the nylon fabric instinctively, as if to protect it. She stopped two feet away from me, staring down at them.

"Where did you get that?"

I didn't say anything.

"Toby, where did you get those?"

I knew no one paid attention to me, whether they wanted to or not. But I had been wearing them since that night, I honestly didn't think I was that invisible. The sheath wasn't very bulky but was black and very noticeable with the pants I was wearing.

"Did you find them somewhere, at the CDC?" She stepped closer and reached her hand out. "Take it off, give it to me."

I stepped back, starting to feel angry. I shook my head.

"Toby, those are weapons, not toys. Now, before you or someone else gets hurt."

"Lori?" Rick asked as he approached. Shane was standing where they were before, but once he got a good look at all of his, he looked a little confused and came closer. "Something wrong?"

"She has knives, I don't know where she got them. I told her to give them to me."

"Oh," Shane said, as if finally realizing what she was talking about. "They're hers."

"What?"

"They're hers, she's always had them. She knows how to use them, her father taught her." Shane explained.

"You knew she had them? This whole time? And you just let her have them?" Lori look appalled, "This isn't okay. She's too young, She can't just walk around . . ." she stopped herself, sighing and wiping her forehead. She was frustrated and trying to gain her composure.

I stared at Rick, he didn't look at all confused or surprised by this. Lori seemed to notice this too.

"Rick? Say something. It's-"

"-Lori," Rick said, shaking his head, "it's not our say."

Her eyes widened, "you can't be okay with-"

"-I am. Shane discussed this with me before, he instructed her to put them away for the time being. But under the circumstances, I don't see a problem with her having them. As long as she's responsible and doesn't pull any out unless necessary. Shane has already talked to her and assured me she knows how to handle them."

Lori turned to Shane, "you told him? Why didn't you say anything to me?"

Shane's eyebrows raised, as if shocked. Then they furrowed and he shook his head, a soft laugh escaping his lips, " _Why didn't I say anything?_ There's just no pleasing you, is there?"

Now she looked confused, tilting her head about to say something, but Shane interrupted.

"How am I supposed to know what you do or don't want me to say to you?"

Rick stepped in toward him, "Shane-"

"-Doesn't matter what I do, does it?" Shane said, looking straight at Lori and ignoring Rick, "every step I take is the wrong one."

He shook his head and maneuvered himself around Rick, walking off.

Lori's mouth was open in shock, while Rick stared at her. Utterly confused with what was going on.

With Lori seemingly distracted I stepped aside and slowly stepped around them. Once I was a few steps away, I hurried my pace, following Shane to the RV. I knew he said before he'd let me keep them, but I didn't know he'd defend that decision when it came down to it. It made me feel a little better. Especially about him, I knew I was a kid and probably just being naive.

I still didn't understand what had happened at the CDC between them. Between him and me. But he seemed to have forgotten it or was pretending he did.

 _Sometimes men do things_

I shook my head, there wasn't any use in thinking about it at that moment.

"You good, T?" Shane asked T-Dog as he approached him.

"Yeah, everyone's ready and loaded up. Guillermo's in the RV."

"He say anything?"

"Not since those few words this morning. Other then that, not a sound. Don't even think he can hear us most of the time. Was difficult enough getting him in there, was almost scared we wouldn't get him to go. Glad we did, can't leave him, wouldn't sit right on my conscience ."

"You're shoulder good?"

"Oh yeah, only a scratch, he came to his senses quick."

"Let's hope this is the right call, guy isn't stable."

A little while earlier, once the others first decided it was safe for the rest of us to come out. Glenn had been talking, or trying to talk to Guillermo. I wasn't sure if he had slept at all during the night, but he wasn't then. His eyes were open and he was staring at the floor blankly, unresponsive to Glenn. Rick had tried next, telling him they were gonna leave and he was welcome to go to. They explained they wanted him to go to.

The T-Dog knelt next to him next, putting a hand on his shoulder and shaking him. They seemed actually scared about how unresponsive he was. Then he had thrashed out at T-Dog, obviously panicked, scared and trying to push him away. It almost seemed like he would start crying.

When Guillermo seemed to realize what was going on, he slumped back, still shaking.

"I-I . . . I'm sorry," He had mumbled to him, then put his head in his hands muttering, " _Co_ _ñ_ _o_ _, que_ _hago_."

Then they were able to get him to walk outside with him, standing close as he stumbled a couple times. I was pretty dire he still hadn't eaten. Glenn had given him some of the beans we all got, but even if he did eat it, it wouldn't have done much.

"Uh," T-Dog's eyes caught mine, he awkwardly cleared his throat and talked quietly to Shane. But I still heard, "shadow's behind you."

Shane turned quickly, his expression surprised but he tried turning it into a surprised smile. All I could think about was how fake it was. Nothing seemed to be going good for us, everyone was scared, why even bother pretending?

"Got your bag?" He asked as he looked at my back and saw that I did. "Let's get going. Ladies first," he gestured to the door.

I stared at him, scrunching my eyebrows, _weird. Why is everyone so weird?_ I looked down at myself as I stepped into the RV. _Lady?_

I paused when I saw Guillermo at the booth with the table, leaning against the window. Glenn was on his knees in front of the couch on the opposite side of the RV, the huge gun bag on it, he was looking through it.

I looked at Guillermo again, he didn't really seem aware of his surrounding so I went into the booth on the opposite side of him.

"Glenn? What you up to, man?" Shane asked as he came in.

"Just . . . inventory, I guess."

"Well don't, we have lots, nothing to worry about."

Glenn nodded, seemingly to himself, was was about to close the bag but Shane reached out, stopping him. He took a handgun out of his waistband behind his back. Opening the chamber and checking it.

I saw movement out of the corner of my eyes as I watched them and looked at Guillermo. His head wasn't against the window anymore, but subtly toward them, yet not all the way. As if he was trying to see discreetly. His eyes were trailing Shane's movements as he closed the chamber and placed the handgun into the bag. It was hard to tell, but from the way Guillermo watched I guessed it was the gun Shane had taken from him. He said something quietly to Glenn and Glenn zipped it up, the grabbed it and walked to the back of the RV where the tiny bedroom was. Just before Shane turned around toward us Guillermo resumed his original position, leaning his head against the window and staring out blankly.

Shane nudged me to move over and I did. He sat down in the booth beside me as T-Dog walked in and shut the door. Dale opened the door to the driver's side and hopped in.

Glenn came back and climbed between the seats to sit in the passenger side.

I looked at Shane, having a couple questions. I overheard them saying a lot about going to Fort Benning. But I didn't know where or what that was, a city? Small town? How far away was it?

Instead of actually asking I just looked down at my lap, leaning back. As I did I felt my bag on my back. I took it off and put it at my feet under the table.

* * *

We had been driving for a while. At least it felt like it. My concept of time was horrible, what felt like an hour to me could've been only ten or twenty minutes, who knew. But I was fairly certain it had been a long time. T-Dog was lying on the couch with his eyes closed, though I wasn't sure if he was really sleeping.

Guillermo was in the same position as before, but his head slightly drooped with his eyes closed.

Shane had laid down a dark blue cloth on the table, I wasn't paying attention before so I have no idea where he got it from.

Shane undid his belt holster, lifting it up and placing it on the table away from the cloth and pulled his pistol out of it.

I watched as he pulled the top of it back toward him, the made a couple small moves I didn't see before the gun started falling apart. My eyes widened as the gun pieces fell onto the cloth.

Shane caught my eye, "you said your father taught you about guns, you ever clean one?"

I shook my head, "Watched him do it a couple times, not much. Daddy never took it apart that fast."

"I have a lot of practice with this piece," he explained. "Had it for a long time. Trick is to get all these pieces back together the exact same way. You remember what he had?"

I thought about it and shook my head, "I forget, he usually stuck with the big guns."

"Like what?"

I looked at him, raising my eyebrows. I didn't think he'd keep pushing or asking. As always I wondered why he was asking.

I thought hard, trying to remember, "he had, uh . .. Rem- _Reming_ -ton," I sounded the word out, stuttering and trying to remember. He told me what it was called but I never said it out-loud myself before, "something . . . there was a number."

"That's fine," he assured, "the names can be hard to remember. This right here is a Glock 17, got an above-average capacity of seventeen rounds."

I paused, biting my lip, "that why it's so heavy?"

He chuckled, "yeah, could be. How much experience do you have, shooting wise?"

My stomach dropped and I looked back at my lap, fiddling with my fingers nervously. I had held a gun lots of times, Daddy would take me for target practice in the back yard. But just as he had with the knives, he'd given up trying to teach me. I knew how to load and shoot, how to hold them right. I just could never hit the target. The progress I had made with my knives was much greater than any I made with a gun.

I knew Shane was waiting for an answer, so I just shrugged.

I could feel him staring at me. There was a long silence, then I heard the soft sound of the metal against the table as he spaced the pieces out.

"Tell you what," he said. "You help me clean this piece, we'll put it together. And once we get the chance, I'll take you for target practice."

I looked back at him, wide eyes, "huh? Really?"

"You sure that's a good idea?" T-Dog said from the couch, "I mean, look what happened the last time she got her hands on a gun."

"That's why it'll do good to teach her, have respect for the weapon." He looked back at me, smiling. But my thoughts were then lost by his statement. "S'long as she promises not to shoot me."

I pulled my arms into myself, almost going into a ball at that word. I could already feel the burning.

"I-I got _respect."_ I stuttered, becoming extremely anxious. I hated that word, the burns on my arms all tallying when I hadn't shown _respect_ _._

I peeked up at Shane. Who was staring down at me with his eyebrows furrowed, obviously put off by my reaction. He opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted.

"Oh, jeez," Dale muttered.

Glenn followed with: "Aw no . . ."

The RV slowly squeaked to a stop, Shane got out of the seat behind me and leaned in behind Dale, looking out windshield. I scooted myself to where Shane was sitting before and leaned to the side to see what was going on.

On the road there was a tipped over truck, blocking the path. There were other cars around, most of the doors opened and abandoned. The sight was more than familiar and I stared at Shane. He must of sensed it because he looked back at me with a soft expression, seemingly thinking of what I was.

"Is . . . is this where . . ." my stomach churned at the memory.

"No," Shane shook his head at me. "These people were headed somewhere else, not in the same area. Our jam was on the other side of Atlanta."

"Oh," was all I replied with, sitting up straight in the booth. I heard the rumbling of Daryl's bike, sounding like he was closer to the RV.

"See a way through?" Dale asked out the window.

Daryl's bike rumbled louder and then the sound faded slightly as he drove farther from us.

The RV started moving again, very slowly.

"Uh, maybe we should just go back." Glenn said, he was looking at a map and sitting in the passenger seat. "There's an interstate bypass-"

"-We can't spare the fuel," Dale stopped him.

Dale drove the RV further into the traffic. Some of the cars seemed fine, some with their doors opened. Then there were the ones that had some sort of accident. One of them was completely flipped over.

After less than a minute of driving through the chaos, the RV seemed to jump. There was a loud hissing sound and then the sound of the engine sputtering. I looked out the windshield again, seeing steam spraying out of the hood.

Dale stopped the RV, getting out of his seat and slamming the door behind him. Shane, Glenn, and T-Dog were our next. I got up next, going toward the door.

"I said it, didn't I say it? A thousand times, dead in the water." I heard Dale exclaim.

I partially stayed in the RV, only leaning out to see everyone going to the front.

"Problem Dale?" Shane asked.

"Just a small matter of being stuck in the middle of nowhere with no hope of . . ." Dale stopped, looking around. "Okay, that was dumb."

"If you can't find a radiator hose here . . ." Shane trailed off.

I stepped out then, seeing Rick, Lori, Sophia and Carol. I guessed I was allowed since everyone was out. I didn't see Carl yet.

I spotted Daryl's back by the closest car, the trunk was open and he was pulling some things out. "There's a whole bunch of stuff we can find."

"I can siphon more fuel from these cars for a start." T-Dog said.

"Maybe some water?" Carol hoped.

"Or food," Glenn interjected.

"This is a graveyard," Lori said, her arms crossed, "I don't know how I feel about this."

No one said anything for a while, they all exchanged glances. Some looking guilty and sad.

After a moment, T-Dog took a deep breath, walking passed me, "all right, all right. Here we go."

"Come on ya'll, just look around, gather what you can." Shane instructed. And just like that Lori's words were forgotten.

I stood there silently for next couple moments, watching as the others went their separate ways.

T-Dog walked passed me again, this time with a long coiled tube in his hand, and two red gas containers in the other.

I heard talking and walked forward a bit, Glenn and Dale had the front of the RV open where the steam was coming out. I watched them for a minute, becoming so focused that when I was poked in the shoulder I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"Sorry," Carl said. "Do you want to look around with me and Sophia?"

I gave a shrug of the shoulder but walked with him.

"Wait," Shane said, coming up at my side. He seemed like he was about to reach for my shoulder to stop me, but hesitated and pulled his hand away. He motioned his head to Carl, "you go on, I'm gonna talk to her."

Carl nodded and turned away.

"Toby? How about, uh . . . Do me a favor, will you?"

I stared up at Shane, confused but nodded.

"How about you stay in the RV for a bit?"

"Why?"

He crouched down, his voice low. "Guillermo, he's uh . . . He's not doing so hot."

Shane was thinking something over in his head, and it seemed like he was having trouble explaining it.

"He's sad," I guessed, though it came out as more of a statement then a question.

Shane nodded, "that's right. Maybe you could go keep him company, keep a quiet eye on him. You don't have to talk to him, in fact that may be best. Just sit, if you feel like it you could clean the gun for me. That would be a big help."

I hesitated. I waited to see if he would change his mind or say he was joking, but he looked sincere and was silent while waiting for my answer.

"You want me to clean the gun?"

"Well you don't have to-"

"-Will you teach me how to put it together?"

His eyes widened slightly, as if surprised by my answer. Then he smiled and chuckled lightly, "If that's what you want, that's what we'll do. Not at this moment but later on."

I raised my eyebrows, I never heard that kind of an answer before. I mentally shrugged then stepped around him, walking to the RV.

I stopped at Shane's voice, "just . . . let me know if he starts acting weird, alright? Or even if you're uncomfortable."

I nodded and stepped in, the door had been left open so I didn't bother to close it. I walked in a little more, then I saw that Guillermo was still asleep against the window. I slowly made my way into the seat where Shane was sitting beside me, across from Guillermo.

I sat in the spot Shane was sitting before, staring down at the taken apart gun on the blue cloth. There was a small yellow rag that was dirty, I grabbed that and one of the metal pieces, wiping it off.

I did that for a little while, focusing on cleaning every single inch of each piece. I glanced up with my eyes, for no particular reason.

I practically jumped out of my skin when I saw Guillermo was actually awake and looking at me. We stared each other down for a moment, he glanced at the gun pieces and looked away.

His facial features tensed and he shifted in his seat slightly, his arm draped over his stomach. I was about to look down and continue cleaning but a low grumbling sound stopped me.

His eyes flickered at me, knowing I had heard but he just looked away again. As if pretending it didn't happen. I glanced at where his arm was, noticing how his hand clenched a part of his abdomen. I knew what the sound had been.

I thought about it for a moment, I was hungry too, and I was pretty sure he didn't eat anything that was given to him that night. Not that it mattered, I didn't really eat it either, it wasn't really food.

I did have something, and I was saving it. I didn't know exactly what was wrong with him other then he was sad, maybe it would help. It seemed stupid to think that, I was pretty sure he knew everyone at that nursing home, and now everyone there was dead.

I bit my lip but decided, I reached under the table and pulled my bag onto my lap. I dug through it a little before pulling out the chocolate bar. Daryl had given to me before we left camp in Atlanta, Glenn found a couple to give to Sophia, Carl, and me. I think Daryl said something about me following him around, so he took it, figuring he'd get the first chance to offer it.

I could feel through the wrapper that it was slightly melted. It'd be hard to open it and take it out of the wrapper without ruining it a little. Then I got an idea and pulled one of my knives out, Guillermo was looking at me again, having heard the wrapper I assumed.

I put the chocolate bar flat on the table and cut through the middle, through both the wrapper and the chocolate. Then I put my knife away and dumped both halves out of their wrappers.

I picked one of them up, leaning over the table, slightly standing up so I could reach farther and placing it in front of Guillermo. I sat back down as he glanced from me to the chocolate. He looked at me and when he didn't do anything but stare, I leaned forward again, using my index finger to push it closer to him.

I sat back down and took a bite of my own. I couldn't remember the last time I had any chocolate. Obviously I hadn't had any after leaving home, but even before that chocolate was a very rare occurrence. I stared down at the table as I ate, I peeked up out of the corner of my eye to see Guillermo had picked it up and started to slowly take bites. I pretended I didn't notice.

I finished it and wiped my hands on my pants, putting to wrappers aside I continued to clean the gun. A few moments later I looked up, he had finished his half and was watching my hands. His expression seemed different, almost softer somehow.

My eyes trailed to the window, my hands and my breathing stopped at what I saw. I couldn't tell how many there were, maybe a dozen, half a dozen, not that it even mattered much. I dropped what I was holding and dropped myself to the ground.

 _I know no one tells me shit but this is ridiculous._

All I saw outside were the Walkers, I didn't see anyone else and wondered if they were okay or just hiding. I crawled forward a little to look up at Guillermo in his seat still. I got on my knees, quickly reaching for him and tugging on his arm.

"Down, down," I instructed in a hushed voice. He looked down at me, confused and not moving. I pointed my hand to the window and he looked out.

His jaw dropped slightly but he didn't move. I tugged his arm again, this time harder, he seemed to snap out of it and scrambled out onto the floor.

I took a deep breathe, trying to calm myself down but it came out shaky. I couldn't believe how many there were, and they didn't seem to know we were there. I hoped all we had to do was stay low and wait for them to go away.

But it's never that easy.

I heard the RV creek and looked at the doorway, I saw the Walkers hand on the frame before I saw anything else.

I got up slightly, pulling Guillermo with me. I rushed to the back of the RV and he followed. When we got to where the bed was I turned around, Guillermo stood beside me. The Walker was already on. It almost froze for a second when it saw us, almost. Then it started stumbling and growling as it came closer.

 _Shit_ , I looked around quickly, my heart hammering in my chest. Then I saw the curtain that closed off the bed from the rest of the RV. Without thinking, I grabbed onto it and and closed the curtain.

As soon as I did it, I knew how stupid it was. I was even more aware of my stupidity when the Walker started pushing on the curtain.

"Dumbass," I smacked my palm against my head, reaching for my knives with my other hand. I pulled one out, feeling slightly confident.

 _You killed one, just do it again._

All my confidence drained when the Walker moved passed the curtain. He must've been an entire foot taller than Guillermo. Guillermo wasn't that tall, but this corpses height was something I almost wasn't able to process. I knew I was screwed.

Then in a quick second Guillermo was in front of me, charging the large Walker. But it backfired, the Walker may have been stronger. I jumped out of the way, falling on my butt as he was pushed against the wall, trying to push off the Walker.

He was making angry noises, trying his hardest to push it off. I wanted to help but I started shaking and just wanted to run and hide. It was so tall there was no way for me to reach.

My eyes went around, looking toward my escape and the struggle. Then my eyes went to the bed.

 _I'm gonna die I know it._

I held the knife tightly, stepping onto the bed. I slowly stepped in their direction, hoping the Walker wouldn't move or notice.

 _Do it, just do it._

The Walkers mouth was wide open, less than an inch away from Guillermo's face. I held my knife over my head then pushed myself off the bed and onto the Walker, the momentum helping me to impale the Walker's head. I stumbled a bit before falling back and me with it.

The back of my head hit something hard, I wasn't sure if it was the floor or a wall, but it hurt like hell.

The Walker was lying on the lower half of my body, it's head on my stomach. I didn't notice that, at first all I could see is white. Then that faded out and Guillermo was over me, pulling the body off me.

"Ow," I groaned. The pain at the back of my head seem to spread out. I reached my hand and put it on my head.

I propped myself up on my elbows. The Walker was off of me now and I looked over at it, "it dead?"

Guillermo glanced at it and nodded. He looked back at me, his lips parted about to speak but he hesitated.

I rubbed my head, hoping to relieve some pain.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

I looked at him again, surprised he said anything.

Then the RV rocked slightly as someone rushed in. "Toby?" I recognized Daryl's voice immediately, "you in here?"

Before I could respond he pulled the curtain back. He paused, looking down at us and the body. I followed his eyes when the stopped at me, looking down at the blood that was now on the sweater I was wearing. My hand was bloody too.

Whatever expression he had on before had changed so quickly I didn't even know what he was before, but then he was angry.

"The hell is this? You just let her take the dead fuck on? How-"

"-It . . . it was gonna . . . it was gonna eat him," I tried defending, but I found my breath was at an uneven pace.

"Don't matter, c'mon, get up." He reached for me and help me stood up, once I was standing he glared hardly at Guillermo who was still sitting on the floor, "I don't care what kinda fucked up shit happened, we all are going through a shit time. Doesn't mean you let a little girl fight for you."

He gently nudged my arm and I followed him through the RV.

"You're fine? No one's bit?" He asked.

My head was still hurting but I didn't say anything. I nodded.

He looked down at me, his expression softening. "You uh . . . you did good."

My eyes widened slightly, but before I could say or do anything he stepped out of the RV.

When we got out I saw that just about everyone was on the far side of the road, standing by the metal railing that separated the forest and the road.

"Hey," Shane approached me and Daryl from the right.

"One of 'em got in the RV. Almost killed them both, she killed it," Daryl said flatly.

Shane was taken aback, but after a moment he composed himself, "You alright?"

I just shrugged, not wanting to talk.

"I'm sorry . . ." he said, running a hand through his hair, "I thought . . . I thought if you stayed in the RV . . ."

When he said that, I finally understood why he wanted me to be in the RV. It wasn't to keep Guillermo company or clean the gun parts.

Carl was over by the others, he briefly glanced behind him, and once he saw me he rushed over.

"Sophia's out there," he explained, "Walkers were chasing her. My dad went after them."

"It'll be fine, bud. He'll be back any minute with her." Shane assured.

Carl stared out into the forest area. I knew him and Sophia were friends and it was easy to tell he was worried.

I guessed it would be fine, if only Rick was out there after her it couldn't have been that much of a problem. Or else wouldn't more of us go?

* * *

Carol and Lori were still by the rail, but now leaning on a car. Lori was slowly rubbing Carol's back. Both me and Carl were sitting on the ground, leaning against the back of a car. I glanced up at Shane on the top of the RV, he was holding his shotgun with both hands, looking out into the distance.

All of our head snapped to the trees, hear rustling and snapping, along with footsteps.

"Lori!" Rick yelled slightly, as if trying to keep his voice hushed at the same time. Lori and Carol practically jumped off the car. Me and Carl stood up, walking over to them.

"We're here," Lori responded, her voice strained but was loud enough for him to hear.

I wasn't sure what they were trying to be quiet for, the Walkers were gone weren't they?

Rick ran up the small hill after emerging from the trees and he climbed over the railing.

He stood on the road, hands on his hips, panting for breath.

Shane approached too, everyone looked at Rick expectantly, I kept looking behind him, wondering where Sophia was. He noticed everyone's stares and stared back before looking around a little.

"Where's Sophia?" He asked, his breathing uneven and shaky. "She's not back?"

* * *

 **So, I want to point this out before people forget about her, but did anyone notice Jacqui literally had 3 different hairstyles throughout season one? check it out.**

 **Anyway, sorry for the long wait as always. I'm going to try making chapters a bit shorter from now on, maybe then they wont take so long.**

 **I realized my tumblr is full of random crap and sometimes I literally spam it with reblogs you probably don't care about. so for those who are waiting patiently and want to know whats taking me so long with an update, and how much longer im going to take, I made a secondary blog exclusively for Just Gone, and other Walking Dead fanfiction. I'll share some cool stories I found and if you have your own story, and are looking to get more readers I'll definitely share it. the url is: tobyjustgone**

 **So I can post how chapter progress is going and you guys can ask anything.**

 **let me know what you guys thought, i love hearing from you guys. thanks for all the reviews, me and Rasha007 love you all so much for your support and feedback**


	14. Lost and Found

Something I didn't notice earlier was T-Dog, he was walking around with some of the others, half his shirt soaked in blood. At first I assumed it was a Walkers, but then I saw the way he was holding his arm, even more blood dripping down from it.

After Rick came back without Sophia, he, Shane, Daryl, and Glenn went into the woods on their own. They weren't gone too long before only Shane and Glenn came back, claiming that Rick and Daryl were 'on it'. Whatever that meant.

Shane and Glenn talked a little about what they had to do, scavenge more gas, supplies, move cars and so on. He was giving chores out to everyone, and I was pretty sure it was just a distraction.

I didn't get what the problem was, she ran off, they ran for her, they weren't away for too long. So how far could she have really gone? I didn't get it, but hell, I didn't get anything.

Most of the group went along and did as they were told. Dale was still at the front of the RV, trying to fix the problem, and Carol was still by the side of the road.

Shane had lifted the trunk to one of the abandoned cars. He glanced over at me and beckoned me to join him.

"I want you to stick close, all right? I thought if you were in the RV I wouldn't have to worry. There wouldn't be any trouble, I was wrong. I'm sorry that happened. I know I'm not your favourite person at the moment, but just stay with me for now. Can you do that?"

I thought about it, not really caring too much, I just nodded.

"Are you thinking about Sophia?"

I shrugged. I wasn't as much worried as I was confused about the situation. We had handled more than a few Walkers before, and again, Rick said he had taken care of them and sent Sophia back.

"Daryl and Rick shouldn't be gone too long, they'll find her."

"Shane!" Carl yelled running around the cars toward us. Lori heard him yelling, running toward us as well.

"Carl! What happened?" Lori called, worried.

"Mom, I found something cool." He ran over to me and Shane, sitting on the ground and rolling out something long and black, he looked up at me, "check it out, it's an arsenal."

He looked up at me, smiling and eyes brimming with excitement. I knelt down, seeing all the weapons tucked into their slots. I gave a small smile, it was cool and I liked seeing him excited. Sometimes it annoyed me but this time I saw reason for the excitement. He looked up at Shane, waiting for a reaction.

"See, Shane?"

"That's cool, bud," he said, still looking through the trunk. "Go give 'em to Dale."

"Check this one out!" Carl pulled at one of the handle, brandishing it, "woah, it's a hatchet." he held it with two hands, swinging it subtly.

"Be careful, don't play with those," Lori warned as she came closer.

"They're really sharp," he went on.

"What did I just say?" Lori's voice became more firm.

He turned to her and stood up, "Can I keep one?"

"Are you crazy?" Lori reached forward, forcing Carl to give his hatchet up.

"Toby has knives." He pointed it me. I pretended I didn't hear him.

"No, Carl."

"No way," he said, disappointed. Then he turned away, "Shane. Shane, tell her to let me keep one."

Lori bent down, placing the hatchet back into its spot.

Shane finally turned his attention away from the car, his voice as firm as Lori's was. "hey, man, go give them to Dale now. Go!"

Carl stared at Shane with what might've been a scowl. Lori rolled the arsenal back up and placed it in his hands. Carl took it and walked away.

Lori watched him go, walking closer to Shane, I stood behind both of them, "what was that?"

"What was what?" He asked dismissively opening a small suitcase from inside the trunk.

"The way you blew him off just now, you crushed him." Lori waited for a response. Instead, Shane closed the suitcase, finding nothing of interest. Then he slammed the trunk. He walked to one of the back doors of the car opening it.

Lori shook her head, "I don't believe you, you're giving me the cold shoulder?"

Shane sighed loudly and stood up straight, staring at her, "isn't that what you want? Aren't you the one that said, stay the hell away, from him and you?"

"You forget what happened at the CDC? Your little meltdown in the rec room slip your mind? When you tried to-"

"-When I tried to what? What do you think that was?"

"I think it was pretty plain what that was."

"A mistake, one that I admit too."

She scoffed. "One among many."

I pressed my lips together, feeling a little angry.

"Yeah, Lori, I have mistakes under my belt. So do you."

"No debate there. But, Shane, we need to stop this-"

"-I'm gonna go ahead and stop you right there. I'm not doing anything than what you told me. I'm giving you what you wanted, Lori. I love Carl, you know I do. But I can't be the way I was with him and stay away. You don't get both, how else did you want me to do that? This isn't something to discuss right now, especially not with her right there." Shane nodded his head my way, and Lori turned around to glance at me briefly.

"Actually," he continued, "we're not going to discuss this because there is nothing to discuss, not now, not later. I'm not doing this with you, I can't. I've backed off and that's what I'm going to keep doing. I have something else to focus on, same as you. You have your husband back, you don't need me."

Lori opened her mouth but Shane wasn't looking at her. We all looked in the direction he was when we heard the RV door slam open against its side.

Guillermo grunted as he stepped out, wobbling on his feet with the Walker hanging over his shoulder. He walked in front of the RV, passing Glenn and Dale, who just stared at him. He walked over to the other side of the highway, where the grass began and launched the corpse into the ditch.

He stood up straight, rolling his shoulders and then turning, noticing everyone was eyeing him.

"What?"

Some of them looked away, then after a few seconds Guillermo walked back to the RV, closing the door behind him.

"Oh, God, they're back." Glenn said. I turned over to the wooded area, seeing Rick. Daryl was approaching behind him.

Rick climbed over the guardrail and Carol walked up to him, "you didn't find her?"

"Her trail went cold, we'll pick it up again at first light."

"You have to keep looking, you can't leave my daughter out there on her own, to spend the night alone in the woods."

"Out in the darks no good," Daryl spoke up, his voice raspy but calm. "We'd just be tripping over ourselves. More people get lost."

"But she's twelve, she can't be out on her own. You didn't find anything? How's she supposed to find her way back on her own, she's just a child."

Rick continued to try and calm her while I stared at Carol. I couldn't see her face, only her back. But I could her her sniffling and sobbing, her shoulders shook with each breath she took. I understood everyone was worried, Walkers had followed her out there. But Carol had just voiced that she was concerned about Sophia being out alone in the woods, for a night.

 _How much does Sophia know?_ I wondered, _her daddy taught her stuff too, right?_ Daddy would tell me I wasn't supposed to use weapons like he taught me. But surely she knew about being outside, enough to get her through one night.

I was fairly certain that daddy would be acting nothing like Carol, if I ever got lost like she did. I wasn't sure if he would just wait here like she was. Maybe he would at first, see if I could do it on my own. Then maybe go after me if I took too long and was wasting his time.

Even Daryl did his part in ensuring Carol, sort of.

"Daryl knows the woods better than anybody, I've asked him to oversee this." Rick said.

 _I know it too._ I opened my mouth, thinking I could help.

 _You're a kid, no one gives a shit what you know._

I closed my mouth, pressing my lips together in a tight line.

 _You're just in the way. Open your mouth and they'll all just look at you funny again._

I turned away, starting to walk back to the RV.

Maybe I wasn't as worried as I should've been. Everyone seemed so concerned and worried, just waiting. And I was just hoping we could get off the damn road after what happened. The first time I killed a Walker, after the initial shock wore off, I was proud. I had saved myself instead of someone else saving me, and I hoped that someone else would be too.

Unfortunately this time, the shock hadn't worn off, Sophia, and that conversation with Shane and Lori had distracted me. As soon as I had turned away from them all I remembered and I just wanted to get out of there.

That was one of the reasons I didn't want to be around them, I was starting to feel bad for not being as worried for her. Maybe it was because I didn't know her, but she did seem nice, she had tried to talk to me.

So instead of being concerned I just felt guilty.

Fortunately and unfortunately, I was met with a new distraction when I walked into the RV. The curtain to the back where the bed was was still open. I could see Guillermo sitting on the edge of the bed. I had forgotten he was going to be there.

I could hear him quietly sobbing, I froze when I first saw him, taking the sight in.

He had a gun to the side of his head.

It took me a few minutes to really register what I was looking at, even then it didn't seem right. I turned to the door of the RV, as if expecting someone else to be there, seeing what I was seeing. And maybe know what to do about it. But I had closed the door, of course I could've just opened it, maybe I should've. Maybe I should've called for someone.

Instead I just stood there and looked back at him.

His hand was shaking as he held the gun, it looked like the gun Shane had taken and put into the bag earlier. Then I remembered Glenn putting the gun bag in the back of the RV.

Guillermo's shaking worsened and he abruptly lowered the gun, swearing under his breath in frustration. He threw his head back, teeth clenched as he took in a deep breath.

Then his eyes met mine and he was as frozen as I was.

We had stared at each other for so long, that when he finally said something, I almost didn't believe he spoke.

"Go," he croaked out.

At first I didn't say anything, even after I finally registered the one word he said. It sounded like he had tried to demand it when it sounded as if he was merely requesting. My eyes went down to the gun in his hand.

"Why . . . are you gonna shoot yourself?" I managed to say, looking back at him.

"If you've seen what I've seen you'd pull the trigger too," he said, almost in a whisper.

"B-Bullets," I stuttered, I was nervous to say anything to him. I was nervous to even move, whether it was further away from him or closer. I had silently hoped that the one word could get my point across.

His eyebrows furrowed, the frustrated expression he wore turned to one of confusion.

"Officer Shane," I said in a quiet and shaky voice, trying to explain, "I-I think he . . . I think he took the bullets out."

He narrowed his eyes at me, then turned his attention to the handgun. He brought it up slightly and I watched as he popped the magazine out, looking into it. He still didn't say anything, he just stared into it.

"They don't usually put 'em away loaded . . . _just in case_."

Then he started to laugh. It was light, but continued on as he put the magazine back into the gun. He placed the gun flat on the palm on his hand, lifting it up and down, as if weighing it.

" _Me cago en dios y me sobra mierda_ ," he shook his head, staring down at the gun.

His voice reminded me of Morales, I guessed it could be a Mexican accent. But I never met many people with accents. Just Morales and his wife. Then my mind wandered briefly to where they were, if they made it to where their family was.

Rick told them where we were going if they changed their minds, but now the CDC was gone, nothing but a pile of rubble. They probably wouldn't be able to find us.

Guillermo was still looking at me, but his eyes seemed empty, as if he was looking but not noticing what was in front of him.

Staring at Guillermo, I remembered something else. Jacqui and Andrea, hearing the others talk about them it sounded like they knew what would happen to the building, but they stayed.

Jacqui had tried to get me to leave before Daryl showed up, but made no move to leave herself.

 _"It was their choice, their decision to make."_ I remembered Lori said, _"Not yours, not more than it was with Jim."_

Jim, Jacqui and Andrea. They all had one thing in common. _They all wanted to stay._

The plan to go to the CDC was to get medicine Jim, but then he wanted to stay at that tree. Rick had given him a gun. He knew he was going to die and turn into a Walker. Andrea and Jacqui chose to stay. _They wanted to die._

I felt really stupid for not putting that together earlier.

"Why did you fight the Walker?"

His eyes suddenly become more focused, "What?"

I opened my mouth but hesitated, nervous all over again, "you-you were pushing it away. Why?"

"You think I want to get eaten?"

"I just . . . I thought . . . if you want to die, why bother?" I said, looking away, down at my old worn running shoes. "I mean, if you want to die. Does it matter how? Either way you'll die."

There was silence, I waited him to say something, maybe tell me that I was wrong, or tell me to leave again.

Then Guillermo finally put the gun down on the bed. This made me feel at ease a little, until he stood up. As he walked forward through the RV, he picked something off of the counter. I didn't see what it was until he was looking down at it in his hands.

I was more nervous the closer he got, I wasn't exactly afraid of him, but I wasn't not _not_ afraid of him. I liked him when he was quiet, he didn't want to talk and we had that in common. He was silent and would just stare off, as if he wasn't there. I guess that might not have been normal, but it wasn't as awkward as it would've been sitting with someone else.

He stared down at my knife in his hand.

"Yours?" he raised his eyes to me, holding the knife out.

I nodded and took it from him hesitantly. It was still bloody from stabbing that Walker in the head.

Then it got even more awkward, I was talked out, feeling as if I had said enough. Not that it mattered if I talked, no one cared what a little girl had to say. Even so, I didn't have anything else to stay. As he stared at me, I waited to see if he would talk.

He looked down at my leg, as if noticing the others, "you know how to throw it?"

Obviously it wasn't the first time I had this conversation, I talked about it with Merle, then Shane. But I suddenly decided I had talked enough, as if each word I said just depleted my energy. My anxiety only grew now he had stirred the conversation on me, making me want to talk even less.

Instead of really answering, I just shrugged. Tucking the knife away as I backed away a little.

"Bye," I said quietly, going to the door.

I was surprised at how dark it was getting so fast. Carol and Lori were over by the guard rail, Carol was still crying.

Most of the men were together by one of the abandoned cars, they weren't talking quietly so I could hear what they were saying.

"It's best to keep the kids in the RV for the night, have them in one place. Safer in there," Shane said.

Daryl scoffed, "right, 'cause that worked so well the last time you had one of 'em in there."

"Well, what do you suggest?" Rick asked.

"You're plan is to have most people cooped up in that trailer, more of us there are in one place, sleepin' or not, we make more noise. Guy on watch isn't paying attention, Geek strolls on in, hearin' us rollin' 'round and snorin'. We're cornered. Best to spread some of us out, cover the car windows, I already did my own." he nodded in their opposite direction.

"Maybe so, but keeping the kids together-"

"-is a fuckin' dumb idea. 'Specially with the way that girl screams all night, better for her to be spaced out from the others."

Shane sighed, "I'm sure what we saw today scared the hell out of her, same as it did everyone else. She's probably fine now, I haven't seen that happen with her before. We just assure her it's safe."

"But it's not, you're not hearin' me. Obviously your fuckin' deaf if you're not hearin' her either."

"I don't like the idea very much, but she's talked to Daryl and his brother a lot more than any of us. If he says this isn't the first time it's happened . . ." Dale trailed off.

"So what?" Shane shakes his head, "we just leave her in one of those cars alone then."

"No, you dipshit. Someone will stay with her, hell, she can stay with me I don't give a shit. She's up screamin', wakin' everyone else up, no one else will be quiet. We got her somewhere else, spaced out with one person, windows covered. There just so happens to be a Geek, once she quiets down, after some time it'll forget it heard anything."

"I'll be taking the first watch," Dale said, "from the RV it's easy to keep an eye out. Rick, Lori and Carl could take the bed in the RV. There's a the couch in there too."

"I'll go hold up in some car," T-Dog said, I noticed then he was clutching his injured arm which was wrapped with clothing. "Carol could stay with me if she wants."

"I'll take Toby, get a car prepared like Daryl said." Shane claimed.

I found myself feeling anxious, from staying with Shane, from the whole conversation. I hated that I was just this huge complication, always just in the way, doing everything wrong.

That morning I hadn't really gotten in trouble for waking everyone up or yelling at Lori, but then Daryl directed everyone's minds to leaving, so maybe they didn't think on it long enough. If I stayed with Shane he could get mad at me like he did at the CDC, and I still didn't get what that was about. It was the first time I had woken Shane up, I couldn't believe I was able to avoid it for so long, but I did.

Daryl had seen me have the nightmares and apparently Merle had told him. There was that time in the truck when we stopped and left Jim, then the CDC. He never got mad or yelled, though he was irritated. Daryl probably just didn't care enough for the discipline, he even stated before I wasn't his responsibility. Daryl had yelled at me and was mad at me before, but never about waking him up.

Shane had been nice to me throughout the day, but he was always so unpredictable. He had basically told me in Atlanta he wouldn't punish me, but at the CDC it looked the opposite. I didn't get him. Sure Daryl didn't like me that much, but I don't think he was mean as much as he was dismissive. Daryl's behavior toward me was predictable. I knew what to expect.

Not so much with Shane.

I walked closer to them, looking at Daryl's back. "Can I stay with you?"

They all turned to look at me then, but I kept my eyes on Daryl. I guessed he would just mutter something about me doing whatever I want, or that he didn't care.

T-Dog sighed, "I swear to God this kid is everywhere."

Daryl looked back at Shane, I couldn't see his expression but Shane had narrowed his eyes at him, "yeah, sure."

"Now that that's sorted," Rick said, "let's light a fire, get some food in us."

The sun wasn't fully gone, but it was on it's way. They lit a fire in the centre of the road by the RV, some of them had gathered some wood for fire in the forest area, but didn't go far.

Everyone was eating something different, some had cooked a can of soup over the fire. T-Dog was sharing what looked like a bag of beef jerky with Glenn. We were all eating what they had found while scavenging the cars, crackers, granola bars, chips, cookies, anything that had been sealed and packaged. Glenn had even found a bag of marshmallows he was passing around.

Everything was begin shared, including the soup, making sure everyone got to eat as much as they needed.

The people who had some, roasted their marshmallows on sticks. I only had one but ate it how it was, too hungry to care. Daryl was eating out of this box of cereal he found. After a few minutes he seemed to get frustrated and pulled the bag out of the box. He ripped the bag open all the way and placed it in front of us.

"Eat," he grunted, only loud enough for me to hear. So I would reach into the bag and have handfuls of my own, he did the same. The cereal was bland, no flavour, and in small flakes.

Luckily, Shane had found a truck filled with jugs of water. So we wouldn't run low on water anytime soon.

T-Dog abruptly stood up and placed the bag of jerky they were sharing on Glenn's lap. He leaned forward and grabbed a box from the stash of food we had out. I didn't see what it was, a box of cookies or possibly crackers. Then he went into the RV.

At the beginning of our 'dinner', Carol wouldn't sit. She would stay by the guard rail, watching the forest. After a while, Lori convinced her to sit down, but she wouldn't eat. Every once in awhile we would hear her softly sob or sniffle.

T-Dog came back a few seconds later, sitting in between Glenn and Dale.

"Is he eating?" Dale asked.

T-Dog shook his head, "passed out on the couch. Left it for him on the table."

I briefly thought back to when I saw Guillermo, earlier, what he was about to do. I had tried not to think about it but kept wondering if I should tell someone. I saw him put the gun down but what stopped him from picking it back up when I left? Sure, it didn't have any bullets in it but they kept the bullets in boxes in the gun bag. What stopped him from loading the gun? Maybe he had changed his mind, I wasn't sure.

I pushed it from my thoughts, all it did was make my stomach churn. Even if I did tell someone, what would that do? Whether or not he uses a bullet, when someone wants to die can you really stop them?

If someone had really wanted to die, they'd find a way. Guillermo had a way, but he didn't take it. Unless he didn't know the bullets were in the bag, which I doubted, I was sure he saw them when he opened the bag in the first place.

"How's your arm?" Dale asked T-Dog.

"Hurts," he responded.

Other then that, no one really spoke. I guessed they didn't have anything to say.

I looked up across the fire and saw Shane. He must've felt my eyes on him because he looked back. He gave me a reassuring smile and nodded at me.

Then Dale stood up, saying he was going to take Rick's place on watch. Rick was on top of the RV to keep an eye out, he probably couldn't see a lot but no one wanted to risk it after seeing that herd.

Daryl stood up, picking up his crossbow from the ground. I looked up at him.

"You good?"

I nodded and stood up. It was dark by then, the sun fully gone and the stars out.

I showed him my index finger, indicating for him to give me a second. I went over to the RV, it was dark inside but my eyes adjusted. I could make out Guillermo asleep on the couch. I got my bag from under the table and left. Shutting the door softly behind me.

Daryl watched me walk over with a confused expression, then he seemed to notice my bag.

"Let's go," he said, turning away for me to follow.

I glanced over at the fire again as I began to follow. Shane looked at me again, giving a small wave. I waved back before turning away.

The car that Daryl picked was red, nothing special. Each one of the windows was covered by something, a garbage bag, towels and so on. They were tucked into the doors and windows. I had my bag with me and got into the backseat like he told me to. Once I was in he shut the door.

A second later the passenger door opened at the front and light shone in. I took the opportunity to take my blanket from my bag.

Daryl settled into the passenger seat, placing his crossbow on the drivers side. I heard a click and saw he had turned a flashlight on. Then he shut his door.

The light from the flashlight was the only one we had with the windows blocked. Without it, it would've been pitch black.

"Lay down," he told me.

I did as he said, lying down across the backseat, my legs behind the passenger seat.

Daryl pulled the lever on the side of the seat, reclining the chair back so he lay at a slant over my legs. He put a hand behind his head as he settled down. With his other hand he fiddled with the flashlight, shining it on the roof of the car and waving it around.

After a few moments of silence I spoke, "I'm sorry. I know I'm just in the way."

He stopped the flashlight, holding it in place as it pointed upward.

I was nervous in a whole different way with Daryl, waiting for him to decide he had finally had enough of me being around. He never liked me in the first place. That was fine, most people didn't.

"You're just a kid," he responded, his voice quiet and raspy, reminding me of Merle. "Not your fault."

 _Yeah it is._ I thought, but didn't say it, I didn't say anything.

"You worried about that girl? Sophia?"

I didn't say anything to that either. I didn't really have a response nor did I have a real answer.

"We're going to locate that little girl," he said, "and she's going to be just fine. She's probably holed up in a farmhouse somewhere. People get lost and they survive, happens all the time."

"Are you drunk again?"

He snorted, a smile playing at his lips, "I wish."

I smiled a little.

"Hell, I was younger than her and I got lost. Nine days in the woods eatin' berries, wipin' my ass with poison oak." My smile grew as he continued, "My old man was off on a bender with some waitress. Merle was doing another stint in juvie. Didn't even know I was gone. I made my way back though. Went straight into the kitchen and made myself a sandwich. No worse for wear. Except my ass itched something awful."

A laugh escaped my throat and his head turned to me, "don't you be laughin' at my itchy ass."

I covered my mouth with my hand while trying to press my lips together in an attempt not to smile or laugh.

He gave me a half smile, another reminder of Merle. "Only difference is, Sophia's got people lookin' for her. I call that an advantage." He smile slowly went away, and his eyes were elsewhere, as if thinking of something. When he met my eyes again, he asked, "anything like that happen to you?"

I was hesitant, nervous about the question. But I came up with a response, still smiling, "Nah, I know what poison oak looks like."

He moved his arm from under his head and lightly whacked my side, "smartass. Said your dad would take you out in the woods a lot, in Atlanta I know you'd go out on your own. Ever get lost?"

I opened my mouth to tell him I didn't. Daddy always taught me about marking the trees. He would try telling me about stars and moss that grew on certain sides of trees, telling me about North, west, south, or east. But I got directions mixed up a lot.

I looked away from Daryl, thinking for a moment.

But the word _lost_ had brought an old memory to the surface. I tried thinking about when it happened, possibly when I was nine or so. It was a memory I had purposely forgotten, and there it was again, there to confuse me even more than I already was.

"Not really . . . there was . . . I wasn't really lost but . . ." I struggled to voice it out, not entirely sure how to explain it. I doubt he wanted to hear about it anyway, he didn't really care.

"But what?"

"Nothin'," I shook my head, looking up and away from him, "it's different. I wasn't lost."

"What were you?"

 _Scared, confused._ "Don't matter, just long stupid story."

"Not like I got anything better to listen too. Go on."

I glanced back at him, he was still looking at me closely, waiting.

"Was a long time ago," I told him. I tried to remember when it happened, how old I was. _Maybe nine?_

"M'I gonna have to force it outta you or what?"

I stared back at him, confused at why he cared about it. _He doesn't care, he's just bored._

I thought about it more, wondering if it was a good idea to talk about it, Daddy had been so angry at the time. _But Daddy isn't around to get mad._

"I don't remember all of it. My house was kinda far from the school, it was a reason I didn't go often, that and Daddy said it was a waste of time. I didn't like the teachers and the kids were always mean."

"Kids are assholes," he commented.

I smiled briefly, liking that he understood what I was talking about. "There's this long road that led to the house, winds up a really big hill through the woods. It was one of the times I went to school, really wish I hadn't gone that day . . ." I took in a breath, pausing briefly. "I was goin' up that long road and a cop car stopped beside me. He kept calling at me and I didn't say anything, I was a little scared. He kept asking if I was lost and if I needed help, he said I shouldn't be alone out there. Then he got out of the car telling me he wanted to help. I told him I was just goin' home, but he still didn't leave me alone. He wanted to help me find it, I kept tryin' to tell him I wasn't lost but it's like he didn't believe me."

I stopped talking, taking in a shaky breath, I hated thinking about this. There was still so much I didn't understand about it.

"Then what?"

"I was trying to tell him I knew where I was going, so he told me he'd take me himself. I swear he didn't believe me. I didn't know what else to do so I did what he said and went with him. I showed him the way. Daddy hadn't been home the day before, and wasn't when I left. And the car wasn't there so I knew he was still gone. I told him bye but he had to see Daddy for some reason and wouldn't leave so I told him he wasn't home. He went up to the house anyway and knocked, and he made me let him in. He didn't really walk around the house but he kept callin' out as if Daddy would just show up. He kept talking about how it wasn't good I was alone and he wouldn't leave. He made me go with him again. I knew if I wasn't home when Daddy got there I'd be in trouble. I can't remember but I think I started crying . . ."

Daryl's eyebrows were furrowed, his eyes narrowed as if analyzing my expression as I went on, "he take you to a station?"

"Yeah, I guess that's what it was. That's where all the cops work, right? There were a bunch of 'em there."

He nodded.

"He kept asking my name but I didn't tell him. He put me in this room and left. It had a couch and a kitchen area. I remember it smelled like coffee. Where they had lunch I guess, I was there for a really long time. It was dark out by the time this weird lady came. Wearing some weird suit. I don't remember what she asked, I just remember it was weird and I didn't want to talk to her."

 **)(**

 _The lady sat a couple inches away from me at my right. She had some papers on her lap she kept looking at, and every once and awhile she would scribble something on them with her pen. She kept asking me questions, she told me her name but I had already forgotten it. I just wanted to go home. Maybe if I don't talk they'll let me leave._

 _"Sweetheart," she said after so many questions that I never answered. "You need to cooperate, we just want to know that you're safe."_

 _I kept trying to think about why I was there. And they kept talking about my safety, but I still wouldn't talk to them._

 _Then the door to the room opened and there was a cop I didn't see before, "we got a hold of her school records."_

 _"Were her parents called?" The Lady asked as she stood, walking over to the cop._

 _"That's the thing, they had the phone number for her mother, but when we called the number wasn't hers anymore, hasn't been for a couple years."_

 _"And the father?"_

 _"No number listed, may not even be in the picture."_

 _"Can you call anyone?" She asked, starting to sound frustrated._

 _"We got the record from the public school board. The pictures out of date, only reason we were able to find it was from her listed address. Its after hours so we can't contact the school directly. Not until the morning. Nelson finished his report report, you need it?"_

 _She sighed, "yes, I'll need it for my own. She isn't cooperating, once I'm done I'll have to take her."_

 _"We have a unit parked outside the home, they'll let us know if someone shows up."_

 **)(**

"She went with some cop after a while and left me alone again. When she came back she said Daddy was there, but she wouldn't let me see him. I told her that I just wanted to go home."

"They let you go?" He asked.

"I don't think they were going to, she said they were investigating." I sounded the last word out. "Then someone else came in and talked to her again, and they let me go."

 **)(**

 _I followed the Lady and the cop down the hall, nervous to see Daddy. I knew I was in trouble but still didn't know what about._

 _Soon we reached the lobby I saw Daddy, I was both excited and scared. But he was smiling as he talked to a cop, it was another I didn't recognise._

 _"I really 'preciate this. You've saved me from a lotta of grief, friend," Daddy said to him. The smile and calm expression he wore eased my nerves slightly._

 _"This happens, people make mistakes, even us," the cop shook his head, "even the chief understood once I had a word with him."_

 _"I can't thank you 'nough, my lady's been worried sick."_

 _"I hear that." The cop had turned his head over to me and The Lady, "there they are."_

 _Daddy motioned me over and I hurried, when I got to him I wasn't sure what to do. But he put an arm around me, pulling me into his side._

 _"We've been worried sick, bunny. You can't just go off like that, hear me?"_

 _I looked up at him, confused. Who was we? Bunny? Mama would call me that before she left._

 _"Officer Michaels, is it?" The Lady asked, "are you going to tell me what this is? I am filling out my report, doing my job-"_

 _"-as am I, righting wrongs. This was a mistake, ma'am, that's all. Clyde here is an old family friend, once he explained the trouble I had a word with the chief, just wants to take his little girl home."_

 _"That so?"_

 _Daddy stepped up then, introducing himself. He reached out his hand to shake The Lady's and she returned the gesture._

 _"I'm sure you're eager to get her home, but as I understand, you were not there in the first place. Your daughter was alone, you can be charged with child endanger-"_

 _"-Ma'am," the officer interrupted. "I can assure you, there are no charges to press."_

 _"You are not serious," she gaped._

 _"I am indeed, it's not my choice. You can take it up with the chief."_

 _"I'll do exactly that. Then I will continue on with my investigation."_

 _Daddy chuckled lightly, shaking his head, "is that necessary?"_

 _"Clyde explained to me that her mother would pick her up from school, she was delayed for emergency reasons." the officer explained, "When her mother didn't show, it seems the girl decided she would make her own way home."_

 _I scrunched my face up in confusion and looked up at Daddy. I always walked home, Mama had been gone for so long. Daddy didn't look back at me, but he must have known I was looking, because he began to lightly pinch my shoulder. Taking it as a warning, I put my head down, hiding my expression._

 _Daddy nodded, smiling at The Lady, "it's not the first time she decided to go on her own. When it has happened my wife found her before she could go too far. She wasn't able to find her this time, she called me, hysterical. She was driving around for hours, no sign of her. I was in Atlanta, visiting a friend. With the traffic you understand it's a two-hour drive."_

 _"If she was so concerned, why didn't she contact the police herself."_

 _"As I said, miss, it isn't the first time she went off on her own."_

 _"And where is your wife now?"_

 _"At home, resting. I got home before she did, wanted to see if Toby made it back when the squad car rolled up. After the officer explained I called her to go home and I'd have her back."_

 _The officer was smiling, as if satisfied, "see? It's just a misunderstanding."_

 _"If it is, then my continuing of the investigation won't be a problem. I've already started the report."_

 _"Investigation? That's ridiculous. " Daddy exclaimed, looking away from the Lady and to the officer, "surely-"_

 _"-I'm sorry, Clyde, not our department. I did all I could with the chief. This is a whole different setup. We can let her go home with you, since there's no charges and no sign she's unsafe. And she's wanting too leave with you. But we can't stop an initial investigation if child services initiates one themselves."_

 _Daddy sighed, rubbing his eyes, "I understand. Miss, if you feel the need for an investigation I won't fight you on it. Where do we go from here?"_

 _"We'll be doing routinely visits to the home, making sure she's in a safe environment. Weekly questioning, with the child, you, and your wife. Some of the school staff."_

 _"For how long?"_

 _"That varies, could be three weeks or three months."_

 **)(**

"You gonna keep goin' or what?" Daryl interrupted my thoughts.

I blinked at him for a second, trying to remember the last thing I was saying to him. I had gotten so lost in the memory I didn't even realise I had stopped talking.

"S-Sorry . . . Daddy was talking to one of the cops and the weird lady. Before we leave the lady gave me a card and told me to call her if I needed too. Daddy was quiet most of the drive home."

 _"You're asked by anyone, I mean anyone while this shit is goin' on. You're mama's in Florida, visiting family. She hasn't been gone, hear me? They ask, that's what you say and that's all you say."_

I shook my head, not thinking that was important to mention. "Daddy didn't really start yellin' 'til we got home, even then . . . it was just weird. He was yellin' and cursin'. But he wouldn't . . . I was in such big trouble but he didn't do anythin', I kept waitin' but he just made me go to my room. After that . . . I'm not sure how long, a couple weeks, he drove me to school everyday and picked me up. He never made me go before that. It wasn't the same lady we saw before, but sometimes one would come and take me out of class to ask me questions. I didn't answer, then she would come to the house sometimes. For a while, no matter what I did all Daddy did was yell and send me to my room."

I remembered how that had scared me more than the punishment, for weeks I would just wait for it. Wait for him to bring out the belt, a cigarette, anything. But all he did was yell.

"When that girl stopped coming, Daddy told me that I shouldn't talk to cops. Told me if I did I had to show respect, but don't tell them shit so they'd stay out of our business." I remembered that night better than the others, I clutched my left forearm subconsciously. Remembering the burn, the yelling, then the belt. It was the moment I had waited weeks for.

"Everything was normal again after, Daddy stopped caring if I went to school. When I got in trouble-"

"-he beat you."

I looked at my hands, fiddling with my fingers, "I got in trouble a lot."

Daryl scoffed, he wasn't looking at me. His breathing was loud, only blowing out of his nose in huffs, he seemed mad but I didn't know why.

"I know it's been a long time, it doesn't matter no more. But I still don't get it, why he was so mad but not made 'nough . . . I guess it was because I went with the cop but I didn't say anything, I didn't tell anyone our business."

"Men like your father don't need a reason to be mad," Daryl's voice was deep, firm, angry.

I looked over at him, confused, but with his head turned I couldn't see his expression.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean your dad's an asshole, you're better off he's dead."

My response was automatic, it left my mouth before the thought left my head, "he's not dead-"

"-you don't know that."

"You don't know either, you _can't_." My voice had gotten a little louder then. At first we had been talking quietly, but I was beginning to just feel angry. Daryl was acting like knew, Shane would do the same thing. Maybe I was doing it too, but the reality was we didn't know, we _couldn't_ know. Not unless Daddy found us.

 _Or we find his corpse._

Daryl turned to me again, turning his body slightly in my direction while propping himself on his elbow. The he shined the flashlight in my face. My hand went up to cover my eyes as my fac scrunched up in protest to the brightness.

"You're not-don't tell me you're still waitin' on that asshole."

I reached forward and pushed the flashlight down so it pointed to the floor of the car. I clenched my teeth and my fists in annoyance, before I could say anything he went on. _He's not dead._

"And if he did finally show up? Then what? What you think is gonna happen then? You think he's just gonna play buddies with Shane and Rick? Fuckin' doubt it."

I felt suddenly very defensive and aggravated. I couldn't think of something to say but it felt like he was right. I knew Daddy wouldn't like Shane or Rick, maybe not anyone in the group. But that didn't really mean anything did it? Daryl didn't know anything.

"You don't know that, and you don't know him either."

He scoffed again, turning away and laying on his back. "Could've fooled me."

I heard the click of the flashlight, and the car went dark. Neither one of us said anything else.

I kept thinking it all over in my head before sleep came. I wondered if Daddy was looking for me, if he had ever found that note Shane left. Maybe he had made it to our camp, only moments after we left.

 _Not dead, just gone._

* * *

I gasped awake and shot up. I was panting for air, panicked for a reason I couldn't remember. I frantically looked around or tried to. It was pitch black and I couldn't see anything. Instead of calming down I became for panicked, my heart hammering inside my chest. I rubbed my eyes, blinking repeatedly but I still saw nothing.

I couldn't remember where I was, or even falling asleep. I wanted call out, but I was too afraid to.

Trying to move and feel around my leg kicked something and I heard a groan. I froze and a whimper escaped my throat, tears burned my eyes as I heard movement from wherever I was. Everything was just black, I tried frantically to remember, trying to come up with a reason why I couldn't see. Was I still asleep? Still stuck in some nightmare?

I heard a _click_ and suddenly there was a bright light being shone in my face. My eyes throbbed at the intrusion and I covered them. I moved my hand out of the way, squinting my eyes and trying to adjust.

Daryl moved the flashlight to the side, he looked me over, "bad dream again?"

With the light I could now make out my surroundings, I glanced around the car, Daryl was lying in the passenger seat which had reclined over my legs. He was propped up on his elbow with an unreadable expression.

Now that I was seeing the car, I remembered everything. Where were were, how we got there, me and Daryl talking before we passed out.

I nodded, trying hard to calm my breathing, "I-I couldn't . . . I couldn't see."

He was quiet for a moment, then he offered the flashlight to me, "want this?"

I hesitated. I hated that I was scared, I didn't want him to know but he already did. There was nothing I could do about it. I reached for the flashlight, nodding my head.

He gave it to me and settled back down, putting both his hands behind his head, "try to sleep more," he grumbled out.

I laid back down, squirming a little to get comfortable as I clutched the flashlight with both hands. As soon as I was down my eyes got heavy and shut without protest.

* * *

I sat up and rubbed my eyes, my leg was being shook. Daryl had the back door open, leaning in and shaking my leg to wake me up.

"Come on, we're headin' out soon. Sleep in the RV if you need to. Can't leave you in here."

I nodded and yawned, and he left. It was bright out but I was still exhausted.

I noticed the flashlight on the floor of the car and picked it up, I realised it was still on so I clicked it off.

I got out of the car, picking up my bag and stuffing my blanket into it. For the time being, I did the same thing with the flashlight, knowing Daryl wouldn't need it back just yet.

I got out of the car and went toward where the RV was. Everyone was walking around, eating or packing. The pile of food that had been collected was by one of the cars, ready to be packed away.

"Are you hungry?"

I turned to see Shane who must of noticed me glancing over at the food. I shook my head.

He gave a brief smile, "did you . . . how did you sleep?"

I just shrugged, I was still tired so I really didn't feel like talking.

"Alright, gather around," Rick called out.

Shane and the others did what he said, forming a circle around him. I stepped closer to watch and listen, but stayed behind the others.

Rick unrolled the arsenal Carl had found the previous day, "everybody takes a weapon."

I knew that didn't include me so I turned away, I spotted Carl by the RV at the same time he saw me. He waved me over, thinking I didn't have anything better to do I walked to to him. Dropping my bag on the ground.

"The idea is to take the creek up about fives miles," Daryl instructed, "turn around and come back down the other side. Chances are she'll be by the creek. It's her only landmark."

Rick nodded, "stay quiet, stay sharp. Keep space between you but always stay within sight of each other."

"You look tired," Carl said as I leaned against the RV. I nodded in response.

"Dale keep on those repairs," Rick said as he went over to Dale. Dale was standing in the door of the RV, only a few feet away from us.

"We've got to get this RV ready to move." Rick continued.

Dale nodded, "we won't stay here a minute longer then we have to, good luck out there. Bring Sophia back."

"Keep an eye on Carl while we're gone?"

Carl looked up at him with a determined expression. "I'm going with you."

 _Here we go_

Rick shook his head.

"You need people, right? To cover as much ground as possible. Me and Toby," he said, motioning to me, "we can help."

 _And he's dragging me into it._

Rick looked over at Lori who was walking over.

"Your call," she told him, "I can't always be the bad guy."

"Well he has all of you to look after him, I'd say he's in good hands." Dale said.

Rick was hesitant, staring at Carl as he thought it over.

"Sophia's my friend, we can help." Carl pleaded.

Daryl was walking by, he turned and started walking backwards to face us, "We're out there to find a little girl, not lose another one. Can't spend our time babysitting."

"He's right," Shane said, "we need to focus on the task. We don't know what's out there."

Rick glanced at Lori, then nodded before looking back at Carl, "it's best if you two stay here. Help Dale if he needs it."

"But-"

"-Sorry, son." Rick knelt down to Carl's height. "Listen, they're right. You need supervision, you can't shoot yet. We'd be spending more time looking out for you and Toby than actually searching. Dale could really use the help here, fix up the RV, find more supplies. That way once we we come back, with Sophia, we can get off this road straight away."

Carl looked down, obviously disappointed and maybe a bit mad.

"Hey," Rick reached up, taking his hat off and putting it on Carl's head. The he put his finger under Carl's chin, forcing him to look up. "You'll still be helping us and Sophia by staying here. T-Dog's hurt bad, Dale could use the extra pair of hands. Okay?"

"Okay . . ." he mumbled.

He stood up, patting the hat on Carl's head. "Good, stay safe. Listen to Dale." His eyes went to me and he gently squeezed my shoulder as he walked by, "same applies to you."

I gave a short nod and he turned away. Lori knelt down to Carl, hugging him, then kissing him on the cheek.

As they walked away, Carl adjusted the hat on his head so it wasn't blocking his vision. He was really sad about not being able to go, but what could we do?

I forced a smile, looking at his hat, "you're the new sheriff."

His eyes flickered to me, then away again toward the tree-line. The group was out of our sight.

 _What're you doing,_ I scolded myself, _don't try and be funny. You don't have a sense of humor._

"We should be out there too," he said.

* * *

T-Dog was sitting in the door of the RV. He had a bandage and some black tape wrapped around his right arm. He had puked a couple times since the others had left, he looked really sick.

Dale asked me and Carl to pack away some of the supplies found, we have to fill the bags. We had been really slow about it, Carl kept zoning out and then looking toward the forest.

Dale was scavenging for cars, looking for some medicine for T-Dog.

"Do you think they'll be back soon?" Carl asked me for the fourth time.

They had been gone for hours, I wasn't sure how many but I could tell it had been a very long time. We filled the last duffle bag we had. But there was still a little bit more to pack.

We didn't know if there was another bag so we decided to wait until Dale got back.

The task Dale gave us did very little to distract Carl. I knew he was sad and disappointed he didn't go, he spent most of his time with Sophia, so I guessed it made sense for him to want to go look too.

After thinking about it, I tapped Carl's shoulder.

He looked at me with a questioning expression.

"Comics?" I asked, figuring I could skip a few words if I got the idea across.

He glanced back at the forest, quiet for a few moments before nodding, "yeah, okay."

* * *

 **Third POV**

A sound of one single gunshot carried through the forest, drowning out all sounds of any wildlife. When the sound faded, all was quiet.

"Was that them?" Glenn questioned, turning to the two woman and man that accompanied him.

Daryl had looked off in the distance, where he guessed the sound had originated. It was also the same direct Shane and Rick had headed only ten minutes before.

The two former officers had decided to split off from the rest. And once they tired, or found Sophia, they would meet back at the highway.

"Coulda took down a Walker."

Lori shook her head, "Rick wouldn't risk that, not for only one. Neither would Shane, they would do it quietly."

"What if something happened?" Glenn became anxious.

Carol hugged herself, rubbing her arms as she looked around. Thinking and hoping, that when she turned her head, her daughter would be there.

Daryl nodded after thinking about it, then began walking in the direction the two men had veered off in, "let's go."

Then he sped up his pace, holding his crossbow with both hands, ready to use if needed.

Glenn jogged beside him, Carol and Lori following.

It wasn't long before the heard voices, Shane was the first to come into their line of sight. He had his shotgun held up, aiming.

In front of him was a large man. The man has some grey scruff on his face, but obviously had begun balding a long time ago. He was on his knees in front of Shane, holding his hands up in surrender.

"I-I didn't . . . I didn't see her, I didn't I swear! I didn't mean to-I wouldn't . . . Please, don't." The man's voice cracked, shaking his head as he looked down.

Glenn had been the first to see Rick. He was on the ground also, further away, their back to them. In Glenn's position he could see small feet sticking out from in front of Rick. His jaw dropped immediately realizing who was there.

Carol's thoughts hadn't been far behind from Glenn's, but being in a different line of sight, she hadn't seen what he had. But something in her gut told her, she already knew before she saw.

She ran forward, collapsing beside Rick. Sophia was lying on her stomach in the dirt, blood had soaked her neck, shoulder, and back. Carol began crying out, repeating Sophia's name as she stroked her daughter's head, hoping for a response.

"She-She's breathing, she's alive." Rick told her.

Lori was frozen, her hand over her mouth. After collecting herself she went to Carol, hoping to help in some way.

At that moment Rick had taken his hands off of Sophia's back, he had held them there for pressure. Rick quickly tore his shirt off.

"Lori, help me, lift her."

It took a moment for his wife to register his words, once she did, she moves to the opposite side of the small girls body. Being as careful as possible, she lifted Sophia an inch or so off the ground. Rick laid tied his shirt diagonally across Sophia's back and shoulder.

Something had caught Daryl's eye, looking away from them, almost ten feet away, was the body of a deer. Stepping closer, Daryl was able to see the deer was shot straight through the heart.

Daryl was able to put together what happened quickly, and as soon as he did, he felt sick to his stomach.

"I'm sorry-I'm so sorry, it was an accident, please. I swear." The man continued to weep, Daryl briefly wondered if he was crying and shaking from the guilt, or the fear of Shane shooting him. He quickly concluded it to be both.

Carol began talking, or trying to. Daryl could hear her trying hard to ask what happened, among other things. But her sobs and whimpers had made it almost impossible to decipher her words.

"What do we do?! What the hell do we do?" Glenn called out, his hands on his head.

Rick thought hard, they didn't have anything back at the highway. Maybe a few small bandages but nothing for that type of wound. He thought of the possibility that Dale and T-Dog may have found something in their absence, but doubted it.

All Lori could think was how Carol must've felt, how she would have felt in her position. Then she briefly recalled how they had almost allowed Carl to go, she had never been more grateful for her own sons absence.

Rick met her eyes briefly and they knew they were thinking the same thing.

"I-I know what to do, I know someone that can help!" The man on his knees exclaimed.

Shane stepped closer to him, his face exposing all rage from within him as he held the man at gunpoint. "Who?!"

"I-At the farm I live on, the guy that owns the place had a son shot in the foot. He got the bullet out, patched it up good. He works on animals around the farm. He ain't a doctor but i think he'll know what to do. 'Bout a mile away."

Rick stared down at the small limp body, not thinking of any other options, he nodded, "A mile, I can do that." Rick glanced over at Shane, "We'll do it, we can make it."

Rick began to pick the child up off the ground. He held her close adding pressure with his hand to her wound.

"I'm going to this farm, Shane you come with me, we can switch off if I get winded. The rest of you get back to the RV, tell the others what happened."

"No, I'm not leaving my daughter!" Carol cried out.

Rick didn't protest, full understanding. He turned to the man who Shane was now forcing on his feet, "Is it easy to find?"

"You can see it from the road, if ya'll are parked just up yonder you gotta be on sixty-four, you'll snake around the road and it'll be on your left. It's a little further away from the road but you'll find it easy, mailbox says Greene."

"Alright, let's go!"

Glenn nodded, he with Daryl and Lori, began their way back to the highway. They had spent almost all day searching. It would take a long time before they returned to the highway.

* * *

 **Toby's POV**

The comics had been a better distraction than I anticipated. After I asked he went over to one of the cars. I sat at the RV, leaning against the tire until he came back with a small pile.

For while, he went on on about some of the stories and characters, trying to pick one for me to read. Once he he finally decided on one for me, he picked one for himself and sat right beside me. He was quiet as he read.

I had flipped through the the comic maybe three times. Carl was too lost in his own to notice. I was enjoying it at the beginning. Seeing the pictures tell the story. But I was beginning to feel frustrated, I had so many questions and so many things I didn't understand.

"Why a bat?" I asked out loud.

"Huh?"

"Why does he dress up like a bat? There's so many other things. Like . . . wolves, those are cool."

"There's already a Wolfman," Carl said, still looking down at the comic he was reading.

"Oh . . ."

"He dresses like a bat because he's afraid of them." He explained, "he uses his fear against his enemies to make him stronger."

I furrowed my eyebrows, confused. I looked back to the pictures, flipping through the book. I liked looking at the comic books, I could kind of get what was going on with the pictures. But I would still get stuck, not entirely sure why something was happening when it happened.

Like right at that moment.

I pointed to a picture, "why is he laughing?"

 _Did the Bat-Guy say something funny?_ In every picture that the guy was in, he was always laughing or had a creepy smile.

Carl looked over, "He's making fun of Batman."

I hated asking questions, but as each moment passed by I grew more and more aggravated. I was always annoyed when he asked me too many questions, so why would I annoy him the same way?

I bit my lip, staring down at all the pictures, as if I stared long enough I could decipher exactly what was happening. I pointed to one of the pictures again of a girl who had been standing in the background. "But who's that?"

Carl sighed, reaching over he began to flip the pages, "you have to start from the beginning."

 _I did_ _,_ I thought to myself.

Carl stopped at a page, "wait." He leaned in, smiling again. He laughed a little then sat up straight again, his hand still on the page.

I looked down at the page in confusion, then back at him. _Now why is he laughing?_

"Sorry, I haven't read this one in a while. I forgot about that part, it's funny."

He was still smiling, as if waiting for me to laugh too. I looked down again, my eyes looking closely at each picture. When I still didn't get it I looked back at him.

Then he swallowed awkwardly, smile faltering when he realised I wasn't going to laugh. "Sorry. Mom told me you wouldn't like it."

He closed the comic book in front of me all the way before leaning back against the tire of the RV. He brought the book he was looking through closer to his face. "Mom said girls don't like comic books," he said, not looking at me.

 _Now look what you did, you made him sad._

Carl's eyes briefly flickered upward, I thought he would look at me but he was looking back at the forest. The distraction I was giving him was gone, he was worried again. Disappointed he couldn't go help, sad, and maybe even mad. Maybe just mad at me.

 _This is why I don't have friends._

It was quiet, and it felt like all of it was over. But I didn't want it to be, I kind of liked talking or at least listening to Carl talk. Carl wasn't annoying and pressing me about anything, at least not anymore. Instead I was just pressing him about stuff, and made him sad in the process.

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. My eyes and throat burned with humility. I felt stupid, I felt guilty. He was happy and I ruined it. I had never told anyone, I wasn't even sure if daddy knew.

I opened and closed my mouth a few more times before finally spitting it out, "Can you tell me what it says?"

"Huh?" He asked, looking up from his comic.

"I don't know what it says, that's why I didn't laugh. I like the pictures though." I said, trying to make him feel better, "I didn't mean to make you sad."

He glanced from me to his pile of comic books a couple times, when his eyes met mine again his eyebrows furrowed, "you can't read?"

I looked away, down at the cover of the comic book and shook my head.

He was quiet for a few moments, as if processing the new information. "I've seen you read. At our old camp you always had a book. You were sitting with Dale and reading."

I used my finger and traced one of the faces on the cover of the comic book absentmindedly. "It's a trick," I mumbled.

"A trick?"

I sighed, "somethin' I figured out at school." _When I actually went,_ I added silently. "If it looked liked I was readin' teachers left me alone. If I had a book no one bugged me, and I didn't have to talk. I did it at home too, if I had a book I wouldn't get in trouble."

He got quiet again. I could feel his eyes on me.

 _Dumbass, you shouldn't have said anything._

My stomach churned in embarrassment. I didn't look at Carl, I felt like I wanted to curl into a ball and hide forever.

"Is that why you got so mad at mom?"

I looked at him then, "what?"

"At the quarry Mom and Carol were makin. Sophia and I do homework. She made you too. You got mad and swore."

"Yeah," I said, remembering when I had thrown the paper away and yelled at her.

"M-Maybe I could teach you."

I narrowed my eyes, at first I didn't believe him. I thought maybe he was joking, but he didn't say anything. "Why?"

"It could be fun."

I looked back at the comic book in front of me. I had been trying to read for so long. At one point I even went to school as much as possible to try and learn, but by then everyone must've already knew how. Because I didn't get it, then eventually gave up and didn't see the point in going. So far, reading had been anything but fun for me.

Carl seemed to sense my reluctance, because he reached forward and took the comic that was lying in front of me.

"I . . ." Carl looked nervous, "Do you want me to read it to you?"

Again, I almost didn't believe him. I even waited for him to change my mind, he had this expectant look on his face. As if really anticipating my answer.

I wondered why it seemed like he wanted to so bad.

"Okay."

* * *

Carl stopped reading when we heard footsteps. Dale was coming back from searching cars, my eyes widened slightly at the guitar in his hand. He had a bag slung over his opposite shoulder. He walked passed us to T-Dog who was still sitting on the door of the RV.

"Found some more batteries, a bottle of very trendy pink water, an excellent new machete, and I thought Glenn might like this guitar. Maybe he plays." Dale stood the guitar up against the RV, then he dug through his pocket, pulling something out and handing it to T-Dog, "Some ibuprofen. No antibiotics."

T-Dog took the pill bottle and Dale sat down on the cement. He dug through his pack and pulled the bottle of pink water out, also giving it to T-Dog. T-Dog opened the water, using it to wash down the pills he swallowed.

"We've been ransacking these cars the whole time. I can't believe that we have not found some ampicillin, or-or something in the-in the whole place." Dale glanced at the bags we packed then over at us, "thank you for packing that up, you two."

"There's still some left, but the bags full, we didn't know where you wanted it," Carl said.

Dale nodded, "I'll throw the rest in the RV later."

Carl was just about to start reading again, I leaned forward looking at the pictures. But before he could start, out attention was averted to the forest on the other side of the road.

At first I thought I was hearing things, or it was a Walker. But the number of footsteps we could hear increased, and they sounded like they were coming fast. Dale stood up, walking toward the guardrail.

Carl stood too and I followed his lead. Glenn was the first to appear out of the forest, then Daryl. They were running and looked like they had been at it for a while. As they both hopped over the guardrail Lori appeared out of the trees.

Dale sensed the urgency, "w-what's going on? Did you find her? Where're the others?"

Glenn put his hands on his knees, struggling to breathe. He was sweating and his face was flush.

"S-Sophia . . . we-we found her-"

"-She got shot," Daryl said, his face hard and angry.

"What?" Carl ran over to Lori as she came closer. He started talking but Lori shushed him and pulled him close for a hug.

"Shot?!" Dale exclaimed, "what do you mean shot?!"

Glenn stood up straighter, "We-We split up then we heard the gunshot. We found this guy kneeling over Sophia. He-He was panicking and crying, said he didn't mean it."

"The fat bastard was shootin' after a deer, didn't see her."

"Where's Carol?" T-Dog asked.

"Her, Rick and Shane went with that guy, he said he had someone that could help."

Daryl walked closer to Dale, explaining how to get where we were supposed to go. I looked over at Carl, but he was turned away from me as Lori comforted him.

Daryl glanced at me, "anythin' happen here?"

Daryl looked back at Dale who shook his head, "no, it's been quiet. We'll get what we have in the RV and going."

He nodded at Dale, then started in the direction of his motorcycle.

I stood there, looking out into the forest. Everything had been chaotic since we first left the Atlanta camp, even before then. Just one chaotic moment after another. I quickly concluded that I shouldn't have been defining each mess as a single moment, but instead one long-lasting chaotic mess. Why should we start expecting anything less?

* * *

 **Hey readers! It hasn't been a full month and I'm already updating! yes!**

 **PLEASE READ THIS!**

 **Rasha007 helped so much with the bonding scene between Toby and Daryl in the car. I didn't plan for that flashback, but the idea came to me as I was writing and we both loved it. I hope you do too. the third POV scene with Sophia belongs to her, without her putting that scene together (and writing it herself) this chapter wouldn't be done.**

 *****I know it looks like Sophia is taking Carl's arc/story-line but i want to assure you we have so many twists planned so WHATEVER YOU THINK IS GOING ON, just stop thinking :)*****

 **Toby not being able to read I something ive been foreshadowing for a while, I've been dropping hints here and there in each chapter, theyre very subtle so you may not have noticed. I was really looking forward to that scene with her and Carl, I've been wanting to reveal that about her for so long, but I wanted to do it in a meaningful way. I hope I achieved that.**

 **I was really nervous about the scene with Toby and Guillermo, but I had it planned for a while. So let me know what you thought of it.**

 **Thank you so much for reviewing, following, and just plain reading! Your feedback makes all the difference in the world.**

 **Tumblr: tobyjustgone**


	15. The Blood on Our Hands

**Shout out to former user: BadLanguage. If you're reading this I can't message you or find your stories. Wondering if you deleted your account or changed your name. PM me if possible.**

* * *

"Climb down outta my asshole, man. That's all I know." Daryl told Dale.

Everything had been packed and we were ready, Lori and Carl were already in the RV.

After they first arrived, Dale took time to absorb the situation, then shot several questions to Daryl that he couldn't answer.

Dale seemed really unsure, he kept looking around as if battling with himself. One of the things he had questioned Daryl on, was whether or not they should go or when. The whole situation was confusing and practically unbelievable. I didn't have a reaction myself, I thought it over in my head several times.

 _Sophia was shot, Sophia was shot._

Still nothing, they only seemed like words. It didn't feel real, maybe that was why it didn't bug me, I wondered if I would feel differently once I saw her. I knew I had to go where the group went, but I was skeptical, the last two places we went to did not work out, three if I counted the school.

"Maybe they'll have some meds to spare," T-Dog mumbled. He was leaning against the RV, looking at Dale and cradling his arm.

"Huh?" Daryl reacted.

"T-Dog's cut has gone from bad to worse," Dale explained, "he has a very serious blood infection. If we don't get some antibiotics in him soon, he'll die, no joke. We haven't found anything but Ibuprofen."

Daryl looked over at T-Dog, before shaking his head and stepping away toward his bike, "why the hell did you wait 'til now to say anything?"

Dale watched Daryl in confusion as he unzipped on of the bags strapped to the bike. He pulled out a large plastic, clear bag I recognised instantly. The bag was filled with pill bottles.

Dale stepped toward him, surprised.

"Got my brothers stash." Daryl opened the bag and rifled through it, looking at numerous bottles, "Crystal, X. Don't need that. Got some kick ass pain killers," Daryl then tossed a bottle at T-Dog.

T-Dog caught the bottle and looked down at it in his hands.

Daryl kept searching through, until he picked up a bottle with a satisfying label, he held it out to Dale. "Oxycycline, not the generic stuff niether, it's first class. Merle got the clap on occasion."

"Gross," Glenn commented.

I narrowed my eyes at the pill bottle in Dale's hand, confused. Obviously I knew that word, everyone did. But from the way Daryl used it and Glenn's reaction, it was easy to tell it had a different meaning than the one I knew. Not to mention what pills would have to do with it.

Afterwards, while Daryl went to start his bike the rest of us got into the RV. Dale drove and Glenn took the passenger seat again. T-Dog laid himself on the couch and Guillermo was sitting at the table, staring down at it with a blank expression. I slid myself into the booth, sitting across from him. He made no sign he even noticed any of us had gotten inside. My bag was slung over my shoulder and I dropped it into the seat beside me.

I didn't see Carl or Lori, I looked toward the bed area of the RV, the curtain closing off that area was pulled out. I guess Lori was talking to Carl about something again. I had a weird feeling in my chest, feeling bad. I guessed Carl was pretty upset about what was going on.

* * *

 _ **Third POV**_

Shane was standing in the kitchen of the Greene home, looking down at the kitchen table where a map had been laid out. He was listening for a few good minutes as Rick and the large man discussed the plan. The man had given his name, Shane had heard it more than once, but it still hadn't stuck with him, for that time being, he was just the man that shot Sophia.

Shane tried to keep focus, but soon rationalized that until there was some kind of plan, there was no point. He didn't know the area, or anything about the high school they would have to raid, and as far as the large man knew, the place was overrun with the dead. So until he had an idea of how to do what they needed to do, his mind wandered.

According to the older man, Hershel, who was a veterinarian, had listed off the things needed in order to retrieve the broken up bits of bullet embedded in Sophia's flesh. One of the bits, Hershel suspected, was dangerously close to her spine. The medical supplies he named Shane knew nothing of, neither did Rick, the only things they understood was IV and anesthesia. The Large Man claimed to have done some medical volunteering of some kind, it had already slipped Shane's mind what he had done specifically. But he knew exactly what they would be looking for, what the supplies looked like, and feeling responsible for shooting the girl, which Shane thought angrily that he most certainly should, he volunteered to go with them.

In Shane's perspective, Rick had already forgotten who had really pulled the trigger. They were best friends, had been for years, he could tell he was drowning in guilt, blaming himself. Once Hershel, and the Large Man's wife, Patricia stated that Sophia needed a blood transfusion Rick gave no hesitation before rolling up his sleeve and announcing his blood type. Only to be shot down when Carol claimed she didn't know what Sophia's blood type was.

Shane briefly thought back to the CDC, when the doctor had tried to distract Toby, making her feel better by doing that blood type test. That was another thing they would have to look for in order to save Sophia, one of those tests, he forgot what they were called, even though Hershel stated just moments before. Sophia might've gotten hers tested, just as Toby had, until the doctor knocked over the vials and the subject went forgotten.

Toby's blood type, he remembered, was the universal donor type. Though he failed to remember if it was either the O-negative or the O-positive type that could be given to the other types.

He wondered, even waited a little for Rick or Carol to bring it up, offering her up as a blood bag. He felt horrible for thinking that after a few moments, Rick wouldn't do that. It was obvious that the amount of blood Sophia needed, Toby was not able to give. No where close. He wasn't sure about Carol though, she may not give that as much thought, all she wanted to do was save her daughter. But she hadn't said anything about it either. Either she knew it was ridiculous, didn't remember, or plain hadn't given it thought.

Then he wondered if anyone else from the group would mention it once they arrived, but even if they did, Hershel was a smart man. Once he knew Toby's age and saw her size, Shane knew he would shoot that down straight away.

Shane hoped that by then, Glenn and the others made it back to the highway and they were on the way to them. He kept looking toward the windows, hoping they would get there before they left. Maybe then they would have more volunteers, maybe then, Shane wouldn't have to go.

He kept thinking about it, he wanted to help and save Sophia. But having him and Rick leave Lori, Carl and Toby did not sit right with him at all. As soon as he thought of Lori and Carl, Shane attempted to push them from his mind, they weren't for him to worry about, but Rick didn't seem to be thinking of them. Of course, the others in the group, and those of the Greene household would be with them, they would be safe. But that did little to comfort him, he wasn't even sure if the RV had been fixed or when they would arrive.

He tried to focus on Toby, to only be worried about her. Lori wanted nothing to do with him, and Toby didn't seem to see Shane in the brightest light, though Shane didn't see her having many options. She needed someone to worry about her. Rick, Carl, and Lori could all worry about each other.

Then he remembered that morning, how Carl had insisted that they go with them to search for Sophia. Rick had wavered, thinking it over. Shane was sure he was going to say yes, and if he let Carl go along, why keep Toby back? Then Daryl had said his piece, seeming to make Rick think a bit harder. Shane hated to admit that Daryl had been the smarter one in that decision, he hated how he would've let Toby go with him, to take the opportunity to be around her more. He hated how Daryl had been smarter, he wanted to be the one to make the right decisions for her, to be a parent like he had briefly been to Carl.

He wasn't even sure if they were okay, if maybe there was more trouble than just the RV.

Shane finally concluded it would do him no good to think of the hundreds of scenarios that could happen to the others before arriving, he couldn't get out of this. If it was Toby or Carl in that bed there would be no hesitation. Carol was in no shape to do anything, and he would never ask her to leave her daughter, especially when she had the chance to slip away while they were gone. Even if she wanted to go, there was no way they would let her. Not just because he was sure she never held a gun before, but because Sophia needed her mother. Sophia had been unconscious the entire time they were there, there was a few minutes she woke up screaming as Hershel dug into her back, retrieving the shallowest bullet fragment.

"Shane?"

Shane looked over at Rick, pulling himself out of his thoughts.

"You good?"

Shane nodded, "yeah, let's do this. Quicker we get out there, quicker we can get back."

* * *

 ** _Toby's POV_**

"You think that's it?" I heard Glenn ask. I turned my head to the front seats, Dale was looking off at something in the distance. I looked out the window at the table I was sitting at, a far distance away, but not too far that I couldn't see, there was a large white house. We were at an angle where we were viewing the house from the side, so we could see what was behind it just fine. There was one small shaped building that I guessed was some shed. But as we got closer I could make out the fence around it and a few small moving creatures around it.

My eyes widened when I realised they were chickens. There was also a barn far behind the house. There was also another building which was longer, with a fence around it, though I wasn't sure what could possibly be there.

I briefly thought over the possibilities of what else could be there. Horses? Pigs? I had seen horses on TV and riding in the car, but I never got close to one.

"Must be," Dale answered.

The sky was pretty dark, I was surprised that another day passed. I still found it hard to believe about Sophia, it felt like she was around still, maybe riding in another car.

"There's a gate. I'm going to pull over, you go open it and I'll drive on in, close it behind us."

"Yeah," Glenn said, as the RV halted. He got out of the RV and we waited a few moments before we started moving again. I watched out of the window beside me as we drove through an opening in the fence, before we stopped again.

Glenn got back inside and went to sit on the arm of the couch T-Dog was lying on rather than back to his seat.

I guessed he did that because we were so close. When the RV started moving again, it stopped again a minute later, but this time Dale turned the ignition, turning the engine off.

Glenn nudged T-Dog, helping him up. Glenn looked at me briefly, "could you go get Lori?"

I watched Glenn and T-Dog until they were out, delaying his request as much as possible. I glanced at Guillermo I noticed he had switched his gaze from to table to the window, but I wasn't sure when he had done that.

When he didn't move or say anything I stood up, making my way to the back of the RV. I paused at the curtain, wondering if I should somehow announce my presence. I listened for a moment, but didn't hear them talking or anything. So I opened the curtain to see them sitting on the end of the bed, Lori's arm was around Carl.

They stared at me expectantly, then I realised I would actually have to talk. I opened my mouth, but Lori beat me to it.

"Are we there?"

I held back a sigh of relief and nodded my head. Lori coaxed Carl up and I moved to the side so they could get by me.

"Thank you, Toby," Lori said as she walked out with Carl.

 _For what? I didn't even say anything . . ._

I thought about staying with Guillermo, but I was curious to know what was going on with Sophia. And I knew Daryl would be outside, I heard the motorcycle on the way here and I couldn't hear it now, so I guessed he was off it at that moment.

I went outside, closed the door behind me, then caught up with the group. T-Dog and Glenn were ahead of everybody, Dale and Lori with Carl were behind them. And sure enough, there was Daryl. It seemed really strange to be walking together without Rick and Shane, they were always in the lead, directing the others.

Now everyone seemed hesitant and unsure as we slowly approached the large white house. I glanced behind me to see if Guillermo had gotten out, he didn't.

I followed the others as I looked around. I was surprised I didn't see any Walkers, I kept looking but still didn't see any. I even checked behind me a couple times.

I wondered what we were going to do at this place. Were we just going to get Sophia and the others then leave? Or would we stay? I doubted the latter, it seemed a bit random for us to stay. And other people lived here didn't they? This wasn't our place, would they even let us stay?

Maybe we would just be staying the night. It was already almost completely dark, the moon was out. I guessed it depended on how bad Sophia was. All we knew was that she'd been shot, not where.

But even if she was fine, would it matter? No where we went held out, whether we meant it to or not. If she was okay after this, couldn't something else just happen?

The camp was overrun, that school we stayed at overnight was overrun, then the CDC was . . .

I stopped in my tracks, _Oh hell no._

The rest of them kept going and I wondered why no one else seemed that worried. The last place we stayed at blew up, without explanation, at least not one that I was told of.

I looked over at Daryl who was off to the side, spaced out from the others as he walked in the same direction. I rushed over to Daryl and grabbed his sleeve, getting his attention. He stopped and looked down at me, "what?"

I hesitated, his gaze making me nervous. "W-Why did that place blow up?"

"What?" he repeated. After a moment, his expression changed and he seemed to understand what I was asking.

"Is this house gonna too?"

His eyebrows furrowed and he shook his head, "it's different. The CDC didn't _just_ blow up, it's a government building, it was made that way."

"Gover-ment?" I sounded out, repeating the word. I looked over at the house, "so . . . it won't?"

"Nah, nothin's blowin' up. S'long a no one shoots at a cistern."

"What's that?"

"It's a big metal tank of gas, relax, doubt there's one around."

I nodded as he pulled his arm back and started walking again. As I began to follow, I made a mental note to look around for a gas tank when I had the chance.

We were able to catch up easily when the everyone else stopped at the porch.

"So, do we ring the bell?" Glenn asked after a moment, "I mean it looks like people live here."

"We're past this kind of stuff, aren't we? Having to be considerate." T-Dog said as he started up the porch.

"Did you close the gate up the road when you drove in?"

Everyone stopped again at the woman's voice. I looked in the same direction they were too see someone sitting in a chair on the far side of the porch. She was concealed in the shadows so I didn't see her face, but she had her legs up on the chair, hugging her knees.

"Uh, hi." Glenn stammered, "yes, we closed it, latch and everything."

The girl straightened her legs, leaning forward a little.

T-Dog looked down at his arm, "it's not a bite, cut myself pretty bad though."

"We'll have it looked at," she said as she stood. "I'll tell them you're here."

She walked forward into the light, her voice sounded dismissive. She didn't seem very happy, though I wasn't sure if that was our fault. Her hair was short and brown, and her expression looked neutral, like she was neither pleased nor displeased.

"We have some painkillers and antibiotics. He's already has some. if Sophia needs any, we came to help . . . if there's anything we can do . . ." Glenn said, taking the pill bottle out of his pocket.

"Is my dad here?" I heard Carl ask. I looked over to him standing with Lori, they still hadn't walked.

The girl looked back at Carl, confused.

"My husband, " Lori clarified, "Rick Grimes."

The girl hesitated, "uh, how many kids do you have?"

"Uh, three. Including Sophia." Glenn said.

"Come on inside, I'll make y'all something to eat." The short haired girl turned, opening the door and walking into the house.

Everyone followed the girl, Glenn, and T-Dog inside. Me and Daryl were behind but I stopped before stepping up the porch steps. I looked down at the steps, seeing dried drops of blood. After staring at it for a moment, I looked away and followed Daryl inside.

We walked into a large room with two couches and a TV on the far side. There was a girl on one of the couch, her hair was really light blonde, it reminded me of Andrea's and her sisters. She was leaning against some guy, they looked the same age, or at least close to it.

"Sophia and her mom are in this room over here, if you'd like to see them." The short haired girl said.

She lead them to a room on the left but I stood in place. I heard some talking but wasn't sure what they said, I guessed they were talking to Carol. I thought about following them into the room, I was curious and wanted to know what was going on. But I didn't move.

When Carl came out of the room he looked more sad than before, everyone's expressions seemed more bothered than before.

After that, she lead us into the kitchen. The table wasn't very big, definitely wouldn't fit us all.

The girl excused herself for a couple minutes and came back with a different blonde girl, this one was much older.

"I'm Patricia," she introduced as she sat down. She placed some kind of box on the table. "Which one of ya is cut?"

"That'd be me," T-Dog said.

"Have a seat, I'll try and fix you up." Patricia told him.

T-Dog sat across from her and took the makeshift bandage he had off.

"Don't have a lotta chairs," The short-haired girl said, "you can take a seat in the livingroom while I fix up some food. My dad should be with you in a few minutes."

Dale patted T-Dog's shoulder as he left the room with some of the others, including Daryl. The only ones that stayed were me and Glenn.

The girl with the short hair sauntered around the kitchen, clanking dishes, opening cupboards and drawers. In the meantime Patricia had put on some kind of rubber gloves and was getting ready to start stitching T-Dog's cut. Glenn had put the pill bottle on the table for use, he didn't seem to know what to do with it.

The girl with the short hair looked at me and tapped an empty chair at the table, "you can take a seat if you want," she assured. Patricia had started cleaning T-Dog's cut.

I didn't move or say anything, instead I just looked down at my old running shoes. I didn't look T-Dog's way for a while, but from the sudden gasps and moans I guessed she had started the stitching. Thinking about the needle going into his skin I was reminded of the needle I got back at the CDC. I knew it was a totally different thing, but that didn't make me want to look.

"You got here just in time. This couldn't go untreated much longer." Patricia said.

I heard T-Dog continue to groan and whimper and it made me wince, thinking of the needle going into his skin.

"Merle Dixon, is that your friend with the antibiotics?" Patricia asked. I looked up when I heard Merle's name, I wondered how she knew about him then saw the pill bottle on the table, I guessed it had his name on it if it was his.

"No, ma'am. Merle's no longer with us." Glenn replied, "Daryl gave us those, his brother."

"Not sure I'd call him a friend," T-Dog said in a low voice.

"He is today, this doxycycline might have just saved your life. You know what Merle was taking it for?"

I got a funny feeling in my stomach, it wasn't a bad feeling, maybe even happy. I had finally paid attention at the right moment to answer a question. I didn't want to talk, but at the same time I was glad I knew something someone else didn't.

"Clap." I blurted out.

And once again, everyone looked at me, looking surprised. Patricia was the first to recover, giving her attention back to T-Dog's arm. The girl with the short hair continued her business. Glenn was a few feet to my right, his lips were tight and his expression almost seemed embarrassed.

"Um, venereal disease." Glenn said, looking away from me.

 _Wait, now what's that?_

"I'd say Merle's clap was the best thing that ever happened to you." Patricia said.

T-Dog winced as she pierced his skin with the needle again, "I'm trying really hard not to think about that."

I looked around as an awkward silence infiltrated the air. No one else looked confused, and no one else looked like they were going to explain. _What was Glenn talking about, Daryl said it was clap. What does the clap even mean, and what's venereal disease?_

"What's clap?" I asked, looking at Glenn. My voice was quiet but I was sure most of them heard me.

Glenn looked at me again, only to slow look away toward T-Dog, "uh . . ."

Patricia lifted her eyes to me for a brief second before looking back at T-Dog's arm.

"N-Nothin'," T-Dog rasped, "don't worry about it."

I pressed my lips together in annoyance and turned away, walked back the way I'd come in.

 _No one tells me shit._

I stepped into the doorway of the living room, Daryl was standing by the front door, leaning against the wall. That blonde girl and the boy were still sitting on the couch, they were talking quietly to each other but I couldn't hear what they were saying. Lori and Carl were sitting on the couch across from them, Dale sat there too. I didn't see Carol, but I guessed she was in the room where Sophia was. I wondered about Rick and Shane. I didn't think they were in that other room but I wasn't sure.

I just kind of stood there in the doorway for a minute, then I moved myself into the room more, going to the far side closer to the corner.

Then a man walked out of the room Sophia was in, wiping his hands with a rag, the rag had blood on it. He was a lot older than everyone else, maybe closer in age to Dale. He had more hair then Dale and it was much whiter.

The old man looked at Lori as she stood up, "Lori Grimes?"

"Yes."

"Hershel Greene, your husband asked me to speak to you when you arrived. Him and Shane left with my man Otis to a school not too far from here, there was a FEMA shelter set up there."

"What? Why?" Lori's eyes were wide with surprise and concern.

"Sophia isn't doing well. She's lost a lot of blood and her mother doesn't know her blood type so we can't do a transfusion. The bullet that went into her back broke into pieces, I was able to get a shallow piece out, but I can't risk getting the others unless we put her under. One of the pieces, I suspect is too close to her spine, if she moves, even in the slightest, I could severe and artery or damage a nerve. But putting her under is a risk on it's own, in her current condition it is possible she wouldn't be able to breathe on her own. That's why they left, to find a respirator, more surgical supplies, anesthesia."

"And when they get back, if you have all that, you could save her?"

"I could _try_ , and I will."

Lori nodded, "how . . . how long ago did they leave?"

"Not long before you got here. Twenty minutes, half an hour at most."

"I don't even know what to say," Lori went on, "you have no idea . . . thank you-"

"-Don't thank me just yet." Hershel stopped her. "Your time would be better put to use praying for the girl. I haven't had a prayer answered in a good solid few months . . . so I figure we're about due for something good."

Lori told Carl she would go and see Carol, she said it loud enough for most of us to hear. Lori walked around the couch and to the room where Sophia and Carol were. Then the short haired girl with the pink tank top stepped out of the kitchen.

"I put together some sandwiches, help yourselves." she said in a neutral tone before turning back into the kitchen. Carl got up and started toward the kitchen, when he saw I hadn't moved he stopped in his tracks and nodded toward the kitchen with his head. I knew he wanted me to follow.

When I started to follow he started walking again. Before going into the kitchen I glanced over at the living room, no one else had gotten up or moved. Dale still sat on the couch, this time fiddling with the knob on his watch. It wasn't the first time I saw him do it, he actually did it a lot.

I followed Carl into the kitchen, T-Dog and Glenn were sitting at the table eating sandwiches, I didn't see Patricia. I guess they finished T-Dog's arm since she was gone and he was eating.

"Have a seat, kids," the girl said looking at us, "I'll grab you some."

"Sit with me," Carl said quietly as he leaned toward me. I turned my head to him just as he turned away, he walked around the table and sat in an empty chair closest to T-Dog. I swallowed nervously and followed after him, sitting in the empty chair next to him.

"I hope Sophia is going to be okay." He said quietly.

T-Dog looked up at him and so did Glenn. T-Dog looked like he wanted to say something but Glenn spoke up, "she will, Shane and your dad will come back with everything they need. Everything is going to be okay."

I didn't see Glenn in the room when Hershel explained what was going on, but I guessed he was near the doorway or came to listen in. Two plates were placed in front of me and Carl.

"I'll grab one for Carol." The girl took a plate from the counter behind us and left the room. I stared down at my own plate, eyeing the sandwich. I wasn't sure what was on it, some kind of meat and something else. But that wasn't what surprised me. I lifted my hand, poking my index finger into the bread. It was soft, not stale or moldy, but fresh bread. I looked over at Carl to see he had already started eating without question. I found that strange, usually he was the one with the questions. I briefly wondered where they got it or how they made it, then I just shook my head to myself and started eating.

I didn't know what kind of meat it was, maybe ham. It was chewy and I didn't really like it, there was some cheese too. I had eaten about half of it before I got sick of the taste and started to feel full.

I put the sandwich down and stared at my plate for a while. This was all very weird, first we're travelling, no food, no water then we come across the traffic block. Then Sophia gets shot and we end up in some fancy house with a random bunch of people serving sandwiches. I had a feeling Shane or Daryl would have something to say about it, but I guessed Shane was too busy getting what Sophia needed.

Sure enough, just as I thought of Daryl he walked into the kitchen. I watched as he went to the counter and grabbed a sandwich for himself, eating without question. Glenn said something I missed and got up to leave the room, leaving his empty plate behind.

T-Dog stood once he finished eating and put his plate on top of Glenn's. He mumbled something about talking to Carol before leaving the room. Daryl followed him after.

Carl was still beside me eating. Though with his head down his dad's hat covered his face. I wasn't going to eat anymore so I just sat there awkwardly. I pressed my lips together as I got lost in thought, looking at Glenn and T-Dog's empty plate. I turned my head over to the sink, on the counter right beside it was an old dish rag. I glanced back at the plates, rationalizing that it was better than just sitting here. Daddy never liked it if there was something to be done and no one doing anything about it.

I looked at Carl and tapped my plate with my finger, "want it?"

He lifted his head so I could see him under his hat. His mouth was full so he hesitated before answering. He chewed a little and finally swallowed, "uh, I guess. You don't want it?"

I just shook my head and put the last half of the sandwich on his plate. I stood up reaching across the table to grab the two plates piled on each other as well as my own. I heard Carl ask me what I was doing but I ignored him and took the plates to the sink.

There was a small bottle of dish soap on the counter, there wasn't much left in it. I placed a drop of it onto the dish rag and proceeded to clean the dishes.

Once I was done I put the dishes on the dry rack on the left side of the sink. I turned around, Carl was watching me questioningly, chewing slowly. I felt like I was suffocating, I was bored and wanted to do something, I couldn't even just walk around the house because of the new people and I knew everyone else was in the next room.

I wanted to be alone but I didn't just want to sit in there and hide. I knew I couldn't even attempt to go outside, it was too dark, there was too much tension and worry with everyone. And no one was busy so someone would notice and see me right away. I couldn't go unnoticed now.

I didn't just want to stay in there and do nothing, if they said anything about what was going on or if Shane and Rick got back I wanted to know. I decided maybe I could just stand on the sidelines with Daryl, I'd done it before.

I left the room without saying anything to Carl, I felt a little guilty but I just didn't have it in me to say anything. I walked into the living room and all was silent. I didn't see Lori, Glenn or T-Dog so I guessed they were in another room. I caught sight of Daryl just as he was opening the door to go outside. I rushed over, hoping no one would call out or stop me as I followed him onto the porch.

As the door closed behind us he turned around, I guessed because he heard me following. He still had his crossbow slung over his shoulder, which of course wasn't unusual.

"Can't breathe in there," he commented. I gave a nod and watched as he went to the porch railing and leaned forward onto it, looking out into the darkness.

I took a couple steps closer until I was beside him. I waited, wondering if he would tell me to beat it or that he didn't want me around. But he was quiet.

"Guessin' you're with me again for the night?" He asked after a very long silence. I looked up at him, not sure if I should answer or even how. I hadn't thought about sleep, but now that Daryl brought it up, I'd love to just lie down and hide away.

I turned my head, looking at the house. Daryl seemed to guess my train of thought.

"Not stayin' in there. Puttin' up the tent. Not sure what the others are doin'. Not even sure how much space there is to sleep or if those people really want us in there."

 _Makes sense,_ I thought, _Daddy never liked surprise visitors._

* * *

Daryl saw the headlights of the truck in the distance before I did. So I was confused when he suddenly went to the door. He opened the door and yelled in, alerting everyone they were back. That was when I glanced to the road.

Then Daryl resumed his place and almost everyone filed out of the house. I didn't see Carl. I glanced over at the RV, wondering if Guillermo would ever come out.

The truck pulled up the driveway and kept going until it was in the light from the porch. I didn't recognise the truck, but I recognised the driver and the man in the passenger seat. Shane wasted no time as the car halted to a stop to scramble out the drivers side with a bag over his shoulder, not even bothering to turn the ignition off. Rick was on the passenger side and didn't get out right away.

Just about everyone was outside, Lori and Hershel rushed toward the truck, Hershel being a little faster, meeting Shane halfway to take the bag. Shane, I noticed, was limping as he walked.

Rick decided to get out of the truck, "how is she?"

"There's still a chance," Hershel said loudly. Rick walked around the truck and nodded. Both men were pale, exhausted, and drenched in sweat. Blood spattered both of the front of their clothes, I could even see some chunks of something stuck to them, maybe flesh. The blood seemed darker than it should've been, making it obvious it didn't belong to any humans.

Lori ran over to Rick, kissing her husband and hugging him tightly before taking the bag he had. The short haired girl appeared behind her taking the bag from Lori and walking over to Hershel with it.

Hershel stared at the two men before glancing at the truck, awaiting an answer to an unspoken question. "Otis?" He finally asked.

Rick looked up, his face taking on a new horrified expression. He put a hand to his face, hiding his expression as he shook his head. Shane's eyes were wide as well, seemingly in fear but there was something else there I couldn't make out. Some kind of hesitation or confusion, as if he had forgotten his surroundings. After hesitating, Shane shook his head as well.

Hershel's lips parted and the girl with the short hair let out a sob as her facial features turned to cry.

"We say nothing to Patricia," Hershel said, turning to the house. "Not 'til after. I need her."

Maggie stared at Shane and Rick as tears streamed down her face, "how . . ."  
"They . . . they kept blocking us from every turn." Shane sputtered out, "We had nothing left we were down to ten rounds. He said-he said he'd cover us . . . th-that we should keep going. So that's what . . . that's what we did. I just . . ."

"Maggie!" Hershel called out with an urgency in his tone. He had reached the porch and was making his way inside. After a deep breath, the short haired girl; Maggie, followed him.

As those two went inside, most of the others followed. After a while, Lori and Rick did too. I think Carl was still inside, I knew he'd be happy his dad was back.

I looked back at Shane, I was still far away from the truck but it was easy to say he looked like he was about to cry.

I started to walk closer but I stopped, I didn't have anything to say and still didn't feel like talking. I guessed Otis was the guy that shot Sophia, but was it really a bad thing that he was dead? He shot someone, that was bad. Though they were saying it was an accident. It was really hard for me to form a clear thought on the whole thing, especially since I never met the guy.

His eyes met mine briefly and he looked away again. He started walking forward, well, limping. I thought he was going to come talk to me or say something, but instead he just kept walking. I watched him in confusion as he passed me and went into the house.

Daryl was still on the porch, he was staring at the door, he had watched him too.

I furrowed my eyebrows, there was a pang of hurt in my chest. I didn't always want to talk to him but that had never happened before, he hardly even looked at me. Sometimes he would pass and give me a smile, always meeting my eyes, sometimes patted or clutching my shoulder.

This time he did nothing.

I stared at Daryl, as if he would offer some kind of explanation. He looked back at me with a confused expression, he noticed it too. He left the porch, walking passed me and mumbling something about the tent.

I went back to the porch steps and climbed up. When I reached the top, I turned around and sat down. I knew they were going to try and fix Sophia now, and everyone would just have to wait to see what happened. Including me, I chose to wait outside.

* * *

"Hey."

I turned around to see Carl, he was still wearing that hat. Carl came forward and sat beside me on the step, he put his elbows on his knees and rested his head on his hands.

"Still waiting," he said. "Everyone's real quiet. Shouldn't it be done by now? Is it bad it's taking so long?"

"Might be good," I finally decided, thinking maybe if I answered he'd go away. "maybe whatever they have to do is workin', if it wasn't she'd be dead, right? And they'd be done."

I could tell by his expression I had said the wrong thing.

 _Shit,_ I thought my sentence over, trying to figure out which part I shouldn't have said. _Was it because I said 'dead'? I really need to work on this._

He was silent for a long time, he wouldn't look at me. I tried to think of something else, maybe a way to back peddle but I came up with nothing.

"We should've been out there." He finally said, "if we were helping we could've found her faster and she wouldn't be hurt."

"No." I told him. My sympathy was melting away, being replaced with annoyance over this subject. "Even if we went we're not allowed to do anythin'. We're kids, you're a kid, I'm a kid, Sophia's a kid. No one's gonna let us do anythin' or tell us shit so just get over it." I took a deep breath after my small rant, my voice had been deeper than usual, making my throat feel a little sore when I finished. I just didn't want to talk and that made me even more mad because he wasn't going anywhere until I did talk.

Carl refused to believe, or just plain ignored the fact that he wasn't an adult. He thought he could do anything and prove he could just grow up and always be involved. And as horrible as it sounded, I was sick and tired of Sophia. Yes, she seemed nice and she was never mean, she had tried to talk to me before but I always brushed her off. I hated how guilty this all made me feel.

I never talked to her and we weren't friends, I knew that was why I didn't care as much as everyone else. But it was like I had to keep being reminded that I didn't feel bad and I was supposed too, then I felt guilty, then even more guilty because I never talked to her in the first place.

I wished they just hurry up and fix her so we could leave and continue this painful journey. Then there was a pang in my chest that melted down and settled in my stomach, feeling like a lead weight.

 _I'm not supposed to be here. Daddy was supposed to come back and we were gonna go home._

I could feel Carl looking at me but I didn't look back. I was suddenly just so angry with everything and everyone. I stared at the ground, silently pleading he wouldn't talk and just look away.

We both jumped as the front door opened. When we looked, it was Lori, telling us Hershel was finished.

We both went inside and just about everyone was in the living room. I didn't see Daryl, but then I remembered he went off to get the tent and I didn't see him after that. Shane was at the back of the room sitting on the floor. He looked up, as if noticing for the first time Hershel was in the room too and decided to stand. Everyone else was standing too, eager to hear the results.

Carol was standing in front of the couch, she must've been sitting on it. I guessed she had to wait in this room while they did the surgery. It was easy to tell she'd been crying, and was still sort of crying.

The blonde women, Patricia, went off into the kitchen, holding some kind of tray.

"She seems to have stabilized," Hershel said.

There were gasps, and some exclamations. A lot of people were smiling. Carol put a hand to her mouth, in awe and in shock.

"I don't, I don't have words." She struggled out.

"I don't either, I wish I did." Hershel said.

"Thank you. Thank you so much." She started crying again, even though she was smiling and Lori went over to her.

"Don't." Hershel said, "there's still a chance . . . we have the bullet fragments out and her vitals are low, stabilising and very slowly rising, but still low. She's still in a somewhat critical condition. All we can do now is hope for her recovery. She's lost a lot of blood we couldn't replace since you were unable to find that test. We all need the rest, we don't have much room in the house you'll have to make do with your RV, I believe we have a tent or two in a closet somewhere, if you need it. Once we've rested well and the daylight comes I hope to talk with you all again. For now, I need to handle my own affairs."

"There anything I can do?" Rick said quietly, he seemed unsure, almost afraid to ask.

Hershel thought it over, "how do I tell Patricia?"

Though the question was rhetorical, Rick took sometime before glancing at his wife. "Go with Carol, see Sophia. I'll go with Hershel."

"Can I see Sophia too?"

Lori agreed as soon as Carol said it was alright. Then Rick left to the kitchen and Maggie left the room down another hall. Looking around, I didn't see the other blonde girl that was sitting with the guy on the couch. I watched some people leave the house, maybe to go to the RV or set up a tent, as I watched them go, I saw Daryl at the door and wondered when he got there.

Shane was still standing on the far side of the room, staring at the floor. When maggie came back she was holding a stack of folded clothes.

"You can use the shower down that hall to the left," she said, her eyes bloodshot from crying.

"Thank you," he said in a shaky voice, taking the clothes.

"They won't fit well, they were Otis'." She explained.

I watched Shane's expression as his eyes widened slightly, after a moment he nodded. He caught my eye for a brief moment before looking away and going to the bathroom.

I looked over at Daryl just as he turned and left outside. I followed him out. Daryl walked off into the darkness, further away from the house then I expected, once we got closer I saw his and Merle's tent set up near a large tree.

Daryl looked at me as he began to unzip the tent, "tired?"

I nodded.

"You can have Merle's sleepin' bag."

We both went in, he didn't have a lantern or a flashlight on. That was when I remembered I still had his flashlight in my bag. I took the backpack off and put it down, then I turned to zip the tent back up.

After I did that I went into my bag and gave Daryl the flashlight. He didn't notice I was giving it to him right away, I nudged him with it and he did a double take before reaching out for it.

He turned on the light and looked around, straightening his sleeping bag a little, everything was already laid out. This was what he was doing for the while he was gone.

I took my shoes and socks off and as soon as I did I could feel my feet throbbing, I curled my toes a bit, trying to relieve myself of the pain.

I ignored the throbbing, figuring I had just been on my feet a lot . I looked around the tent, there was a bag in the corner I knew was his, and resting beside it, in a heap on the ground, was Merle's leather jacket. My eyes widened and a crawled over to it, picking it up to examine it. I forgot all about it, I tried remembering what happened to it. I knew I had it for a while, but I never got to give it to Merle. I glanced at Daryl, wondering if I should ask.

I found out he had already been watching me, "found it in here. You look confused. Thought you put it in here."

I pressed my lips together, thinking hard. Then I came to the conclusion that while Merle was gone and Daryl was hunting, I left it in the tent when I was hiding or sleeping in it. So I nodded.

"Use it if you need to, I'm not gonna." His voice sounded a little more rough, more edgy and annoyed. I guessed it was because he was thinking about Merle.

I crawled over to Merle's sleeping bag, taking the jacket with my and placing it on the ground beside my sleeping place.

"Want the light?" he asked as he settled in his bag. I shook my head, as I laid down.

He placed the light in between us, meeting my eyes and nodding before turning it off. It took me a minute to realize he was making sure I knew where it was. I furrowed my eyebrows, confused at his thoughtfulness. I placed my hand on Merle's jacket, I liked the feeling of the leather, it was cold and it had been such a hot day. After thinking about it I sat up and took Sophia's sweater off, it was dark and I would be sleeping, I had been wearing it since the CDC, and there was still that blood stain on the front from killing the Walker in the RV. I also took my knives off and put them aside before lying back down.

The events of the day, of the week, of the month soared through my head. I had so many thoughts and emotions I couldn't sort out I figured I'd never fall asleep.

But I did.

* * *

I woke up feeling movement by my feet and I heard it as well. I immediately sat up, a little fearful and confused. There was light seeping through the tarps of the tent, telling me it was daytime. Daryl was at my feet, facing me as he slid on a new shirt. It was darker than the one before, but the sleeves had still been torn off.

He looked at me, noticing I was startled. He didn't say anything, instead he looked away, going through his bag. I realized I really needed to pee. I started to get up when I remembered the sweater, it hadn't really started to smell too bad yet, but with the blood I knew it would. I put the sweater on but didn't zip it up, then I put my socks and running shoes on, I noticed again my feet were still sore but I ignored it. I strapped my knives back on too. I went over and unzipped the tent to crawl out, I didn't bother zipping it back up, assuming Daryl would be out behind me.

Looking off toward the big house, I saw the RV and just about everyone else. It must've already been close to noon, everyone was busy. There was one tent up already and I could see Glenn struggling with the poles of another. I wondered why he was setting up a tent at that moment, and where everyone slept last night. Then I guessed mostly everyone had to have crammed into the RV.

Dale, unsurprisingly, had the hood of the RV opened and was fiddling with the inside. Was it broken again? We might as well find a new RV.

I stared at the house, thinking for a moment. I wasn't really sure if I should go and ask someone, they may not of even had running water. I turned back to Daryl's tent, we were a bit far away, but not that close to the actual forest area. There were a few trees and some bushes, almost making a tiny forest of its own. I walked behind the tent and was about to continue on until Daryl stopped me.

"Hey. Where you goin'?"

I looked at Daryl a little startled, I didn't know when he had gotten out of the tent, he was empty handed, wasn't even holding his crossbow.

I looked back to the direction I was walking, hoping that would send some silent symbol before looking back at him.

Daryl shook his head, "the hell you thinkin'? One of you kids just got shot and you wanna go out wanderin'?"

I shook my head, embarrassed.

His eyebrows were furrowed, he was starting to get really annoyed. "You do somethin' stupid and I'm the one that gets yelled at y'know that? You can't keep goin' off when you feel like it."

I shook my head again, a little scared to speak.

"Then what the hell you doin'?"

"Goin' pee." I mumbled.

His eyes were narrowed at me, I could tell he didn't hear me at first, but soon enough his eyes widened and his expression relaxed into realisation. He nodded and turned away so I did too.

Once I was done I went back to the tent and stood there awkwardly, Daryl wasn't standing there anymore. A moment later he came out of the tent, this time with his crossbow over his shoulder. He zipped the tent up and stood, looking at me.

"Rick's kid was lookin' for you earlier, told him you were sleepin'." he said.

I decided to try and find Carl, I was in a better mood then the day before. I was even better knowing I had actual slept through the night, I loved not feeling tired.

Glenn was the first I got closest to as I neared the others, and it surprised me how fast he noticed me. He was still struggling with the same pole.

"Oh, wait, wait." He said stopping me. "Come here, can you give me hand, just for a sec?"

I hesitated but nodded. His eyes seemed to brighten up and he smiled, "great, come here. Hold this."

* * *

It didn't take us very long, maybe ten minutes to get the tent up. Once it seemed to be up and staying up, Glenn inspected it a little, pulling on the sides slightly. I saw Maggie long before he did, and from the determined look on her face and the way her gaze stayed where we were, I knew she was on her way to us. She was wearing a dark brown cowboy hat, it reminded me of Carl's hat, but his didn't have that dip and curve like hers did.

Maggie approached behind Glenn, I opened my mouth slightly to warn him, but I wasn't really sure what to say. After hesitation I finally spoke up once she was a few feet away, "mister Glenn?"

"Huh?" he glanced at me and I pointed at Maggie, he turned around. Once he turned to look at her I stepped closer to him, a little curious. I wasn't exactly beside him but I was close.

"I hear you're fast on your feet and know how to get in and out." Maggie said when she stopped in front of him. "Got a pharmacy run, you in?"

Glenn looked lost for a moment, then began to sputter out his answer, "oh, uh, sure, I-I mean, yeah. Yeah. I-I'm Glenn."

"I know, Rick told me. I'm Maggie." Maggie's eyes shifted to me, she tilted her head to the side, as if trying to get a bigger view as she smiled, "what's your name?"

Glenn turned to look at me, as if briefly forgetting my presence. "This is-"

"-I'm sorry, was I talking to you?"

My jaw practically dropped. The smile she was giving me had gone in an instant when Glenn spoke, turning to a firm expression as she looked at him and crossed her arms.

Glenn looked startled, "uh . . ." Dismissing him she turned back to me.

"Sorry about that. What's your name?"

I was pretty sure everybody knew my name by now anyway, so I didn't see any harm in telling her. Plus it was refreshing to have someone to acknowledge me in a way that didn't make me feel like a burden for a change, even though I knew I was. She seemed genuinely interested, the way she was looking at me and patiently waiting for an answer.

"I'm Toby," my voice came out quiet, making me sound unsure when I meant it to sound much more confident.

"That's an interesting name," she answered with a toothy smile, "listen, you need anything you can ask me or my daddy. Alright?" I nodded and she glanced at Glenn, seeing his expression she turned her attention to him.

"What? You don't think she's capable of speaking for herself?"

"No, no, it's-it's just she . . . doesn't always talk I mean."

"If she doesn't feel comfortable and doesn't talk then she doesn't talk. Although, I don't think that's really shocking, seeing as how you feel the need to speak for her instead of giving her the space to do it herself."

 _Oh, I really like her._

Glenn's mouth was open, as if trying to formulate a response. I felt a little bad but couldn't help the corner of my mouth slightly lifting.

"Excuse me, miss?" Dale came over, interrupting whatever Glenn was trying to say. "What's the water situation here?"

"We've got five wells on our land." Maggie explained, her expression turning neutral again. "House draws directly from number one, number two is over there but it's just as pure as one."

Dale nodded and thanked her before walking away. Maggie's expression went firm again, possibly condescending as she looked at Glenn.

"I'll go rally up the horses and we'll head out." Maggie looked at me again and smiled, "maybe we'll talk some more another time, huh?" I let myself smile as I nodded. She turned away then, me and Glenn both watched her leave.

Glenn turned to me, his eyebrows knitted together, "horses?"

I just shrugged, suddenly remembering Carl. I remembered I saw Lori walking before I went to Glenn so I went off into that general direction, which was toward the RV.

I saw T-Dog as I walked, and I saw Lori. I contemplated asking her where Carl was but decided not to, I doubted he was far from her. I heard the RV creak slightly and the door opened, I looked at the person coming out and froze.

He was wearing jeans and a dark shirt, his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. He was holding a duffel bag in his hand, and in his other hand I recognized the dark blue cap he usually wore. At first I didn't even recognize him. He paused on the steps of the RV, staring at me with his wide brown eyes. He had shaven his hair.

I knew the face was Shane's, but it seemed so odd and his head looked like it was almost shaped different, his ears stuck out more and with his hair gone his facial features seemed more prominent. His lips were parted and I stood there, wondering if he would say or do anything.

His expression was blank as he stared back. He finally closed his mouth and stepped down from the RV, he looked at the ground and put his cap on his head. His cap shielded his eyes from me and he kept his head down as he walked by me.

I turned watching him go, bewildered, absolutely lost in what was going on. The day before I knew someone I didn't know had died, and he had to get the stuff Sophia needed, so it was possible he just didn't feel like talking. Now his hair was gone and all he did was briefly look at me.

I was used to being invisible, in fact I usually preferred it, I had no idea how to handle any attention from anyone and I never said the right thing. I knew the others forgot about me sometimes, or were even a little too scared or just didn't want to bother talking to me, I always expected it from them, especially from Daryl. I expected to be ignored, and forgotten because I knew no one wanted, or knew what to do with me.

But I never expected it from Shane. Sometimes I hoped for it because the attention he gave me was intimidating, but he never did. He usually made it a point to show he acknowledged me, even if he was just walking by.

Before I even thought it through I was following him. He didn't seem to notice. He walked until he got a little closer to the fences to the large field, a bit further from where all the others were setting up camp.

Shane dropped his bag and got to his knees to open it, he went through the bag, pulling things out, one of the things he pulled out a tarp. He planned to make his camp there.

He still didn't know I was there and I wasn't sure what to say. I waited and watched as he laid things out and got stuff ready.

"I can help," I said.

Shane turned, almost jolting toward me. He relaxed once he saw it was me and turned away to his bag.

"No." He said simply.

"I helped Glenn," I said, confused.

I heard him sigh and he didn't move for a few moments. I thought he'd say yes or pretend to be enthusiastic about it, which was what he always did. He always acted like he wanted to be involved in what I did, and wanted me to feel involved and do things with him. _Why is he being so weird? I mean, the weird I'm not used to._

Shane stood up and turned to me, he was standing closing and towering over me. He made his expression firm, raising his eyebrows. I knew the expression from him all too well, he wanted to make a point.

"Toby," he said. " _Go_."

I didn't move, all I did was blink.

Shane lifted his hand, pointing behind me, "Go. Did you hear me? I don't want you near me. Now _go_!"

I stepped back, jumping a little when he raised his voice. I still found it hard to move or go anywhere, he had never given me a look like that. I didn't understand it. I wondered if I did something wrong. _Think, what did you do to piss him off so much? This is a guy that wouldn't leave you alone. What did you do?_

Shane suddenly sighed, side tracking me from my thoughts. He took his hand back and took off his hat to rub his bald head, a habit he always had with his hair.

His expression calmed and he relaxed his arm at his side.

"It's better for you to go and it's better for you to stay away from me," he said, seeming to have calmed down. "Please."

I stepped back again and looked at the ground. Then I turned around and started walking. I wandered aimlessly for a while, trying to figure out what I did that made him finally have enough of me.

I looked at the house and around again, seeing the huge field that was their yard. There were still no Walkers. Then I remembered the night before, when I asked Daryl about the chances of the house blowing up, he said there would have to be some gas tank, didn't he? He had a word for it, I just couldn't remember.

I walked passed the RV again, wondering where a gas tank would be if they had one. While I was walking I finally saw Carl maybe ten minutes later. He was on the porch, having just walked out of the house. I stopped in my tracks and he noticed me almost immediately. He waved at me and was smiling.

I didn't move or smile back. Carl hurried off the porch and came toward me, he slowed down a bit once he got close and frowned.

"You okay?"

I just stared, realizing he might have noticed something was wrong. I straightened myself a bit and shrugged, attempting to make my face blank again. I tried to forget about my encounter with Shane, while trying to focus on finding a gas tank, it was really all I could think about.

He seemed to throw his thought aside and smiled again, "I thought maybe I could try to teach you to read like I said before. I asked someone living here, she said her name was Beth for paper and pencils. She gave me this box with pens, pencils, pencil crayons and stencils. There's some letter ones and animals, it could help right?"

I fought to keep my expression blank, I wanted to show I was confused but decided against it. I already felt stupid, I didn't want him to think I was even more stupid. I spent a moment trying to figure out what a stencil was as he beckoned me to follow him to the house.

On the walk to the house, I didn't figure out what a stencil was, but I remembered something. "Sophia?" I asked.

Carl's expression changed, going to solemn. His pace slowed as well, "she's sleeping. She didn't wake up yet, mom said she just needs a lot of sleep to get better."

 _Oh, I get it now, I'm his distraction._ I mentally shrugged to myself, deciding I had nothing better to do and needed the distraction myself as I followed him.

* * *

Carl had the things he was talking about set up in the kitchen on the table. At first I was uncomfortable about the open place but no one was there, and I knew everyone was busy outside. I remembered what a stencil was as soon as I saw it, I remembered seeing them at school before. There was a shoe box on the table, inside I saw pencils, pens, pencil crayons, different stencils, and more. I didn't see any crayons, there were a few yellow pencil crayons, but no normal crayons. I felt myself get a little disappointed.

With a pencil Carl had traced out two rows of the alphabet with the stencils he told me. I didn't even know what was on the paper until he told me. He said he put some words together at the bottom of the page, I looked at them but they meant nothing to me

"It's easy stuff," he said. Though I was sure me and Carl had different definitions of what easy meant.

We sat at the table and he jumped right into it, obviously excited for some reason. We sat beside each other and he pointed to each letter in the first row, telling me which was which. I tried to hide my confusion at first, but then gave up, it was exhausting trying to focus on the new information and hiding how I felt. Carl went on, singing the letters as he went on, I knew the alphabet song, sort of. I never really bothered to sing it because I didn't think it mattered.

Carl stopped at the end of the first row at Z, then went back to the beginning and repeated it again. I was confused and didn't understand why he didn't read the second row, but I didn't say anything and let him go on.

He stopped again at Z and I waited for him to read out the second row, but he didn't. He went on explaining that I had to know the letters and so on. He paused after talking, it was either to let me take a turn at it, or just absorb the information, I wasn't sure which. I was already getting a little frustrated, not sure how I would remember all the letters or how long it would take me.

I waited but he just stared at me. So I finally pointed to the second row. "what about these ones?"

"That's the alphabet in capitals."

"What?"

"In capitals, you use capitals when first starting a sentence, and writing your name, or a city name."

The frustration built in my stomach and burned up into my throat, he wasn't answering my question. "So what're they called?"

Carl furrowed his eyebrows, he was confused. "Capitals."

"No," I pushed at him, raising my voice a little. "I mean the letters."

He was quiet for a moment. Looking down at the paper and back at me. It was like he had to think for a few moments before realizing something. He took a deep breath and started to explain again as he pointed at the paper, "they're the same as up here, they just look different. See this is a capital A and that's a lowercase A."

I glared down angrily at the paper, trying to make sense of it. Then I realized some letters in the second row matched a few in the first, they were just bigger, but the others were completely different.

I looked up at Carl, "there's two of each letter?"

"Yeah."

Frustration built up inside me. I pushed the paper away. "That's fuckin' stupid! Why?"

Carl was surprised at my outburst, "I-I don't know . . . that's just how they made it."

"Well _they_ suck," I said, my voice getting low again. I got up out of my chair. I wasn't sure how I got so mad so quickly, but I didn't even want to look at that paper anymore.

I heard Carl push his chair back and he grabbed my arm stopping me. I yanked my arm back angrily, "wait," he said.

"Fuckin' stupid," I said again.

"Wait, don't go. We don't have to do this, we can stop."

I crossed my arms but didn't move anything else, my back was to him so I didn't bother hiding my frustration. My lip quivered and my eyes burned with unshed tears. _Stupid, stupid, stupid. All of it is stupid, you're never going to get it, just a waste of time._

"We could look at comics again. Maybe we can try again some other time . . . if you wanted."

I took in a deep breath, trying to mask my expression before turning to him, my arms still crossed.

HIs eyes looked over my face, searching, "you know . . . comics usually just use capital letters. So we could just do those and worry about the rest after."

"Like . . . skip it?" I asked.

"Yeah. But we don't have to do anything today. That was dumb I guess, I just . . . I thought it was cool if I could help."

I looked down. I wasn't sure what I should say and guilt burned inside me.

"I'll get my comics," he said, suddenly perking up a bit. As if trying to fix what was going on, "we can just look at them. Maybe I could just read them to you again?"

I looked back up at him and his expression was questioning. "Yeah."

"Yeah?"

I nodded, "yeah."

"Cool, okay," he went to the table and put the stencils and pencil back into the shoebox, then he took the paper he wrote on, folded it, and put it in the box as well. He closed the shoebox and started walking out of the kitchen.

"My comics are in the RV," he explained. We left the house, I wondered if we should've left that shoebox on the table but I didn't know where Carl got it. He didn't say anything about it either.

We got outside and went straight to the RV, when we got there he told me to wait while he got them.

I looked around while I waited, people were still moving about. I saw Carol, she was standing beside Lori while she sat. Lori had a basket of laundry and some large tin bucket she seemed to be washing the clothes in. Rick approached Lori, he bent down to where she wa sitting and began talking to her. She was talking back but I was way too far to hear.

I looked over to where Shane was earlier, I didn't see him but his tent was set up.

Carl came out with some comic books a few moments later, not all of them but a few.

"That guy is still in there, he's just sitting there, staring," Carl said, his voice seemed uncertain.

"At what?"

He shrugged, "nothing, I guess. I don't know."

I didn't say anything about Guillermo, I thought about him, but didn't say anything. Me and Carl went over by the porch, we sat against it on the grass, a few feet away from the stairs. I thought we would go on the porch but we didn't, I didn't complain, I liked sitting in the grass.

Carl let me pick the comic and he read it to me, he stopped and answered a few questions I had about the comic or the characters in it. He was happy and I felt content.

I heard the front door open and watched as Hershel came down the front porch steps. He went over to Rick and they talked for no more than a minute. After that, Rick left Hershel and I continued to watch as Rick went the far distance to Shane's tent, he must've called out because Shane came out when he approached. They talked and walked back to everyone else.

The front door opened and the blonde girl came out with that boy I saw on the couch the night before. They went over to Hershel. The boy was wearing a light brown cowboy hat.

I nudged Carl with my elbow to stop his reading when his dad called him over.

"Come on," he said as he got up, leaving the comics behind.

I followed Carl and as we walked over to Rick, everyone started to gather.

Rick put his arm around Carl, pulling him closer as they walked over to Lori. I kept following, Shane went beside Lori and Carol. I stared at him, wondering if he would look at me or fake a smile.

I didn't move when his eyes briefly met mine, but it looked like it was an accident because he looked at the ground and then back up in a new direction.

Hershel was in front of everyone, standing with the blonde and the boy beside him.

"I'm Hershel Greene, for those of you who don't know." Hershel announced, "This is my farm, I wanted to say that you all are welcome to stay here while the girl gets better. We have plenty of food harvested because, well, the markets closed. And there is plenty of room on the land, so you're all welcome to stay for the time being, which I recommend staying here a while. It wouldn't be good for Sophia to be out in the elements again, at least not right away."

I saw a few people nod, and I knew no one had any intention of rushing back out there. It seemed everyone had worked to set up and stay already as long as possible.

Hershel put his hand on the blonde girl's shoulder, "this is Beth, my youngest. I'm sure most of you met my eldest, Maggie. Maggie went out to the pharmacy with one of your men. Patricia is upstairs resting at the moment, I'm sure most of you are familiar with her also. She was married to Otis, who volunteered and help bring the supplies back to help young Sophia. We'll be holding a memorial service for him this afternoon in the front yard, anyone is welcome.

Another thing, which I already discussed with Rick. I ask you not carry guns on my property. We've managed so far without turning this into an armed camp. I agreed to make an exception for Rick and Shane, being officers of the law. But I ask that you don't bring out more weapons."

Hershel stopped then, giving a nod, "that's all I wanted to say. Carol, would you come with me? I'd like to check on Sophia."

Carol nodded and went with him.

"Dad," Carl whispered, "can we go now?"

Rick nodded, "stay in sight, don't go off anywhere."

Carl turned to me and started walking, "come on."

We went back to the place we were sitting and he continued reading.

* * *

A couple comic books later, Glenn and Maggie were back. They were both on horses. I watched them for a while, Carl did too. He started talking about horses, how he only rode one once when he was little. Apparently one of his friends at school had a farm. He went on for a little bit but I didn't hear most of it, I wasn't listening that much. It was weird seeing Glenn on a horse, and he didn't look too thrilled about it.

They went down the field to the stables, and I lost sight of them once they went inside. I tuned in on Carl just as he was wondering if they would let us ride the horses here. I doubted it, since we usually weren't allowed to do anything the grown ups did, but I didn't say anything.

When Glenn and Maggie got to the house, Hershel went to Maggie, walking her inside. It wasn't long after that Rick came to ask Carl if he would come to the memorial service for that Otis guy. Rick told Carl he didn't have to if he didn't want to, but Carl said he wanted to.

"He helped Sophia," Carl said.

 _He also shot her,_ I added in my head.

Carl asked if I was going to come and I shook my head. Rick said it was out front if I changed my mind. Carl gave me a sad look, almost making me change my mind, but I looked away before I did.

I had never been to any funeral or memorial service before, and I wasn't about too. Well, before the campsite by Atlanta I never went to one. But the only one I knew that died there was Andrea's sister Amy. There were others that died, but I just never knew or talked to them, they were always just kind of in the background. I remembered at that funeral how I really wished I wasn't there, so I wasn't going to bother with this one.

While I was alone I just flipped through the comics, me and Carl had already gone through them all except for one, but I looked at the pictures again. I remembered some of the things Carl read out loud, so I understood the stories more as I looked at the pictures.

I wasn't doing that for very long before I stood up. I was curious and decided to go take a look at the others. I walked around the house and peeked around the corner, I saw the backs of the group so they didn't see me. Most of them were pretty spaced apart from each other so I could see passed. They were all gathered at this large stone pile, I watched as Maggie placed another stone on the top, and went back to where Hershel was standing.

I didn't understand what they were doing, and I realized I didn't want to. I turned away and started walking back the way I'd come. I saw the horse stables and stared at it for what felt like forever, I looked behind me to see if anyone was there, then back to the stables.

I was curious and really wanted to see the horses, I was scared I would get in trouble. After thinking about it I decided I'd go look and wouldn't get too close. I couldn't get in trouble for looking, right?

I noticed once again that my feet were hurting, I wiggled my toes a bit. Hoping to relieve the pain a little.

When I got there I could see there was two entrances to the stables, it was like a hallway, and opening on each end. I stepped into the hallway like entrance. One of the horses, who was in the last stable on the other end, behind a gate shook its head and whined, making me jump a little.

There were three horses, I stayed back from the gates and I walked through, one of them was turned all the way around, not caring I was there. One was calm, eating some grass or hay on the ground in front of them after looking at me. The last horse was moving around a lot, shuffling its feet and shaking its head.

I smiled, they were scary and big, but I really wanted to touch one. I went closer to the one that kept moving so much, I wasn't sure whether it's behavior was a good or bad sign. It's movements slowed as I got closer.

I reached out, wondering if this was a good idea but stopped when something caught my attention. I turned my head and leaned out the other entrance I was at. My eyes widened.

There, in front of a fence was a large, white, tank like object. It was on its side and had four legs to stand it up. There were big black letters on the side of it, obviously I didn't know what they were. I didn't think it mattered.

 _Isn't this what Daryl was talking about?_ I couldn't remember the word he used before describing it as a big gas tank. And that was exactly what it looked like. Daryl said it was fine unless someone shot at it, but that didn't make me feel much better. I rushed back the way I'd come, almost completely forgetting the horses. I just kept imagining the house blowing up. But the tank was pretty far from it . . . maybe there were underground pipes? Maybe the explosion would be big enough to reach, I had no idea. But it was very close to where the horses were. I didn't know how it worked, I barely understood how the last explosion happened, was it even worth the risk?

Just as I was getting back to the house, I saw some of the group coming around from the corner. Their funeral was over. I stopped running and stood there awkwardly, watching as some of them went separate ways. Finally, I saw Daryl, he was one of the last to walk around, walking the slowest and far from the others.

I started running again, he tore his gaze from the ground and looked at me. His eyebrows furrowed, obviously confused why I was running.

I stopped a few feet away from him, out of breathe, "I found . . ." I took a few breathes, realizing he'd probably have me show him anyways, I made a motion with my hand, "come on."

I tried to walk fast, even half jogging, I kept looking at Daryl to see if he was following and he did without a word. His expression seemed confused, maybe somewhat annoyed. But he couldn't have been that annoyed, usually when Daryl was mad he'd let you know.

"I . . . I wasn't even lookin'," I said, still panting, "for it, I mean. I was . . . just, lookin' at the horses."

"Where we goin'?" he finally asked.

I pointed through the stables just as we arrived there. I walked him through it and we reached the other end, once we were out I pointed to the tank.

He stared at it for a moment before looking back at me, "what? You brought me over here for this?"

I nodded, feeling nervous at his tone, "you said the place won't blow up unless there's a gas tank to shoot at. I found it."

He looked back it, and once again he turned to me. His annoyance had only grown in the past few moments, "you bein' funny?"

"No," I scrunched my nose. _Why would he think that?_

"Seriously? Where the hell's your head at?"

I opened my mouth to reply. When I didn't think of anything to say, I closed it, staring at him.

Daryl took long strides toward the tank, he stopped in front of it, turning to face me. He raised his hand, motioning to the big letters on the side, "Jesus, can't you read? It says ' _water_ '."

Daryl banged on the side of the tank, it made a loud sound, echoing on the inside, "and it's empty. Use your damn eyes next time."

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid._ I just stared at the ground. It never occurred to me that the tank could hold something else. I should've at least considered the letters on the tank. But what if I had? I didn't know what they said anyway. Well, I wouldn't know before Daryl told me.

"Let's go." Daryl said angrily, already walking. "There's too much goin' on right now for you to be goin' around doin' stupid shit. Got more important shit to worry about."

I followed him and silently waited to see if he would explain what else we had to worry about. But he didn't. I wondered if he was just talking about Sophia, but she was fine wasn't she? Aside from being asleep. And I wasn't sure how much Daryl really cared, let alone worried about Sophia.

 _What else do we have to be worried about?_ I still hadn't seen a single Walker.

The air between us was tense and I could feel the awkwardness. I wonder if he felt it or was too mad.

 _Great job, you pissed off Shane and Daryl._

We continued walking and I briefly looked up after a while, wanting to see how close we were to the house. Up ahead I could see Hershel, he was walking in our direction but not directly in front of us, possibly going to the stables or somewhere past us. Rick was behind him, and Shane was following. I felt a wave of anxiety when I saw him, almost completely forgetting he shaved his head.

"Hershel," Rick called, Hershel stopped turned to him, "I was wondering if we could have a word."

Rick stopped in front of Hershel and Shane a few feet behind, Daryl had stopped walking too once he got close.

I stepped behind Daryl just a bit, hoping Shane wouldn't see me. Though as soon as I moved Shane looked my way, and I wasn't hiding my entire body. After seeing me he looked back at Hershel, his face holding no expression.

"What can I do for you?"

"With everything that you've already done, I don't even want to ask. But the others are wondering."

"Well?" Hershel pressed, sounding just a bit impatient.

Rick hesitated, glancing at Shane who nodded him on, "where we were before . . . we had to leave some stuff behind accidentally. And we weren't able to retrieve them. We're low on tents, and we appreciate the one you were able to find for us."

"You have a good number of people with you." Hershel pointed out, as if helping Rick.

Rick nodded, "Exactly. We were wondering if we could move into your barn. Most of us are pretty sick of cramming together in the RV and I'm sure everyone would appreciate a real roof and walls over a tent."

"Oh, the barn? You don't want to go in there. _Trust me_." Hershel turned his head, looking off to where the barn was. "That's where we keep all our dead ones."

* * *

 **So here it is after two long months. I'm very sorry for the long wait everyone. Thank you for those who read my last authors note for all the Christmas wishes and hopeful messages. You were all so helpful, thank you for understanding.**

 **It's almost impossible to do work here, always kids running around. Cant even be alone in the bedroom, it's a struggle but it's working out the best it can for now.**

 **I'm sorry for the lack of excitement in this chapter, this was mostly a filler so move the story along. There wasn't much to happen here, but even so I hope it was good for you. I don't think the next chapter should take as long, but with how things are at the moment, no guarantees. My last day of school is on the 26th of January, than I should have more free time while most of the kids that live here will be at school during the day. So less distractions.**

 **I'll be free until I start college in september, I'm so excited to get my diploma and be done.**

 **Thank you so much for the reviews, messages and your patience. I hoped you like this chapter. If anyone has any questions or even ideas/suggestions feel free to PM, or leave it in a review.**

 **Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, I hope you all had wonderful holidays!**


	16. NOT UPDATE, PLEASE READ THOUGH

I meant to post this on the 19th but the time got away from me and I didn't realize the date. I'm sure some of you are disappointed this isn't a chapter but I really wanted to post this.

January the 19th made it a whole year I've been working and posting this story. After the first few chapters, I met Rasha007 and we became amazing friends. She's my best friend, my consultant, and the co-writer for this story. We've plotted so much together and she's been a huge help whenever I get stuck and need help. She's help me come up with dialogue, scenes, and future events. She's written a lot for it too.

She doesn't get enough credit for all that she does for me and this story. My 'thank you's will just never be enough.

And I wanted to thank all of you who take the time to read and review. And for those who left those encouraging messages when I let you know of my situation. I wasn't even sure if I should do that, but I felt I should give more of an explanation about why my update was so late besides "I've been busy"

Three more days left for school. Thursday will be the last day and I will have so much more time. Though finding quiet to work will still be a struggle. The other kids at the shelter are very young and will still be going to school when I'm finished, so I'll have most of the day of quiet time and to use the single computer they have here.

I've started putting together the next chapter and even did the beginning scene, this chapter should be much better then last, more interesting stuff. Rasha007 even put a scene together for it herself and it's awesome, I can't wait to have the next chapter done and posted so you can read it.

I can't believe I've been doing this story for a year, it's mind-blowing. And to be honest, this story wasn't even meant to be a story. I had the idea for the first chapter of this and just meant it to be a one-shot, maybe add a bit more if I got any ideas. Never did I guess I'd get such a positive response, after getting reviews and messages I got excited and kept planning more and I've met such awesome people.

To all those awesome people out there, thank you so much for your constant support, reviews, and messages. You're all so kind and its been an amazing inspiration and motivation.

P.S. Anyone think I should write a new summary for the story? I've been thinking about changing it.  
-Penn


	17. The Dead Next Door

Rick and Shane stared at Hershel. Rick stepped closer, tilting his head as he narrowed his eyes at the older man, "dead ones? What do you mean _dead ones_?!"

"You know, the _Dead Ones_ ," Hershel responded as if it was common knowledge, "all these people up and walking around when they shouldn't be, the ones that are causing all this trouble."

There was a long silence before Shane stepped in. He opened his mouth, taking a deep breath, but still hesitated. This new information didn't seem to be getting into their heads.

"And you're keeping those . . . _things_ in your barn. On your property, right next to where you sleep?" Shane finally got out.

"We're keeping them in the barn until we can figure out a way to help them." Hershel answered in a calm voice. He looked at the two men, then briefly glanced at Daryl, "what have you been doing with them?"

"The hell you think we've been doin' with them? You said yourself they should be dead. Shootin' 'em in the head fixes that," Daryl explained, pointed a finger to his temple in exasperation.

Hershel's jaw dropped, he was horrified. "You've just been killing them?!"

"We're putting them out of their misery and keeping them from killing us! Those things aren't human, they're undead monsters. They're trying to eat us for God's sake!" Shane said loudly.

"You don't know why! You don't even know what's wrong with them. Nobody does, we don't know a damn thing about what happened or what's going on!"

Rick had put his hands on his head at Hershel's response, looking away as if not sure what to do or say. I watched him shake his head a couple times and rub his eyes, thinking.

"I know those things are trying to kill us and that the less of them there are out there the safer we'll be!" Shane argued with Hershel, I could hardly even think with the new information and the arguing.

Rick gave a single nod, "it's not smart to have a mess of them pinned up not thirty feet from your house."

"Not smart? Not smart! It's _insane_!" Shane turned red in the face, pursing his lips as he glared at Hershel, "what in God's name is wrong with you?! Having those _things_ near your kids! Your home!" Shane turned to Rick, and even looked at Daryl. It was easy to tell he was checking for support. "We should go in that barn right now and shoot every Goddamned one of them in the head!"

I looked up at Daryl, his eyes held a hard expression. I knew he was angry, he just hadn't really shown it yet. He nodded quickly at Shane's words, pulling his crossbow off his shoulder and positioning it firmly in his hands, as if preparing.

In the distance, behind the men arguing, I could see some of the group. I saw Carol and Lori peering our way, slowly coming forward.

I couldn't tell if Hershel looked more angry, or more horrified, "No-"

"-It's not safe for them to be here! We need to kill them before they kill us!" Shane shouted.

"My son is in there, damn it!" Hershel yelled. He glared hard at Shane and Rick, who were shocked into silence. After a moment, Hershel took a deep breath and hung his head low.

"Your son?" Rick repeated, as if looking for confirmation or denial.

"Shawn was bitten," Hershel's eyes were closed, he kept his head down. His voice trembled as he spoke. "I-I couldn't help him. After a few hours . . . he died, and turned into one of _them_. I didn't know what else to do, so we put him in the barn. He attacked, tried to kill us, he bit my wife . . . I couldn't kill him . . . I couldn't bring myself to do that. I couldn't kill my wife. She wanted so badly to know what happened to him, why it happened. She kept saying _we can fix this_. I told her I would-they-us . . . it'd be fixed before . . . she . . ."

There was silence, Hershel looked up then, his eyes were red and wet. He looked toward the barn, "when we found others we just . . . just kept them too."

Shane stared at the barn as well, I could tell he was deep in thought but his expression had softened quite a bit.

Rick came forward, placing his hand on Hershel's shoulder. "Hershel, I-I'm really sorry, I truly am. I can't imagine what you've been going through. If I had lost Carl, I don't . . . I don't know what I would have done. I don't think I could live without my son. But you've got to listen to me. That thing in the barn . . . it's not your son, and not your wife."

Hershel smacked Rick's hand away. "Get your hand off of me! Not my son?! What made you such an expert?! I don't know about you but those things don't come with an instruction manual! We don't know a damn thing about them, we don't know what they're thinking, what they're feeling. We don't know if it's a disease or side effects of some kind of chemical warfare! We don't know anything! For all we know these things could wake up tomorrow, heal up, and be completely normal again! We just don't know. You could have been murdering all those people you ' _put out of _their misery_ '._"

Rick stepped closer to Hershel again, this time not touching him. "They're _dead_. before they get back up, before they try to eat you, they die. You said you saw your son die, he's _dead_. Those things are rotting corpses, with _pieces missing_. They're not sick people, they're dead. Before we got here, we tried the CDC, there was this scientist who showed us footage of the brain. We saw with our own eyes. The brain shuts down when the person turns. It was very much dead!"

"It wouldn't be the first time science got something wrong. Listen, these things could be in the early stages of recovery, they could be healing. And that's why things aren't working right. This is all completely unknown to us. We've got no clue how to handle this. I don't want to have blood on my hands if we find out these people are alive."

Shane's soft expression vanished, showing frustration and desperation. "No, they're dead! I've seen those things with their damn guts hanging out! What you're saying doesn't make a damn bit of sense!"

Rick turned on Shane putting his hand on his shoulder to push him back some. "Shane."

"You can't-"

"-Shane." Rick said again, "enough. Stop."

Shane looked away from Hershel, string Rick hard in the face before turning away from both of them.

"How many do you have in there?" Rick asked.

Hershel "fourteen. We had to raid nearby houses for supplies, blankets, kerosine and what not. All our neighbors had turned. Its mostly them and their kids . . . and a couple who had wandered onto the property. They can't get out of the barn. We've got them locked up tight. We're completely safe here. You don't have to worry."

And just like that, Hershel turned away, walking back to his house.

* * *

The front doors to the barn were chained shut, Shane was standing in front of the doors, peeking through the crack between them.

The yelling between Hershel and Shane attracted the attention of most of the group, but not all. Lori, Carl, and Carol had started approaching, wondering what was going on. Rick went to go get the others so they could all discuss the matter while Shane began explaining it to Lori and Carol. Once everyone was together, they all decided they wanted to go see the barn. I didn't really see the point in that, they knew the Walkers were inside, so what would staring at the barn do?

Everyone in the group was there, except for Guillermo and of course Sophia. Lori told Carl to go back to our camp or the house, not wanting him to go to the barn. But as soon as she turned her back and the group started toward it, Carl followed anyway. No one told me anything, so I followed Carl.

"You cannot tell me you are all right with this." Shane said to Rick after walking away from the barn. I missed the beginning of the conversation, but it looked like Rick had been too silent for Shane's liking.

"No, I'm not, but we're guests here," Rick said, his face contorted with anger, hand on his gun holster. "This is not our land."

"This is our lives, man!"

"Lower your voice!" Glenn warned fiercely, shouting in a hushed voice while staring anxiously at the barn.

"We cannot just sweep this under the rug," Lori said. Carl and I were standing a few feet behind her and T-Dog.

"It ain't right," T-Dog agreed," not remotely."

"We either gotta go in there, make things right, or we just gotta go." Shane informed, a hand on his hip, "we've been talking about Fort Benning for a while now-"

Rick shook his head and cut him off, "-we can't go."

"Why, Rick, why?"

"Because my daughter is not well yet," Carol told him, her eyes narrowed.

Lori stepped forward, placing a hand on Carol's shoulder, "Sophia isn't fit to stand let alone travel. Even once she wakes up, the poor girl needs time. She can't be out there again, not so soon. None of us can."

"No, no way." Glenn said, "we're safe here."

"No, in no way is this safe. In no way is this _better_. We were _safe_ the night of the fish fry, look what happened. It only takes one mistake, these things could get out." Shane said.

Anxiety made a knot in my stomach as I thought about the fish fry. I thought about Jim and a felt pang of grief, remembering him and the shovel he saved my life with.

Carl and I were pretty far from the barn, but as I thought back on that night I subconsciously took a step back, recalling the Walkers face that had been _so close_ when I was hiding under the RV. That Walker had been weakened, pinned to the ground with me by the bottom of the RV, that was the only reason I was able to kill it.

 _What would've happened if Rick, Daryl, Glenn, and T-Dog didn't come back in time with those guns?_

Then I recalled that morning at the school when Carl wanted to explore, I wondered what would've happened if Rick hadn't come in with his gun and shot that Walker.

"Then let's make sure they don't!" Glenn said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Shane shook his head, "you're making it sound like that's easy. We don't have the guns ready if a mistake is made. Hershel's rule: _only Rick and I carry our guns._ What happens if we're needed for another problem when this one decides to bite us in the ass?"

I looked off past Shane, seeing Daryl round the corner of the barn, back our way. I had glanced at him every so often, this was the second time he circled the barn. He was studying the walls, and every so often pushing on a wood panel or knocking on one.

"The man's right," T-Dog argued at Glenn, "we can't leave 'em in there. And what happens when more come? Hershel doesn't want us to kill 'em. We can't keep putting more in there, can't add to the danger."

"How many did he say were in there?" Glenn asked, looking away from T-Dog who shook his head at him.

"Yo, man, does it matter? One is more than enough for me."

"Fourteen," Rick answered.

T-Dog made a whistling sound and shook his head again.

"Can't let this go, Rick. You know we can't," Shane said, crossing his arms.

"We're not killing them. Not now, not yet."

"We can't leave the Geeks in there to kill us later," T-Dog disagreed.

Dale, who had been a bit further off to the side, finally decided to go forward. "Hershel sees those things as people, sick people. His wife, his _son_." Dale reminded.

"The man is crazy, Rick," Shane insisted. "If Hershel thinks those things are alive-"

"-Just let me talk to Hershel, let me figure it out."

"Man, what're you gonna figure out?!"

"If we're gonna stay, if we're going to clear this barn I have to talk him into it. This is his land!"

"And if you can't do that, then what?"

"Then we get the hell outta here!" T-Dog stressed.

"No!" Rick practically barked.

There was silence after that, most of them were staring at Rick or the barn. I saw movement beside me and saw Carl walking away. He wasn't going toward the house or the barn but rather out into the field.

I followed him, and once he noticed me walking behind him, he slowed his pace so we walked side by side.

"Are we going to leave?"

I shrugged again as we walked, "don't ask me."

"I hope we stay."

"Why?" I looked at him, watching his expression.

"I like it here," He admitted. "Sophia will too. This place, it could be a home."

"Why do you like it so much? Haven't been here long."

"The Walkers, we haven't seen any since we got here."

I opened my mouth, lifting my hand to point to the barn but Carl continued talking.

"We haven't _seen_ them. They can't get us, my dad will fix it. Don't you want to stay?" He asked, stopping in his tracks.

I stopped with him, I hesitated before speaking. "Doesn't matter what I want."

"Yes it does."

"No," I said, not really wanting to argue. "We're kids, what we want doesn't mean shit."

Carl looked away from me, silent for a few moments before starting to walk again.

"Is Glenn a kid?"

After wondering why he was asking me such a thing I glanced behind us at the group. Glenn was talking to Rick. I wasn't sure how to answer Carl. Glenn didn't look like a kid, but he didn't look like an adult either.

"I guess?" I answered, still not sure. "I think he's in the middle. But they listen to him and tell him stuff."

" _Carl!_ " We heard Lori yell, snapping our heads in her direction. She beckoned us over with a hand motion and we saw the group beginning to walk back to the house.

We both started to walk back. But after a few steps Carl veered off in another direction, then stopped a few feet away. I narrowed my eyes at him, confused by his strange behaviour.

I went over to where he stood to see him staring at the ground. I followed his eyes, on the ground was the corpse of a small bird. It hadn't been dead long, but long enough for some ants and flies to find it.

"Should we tell someone?" He asked.

I shook my head, "nothin' to do with it. Leave it be. Somethin'll come and get it eventually."

"Like what?"

"I dunno, another bird? Everythin's food for somethin' else."

I started walking when Lori called out again, Carl followed silently. Lori was standing, waiting for us. When we reached her, Carl spoke. "What's going on, mom?"

"It's alright, baby." She answered, stroking his head. "We're going to talk to Hershel."

I wondered who she meant by _w_ _e_.

* * *

I wasn't sure how Carl talked me into it, I was starting to get really frustrated and angry with him, with myself for agreeing to do it.

"You're doing it again," he told me.

"No, I'm not." I said through clenched teeth. _Snap!_

A frustrated growling sound escaped my throat and I slammed the pencil down on the small end table. Carl took the pencil from the table and the sharpener. I crossed my arms, watching as he sharpened the pencil once again.

"I told you I couldn't do this."

"You just have to keep trying, it's easy."

"It's _stupid_."

"Just because something makes you mad doesn't mean it's stupid."

I looked down at the paper. To me it was a bunch of meaningless scribbles, to Carl they were letters and failed attempts to write my name.

Carl and I were sitting on the floor of the porch across from each other at a small table. The table was between two of the porch chairs before Carl moved it for us. Carl had gotten that shoebox again from the girl named Beth, who I still hadn't really met. Not that I really wanted too, I had met more people in the previous several weeks then I had in my entire life. I was pretty sure I'd met enough people.

Our attention was diverted by Rick leaving Hershel's house. He went in a while before to go talk to Hershel. Rick walked off the porch, not even noticing our presence. Shane approached him near the porch steps almost immediately, he must've been waiting close by but I hadn't noticed.

"Well, what did he say?"

"We're negotiating," Rick answered, stopping in front of him.

"You're nego . . ." Shane stopped mid-word, scoffing. "Clocks ticking, Rick."

"No it isn't, Shane. That barn, the barn is secure, we didn't even know about it until this morning."

"Well, we know about it now, right? We know there's over a dozen Walkers in there. We know that it's a stone's throw from where we sleep. So, look, if we're not gonna go in there and clear it out then we just gotta go."

"We're not gonna clear it out and we're not gonna go."

"We at least need more guns, there's only two of us, that's not-"

"-We can't! We can't have everyone carrying, that's the rule."

"Why do you want us to stay here when it's not safe?"

"We can make it safe."

"How we gonna do that?"

"We will, okay?"

"How we gonna make it safe?"

"We will, ok-"

"-No, man, it's not okay!"

Rick put a hand to his face, rubbing his eyes. As if he could somehow rub the frustration out. It seemed like almost a silly gesture to me. Rick turned away from Shane, taking a deep breath before looking at him again.

"We can't leave, not with Sophia in this condition."

"Then we don't take her with us," Shane responded.

Carl straightened up, I thought for a moment he would stand and say something, but he just kept watching silently.

Rick gave Shane a look of shock, maybe even disgust, "are you saying-"

Shane suddenly shook his head, raising his hands in a defensive manner, "-no, no. I didn't . . . I meant we go, maybe just a few of us to Fort Benning, see what's there. If it's safe, if there's something there we come back for Sophia and whoever else. Then at least, we _know_."

"No, absolutely not. We stay together. We can't lose the man power if something happens here."

"Then we need more guns!" Shane argued.

"No, I can work this out."

Shane stared at Rick for several moments, "there something you're not telling me?"

"I need you to trust me, please. At least for now, it's best we stay."

"What's going on that we can't go and find a safer place? They could have a refugee camp."

"Shane. Not here, I can't talk about it now. But we need to stay, at least until Sophia is better. So I have time to figure this out."

"Figure what out?"

Rick didn't respond.

Shane sighed, "fine. We stay, we need the guns."

"No-"

"-Rick, please. Just think about this for a minute. Hear me, will you? The two of us carrying is not enough, especially if we're gonna leave those things in the barn, someone needs to be on guard. I know you agree with me on that. You want to guard it all day, and while you sleep I do it all night? No. That's way too much, then if we're paying attention to the barn and nothing else, all hell could break lose too far for us to see it. We aren't going to clear the barn out, fine, but we need more precautions. We didn't take them the night of the fish fry and look what happened. We didn't have the guns, now we do. We have to use them."

"How could I convince, Hershel?" Rick asked after thinking about it, seeming to agree. "We're trained professionals, none of them are."

"I'm thinking."

"What if we show him? T-Dog, Glenn and Dale: they have experience, we could set up targets, show him-"

"-Not gonna work. Glenn only holds a gun when he needs to, he barely has any experience and no practice. T-Dog and Dale may be a bit better but I can't tell you with all confidence they'll hit the target ten outta ten times. And for Hershel to only let us carry, that's what he's gonna be looking for."

Rick's eyebrows were furrowed, obviously thinking hard. "They need to be trained," he finally said, "you're a certified trainer."

Shane's eyes were a bit wide, he gave a nod, going deep into thought as well, "we have the ammo, that's for sure. You think he'll go with it?"

"I don't see why not, it's a reasonable approach."

Shane nodded, "let's go then."

Rick followed Shane up the porch and into the house. I looked at Carl, who only shrugged. He crawled around the table to sit closer to me.

" _Watch_ ," he said, taking the pencil. "This is how you do the B."

I ground my teeth to hold in a groan of annoyance as he used the pencil, slowly writing the letter, making sure it was large.

He gave me the pencil when he was done and I sighed. But once again, our attention was diverted to the door, this time Lori was coming out.

I narrowed my eyes at her appearance, confused. But I quickly made my expression blank, hoping she hadn't noticed. What confused me was that Lori had changed her clothes, not only that, but her hair was wet and there was a white towel around her shoulders.

"What're you two doing?"

"Nothin'," Carl answered, flipping the paper over to the blank side and taking the pencil from me. He had done it slowly, acting as if it was no big deal. "Just drawing and stuff."

I glanced at him, even more confused, but I kept my expression blank.

 _Why is he lying?_

Lori smiled. "Come take a break. You won't be gone long, then you can come back."

"Why? Where are we going?"

"Just you for now. Toby later. Oh, hold on, gonna grab you some clothes from the RV." Lori turned and walked off the porch.

I stared at Carl, I was curious what Lori was going on about, but it wasn't the first question I had.

"Why did you lie?"

"Huh?" Carl was confused for a second, "oh, I didn't tell her I was teaching you."

"You didn't tell her that I can't read?" I asked, surprised.

"It's a secret, right?"

I thought about it, "I dunno, I just never had a reason to say otherwise. No one's really asked me either. I didn't think it mattered."

"Why didn't your dad help you? Didn't he know?"

I shrugged, "not sure."

"Why not?"

"He never asked."

Lori came back before Carl could say anything else, a small pile of clothes in her hand.

"Come on, baby."

Carl stood up, going over to Lori as she opened the door to go inside.

"Carol says she has some clothes for you," she told me, "Carl will be back soon. Go see her."

Then they went into the house. I sat there and thought about what to do. _Do I really want to put energy into talking?_

Carl didn't count anymore, he was much easier to talk to now that I was used to him. And he understood when I really didn't want to answer something and knew when to leave things alone. So the real question was: _did I really want to put energy into talking to Carol?_

I sighed and stood up, deciding I had nothing else better to do, and that I really needed the clothes. The blood on Sophia's sweater was starting to smell from the Walker I killed in the RV. Her pants, that Daryl ripped when I got cut felt awkward and probably looked ridiculous. The cut on my leg didn't hurt anymore, I was glad about that.

Just as I stood up to leave where I was I noticed I was barefoot. I forgot I took my shoes off, my socks were rolled up in my shoes. I was dreading putting them back on again, my feet were still hurting and I didn't know why. I sat down and put my socks and shoes back on, I considered just going barefoot but figured someone would just bother me to put them back on.

Once they were on I left the porch and walked over to the camp. Carol was taking down clothes that were hanging from a clothes line they hung up.

"Hey, Dale," I heard Glenn call, walking over to Dale with a book in his hand. "Wanted to return this to you. It sucked. Sorry."

Dale shook his head, taking the book, "no, I'm sorry. If I'd known the world was ending I would've brought better books."

Dale's eyes found mine in that moment and he motioned at me, "Toby hasn't complained, she's been through all I have. Though it's not much."

"Really?" Glenn turned, raising his eyebrows at me.

I felt my cheeks flush and I looked away, shrugging. For the most part, yes, I had been through all the books Dale had in his possession. I had looked through them all, but hadn't actually read them, thinking if I looking and tried hard or long enough, I could figure out how to read on my own.

"Dale, could we talk for a sec?" Glenn asked with an anxious tone. Dale stared at him for a moment before nodding and opening the door to the RV.

"Come on in," he said as Glenn stepped inside. Dale followed him in, closing the door behind him.  
I turned to where Carol was and approached her. She noticed me quickly and smiled.

"I have your clothes here for you, from the CDC. I was planning on washing them sooner . . . but . . . well, once I started here I did yours first."

"Oh," I said, watching her as she turned to a basket on the ground filled with folded clothes. She lifted a few up to get mine from the bottom of the pile and gave them to me. It was my jeans and long sleeved black shirt.

"Thanks . . ." I said awkwardly, feeling grateful but a bit guilty. I didn't know what to say.

"Once you get your turn to shower we'll just toss away what you have on now, no use keeping those."

"Shower?"

She nodded, "their plumbing is connected to a well and they have a generator. So, the water heater is working. Everyone can have a nice hot shower, I had mine this morning. They're telling us one at a time so everyone has a turn with the hot water and we're not lining up or fighting over it."

I nodded, looking down at my feet. _That was why Lori's hair was wet, must be why she took Carl._

"Sophia will enjoy that once she wakes up," Carol added. "Your turn should be soon. We'll get you out of those clothes, when you're clean and changed just bring them to me, I'll get rid of them. There's just no use washing it."

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, feeling bad I'd ruined Sophia's clothes.

"Oh, no, don't worry about it. We've all been through a lot these past few days, Sophia has plenty of clothes."

 _Lucky her_

"You just worry about getting washed up. We'll all be having dinner tonight, we're making dinner for Hershel and his family, to say thank you."

I furrowed my eyebrows, "inside?"

She nodded, turning back to the clothes line and taking down clothes.

I looked at the house, trying to imagine us all in there eating, it would be weird to eat inside an actual house after so long. We did eat in the CDC but that was still plenty awkward and uncomfortable.

I wriggled my toes in my shoes, I was so sick of the throbbing. I turned and started to go to Daryl's tent. When I got there I sat in the grass beside the tent and put my clothes down. Then I all but ripped my shoes and socks off once again.

 _What's going on with me? I've had them on for less than ten minutes._

My toes were red, I squeezed them with my fingers and released, hoping to massage them a bit.

Looking up and around I saw someone leaning against the RV, opposite to everyone in the camp so no one saw him. Surprisingly enough, Guillermo had finally left the RV.

He wore a troubled expression as he stared at the ground. After watching him for a few moments I stood up, feeling the grass beneath my barefeet was a relaxing sensation. Hesitantly, I walked over to him.

I stopped a few feet in front of him. I wasn't sure if he noticed me because he didn't look up right away, but once he did he didn't look surprised to see me. We stared at each other for several moments, he scanned me up and down with his eyes, looking utterly confused.

"Where are we?" He finally asked.

I furrowed my eyebrows, _is he kidding?_ "Here?" I answered, "a farm."

"Do you live here?"

I shook my head, "we're just stayin' here."

"Me and you? And these other people? They're with Rick?"

I nodded, "we sat together on the way here, in the RV."

"We did?"

I nodded again, I couldn't tell who was more confused, me or him.

"I don't remember leaving," he admitted, "I remember every scream, every shot, the crying . . . the blood . . . but I don't remember _leaving_."

He was still looking me in the eyes, his looked watery and tired. I was getting a bit nervous.

"Must've been scary," I said.

"Still scary now," he told me. "When did I leave? How long has it been?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat, "maybe you should talk to a grown up?" I suggested, _because you're freaking me out._

"Who?"

I shrugged, "whoever you want. Not Daryl though, I don't think he likes you," I said, remembering how Daryl yelled at him after I killed that Walker in the RV.

He thought about it before nodding, "good to know."

Guillermo turned around started to walk passed me, he was just turned the corner of the RV when I heard Rick calling out. I followed Guillermo and walked out from behind the RV. Rick and Shane were on the porch trying to get the groups attention.

"We've come to an agreement with Hershel," Rick announced once everyone was gathered and listening. The only one who wasn't there was Carl, but Lori was near the porch.

"We taking those fuckers out or what?" T-Dog called out.

"The Walkers stay," Shane said, not looking happy about it, "for now."

"We came to an agreement with Hershel about our _gun use_. Shane is a certified trainer. For those who want to we'll be holding training sessions. Whoever completes training will be allowed to carry."

Shane stepped forward, his hand on his hips, "I'll be going back to the traffic jam with whoever else wants to go to gather fuel, vehicles, and anything else we can find. We get the vehicles, I'll be going out to find us an area to train. We don't want the noise attracting more Walkers or aggravating the ones in the barn. I'll need some hands, who's up for it?"

"I'm in," T-Dog volunteered.

Glenn nodded, he was closer to the porch, "yeah, okay."

"Walkers?" Guillermo asked, looking more confused than ever.

I wasn't sure what he was asking with the one word question. _Is he asking about the Walkers here or what Walker is?_ I really couldn't tell.

Guillermo didn't press when I didn't answer. Shane walked off the porch and got together with Glenn and T-Dog. The front door opened, Maggie walked out of the house and started talking to Rick. I watched them as they conversed, then Rick looked around, as if searching, his eyes stopped at me and he pointed.

I pressed my lips together, startled that my presence was acknowledged. Maggie smiled when she saw me then followed Rick down the porch steps. Anxiety made a knot in my stomach, not liking the attention that was on me.

As they approached, Rick's expression grew serious, "Guillermo, how are you doing?"

Guillermo didn't answer right away, in fact he replied, but never answered, "you think me and you could talk?"

"Of course." Rick turned to me, "Toby, have you met Maggie yet?"

I nodded.

"Would you be okay with her for a bit?"

I narrowed my eyes, not sure what he was asking.

"I'm just gonna show you where the shower is," Maggie said quickly, maybe noticing my confusion. "Do you have . . . Where are your shoes?"

I glanced down at my feet, then pointed over to Daryl's tent.

"Do you want to go get them?"

"Not really," I answered.

"Well," Rick said, looking away from me, "Guillermo, you want to go have that talk?"

Guillermo nodded and both the men walked off.

"Okay. Do you have some clean clothes to change into?"

I nodded my head and turned to walk back to Daryl's tent. I once again wondered where he was while I picked up my clothes from the ground, leaving my shoes behind. I followed Maggie to the house and she showed me where the shower was.

* * *

I was sitting in the tub, my knees to my chest and my head on my knees. The water from the shower faucet pouring down all sides of my head and through my hair.

As soon as the water was on and Maggie was gone, I started to sob uncontrollably. It was the first time I was able to be alone without having to worry about anyone else, or getting in trouble, or being talked too. I felt so tired but I didn't want to sleep. I was hungry but had no idea who to ask, I hadn't seen anybody eating. Only Carol mentioned dinner so I decided to just wait until then. I really didn't want to ask.

I wanted to be home, where I could do what I wanted or needed without having to be around people or ask for things. I tried to stop myself from crying, embarrassed and ashamed of myself, but I couldn't. When I tried it felt like the sobs would tear my throat open, trying to let out silent screams that desperately wanted to escape. I wish I could've screamed, I wanted to so bad. I was angry, sad, hurt, hungry, and tired.

I was confused with how I felt about Daddy. I wanted him back so we could go home, but every time I thought about it a sick feeling made my stomach churn. _Did that mean I didn't want to go home?_

There was a knock at the door and my head shot up, I held my breathe, trying to be quiet so no one would know I'd been crying.

"Toby," Maggie called, "you okay? You've been in there awhile."

"Y-Yeah!" I called out. Maggie didn't say anything else after that. I stood up, trying to calm myself down as I reached for the shampoo. I paused for a moment, wondering if I was even allowed to use it. Then I decided no one would notice if I just used a little.

I tried to finish quickly, wanting to get out and avoid more questions, I didn't mean to take as long as I did.

I turned the water off and got out when I was done. Before reaching for the towel hanging up, my eyes caught the mirror. My face was flushed and my eyes bloodshot, whether it was from the heat of the water or crying I didn't know. Maybe it was both.

The mirror was always something I constantly avoided, I couldn't even remember the last time I looked in one. I stared at myself, my eyes went down to my bare chest and I brought my hand up, running my fingers along three cigarette burns that had left their mark under my collarbone. Those ones in particular were older, whitish in colour and fading.

I turned in the mirror, examining a scar that curved over my shoulder from my back. I kept turning, exposing more of my back to the mirror. My lip quivered just as the scars caught my eye, I clenched my teeth and grabbed the towel to dry off.

As I dried off I couldn't stop thinking about what Daddy would've done if he'd been around. I couldn't even count how many times he would've given me the belt with all the things I'd done with the group. I stole a gun, told a cop to fuck off, went off by myself, and probably mentioned lots of the things he never wanted me to repeat.

When I was dry enough I put my pants on. I hadn't worn them in a few days and the first thing I noticed was they weren't as big. First being at the Quarry, the jeans fit fine, a few weeks later I could no longer tuck my knife into my waistband, showing either the waistband stretched or I lost weight. Now they seemed to be back the way they were.

I put my long sleeved black shirt on next, the fabric clung to me much more then I remembered. I pulled on the hem and the sleeves repeatedly, wondering why it was suddenly so uncomfortable. After a moment I disregarded it and wiped the water off the floor from the towel and hung it back up, not entirely sure what to do with it.

I picked up the clothes I borrowed from Sophia off the floor with one hand and left the bathroom. I looked around, not seeing anybody I made my way down the hall. As I turned a corner I bumped into Maggie.

"Bet you feel much better after that, huh?" She smiled.

"I, uh . . . I hung the towel back up . . ." I told her, still tugging on my shirt with my free hand.

"That's fine." She looked down at my hands, "something wrong with your shirt?"

I paused my actions, looking down and shrugging.

"Too hot?"

I shook my head, "tight, I guess."

She paused a moment, "do this."

I raised my head to look at her as she rose her arms over her head.

I narrowed my eyes and she nodded her head, motioning for me to do it too. Hesitantly, I raised my arms straight up, and as I did, I felt the hem of my shirt rise up my stomach.

Maggie put her arms down, "I think that may be a bit small for you. You have something else to change into?"

I just stared, not sure how to answer. I had that pink shirt Merle gave me, but it was dirty and the sleeved stained with blood from skinning and gutting squirrels. I didn't have anything, I felt embarrassed and didn't want to admit it. It seemed like I was the only one who didn't have clothes.

Maggie furrowed her eyebrows at my lack of response. "Maybe we have something for you,. Would you like me to see?"

I hesitated, then nodded.

"Come on," she led me down the hall to a closed door. She knocked on the door, "Beth?!"

When no one answered she opened the door and walked into a bedroom, "she's probably off somewhere with Jimmy."

Maggie walked over to a tall dresser and started going through different drawers. "She won't be your size of course, be a bit big, but better than that I'm sure. I'll probably have to make another run into town, there's a pharmacy I usually go to, I think they have some clothes there. If not there are other stores, I'll take a look around for you."

"Really?" I asked.

"'Course, can't go around with one set of clothes, and I can't give you any of her pants, definitely won't do you any good. You're such a tiny thing."

"I can't take her clothes." I said as Maggie held some fabric up, showing a red t-shirt.

"Sure you can."

"But she didn't say-"

"- _I_ said. I'm the big sister, know what that means?" she said with a crooked smile. "What I say goes. Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

I shook my head as she put the red t-shirt on the bed, I bit my lip. Not liking the idea of no sleeves.

"I'll give you this one too, so you have a second," she showed be a light blue button up with long sleeves. "Can keep this for another time. You can go ahead and change in here."

Maggie left me alone and shut the door behind her. I put down Sophia's clothes and took off my black shirt to put on the red one. It was a thin fabric and really comfortable, I liked it a lot. It was weird having my arms bare. I took the button up and put it on over the T-shirt, leaving it unbuttoned. That way I had sleeves at least. They were too big for me, but I didn't mind it.

I picked up my shirt, Sophia's clothes and left the room.

"Oh," Maggie looked surprised. "You put on both. Looks really nice. I'm gonna try and see if I can make that run into town tomorrow, I think dad needs some things so I can look for you too."

"Thank you," I said as we walked.

"Let me know if you need anything else," she said as we stepped on the porch.

I stopped right away, seeing Daryl's eyes on me. He was a few feet away from the porch. He walked up to me, "was wondering where you went off too."

I glanced at Maggie, "Maggie gave me clothes."

"I'm going to be keeping an eye on the barn 'til the others get back. Wanted to make sure you weren't off doing something stupid."

"I'm not." I said, "I won't."

He nodded, "good."

I wondered who he meant by _the others_ , then I remembered that Shane, T-Dog and Glenn were going back to the highway.

Daryl was about to turn away and I started walking down the steps. He did a double take, stopping in his tracks, "where are your shoes?"

I pointed to his tent, "there."

"Put 'em on, before someone gives you shit," he said, then turned and walked away.

I paused, turning to Maggie, "thank you."

"Your welcome, it's no problem. Don't you worry about the shirts, Beth won't mind."

I nodded, feeling awkward and not sure what else to say, "bye . . ."

She gave a little wave, "bye."

Maggie turned to go back into the house and I started toward the tent. I put my shoes back on, reluctantly, but left my socks behind. I thought maybe not wearing the socks would help.

I went inside the tent to put my black shirt in my bag, not sure what else to do with it. When that was done I left the tent to find Carol so I could give her Sophia's clothes back.

* * *

Feeding chickens was something I never did before. I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would. I liked feeding the chicks especially, I tried and failed to pet them a few times. I tried luring them closer with food which did work, but they would back away every time I reached my hand out.

I was crouched on the ground and Carl was standing over me, glancing at the babies every so often while tossing food at the other chickens. Lori was sitting nearby, reading a book I didn't recognize so I didn't think it was one of Dale's. I guessed she either got it from the CDC it from someone living in the house.

"They don't have a mother," Carl said.

I glanced up at him, he wore a neutral expression. I looked back to the babies and then around, searching. None of the big chickens seemed to take notice of the babies, or go very close.

Lori looked up from her book, it took her a moment to realize what Carl was talking about. But after seeing him looking at the babies she told him before looking back at her book, "she might be somewhere else."

"Maybe she got eaten," Carl thought out loud. Causing Lori to look up, clearly surprised.

Carl merely shrugged at her expression, "everything's food for something else."

I watched Lori's expression, she definitely didn't look too happy with what Carl was saying. I wasn't sure why but I kept quiet anyway, not wanting to give her any indication I was the one who told him that.

Carl either didn't acknowledge her expression, or simply ignored it. He crouched down to the bucket on the ground to grab a handful of chicken feed. He stood up, then tossed little bits at a time. Lori was watching him closely.

"When does gun training start?" he asked.

Lori hesitated, "maybe tomorrow. That depends on Shane and your father. They need to find a place to do it."

"You've had training before, right?" he turned to me, "that how you knew how to use Shane's gun?"

I felt heat rise to my cheeks, embarrassed as I recalled the memory. "Daddy taught me some."

"ARe you still going to do the training?"

I opened my mouth to answer but Lori spoke before I could, "No, you kids won't be participating."

"Carl's eyes went wide at Lori's statement, "what? Why not?"

"Because it has nothing to do with you."

"But that's-"

"-Carl, I said no."

Carl glared at Lori, they stared each other down for several moments. When Carl finally broke his glare, it was to storm away.

I glanced at Lori, she was watching him as he walked off, for a moment I thought she might go after him. Instead, she sighed, shook her head and went back to her book.

I stayed there for a while, watching some of the chickens. The silence was nice. Every once and awhile I would look over my shoulder, but there was never a Walker.

"Lori," Carol called out as she approached the chicken coop, getting Lori's attention, "it's getting late, should we get started on dinner?"

Lori closed her book and stood up, "oh, you're right. I almost forgot."

I watched as Lori left with Carol, they talked on their way to the house but I didn't pay attention to what they were saying.

My stomach cramped up and I tried to ignore it, I was hungry, and beginning to shake from not eating. _Just_ _wait a little longer_ , I urged. I looked down at the chicks, trying to distract myself. I noticed one of them was very close with it's back turned to me.

All of my earlier attempts to catch one of them had failed. But this time, I reached forward slowly, the chick wasn't paying any attention to me. I was able to scoop the chick up with both my hands. I held it tight, but not tight enough to hurt it. For a moment, the chick squirmed and chirped loudly, but quickly seemed to calm down.

Excitement bubbled inside me, I couldn't believe the satisfaction that came from holding something so small, soft, and warm. I turned my head, almost looking for someone to show, but no one was around. I stroked the chick's head with my thumb gently, it closed it's eyes, seeming as if it was relaxing.

I wasn't sure how long I was there for but I knew it was a pretty long time. Carl came back long after Lori left.

"Where's my mom?" He asked, not coming very close.

"With Carol," I answered, not looking away from the chick.

"But where?"

I shrugged, "said they were makin' dinner. Inside maybe?"

He was silent for a few moments, "could you teach me how to shoot?"

"Your mom said we aren't doin' the trainin'."

"That's if my dad and Shane teach. Could you teach me?"

Distracted and confused by Carl, my grip on the chick loosened. It took that moment to squirm and jump out of my hand. It seemed content a moment before, I guessed it left because I stopped petting it's head.

"We can't."

"But you know how to use a gun, right? You said your dad taught you. So you could teach me."

"Lori said the trainin' had nothin' to do with us, so we can't."

"But that's different, that's training with everyone else."

"Not really," I said, standing up. "She said no, so we couldn't even get guns to do it anyway."

I stared at Carl, trying to figure out why we were having this conversation. _He can't think they would let us train on our own. He isn't that stupid, right?_

Carl just stood there, not saying word as he stared at me. His hands were at his sides, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

 _Why's he acting so weird?_  
"What?" I asked him, stepping closer to him.

Carl pressed his lips together before licking them nervously. He swallowed, then looked down. He lifted his hand, bringing his shirt up with it showing small pistol tucked into his waistband.

My jaw dropped while my eyes widened, staring at the gun, "where'd you get that?"  
"The RV," he said, pulling his shirt down.

"Why?" I asked, completely in shock.

"I want to learn to shoot."

"So you stole a gun?!" I shouted, anxiety and frustration bubbling inside me.

He brought a finger to his lips, and stepped closer, "shh!"

"Carl, what the hell!"

"I want to help protect everyone. I need to, especially if those Walkers get out or more come. Like they came on the highway, like they came for us at the quarry. You can teach me."

"No I can't!"

"You said your dad taught you how to use-"

"-I said he taught me, I never said I was good at it!"

Carl looked confused.

I put a hand on my head and pulled at my hair in frustration. Fear was bubbling in my stomach and rising to my chest, making it feel tight. I tried to take a deep breath, instead my breathing went shaky, as did my hands.

I kept pulling at my hair slightly, trying to think of what to do. I really wanted to turn around and pretend I didn't know what he did. I almost did do that. I realized if he got caught and they figured out I knew and didn't say anything, I could be in even worse trouble. I was involved whether I liked it or not.

"You have to put it back," I said frantically, "we have to put it back before they notice."

"There's lots of guns in there. They won't notice."

"Your dad's a cop, Carl. He knows how to keep track of guns."

I clenched my teeth, my hands began to shake worse as I imagined the beating I'd get from Daddy if I was caught doing what Carl was doing. Then I imagined the beating he was going to get when he got caught.

 _We have to put it back now. Before they find out._

"Some of them are gone to get cars. Carol and Lori are making dinner, so they're busy. We can do it if we do it quickly."

"No, I want to do this."

"Who's gonna teach you? Even if you learn they aren't gonna let you have a gun, especially if you stole one! They're gonna be pissed, do you know what trouble we're gonna be in for this?"

"I just want to help."

"This isn't helping this is you being an idiot. You can't teach yourself and nobody's gonna teach you with a stolen gun. _Think_ , you're just gonna get in trouble."

Carl looked down, placing his hand on his shirt over the gun. He looked disappointed and regretful, "okay . . ."

I nodded, finally letting go of my hair as I started to walk so I could get the RV in my line of sight. Dale was on the roof of the RV. I started to think, trying to figure out something to tell him so we could go in the RV.

Not a second later, we heard a car horn go off. Three cars drove around the house from the driveway, parking near the RV. There were two regular cars, and one was a pickup truck.

 _Shit. They're back already?_

I glanced at Carl, he was looking too while biting his lip. I spotted Rick approaching the cars. Shane was driving the truck, while Glenn and T-Dog were driving the others. We were too far to hear any of them talking.

"We could . . . We could go around, from the back of the RV? Try to sneak in."

I nodded, "yeah. That can work. How did you get in there in the first place?"

"I told Dale I wanted a walkie."

"Did you get one?"

He shook his head.

"So we can't even just say we're putting it back. Damn."

Carl and I walked to the left a bit, trying to get far and circle around the RV without getting noticed. Everyone seemed rather busy, taking some bags out of the cars, I saw them take some red gas cans out too. A few minutes later we were behind the RV. Dale left the roof around the same time the cars got here. I peered around the corner of the RV, seeing some of the men.

"T," Shane called. "Can you put this bag in the RV?"

"Yeah."

I hid myself behind the RV so he wouldn't see as he went inside. I felt the RV rock slightly as T-Dog walked in. Once T-Dog got out of the RV I looked around the corner again, watching his back as he walked away.

When I was sure no one was looking, I rushed forward, "come on, let's go."

The door to the RV was already open, we climbed inside quickly. Luckily, Guillermo wasn't in the RV, but I didn't see him with the other men so I had no idea where he was.

I started toward the back of the RV, when I got in the doorway of the bedroom inside I looked around, the gun bag was on the floor in front of us.

I turned to Carl, holding my hand out, "give it to me."

The small pistol had a cylinder that spun for the magazine. Feeling the lightweight of the gun, I popped the magazine out. I furrowed my eyebrows, looking up at him.

"You seriously stole an unloaded gun to shoot?"

He looked at the gun then looked away, embarrassed. I sighed, closing the gun. My hands were still shaking a bit.

"I'll do it," he suddenly said. He moved around me and crouched to the bag, reaching to unzip the bag. He stopped just as we heard footsteps and I turned my head just as Carl took the gun from my hand. Shane had walked in the RV, looking right at us.

"What're you kids doing?"

Carl quickly moved his hand so he could hide the gun behind the wall and stood up, "nothing."

"Carl, what's in your hand?" Shane asked, coming closer.

My stomach flipped and my legs felt weak. I could tell my Shane's expression that he already saw what Carl was holding.

* * *

 **Sorry for the late update everyone. there are like 9 new kids at the shelter.**

 **In a week or two I'll be turning off guest reviews, because the majority of guest reviews I end up deleted because it's people just telling me to UPDATE and how disappointed about the last time I updated. I know the last time I posted, because I was the one that did it. I'm disappointed, just as you are that I don't get to write as much as I'd like to. But as I said in previous notes, this is not a huge priority, I don't have internet, I don't have a computer, we don't have a house, and I don't even have my own bedroom. I'd appreciate those comments to stop because they are just discouraging and in no way make me want to update any faster.**

 **But for those who leave the awesome reviews and are so patient. Thank you. Thank you for your good wishes and your understanding about my current situation.**

 **My co-writer Rasha007 wrote two scenes that will be in the next chapter. And she is doing a sequel to her book: Roomate. It's a Daryl AU and only mature readers. Check it out.**

 **I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**


	18. In Trouble

**Happy Mother's Day!**

 **Now this chapter is much shorter than usual. But I'm thinking about making them around this length now so they'll get to you faster. I'm sorry I haven't updated since the shelter. The move was rough and for a while all I wanted to do was sleep and ignore the world. I'm more back to myself now.**

 **I hope you enjoy. I've already started on the next chapter.**

 **(And yes I changed my username, I like this one much better)**

* * *

Toby and Carl were sitting together on the bumper of the RV. Dale was there also, having been close when Shane beckoned on Rick and Lori.

T-Dog was nearby as well, glancing at them from time to time as he brought some bags of supplies out from one of the cars they brought back from the highway.

Shane had his arms crossed as he stood with Rick, who was running his hands through his hair in exasperation.

"How the hell did this happen?" Lori was looking from Carl to Toby, "what were you thinking?"

Neither of the children looked up from their shoes. Carl had his hands on his lap, while Toby had hers under her thighs, hoping to hide their trembling. She could feel her body shaking from fear and anticipation. She knew they were in deep trouble and had no idea how much worse it would get.

But she could certainly imagine.

Lori didn't notice her trembling. She was eyeing Carl, trying to figure out what drove him to do such a thing, watching him as he sat silently, she couldn't seem to shake her disbelief.

Dale stepped forward with an apologetic expression, "well, it's my fault. I let him into the RV, he said he wanted a walkie. That you sent him for one," he finished, motioning to Rick.

"So on top of everything else, he _lied_." Lori put her hand son her knees and bent in front of Carl, in a failed attempt to meet his eyes. "Carl, where is this coming from?"

Carl didn't move or say anything, Lori narrowed her eyes, briefly glancing at Toby. She could see Toby was much more anxious than Carl was, which rose her suspicions.

"Carl," she repeated, "was it you who took the gun?"

There was a long hesitation. Then Carl nodded without looking up.

Lori felt doubtful, "did someone tell you to do it?"

Carl shook his head.

"Carl, look at me," Carl slowly rose his head, meeting his mother's eyes. "Did Toby steal the gun?"

Carl's eyes widened and Toby's head shot up.

"Lori," Rick jumped in, "let's not jump to conclusions."

"Carl wants to learn how to shoot. He came to me earlier, asked me to teach him. Now, it's none of my business but I'm happy to do it." Shane said.

"So, his desire to learn how to shoot leads directly to stealing. That's what you're saying." Lori snapped at Shane, standing up straight.

"Of course not."

"You know Carl, he wouldn't steal. He's a good kid."

"They're _both_ good kids," T-Dog threw in. They turned to him, not expecting his input. T-Dog didn't plan to interfere, it wasn't his business. But he stopped his task of sorting supplies when he decided he didn't like where the argument was going.

"How can you justify that? She's wandering off all the time, making us look for her. She almost got herself killed at the CDC. Then, she almost got Carl killed with her going into that kitchen at the school."

Toby's eyes were unbelievably wide and her face was flushed with exasperation and frustration. She opened her mouth, trying to force out an objection, "I-I didn't-"

"- _Quiet_ ," Lori said in a warning tone, shooting Toby a look before returning to the conversation. "Have you already forgotten? This isn't the first time she's stolen a gun."

"Lori, stop." Shane demanded, getting angry aswell, "you aren't being fair."

Carl's jaw had dropped, at a loss for words. He couldn't believe what he caused. The guilt settled into his stomach, making him feel sick. He looked at Toby, who was visibly shaking now, her eyes were wet. Carl was sure that when she finally blinked, tears would fall. Toby was switching her gaze all around, watching the exchange of the adults furiously. Carl couldn't tell if she was more angry or terrified, but he didn't understand why she would be so scared. Carl knew he had to speak up to stop it all, but everytime he opened his mouth, someone else was speaking.

Toby wanted so bad to yell, to scream, to stop it all. She wanted badly to defend herself, she almost felt guilty, wanting it to just be Carl taking the punishment so she could go and hide. But her fear greatly outruled her guilt.

She wanted to tell them, to say something. But she knew better, she knew better than to argue or talk back. It could just make everything so much worse. She had been in trouble with these people before, and each time no punishment was really carried out, but she was sure it would finally happen. And this time it wasn't even something she did, and she would be punished for it.

"Oh, come on. Leave the girl alone," T-Dog shook his head at Lori incredulously. "It's not like she pulled it out and started shooting, she was scared. There was a lot going on that day."

"And that gives her right to take a gun?"

"Jesus Christ, woman." T-Dog exclaimed. T-Dog had his mouth open, preparing to keep being defensive, but he didn't know what to say. Lori was being completely unreasonable and it almost seemed like she was targeting Toby. Instead of responding again, T-Dog tried to piece it together. He hadn't known Lori to behave this way. Then he began to wonder if she was moody, possibly PMSing.

Shane was at a loss as well, Lori had always been calm and reasonable toward Toby, or at least she tried to be. To him, Lori's behaviour was nothing less than destructive, she was destroying the bridge that had slowly been building between Toby and everyone else. One look at the small girl and he could see it. There was another reason for her behaviour that he knew it must be, she was hormonal. Rick knew why, Lori had told him just that very morning, and it wasn't because she was on her period.

He just hoped he could calm her down, so they could stay on the issue and solve it.

"It wasn't her, mom." Carl said, his voice anything but confident. "I took it."

"Honey," Lori's voice became sweeter, "you don't have to take the blame for her. She has to finally understand that her actions have consequences."

Carl's eyebrows furrowed, even he didn't understand why it was so hard to confess his actions. "No, it was me. Toby was making me put it back, she didn't want me to get in trouble."

"Why did you take it in the first place?" Rick asked.

"I wanted to learn how to shoot. I thought . . . I'm sorry. It's not Toby's fault. She had nothing to do with it, just me."

Toby stood abruptly as Carl finished his confession. She rushed away from all of them without saying a word.

Rick turned, about to follow, "Wait-"

Lori put her hand on Rick's shoulder to stop him. "-don't. Let her cool off."

" _Cool off_?" T-Dog echoed. "Who's the one that fired her up in the first place? Daryl was right, you really are a piece of work."

"T-" Shane started.

"-Did you not see the look on her face?" T-Dog looked back at Lori with a harsh expression. "Hope you realize, any _s_ _hred_ of respect that girl had for you, or any of us . . . it's gone now."

T-Dog turned away from all of them, going back to his task at the cars, shaking his head as he went.

* * *

With Glenn's help, T-Dog finished his task of sorting and putting away supplies.

"I'll go see if dinner will be ready soon."

"Should be," T-Dog replied, looking at the sky as Glenn walked off. The sun was setting, making the sky not as bright as it once was.

Carol and Lori had been working on dinner for quite some time, though their was the incident with the gun Lori was distracted by. In the end, Lori went back to help Carol while Rick tended to Carl.

The events with Toby had T-Dog feeling disturbed. His mind would go to her every so often while he was sorting supplies, then he would glance around, wondering where she went. But after running away like she did, he hadn't seen her once.

T-Dog thought about it while looking around once again, until Glenn called out to him a moment later from the porch.

"They're ready!"

T-Dog sent Glenn a nodd and Glenn retreated back into the house. T-Dog's eyes wandered over to Daryl's tent, he hadn't seen him in a while either. After thinking about it, he started toward the tent, it was his first guess on where she would be. He stood in front of it, feeling awkward.

"Hey, Toby?" He called softly, staring expectantly at the tent. He wasn't expecting her to emerge from behind it.

"What're you doing back there?"

Toby didn't respond, she only stared back.

"Everyones gatherin' for dinner," he told her.

"I'm in trouble?" Her tone sounded as if she was asking, but her expression seemed more expectant.

"Nah, Carl explained it to them already. You're not in trouble."

She didn't say anything to that. Her expectant expression seemed to be wiped clean, and she stared blankly at T-Dog.

"Come on, let's go have dinner," he prompted.

"No."

"You're not gonna eat?"

"You gonna beat me if I don't?" she snapped suddenly.

T-Dog was shocked into silence, his eyes wide. It took a few moments for him to find his words, "geez, kid. No, I wouldn't do that."

"What if I get in trouble again?" Her blank expression fell, she looked curious, yet worried.

"No, why would-"

"- _Go_ ," T-Dog spun around, hearing Daryl behind him.

"I was just telling her that-"

"-Foods ready, I got it," Dary said simply, as if dismissing him.

"You can come too, man." T-Dog rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. The guilt from leaving Merle behind resurfaced, and suddenly, that was all he could think about.

Daryl continued to silently glare at T-Dog.

"Okay . . . see you there then . . . maybe," T-Dog looked down in shame and excused himself. Daryl was silent as T-Dog glanced once more at Toby.

"You can't say shit like that," Daryl told her once T-Dog was gone.

"Shit like what?"

"About gettin' beat, they're gonna think there's somethin' wrong with you."

"There's somethin' wrong with _them_ ," Toby jabbed a finger into the direction of the house. "Everythin's different. Every time I get in trouble they don't do anythin', like it never happened. I keep waitin' for it, nothin' happens. These people can't make up their minds. I'm so sick of _waitin_ '."

Daryl was silent, watching at Toby put the corners of her palms to her eyes. Her breathing was slightly laboured as she tried to regain her composure. Daryl wasn't used to her saying so much at once, or so franticlly. He wondered if she would cry and really hoped she wasn't going to.

"Well, stop," he finally said. "No one here is gonna be beatin' you."

Toby lowered her hands to look up at Daryl, her eyes shining with unshed tears, "'cause Daddy's not here? 'Cause I'm not their problem?"

"No because it's not fucking _normal_ ," Daryl spat out his words angrily.

Toby's eyebrows furrowed as she stared at Daryl.

Daryl sighed, at a loss as to what to tell her. He didn't want to talk about any of it, he understood her anxiousness to a certain level and did want to help ease her mind, but he couldn't do that without explaining exactly why she didn't have to be scared. And it seemed that would be much more difficult than expected. It became obvious to Daryl that Toby had a very different sense of right and wrong, that that was how she was brought up, and it would be a challenge to work her out of that mind-frame.

When he first discovered this, he thought he could wait it out and she would eventually learn how things really worked, but at that moment he was thinking very differently.

"Look," he sighed again, "this is a fucked up conversation and there's enough of that shit goin' on right now. Let's just go eat, I'm starvin'."

Daryl turned around, starting to walk toward the house.

"Y-You're goin'?"

He shrugged a shoulder and glanced at her as he continued walking, "yeah, didn't eat, didn't get to go huntin'. Got a better idea?"

She shook her head.

"Let's go. And get your damn shoes on."

* * *

In the dining room of the Greene household, there were two tables set side by side, made to seat all the people gathering for dinner. The first table, the smaller one, they decided to seat the younger ones together; Maggie, Beth, Jimmy, Carl and Toby. The second table seated the rest of the adults.

Toby was reluctant to separate from Daryl when first walking in, but when Dayl went to a seat without any objection she decided to follow his lead. She went to the seat Patricia pointed out for her without saying a word.

When Toby approached her seat her heart seemed to drop into her stomach at the realization she would be sitting next to Carl. She was reluctant once again, she didn't want to be talking to Carl again anytime soon. Feeling her stomach twist in hunger, she forced herself to sit down but refused to look his way.

Carl shifted in his seat nervously, guilt making his stomach churn. He glanced at her though the corner of his eye, but she was staring down at the table.

"I don't believe I've met you before," Patricia stopped where Guillermo was seated, she was helping hand out some plates. Lori and Rick were doing the same.

"No, _señora_. Guillermo," He introduced himself calmly.

"Patricia," she said as she placed the plate in front of Guillermo.

" _Gracias_."

Hershel was watching Patricia carefully, he hadn't been expecting her to be joining them for dinner. He could tell she was trying desperately to keep her composure and force a small smile. She had just lost her husband, Hershel thought about telling her to go rest, but didn't want to embarrass her or make her feel worse.

Guillermo received many looks of surprise at his responses to Patricia. The group was slightly weary of Guillermo, not knowing what to expect from his behaviour. Guillermo, meanwhile, pretended he didn't notice.

Maggie came into the dining room from the kitchen, carrying two plates, "where's Carol?"

"I already brought her a plate," Lori explained as she sat in her seat beside Rick. "She wanted to stay with Sophia."

Maggie placed the plates in front of Toby and Carl. Carl thanked her and Toby simply nodded her head in Maggie's direction. She had already brought her own, Jimmy's and Beth's plates to the table.

"Well, of course," Hershel sent a small smile Lori's way, "I wouldn't expect anything less from a mother. Now, join hands for saying grace."

Hershel outstretched his right hand to Patricia and his left to Rick. Some of the group were hesitant, not accustomed to the gesture, but complied anyway. Daryl however had snatched his hands away before anyone could even attempt to take hold of them.

Carl was looking at his mother and father, Lori sent him a nod, urging him to go along with it. Carl did as he was silently told and took Maggie's hand when she offered it. Then he reached for Toby's hand, but as soon as their skin made contact, Toby flinched, snatching her hand away while shooting him a look of annoyance.

Beth, who was on the other side of Toby, offered her hand to her. Toby merely glanced at it and looked away, keeping both hands on her lap.

Hershel closed his eyes and bowed his head, " _bless us, Oh Lord, and these, Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty. Through Christ, our Lord. Amen._ "

When the prayer was finished, Maggie opened her eyes to see Toby was looking around with a blank expression. Everyone disconnected their hands and began to eat.

Seeing it was then okay to eat, Toby followed suit.

As Maggie began to eat herself she glanced from Carl to Toby. She couldn't imagine having to live through this as a kid. Was there even time for them to be kids these days? And if there was, what did they do? Unlike those living in the Greene household, the group lived in fear with the dead walking. She couldn't imagine what it was like outside of their safe land. Sure, she had made the occasional trip into town to the pharmacy, but that was always uneventful. Well, except for that last trip with Glenn . . .

Maggie pushed Glenn from her mind, going back to her train of thought. To her, it was obvious these people had been struggling, she wondered how the kids dealt with it, surely they felt the stress of their parents.

Maggie cleared her throat a bit loudly to gain their attention, they both shifted their eyes to her and she smiled kindly, "So what are you guys doing for fun? Do you even have time for fun with everything that's going on?"

After asking her question, she watched as Toby went back to her food, taking small bites.

"I like comic books," Carl answered. "I took my comic collection with me when we left the house, so I have those. I had some toy trucks with but I left them behind somewhere . . . There isn't much else, and we're not allowed to go anywhere so . . ."

"What about games? Play any games together?"

"She doesn't like games . . ."

Maggie gave an apologetic smile, switching her gaze to Toby, who didn't looked up from her plate.

"What do you like then?"

Toby didn't answer. After a few moments went by Carl did instead. "She likes comics too, I showed her some of mine and now she's a fan."

Carl began to smile, feeling proud he introduced her to one of his interests, giving them something they had in common. Carl thought that if he made it so she didn't have to talk, she'd feel better about what happened earlier.

Maggie kept her eyes on Toby, smile slowly fading, wondering if she would speak for herself. Instead, Toby just took another bite of her food.

Dale's voice cut in from the other table where he had been listening in on the conversation, causing Maggie to look in his direction.

"Oh, that one is an avid reader, no matter the genre. She'd read a car repair manual if you gave it to her," he was leaning over to them, talking in mock whisper as if he was telling a secret he wanted everyone to know.

Toby swallowed her food nervously. She didn't take another bite, she just held her fork tightly and stared at her plate. Carl turned his head to her, knowing the conversation had taken an uncomfortable turn for her.

Toby silently begged for someone, anyone to say anything to move the conversation away from that subject. She didn't want to be there in the first place, she was only there because there was food and Daryl was there. Before talking to Daryl before dinner, she had actually hoped he would show up with game from hunting so she wouldn't have to have dinner with them.

"She went through all the books I had with me in the first two weeks we spent together."

Daryl snorted aloud causing several to look his way. He didn't look up, just continued to eat. He was thinking about when Toby failed to read a label for a reason he didn't know.

Toby kept her head down, embarrassment made her cheeks blush. She wished she could just evaporate and be done with the stupid conversation.

"Oh, really?" Maggie questioned, momentarily narrowing her eyes at Daryl before turning back to Toby.

"I have plenty of books," Beth said. "You can borrow anything you like, I don't mind."

Maggie nodded, "oh yeah, that's true. Beth has quite the collection."

"What have you read?" Beth asked, trying to carry on the conversation.

Toby had been trying to keep calm throughout the conversation, but it seemed the invisible string in her mind that had been holding everything together had finally snapped. She didn't understand why so many people were suddenly talking to her about books and reading, when nobody had ever brought it up in the years previous.

She finally had enough. She stood abruptly, causing the legs of the chair to screech loudly against the floor. Then, she was out of the room, faster than anyone could comprehend.

Beth looked at Maggie, "what? Did I say something?"

Maggie just shook her head with a baffled expression, not sure what happened. She glanced around, wondering if anyone else knew. She saw Daryl shake his head and continue eating. Her blood began to boil.

Maggie's attention was dragged away from Daryl to Carl, who was shifting in his seat nervously. Carl's head was down just as Toby's was seconds before, avoiding everyone's eyes.

"Are you feeling all right?" Maggie asked him, concerned.

Hearing Maggie, Lori turned to her son, studying his face. She recognized the expression, he wore one exactly like it when he broke a window on their garden shed and did his best to look like he had no idea that anything had happened to it.

"What is it, Carl?" Lori thought that if he'd done something else that day, it'd be better if they found out right away rather than later. Lori was still baffled by the incident with the gun, making her nervous to think what else he might've done.

"N-Nothing, " he stuttered while pretending to be busy with his food, but he was only pushing it around the plate. His thoughts and emotions made him lose his appetite. He felt responsible for Toby being upset, guilt about her almost getting in trouble earlier. And then she had to run off, feeling cornered and embarrassed by the conversation. He wasn't sure what to tell them, if anything. Toby told him it wasn't a secret, but he could tell she didn't want to share it with anyone either.

Rick and Lori shared a look, it was obvious to them something was going on. But what? They wondered. To them, the kids were fine just a minute before. They knew there was no way they would get the information from Toby, so they would have to hale it out of their son.

Rick stood and motioned to the others, signaling that he would handle it. The others continued to say nothing. Rick walked around their table to get to where Carl was sitting. He squatted down next to his son, studying his profile for a moment since he didn't move to look at him. Carl was no longer playing with his food, instead he was just staring at the table.

"Carl, can you tell me what just happened?" He asked softly. Carl didn't say anything, but he did lift his head to glance around. He saw right away that the people all around them were trying to unsuccessfully hide that they were listening.

Carl turned to his father, contemplating what he should say.

"You know we can't help you or her if we don't know what's wrong," Rick pushed. "You understand that, right?"

After thinking about it a while longer, Carl confessed, "She can't read." He didn't want to tell, but he thought that if someone knew it wouldn't be brought up again and they wouldn't make her sad.

"What?" was all Rick could say, it definitely wasn't what he was expecting to hear. He looked back at Lori before quickly sliding his gaze around the table, trying to see if anyone had a clue. Apparently not if the open mouths were anything to go by.

"What did you say?" Dale was baffled, "I've seen her read, she spent hours on the roof of my RV with me doing just that."

"No she didn't, she doesn't know how. She told me the other day," Carl mumbled.

"Oh, damn," Daryl exhaled, lifting his elbow on the table and resting his forehead on his hand.

Maggie's head whipped around to him, "that's all you have to say? _Oh damn_? You should have done something about it a long time ago! Unbelievable," she whispered the last word under her breath.

"What the fuck is your problem? How should I know that?" He tossed his fork on the table angrily, just before he turned to glare at her, he saw Shane rise from his seat and leave the room.

"I don't have kids but I always thought, as a parent, it's your responsibility to-"

"-the hell? She's not my kid!" He growled back at her.

"Maggie, you are way over the line, apologize!" Hershel's voice boomed over the argument.

Maggie's mouth was parted in surprise and embarrassment. She was silent, struggling on what to say. She glanced around, waiting for someone to correct her and claim their relation, but no one did.

"She doesn't have family. She was with her father, but he's gone." Lori supplied, knowing that Maggie was trying to piece it together.

Maggie looked down at her plate. She recalled how earlier that day Daryl had come to check on Toby and advised her to put her shoes on. Before that there were a few times she'd seen Toby with him. She felt ridiculous for lashing out on the man who was obviously keeping an eye on the girl, even though she wasn't his.

"I'm sorry," Maggie apologized.

Daryl made a grunting sound and picked up his fork. He stared at Shane's empty chair as he began eating again. He really didn't want to be there any longer but he didn't see any point in wasting food. Daryl thought hard about leaving and going after Toby, but he guessed that was the reason Shane left. He decided to finish eating quickly and then go. The room was silent for several minutes, only the scrapping of silverware scraping against the plates could be heard.

Glenn, attempting to salvage the evening, broke the silence, He thought it would be an easy enough topic.

"Does anybody know how to play guitar? Dale found a good one. Somebody's gotta know how to play."

"Otis did, Patricia said quietly without looking at anyone.

"Yes." Hershel nodded, "and he was very good too."

It then occurred to Glenn that there was no longer such a thing as an easy enough topic.

* * *

Shane stepped out of the house and onto the porch. The light from the front door illuminated some of the yard and just outside of the light, he spotted Toby's small figure walking further away.

He called out to her and bounded down the porch steps. She stopped, turning to him briefly before continuing to walk in the opposite direction.

"Wait," he said as he approached her. Fortunately for him, she stopped, but she kept her back to him.

"What," she said, her voice cracking.

Shane ran a hand over his head, "I owe you an apology. I've been a complete asshole to you. Even from the start I was, without meaning to. I'm sorry."

Toby was confused, because her back was to him she didn't bother hiding her expression, he couldn't see anyways. She had shed a few tears, but right then, her bewilderment at his apology distracted her from crying.

"Huh? But . . . why?" she had no idea what else to say.

"Why what?"

"Why are you . . . _sorry_?" She said the last word quietly, as if it was foreign to her.

Shane wished she would turn around, "because you didn't deserve the way I treated you."

Toby still didn't turn, instead she looked down at her bare feet. She realized that she had left her shoes inside the house, everyone else had taken theirs off at the door so she had done the same.

"I've been . . . out of sorts lately." Shane had to think for a few moments, trying to figure out how to explain himself. "It's been stressful. I wasn't acting like myself, and because of that I thought it would be better to keep you away. That was why I yelled at you to go before. I was being stupid. I don't want to scare you off or leave you in the dark. I want to help you, I want to be there for you. I was doing it wrong before, I should've told you about your dad. I don't know where he went or what happened, but after so long, I should've told you he wasn't coming. I've been doing wrong by you since the start, that's why I'd to start over."

"Start over?" she echoed unsurely.

Shane stayed a few feet back, he wanted to reach out to her but thought better of it. He kept his distance to give her space.

"I want you to trust me. I want us to be able to trust each other. I want you to be able to trust me to make the right call."

Toby hesitated, thinking over Shane's words. Her frustration from before had almost completely evaporated. She finally turned to Shane, but only halfway. She looked up at him, her expression revealed to him her unsureness of the conversation. "Right call?"

Shane could barely contain his relief upon Toby finally meeting his eyes. Toby responding and giving eye contact were both signs that it wasn't going as bad as he thought it might.

Shane crouched down to her so he could be closer to eye level with her, "meaning, when I do something you trust I have a good reason and that reason is to keep you and the others safe."

Toby didn't respond to that. Shane thought hard, wondering how he could make things more clear.

When Shane thought of something, he turned his head and pointed to the barn. He looked back at her intently, "what do you think about that?"

Toby's eyes followed the direction of his hand, "the barn?"

"About what's _in_ the barn."

Shane lowered his hand, watching as Toby stared hard at the barn. He was patient in waiting for her answer.

"They shouldn't be there," she answered quietly, still staring at the barn.

Shane practically beamed with reassurance at her answer, "And the right call would be to get rid of them, that would keep us safe. That's the right call."

Toby still didn't look away from the barn. She was processing what Shane was telling her. She was still very unsure of Shane, but she was sure she didn't want to be sleeping near any corpses, she saw nothing wrong with getting rid of them. She didn't understand why they were letting them stay in there.

After they were both silent for a while, Shane spoke, "we'll get back to that later. There's something else I want to talk to you about."

Toby finally turned back to him, looking expectant.

"About what happened in there," he motioned to the house.

Her eyes widened slightly and she began to turn away, hoping to make a quick escape. To stop her, Shane gently touched her arm, being cautious of any physical contact he gave her.

"Hey, don't go." Toby stopped at his words, but was once again, looking the other way. "I understand that you may feel embarrassed. But it's not a big deal. Sure, it's a useful skill to have but there are more important things to learn, especially now. The world is different, and it's still changing."

Toby looked back at him, her eyebrows scrunched together.

"Carl told us after you left," he explained. "I told you before we came here that when I got the chance, I'd teach you how to properly use a gun. I'm keeping my word, the most important thing for you to learn right now is how to defend yourself. Once you can do that, if you want to try and learn to read, I'll do my best to help."

She felt an odd sense of relief at Shane's words, they felt right. What did it matter that she couldn't read? It mattered much more that she could barely aim a gun, Her aim with her knives might've been better, but not in a way it would potentially save her life.

Toby knew there was no way she'd be able to kill a Walker on her own again, not unless it was lying on the ground before her, making it easy to stab it in the head. There was no way it would happen again, the first time under that RV back at the quarry, she was just lucky.

"Thank you, for hearing me out." He said, seeing she was thinking it all over. "You should go get some rest, I'm gonna go help clean up. We'll talk more about training tomorrow."

Shane stood and turned to walk back to the house.

Toby stood there, watching Shane leave. She was slightly shocked, _was someone really going to show her how to hit the target?_

* * *

When Daryl finished dinner he took his plate to the kitchen and cleaned it himself. Before leaving he saw Shane was helping the others clean up. As he walked passed, he tried to catch Shane's eye, wondering if he had really gone to see Toby and what he might've said. He looked oddly content with himself, Daryl even noticed him slightly smiling.

As he got onto the porch, he heard T-Dog call out to him so he turned around.

"What?" Daryl felt annoyed, he just wanted to go to his tent and get whatever awkwardness with Toby over and done with. He'd been thinking of what to say to her the rest of the dinner. He was tired, it'd been a long day. He didn't understand why T-Dog was suddenly around him and Toby.

"I was just wondering if you talked to Toby."

"I've been _eatin'_ ," Daryl snapped.

"No, no, I know that. I meant about earlier, what happened with Lori and Carl."

Daryl raised an eyebrow, "kid don't say much. Even to me."

"I know, I just wanted to make sure she was okay."

"That's why you were talkin' to her 'fore dinner," Daryl pointed out.

T-Dog nodded, "trying too, didn't go well."

Daryl thought how hesitant Toby was to go to the dinner, and he remembered her anxious tone when she'd been talking to T-Dog.

"Whatever it was, sure she's fine now," Daryl turned and walked down the porch steps. He heard T-Dog trying to tell him something but he just ignored him. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what happened, he didn't like Lori and definitely didn't want to hear more reasons to be annoyed with her, it was a waste of energy. He thought that if the kid wanted to tell him, she would.

Daryl went to his tent, inside he saw Toby lying on her back in Merle's sleeping bag. She lifted her head up to glance at him. She had his flashlight on, standing upright between the two sleeping bags, lighting up the tent.

Daryl zipped the tent closed behind him, then went to his sleeping bag. Toby didn't say anything, she was slightly anxious, she knew Daryl knew, just as Shane had. Daryl settled himself into his sleeping bag. They were both silent for several minutes, neither of them were even trying to pretend to sleep.

Daryl had thought over what to say several times, whatever he came up with sounded wrong. Even what he finally said, seemed even more wrong, "Can't read, huh?"

Toby felt her insides tense with anxiety, practically cringing at his words. She hadn't realized until the dinner how much she actually didn't want people to know.

Daryl was lying on his back, staring upwards. He didn't think she would respond, he knew there wasn't much to say to what he asked.

"It took me a while when I was a kid, to uh, figure it out I guess," he admitted. "Merle nearly gave up on me."

That's when Toby turned her head to him, surprised, "Merle?"

"Yeah. He taught me everything, mostly anyway."

"Did he teach you how to use your crossbow?"

Daryl shook his head, "nah, wasn't really his thing. My old man shot crossbow, I learned a bit from him then figured the rest out myself."

"What did Merle teach you?"

"Like I said . . . everything. He's been more my dad then my old man ever was. I probably shouldn't tell you most of the things he taught me."

"Merle said he left lots."

Daryl glanced at her, "he told ya that?"

She nodded.

Daryl looked away. He rubbed his eyes then sighed, "need the light tonight?"

"No."

Daryl reached for the flashlight and turned it off.

Toby spent the last several minutes before falling asleep wondering what life would've been like if she had a brother like Merle.

* * *

 **Now the opening scene and the dinner scene was curtesy of Rash007, she wrote those scenes herself. I revised them, and added more because you all see how I tend to over do it with detail. She did an awesome job, they're great scenes.**

 **Again, sorry for the wait. Since the next chapter will be around this length I hope to have it done a lot sooner.**

 **Tumblr: TobyJustGone**

 **Thank you for all your support throughout the last few months. You've all been a wonderful help and I couldn't be more grateful for your wonderful reassurances.**

 **-Penn**


	19. The Farmer's Daughter

**I just started watching season 7 of the walking dead, I love Ezekiel so much!**

 **Sorry for the wait as always, hope you enjoy**

* * *

"Mom found another one of my comics . . . it was in one of her bags. You haven't seen this one so I thought . . . that maybe you'd want to. I can read it to you."

It was the third time Carl had tried talking to me that morning, and just like the first two times I didn't respond. It wasn't even that long before that I'd woken up, I wasn't even sure if it was noon yet.

I didn't really go anywhere since I'd woken up. I sat outside the tent in the sun, the furthest I'd gone was to go pee, before returning back to the same place.

Carl, who was standing to my side, finally shuffled away a few awkward moments later. I could see him going out of the side of my vision, but I hadn't really looked at him. Instead, I stared out into the forest, wondering briefly how long I could go on my own without being eaten

"Not his fault y'know."

I looked over at Daryl. He was a few feet away from the tent, toward the wooded area, leaning against a tree. He'd said a few moments before Carl walked over that he was going to take a piss.

"At the dinner, his old man was pushin' it out of him. They wouldn't have left it alone."

It took me a second to realise Daryl was talking about the dinner, when Carl told everyone I couldn't read. That's why Daryl thought I wasn't talking to him.

I didn't think Daryl noticed that I wasn't talking to him either.

I didn't know why I wasn't talking, usually there's an ultimate reason, I'm not particularly fond of that person ( _Lori_ ) or I'm mad at them because someone else is also mad because that person did something to that other person's brother ( _Rick_ ). Or they made me feel creeped out and guilty ( _Carol_ ). There wasn't a reason for it this time, at least not toward Daryl. He'd said a few things here and there since we woke up, but I didn't say anything back.

It wasn't because of Carl telling everyone at the dinner that I wasn't talking to him, or maybe that was part of the reason, I felt embarrassed but I didn't feel mad about it. Thinking back to when he took the gun, that made me angry, it made no sense to me why he did it. And then, Lori was blaming me for things Carl started? Back at the school when he went into the kitchen of the cafeteria, I didn't think it would be fun, I followed him hoping I could get him out so we wouldn't get in trouble. Then, he stole a gun, and I get in trouble after making him put it back so we didn't get in trouble.

 _Maybe my plans need some more work_

I was just so tired, and so _done_. I missed the days when even Daddy wasn't home and I was alone. Which was ironic considering at the time, I sometimes wished for him to come home early, or that maybe I actually had a friend so I had something to do. But now, it was starting to seem like solitude really was the best way to go.

I glanced over to where the cars were parked when I heard Shane raising his voice, he wasn't being very loud, but enough to know that he wasn't happy. He and Rick had been standing beside one of the cars talking for a while, the conversation had been intense for a while, but now it was becoming more agitated.

 _Maybe I'll go for a walk_ , I stood up and took a few steps before Daryl's voice halted me.

"Hey," I glanced at him as he continued, "goin' huntin' soon, not sure when I'm gonna be back."

For a brief moment, I wondered if he'd let me go with him, then I remembered Sophia.

 _No one's letting me go into the woods after another little girl just got shot._ I knew I wasn't going anywhere, so I nodded and kept walking. Then I wondered why Daryl bothered telling me, _why would he care if I knew he was hunting?_

I was walking by the group's camp when I wished I'd walked behind the RV instead, I just kept my head down and kept going. After passing the camp and the RV, I came across Glenn. His back was to me, staring off into the distance with his hands up near his face. I stepped around him out of curiosity to see he was holding binoculars.

"Hello, _farmer's daughter_." he mumbled.

I followed the direction he was looking in, putting a hand over my eyes to shield the sun In the distance I could make out Maggie walking in our direction carrying a basket, she was wearing a green tank top and jeans.

I looked over at Glenn, he didn't seem to notice I was there, after a few seconds, I poked his side. Glenn practically jumped out of his skin, he fumbled with the binoculars trying to catch them after losing his grip. Once he caught a hold of them, he looked at me with wide eyes.

"I-I was just, y'know, just checking things out." He fumbled over his words and when he got them out his eyes widened more and he looked almost horrified.

We both turned around when we heard the sound of a car starting. Shane was walking toward us, away from Rick and the car. Rick got into the car and closed the door. I watched as T-Dog waked up to the passenger's side and got in.

"Hey," Shane said when he got to me, "you sleep all right?"

I just shrugged.

"Where are your shoes? Go get them on, gonna show you something."

I had to think about it for a minute before remembering I left them in the house when we all went in there for dinner. I walked passed Shane toward the house, I was curious about what he was talking about, and wasn't sure if I really wanted to be around him. But ultimately, I decided that I just didn't care, Daryl was going to be gone anyway, and Shane did say he would teach me how to shoot.

I walked up the porch steps and opened the door to the house. My running shoes were right by the door. As I put them on, I already couldn't wait to take them off. I left the house to see Shane had been waiting for me.

"We're gonna go out to the chicken shed," he told me, looking around as he walked, as if checking if anyone was close enough. We walked passed Maggie on our way and she smiled at us.

"Morning," Shane greeted her.

Once we got to where the chickens were fenced in, we went inside the shed.

"This was the only place I thought we could do it. We need a table, and it's best to have some privacy from the others, most of them won't agree to this. Don't worry about that though, I'll keep working on it, they'll have to understand that even you kids need to learn to defend yourselves. We're not going to be by your side twentyfour-seven. There's going to be a time that you'll need this skill."

Shane was moving stuff out of the way on the workshop table. He wiped some of the dirt and dust off before reaching into his back pocket and pulling out his blue handkerchief. He laid the handkerchief on the table.

"We're going to start with gun assembly and cleaning since you can't do target practice yet. That isn't a bad thing though, because once you know how to use a gun, you'll need to know how to take proper care of it. Especially if you want it to take care of you."

Shane pulled his gun out of it's holster and laid it on the table.

"My piece is a bit more advanced, but Dale's been guarding the gun bag since Carl . . . anyway, I figured it would be better to start somewhere rather than nowhere. It's heavier, got better balance and twice the ammo as the one we would've given you for training."

Shane motioned for me to go closer to the table so I did. I looked up at him as he leaned his elbows on the table.

"Do you know how to unload it? Always make sure the chamber is clear of any live rounds before starting this."

I pressed my lips together, looking down at the gun. After I thought about it, I put my hand on the butt of the gun, attempting to get the magazine out. After I struggled for a couple seconds he reached for it and helped.

"Now you're gonna hold down this metal bar, it goes straight through to the other side, you see?" he said pointing his finger at it. "Pull it toward the trigger, while holding the top. Slide the rail off, _gently_. Nice, you got it."

I breathed out, trying to alleviate some of the anxiety. So far it seemed I was doing everything right. He pointed to the silver spring inside of the rail so I put the other side of the gun down.

"Take out that spring out there." I followed his instruction slowly, the spring was a little difficult to get out, but I got it.

"Under that you see that metal rod, that's the barrel. You're gonna get some grease on your hands from that. Every so often you're gonna wanna oil up the barrel. It's fine for now."

I took the barrel out, it felt oily.

"You're halfway there," he smiled.

I felt the corners of my mouth lift, feeling a small swell of pride. It was the best I felt so far that day.

He continued with his instruction and I followed it slowly, making sure not to mess it up. I was done a few minutes later, he said he'd already had the gun cleaned so I didn't have to do that. Next he showed me how to put it back together.

"Be sure to put the spring back in the right away, and make sure it's level."

It took me a lot long to put it all back together then it did to take it apart, twice Shane had to correct me on a part and did it himself.

"Nice job, was that your first time disassembling?"

I nodded.

"You did great. Want to see how much you can remember yourself now?"

I nodded and went back to the gun. He still had to correct me a few times but I did better. At one point I glanced at him and something caught my attention, it was the necklace her wore. Shane was leaning forward on the table making his necklace dangle, causing it to be more noticeable. I'd noticed it a few times, it was a number 22 pendant hanging on a long chain.

"Why do you wear that?"

Shane looked confused for a moment before following my eyes, "oh, that. It's my number, my favourite, my lucky number." he chuckled a little, "though it never proved to be very lucky. My birthday's on the twenty-second, and it was my football number in highschool. I used it for a lottery number all the time, though maybe I shouldn't have. Never won anything."

"Oh," was all that escaped my lips. I stared at the number before looking back to the gun.

* * *

 _ **Third POV**_

Maggie was giving Lori a few eggs from the basket she was holding, she'd just finishing collection them from the chicken coop. Lori took the eggs and thanked her, she was going to cook them over a fire for the rest of the group. Maggie walked away from Lori, planning on going into the house, but stopped. Her eyes wandered over to Daryl's tent. She stared for a few moments, contemplating.

Daryl was staring down at a broken bolt in his hand, he knew he'd have to make or find more at some point. He was fiddling around with it, contemplating how to fix it, when really, he was stalling.

He glanced up at the tent, planning on taking it down. He was going to fifteen minutes prior, but there he was stalling. He told Toby he was going hunting before she walked off, but he didn't get out how long he might be gone for. He would've found a way to explain it but she'd walked off too quickly. He was hoping to hunt down a deer at the least, bring back some real meat, full meals for them.

Daryl sighed to himself and went inside the tent to start rolling up the sleeping bags. He planned on figuring out something for Toby before he left, she'd probably just end up staying in the RV. He'd let Dale know.

When Daryl came out of the tent with a rolled up sleeping bag under his arm, Maggie made up her mind and began to make her way over to him.

Daryl was going through his bag when she approached. When he saw her, he stopped what he was doing, stood up straight and stared her down.

Maggie bit her lip, hesitating, "Daryl, right? I'm Maggie."

Daryl gave a nod, his expression neutral, "I know that."

"Oh," she said. "I wanted to say I was sorry, again . . . for last night. I shouldn't have snapped at you."

"mm-hmm," he said, crouching to seal his bag.

"I just . . . I didn't know she was on her own, and it seemed like no one was really paying attention to her. It got on my nerves a bit."

"Now ya know why no one looks at her," he scoffed, tying his sleeping bag to the outside of his bag.

"I don't follow."

Daryl stood, slightly scowling, "no one knows what to say to her, so they don't say nothin'. And now after last night it's an even worse shit show than it already was."

Maggie squinted at him, she didn't really understand what he was trying to say. He didn't seem to be very clear.

"Where is she now?"

"Fuck if I know. She walked off pretty quick, best to just leave her alone."

"You're not worried?"

He shook his head, his expression grew softer as he stared off passed her. As if looking to see if he'd spot Toby, "nah. After that kid got shot I doubt she's gonna go out there," he motioned behind him to the wooded area. "An' now that we know what's in that barn of yours, she ain't goin' anywhere near it."

"Right . . ."

"That all you came here for?"

Maggie looked down at the basket in her hand and grabbed two eggs out with her free hand. She offered the eggs to Daryl, he hesitated for a moment before taking them.

Maggie gave a nod before turning away.

"Wait."

Maggie turned back to him.

Daryl looked at her then down to the basket, "how much you got there?"

She held out the basket, "take what you like."

Daryl gave a nod of thanks and took two more with his other hand.

"Me and Glenn are taking a run into town. There anything you need?"

He shook his head, "didn't you two just go for a run?"

"What can I say? People keep coming up with stuff they want."

Daryl gave a grunt, as if that was some kind of regular answer. Maggie stood there for a moment awkwardly.

"Well," she said, turning away again, "if there's anything you need just ask. I'd be happy to help, if you needed it, with Toby I mean."

Daryl pressed his lips together, briefly glancing at his tent.

"Wait," he stopped Maggie again once she was a few feet away. Maggie turned back to him again, seeing he was staring at the tent.

He finally looked back at her, "there is somethin'."

* * *

Glenn and Maggie were riding horses side by side. Glenn found his legs were sore from riding, he wasn't used to having to keep his balance on a horse, he was trying his best not to wobble side to side. He hoped Maggie didn't notice his struggle.

She did.

It had been awkward and tense between them since the group found out about the Walkers in the barn.

"Could we talk about something?" Glenn asked anxiously. He was afraid of her silence, she hadn't said a word since she brought the horses out for them and they were now riding into the town.

"What happened to Toby's father?" Maggie had been in deep thought since her talk with Daryl.

Glenn's eyes went wide, it wasn't what he was expecting. "Woah, okay. Wow. I was actually hoping we could talk about why _your_ dad keeps a barn filled with Walkers."

Maggie shook her head dismissively.

"It's creepy, you know that right? If you'd seen Atlanta you would not have a barn full of Walkers."

"We're not talking about this."

"He thinks they're sick, and you agree with that?"

" _Stop_ ," her head jerked to face him. She sighed and looked away, "could you just answer my question. Please?"

"Why? Why do you want to talk about that?"

"I want to know. Why not? Does anyone talk about it?" They stopped in front of the pharmacy and she hopped off her horse.

"No, not really." Glenn said, then grunted as he hopped off next. "Why would we? There's nothing to talk about, he's most likely dead anyways."

Maggie paused as she was tying the horses reins to a post. "Wait, you don't know?"

"No one does. Shane said her dad left, then didn't come back."

"So, he knows?"

"No, he found her after."

Maggie looked away, starting to tie the reins again, "that's horrible."

Glenn shrugged, "I don't know if I buy it."

"What? What do you mean buy it?"

Glenn shook his head, "nothing. Nevermind."

"No, say it," she said, stepping up to him.

Glenn avoided her eyes, then lifted his hand to fidget with his hat, "I don't know . . . Sometimes I think she just said that."

"Why would anyone just _say_ that? You think she made it up?" Maggie narrowed her eyes in bewilderment.

"Maybe so she wouldn't have to say anything about it? And we wouldn't ask? Maybe she saw him die and decided to pretend it didn't happen."

"What made you come up with that theory?" She turned away opening the door to the pharmacy.

"Don't you find it hard to believe? That he would just leave her?" he asked, walking in behind her. "That anyone would just leave their own kid? Look at Lori and Rick, Carl's their life. And Carol, she's barely left Sophia's side. And she's not even conscious. I just . . . I can't see it."

Maggie stared at Glenn, she agreed it was a hard thing to picture, a parent leaving their child behind. She turned away from him to grab a shopping basket and began to collect what they needed from the shelves.

"Why are you asking about it anyway?" Glenn asked her. "You'd be better off asking Shane, he'll know better. Or Daryl."

"Daryl's taking off for a while, couple days maybe," she said, taking an item off the shelf and placing it into the basket.

"Yeah, hunting trip or something Rick said. How do you know?"

"He told me himself, asked me to look in on Toby while he's gone."

Glenn was surprised, he couldn't imagine Daryl talking to Maggie, he couldn't imagine him asking her that either.

"So, avoid the father subject," Maggie thought outloud.

Glenn squinted at her as she searched the shelves, "what do you mean _avoid_?"

"I mean it's on the _Do-Not-Mention_ list."

"So there's a mention list? And what's on that?"

"Haven't figured it out yet," she admitted, "thought I'd try and spend some girl time with her."

"And do what exactly?"

She shrugged, "Daddy asked me to put together dinner tonight, I'm gonna see if she'll want to help out."

"Dinner? When you said girl time I thought that meant you painting her nails."

Maggie scoffed, "fresh out of that, Beth used up the last of it."

Maggie doubted painting nails would be among Toby's interests, half the time Maggie saw her she wasn't even wearing shoes. Maggie noticed last night when they were cleaning up for dinner that she'd left her shoes inside. After thinking about it, Maggie decided shoes were an easy enough topic to bring up to the girl.

Maggie leaned toward Glenn to see what else was on the list he was holding.

"I'll go check out the back," she said, walking away. She walked to the back and hopped over the counter, behind the counter was where they stored the medications. Maggie began sorting through the bottles on the shelf, reading the labels.

Glenn sauntered through the aisles, grabbing things that were on the list, and other items he thought may be useful. When he reached the feminine hygiene section, he stopped and thought for a moment before grabbing all the pads and tampon boxes that were left. No one had asked for them this time, but he figured he'd be sent out for them at some point, he knew they'd come to good use and the girls may be grateful for having them.

"No! No! _GLENN!"_ he heard Maggie screaming at the top of her lungs. He turned in her direction to see a Walker that had been trapped on the other side of the shelf reached through and grabbed a hold of her wrist.

Glenn dropped the basket and ran toward her while calling out her name, as he passed a column he tore one of the shelves off, the items on it falling to the ground. Maggie had managed to get free from the Walker and scramble away when the shelf fell from the Walker pushing it.

Just as the Walker lunged for her, Glenn jumped onto the counter and swung the shelf at the Walker's head, knocking it away.

When it was down Glenn jumped down, dropping the shelf.

"Did it get you? Did it bite you?!" He asked frantically, taking hold of her shoulders. Maggie couldn't answer, she was shaking and gasping for air. Glenn quickly looked her over before pulling her into a hug.

* * *

A little over an hour later Maggie and Glenn returned to the farm. Once again, Maggie was silent the whole way.

"Do you want me to take them back?" Glenn asked as they hopped off the horses.

Maggie nodded, "thank you." She took their bag of supplies and walked toward the house. Glenn watched her go, he couldn't stop thinking about what would've happened if he hadn't gotten to her in time. He felt guilty, thinking that from then on, it was best he went alone.

Maggie was thinking about the ones they kept in the barn, comparing them to the one that attacked her. Her mind that once had hope for those people, was filled with doubt.

"You're back," Hershel said as she walked in, "you took a long time. I was worried."

"Well you don't need to be, Glenn and I checked out some of the other places on that block, wondering if we could find something," she lied.

"How was it?"

"Good, got everything on the list." Maggie dug through the bag, grabbing two of the pill bottles and placing them on the kitchen table in front of him.

Hershel picked one of the bottles up, sighing as he looked it over. Maggie noticed his troubled expression quick.

"What's wrong?"

Hershel hesitated, avoiding his daughter's eyes. Maggie didn't push him, she waited patiently.

"Sophia woke up, while you were gone."

Maggie's eyes widened, she felt relief but her father's expression made her nervous, "and? How is she?"

"She had a seizure. She lost consciousness again . . . I had no way of knowing exactly how much blood she'd lost. She lost too much blood for her body to repair itself. I can't risk a transfusion if Carol doesn't know her blood type."

"But . . . I thought she was getting better, she was-"

"-I know. I was wrong. Her organs may be shutting down, and soon she may not be able to breathe on her own if she gets worse."

Maggie sat down across from her father and dropped the bag, "what about the respirator?"

Hershel just shook his head. Maggie knew why, the respirator was pointless if her body was dying.

"Does she have a chance?"

Hershel was staring at his hands on the kitchen table, "a small one."

"It was a small chance before too right? She could pull through?"

"It's different now. I have no way of knowing what's wrong or how to take care of it." Hershel stood, "there's nothing I can do."

Maggie thought it all over, she thought hard about her next words. She knew that it may not have been respectable to bring it up with a dying girl in the next room, but she felt she had to.

"Then what?"

"Pardon?" Hershel turned to her.

"If . . . if she dies. Then what? You kick them off the land? Force all of them back out there?"

Hershel took a deep breath, Maggie was present early that morning. Rick was trying to talk Hershel into letting them stay even when Sophia was recovering. He had a feeling she would bring it up.

"Rick was trying to make his case. It'll be hard. They'll have to be careful. But he was being dramatic. They're a strong group. They've done well on their own. They're just gonna have to go out and find their own farm. There's plenty of them now to chose from."

"There aren't. Every one of them nearby is burned out or full of Walkers."

"Walkers?" Hershel echoed, disappointment lacing his voice. "So we just keep these people here forever? How are they my responsibility? I did what I could for that little girl."

"' _A new command I give to you, love one another as I have loved you'_. That's what you told me, right? Love one another. That's what you told me."  
"Is this about you and the Asian boy? Do you want me to-"

"-No." Maggie's voice shook slightly as tears burned her eyes. She wasn't planning on telling Hershel. She was never sure how to feel about the virus now plaguing the people she once knew. But Hershel led her and Beth to believe they could get better. Maggie shoved all her doubt away, not wanting to think the worst, but her close encounter had unburied all of it.

"His name is Glenn. He saved my life today when one of the people you think is sick tried to kill me. How's that for dramatic? Things aren't what you think they are. They aren't. Don't do this. Okay? It's not about me and Glenn. It's not about me and you. It's about you. It's about who you are, who you're gonna be. Having a strong group won't stop things like _that_ -" Maggie pointed to the direction of Sophia's room, "-from happening."

"Maggie-"

"-And even if they are just sick, that doesn't make them any less dangerous."

The two heard someone clear their throat. They turned away from each other to see Guillermo in the doorway holding a small cardboard box. "I've done what you asked," he said simply.

"Thank you, son. You can just set that down."

Guillermo stepped forward and placed the box on the table beside Maggie. Then instead of leaving, he stood there expectantly.

When Hershel realized why he was still there he dismissed him, "I'll find you if I need anything else."

Guillermo gave a nod, and then left.

Maggie stood and leaned over the box, "he harvested the potatoes?"

"He asked to be put to work. He was in the stables all morning."

"He did that?" Maggie asked, surprised. When she was getting the horses for her and Glenn earlier she noticed it had been cleaned up. She thought her father or Patricia might've done it.

"I know you want to talk about this. But I need to talk with Carol," Hershel said, walking around the table to make his way out of the kitchen.

"What're you going to say to her?"

"Nothing that will be easy," he said. After Hershel left, Maggie did too. She wanted to get her mind off of things and decided to go find Toby.

When Maggie went outside she saw that the car Rick took earlier was back. He left so they could find a good place for target practise. Glenn walked up to Maggie as soon as he saw she was out.

"Rick and T-Dog said they found a good place for the gun lessons, we're heading out now. You want to come?"

Maggie thought it over before shaking her head, "who's staying?"

"Uh . . . I think Lori's staying with Carl Guillermo. Carol obviously."

"Where's Toby?"

Glenn motioned toward the RV, "Dale's talking to her."

Maggie nodded and began making her way around him.

"Hey, could uh, can I see you tonight?"

She rolled her eyes, smiling at him, "you're seeing me now."

Maggie turned away before he could say anything else, she enjoyed teasing him.

After Rick and T-Dog came back, Toby's lesson with Shane ended and he was getting ready to leave, her confidence lifted after he remarked that she was a _quick learner_ and was impressed how fast she had got on. Before Shane had to leave, Toby was able to assemble and disassemble his Glock without any instruction, though there were times she was hesitant on the next step but she got it eventually.

Afterward Toby went on her way back to Daryl's tent to find it gone along with him. She felt her stomach lurch. She knew Daryl was leaving but she didn't think it would be more than the day. She wished he had told her but she shoved that thought away, Daryl didn't owe her anything, she just needed to keep quiet and be thankful he even let her share his tent.

Dale went up to her only a few moments of her seeing that Daryl was gone, he told her she was welcome to stay in the RV and he would let her have the bed that night. Toby didn't say anything to him, she just nodded and looked at her shoes she desperately wanted to rip off.

Her session with Shane had made her feel better, but seeing that Daryl could be gone for a while brought back what she was feeling all morning. Though, she wasn't sure what it was, she wasn't sure if she was just tired, or depressed, or both.

When Dale walked away Toby planned on taking her shoes off right then and there.

"Toby?"

Toby whirled around to Maggie.

"Hey, are you doing anything?"

Toby shook her head.

"Would you like to?"

Toby's gaze was averted to two of the cars pulling out of the driveway, leaving to go train. Then she nodded at Maggie, wanting to keep busy.

"What are we doin'?" Toby asked as she followed her.

Maggie turned her head to her as they walked, "I'm just getting dinner ready, with Beth, Jimmy, and Patricia going out to shoot I'll be on my own. Thought we could spend some time together."

Maggie narrowed her eyes a little at Toby's feet while they walked, she was shuffling along slowly. Maggie couldn't describe it, but there was something off about the way she was walking.

"Everything okay?"

Toby nodded. As she had started walking with Maggie she noticed the big toe on her right had begun to sting horribly. She didn't understand why, she tried to hide her discomfort, assuring herself she'd be taking her shoes off in the house.

As soon as they did get into the house, Toby dropped herself down to take her shoes off, she needed to see what was wrong with her toe. Toby cringed when she saw, her toenail was broken, the tip of it seemed like a regular hangnail but it started splitting down the middle.

Maggie was a few feet in front of her but noticed her expression and came closer.

"What happened?"

"I dunno." Toby reached down, the only thing she could think of was trying to rid of some of the nail. Maggie grabbed her hand in protest.

"No, don't touch it, you'll make it worse. Come on." Maggie pulled Toby to her feet and led her to the kitchen, instructing her to sit on a chair. Maggie crouched down to assess the damage done to her nail, wondering what caused it. She also noticed that Toby feet were red and slightly swollen, she saw a few blisters as well.

"This looks painful, why didn't you tell anyone?"

Toby was confused, what was she supposed to say? _I walk around a lot so my feet hurt. What would that do?_

"Is this why you don't keep your shoes on?"

Toby just shrugged, Maggie's attention confused her to no end. She didn't understand how she knew that, why would she pay that much attention to her? Maggie stood and left the room, returning a second later with Toby's shoes in hand.

"Give me your foot," Maggie instructed, when Toby held out her right foot with the injured nail she shook her head, "the other one."

Toby gave her left foot to Maggie and Maggie put the shoe on her. Toby watched her curiously and Maggie felt around the shoe for her foot, when she pressed her fingertips to where the tips of her toes would be, Toby winced slightly.

Maggie took the shoe off and looked over. She turned it around to the bottom, expecting it before noticed the sole was tearing off the shoe. Maggie pulled at it to show Toby.

"No wonder these are bugging you, they don't fit."

Toby stared at the shoes that were now on the floor, "they fit before."

"Well you're a growing girl, from the looks of them you've had them for a while."

Toby nodded, thinking over Maggie's words. So much had been going on that it never crossed Toby's mind she would grow out of her shoes, or anything else. Now, she felt a small bit of excitement whirl within her at the thought of growing taller. Her and Carl were the same age, yet Carl had a few inches on her. She knew she looked younger than her actual age, and the idea of not looking so small and young gave her something to look forward too.

Maggie excused herself, making her way to Beth's room for her nail kit. Maggie wished she'd been aware of this earlier, then at least she would've had the chance to look for shoes on her run with Glenn.

Maggie retrieved Beth's nail kit and went to the bathroom to fill a small tub of warm water. Maggie went back to Toby, placing the tub under Toby's feet and instructed her to put her feet in.

"Why?"

"I'm just going to clean your nails a bit, those blisters too. You don't want an infection."

"I can do it," Toby said quietly, she was confused why Maggie wanted to do this.

Maggie just shook her head, grabbing a hold of Toby's ankles gently and guiding them into the water. She used the soap she brought down to scrub around Toby's nails.

Taking a closer look, Maggie could see a couple of her toes were red and swollen in the corner of her nail. Maggie got the nail kit out, planning to scrap the dirt from under her nails and trim them to prevent any ingrown nails.

Toby's foot jerked when Maggie was about to start cleaning the dirt out with the small silver tool.

"Wha-what's that?"

"It's just to help me clean your nails," Maggie assured her gently.

Toby looked uncomfortable and felt unsure, but there was something about the way Maggie was looking at her that made her relax.

Maggie had a decent amount of questions for her. She thought long and hard as she continued treating Toby's feet, trying to figure out a way to bring it up delicately. She was trying to come up with the right thing to say or ask.

That was when Maggie realised; that was why it was so hard for the others, that was why no one knew how to talk to her. There just was no right way, no matter how careful or gentle you were being and what you were saying, it could still end up horribly wrong. There wasn't an easy way to bring it up, so why bother trying to find it? Why not just _ask_?

"Do you miss him?" Maggie asked as she finished cleaning the nails on the one foot, moving on to the next. "Your dad?"

Toby looked taken aback, which she was. She was distracted from watching Maggie's actions with her feet, instead looking to Maggie's face, trying to figure out why she would ask that.

"Yeah," Toby nodded, answering quietly.

"Do you want to talk about him?"

Toby thought her question over, it was something she'd never thought about. Sure, her father had been brought up, Shane talked about him, about how he was sorry. She and Daryl had the vague conversation when Merle first went missing, about if they thought they were dead. Daryl said _no one can kill Merle but Merle_ , and Toby was certain that her father was alive.

But no one ever asked if she wanted to talk about it, and now that Maggie had brought it up, Toby realised that she _did_ want to talk about him.

Toby wasn't sure how to answer. Maggie watched her expression thoughtfully. Toby looked unsure and didn't bother hiding it, she was staring at Maggie, her expression soft and nervous.

"We don't have to-"

"-I should've stayed in the car." Toby blurted her thoughts, cutting Maggie off.

Maggie looked back at her, surprised. To Maggie, that statement didn't mean much, she didn't know what Toby was talking about, she had no idea the actual events of that night. But she knew it meant something to Toby.

"What do you mean by that?"

Toby was silent for several moments, "we were goin' to Atlanta, but there was a bunch of cars so we had to stop. we waited for a really long time. Then . . . he told me to stay put . . . he didn't come back. I know everyone thinks he's dead."

"What do you think?" Maggie asked after processing the information.

"He's not dead, he's just . . . not here. I don't . . ." Toby stopped a moment, blinking her eyes as she looked away from Maggie, trying not to cry. "I don't get it. I don't get why he didn't come back."

"Hey," Maggie grasped Toby's knee tightly, in attempt to provide some reassurance. "I may not understand what your feeling, I don't think any of us can. But you have people here, you may not know them all that well, but they're behind you. So if you need anything, or just want to talk . . . they'll help."

Toby looked back at Maggie, confused.

"Take this, for instance," Maggie motioned to the girls feet, "you were in pain, you could've told someone. They would've helped. Everyone is going through a hard time right now, we all need to help each other. They care, they want to help you. And it's not just this, it's anything, _everything_."

Toby thought her words over, a look of disbelief crossing her features, "like who?"

Maggie didn't miss a beat, "like Daryl."

Toby just shook her head, "I'm just a dumb little kid, no one gives a shit."

"That's not true."

"I know it is. I know where I stand," Toby stared at her feet while Maggie lifted her feet out of the small tub. After that short while, she was finished cleaning and cutting Toby's nails.

"Well, I give a shit."

Toby scrunched her nose at this, "Why?"

"Because that's where I stand," as if to give more emphasis, Maggie stood up with the small tub in her arms and left the room. She came back only seconds later and dried Toby's feet with a towel.

"Now come on, got some work for us to do."

* * *

Toby stared down at the peeler in her hand, "what is this?"

"It's a peeler," Maggie answered skeptically, she reached and took it from Toby's hands. She did a quick demonstration, "see? Like that. You said you peeled potatoes before."

"I have. But I never used this, neither did Daddy."

"What did you use then?"

Toby hesitated then reached down to her thigh, she brought one of the knives out of her sheath and leaned over to the sink to wash it off. Maggie watched her closely. When Toby rinsed the knife off she began peeling a potato with it. Maggie watched her movement, she definitely wasn't going slow, it wasn't her first time doing it that way.

 _Whatever works for her_ , Maggie thought.

Maggie had the vegetable laid out of the table as she and Toby sat. She was planning on doing it all on the counter but after seeing the state of Toby's feet, she thought the girl would be grateful to sit down.

Maggie was peeling a carrot as Toby did the potatoes. Maggie told her to just leave the peels on the table and they's clean it up later.

"Do you miss school? Your friends?" Maggie asked.

"I don't have friends," she said simply, focusing on her potato.

"Oh come on, I'm sure you had friends, or even one."

Toby shook her head, "kids are mean. Daddy says they ain't worth the time anyway."

Maggie furrowed her eyebrows, she wasn't expecting Toby to bring up her father nonchalantly.

"I've had a fair share of bullies in my time. But it doesn't last long, they get bored, lose interest. Did you ever talk to the teachers? I'm sure they weren't that bad."

"The boy that sat behind me pulled my hair really hard. One time he cut it."

"Did he get in trouble for it?"

"No, I did for pushing him, they sent me home," Toby said. She didn't mention that the school couldn't get ahold of her father to take her home because they didn't have his number. They made her wait in the principal's office until school was out and they sent her home.

"He _cut_ your hair? And you got in trouble for pushing him?"

Toby paused her actions for a moment, "he hit his head on a desk."

Maggie's lips parted slightly, shock and concern taking over.

Toby looked up at her, noticing her expression. "I didn't really mean to do that. I didn't think if I pushed him he was gonna end up _bleedin'_ _._ I just wanted him to stop."

 _I really didn't mean for it to go in this direction_ , Maggie thought with concern.

"You know, they say that if a boy is mean to you that means he has a crush," Maggie was trying to lighten the mood.

Toby thought over the word she used, it sounded familiar, but she never understood it. She heard it a couple of times from the kids as school. "That's when . . . when someone kisses you, right?"

Maggie looked a little surprised, she didn't expect Toby to ask her the meaning, Maggie took a deep breath, planning on explaining it to her, "well-"

"-I asked Daddy what that meant. He got mad."

Maggie furrowed her eyebrows, "why would he get mad?"

Toby shrugged, "he said that he was right and I shouldn't be goin' to that school no more."

"He said that? He didn't want you going to school?"

"He said that he didn't want those little whores puttin' nasty thoughts in my head."

Maggie was silent once again staring at Toby. But this time she felt almost horrified, was everything she brought up going to blow up in her face? Toby felt Maggie's eyes on her and looked up again, taking in her expression. Toby was confused and concerned, she was trying to figure out what she did wrong.

"Oh," Toby said when she realised. "Right, that's a bad word. Sorry."

"What else did he say?" Maggie was thinking of more and more questions. Before when she wanted to do this with Toby, she thought her questions would be answered and everything would clear up. But Toby was making the list longer with everything she said.

"That parents gotta control their kids. _Children oughta know they should be seen not heard_. I don't remember it all, he went on for a while that time. I don't think he was mad at _me_ though."

 _Jesus H. Christ_ , Maggie exclaimed in her head. _Did this guy have her stuck in the fifties?_

Maggie and Toby continued preparing the food. When Toby was done peeling, Maggie showed how she wanted them cut up. Maggie tried not to say much other than about dinner, she had tried to think of something but was slightly afraid of what she would hear as an answer.

When Maggie started to finally cook, she reminded herself how lucky they were to have a gas stove. She fried the vegetables on a different pan then the potatoes, adding some different spices and such.

Toby was silent as she sat at the table, waiting. She wasn't sure what to do with herself. It didn't take Maggie long to finish.

"I'm not sure when they'll be back from training, I think Daddy's busy with something, he'll come for it when he's ready, so we'll just eat."

Toby looked up in surprise as Maggie brought two plates with the food to the table.

"Me?" Toby asked.

"Of course. You helped me make it, eat up."

"Thank you," Toby felt grateful, she was hungry. She hadn't eaten much of her dinner the night before and didn't have the chance to eat during the day. Well, she might've, if she asked anyone, but she didn't.

Maggie told her she could use the salt and pepper if she liked, which were in the centre of the table. As they ate, Maggie observed that Toby didn't reach for either, nor did she pick up her fork. She ate with her hand very slowly and was taking small bites. Maggie made a note of how the potatoes on Toby's plate were the first and quickest to disappear.

When Maggie was finished Toby still had a few bites left.

Maggie stood, "I'll be right back. I'm gonna go see if Beth has an old pair of shoes you can borrow. Next time I go into town, I'll find you something."

Toby didn't have the chance to react or say anything as Maggie walked away. _Why would she do that? They're just shoes. Why does she care so much that I have them_ , Toby silently questioned.

Maggie was upstairs for a few minutes, first she had searched under Beth's bed, but didn't find what she was looking for. She was sure Beth had an older pair of shoes somewhere, Beth always had trouble throwing things away, including clothes that didn't fit, she always wanted to keep them around in case. It was something she got from her mother.

Maggie moved to the closet, going on her tiptoes to look at the top shelf. When Maggie heard something she averted her gaze to Beth's window, seeing that the cars were back and everyone was getting out. Maggie left Beth's room, planning on asking her about the shoes.

* * *

 _ **Toby's POV**_

When I finished the last few bites of my food, I stood and took mine and Maggie's plate to the sink. I wasn't exactly sure how Maggie's dad was, but my Daddy hated dirty dishes in the sink. _You use 'em you wash 'em_. So I started to wash them so no one would get in trouble.

When I finished one of the plates I stopped what I was doing when I heard the front door being thrown open. I heard quick footsteps, someone was running in the house. The boy that often stayed close to Beth ran into the kitchen, yelling for Maggie and Hershel. I heard the name Jimmy being tossed around so I was sure this is him.

Maggie was the first to come down, "Jimmy, what is it?"

Before he could answer, Hershel came into the room, "what's going on?"

"We-We just got back, I saw it, in the field."

Hershel hurried out of the room passed Jimmy, Jimmy and Maggie followed him. A second later I heard the door open and close once again.

Confused and curious, I wiped my wet hands on my shirt and rushed after them. When I got outside I saw most of the group was gathered some ways away, passed the RV. Hershel pushed passed them to get by. I started running then, wanting to see what was going on.

When I got to the group I went around to the side of them, seeing Shane, his gun was drawn.

"You can't be fucking serious." Shane exclaimed.

I followed their eyes, Hershel had his hands out, slowly approaching a Walker. It was really skinny, its clothes were torn and barely hanging on to it's body.

Rick was a few steps in front of Shane. He turned his eyes to Shane's drawn gun, "put it away Shane."

"Be careful," Dale called out, "I don't need to tell you how dangerous a bite from one of them is."

"I've done this a few times before, you know." Hershel said, not looking his way. "They're only really dangerous when there's more than one."

"Hershel, I don't think you should-"

"-Go over there and get his attention," Hershel cut Rick off.

When Rick didn't move, Glenn went, going forward and around the Walker, "Hey, ugly! Over here."

The Walker turned around, beginning to follow Glenn. Shane began to raise his gun, Rick noticed immediately and reached out to force it down.

"Stop."

Shane shook his head, "Rick-"

"-We are guests here, this is Hershel's land this is what he wants. We respect it until we can make him see he is in the wrong."

"This isn't right, to have those things so close, and you're gonna let him add more to the collection?" At that point Hershel had gotten the Walker from behind, holding it and guiding it toward the barn.

"I get that you want to earn his trust so he'll let us stay, but _jesus_ , this is nuts!" Shane continued, "Why would you want to stay here?"

"We'll make him see-"

"-How?!"

"Now is not the time, Shane."

"Maggie! Jimmy!" Hershel called out, "go around back and distract the others while I throw this one in."

"Looks like he has his own system going," Dale commented.

I looked up at Shane, he was staring daggers into Rick. But Rick wasn't looking at him anymore, he was watching Hershel and Glenn. Shane shook his head again while running a hand over it. He turned abruptly, glancing at me as he walked away. He was really angry.

I turned away from the scene to watch him. Shane stopped only a few feet away, he seemed to be trying to calm himself down.

I stepped closer to him. I didn't understand why they wanted to let the Walkers stay there, and Shane seemed like he didn't understand either. He looked at me after a moment, as if feeling my gaze.

We stared at each other for a moment, I could tell he was thinking. Then he motioned with his hand for me to go to him. I walked toward him, as he kept motioning, wanting me to go quicker.

He turned around, walking further from the rest of the group and wanting me to follow. When I caught up to him, he put his hand to my back, he wasn't pushing but it being there left me know he wanted me to be quick.

"Screw this. Why are they okay with this? I'm not, I can't be. It's ridiculous. Those things aren't sick, they aren't people, they're dead. They want to ignore the danger and play house, fine, but I'm not doing it and I'm not letting you get wrapped up in it."

I wanted to ask where we were going but I didn't have much of a chance with his rambling. When he stopped, I waited to see if he'd say more. After a few moments, we got to the cars.

"Get in," he said, stepping away from me to the drivers side. I continued on to the passengers side, hesitant and confused. When he was in he reached across to open the door for me from the inside.

"Let's go, we don't have much daylight left," he said hurriedly.

I looked back to the group who hadn't noticed that we had left. I got into the car and closed the door. Shane started the car and put it into gear.

"One day they're gonna be putting one of those assholes in there and they're all gonna come flooding out. And what if that happens if neither me or Rick is anywhere nearby?"

"Where . . . Where are we going?"

"Target practise. You're learning how to shoot, _today_."

* * *

 **Yay! it's finally done, let me know what you think! Feedback is appreciated, and let me know if you have any ideas or suggestions -Penn**

 **Tumblr: TobyJustGone**


	20. Nostalgia

**I've been accepted into the Broadcasting: Television, Radio, and Film program at Niagara College! I'll be starting in September. I'm really nervous and excited. When school starts I'll be busy and once again, chapters may be even more delayed. So I'm hoping to finish as many chapters as possible and bring Merle back quick. Don't worry, I hear your pleas, I miss him too.**

 **Nostalgia**

"Hold it steady, just like that. You'll get this, it takes time, but you'll get it."

Shane was standing behind me, one of his hands were on one of my arms, helping me hold the gun up. His other hand was placed over mine on the gun. I was looking through the sight of the gun, Shane's head was behind mine, I guessed he was trying to do the same.

I wasn't sure how long we'd been there, but it was starting to get dark, and I hadn't hit anywhere near the target.

When we first got there, Shane cursed himself and smacked the steering wheel in frustration. Apparently, he was so angry at the time he never thought to get another gun for me. So for the time being, just like when I was disassembling, I was using his. I wondered why we didn't go back, or just wait another time so I had a different gun. _Why would he let me waste his ammo?_ I didn't ask though. The good thing about it was that Shane kept an extra box of bullets on him. I didn't ask him why he did that either.

Right before we started was when Shane realised I wasn't wearing my shoes. He started to tell me that I should keep them on but I told him that they didn't fit. To my surprise, he said the same as Maggie, that he'd try and find something when he got the chance.

"Just gotta squeeze the trigger, don't jerk it. You'll feel a little kick."

I clenched my teeth, holding back from saying, _I know_. He put his finger on mine and together we pulled the trigger. The bullet hit the metal can on the fence post we were aiming at. The can flew off the post.

"See? You did it."

" _You_ did it," I said, lowering the Glock. My arms were getting tired, it was a heavy piece, "that was you."

Shane didn't respond as he walked over to the fence to reposition the can.

"Alright fine, you do it."

When Shane was back behind me I lifted the gun and pulled the hammer down, loading a bullet into the chamber. Shane put his hands on my shoulder, steadying me as I pulled the trigger and felt the kickback.

I sighed in frustration, having no idea where that bullet went. _Good thing I didn't pull the trigger back at the quarry, I probably would've hit Daryl._

"Yes you can, you just have to keep trying."

"I have been!" I said loudly, almost yelling.

"Not hard enough."

"I'm just wastin' ammo. If I couldn't try hard enough with daddy why do ya think I could with you?"

I was looking down at my feet but I knew Shane was looking at me.

"What do you mean by that?" He said after a while.

"I dunno how else to try," I muttered

There was a long pause before he spoke again, "your dad, he took you shooting before, right?"

"Yeah. Gave up cause I wasn't learnin' anythin'. Said I wasn't tryin'."

Shane lowered himself to me and I turned to him. I didn't want to do this anymore, at first I was excited, thinking I'd finally do it. Then when I saw Daddy again I could show him, but there I was again, screwing it up. I couldn't hit a target to save a life.

"That's why you can't do this," he told me firmly, his expression serious. "Because you know you can't. You have to want it, you have to see it. Know that you'll blow a hole through that tin. Or else we're doing this for nothing. You want to get this right?"

I nodded hesitantly.

"Then _act_ like it. You keep trying, you're not giving up. I get it, this isn't the ideal gun to train with but we're not gonna get anywhere with any gun when you got this attitude about it. You hear me?"

"I . . . I dunno." I said honestly, confused.

"You gotta want this," he said, looking me in the eye.

"I do."

"Show me, make me believe it. Again."

I sighed, trying to relax myself the best I could. I took a deep breath, like Shane had been telling me. I took my time, getting the target in my sights. I took another breath and squeezed the trigger. It missed.

"You're too tense," he observed. "You're waiting for the kick, I get that. But you can't be afraid of it, relax, let it happen. Let it help guide the bullet. Kickback ain't your enemy, don't fight it."

I looked back to the target, processing his words. The gun felt so heavy and my arms were getting so tired. But there was something in the way that Shane pushed, how he wanted me to hit the target, that kept my arms up.

I followed Shane's direction, remembering and taking in all that he told me in the lesson. This time, relaxing much more, waiting to let the kickback take over. I thought about how the kickback would raise the gun slightly so I didn't point at the target, but much lower.

"You got this, kiddo."

I pulled the trigger and followed Shane's instructions. Afterward I lowered the gun, staring at the fence post in disbelief. Shane stood up straight, walking over to it. I took a few steps forward, just to see it better. No, I didn't hit the target, but even with how far I was, I could see the new marking in the fence post, just a few inches below the can.

Shane stood beside it, pointing to where the bullet went and giving me a smile. I couldn't help but return it, pride and excitement filling me.

"I told you! You got this!"

After Shane got out of the way we continued. I didn't hit the target but with every few shots we saw wood chips flying off the post. By the time Shane said we should go back, I had that post practically mutilated.

"I was talking with Rick this morning, well actually, fighting with him. Was trying to make him see that you and Carl should be out there with us, practising."

"They ain't gonna let me," I said, "it's 'cause I aimed a gun at you."

Shane actually laughed a little, "they're gonna have to get over that, I did. At the time you thought it was the right thing. That you were protecting someone. Rick, Hershel, all of them need to start seeing it isn't how it was before. But they won't let it go, that's why Hershel keeps the dead in his barn and that's why the others don't want you to shoot. They think you don't need to. It's nostalgia, that's what it is."

I was watching his expression as he drove, listening to what he was saying. I wasn't sure what it was but suddenly, I felt at ease with him. On the way here I was nervous, and wasn't sure if I should ask to go back. After shooting I felt a lot different, and found myself hanging on to every word he said. It was a different pace than with Daryl, Shane told me what he thought, what was on his mind. While Daryl was quiet and had no interest in sharing his thoughts. Unless he was angry and wanted to call someone an asshole.

"What's that mean?" I asked.

"Nostalgia?" He glanced my way quickly before putting his eyes back on the road. "It's like . . . everyone back at the farm, they're all stuck in the past, because they want to be. Before the dead started walking. They want to remember the happy times and stay there. It's like being homesick."

I thought it all over. _If they wanted to be in the happy times then why keep the Walkers in the barn? Pretending would be a lot easier if they were gone._

"It's like a drug," Shane continued. "Keeps people from seeing things the way they are. That's a danger, especially when you have people depending on you."

I turned away, looking out the window. We were passing by more and more fields like ours at the farm, and very far in the back was where the forest was. We passed a few Walkers and I wondered if Shane would stop the car to take care of them. I didn't ask and he didn't stop, I guessed he didn't care about them.

"I'm proud of you. You did really good today," Shane broke the silence. "You made a lot more progress than I thought you would. More than some at practise today."

"Really?" I said in disbelief.

"It didn't go too well today, mostly with Hershel's people. Glenn didn't do very good either, but he's getting it."

 _Wow_ , I thought, _so I'm not the only one that sucks at this._

"I don't doubt you'll get the target the next time we go. I'll be talkin' to Rick when we get back, he needs to see that you kids need this. I'll focus on Carl, he may get the point quicker that way. And once Carl gets the okay they can't very well tell you no."

I didn't really understand his plan, but nodded nonetheless. I looked out the window again, I felt myself smiling as his words rang in my ears.

 _I'm proud of you._

Rick was striding toward the car just as soon as Shane had it parked, he didn't look happy. He told me to go and that he'd take care of it. I got out of the car and rushed passed Rick, wanting no part in what was going to be said.

The sun was almost entirely gone. I wasn't sure what to do with myself, I felt a lot better than I did that morning. I kept walking and looked around, wondering if I should just go in the RV. I glanced over at the porch and saw Carl was there sitting on a chair.

I swallowed, thinking hard before I started toward him. I walked up the steps, there was a lantern placed beside him so he could see better. I pressed my lips together anxiously, the closer I got to him the slower I walked. Soon enough I sat in the chair next to him, the table with the lantern between us.

Carl lifted his head from the comic to meet my eyes. He gave me a small smile, it looked forced, like he was unsure. I racked my brain, trying to think of something to say. _Do I apologize? I wasn't very nice to him today. He's nice to me and I just ignored him._

I opened my mouth and closed it. I didn't know what to say and it felt so awkward, my stomach churned with anxiety. I realized I was afraid he might be mad at me.

Then I heard his voice, I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't noticed he looked back to his comic and started to read. He tilted the comic my way slightly so I could see.

I felt myself smile. I brought my knees up to my chest, listening intently.

* * *

 _I looked around and saw nothing, no RV, no house. I took a step forward only to stumble back._

 _I looked down to see what I stepped on to see it was an arm. The arm was attached to a body, from what I could tell it had been a Walkers. When I looked back up, they were everywhere, but all lying on the ground._

 _The bodies weren't the only thing I noticed. There were walls around me, wooden panels. There was hay everywhere. I went to the closed doors, which were very large. I pushed on them, they went forward only a little before bouncing back. I pushed again, see between the doors there were chains. It was chained shut from the outside. I knew it would be pointless but for some reason I couldn't stop myself from pushing and banging on the doors._

 _Then I heard the groans and shuffling. I turned around, to see the Walkers were getting up. At first I thought they'd come for me, but their attention was diverted to something else. Someone else._

 _I stared at the man who was suddenly standing in the middle of all the walking corpses, all of their attention was on him. It took me a few seconds to recognise him, he was holding a shovel and wearing his cap._

 _"I'm okay," Jim said, in a calm voice, "I'm okay."_

 _The Walkers got closer and Jim did nothing but stare at me, he didn't even swing his shovel to try and stop them._

I jolted up, my chest felt tight tight and I struggled to breathe for several moments. I looked around, it was dark and I had no idea where I was. When I was finally able to suck in some air, my eyes adjusted to the darkness. After a few minutes of looking around frantically and shaking, I remembered where I was.

That was one of the worst parts about being away from home, every so often I had to sleep somewhere else, making it harder for me to know where I was when I woke up. At least at home, I always woke up in my bed.

I was in the bed of the RV, I tried to refuse Dale earlier, figuring he or someone else would want the bed but he wouldn't have it. I caved to get away from him honestly, I felt embarrassed. I knew that he had been there when Carl told his dad that I couldn't read, and it was Dale's books that I was pretending with. Fortunately, he never brought it up.

I got out of bed and stretched, I needed to get out, I needed air. I pulled back the curtain that separated the back of the RV from the rest. Guillermo was in a sleeping bag on the floor, and Dale was on the couch.

I stepped around Guillermo, being as quiet as possible and snuck over to the door. I slowly turned the knob, when the door creaked I looked over but they were still sleeping.

Once I was out I took a deep breath, closing my eyes in attempt to relax myself. The details of the dream were becoming blurry. When I opened my eyes I began walking around the RV. I stood at the end, where the bumper was and stared off into the distance at the barn.

A feeling of dread flooded my thoughts as I stared at it, thinking about what was inside. I thought about the nightmare, how for some reason, I was inside with Jim.

 _Jim_. I let out a shake breath, guilt tangling into my feeling of dread. I hadn't thought about him for a while, probably because I didn't want to. He saved me, and then ended up getting bit. Though I wasn't sure if he got bit before or after he helped me, it didn't ease my thoughts at all. I sighed, leaning against the bumper of the RV. I felt my insides jump when I heard a sound, I turned to the direction I heard it. It was the sound of the front door of the house. I watched as Maggie closed the door behind her slowly and began to make her way down the porch steps.

I wasn't sure why I did it, but before I could think more on it I ducked around the corner of the RV so I wouldn't be seen.

I watched as she slowly walked away from the house, looking behind her every so often. I doubted I really needed to hide, considering how dark it was. Maggie disappeared into the darkness as she approached the shed near the chickens.

I narrowed my eyes in confusion then decided to follow. I took my time getting there, looking back every so often, wondering if anyone would see me. I went over to the shed, and I began to hear noises, I thought I heard Maggie say something, then I heard a very soft banging.

I went to the door of the shed, wondering what she was doing there at night. I peered into the shed and froze at what I saw.

It was darker in the shed than outside, but I could just barely make out the figures. It took me a few moments to piece together what I was seeing, and even then I wasn't sure. Maggie was on the table-shelf-thing that was mounted to the wall, the one Shane and I disassembled his Glock on. Her legs were up and wrapped around who was in front of her, the other person seemed to be pushing her repeatedly. It was hard to tell at first because I couldn't see his face, but it looked like Glenn, I'd seen and become familiar with his figure.

They were both breathing heavily, Maggie's head was against his shoulder, I could just make out her face since it was directed at me. Her eyes were closed, her face scrunched up. Her expression looked . . . _pained_.

Fear crept up on me and I abruptly turned out of view so I wouldn't be seen. I stood out there, listening to them as my mind spun. _Do I stop him? Why would he be hurting Maggie?_

The fear made my legs feel weak as I remembered a similar situation back at the CDC. I hadn't really seen what Lori and Shane were doing, because his back was to me, all I saw were Lori's legs on either side of his hips.

 _Just like Maggie._

I remembered how mad Shane had gotten when he saw me, how he chased me down the hall. He'd never been so mad at me. Then him and Daryl ended up getting into a fist fight, and I still didn't know what I'd done wrong. That's what stopped me, I wish it hadn't but I couldn't get myself to move. I heard Maggie let out a sound that sounded somewhere between a whimper and a groan.

I felt my insides cringe, I felt like I was supposed to do something but fear quickly clouded my mind as I stepped further from the doorway, still leaning against the shed. I jumped at the sound my foot made as it crunched a pile of dead leaves.

"Did you hear that?"

If I wasn't sure it was Glenn, his voice confirmed it. Not caring if I made anymore noise I rushed around the corner of the shed so I wouldn't be seen.

I imagined Glenn peeking out the doorway when I heard him say; "I don't see anything."

I felt like I couldn't breathe, I kept thinking back to the CDC with Shane and Lori, and what Lori had said to me the next day when trying to explain it.

 _Sometimes men do things._

Then without any hesitation, I ran. I ran as fast as I could back to the RV before I got caught.

I ran around the RV, trying to think if I should go in or not but I stopped in my tracks. There, standing a few feet from the RV, was Guillermo, he turned my way, hearing my footsteps. I scrunched my eyebrows, confused at why he was there. We stared at each other for a long time before he turned away.

"Couldn't sleep with all the screaming," he muttered.

I looked around before my eyes flicked back to him, listening. After a few moments of silence I tried to form a sentence, telling him I didn't hear any screaming.

"I . . . I-I don't hear anythin'," I stammered, still attempting to calm myself from what I'd seen.

Guillermo's head snapped back in my direction, he looked startled, "what?"

"N-No one's screamin'," My eye were wide and my chest still felt tight as I struggled to take in breaths. I had no idea what was going on.

"Screaming?" He echoed back blankly.

"You said you heard screamin'," I said back, my voice a little stronger as it was laced with confusion and frustration.

"I said that?" Guillermo's eyes left mine but he didn't turn away, " _me estoy volviendo loco_."

Before anything else could be said, though I doubt he had anything more to say, I bolted into the RV. Not caring if I woke Dale up I rushed to the back and pulled the curtain closed so quickly I swore I almost tore it off the rod.

I backed away from the curtain and sat myself on the bed. I brought hands to my head and lowered my head onto my lap, trying to make sense of everything, all the while, just one thought echoed through my mind.

 _What the fuck is happening?_

* * *

I didn't sleep the rest of the night, but after a while I did lay down. I laid awake for hours until finally passing out around dawn. When I woke up again, the sun was high. I wasn't sure what to do and Daryl still wasn't back, so I went and found Carl. He was sitting in a chair by the fire pit, I took the chair next to him and he greeted me. I tried my best not to think about last night, using Carl and everything possible as a distraction.

I heard some raised voices and glanced over at Rick and Lori, who weren't that far away.

"They've been fighting all morning," Carl told me. "I heard Shane talking to my dad about letting me shoot. He said yes after a while, but mom doesn't like it."

I stared at Lori and Rick, trying to hear them.

"I know. I have my concerns too, but-"

Lori cut Rick off, "-there's no but. Sophia was just shot. She hasn't even woken up and he wants a gun?"

"Better than him being afraid of 'em. We have guns for a reason, he should learn to handle them safely."  
"I don't want my child walking around with a gun. It's bad enough we let Toby walk around with knives."  
I sighed and glanced at Carl, "why do people always gotta bring me into shit?"

Carl rolled his eyes and shrugged.

"He's growing up. We've got to start treating him more like an adult." Rick said loudly.  
"Then he needs to act like one." Lori argued, "he's not mature enough to handle a gun."  
Carl stood, I almost grabbed onto him to stop him from interfering, but I didn't.

"I'm not gonna play with it, mom," he swallowed nervously and glanced my way before continuing, "it's not a toy. I'm sorry I disappointed you, but I want to learn and I want to defend our camp. I can't do that without a gun."  
"Shane's the best instructor I know. I've seen him teach kids younger than Carl." Rick assured.

Lori put a hand to her forehead, breathing in deeply as she shook her head before walking away.

For a few moments, no one said anything. Rick broke the silence as he gave Carl a firm look, "you will take this seriously and you will behave responsibly."

"I will, dad."

Carl came over to me with a big smile on his face after talking to Rick.

As he took the seat, I asked, "so, we're goin' with them to practise?"

"You too?" he asked.

I shrugged, "Shane said if they let you, they gotta let me."

"That makes sense I guess. Did Shane say anything about me? I don't think he likes me very much anymore."

I shook my head, thinking it over, "I don't think he likes anyone right now."

As the time passed by, I found my eyes wandering to Glenn every so often. I was careful he didn't notice me watching. He didn't seem any different, in fact he seemed rather cheery as he spoke to the others in the group and carried on with his tasks. I wondered about Maggie, tempted to go into the house and see her.

 _Is she okay? Should I have done something? Should I tell someone?_

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to think of something, anything else. I hoped we could have the gun lesson soon, I needed that distraction.

* * *

Target practise was awful. I may not have expected to hit the target, although I hoped. I thought I'd at least get close like I did before. But I didn't, I didn't even hit the fence post the tin can was standing on.

Shane stopped by me every so often to try and help, whether it be my posture or the way I was holding the gun. I didn't like the gun either, sure it was smaller, perfect for my hands and training, but something about it really irked me. It held a lot less than Shane's gun, and was so much lighter. I thought I'd be happy about how light it was, Shane's gun got hard to hold after so long. Then there was the recoil, I barely felt it with this gun, compared to Shane's.

Everything about the situation was uncomfortable, the group, the cautious glances I'd get every so often, the gun, and Carl.

Carl was the star pupil. He didn't get it quite at first, but as we neared the end of the lesson; every few shots he hit the target dead on. Most of them were cheering him on and congratulating him, especially his father.

It didn't even piss me off so much until I saw how happy Rick was for him, I don't know why it bugged me. I just wanted to get this, I wanted to show them all I could do it, like I showed Shane.

Obviously it wasn't happening.

I didn't think it would get much worse after arriving. After handing everyone their guns and loading them, the looks I got were unmistakable. Me and Carl got ours last, no one batted an eye at him, but once I got mine, they wouldn't stop staring. That made me want to do this right all the more, but again, it wasn't happening. None of them wanted me here, the only one that was interacting with me was Shane. I got a weird side-eye stare from Rick every so often, but he never said anything to me.

"Don't worry about them," Shane told me when he caught me looking at them once, "focus on your target."

The more time passed, the more time Shane spent near me. I waited for him to instruct me, show me what I was doing wrong, and he did a few times. But then he stopped. I kept glancing at him, to see he was either looking at me or my target. When my eyes met his, his expression was soft and concerned.

 _So much for him being proud_

Every second there were either bottles shattering or shots going off, I don't know why I didn't expect the whole thing to be so loud, there were a lot of us.

"Okay, everybody!" Rick called out, "that'll do it for today, start gathering everything up."

I sighed, lowering the gun I had. Rick came toward me and Carl, clapping a hand on his small shoulder and began leading him toward the cars.

"Great job, son, you're doing just great. I'm so proud of you."

I looked down at my bare feet.

"Hey, Rick. Me and Toby are gonna hang back," Shane divulged. I turned to him surprised, __he's really not sick of my bullshit yet?__

"Are you sure? You think that's a good idea?"

"Sure I do, gonna give her some extra time. We'll meet you back soon."

"Don't be too long," Rick quipped as he walked away with Carl.

"Hold on," Shane told me, "gonna grab some more ammo from the bag before they take it back."

Long after the others had left, Shane was refilling my gun for the eighth time. He usually made me do it myself, but this time he insisted on it. He lowered himself to one knee when he refilled it.

"Maybe the sights off," he said, raising the gun and taking the shot. I lowered my head in shame as he knocked the can off the post. He gave me a puzzled look before handing the gun back to me.

After shooting a few more times, Shane shook his head at me, "you were doing so good. What's going on? The others getting to you?"

I shook my head. Honestly, they were a bit, but I was able to push them from my mind once they left. It had nothing to do with them.

"I told you last time, you have to want to hit it, know you can-"

"-I am," I promised, looking him straight in the eye this time, "I swear I am. I just . . . I don't . . ."

So badly I wanted to toss the gun to the ground and walk away, but I couldn't. I wanted to shoot that can so bad, I wanted to feel that burst of purpose Shane gave me after mutilating that fence post. The feeling Merle gave me when he first taught me how to sink my knives.

I took a deep breath, breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth. I took my time aiming, focusing before pulling the trigger, but I missed. I tired to stay relaxed, about to try again before he stopped me.

"Hold it, stop," Shane was standing now. "Hand it over."

 _He's finally annoyed and done with me_ , I thought.

I kept looking down as I handed him the gun. I waited for him to say something, but instead, he had held out his hand, holding his own gun in my view. I looked up at him in confusion.

"Take it, try again."

Hesitantly, I took the Glock from him, staring at him while I did it. As if waiting for him to change his mind. I felt the familiar weight of the gun as I wrapped both hands around it, raising it to meet my target.

I didn't do any different with the first two shots, but the third sent splinters flying off the fence post just under the can. I looked up at Shane grinning, and he returned it before nodding at me to continue. So I did, I got the fence post almost every time.

"I think we found your strong point."

After a few minutes, I emptied his gun.

"I didn't bring spare ammunition for mine this time, didn't expect to be using it. Think we've done enough anyway, let's get back."

The ride was silent for a while. I kept imagining the moment when I'd finally hit my target. I wasn't as good as Carl, but maybe I could be with practise.

"I know it bothered you," Shane said suddenly. He glanced at me, one of his hands on the wheel, as if checking to make sure I was listening. "Everyone there. And before when we left."

I looked down at my lap, Shane was referring to when we were all leaving for the gun lesson. Some were surprised to see Carl was finally allowed. But when Shane said I'd be coming too, Rick tried to argue. They didn't fight, but Rick tried to change Shane's mind. They talked and disagreed for almost ten minutes before they finally let to go and let me join. When Rick said it was alright for Carl to join, the group was hesitant but trusted Rick's decision, when I was mentioned, they tried to find every reason to say no.

Shane told Rick where he'd taken me last night, that he was teaching me without consent. Rick was unhappy about it. Then he became even more unhappy when Shane gave him a choice.

" _Either you let her come and train or I continue to train her myself. Either way she'll be holding a gun. Take your pick._ "

I couldn't help but smile when I heard that, he was really determined to get a gun in my hand. I wanted that determination, maybe I had it, because I did want to hit a target. I just wasn't brave enough to speak up.

"They don't like me so much," I said, which was fine, since that incident with the gun and Lori, I hated being around everyone. But Shane, he was talking to me, he was teaching me how to shoot. I had no right to be mad at him. And maybe I had no right to be mad at the others, but I just couldn't stomach being around them afterward, everything was so different from home. Any type of contact someone had with me was so foreign and weird. Even when I think of the others that weren't around for it, like Glenn and Dale, I just didn't want to do it. I didn't want to do any of this.

Maybe once I learned to shoot, I could leave, maybe I could find Daddy, go back to the quarry. Maybe, if I got there, he'd be right there waiting for me.

"It isn't that," Shane objected. "You're just the odd man out, same as me."

I looked up at him, raising an eyebrow.

"Figure of speech," he said. "I just mean you're cut off, uninvolved . . ."

"I'm a kid. It's supposed to be that way," I stated.

"Is it? I get where you're coming from, you understand your place and made your peace with it. But your place has _changed_. Take a look around, at how things are now. Your dad isn't here to call the shots for you, I am. I know you noticed, they let Carl train with a gun, no problem, soon as Rick gave the okay. And what happened when I gave you a gun?"

"They didn't like it."

"You don't have a parent to okay everything you do. That isn't going to sit right with people, you understand? They don't want to let you do things because they don't want to be responsible for it. Nobody wants to step up and take care of you themselves, but I do. You know that by now right?"

I stared at him, I felt ad and confused by all of it. But nothing he said seemed to be wrong, "but why?"

"Me and you, we're treated the same way, everyone's always going to try to take the gun out of your hand. These folks, they want to play house. Pretend that what's happening around them, isn't happening. You see the danger in that? They want to pretend they know what they're doing, let me tell you something, they bound to get us killed."

I watched his expression. Everything he said made me even more angry, not at him but at the others. _Why shouldn't I be treated the same as Carl? Just because he has both his parents and I don't have any means I'm tossed aside and rendered useless? At least Daddy tried to teach me how to be useful, I doubt Carl could hit a squirrel in the eye with a slingshot._

 _Can't brag about that much, you can only do it within a few feet, I reminded myself._

"Daddy says that people who don't know their place need to be knocked on their ass."

He smiled and gave a little scoff, "is that your recommendation?"

"Someone'll get bit by a Walker, they'll get it then," I said with a shrug as he looked at me with a concerned expression. "Bound to happen, nothin' only happens once."

"Your dad say that too?"

I shook my head, looking out the window, "my mama."

* * *

When Shane and I pulled into the driveway, the only thing on my mind was that I needed to pee. But the sight of an unfamiliar car sidetracked me. Tied to the hood was a buck. I widened my eyes at the sight of Daryl's back, he was talking with Dale.

I guessed that when Daryl finally found and killed the deer, he found himself a car so it was easier to take back.

Daryl turned around, hearing Shane's car pull in. I hopped out, Daryl's eyes squinted in confusion at the sight of me and Shane getting out of the same car. I started to feel a little excited, wanting to tell him I was getting a better handle on a gun. I was about to go over to him when Shane made me stop.

"Hey," I turned to him, his hand ghosted over my shoulder. Almost as if keeping me close but also giving me space.

"You'll hit that target soon. And once you get the hang of it we're going to try moving targets. We'll get you to position where you can defend yourself properly. Your small and you don't have a lot of muscle, that makes it hard if you get cornered by a Walker. That's why we'll keep up the training, and soon you'll have nothing to worry about."

I nodded my head and he took his hand away. I looked back toward Daryl to see he was scowling. With the distance I couldn't tell if he was looking at me or Shane.

Seeing Daryl's expression caused the excitement of his return to drain out of me, and suddenly, I wasn't too keen on talking to him and felt nervous.

 _He doesn't want to talk to you anyways_ , I told myself.

So I started to walk and decided to just go pee, my bladder wasn't going to let me hold it any longer. I walked passed Daryl and Dale, keeping my head down as I went toward the RV. I walked around and kept going until I got into some more forest area and went behind a tree.

Once I finished emptying my bladder, I gripped the waistband of my pants to pull them down. Without thinking about, I looked down, I wasn't even sure why I did, there was no reason too. But I did, and just as I was going to pull my pants up, I saw something that made me stop.

I saw something on the inside of my thigh. At first, the brownish colour almost made me think I had somehow gotten mud there. I even reached for it about to try and brush it off, then I stopped my movements once again, noticing two more things. One: the brown colour had a reddish tint, two: it had legs.

I knew what it was, it wasn't the first time I had one on me, but it didn't ease the fear creeping up on me. I had no problem with bugs, but this was a whole different thing in my mind, I wasn't sure why I was so terrified of them. Even Daddy scolded me more than once to that it wasn't a big deal and I could pull it off myself.

I tried, sort of, I couldn't get my hand within an inch of it before I kept freezing up. I was even shaking slightly.

 _You're such a freaking baby._

I stayed there, squatted still, for what felt like forever as I stared at the inside of my thighs

 _If you need help, just ask for it,_ right? That's what they keep saying. And if they get mad at me for being a baby about this, then I know better for next time.

Slowly, I stood and pulled my pants up, trying to stay calm and not cry. I left my pants undone and just pulled my shirt over so it wasn't as noticeable.

I walked around the RV and glanced around. Daryl, Rick, Shane, and Dale were all together, conversing by the cars. I definitely didn't want this to be announced to an audience so I kept looking, mentally shaking my head at the sight of Guillermo. I had to also keep in my mind that it was much too high up my thigh to just roll my pants up, to get someone's help I'd have to take them off.

I saw Glenn and decided not to go to him, especially with the events from last night. But that reminded me of Maggie. She's the one that said to ask if I needed something right? Maybe she'd help me.

 _Worst comes to worst you grow a pair and rip it off your damn self._  
After fighting with myself a little longer, I strode toward the house. My legs were stiff and I moved slowly, I wasn't sure why I thought walking fast would make it any worse.

When I was in the kitchen I saw Hershel. He was sitting at the table with a book laid out in front of him. He lifted his eyes to me, giving me a skeptical look.

"Is there something I can help you with?"

 _Yes. No. Maybe . . . just not you. Wait, isn't he a doctor? No, stop, you don't need a doctor for this._

He raised his eyebrows at me when I didn't answer, "well?"

I opened my mouth, but it still took awhile to get anything out, "Maggie?" I hoped with just her name I could get my question across, though my voice came out much higher pitched than I intended.

"She's in her room," he told me.

I stood there, confused and thinking about it as I stared at him.

"Upstairs," he added.

I gave a quick nod and started to look for the stairs. And just as I reached the top I ran into Beth.

"Hi," she smiled brightly, "what're you doing here?"

"Maggie?" I said once again.

"Oh, she's in her room, there," she pointed. Then she went around me to go down the stairs.

I walked over to the open door, swallowing the lump in my throat.

Maggie's back was to me, she was standing over her bed which was made up of several piles of folded clothes, on her right side was a laundry basket full of clothes that weren't folded yet.

I stood there for a minute or two but she didn't know I was there.

"Maggie?" At that point it was the only word I could manage I was such a nervous wreck.

Maggie jumped and spun around to me, clutching her chest, "Oh! Toby, you scared me. What's up? You bored? You came just in time to help me finish folding all this."

She smiled, and turned back to the laundry. She looked pretty happy. I had to wonder about the last night, she didn't look hurt, and she wasn't upset. That confused me further, but I had to focus on what I came to her for.

"Oh, and I found some rain boots for you. It was all of Beth's I could find, and they're still going to be big . . . but it's better than nothing. I'll look for something else once I go into town, I promise."

After a few moments she turned back to me, noticing I hadn't moved.

She searched my expression, "are you alright?"

I hesitated, once I actually had to vocalise the issue, I felt much worse. I was embarrassed and scared, but I felt like I really needed help. I didn't want to do this myself and I wasn't sure I could.

"Toby?" She said, concern lacing her voice and expression.

"You . . . you said that if I-if I needed help . . ."

Maggie nodded, indicating that I didn't need to finish that sentence as she turned around, giving me her full attention. "Yes, if you need help you just have to ask."

"I need help."

"Okay, of course. What do you need help with?"

I fell silent, looking down at the spot on my thigh.

"I can't help if you don't tell me what it is," she said softly.

I hesitated, I opened my mouth, trying and failing to get it out. I took a deep breath and said it quietly, taking my time so it came out clear, "I have a tick."

Her expression softened to one of understanding. "Can you show me where it is?"

I pointed to where it had attached itself under my jeans.

"Have you told anyone else?"

I shook my head.

Maggie thought this over for a moment before turning around. She lifted one of the folded pile of clothes and placed it on top of another, clearing a space. She instructed me to sit on the space she cleared on her bed, I did as she said.

Maggie left the room but came back fairly quickly with her hand gripping something.

"I know this will feel uncomfortable, but can you pull your pants down? You don't have to take them off, just . . . show me where it is."

I hesitated for a long time before I started to comply. Maggie placed whatever was in her hand on the floor then kneeled in front of me. I looked down at my legs, wondering if I had pulled them down enough for her to see, once I did I stopped and she leaned over to look.

"I'll get it off quick don't worry, got a trick my mom used to use whenever me and Beth got one." Maggie reached down to what she dropped, it was a small box. I watched as she opened it and pulled a match out.

I furrowed my eyebrows, "what's that for?"

"It won't hurt you, promise. I'm going to burn the bastard off."

I stared at her incredulously, not believing her, "daddy just used tweezers."

Maggie shook her head, "I'd rather not, sometimes they burrow their head in and if I just pull it out the head would get stuck. That'll be painful to get out."

I watched as she lit the match, but then to my relief, she blew out the tiny flame. "Hold still," she told me, bringing the match down onto the tick, the flame was gone but it was glowing with heat still.

I looked away, not wanting to see it. I was surprised when Maggie told me she was done, I'd barely felt a thing. She had the tick wrapped up in tissue and left to dispose of it. I was suddenly so relieved and took several moments to just breathe.

When she came back, I'd already pulled my pants up, "thank you."

"Your welcome. Is it okay if I check for more?"

Then my relief was gone. I barely heard Maggie as she continued, saying if there's one there could be another, and so on. I had a mental battle with myself before nodding. She wanted to check my legs first, so hesitantly I pulled them down. Though I was more at ease than before, grateful to her for the help.

She checked my neck and scalp next. She told me how she'd gotten one behind her ear before but they didn't find it until it was already the size of a grape.

The next few moments weren't too bad until she started pulling up the side of my shirt, to which I jumped back a few feet.

"I just need to check your armpits, and your back. They like to go where it's warm. I'll be quick, just like before. You have nothing to worry about, you can trust me."

I swallowed nervously, thinking it all over. Once again I began fighting with myself, on the one hand I wanted to be rid of the bloodsuckers, I wanted to know for sure I didn't have any more. On the other hand, I'd face embarrassment once Maggie saw how bad I'd been. She was so nice to me, I liked her, and she seemed to like me. _Would she stop liking me if she saw? Would she tell anyone else?_ Sure I'd voiced that I'd been bad before, but no one in the group knew to which extent.

 _Face embarrassment or live with bloodsuckers that live off of me?_

I looked at her and nodded, the rest of my body motionless. I took off the blue over shirt I had revealing the red shirt underneath. Maggie lifted both my arms, only looking on the underside near the armpit, not seeing the cigarette burn marks.

She turned me a little and lifted my shirt from the left side, looking briefly before moving. I held my breath as she lifted the shirt up more off my back.

I heard her sharp intake of breath, I guessed that meant she saw. I wasn't sure what to do, so I didn't do anything, I just wanted to know there weren't any ticks.

"What is this?" She finally said, her voice unsteady and barely above a whisper.

She didn't say anything else after asking that. I knew she was staring, no longer looking for ticks. She just stood there, holding the back of my shirt up. Finally, I pulled away from her abruptly and turned around so she couldn't look anymore.

I backed away a couple feet, trying to make as much distance between us as possible. I could feel the heat rise to my cheek as I clenched my jaw shut. I was feelings so many emotions at once I wasn't sure which to go with.

My eyes met hers and her expression was no help, she looked horrified. I started backing away more toward the door, I was planning on retreating, she must've of noticed.

"No, Toby. Don't go." Her eyes left mine and she looked down. Her eyes flickered around, as if searching for something to say. "Let's forget about the ticks for now, let's just talk-"

I had planned to stay calm, I tried. I just felt so overwhelmed, I wasn't sure what made it worse, the look on her face or the unsteadiness in her voice. I felt I had no control over my body as I ran out of her room before she could finish her sentence.

* * *

 **And there you go. Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews! Let me know what you thought of this chapter!**

 **Thank you to Rasha007 who helped so much, especially with the last part. And looking it all over.**

 **How're you liking Maggie with Toby?**

 **Miss Daryl yet?**

 **What are you thinking of Guillermo?**

 **Tumblr: TobyJustGone**

 **For those who don't know, this story is available on Wattpad. Thank you for reading! -Penn**


	21. Instinct

**I think this is my quickest update yet! Me and Rasha007 worked together on this first scene and it turned out fantastic thanks to her.**

 **Sorry it's a short chapter, but I think it's a good one.**

* * *

I heard the footsteps, at first I thought it was from inside the barn, but then I noticed how even they sounded. Daryl came around the side of the barn, glancing my way. I looked him up and down, he was an absolute mess, not that that was anything new for him. But he was a literal bloody mess, there was dried blood up his forearms and plenty on his shirt, the stickiness of the thick liquid made it stick and flatten against his stomach. He had some smears on his face. He'd been working on the deer he hunted down.

"Been lookin' for you. The hell you doin' over here?" he asked, coming toward me.

"Don't you gotta take care of your buck?" I asked him, not understanding why he'd look for me when he's busy. The barn hadn't been my first choice to hide out, but I figured there was a bigger chance of being left alone if I was somewhere no one wanted to be. It'd worked so far, the sun was setting, I'd been gone for hours.

He shook his head, "did just 'bout all of it already. T-Dog and some others gonna take care of butcherin' the meat. I did most of that too, shouldn't be long before they start cookin'."

I looked up at him curiously, "you're not gonna do it?" It was odd to me, him not taking care of his own game. That was one of Daddy's rules; _your kill, your responsibility._

He shook his head, "Maggie talked to me."

I didn't understand what that had to do with my question, but I swallowed thickly. "What did she say?"

"I think you know."

I narrowed my eyes a little, "I don't . . . The tick?"

"Yeah, cause that's why you're hidin' out here next to the Walker infested barn," he scoffed loudly. "You had a tick."

I looked away, pulling myself off the ground, I turned to walk away. _Why is he even talking to me? He definitely doesn't sound like he wants to._

I only got a couple steps before Daryl stepped in front of me. I was looking at my feet, not paying attention so I walked into him. I lifted my head to him, his expression was blank so I fought to keep mine the same.

"You know," he said after several long moments, "my pop and yours coulda' been drinkin' buddies, assholes seem to have the same hobby."

"Huh?" The questionable sound escaped my lips, I wasn't able to form a question since I didn't understand what he even said.

Daryl was silent again, his eyes left mine to look down. I followed his eyes to see him grasping the hem of his shirt. Then he turned slightly, lifting his shirt a few inches to show me the start or possibly end of a thick white scar that must've travelled to his back. I didn't see much more of it because he quickly pulled his shirt down.

Turning my head back up to him, I was no longer able to keep my expression blank, and neither could he apparently. He was looking down at me with a soft expression, frowning, something in his bright blue eyes seemed oddly dark.

"You were bad too?" I croaked out after some time.

"Used to think so. Turns out I wasn't the bad one. And neither are you."

Once again, his words took me by surprise and I didn't understand them. I opened my mouth, trying to form a question but failed. Once again, the need to get away from situation was overwhelming. I tried to go around him but he stepped in my way again.

"We need to talk about this."

"Since when do you like talkin'?" I blurted. He said before I could stick around him if I was quiet, so why would he want to talk so badly?

"This ain't what I want to talk 'bout either. Really don't. But someone has too. Christ," he sighed, running a hand over his head in a way that reminded me of Shane.

He thought for a moment, before blurting, "you ever see Rick and Lori beatin' on Carl every time he does somethin' stupid?"

Not understanding why he would ask that, I just shrugged.

"It's a yes or no question," he said, sounding slightly annoyed.

I thought about it, "no."

He nodded his head, lifting his hand to point at me briefly. As if giving me some sort of praise, "exactly, cause it ain't what parents do."

"It ain't my business to see," I said sharply, feeling a little aggravated for some reason, "ain't no ones but there's."

"Okay," his expression was wiped clean. His features tensed slightly, "ya ain't wrong. But that don't mean they've pulled the belt on him."

"So?"

" _So_? It's just not what's done. Not the way it works. Why you think no one's beatin' you now? After some of the shit you've pulled."

"Because I'm not their business?" I said automatically.

"No, because adults aren't suppose to beat kids bloody!" He retorted, obviously becoming frustrated.

 _What is happening right now? Are we seriously fighting? Is he stupid?_ "No, it's 'cause I'm not their kid. They don't give a shit. I don't get why we're talkin' 'bout this. Why's it matter?"

"Fuck if I know," he grumbled out.

"Is Maggie mad at me?" I had to ask, I'd been wondering it ever since I ran away from her.

" _Enough_. I'm sick of this bullshit, no one's mad at you," he said angrily, leaning toward me and jabbing a finger in my direction. "Every single time somethin' happens, you think you're in trouble. You're not. That shit on your back, it ain't normal." He moved his finger to point at one of my arms, "same as that. It ain't normal and it sure as hell ain't okay."

"You're mad at me now," I pointed out.

"I'm not mad at you!" He yelled. And just as he did, the Walkers inside the barn started banging and snarling. He muttered something under his breath I didn't catch and walked further away from the barn. I followed him until we were about ten feet away.

He turned back to me, his expression stern, "You don't see Carl gettin' beat 'cause it straight up doesn't _happen_. Not 'cause it ain't your business. It didn't fuckin' happen. That isn't how a father is supposed to treat their kid. You should be head over heels he didn't come back for you."

His words felt like a punch to the gut. At first I was thinking hard on his words before, trying to figure out what he meant by all of it. But once he mentioned Daddy that was all I could focus on. _He didn't come back for you._

No, that's not what happened. _He got stuck somewhere, or he's lost. Daddy doesn't get lost. But things are different now, nothing is as easy as before, dead people are trying to eat us. He's probably already been at the quarry but now we're gone._

"Yeah, I'm head over heels that the only person who cares about me couldn't get back to me." I grumbled, because that's what it was. It wasn't that he didn't get back to me, it was that he _couldn't_.

"He didn't come back 'cause he didn't give a shit. Same reason why you were gettin' beat on. Don't matter how bad you think you were, you don't deserve that shit." His eyes never left mine as he continued in a quiet voice, "Neither of us do."

I turned away from Daryl, but didn't leave. I couldn't look at him anymore. I'd never been so mad at Daryl, or wanted to get as far away from him as possible. _He's stupid, he doesn't know what he's talking about. He's just pissed because he was bad and had to pay the consequences, he just didn't know his place._

 _Yeah, that was it. Had to be._

I tried thinking over what he was telling me, but I didn't understand, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to.

"You hearin' me?" He interrupted my thoughts.

After a moment, I gave a nod, concluding that if I agreed, the conversation would be over.

"I hear you . . ." _I hear you. Don't understand you but I hear you, along with everyone else on this farm._

He sighed, sounding relieved, "good."

Apparently he wanted this conversation to end too.

Once again we're both quiet for a long time. He was looking around after a little bit before asking, "why the hell is no one on watch out here? Ain't that the deal? Rick or Shane's s'posed to be out here, they got the guns."

I shrugged, "they had target practice with everyone earlier."

"Don't explain why neither of 'em are out here now. Whatever, c'mon let's go, it's gettin' dark and I need to get the tent up. Otherwise we're sleepin' in the dirt."  
I nodded and followed him back to camp. He already had his things where he wanted them, I noticed it was oddly a lot closer to camp then before, more specifically closer to Lori and Rick's tent. I helped him set up the tent, though he didn't need it, I think he just let me so I wasn't just standing there waiting.

When the tent was up I went to go get my backpack from the RV, when Daryl left he'd given Dale my bag. It was at the back of the RV by the bed, Guillermo was sitting at the table inside. On the way out, I stopped beside Guillermo. He looked up at me, I opened my mouth to say something, but ended up leaving. I went to put my bag in the tent but stopped abruptly, a question popping into my head.

I looked over at Daryl, who was going through his bag.

"Am . . . am I stayin' with you?"

He looked over at me, confused, as if not understanding my question. He looked back into his bag, "go unroll the sleepin' bags."

 _That's a yes then?_ I went into the tent with my bag, doing as he said. By that time, they'd already begun cooking the meat.

Carl had been walking to his tent when he saw me and came over.

"You ever gonna give your dad his hat back?" Daryl asked as he walked by him, Daryl was going to clean up and then help the others with the meat.

"No, it's mine now." He smiled, adjusting his hat.

I smiled a little, forgetting how difficult things were for a few moments. "You look like a cowboy."

"It's a sheriff hat."

"You can be both."

Carl had one of his comics in hand and asked if I wanted him to read it. I nodded and we sat outside of Daryl's tent as he read out loud. He'd already read that one to me before, but it was one of his favourites and we didn't have many in the first place, so I didn't complain.

It didn't take long for it to get dark, and when it got so dark Carl was squinting to read the words I told him to stop. Luckily dinner was ready then, I was really hungry.

Me and Carl both stood, we both started toward where the food was but I stopped when Carl kept going. I watched, as all of the group gathered around the fire. Hershel had brought out paper plates, everyone was together, talking as they got their own share.

I knew Daryl had been over there, but it was strange to see the others interacting with him. Some were thanking him, acting impressed.

This was unappealing to me, I didn't want to go there when everyone else was. It made me nervous for some reason, and suddenly, I didn't feel so hungry. So I just sat back down.

A few minutes later, Daryl walked over, at first I only saw his shoes because I wasn't looking up. He sat next to me crossed-legged, placing a paper plate in front of me. I looked up at him, he was already chewing his food, he was eating before he sat down. Daryl was clean then, well, cleaner then before, the blood from his face and hands were gone.

Daryl didn't bring any utensils, not that I cared. I just ate with my hands like him.

"That buck took five bolts 'fore goin' down." Daryl told me. I was a little put off, surprised he was still talking. He didn't usually talk too much. He went on to explain how long it took to find it, and how long it took to take it down. Then he had to fight a couple Walkers for it. He didn't think he'd make the walk back to the farm with it while fighting the Walkers, so he found a nearby car.

"What were you doin' with Shane earlier?" He said thickly, his mouth was full.

I thought about his question, remembering how he'd seen Shane and I get out of the car.

"Target practise. He's teachin' me to shoot. Convinced Rick to let me and Carl go with them now."

"Why'd you get back later than the rest?" he asked before taking another bite.

"Cause I suck, he wanted me to keep tryin'."

"It ain't goin too good then? With the gun?"

"It's goin'. I'm better, but not good."

We ate a little more before he broke the silence.

"Did you stay with him?" He wasn't looking at me, he was staring down at his plate as he took another bite.

"Huh?"

"Shane," he said, still not looking at me. "While I was gone. You stay with him?"

"No, Dale let me have the bed in the RV."

He nodded, finishing his food he stood up to get more.

He didn't say anything else as he finished his second plate. When I finished, I went to put my plate where everyone else was putting theirs when they finished. Daryl was still eating so I just went inside the tent, I felt exhausted.

Daryl came in a while later, settling down into his sleeping bag. It was silent between us, I didn't want to talk any more. I felt conflicted, I was angry at him from what he was saying from before, but I was also happy he'd let me stay with him again, and that he'd brought dinner. Not to mention how much he talked to me, I didn't think he liked me. When I first started to talk to Merle, I was sure Daryl hated me. So that day was an odd development for me.

He asked me if I wanted the flashlight and I shook my head no, before turning my back to him. I thought about bringing up what I saw with Glenn and Maggie, but I wasn't sure how to say it, and I'd probably just get in trouble if he knew I saw. Maggie looked fine when I went to see her, though she wasn't so fine after seeing my back. I thought about just asking her about it.

I replayed the talk, well fight, between me and Daryl earlier in my head over and over. Trying to make sense of it, but it all just seemed odd and irritated me, like I was missing something. Soon enough, I fell asleep.

* * *

I slept in pretty late the next day, or so it seemed like. I was only awake for an hour or so before the group got ready to leave for target practice. Daryl, Guillermo, and Lori stayed behind. Rick and Lori had another spat before we left, which was nothing new.

"Damn it, Lori, will you stop? He's safer this way."

"Is he? How can you be so sure? He's twelve years old for Christ's sake! This is not a good idea, but I guess the end of the world means I've no longer got a say in parenting my own son."

I was glad she was staying so we didn't have to hear any more. I was also glad I was riding with Shane and not the rest of them. I didn't understand why they were even still fighting about it, Carl could already handle a gun and hit targets, so isn't it a moot point?

I was once again given the small pistol for training, Shane gave me the bullets to load it myself.

"I'm sure you know and understand that gun work is serious business," Shane looked over to see if I was listening and I nodded. "Even if you do everything right; accidents still happen. You always think before you pull the trigger, you think fast but you think. Know the consequences. Never fire a weapon unless you have a very good reason."

Training with Shane was a lot different than training with Daddy, he wasn't constantly correcting me. But if he had to he gave me another option, things that could work better for me specifically. He showed me a few ways to hold the gun until I felt more comfortable. But I still hadn't hit the target or even the fence post.

Shane didn't stay with me the entire time of course, he was alternating between me and the others. After a while passed I had the rising suspicion it was almost time to pack up, it felt like a long time had passed.

Shane was beside me, straightening my elbows slightly when we were both distracted. On the other end of the line of shooters, was that boy; Jimmy. Some had stopped shooting to congratulate him.

He'd hit his first target apparently.

From what I'd overheard about him, and what Shane told me, the boy had never held a gun before he started training. I wasn't sure if I was disappointed or angry. I couldn't remember how old I was when Daddy first started teaching me how to load a gun, but for this guy, who'd never held one before to get the target before I did? How did that even happen?

I lowered my arms. Then looked at Shane who was crouched beside me. We stared into each other's eyes, I could tell he was thinking.

"Is it time to leave soon?" I asked. I just wanted to leave.

He pressed his lips together and rubbed his head before answering, "no, not for you."

Before I could stay anything he stood up and took his Glock out of his holster, I watched as he flicked the safety off and then took the gun from my hands before replacing it with the Glock.

"You got this." He said, "shoot."

I took a deep breath, once again taking my time to aim with his heavy gun before pulling the hammer back and squeezing the trigger. Nothing. Once again, I took a deep breath, making sure both my eyes were open as I looked through the sight. I breathed out just as I squeezed the trigger.

At first, I heard the bottle shatter, but I thought it was someones else's target, but then I saw mine was gone from the post.

Some of the others stopped shooting to glance over, a little surprised. Carl praised me and looked like he was excited for me. Rick praised me as well, but stared at the gun in my hands with confusion.

I heard him call Shane over after he gave me a new target. I didn't pay attention to what Rick wanted him for and I continued shooting. I didn't hit the target every time, but most of the time it was either the target or the post.

When everyone packed up to leave, Shane decided that we'd stay. Even though I could finally hit the target, he wanted me to keep at it. Which I didn't mind. After I emptied the gun three more times, Shane decided we should go too.

"Think we're gonna have to get you one of these," he chuckled, motioning to his gun in my hand. "You're doing so great, once you get a little better, we'll work on moving targets."

"Movin'?" I glanced up as he took the gun from me, he was reloading it before we left.

He nodded, "bottles and tin cans are one thing, easy to hit what isn't moving. But taking down an assailant, one that's trying to kill you. It's different."

I watched his concentrated expression as he spoke, his eyes on his hands as he loading the bullets.

"They say in that kind of situation _things_ _slow down_ that's crap, they speed up, adrenalin," he laughed a little, shaking his head. "It'll cripple you if you let it. You need to use your instinct. You got to rule it out. Because _somebody_ is going to die, and you better hope you're the one who's making that decision."

My forehead creased, "decision? Deciding who dies?"

"Not always. But it could happen, and if you have to choose . . ." His eyes met mine, and he suddenly became hesitant.

"How do you choose?" _Why choose?_ Was what I wanted to ask, but then I thought about it. I thought about Andrea, Jacqui, and that Doctor. They chose to die themselves when they could've escaped with us, but they didn't. _Why did they choose that? How did they choose that?_

Shane's eyes became glossy, "Turn off a switch. _The_ switch."

When Shane was done reloading he clicked the safety on before putting it into his holster as he began to walk. I followed him, speeding my steps so I walked along side him I stared at his face, still trying to read his expression. He seemed very concentrated, but sad.

"The one that makes you scared or angry, sympathetic, whatever. You don't think, you just-you act. Because odds are somebody else is counting on you, that's your partner, that's your friend. There ain't nothing easy about taking a man's life, no matter how little value it may have. But when you get it done, you have to forget it . . . I guess I haven't quite got that last part down yet."

He stopped at the driver's side of the car, putting his hand against it instead of opening the door. He wasn't looking at me.

"You killed someone?"

He glanced at me, his eyes were more shiny than glossy at that point. I knew the answer.

"It was a bad guy, right?"

He stood up straight, turning fully to me, "no, I didn't kill because I was doing my job. He wasn't a bad guy. It was . . . I'm not a cop anymore."

"Oh," was all I said. I wondered about who he killed, why he did it. I wanted to ask but I knew better, he'd tell me if he wanted to.

"One day, you might find yourself in a situation where . . . you have to be ready for what needs to be done." He continued, "Walkers, or even people may want to hurt you, or someone else. That's why I wanted to teach you how to shoot. You can protect yourself and others with this skill. And having this skill can give you some power, the power to choose. Yourself, or them."

"Them?" I repeated, attempting to process his words.

"This _them_ may be someone dangerous, someone who wants to hurt you. Tell me this, you got a Walker cornering you, you gonna kill it, or let it kill you?"

I didn't hesitate, "kill it."

"See? Just like that, now think of that Walker as someone _alive_ , someone dangerous. You understand? It's not that different, I'm not saying it's easy, and it will affect you in a much different way. Killing those things, almost nothing to us now, we know they're already dead, they're nothing. But a person, a breathing person . . ."

"A bad guy. Like the people that Guillermo was scared of? Where we found him." I tried to confirm, remembering the nursing home and how we found it.

Shane nodded. "People came and killed the ones living there, took everything they had. That's why I wanted you to learn, even if the others don't like it."

Shane motioned his head to the other side of the car, signaling me to get in. I walked around the car and once I was in Shane started to car.

"Toby."

Sitting in the passenger seat, I looked at him.

"If something ever happens . . ." he was talking slowly, as if making sure I absorbed every word. And with the way he was looking at me, I did exactly that. "If you have to make a choice, I want you to remember that the right choice . . . Is the one that keeps you alive."

I turned away, looking out the window as he started to drive. Most of the drive I thought all his words over, trying to piece it together, he didn't say a word to me the whole ride. Once Hershel's house came into view, I started to feel excited, I couldn't wait to tell Daryl I could finally shoot. He probably wouldn't care that much, but I still wanted to tell him. I kind of wished he'd gone to target practise too, so he would've seen.

As we turned up the driveway Shane finally spoke, "what're they doing?"

I saw Daryl and T-Dog, both of them had a shovel and were digging a few feet away from the pile of rocks that was Otis' grave. Shane pulled up the car and stopped it, usually he parked the car closer to the back of the house. We both opened our doors to get out.

"T!" Shane called, "what's the shovel for man?"

T-Dog looked at Shane with a gloomy expression before looking down at the shovel, "Sophia."

* * *

 **Let me know what you guys thought of this one! Sorry it was so short.**

 **Tumblr: Tobyjustgone**


	22. Infected

**Infected**

 _ **Third POV**_

Carl was cradled in his mother's lap, sobbing as she comforted him. They were sitting in a chair on the porch, Toby was on the chair next to them, a small table between them. Lori was crying as well, though not as much as Carl, she was trying to keep it together for him, for Carol.

Toby wasn't crying, she was sitting in her chair, trying her best not to look over at Carl as he cried. Her expression was blank, but this time, it wasn't to hide an emotion she was feeling. She wasn't sure how she felt, maybe a little sad, but not much else. She didn't even want to be sitting there, the only reason she was there was because Shane told her to sit there while he went inside. She didn't have many other options, Daryl was digging out front with T-Dog, and she didn't want to just stand there while they dug a grave. She thought about going to hide out in Daryl's tent, but she couldn't get herself to move. So she stayed put, hoping to get some instruction from someone.

All the excitement and pride from hitting her first target had vanished, there was no point in telling Daryl, especially at that moment. Everyone was focused on Sophia and Carol. If Toby listened hard enough, she could hear Carol's loud coming from inside the house sobs over Carl's.

Meanwhile, in the house, Patricia, Maggie, and Dale were in the kitchen. Patricia and Maggie were putting food and drinks together for the others, and for Carol of course. They weren't sure what else to do and didn't want to be doing nothing. Dale was there to offer them his help, when they refused it, he returned to Shane and Rick who were in the living room.

"I can't believe this," Shane exclaimed. "Two days, he's known for two days that she wasn't going to make it. Why the hell didn't he tell us?"

"Carol knew, I suppose that's why she hasn't spoken to us. And why she hasn't left that room. It wasn't for him to tell us, and Carol wasn't ready." Dale defended as he took a seat on the couch. They could all hear Carol crying from the other room, she still wouldn't leave Sophia's side.

"The hell it wasn't his job to tell us. After me and Rick risking ourselves for the medicine and equipment to keep her going. Where is he anyhow?" Shane asked.

"Upstairs," Rick answered, "he needed a moment."

" _He_ needed a moment?"

"He did a lot for Sophia, Shane. More than any of us could've done. He put a lot of work into trying to make her better." Dale said.

"Carl's devastated," Rick said out loud.

"He and Sophia were friends, it's expected." Dale glanced at Shane, "what about Toby, how'd she take the news?"

Shane sighed, "I'm not too sure yet. She didn't say anything but the news was a shock. I'll check on her in a bit."

"She's more likely to confide in Daryl," Dale pointed out matter-of-factly. "When he's done out there I'll ask him to talk to her."

Shane narrowed his eyes, not liking what Dale said at all. Which Dale knew, it was why he said it. Dale hadn't trusted Shane at all since arriving at the farm, he was growing suspicious of the younger man. He'd noticed that Toby had been around him more and more, and she didn't look as uncomfortable as she used to be. This bugged Dale a great deal, he wasn't able to find out exactly what had changed in Shane, that was why he wasn't comfortable with the young girl being around him. He considered going to Daryl about it, but now Sophia was dead, and they could only focus on one thing at a time.

Dale sat, While Rick and Shane stood, all in silence. They listened to the sound of Carol's cries down the hall.

"I thought . . . I was so sure she was going to wake up." Dale said sadly.

"We all were," Rick stated.

"Because that's what we were told," Shane said through clenched teeth.

" _Shane_ ," Rick warned. "Stop this. Not now, _please_."

Shane glanced at Rick after running a hand over his shaved head. His expression became softer, apologetic, "I know. You're right, I'm sorry. I just . . . Kept thinking we'd see her walk through that door and it would be the same as before. I feel horrible, I wished we could do something for Carol. I don't know what to say to her."

"Nothing," Dale advised, "for the time being anyway. She's a grieving mother, she needs her time and space to be just that. We'll make matters worse otherwise."

Rick nodded in agreement.

"Poor woman," Dale continued sadly. "First her husband, now her daughter. She's suffered enough losses."

"Ed wasn't exactly a _loss_ ," Shane remarked.

"Loss or not, Carol is-" Dale was cut off by a scream that pierced through the air. Without another word they ran into the hall, Carol came out of the room slamming into Shane. She was hysterical, screaming and crying. She would've fallen to the floor if Shane wasn't holding her up.

Hearing the screams, Maggie and Patricia came out of the kitchen and into the hall.

They were at a loss for only a few seconds, before seeing Sophia in the hall with them. Only it wasn't Sophia.

Sophia's skin was grey, there were dark bags under her eyes. Her teeth were bared as she snarled, trying to get to them as quick as she could, she was only slowed down by her stumbling. Her eyes were bloodshot and her irises had turned to a dull yellow colour.

Carol cried out for her daughter, her screaming and crying grew louder as Sophia approached.

All men stood there in shock, confused and a bit frightened. Rick without a doubt knew what he was seeing, he tried his best to push the shock aside and he pulled out his gun and shot Sophia.

After Sophia was down, Carol watched her body for several moments before pulling away from Shane. She continued to cry and sob as she went down to the floor and crawled toward her daughter's body.

There was loud footsteps from the floor above them, they bounded down the stairs.

"What is going on?!" Hershel was furious, he was gone for only minutes and a gun had been fired in his home.

He stopped when he saw Carol hunched over her daughter's body. Blood was pooling around Sophia's head. Hershel's fury only grew at the sight of Rick's gun in his hand.

"What did you do?! You've killed her!"

"Hershel, no-" Rick's explanation was cut off by the front door being thrown open. T-Dog and Daryl rushed in. T-Dog had dropped his shovel somewhere while Daryl brought his, brandishing it as a weapon.

"What in the hell . . ." T-Dog mumbled, seeing Sophia and Carol.

Shane heard footsteps behind him, he turned to see that Lori, Carl and Toby had left to investigate the gunshot as well. Toby was in front of both of them, like she was the first to rush in.

"Lori, get the kids out of here," Shane told her.

Lori was shocked. She wasn't sure how to put the scene together. Carol was lying over her daughter, crying out. Sophia was bleeding from a hole in her head, and her husband was holding the gun.

"Lori! Get them out!"

Lori seemed to have snapped out of it, pushing Carl away. When Toby wasn't following she reached forward to grab onto the girl's arm. Toby flinched back so much in surprise she jumped against the wall.

"Toby, go with Lori, now." Shane gave her a pleading look. Toby stared at him blankly for a few moments before her eyes went back to Sophia and Carol.

"Toby, get out!" Daryl yelled from across the hall. Toby looked up to Daryl, quickly glancing at Shane before following Carl and Lori out of the house.

Hershel had a wild and furious look on his face, "What have you done?!"

"I-I had to," Rick attempted to explain.

"You killed a child!"

Rick's expression became angry and he rounded on Hershel, "I would never-"

Dale stepped in, in hope to stop Rick from saying anything to make it worse. "-Hershel, she was dead. Sophia died. You said so yourself."

"She turned. She was one of _them_." Shane added.

"She's a little girl!"

"She's dead!" Rick argued.

"You murdered her!"

"This doesn't make a damn lick of sense!" T-Dog yelled out. "When was she bitten?"

Rick tore his glare away from Hershel, "she wasn't."

"Woulda turned days ago if she was, wouldn't'a lasted this long." Daryl said in a rather calm voice. He didn't see a point in adding any more to the yelling.

"GET OUT!" Hershel roared, "I want you all of out my house! Get out!"

Rick tried one more time to reason with him to no avail, Hershel continued to yell. Even Maggie began to push them out. All but Carol rushed out the back door.

"This doesn't make any sense," T-Dog said again when they were outside.

"What's going on?" Glenn wasn't that far away from the porch. Guillermo was behind him sitting on the ground. He'd heard the gunshot but hadn't gotten into the house in time.

"The hells wrong with him?" Daryl asked, motioning toward Guillermo. Guillermo was sitting on the ground, his knees up. He was holding his head as he shook it profusely.

Glenn shrugged, "I don't know, we heard the gunshot, he freaked out. It was worse a second ago, I think he's calming down. What happened? Who shot?"

"Rick shot Sophia." Daryl said.

"What? Why?" Glenn asked, confused. He knew Sophia was dead, he didn't understand why Rick would shoot her.

"She was a Walker." T-Dog said quietly, trying to figure it out himself.

"She was bit?" Glenn questioned.

Maggie walked down the porch steps toward Glenn and explained what happened. Everyone listened, even the ones who saw, as if making sure that was what actually happened.

Toby glanced at Carl as he wiped a few fresh tears from his face. She contemplated going over to him, but just ended up looking away.

"We're all infected," Rick said when Maggie was done explaining.

"What?" Lori asked, stepping forward.

"We're all infected," Rick repeated, avoiding her eyes.

"What the hell does that mean?" T-Dog questioned, "we're all infected?"

Rick rubbed his eyes, "at the CDC, Jenner told me. Whatever it is, we all carry it."

Shane's eyes were wide, "and you never said anything?"

"Would it have made a difference?"

"You knew this whole time?!" Shane shouted.

"How could I have known for sure? You saw crazy that mo-"

"How could you keep that from us?" Glenn stared at Rick, a look of betrayal on his face.

"I thought it best that people didn't know."

"That wasn't your decision to make!" Shane shouted at Rick's face, before stepping back and turning away from them. Those watching would've assumed he was about to walk away, but unexpectedly he spun back to Rick and punched him in the jaw.

Rick stumbled back in surprise, almost falling to the ground.

Shane had a wild look of anger on his face, he stepped forward, looking as if he would hit him again. Lori ran forward to her husband, examining his face before glaring at Shane.

"What is wrong with you?!"

"Me?" He said to Lori. "You can't tell me that wasn't something you'd want to know."

"Everyone just calm the hell down," T-Dog said. "What's done is done, no use fighting over it. And to be honest with you, think I would've rather lived the rest of my life not knowing I was gonna be one of the rotting pricks."

Lori glared at Shane, as if silently daring him to punch Rick again.

Shane turned away and walked a little. He didn't go far, he just needed to be away from Rick. He was incredibly angry, at Rick, at the Walkers, at the world.

"So it isn't the bite that turns you," Dale realized.

"Bite just kills you," Daryl said after a few moments. "Don't matter how you die."

T-Dog shook his head and sighed before turning around. He began to walk up the porch steps.

"Where're you goin'?" Daryl watched him, confused.

"Getting her out of there, bring her out front. Can't just leave her like that."

"I'll come with you," Rick said and started to follow T-Dog. Maggie rushed from Glenn to stop in front of Rick.

"You can't!" She protested. "Not you. My dad already wanted to kick you people out, if you go in there after that it's only going to make it worse. Just stay away from him."

"She's right," T-Dog said. "Besides, Sophia's little, I don't need help. Just meet me out front."

"I shouldn't have done it," Rick said as T-Dog went into the house. "I shouldn't have shot her."

"And done what?" Lori asked in a low voice. "Take her to the barn like the others? You couldn't leave her like that. Think that would do to Carol . . . to the kids. You did the right thing. If you hadn't of done it, someone else would've."

Shane looked away, much too angry to say anything. Lori's mention of the barn caused him to glance toward it, only to see he wasn't the only one eyeing it.

Toby was a few feet away, her back was to him, she was staring at the barn. At the sight of her, he felt his anger begin to dissipate. He noticed that her feet were no longer bare, instead she was wearing a pair of yellow rain boots that were much too big for her.

Shane didn't say anything as he went over to her, he stood beside her and looked at her face.

"I get scared sometimes," she confessed, not looking up at him but knowing he was there. "That they'll get out and make us like 'em. Like they did to Amy and Jim."

"I wouldn't let that happened to you. We're doing what we can to make sure they won't get out of there."

Toby didn't give any sign she'd heard him, instead she continued. "Doesn't matter I guess, if we're all sick. If we're already like 'em. Don't matter if they get out."

Shane shook his head, "we're not like them."

"But we're gonna be right? When's it happen?"

"Sophia was dead when it happened. It's only if . . ." He stopped himself by saying it would only happen if she died. "You're not going to wake up one morning and just be like them. It's not how it works."

Toby glanced up at him, her expression was sad, her bottom lip stuck out slightly as if she was pouting. "You don't know that." She looked away from him.

Shane crouched down, "hey, hey, look at me."

Toby didn't move. Shane reached forward to her cheek, turning her head so she'd look him in the eye. Surprisingly, she didn't flinch or pull away.

"It won't happen. I promise I would never let that happen to you. I'm here, I'm beside you. Remember that."

She blinked and thought it over before nodding.

"You're a decent shot now, so that door swings both ways," he forced a small smile.

Her eyebrows furrowed, "like not lettin' it happen to you either?"

"That's right, as long as we have each others backs, we'll be fine. We have a deal?" Shane took his hand from her face and held it out.

After a short hesitation, Toby grasped his hand and they shook as she nodded.

Toby looked away, back toward the barn. Shane noticed how she didn't let go of his hand right away.

"Do you think they can smell?"

Shane narrowed his eyes as the corner of his lips lifted. He wasn't sure he'd heard her right, "what?"

"The Walkers, can they smell?" she questioned, finally pulling her hand away.

He gave a small laugh as he stood up, "Uh, I'm not sure. Why would you ask that?"

"They smell really bad," she said simply. "I just was thinkin' if they knew it or not."

Shane let out a real laugh. She looked at at him with an impassive expression, as if not getting what was so funny.

"So where'd you get the boots?"

"Maggie. They're hot though." Toby thought over explaining when Maggie came to her as she sat on the porch after hearing about Sophia. But decided it would take too many words.

"In this weather? Yeah, I'm sure they are."

* * *

While the others were outside, T-Dog was in the house. Sophia's body was in the hallway still but Carol was gone. As he got closer he could hear Carol's sobs from somewhere. It sounded like she was in the bedroom.

Before doing anything, T-Dog glanced in the kitchen. He wasn't sure where Hershel was but he looked there first and found him sitting at the table.

Hershel turned in his chair, hearing his footsteps.

"I've just . . . I'm gonna take her," T-Dog stammered out. He meant to go inside and ask Hershel's permission, not wanting to cross any more lines. If that was even possible.

Hershel just nodded and looked away.

When T-Dog got back in the hallway, Patricia was there. She was holding a folded white sheet, holding it out to T-Dog. They're eyes met and both gave off apologetic expressions. It was as if Patricia was apologising for their loss, while T-Dog was apologising for how it happened. He felt bad considering how hard they worked to make Sophia better.

T-Dog took the sheet and Patricia left. A few minutes later, T-Dog had finished wrapping Sophia's body in the sheet. He'd hated all of it, staring at her body, the feeling of moving it. She was so small and frail. He took in a deep breathe, trying to suck it up. He didn't want anyone else to have to do it.

As he lifted Sophia's body, Patricia showed herself again. She didn't even glance at T-Dog as she passed him to get to the kitchen, not even noticing or caring she'd stepped in Sophia's blood and was trailing it.

"Hershel! I need you."

"Carol?" He questioned.

Patricia only nodded and Hershel stood from his seat, following her into the hall.

"What's going . . . okay then." T-Dog attempted to question what was going on, but they ignored him and hurried passed. T-Dog shook his head, cursing himself for his stupidity. Carol had just lost her daughter, and then her daughter came back to life and tried to eat her, of course something was wrong with her.

T-Dog gently lifted Sophia and began to carry her to the front yard. Rick was already out there, he had T-Dog's shovel and was digging. Daryl and T-Dog weren't finished digging when they were interrupted by the gunshot. T-Dog slowly put Sophia down beside the grave.

"I'll go get Daryl's shovel."

"Don't," Rick stopped him. He stopped digging for a moment to look at T-Dog, "I got this. If you could . . ."

"What do you want me to do?"

"The blood. In the house." It was all Rick could get out, he had the urge to go and clean it himself, Hershel or Patricia shouldn't have to be the ones to do it. But like Maggie had warned, he didn't want to agitate Hershel more.

T-Dog nodded, "I'll take care of it."

"Thank you. Did Hershel say anything while you were in there?"

"No. I let him know I was there, what I was doing. But he didn't say anything."

"This'll cost us with him. Sophia was the whole reason he was letting us stay. He wanted us gone as soon as she was on her feet. Now she's . . . he thinks I killed a child."

"We'll figure it out," T-Dog tried to assure him. "We always do."

T-Dog left Rick once he started digging again. Instead of going into the front of the house he went around, planning on meeting back with the group. Just as he reached the back, Dale walked up to him.

"How was Hershel?"

"Fine, I guess." T-Dog answered. "He didn't say anything."

"You doing okay?" Dale asked, noticing his anxious expression.

"Rick asked me to go take care of the blood. And I-I don't know if I can. Not after her body."

Dale thought it over before nodding. "I'll do it. You've done enough. Sit down, relax a minute, or try to."

"You sure?"

"Carol shouldn't have to see that mess again." Dale turned and walked up the porch steps

T-Dog sighed as he watched Dale go into the house. He was grateful that he wouldn't have to do it himself, but he also felt guilty for having Dale do it. T-Dog went over to the group, he expected them to be talking the news over, or possibly even fighting about it. But instead, they were all quiet.

He realized there wasn't much to say anyways, he definitely didn't have anything to say. The fact that no matter how they died, possibly unless it was a blow to the head, they would end up being a Walker. They were all terrified by the news.

T-Dog heard footsteps and the sound of metal clanking together. He turned to see Shane walking toward them from the direction of the cars. He was holding the gun bag in one hand and a rifle in the other.

"Whats all this?" Daryl walked up beside T-Dog, pointing at the gun bag Shane was carrying.

"Sophia just attacked her own mother. I don't know what other proof that man wants, but frankly, I no longer care. Those things are not _sick_ ," Shane held out the rifle he was holding, "you with me, man?"

T-Dog barely glanced at the rifle before taking it, "yeah."

"What about you?" Shane asked Daryl, holding out the gun bag.

Daryl thought it over before taking the bag and giving Shane a nod. They may not have been fond of each other, but they had a mutual understanding.

Daryl carried the bag over to the group before putting it down. When Daryl put it down, Shane bent over and took his Mossberg 560 out of the bag. Daryl then took another rifle out of the bag, his crossbow was in his tent, and the gun would be quicker.

Glenn looked them over, confused, "I thought we weren't allowed to carry?" Maggie was standing beside him with a frightened expression.

"We can and we have to." Shane told him. "Now look, it was one thing standing around picking daisies when we thought this place was supposed to be safe, but we know it ain't."

Holding his Mossberg in one hand, he bent over to take a handgun from the bag, holding it out to Glenn. "How about you? You gonna protect what's yours?"

Glenn looked at the gun Shane held, before glancing at Maggie who shook her head at him. Wordlessly, Glenn took the gun.

"That's it," Shane gave him a nod of approval before turning to Maggie "Can you shoot?"

"Can you stop? You do this, you hand out these guns my dad will make you leave tonight."

"We can't leave!" Carl spoke up. He was sitting on the porch steps beside Lori. "We have to stay, Shane."

"Why are you doing this?" Lori asked angrily.

Shane ignored Lori, stepping closer to Carl. "We're not going anywhere, okay? Now, look, Hershel . . . He's just gonna understand, okay? He's gonna have to."

Shane went back to the gun back, bringing Carl back a small pistol. "I want you to take this, you take this and you keep your mother safe. You do whatever it takes, you know how, now go on. Take the-"

Lori grabbed the gun before Carl could, standing up from the stairs. She was seething with anger. "Rick said no guns. This is not your call. This is not your decision to make. "

"We're ending this, Lori."

The only ones who were disagreeing with Shane's plan were Lori and Maggie. Though Shane was sure Dale and Rick would take their side, if they were there. Shane was trying to keep himself calm, even though he was boiling with anger.

Rick had kept a secret from them all, one they had a right to know and endangered Carol. And Shane couldn't stop thinking about himself becoming a Walker, the thought made him sick. Sophia attacked her mother, there were more of these things in the barn and if they got out, nothing, except the guns they were holding would stop them. Sure, there was the chance they'd have the guns, ready for them all to break out and they wouldn't harm anyone. But what if they weren't ready? What if it was when most of them were sleeping, and whoever was on watch was killed before he could warn the rest?

No, Shane decided he was done taking chances. He had to think about the group, about Lori and Carl. And Toby. As her name echoed in his mind he glanced around, his first instinct was to look beside Daryl, who was currently telling Lori that she didn't know shit. When he didn't see Toby there he looked at Carl, she wasn't beside him either.

Shane turned himself around, searching for her small figure. He found it quickly. She was only a few feet away, once again isolated from the group and staring off into the distance. He stalked toward her in long determined strides.

Once he reached her he saw she was staring at Guillermo, who was in the same spot on the ground he was before, but instead was lying on the ground, not sitting. His hands were over his face and Shane could see his mouth was moving.

"Toby," he addressed her.

She looked up at him, "I think he's cryin' again."

Shane shook his head, "We got more important things to worry about. He's been like this before. He'll get over it. I need you focused right now, kiddo."

She quirked an eyebrow at him.

"We've talked about this. I want to know if you're still in the same place. You know what's gotta be done."

Toby glanced behind Shane, seeing the others with the guns. She'd heard part of the conversation, but Guillermo's behaviour had her distracted. "The barn? You're gonna kill 'em, for good?"

"Yes, for good." Shane reached into his holster with his free hand, still holding his Mossberg in the other. Shane took his Glock from his holster and held it out to Toby.

Toby scrunched her eyebrows and shook her head.

"I want you there."

"I can't, I'll miss." Toby made her face go blank, not wanting to show how disappointed she was in herself that she wasn't going to be any help.

"I want you to take it anyway. I told you didn't I? Gotta have each others backs. Hold on to it," Shane gave her a determined expression, staring her in the eyes until she took it from him. "Safety off," he instructed before turning back to the group.

"You all ready? All right then, let's end this."

Lori kept protesting and Maggie attempted to hold Glenn back. When she did, Glenn just shook his head, "we have to do this. You know how dangerous they are. I don't want you in danger, ever."

Glenn reluctantly pulled away from Maggie and followed the group. Toby followed Shane as they all stalked toward the barn. She caught Daryl's eyes, his face seemed emotionless but he didn't protest to her being there. He pulled his gaze away from her and walked faster to walk beside Shane.

"Think we got enough people?" Daryl asked him.

Shane glanced behind him at the others, "long as we're quick and careful. They're in a contained space, it'll be easier then most times, we know what's coming out of there."

"How much did he say was in there?"

"Fourteen, then he added that other one. He could be wrong, we're about to find out. We got this, plenty of ammo."

"And if Hershel or Rick gets there?" T-Dog chimed in.

"Don't matter. We need to take care of this."

"I'm gonna get something to break the chains," T-Dog said before stirring away from them toward the shed.

Just as they reached the barn, Shane could hear Rick calling out. He turned to take a quick glance. He knew Lori would go and get Rick, but with Rick was Hershel, his two girls, along with Patricia and Jimmy.

"Shane, don't!"

T-Dog was out of the shed and making his way to the barn, he was well ahead of them but Rick had started to run and the rest of them did too. T-Dog reached the barn first, he had a rifle in one hand and a pickaxe in the other, "this'll do."

T-Dog turned around, glancing at Rick and the others. He seemed unsure, as if he was having second thoughts. Shane held out his hand for the pickaxe, it took T-Dog another moment before nodding and giving it to him.

Shane took the pickaxe and gave his shotgun to T-Dog, he'd need two hands.

"This is not the way, please!" Rick was shouting as he neared them.

"It is, Rick!" Shane yelled, "these things ain't sick, they're not people. they're dead. All they do, they kill! These things right here! They're the things that killed Amy! Jim! They killed Otis! They're gonna kill all of us if we don't kill them!"

Shane turned, striding toward the barn.

"Rick!" Lori shouted at him, she was holding Carl with her, afraid of what would happen. She wanted Rick to stop Shane.

"Shane, think about this. You can't do this!"

"Enough of this! Enough living next to a barn full of things that are trying to kill us! That's how you want Carl to live? What about everyone else, terrified and unprepared when the inevitable happens. Rick, it ain't like it was before! Now, if you all want to live, if you want to survive it's time to fight for it! Right here, right now!"

"No! Shane! Do not do this, brother! WAIT!"

Shane had already began breaking the chains, Rick's feet pounded against the ground, pushing through the group to get to him but he'd already broken the chains.

Shane banged on the door of the barn, "come on! Come on, we're out here!"

Though Toby was a good ten feet from the barn, she still backed up, fear stirring in her stomach. She made sure the safety was off on Shane's Glock, then shifted her hands so she was holding it properly, but she didn't raise it.

Shane turned away from the barn and returned to T-Dog, taking his shotgun from him and holding it at the ready.

When the first Walker stumbled out, the gunshots started. At first, Toby concluded it was just like target practise, just a bunch of noise. But a few seconds later she disagreed with herself, it was much worse. It wasn't just the sounds of the guns firing, there was the gurgling and hissing of the Walkers, and then the sounds of their bodies hitting the ground.

Toby turned her head away after the first few moments, her ears were ringing from being surrounded by gunfire.

Rick had to stop and hold Beth back, who was crying out for her mother, trying to get to the barn. It seemed she didn't care about the gunfire and was willingly about to run into all of it. Though even if Rick didn't have to hold onto Beth, there was no longer anything he could do, so many were coming out at once they could never get them back in the barn.

Very soon the flow of Walkers began to slow, and when there was only one more in sight Shane called out, "Hold your fire!"

He said it a little late, because someone had fired, hitting it in the shoulder, but the Walker didn't stop. Everyone glanced at Shane, curious and confused at why he told them to stop. Shane watched as a second, and possibly the last Walker stumbled out of the barn's doors. The one Walker that had been hit in the shoulder, Shane quickly shot in the head and it fell.

T-Dog raised his rifle about to shoot the last one when Shane stopped him, "don't."

T-Dog furrowed his eyebrows at him, at first he thought he wanted to put the last one down himself, but Shane didn't shoot it. Instead he glanced behind him, Hershel was back a few feet on his knees staring at the barn in disbelief. His eyes fell on Toby and he stepped toward her, placing his hand on her back and pulling her over to him.

Shane quickly placed Toby in front of him, she turned to look up at him, shocked and scared. Shane stood behind her, putting his hands on either side of her, gently forcing her to raise her arms to aim the gun he'd given her.

The last Walker was still close to the barn doors, it was slowed down by all the dead bodies it had to step over.

"Shoot it." He leaned down to her head, making sure the gun was pointed at the Walker.

Toby began to sputter out words, "Wh-What? I can't! I-I'll miss, I won't kill it!"

"I don't need you to kill it, I just need you to shoot it."

"What? But-"

"-Shoot it!" He shouted, causing her to jump. Toby pulled the trigger before even looking back at the Walkers, not aiming. Her first shot had gotten it in the leg.

"Keep going," Shane said, his voice almost a growl as he stepped away from her, removing his hands from her arms.

Toby did what he said, pulling the hammer back once again and kept shooting it. She was confused and frightened, determined to make sure the Walker got no where near her. She knew there was no way she'd get a moving target, she knew she wouldn't be able to kill it. And the fact that this Walker was stumbling over the bodies of the others made the shot even more impossible.

"What do you make of that, Hershel?" Shane turned to the older man, his eyes wide and biting his lip in anger. That's two bullets in it! Could a living, breathing person walk away from that?"

"Shane, shut up!" Rick yelled at him.

Toby wanted to look back, to see what was happening behind her. But the Walker continued it's way toward her so she continued shooting, hoping the bullets would stall it.

The next few bullets went into it's chest. Toby was beginning she was getting close to her target, so she raised her aim.

"Three rounds in the chest!" Shane shouted over my shooting. "Could someone who's alive, could they just take that?!"

"Stop it!" Someone shouted, Toby wasn't sure who. She could hear plenty of people shouting behind her. But she was much too focused on the Walker getting closer to decipher the voices.

"What the hell are you doing?!"

"Shane, knock it off!"

"Put the gun down!"

Toby turned her head, beginning to lower the gun but Shane rounded on her fast. He had a hard, narrowed look in his eyes that caused her to cringe. He grabbed her forearm, forcing her to hold the gun up once again.

"Don't you dare stop, keep shooting it!"

Toby continued to shoot, despite the sudden trembling of her hands. The trembling caused her aim to go off to the side more.

"That's it's heart! Why's it still coming?!"

Toby could understand being afraid of the Walker getting closer, but she didn't understand her reaction. Her bottom lip quivered as her eyes watered, she did want to stop, almost no longer caring if she killed the corpse. But at the same time she was slightly afraid to stop, so she didn't. It had taken so much convincing to allow her and Carl to do gun training, and now she was being put to the test and she knew she couldn't hit it.

Toby was finally stopped by a loud gunshot to her left, the shot hit the Walker in the forehead, and it fell.

Toby looked up, Daryl was standing next to her with his rifle raised. His eyes went to her, she couldn't read his expression, but it wasn't happy. After staring back at him for a few short moments, he concluding it was anger in his eyes. She tore her gaze away, wondering if it was her she was mad at.

Toby looked back at the falling Walker, letting the Glock drop drop from her hands and onto the ground.

* * *

 **And there it is. I hope you all enjoyed this twist with Sophia, but I am going to warn there may be another death, one that I'm sure some of you won't like too much and I may lose reader/followers. But please, when it happens, no mean comments and hate. I'm giving a warning because I'm a bit anxious to have it happen, afraid of the initial reaction from it. But it's the direction me and Rasha007 would like to take. Again, when it happens, don't be too mad.**

 **Also, on the 30th of July I will be taking a short road tri** **p and staying in North bay for a week before taking another short roadtrip to newfoundland to stay with my dad for a month. I don't plan to stop writing during this period and don't plan for this to delay any updates. But the first week or so with being on the road may delay it just in the slightest.**

 **Thank you for reading! Reviews are always appreciated**

 **-Penn**


	23. Pretty Much Dead Already

**Hi everybody, sorry for the delay. I had a lot of trouble with this chapter, I'm not very proud of it. But I hope you enjoy it somewhat.**

 **Pretty Much Dead Already**

I didn't dare look up at anyone, instead I just stared at the ground, my eyes focused on Shane's gun I'd dropped. Shoes appeared in my line of vision. They were Shane's he was going toward the barn, stepping over the fallen corpses.

I lifted my head, only slightly as he pulled one of the barn doors all the way open.

"That's all of them!" He announced.

Beth ran past me, sobbing. She stepping over the corpses, just as Shane had. She stopped and dropped to her knees in front of one of the corpses.

It was barely a second later before that corpse sprang back to life and grabbed her. Than her sobbing turned to screaming. The others rushed over to pull them apart. Once they got Beth free, T-Dog used the butt of his gun to bash the Walkers head in.

To my own surprise, I didn't look away. It was a disgusting sight, but I barely blinked.

Then the fighting started again. Hershel was yelling, Shane was yelling, then Rick joined in; but more or so in attempt to getting them to shut up. It wasn't working.

I didn't bother listening, let alone pay attention to what they were saying. It was probably the same thing as usual anyway, Hershel didn't want them dead, we did, _blah blah blah_.

But there was one part of it all I couldn't ignore.

"I want you people out! Off my property! I want all of you _GONE!"_

When I finally looked over at them, Hershel was headed back to the house. Maggie had her arms around sobbing Beth. Jimmy and Patricia followed behind.

I watched as Rick and Shane shared a look after hearing Hershel's words. Then they both went after him. It was obvious they were going to try and change Hershel's mind.

I found myself not caring what the outcome would be. It made no difference to me where we were. It didn't matter because no matter where we went, I wasn't home.

"So what now?" T-Dog interrupted the silence. "Burn the bodies?"

"Yeah, too many holes to dig." Daryl said.

"We should bury Hershel's family, burn the rest." Lori said, "Carl, go back, alright? Toby you too."

I turned my head in time to see Carl glance at me before walking away. I didn't really want to but I followed him anyway.

* * *

Carl and me were sitting on the ground in front of his tent. I had taken my boots off as soon as we sat down, my feet were getting too hot and they were much too big for me, adding to the discomfort.

I was sitting beside Carl with my knees to my chest, my bare feet on the cool grass.

"Do you want to look at comics?" Carl asked me.

I shook my head, I wasn't sure how long we'd been sitting there in silence, but it had been a while.

"Yeah . . . I don't either." He said quietly. "They're dead. Like really dead."

I nodded.

"I'm glad they're gone. But . . . Hershel wants us to leave now."

 _I know, Carl._ I stopped myself from saying. _I was there_. Instead, I just gave a shrug, "he's crazy."

"Sophia's dead too. But . . . I don't get it. I get why dad shot her, but I can't . . . She was supposed to get better."

"Stop," I told him. I could hear his voice cracking. I avoided looking at him in case he was already crying. "Just don't think 'bout it right now. And don't talk 'bout it."

 _In other words, just please shut up._

I heard him sniffle. I didn't say anything, I wasn't going to until he did. It felt like a long time before he did finally speak again.

"Maybe we can go see the chickens."

"Why?"

"Just . . . something to do. So we don't think about it . . ."

I just shook my head.

"Why not?" Carl was starting to sound irritated.

"They prob'ly don't want us that close to the barn."

Carl gave some kind of a huffing sound, it was obvious he didn't like that I turned down his idea.

"Fine, you go then. They'll just send ya right back. They don't want us around when they're dealin' with grown up shit."

He sighed, sounding a little more relaxed, "okay . . . what about cards? Dale has a deck but it's missing a few cards. Or a board game?"

"I don't play board games."

"Why not?"

"I just haven't before."

"You've never played a board game? Like checkers or monopoly?"

I shook my head. I looked at him to see he had his eyes directed to the house.

"Maybe they have some! I can ask Beth or Maggie," Carl stood and I reached out, grabbing his elbow and pulling him down.

"You can't do that," I said in a tone that was meant to show him it was obvious.

"I can show you how to play."

I shook my head, "no, I mean you can't go ask."

"Why not? They're nice."

"Not now, not us. If you want to so bad get your mom to ask. She'll know when and how to do it. Just not now, they don't want to hear from kids."

He was staring at my hand that was on his elbow. I slowly took it away. His eyes lifted to mine, his expression curious.

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Act like all we do is get in the way."

"No, I don't-"

"-Yes, you do!" he exclaimed, looking upset. "You've said it before. We're just stupid kids. You act like we don't matter so we can't do anything. I can do stuff just like the rest of them can. I can shoot, so can you. So why can't I ask a question? Why does my mom have to do it for me? We don't need them for everything. We can do stuff ourselves."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "did you see anythin' that happened over there? They have stuff to do."

"I won't go to the barn, just in the house."

I squeezed my eyes shut in frustration. "Shane and your dad are in there talkin' to Hershel. Like you just said, you heard it, they want us gone. We'll just annoy 'em and make it worse. Don't be stupid."

I turned away, I wasn't sure why I was so mad and annoyed by him suddenly. I'd really enjoyed being around Carl the last few days, but now I just wanted to be alone. I thought about getting up to leave. But it wasn't like I had anything better to do.

"I'm not stupid."

"Then don't act like it." _Why wouldn't he just be quiet_ _?_ I wanted to be around him but I wanted him to just stop talking. I put a hand on the side of my head, leaning against it. I was starting to get a headache.

"At least I can read," I just barely heard him mutter.

My head snapped in his direction so fast I almost got whiplash. But he was no longer looking at me. I clenched my teeth together so hard I was practically grinding them together. I was no longer annoyed with Carl, I was angry. The worst of it was; I couldn't defend myself, I had no response.

I stood up and walked away. I should have left him before, I knew I just wanted to be alone. I should've acted on that desire. I was better off alone anyway.

I thought over going to Daryl's tent but I knew the tent would be much too hot. More so the usual considering how close the sun that day, as if it was it's job to burn us alive. The tent would be torturous.

The barn was out of the question, I hid there before because I knew no one would want to be near the barn full of Walkers, so I wouldn't be easily found. But now the Walkers were dead and most of the group was handling their bodies.

My eyes found the RV and since I was already headed in that direction, I decided to hide there for the time being.

It was hot in the RV, but it had windows so it wasn't as hot as the tent would've been. Then I saw Guillermo was there at the table. I considered retreating but decided against it, I had no problem with Guillermo. So I went and sat across from him at the table. He still looked upset, earlier he'd been crying, but he looked a bit better.

His eyes were close and he was rubbing his temple, as if attempting to rid of a headache.

When I sat down, his eyes opened, they startled me slightly, with how bloodshot they were.

For the first few moments, we just stared at each other.

"Do I know you? You seem familiar," he said softly, I could easily detect his spanish accent. "Why are we here, where's Rick?"

I shrugged avoiding the first question, "dealin' with the bodies."

Something flashed in his eyes at that word, "the gunshots. Wh-What happened?"

"They killed the Walkers in the barn."

"Walkers?"

I nodded again.

He hesitated, thinking my response over, " _Muertos_?"

 _The what_? I shook my head, "no the dead things."

He nodded, "yes. _Muertos_."

"No, _Walkers_. I don't know what that means."

He rubbed his eye, and sighed tiredly as if giving up, "means dead people."

"Oh."

"They're here?" He was starting to look scared.

I shook my head, "they were in the barn. They're dead now."

"How long have we been here?"

"Couple days."

Guillermo put his head face down on the table, placing his hands a the back of his head as he began to mutter in a different language.

 _Where's he been? He's acting like he didn't know about it._

I heard the sound of the RV door opening. While I turned to see who it was, Guillermo didn't move but grew silent.

Dale came in and gave us both a curious glance, "either of you seen Hershel?"

I'd seen him when we were all back at the barn but I was sure that wasn't what he was talking about. I shook my head in response. He looked over at Guillermo after receiving my answer. "Guillermo?" Dale tried to get his attention, "have you-"

"-I don't know who that is," Guillermo interrupted in weak and muffled voice.

Dale left. I thought about why Dale would be looking for Hershel. Last I saw, Shane and Rick were going to talk to him.

"I can't keep up with this shit," Guillermo muttered angrily. "I'm losing my damn mind."

How much did he remember? I remembered the a few days ago he'd asked me how long we'd been here, I'd sent him over to Rick. But it looked like he'd forgotten again.

"I-It's okay. There was some stuff going on but it's better now. It's safe here, we're far from the city. There aren't many Walkers around."

He lifted his head and stared blankly at me, "Everything is teared apart in my head, I know I've been here. But I don't remember getting here. I shouldn't be here. I should be dead."

He was starting to freak me out, but I decided to try and stay calm. He was confused, maybe he just wanted some kind of confirmation.

"Rick said he knew you, and some others after going into the city. We didn't have anywhere to go so we went to you. But everyone was dead and you . . . weren't."

"So, you dragged me with you guys."

I shook my head, "you just came. You didn't say much."

"I've been gone for days . . ." he said, as if it was unbelievable. "There was no one else. You're sure no one else made it?"

I just shook my head. I wondered how many times he had this conversation with someone else.

"Can't believe an eight year old is telling me shit I should already know."

My eyes narrowed, "I'm twelve."

He sighed, his smile gone and tears falling from his eyes. "It doesn't matter what you are, or what I am. We're all going to die. Most of us are already dead."

He started mumbling more words I couldn't understand, he took a quick glance around before standing up. He turned away from me and walked over to the bed at the back of the RV. He laid on the bed and didn't make another sound.

I thought over Guillermo's words. He was right in two senses, yes, most of us were already dead. But if we were all carrying this virus, did that make us dead already? No matter how we died, we'd become a walking corpse.

* * *

I jerked awake, having fallen asleep with my head on the table. It felt like I'd only been asleep for a few minutes, but looking outside, it was starting to get dark. I turned my head to see Guillermo standing beside me, I jumped, surprised to see him.

We just stared at each other at first, then he spoke.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what's going on anymore, out there or in here," he pointed to his temple. "I was rude to you."

My lips parted but I had no response, his expression was so much calmer, but still slightly disturbed.

"May I sit with you again?"

I just gave a nod, not hiding my bewildered expression. But Guillermo didn't say anything else, he just sat across from me like before, and stared out the window.

I looked out the window too, I sat up a little straighter, from where the window was I could see the place Carl and I were sitting earlier. My boots were still there, reminding me there was nothing on my feet, but Carl was gone.

The thought of Carl caused a wave of anxiety to course through me, I tried to push it away and ignore it, but it lingered.

There wasn't much else to see other than Lori and Rick some distance away, they looked like they were fighting. Watching and listening for a moment I could just barely hear them, I mostly heard Lori's voice. Rick was always considerably more quiet. I glanced at Guillermo to see it was them he was watching out the window.

"They're always like that," I informed him.

I saw him raise an eyebrow, but he didn't look at me.

"Well, she is," I corrected.

I continued watching them, then I noticed Rick was holding a bag. Rick reached for Lori, as if to hug her, but she stepped away. I saw Glenn walking down the porch steps, he was holding a rifle.

 _What the hell?_

Glenn joined Rick and Lori, and just after, so did Shane. Shane was motioning with his hand, usually the way he did when trying to get a serious point across.

 _Wait, are we being kicked out? Right now?_

Shane abruptly turned and began walking away, shaking his head. He said one final thing to Rick loudly, but I couldn't make out the words, like the rest of them. But Shane looked just as pissed as Lori did. Then Lori went up the porch steps and into the house.

Rick and Glenn walked with each other to the direction of the cars. They were walking out of view of the window so I stood up and leaned over to watch them hop into a car. I continued watching until they pulled out and were gone.

 _Why would they leave?_ I was sure we had plenty of food. Maggie's family had lots, and we'd found plenty of canned food on the highway. _So what do we need that they had to leave so fast?_ I hadn't heard anything about anyone going on a run, I usually overhear it from someone.

I glanced at Guillermo, secretly hoping he'd have some kind of answer. After all, he was an adult, he'd hear much more then I would.

Guillermo was still staring out the window, he didn't look confused. In fact, he didn't look much of anything, his expression seemed to be wiped clean of any emotion. I sighed to myself, looking back out the window.

This time I saw Maggie, her arms were crossed and she was headed in our direction. I felt a little sad, Maggie was really nice to me but I hadn't talked to her since she was checking me for ticks. And then I ran away. I wondered what she thought of what she'd seen, she definitely hadn't been expecting it. Was she mad? Maybe disappointed?

 _She's seen me, really seen me. All the bad things I've done, all the disrespect I've shown. She's seen all of it._

Just like I hadn't talked to her since, she didn't make an attempt either. Perhaps that was my answer.

 _It's not like Daddy didn't warn me, he'd said this would happen. This was why no one was supposed to see._

I was surprised to see Maggie not changing her direction, she kept walked toward the RV, Then she opened the door and walked inside. I turned around, trying to keep my expression blank. Guillermo didn't move.

"Hi, Toby." she said, giving me a weak smile. It was obviously forced, her eyes looked very sad.

I parted my lips to respond, but no sound came out.

"You're going to have to come inside now," she told me gently.

"The house?" I was able to force out.

She nodded, "we need everyone in one place right now. There's . . . nevermind it now. Dale told me I'd find you in here, you and Guillermo need to come inside."

I wanted to protest, if they wanted everyone inside Carl would be there, Lori would be there. Possibly even Shane and Daryl. I didn't want to see any of those people.

Maggie beckoned me with her hand as she walked out, I went to follow her but then I noticed Guillermo hadn't moved.

I guess talking wouldn't work this time on him, so I walked past the table, standing on his side of it, I reached forward, shaking his shoulder. The contact made me uncomfortable and I let go as fast as I could.

Guillermo turned his head to me, rather slowly.

"We have to go in the house."

He only rose an eyebrow.

"They want us to go in. Now."

He seemed to take a minute to process this before nodding and scooting out of the booth.

* * *

I was standing in the hallway, leaning against the wall. My hair was wet and I was wearing another shirt. This one was a button-up cotton, green, black, and white plaid long sleeve.

When me and Guillermo first went in, Maggie told me I could have a shower. I only nodded and then she began urging me to it.

When I was done, she'd taken Beth's other two shirts I'd been wearing. Though I still had my same jeans, not that I had anything else.

Everyone was either in the kitchen or living room, most in the kitchen, as dinner was just being handed out. The advantage of being in the hallway was I could little from both rooms, and listen as people walked passed me. No one really took notice of my presence.

I'd heard a bit of what was going on. Glenn and Rick left to find Hershel, turned out he was no longer on the property. Beth was in some kind of shocked state, which made Maggie very worried. She'd walk into the hall almost every two minutes to go into the other room and check on her sister.

I wasn't sure what was wrong with Carol, but it was definitely something. I'd heard Patricia say something about her being upstairs.

"She's getting worse. We need Hershel, they should've been back now." I wasn't sure if Lori was talking about Beth or Carol.

"He never should have left," Shane said to Lori. They were both close to the kitchen doorway, making it easy to hear them.

Now I knew why Shane and Lori were so pissed at Rick.

Shane stepped into the hall a moment later, our eyes met briefly before I looked away. I wasn't sure how I felt. Back at the barn I was scared, I was scared that if I didn't kill that Walker it was going to kill me, and Shane sure wasn't doing anything about it. Earlier I'd been angry, but at that moment, I wasn't much of anything. I didn't have the energy to be mad, instead I was just embarrassed. If I could hit a target properly, I'd have moved on to shooting moving ones and I could've made that shot.

I expected Shane to just walk passed me, but instead he stood beside me, and leaned against the wall.

"You knew I couldn't make that shot," I said after a few moments of awkward silence. I was looking down at my barefeet, my boots were still outside.

"You're right. I did know that."

I felt a knot form in my stomach. _Why didn't I just stay in the RV?_

"But that's not why I made you do it."

I looked up at him, he was already looking at me. His face was calm and his eyes looked tired. I let myself scrunch my eyebrows together and narrow my eyes, showing him how confused I was.

"You know what Carl said to me yesterday? Maybe you do, you two spend some time together now, maybe you've heard it already."

I didn't respond, I just shook my head, not understanding.

"He said, ' _what if they're right? What if we can make them better?_ '. I was so angry. Hershel's inability to let things go was giving Carl false hope. And after everything we've been through out there, I couldn't believe I'd even heard those words come out of his mouth. I wanted to make sure that they all knew, that _you_ knew; what those things are. What they'll always be. _Dead_."

"I know that." _How could he think I don't understand?_ I'd almost been eaten on three separate occasions, under the RV, in the school, and in the RV with Guillermo. Well actually four, there was the time Shane and I were running alongside the RV and we had to jump in, when I did, a Walker had a hold of my ankle and wouldn't let me go.

"I know you do. I just . . . I just wanted to make sure that . . . that it stuck with you, that you _felt_ it. I was going to do it myself, but then I saw you and . . . I acted on a whim. I'm sorry."

I looked away then, not sure what to say. I understood what he was talking about, but that didn't make the embarrassment go away.

"You know . . ." he started again, I could hear a smile in his voice. "You may not have killed it, but just about every single bullet you shot, made it into that Walker."

I felt myself smile, realising he was right. Most of the time I hadn't bothered aiming at the head, knowing I wouldn't get it, I just aimed for the body, hoping to slow the Walker's pace. I hit it almost every single time.

"All right, come on, dinners ready." He started walking down the hall, but I didn't move. When he was about to go into the kitchen, he realised I wasn't following.

"You coming?"

I shook my head.

"You have to be hungry."

I nodded, I was hungry, but I knew everyone was in that room.

Shane stared at me, as if searching my face, "did you, uh, did you want me to bring you something?"

I smiled a little, feeling grateful. I nodded. Shane went inside the kitchen and came back a minute later with a plate.

"Thank you," I said, taking the plate. There was some deer meat, cooked carrots and peas. Shane went back to the kitchen to join the others.

I contemplated where to eat, I could just eat in the hall, or the living room. I glanced around, my eyes falling on the front door. I'd still be at the house, I wasn't going anywhere, where was the harm in eating on the porch?

* * *

I was sitting on the porch, my plate was empty and on the side table beside my chair. It was dark outside, I was staring up at the sky. It was nice and quiet, no one had come outside while I was eating. The night was much cooler than the day had been, I was enjoying the cool breeze.

I heard the door open and looked over to see Daryl walking out. He glanced around before his eyes fell on me.

He was silent at first, he seemed to be staring me down as the door shut behind him. I couldn't read his expression at first, he looked upset, or maybe just angry.

"You're hidin' again," he said, his one even as he walked over to me.

 _I'm not hiding? Am I? I just want to be alone, that isn't the same as hiding._ I just shrugged. He stopped a few feet in front of me, standing close to the railing of the porch. His arms were crossed and his jaw was set, still staring me down.

 _Okay, so he's angry._ I pulled my shoulders in a little and lowered my head, I felt myself cowering but only slightly. _Now, what did I do?_

"You said you heard me, why the hell do I need to be tellin' you again?"

I just stared blankly.

He sighed, his eyes not leaving mine, "You didn't have to listen to him. I know you wanted to put the gun down, you were doin' it."

 _Oh, this was about the Walker. Why did he care about that?_

I just shrugged, I had no idea what he was expecting from me.

"Stop doin' that! I hate when you do that! That's how I know you ain't listenin'!"

I swallowed nervously, I held both my hands together, feeling myself shake. It was obvious I was in trouble, I just didn't understand why.

"Why didn't you put the gun down?"

I just kept staring at him.

"It's a simple question, why didn't you put the gun down?"

"Shane told me not to," I practically whispered.

"After the shit I told you, that shouldn't've mattered! Stop lettin' assholes push ya 'round."

I pulled my arms closer to myself. I thought hard about when he was talking to me behind the barn, about how no one would beat me. I tried to link it to what he was saying now. I just didn't understand, he was mad, he wanted me to get something. Whenever daddy wanted to make sure I understood, punishment was the way to do it, he said so himself whenever I did something wrong.

He stepped forward, uncrossing his arms and leaning toward me, "you don't have to do shit you don't want to do. If it feels wrong, just stop! It's not that hard, you have a backbone, I've fuckin' seen it, I know I have. You gotta use it."

I just squinted my eyes and shook my head, I had no idea what he meant by that.

He sighed again, standing up straight, "remember back at that quarry? When you took Shane's gun and threatened him?"

I swallowed again, guilt making my stomach churn. "That was bad."

"No! That's what I'm talkin' about! You thought what was goin' on was wrong and ya wanted to stop it."

"I-I was scared," I tried to defend myself.

"Yeah, you were scared. And you were scared back at that barn, not just of that dumb Walker. You know any of us woulda taken care of it if we had to. You don't have to do _anything_ anyone says just because you think you'll get in trouble. Least of all Shane. You're allowed to talk back, you're allowed to say no."

Daryl opened his mouth, about to continue when we heard yelling coming from inside.

"We can't just let her die!"

Daryl narrowed his eyes toward the door and went inside. I could hear some of the group talking but not what they were saying exactly, I stood up and followed him inside.

"The hells goin' on?" Daryl questioned.

"Carol," Shane answered, looking away from everyone.

Lori thought about this for a moment, "I'll go into town, I'll get Rick and Hershel-"

"-No you're not going anywhere. What do you think he's going to do? If he had an answer he wouldn't have had a barn full of Walkers." Shane said.

"Patricia," T-Dog addressed. The blonde woman was standing behind Lori, "There's gotta be something we can do, something to give her, just to give her some more time. She's in a lot of pain."

"I've already given her the last of the morphine to make her more comfortable. Almost everything else was used for . . ." Patricia trailed off, but everyone knew what she was going to say. "I'll go see her."

 _What's wrong with Carol?_ T-Dog looked frustrated and sad, he leaned his forehead against the wall, and closed his eyes breathing deeply. Everyone was silent.

I was watching him closely, curious about what was going on. Then suddenly, T-Dog's eyes shot open.

"Daryl," he whispered it at first, "Daryl!"

"What?"

T-Dog looked him dead in the eyes with a certain determination, "we're Walkers no matter what right? It ain't the bite that does it, you said so yourself. The bite just kills you."

Daryl awkwardly looked around at everyone, "so what?"

"What . . . what if we-what if we cut it out? Cut it off I mean."

Everyone listening had quietly gasped.

"Cut her arm off? You want to cut her arm off?" Lori's eyes were wide with shock.

T-Dog looked appalled, "no, I don't want to! But it makes sense doesn't it? Get the bite off, then it can't do anything."

"No," Patricia intervened, she was standing on the staircase. "Even if that were to work she may not survive, we used almost all the medicine on Sophia. There's no anesthetic."

"We can get more."

"We don't have that kind of time," Shane was shaking his head. "You saw her, she doesn't have time to wait. It's been too long, she won't last the night."

"That's why we cut the bite away!"

"Severing her arm could only make it worse!" Patricia argued, growing red in the face. "What if we can't get the bleeding to stop? What about infection, and shock and-and . . . no, no. We can't do anything without Hershel."

"She's already infected! Daryl," T-Dog turned to Daryl, his expression almost pleading. "You said so yourself, it's not the bite that turns you."

Daryl was quiet at first, rolling his eyes. "She's prob'ly gonna die either way. And if this is gonna work we can't wait any longer."

I looked over at Shane, wondering what he would say. His expression was unreadable, everyone else was silent, weighing their options.

"There's an axe in the shed," Shane finally said.

* * *

I couldn't get Carol's scream out of my head. At the time, I barely heard it, but I knew exactly what was going on. I'd been sitting in the grass by the tent, watching the house when it happened. Daryl told me I should go to the tent, and I did that, I just didn't go inside.

Not until I heard the scream anyway.

I couldn't stop thinking about her, I'd never even liked her that much. I remembered back at the CDC, how nice she'd been to me, giving me Sophia's clothes.

And thinking about Sophia made me feel worse. I almost felt nothing for her dying, partially because I'd barely thought about her while being her. She was out of sight, out of mind. And to think she'd bite Carol, I knew these things weren't real people, but it was her mama.

But to be honest I had no idea when or how Carol got bitten, Sophia was just my guess. Other than the barn, Sophia was the only other Walker encounter we'd had in awhile.

Carl was just so sad about Sophia, and the fact that I wasn't sad, made me mad at myself. Everyone else had some kind of reaction to it. Was it because I didn't talk to? I'd never really cared about her before, why should I start caring when she's dead?

Carol being bitten caused thoughts of Jim to weed their way inside my head.

I'd been lying in the tent, staring up at nothing for hours as all those thoughts twirled in my brain. Only when I heard the sound of a car did I finally pull myself out of my head.

I sat up quickly, crawling out of the tent.

"Dad!" Carl called out as Rick jumped out of the car. Carl ran to him and clung to him. Lori went right after Carl, hugging her husband. Maggie ran toward them, hugging Glenn, then going to Hershel.

"Are you hurt?" Lori asked Rick as they pulled away from each other.

"No, but-"

"-Who the hell is that?" T-Dog questioned, pointing to the back seat of the car.

I stepped forward a little, craning my neck to see what he was talking about. Sure enough, someone was sitting in the back seat, wearing a blindfold.

"That's Randall," Glenn answered.

* * *

 **And there it is, let me know what you think.**

 **Kenzela** **gave me insight on the scene with Toby and Daryl, thank you :)**

 **Though once again, as usual, would never be able to finish the chapter without Rasha007.**

 **Again, sorry everyone, I hope to make the next chapter a lot better.** **But good news is, starting next chapter we'll be on episode 10 of season 2, we're getting very close to Merle's return, I'm so excited.**

 **Thank you for reading, drop a review if you feel like it, always appreciated.**

 **Tumblr:** **Tobyjustgone**

 **-Penn**


	24. Another Grave

**Another Grave**

After watching as they pulled that guy; Randall out of the car, Daryl had taken notice of me. He quietly made his way toward me and told me I should go back into the tent. With one last glance at the group, I did as he said. I wasn't sure I wanted to know what was going on anymore.

 _It's always just one problem after another isn't it? We get rid of the Walkers, Carol's arm got cut off, but apparently she still might die, and now_ . . . I struggled a way to word Randall's appearance. _Why was he blindfolded? Why is he even here? Hershel doesn't want us here, but now other people can be here?_

I laid myself in the sleeping bag, my mind racing with all my questions and thought. I was sure I wouldn't fall asleep, but after a while, I did.

* * *

I woke up in a jolt, having heard a noise. Looking around after sitting up, I saw that it was only Daryl, unzipping the tent to get out. He glanced at me briefly and left the tent, leaving it unzipped.

 _Is he still mad at me?_

Getting out of the sleeping bag, I saw my knife sheath placed beside my backpack. I stared at it, wondering if I should put it on. I hadn't worn it the last few days, and the Walkers were taken care of, so I decided to leave it.

"Toby, come get some food," Lori summoned me over to the fire when I crawled out of the tent. I was really hungry so I obeyed, though I was still hesitant. She didn't seem to take any notice of my reservation as she handed me a paper plate with fried eggs on it. Carl was sitting with his own plate close by her.

I couldn't help but look over to him and our eyes met. I tore my eyes away from him as Lori passed me a fork, but I saw out of the corner of my eye that he was still looking at me.

I was about to go back to sit by the tent, I turned with the intention to do so, but then I saw Guillermo. I paused for a brief moment, then looked around to see Daryl was nowhere in sight. Guillermo was just sitting, leaning against a tree staring at his plate. After a moment or two, I went over to him and sat down.

I swallowed nervously, not sure if it was what I wanted to do. I wasn't even sure why I did it, all this guy ever did was freak everyone out.

He looked at me in surprise, I returned his stare.

"You, uh . . ." I struggled to find words for my question. "You here?"

He stared, taking his time before he gave a very slow nod, "I'm here."

I nodded, so far it looked like he remembered me from yesterday, he didn't look as if he was going to lash out or anything. That was a good sign.

"I'm going to try and stay _here_."

"That's good," I said quietly.

"Maybe."

As we ate in silence, I noticed how quickly the rest of them ate and left, most of them to the house. Though I never saw Rick or Shane. And I hadn't seen Daryl since he was in the tent. Hershel and his family were inside I guessed, they never ate with us outside.

Even long after we ate, neither me nor Guillermo said a word. It was just complete and utter silence. Oddly enough, it wasn't awkward, I didn't feel as if I was forced to say anything or respond to anything he said. We glanced at each other once or twice, but still said nothing. It felt peaceful.

A while after we finished eating I saw Maggie walk out of the house. I watched her for a moment, feeling sad and nervous, I'd really liked Maggie before, but we still hadn't talked since she was searching me for ticks. There was a part of me hoping she wouldn't talk to me so I could just pretend it never happened, another part of me wanted the opposite.

I bit my lip before standing up and walking after her. I remembered the last time I'd followed her, it didn't go well. She didn't see me but I saw her with Glenn. _Would I see the same thing again? Maybe I can stop it?_

Since that night I'd taken occasional glances at Glenn, looking for any hint of him acting out of character. He always seemed nice to everybody, I didn't understand why he would want to hurt Maggie.

I sped up my pace a little to catch up with her. I felt really nervous and it took a couple tries before I could say anything.

"Hi," I forced out.

Maggie stopped abruptly and turned to me.

"Toby, hey." She looked surprised, but not displeased. "I was just gonna tend the horses, want to come?"

"Can I?" It was my turn to be surprised, I wasn't expecting any kind of invitation, especially so quick.

"Sure, come on. You can help me out."

* * *

"She cried?" I echoed, grinning slightly.

"Like a baby. She cried and cried." Maggie laughed, "we didn't understand it, she loved the horses, spent hours here, sometimes just braiding and brushing their hair. But as soon as we put her in the saddle, she freaked."

I was helping Maggie sweep some of the hay around the stable so it wasn't so messy. She was recounting some old memories of riding. At that moment, she was telling me about Beth's first time.

"Turns out it wasn't the riding, it was the height of it. Beth's always had a fear of heights, I just didn't think riding would count."

"Is she still scared?"

"Of heights or riding?"

"Ridin'."

She gave a slight shrug as she shoveled some fresh hay into the pile, "She's come a long way since she was nine, though lately, she hasn't been bothered."

"Do you always clean the stables?"

"Sometimes. Jimmy does it too. Beth we don't really ask because she takes forever and usually doesn't finish the job. Patricia takes care of the chickens. Guillermo did it once before."

"Guillermo?" I repeated, surprised at his name turning up.

"Yeah, the other day. He was asking Daddy for some chores, he wanted to keep busy. I don't blame him."

I thought her words over, "is that why we're doin' this now?"

She sighed, "yeah . . . could've waited, it wasn't too bad in here. Just needed to not think about some things for a bit."

"You look sad."

She paused in her actions for a moment, not looking at me.

"We're all a little sad," she finally said. "It's been a sad few days."

I thought about all the time spent here, the time at the CDC, on the road, and the school. Then I thought about Merle, about the camp. I thought about meeting Shane and looking for Daddy on the highway.

"Few months." I corrected. _Has it really been that long_? "Has it been months? Since . . . _everything_?"

She had a sad look in her eyes, she'd been looking sad since we got to the stables, but then I could see it much more clearly than before. As if it was out in the open. Maggie opened her mouth to answer.

"Maggie!"

Maggie and I both turned our heads, Lori ran into the stables.

"Lori, what's up?"

Lori hesitated, briefly glancing at me. I could easily tell it wasn't something I was supposed to hear.

"I need you back at the house. I have to get back to Beth, please be quick."

Maggie nodded, "sure thing. I'll be right there."

Then Lori ran back to the house. I held in a sigh of disappointment, it was nice being alone with Maggie, away from everyone else and everything else.. I heard Maggie sigh too.

She took the broom from me and placed it against the wall. She went over to one of the horses she tied up near the entrance and directed it back to it's stable. Once it was locked in, she motioned me to follow and we left.

Maggie had a solemn look on her face, "Well, let's go. I'll go see what's going on, get you some water and a snack if you want."

As we walked back to the house, I caught Maggie glancing at me every so often.

"What's wrong with Beth?"

"She's just . . . just a little shocked that's all. She'll be fine, she just needs some time."

Last night, I'd only heard whispers of Beth and Carol. Since then, this was the first I'd heard of Beth, though I had no idea what was happening with Carol.

"Is Carol going to die?"

She kept her eyes on me for a few moments as we walked, she still had that sad expression, "I don't know. Don't concern yourself with that, all right?"

I nodded, not saying anything more as we reached the house. We passed through the livingroom, those who were in it had obviously been talking about something I, or both of us weren't supposed to hear, because as soon as they saw us, their jaws were shut tight.

Shane, Rick, T-Dog, Glenn, and Hershel were there. My eyes met Shane's and he gave a small wave.

We went into the kitchen and Maggie told me to sit down before she went to check on her sister. I sat there in silence for several minutes, much longer then Maggie said she'd be gone for.

When she came back, her eyes and cheeks were red, it was obvious she'd been crying. I pretended not to notice as she avoided my eyes and went to the counter. I heard her cutting something but I remained quiet. A few moments later she moved over to the sink and I saw two small plates on the counter with some cut up fruit on them. She filled a glass with water and placed it in front of me, then did the same with one of the plates. She filled another glass before picking up the second plate.

"I'm going to go sit with Beth, help yourself to anything." Then she left.

As I started eating, I heard the front door open and close a few times, I wondered if that meant whatever meeting they had was over. I ate most of the peach first, taking some sips of water every so often.

I paused any move I was making and stared at my plate, thinking for a moment. I needed to pee, I wondered if I should go outside. __She said help yourself, have to_ _assume that includes the bathroom, right?__

After debating for a little bit, I stood and walked out of the kitchen. When I reached the bathroom, the door was shut, I leaned my ear toward it and heard some movement inside. Someone was using it, I almost waited but I thought that would be weird. And I didn't want to be seen. I wasn't sure why, I just felt like if I could avoid anyone at the moment, that would be best.

I was sure I remembered someone saying there was a bathroom upstairs. I turned away down the hall and headed for the stairs. The higher I got on the staircase, the more I heard.

At first, the noise was hard to make out, but soon enough I'd recognised it. It was Carol's sobbing, but with her sobs there were words.

Reaching the hallway of the second floor of the house, I listened carefully, trying to decipher the words erupting from Carol's sobs.

" _Please . . . Please. Do it_."

I followed the voice, confused. _Who is she talking too?_

Carol continued sobbing and what sounded like begging.

" _I want . . . don't let me . . . I just wanna be with my baby_."

Carol's door was half closed. I stared at it, thinking about what to do.

" _I won't_. _I won't be one of those things_."

There was definitely someone there. I didn't want to do it, at the time, I felt like I knew I shouldn't but there was some kind of pull, maybe it was just curiosity. No matter what it was, I couldn't stop myself from reaching out and pushing the door open.

My eyes widened at what I was seeing. Shane was standing beside Carol's bed, with his gun pointed to her head, the very gun I'd shot from so many times. Carol was lying in bed sobbing, she was leaning toward Shane, grasping onto his shirt as she begged. My eyes went to her other arm, or _lack of arm_. It was heavily bandaged but there was still lots of blood.

Aside from the slight flush of her face from crying, Carol looked pale. There were dark, very dark, circles under her eyes. Even her lips seemed to have lost colour. All I could think of when looking at her was Jim. Arm or not, Carol looked like she had the fever, she already looked like a Walker.

" _Please_ . . . _kill me_ . . ."

I looked at Shane, his hand was shaking, very slightly. He was looking down at Carol so I couldn't see much of his expression, but it was easy to tell he didn't want to do it.

" _Do it_."

I was so sure he wouldn't, from the shaking, to the hesitation. I was waiting for him to lower the gun.

But he didn't. I flinched as he pulled the trigger. Due to Carol leaning forward and clutching his shirt she fell sideways off the bed.

Shane didn't move, his expression was odd, I couldn't interpret it, he just stared down at her body.

Hearing footsteps from downstairs, I knew the others, even the ones outside had heard the gunshot. Their steps were loud and hurried, when it sounded like they were coming up the stairs Shane finally lifted his head to look to the doorway.

His eyes widened as they met mine, his lips parted as if about to say something, but nothing came out. He looked down to Carol's body then back to me, as if just putting it together that I'd seen what happened.

Rick bursted into the room passed me, I could hear others behind me but I didn't turn to see who else was there.

"What happened?"

"What the hell did you do?!"

Several people were yelling these kinds of questions, it went on for a few moments. He switched his gaze from everyone to Carol's body.

"Toby," Rick said as he noticed me. "What are you doing in here?"

"She turned," Shane spoke aloud, his voice steady. Rick's attention was drawn away from me to Shane.

"What? Carol?"

"I came in here to check on how she was doing." Shane explained, looking down at her body and beginning to step away from it. "She was dead, she turned."

T-Dog was suddenly beside me, "no way! I was up here like half hour ago . . . no . . . FUCK!"

"She was a Walker?" Rick clarified.

Shane nodded.

"I can't believe this. I thought . . . I thought she'd push through." Rick put a hand to his head, looking solemn.

"I really didn't want to spend the day digging another fucking grave," T-Dog muttered.

"Wait, wait. Hold on. Toby?" I turned around to see Dale standing behind me, "Were you here? Did you see what happened?

I nodded.

It was easy to tell that Dale was looking for a different answer than the one Shane gave. The way he was looking at me looked as if the answer I'd give him meant life or death.

I looked over at Shane, who wasn't looking at me. In fact it looked as if he was going to great lengths to look everywhere but at me

"You can tell me," he urged. "Did Carol . . . Did Carol turn?"

I turned away from Shane, who was still avoiding my gaze. I looked Dale in the eyes, keeping my stare as steady possible as I kept my face blank of expression.

" _Yes_."

* * *

 **I know Carol is a fan favourite so I'll just apologize. I know I might lose some readers for this but me and Rasha007 planned this a while back. I hope you guys don't hate me too much for this and you'll continue reading (please no flames, I know it sucks when you're favourite character dies). There's still a lot of good things to come. well not necessarily good for the group, but good for the story.**

 **I kind of wanted to give Carol a death that was close to her comic one, but it didn't exactly fit.**

 **And I'm sorry for the delay, I had this done saturday but I had my flight home and the day was exhausting. And since I got home I've been in a lot of pain, I think my wisdom teeth are coming in :(**

 **Tumblr: Tobyjustgone**


	25. People Lie, Actions Don't

**People Lie, Actions Don't**

After answering I rushed passed them all, down the stairs and out of the house. I needed to get away from everyone, I felt as if something was tightening around my chest, causing my heart to pound against it, I could barely breathe.

Outside, I ran into Daryl, I kept my head down and kept going, hoping he wouldn't stop me. I knew he was looking at me and after a few short moments, I heard the front door open and close behind me, telling me he went inside. As I got closer to the tents I looked behind me, not looking all that closely but quickly checking that no one was there.

When I didn't see anyone, I looked back at Daryl's tent. After a few moments of just staring, gasping for air I tried to unzip the tent. It took me a few tries because my hands were shaking.

 _What the hell is wrong with me?_

I went over to my bag, beside it was my knife sheath. I quickly grabbed one of the knives and climbed out of the tent, not bothering to zip it back up.

I didn't look behind me that time as I started running. I ran into the wooded area, getting deeper and deeper into the forest. I didn't think to look for Walkers or set markers, I knew I was being stupid, I just couldn't get myself to care at that moment.

Running had me gasping for air, and as soon as I felt I was far enough, I stopped running. I took the deepest inhal I could, and then I screamed. It wasn't a high pitched squeal, more like a deep cry of frustration. Then I turned to the closest tree, lifted my knife and stabbed it. As I kept stabbing the tree, bark was starting to come off. Not all of my swings hit the right spot causing me to leave scratch marks.

I was doing this for several moments before my arm started to feel tired. I stopped my actions and placed my forehead on the mutilated tree, leaning against it.

Something touched my shoulder and I freaked out. My entire body tensed, I accidentally dropped my knife and all I could think about was the Walker that might have a hold of me. Without giving it much thought, I spun around. I pushed whatever it was off of me with one hand, and with the other I practically threw my closed fist at it. It was knocked to the ground and I made a quick movement to pick up my knife. But then I realized what it was.

"Carl?!" I yelled as he sat up. "What the fuck?!"

"What are you yelling at me for? He grumbled, beginning to stand. "You're the one that hit me."

"You're the one that scared the fuck out of me! I thought you were a Walker!" My heart was still racing. I tried my best to calm the adrenalin pumping through my body. For a brief moment, I thought pushing him might help, so I did that.

"Ow!" He protested as my push sent him to the ground again.

I rolled my eyes, "your face hurts more then that did."

"So what? It still hurt." His hand went to his cheek, there was a red mark from where my fist collided into his face.

I took a deep breath, threaded my hands through my hair, pulling it a little in frustration, "fuck." I wasn't sure why, but swearing seemed to help me feel better. I felt like my body was angry with me, it had gone into adrenalin, ready to run or fight. And now I was denying it of both.

 _Damn it. Why Carl?_

"You shouldn't swear."

"Fuck," I said again, purely for defiance reasons. "Why are you even out here? You're going to get in trouble, _again."_

"And you're not?"

His response made me think it over, and I decided to test something on him.

"So what if I do?" I asked as he stood up. "What're they going to do? Beat me?"

What surprised me was that Carl smiled, "maybe not you. Mom's still really mad at me for taking the gun. Looked like she wanted to hit me."

I narrowed my eyes. His tone was light and his smile reached his eyes, it sounded like he was joking.

"I saw you leaving, I followed you. You looked upset."

And just like that the tight feeling returned to my chest and my eyes burned. For a moment, Carl had made me forget, like he always did.

"What's wrong? What happened? I thought I heard something and everyone went inside. Mom wouldn't let me go in."

It hadn't occurred to me that he had no idea,.

"Carol's dead." I wouldn't face him, afraid he would cry and I never knew what to do when people did that. I was trying hard to not do it myself. I wasn't sure why I was feeling that way, I barely knew Carol. And as far as I could remember we'd only ever talked once at the CDC, when she gave me Sophia's clothes.

Maybe it wasn't her death that upset me so much but the way it happened. Not only had Shane killed her, but Carol begged him to.

Everyone seemed to be so done with what was going on, so done that they wanted to die. Jaqui, Andrea, Jim, the doctor, even Guillermo at some point. I felt done to, but I didn't want to die. Why was dying their solution.

I tried to think, to figure it out. What made death so appealing? What if people came to help us, like the government? What if they came and fixed everything, and all we had to do was wait it out and stay alive.

I had to push my mind from all of it when I found myself sniffling. I glanced over at Carl who was looking down at his feet, not moving or making a sound.

He glanced up, feeling my eyes on him, his eyes were wet.

"I knew . . . I knew she was going to die, I heard mom and dad talking about her. They didn't want to believe it. Everyone is just going to keep dying. I thought we were safe here."

Carol was turning or just about to. Shane shot her before it could happen. But what if Sophia had been put down like Carol had? If we had been that quick about it, Carol wouldn't have had to die.

But it was pointless to think about, because no one knew Sophia would turn. I still couldn't wrap my head around that, but I wasn't going to think about how all of us were going to turn into Walkers no matter what, nope.

 _Okay, maybe I'll think about it just a little . . ._

"I don't want anyone else to die." I heard Carl say quietly.

That was when my mind went into overdrive. I saw Carol lying in that bed, looking pale and sickly, then I saw Carl in that exact same spot with that same sickly look. I thought how Merle had left on a run and never came back, thoughts about Maggie and Glenn leaving and not coming back consumed my head. Daryl getting bitten, or maybe just finally had enough of what life was now. I remembered seeing Sophia's body on the floor after Rick shot her, her Walker-self lying broken in the hall with a bullet in her head. Because of the size of her, that image was easy to shift to Carl. And Shane, I could see him getting crowded by Walkers with no help of getting himself out.

I realized in that moment, how much I didn't want that to happen to them. To Carl, to Daryl, to Shane.

Maybe I don't hate these people as much as I thought I did.

"I'm sorry," I said suddenly. "I'm sorry I said you were stupid."

In that moment, I was no longer mad at him. Sure he said something mean, and it felt like a punch to the stomach when he said it, but I wasn't exactly being nice to him either. If the rolls were reversed I probably would've said something like that too. I did not want to waste my energy into being angry with Carl, for all I knew he could be dead tomorrow.

 _I don't want that to happen_ , I realized.

"I'm sorry too," he mumbled. "So, are we okay now? I like being with you and reading. Not as boring as everything else."

I simply stared at him, a little confused.

"I know you don't like me that much but maybe-"

"-I never said that."

"Huh?"

"I never said I didn't like you. I like you."

"Really?"

"I wouldn't be talking to you if I didn't," I said bluntly.

He didn't say anything, he just stared at me, clearly a little taken back.

"What?" I asked.

"You just don't really show it . . ."

"I don't show a lot of things," I said, turning away from him.

The gears in my head were going once more. If we wanted to stop people from dying, we needed to know what to do. We needed to be bigger, I was just a little kid but maybe I could still do something. I was allowed to shoot now, and maybe if I get better I could have my own. If we all had a gun, if we knew how to use one, we could protect everyone, no one else had to be bitten.

Suddenly my hands felt like they were aching to feel the cool metal of Shane's gun, I wanted to shoot right at that moment, I wanted to get better, I wanted to be able to help.

The thoughts of the glock, of the bullets hitting the target, the lessons clouded my thoughts of Sophia and Carol. The gun was now my main focus, if I thought about how I could help, Carol would be pushed from my mind, and I was forever grateful for it.

I look at Carl again, his cheeks are wet, showing that some tears had fallen but he was smiling slightly, right at me. There was something about it that made me feel a little better, it even made my mind go blank for the briefest moment. Then I took a look around, remembering where we were.

If I wanted to keep anyone alive, I wouldn't be able to do anything here.

"Let's go back."

He nodded, then looked worried, "you're not going to tell mom are you?"

I narrowed my eyes at him, "you think I wanna get yelled at again?"

He smiled again and we headed back. I kept close to him and kept looking around, trying to get out of the wooded area fast without running.

Running would've made too much noise.

I'd made enough of that when I was yelling earlier. Then I thought, _how much of that had Carl seen?_

* * *

Carl and I were able to sneak back onto camp easier than we anticipated. Lori found us right away but she didn't see where we came from. She told Carl she'd been looking for him, he said we were behind the RV reading.

Lori didn't look entirely convinced, after all, she was there when I gave Dale my answer about whether or not Carol was a Walker. It probably seemed unlikely I watched that happen, ran away and then went to read with Carl.

Of course, Carl had no idea what happened, he didn't know where I was before he followed me into the forest. All he knew was that Carol was dead.

Lori led Carl away from me, he glanced at me before walking away, it lasted longer than usual. I interpreted as he would find me later. I wasn't sure why but I hoped he did. While they walked away I could hear Lori asking Carl about the mark on his face. I didn't hear his response but I was sure he wasn't going to tell anyone.

I hid in the RV for a while, it wasn't that hot in there anymore, the day wasn't that hot either. I hoped it would rain, there were definitely enough clouds for it..

They had the funeral for Carol a few hours later. And because of the events of the day before, leaving Sophia unburied, it was Sophia's funeral as well as Carol's. Dale stopped in the RV to let us know when it was happening.

Guillermo just nodded and thanked him for some reason. I said nothing. I simply avoided his eyes, hoping he wouldn't say anything to me. _Did he know I lied about Carol? Did anyone know? Why did I even do it in the first place?_

I knew it was wrong to lie, but it didn't feel entirely wrong, though that didn't stop the feeling of guilt. If the others knew what really happened, what Carol wanted wouldn't have mattered, they didn't see her cry and beg for the bullet, they would only start fighting again. And Shane would be blamed.

When I noticed that Guillermo still hadn't gotten up I asked him, "you're not going?"

"Didn't know her," he said, "wouldn't be right."

 _I didn't really know her either._ I felt bad about not going, but Guillermo's answer made me feel better about it.

Guillermo yawned, it wasn't the first time. It was easy to tell he was tired, possibly exhausted.

"Is it the screaming?" I blurted. _Maybe that's why he's so tired, he still isn't sleeping well because of them._

His eyes met mine, he looked like I'd just slapped him in the face.

"How do you-"

"-You told me."

He just stared at me, wide eyed for a few moments. Until finally, he stood up, and left the RV.

 _Maybe that's one of the things I'm not supposed to be asking about._

For a while I stayed in the RV. I wandered around, going through Dale's books, knowing well that I wouldn't be able to read them. I was just doing my best to keep my mind off of Carol and Sophia.

At one point I looked out the window, I saw a few people and I guessed the funeral must be over.

I ventured out of the RV. I saw Hershel walking away from the house, toward the barn with some kind of bag.

"That's where they're keeping him," I heard Carl from behind me.

I glanced at him, suddenly remembering the man Rick and Glenn brought back.

"We just ain't gonna stop locking shit in there, are we?"

"No, not the barn, the shed I mean."

"Oh. Ain't there tools in there?"

"They took them out I guess."

"He shouldn't be here. If we feel the need to lock him up, that just proves it."

Carl didn't respond to that.

"What's he carryin' anyway?" I asked, motioning to Hershel.

"I think he has his first aid stuff in there. I heard them talking, the guy hurt his leg or something."

I nodded, for no particular reason, just to show I heard him and understood.

"Where's Shane?"

"I think he's still out front."

I nodded again and left him. I ducked around some of the group, I got a few glances but no one said anything. I didn't see Daryl, I was a little glad for it, I wasn't sure what I would say to him or what he would say to me. Daryl was smart, what if he figured it all out? And he hated Shane, that didn't help the case at all.

When I went to the front of the house, I saw Shane immediately. He was standing near the pile of rocks marking another grave. It was the grave of the guy Shane went with to get medicine for Sophia, I forgot his name. Carol's and Sophia's graves were marked by two small crosses.

I walked over to him, when I was a few feet away he must've heard me because he turned his head.

I stopped as our eyes met, feeling a little nervous. I wondered if he was mad, but then I thought why would he be mad, if anyone should be it should be me.

When he turned back to the grave I continued walking, only to stop beside him.

"Why did you do that?"

I didn't respond, I just stood there. He didn't look at me.

"You shouldn't have lied."

"You lied," I retorted.

"That's different."

"Ain't no different."

"I don't think you get it. What happens when they find out, huh?" His voice was deep and quiet, though his tone was indicating he was really trying to yell at me. He was probably trying to be quiet in case someone else came around to here. "They're not going to let that go. This is _bad_. You shouldn't have lied about it. I shouldn't have put you in that position."

 _What is he talking about?_ I wanted to hide away and not talk for the rest of the day. But my frustration and confusion was rising. I couldn't keep quiet.

I shook my head to myself when he didn't elaborate. "Even if we didn't they'd just be fighting about it. They'd think you killed her for no reason, 'specially Hershel. He already wants us gone." I wasn't sure if I was just trying to make myself or him feel better about the whole situation. "It was just . . . _easier_. And what if she did turn? Then it woulda been Sophia all over again . . ."

Shane was still quiet. Then finally, he turned slightly, glancing at me. I looked back at him, straight in the eye, trying to hold his gaze in place. It didn't work, because he turned back around.

"You asked me about who I killed. It wasn't when I was a cop."

I remembered that conversation. It was when he was telling me that I might have to choose who dies. I didn't totally get it, but I was starting to. He chose to kill Carol before she turned and killed one of us.

"Was it before that?" I asked.

He shook his head, staring at the pile of rocks. "After."

I didn't say anything, that didn't make much sense to me, he didn't stop being a cop until the end of all this. It was only a few days ago he told me he wasn't a cop anymore.

"You told me about choosing who dies . . ."

"Yeah. I chose him."

He still wasn't looking at me, still just blindly staring at the pile of rocks.

"Me and Rick got separated, I didn't know where he was. Me and Otis got what we needed for Sophia. But there were so many coming on to us. They weren't that rotted either so they weren't so slow. My ankle was hurt, Otis could barely run. The bags we had to haul didn't make it any easier."

I watched him as he talked, completely oblivious as to why he was telling me about that run. _Is it to change the subject?_

"The only thing that was important was getting everything back to Hershel for Sophia. I figured it was best one of us lived to bring back what she needed rather than both of us being torn apart by those damn things."

My eyebrows furrowed then, there was a sinking feeling in my stomach. I was starting to understand, but I definitely didn't want to.

"Didn't matter in the end though. She died anyways. It's all I can think about now that she's gone. This whole time we've been here I convinced myself I had to do it, to save Sophia. To save one of our own. To save me. But I didn't save her. Now all I can think is that it wouldn't have mattered. I didn't have to do it."

"I-I don't . . ." Was all I could stutter out, not sure what I was even planning to say. I stepped away from Shane, my brain twisting in on itself with conclusions and images I shouldn't have been imagining.

"I shot him in the leg. Took his bag and his gun. The Walkers forgot all about me with him there."

Shane turned himself all the way around to face me. There was a hardness in his expression, but his eyes looked soft, unsure.

I stepped back further. Avoiding his eyes but still looking at him.

"I killed him, I killed Carol. You shouldn't be protecting me. If they found out . . ."

I didn't say anything, finally I was lost for words.

"They'd make me go," he finished, sighing. "And maybe that's for the best. They might've done just that if you told them what really happened. Then I wouldn't be here, you would be a lot safer with me gone."

"Why?" The question escaped before I could stop it.

Shane looked shock, " _why_?" he repeated.

"Carol woulda found a way to do it without you if she had to. If someone wants to die no one's gonna stop 'em."

He just shook his head. "That doesn't change anything."

"Anyone else know? About . . ."

He hesitated, "I think Rick does. I didn't meet up with him until after it happened. We haven't talked about it but . . . I'm sure he does . . . I should've left when I had the chance."

"You were gonna leave?"

"I was. I am. It's probably better that I leave."

It was my turn to hesitate. I knew what I wanted to say. But I felt like I shouldn't say it, he told me he killed Otis. _Why wasn't I more scared, more concerned?_

"I don't want you to leave. It ain't like you did it for no reason right? It was to help . . ."

He stared me in the eyes, "and if I do it again? What if there isn't a reason next time? After what I just told you, why would you want me here? You should be scared of me."

"But I ain't. You're not gonna kill me," I said, surprising myself with how steady my voice was.

"Oh, yeah?" Shane bent over toward him, his hands on his knees. I knew he was trying to look threatening. But his eyes still held that soft expression they always did when he looked at me. "What makes you so sure of that?"

"You don't touch me. You never even hit me, even after stealin' your gun and aimin' it at your head."

His expression went blank after I said that, he looked as if he was lost for words.

"And you taught me how to shoot. You wouldn't do that if you were gonna kill me." I could see what he was doing. He wanted me to want him to leave, he was trying to scare me. While I did feel uneasy, I wasn't that scared anymore. It scared me when he first said it, but thinking over everything he's said, all that he's done, he was still Shane. _Wasn't he?_

He stood up straight, no longer trying to look intimidating. "Things aren't always that simple."

"You're not going to hurt me." I said, looking him in the eyes. He'd promised that so many times before. And for some reason, I'd never believed it more than I did in that moment.

"No, I'm not," he confessed.

"Besides, you can't go. You haven't taught me how to hit a movin' target."

"Lots of people can help you with that, you don't need me."

"I need your gun."

He smiled then.

I glanced behind me, double checking that no one was there.

"Can . . . Can I ask ya somethin'?"

He nodded.

". . . Did you want to kill before or did you just do it?" I wasn't sure if I was making any sense.

He seemed to get what I was asking, "I didn't think about it before it happened. It was all too quick for that."

"Do you ever want to kill again?"

"Sometimes."

"Who?"

He shook his head, "enough. I shouldn't be telling you this. I shouldn't have told you any of it. You're a kid . . . I'm sorry. God dammit, what the hell's wrong with me?" He rubbed his eyes with his index finger and thumb.

I didn't say anything.

"Maybe . . . why don't you run along now, huh? Go find Carl or something."

"Will you take me to shoot?"

He shook his head, "not today."

I tried not to look disappointed and began to walk away. After a few steps, I turned to look back at him.

"Are you gonna leave?"

He looked back at me, "no. I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

"But I know how. I got those squirrels myself so you and Merle could teach me to skin 'em. I know what to do."

Daryl sighed.

I was on my way to see Carl like Shane suggested, but then I saw Daryl going through his bag. His crossbow was slung over his shoulder. I wasn't sure how I knew, but I could tell he was leaving. It had been a lot more awkward between us since the barn incident, he was still angry I didn't understand whatever he was trying to tell me. But I pretended like I forgot about it as I approached him. I asked if I could go hunting with him, he told me no. I was trying to make a good argument for myself.

He stood up and tossed his bag into the tent.

"I ain't even goin' for that long. Just gonna check the snares and see what else I can find."

"I can help. I reset snares for Merle."

I regretted mentioning Merle right away. Something in Daryl's expression changed at the mention of his brother, but I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.

Daryl stepped closer to me, narrowing his eyes, "He let you do that?"

I nodded.

"Then what?" he asked as he stood over me, watching my expression carefully.

"Huh?" The way he was looking at me made me feel a bit anxious.

"After you set it. What he say?"

I looked back on that time in the woods with Merle, trying to remember, "he said it was fine."

Daryl narrowed his eyes, staring at me for the longest time, as if waiting for more.

"Then he said I have shit luck."

Daryl still didn't move or say anything.

When I couldn't take it anymore I said, "What?"

"Merle don't let anyone fuck with his snares. Not even me."

I didn't say anything to that. I looked down to the ground, not sure how I was supposed to react to that.

"I ain't waitin' on ya. Let's go, grab your knives."

My head shot up in surprise and excitement, but Daryl had already turned around, leaving.

"And for God's sake put somethin' on your damn feet!"

* * *

 **Tumblr: TobyJustGone**

 **Thank you for your patience - Penn**


	26. Good Intentions Go Bad

**Good Intentions Go bad**

"Jesus, girl."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, "it ain't my fault, they don't fit."

Daryl just shook his head and looked away. He was holding his crossbow up, ready to use it if he had to.

We'd been walking for about ten minutes, maybe longer. The boots Maggie gave me were making much more noise than anticipated. It was annoying both me and Daryl a lot. Though I'm sure I was more embarrassed than annoyed. I was sure that after this, he wasn't going to let me go with him again.

I didn't say anything after defending myself. I told myself I wasn't going to say anything unless I had to, I'd be quiet. It felt awesome to be out in the woods when I was allowed to be.

I saw something out of the corner of my eye and turned. I saw a rabbit, not too far from me. I wasn't sure if Daryl saw it, but I didn't risk talking or turning to him.

When I grabbed my knives from the tent, I also got my slingshot from my bag. I slowly pulled it out from my waistband and knelt to the ground. One of my hands searched the ground, under the leaves and the dirt, looking for a rock. I kept glancing up and down, looking for a good sized rock while making sure the rabbit didn't go anywhere.

I was sure it was looking at me, but it didn't sense any danger in that moment, though it was alert. It was easy to tell by the stillness of it, and the way the ears twitched.

I kept my breathing steady and quiet as my fingers found the rough edges of a rock, it was an okay size, I would've preferred bigger but I couldn't risk looking away from creature. I was afraid if I even blinked, it would be gone.

I hadn't actually hunted anything since I got those three squirrels. It felt like forever ago. I took my aim, positioning the slingshot in the way I needed to. I took me a long time to prepare the shot, longer than I wanted to admit. I took a deep breath, exhaling as I released the rock.

I smiled when I realised I'd hit my target, the rock had hit the head of the rodent. I turned, about to call to Daryl only to see he was right behind me.

 _He was watching._

I suddenly became embarrassed and looked away.

"You ain't too bad with that, huh?" He said, walking toward the kill.

 _Yeah, if only I was this good with my knives or a gun._

When Daryl was a few steps away the rabbit suddenly started moving, kicking it's legs to stand. Daryl quickly aimed his crossbow, which was already loaded, and shot the rabbit.

"Ya stunned it," he told me, picking the rabbit up by the ears and pulling his bolt out of it.

My smile was gone, I was greatly disappointed. He must've seen it when he turned back to me.

"You did good, fucker's just stubborn."

I smiled a little.

We didn't see any other game to hunt down after that. Daryl had some snares set but only caught two rodents, a squirrel and a rabbit. He told me to reset the snares, he only had to correct me once. We wandered around a bit longer before he suggested we turn back.

"Good thing we got lots'a canned shit."

I nodded in agreement, "Hershel's got vegetables and stuff, fruit."

"Should be good for a while. Even if we gotta take off, cans should last us a good while."

"Thank you," I said suddenly.

Daryl slowed his pace to look at me, confused, "What? Why?"

"For takin' me with you."

He looked down at me, shrugging a shoulder.

I honestly didn't think he'd have anything else to say, I figured we would both be quiet. But a few minutes later, as we arrived back at camp, he spoke again.

"Was talkin' to Dale, he told me what happened. That you were there."

Anxiety filled me, _does he know? Does he know I lied? What did Dale say? Does Dale know too?_

He was quiet for a few moments, I was sure he was waiting for me to say something.

"Must've sucked," he said when I remained quiet. He hesitated before asking the next question, "why were you up there anyway? Shane take you?"

I could hear the rising suspicion in his voice, the accusation. But it made me feel calm. _He doesn't know._

"Bathroom," I answered.

He nodded and led us over to the tent, "I'ma gonna go find a bucket or somethin' we'll get started."

"Started?"

Daryl dropped the dead rodents on the ground in front of his tent.

"Didn't think I'd let you go after that, did ya? You wanted to hunt, you finish the job."

I was surprised, I didn't think he would want me to do anything. The first time, when Merle taught me how to skin a squirrel, Daryl didn't seem happy about it.

"You want me to do it?"

"You want dinner don't ya?" he said before turning, looking to retrieve a bucket. I put my slingshot and my knives back in the tent.

* * *

When Daryl gave me a knife, I noticed it was the same one I used before to skin, he was using another.

Daryl only made me skin the one rabbit. He corrected me endlessly, but he did say I wasn't that bad. I found it strange how quickly things changed between us. Sometimes it was nice and seemed like he didn't mind me around, and other times it felt as if he was immensely annoyed by me. I wondered if he was just being nice because of what happened with Carol.

While Daryl was skinning the last carcass he sent me off to get washed up.

I was going to the nearest well, and I saw Maggie was there.

She turned to me and began to smile, but the smile was gone quickly.

"Toby? What-why do you have blood on you?!" She was hurrying over to me, she had an expression of panic.

"I went hunting with Daryl. I skinned a rabbit," I smiled proudly.

"Oh, come on. Let's get you into the shower."

I shook my head, "I'm just gonna use the well."

"No, hun. You need new clothes."

I looked down at myself. I suddenly felt guilty and a little scared. I'd forgotten that these weren't my clothes. The mess on the shirt wasn't too bad, but it was stained. The sleeves were the worst.

"I-I sorry," I sputtered, "I forgot-"

"-No, no. Don't worry about it. I'm not worried about the clothes, we have lots of them. Those don't even fit Beth anymore."

Maggie took me inside to use the shower. When I was done, I wore the same jeans as before because there wasn't anything else. Maggie gave me another long-sleeved shirt, the new shirt was a bit thicker, more sweater-like. I didn't mind it, it wasn't very warm out anyway.

I didn't see Maggie when I got out of the bathroom, so I retreated downstairs. Downstairs, in the livingroom stood several people, Dale, Lori, Rick, Hershel, T-Dog, Glenn, Shane, and Guillermo.

I was very surprised to see Guillermo amongst the rest of them. He was on the far side of the room, standing away from everyone else.

"It was all I could do. I cleaned the wound, bandaged his leg. There wasn't much I could do, there isn't much left. He'll have nerve damage, won't be on his feet for a while. At the least, a week." Hershel said.

"When he is, we give him a canteen, take him out to the main road, send him on his way." Rick explained.  
"Isn't that the same as leaving him for the _Muertos_?"

Everyone turned their heads to Guillermo, surprised by his input.

"He'll have a fighting chance," Rick assured after getting over the surprise.  
"Just gonna let him go?" Shane obviously disapproved. "He knows where we are."

"He was blindfolded the whole way here. He's not a threat."  
Shane scoffed, "not a threat. How many of them were there? You killed three of their men, you took one of them hostage, but they just ain't gonna come looking?"

 _Killed three of their men? What the hell is going on? That's why that guy was here, as a hostage? Things are getting really weird._

"They left him for dead, no one is looking." Rick argued.  
"We should still post a guard." Glenn said.

"He's out cold right now, will be for hours." Hershel explained.

"You know what?" Shane threw a hand in the air, turning away. "I'm gonna go get him some flowers and candy. Look at this, folks, we back in fantasy land!"

Hershel was quick, moving to block Shane's way. "You know, we haven't even dealt with what you did at my barn yet. Let me make this perfectly clear once and for all. This is _my_ farm. Now I want all of you gone, _especially_ you. Rick talked me out of it, _for now_ , but that doesn't mean I have to like it. So do us both a favor keep your mouth shut."

Shane just shook his head, and stormed off.

"Look," Rick said, "we're not going to do anything about it today, let's just cool off."

"I'm going to go check on Bethy," Hershel sighed before turning to go down the hall.

"He still won't let us stay?" Lori turned to Rick using a hushed tone.

" _For now_. I'm working on it. I'll change his mind, I have to."

"This is because of Shane," she said angrily. "He cost us with Hershel, he should've left the barn alone."

I narrowed my eyes at her, glaring, even though none of them knew I was there.

"Hey, listen," T-Dog stepped forward, "I shot too, it wasn't just Shane. It was good that Shane did what he did, _when_ he did. If that barn had any more we could've been overrun."

 _And once again, I like T-Dog._

"You can't tell me that it was right," Dale looked appalled.

"Look, I got no qualms about it. Walkers in my backyard. Hm-mm," T-Dog shook his head.

"I'm not saying we shouldn't have taken care of the problem but creating a panic-" Dale started, only to be interrupted by T-Dog.

"-he didn't. The panic started with Sophia. Then we found out we all have whatever this is."

"He's grieving, he'll come around," Rick said.

I shook my head to myself, going to the door. _Screw this, I'm going back to the tent. Why does everything have to be so freaking weird?_ I was glad when the sky finally grew dark, I was ready to sleep.

* * *

 _Daryl wasn't in the tent. I didn't remember going to sleep or waking up, but I was sitting on top of the sleeping bag alone. I heard sounds outside and I felt myself begin to panic, though I wasn't sure why._

 _I forced myself toward the entrance of the tent, then I was out. I hadn't even started unzipping the flap, yet there I was, standing outside. I felt like I couldn't breathe, but that wasn't what was bothering me._

 _There was a figure in front of me, I didn't see their face because their back was turned to me. I didn't know why I started to scream for Daddy. I don't know why I thought it was him, but I couldn't get myself to stop. I couldn't move, all I could do was scream, but he never turned around. He just stood there._

 _Then my shoulder was grabbed, I turned, continuing to scream as I saw a Walker, about the same height as me. His hair was brown, his skin didn't look dead like a Walker's normally would. It was white and looked almost flawless. But the eyes, the eyes were very much dead. Carl._

I jerked awake, sitting up and gasping for air. Daryl was sitting on top of his sleeping bag, staring at me. It was obvious he'd been awake for a while. I looked away from him, embarrassed.

"Foods ready," he said after a while. "Eat somethin'."

He didn't say anything else and he wasn't moving. I looked back up at him to see him still staring, his eyebrows raised expectantly. It took me a second to realise he was looking for a response, so I nodded. My mind was occupied with the events of the day before.

"After you ate Shane wanted to take you out shootin'."

My eyes widened, _him and Daryl talked? Shane talked to Daryl?_ "he told you that?"

I couldn't read Daryl's expression, but it seemed stern, and negative.

"No, heard him talkin' to Rick 'bout goin' out. Rick told him he shouldn't be goin' anywhere. When they started fightin' again I left it. Don't wanna hear them pussy bitches goin' at it anymore."

"So I'm not goin'? Cause a' Rick?"

"Don't know how it turned out, I doubt Shane cared what he had to say. Then he came over here lookin' for you. I told him you were sleepin', then I told him to fuck off."

"Oh," I said, not exactly surprised.

"You need to tell him the same."

I furrowed my eyebrows, a little confused.

"Too much shit is goin' on right now, don't need you runnin' off out there. 'Specially with him."

"But I'm gettin' better. I can shoot now. I asked him to take me. I want to go," I knew I was getting defensive. _Since when does Daryl care what I do?_

"We got enough shit to worry about, not puttin' you on that damn list."

"Who the hells gonna worry 'bout me?"

"Listen," Daryl face contorted to anger. "Every time someone takes off all hell breaks loose. You're not goin'."

"I went out with you!" I protested. _What the hell is happening?_

"That's different."

"The fuck it is!" _What the heck is his problem? I know he hates Shane but why am I dragged into it?_

"Stop. Things calm down you can shoot again, but it don't gotta be him. Everyone should stay in one place for now."

"No reason I shouldn't be shootin' now," I argued.

"Listen-"

I wasn't sure what came over me in that moment, maybe it was anger or annoyance, or just my confusion. But I couldn't stop myself, and I was glad I didn't, because after I said it, I felt . . . _better_.

"-No."

"What?"

"No. I don't wanna listen, you're just gonna repeat the same thing in different words anyway. I'm not in trouble, so there ain't nothin' worth listenin' to. You don't care what I do, and you ain't gonna do anythin' 'bout it."

He stared at me in shock, lips parting slightly.

I could feel myself shaking slightly, I tried my best to keep my face blank even though I was terrified. I stared back at him, it was obvious he had nothing to say.

"Bye," I said, crawling over to the flap of the tent he'd left unzipped. Leaving the tent, I didn't stop, I hurried my steps to the RV, walking around it. When I was alone I leaned my back against the RV, taking a deep breath and letting it out.

Holy shit. I was shaking, and my heart was pounding, it was a whole new feeling, like a new type of adrenalin. I imagined what would happen if I talked to Daddy that way, or if he'd even heard me talk like that to anyone else. I probably would've gotten the beating of a lifetime.

Then I imagined what the group would do, if I talked to any of them. I thought about what Daryl would do later, would he try and find me? Yell at me? Maybe he would. But what did it matter? He wasn't my dad, he wasn't blood. It wasn't like he was whipping out his belt.

I felt myself smile, and then I laughed that I was smiling. _What is going on in my life?_

After taking a few minutes to compose myself, I got out from behind the RV.

I saw most of the group walking toward the house and up the steps. Lori was walking in the opposite direction, toward me and the RV with a basket of laundry. Then I saw Dale, pushing passed some of the others down the steps of the porch.

Not a full minute later did Carl find me.

"Hey!"

I turned my head to the RV, he was inside, looking out the window. I went inside the RV, no one else was there but Carl. He was sitting at the table, the table had paper crumpled up into balls all over and some pens and pencils.

I furrowed my eyebrows at the mess in front of him.

"I'm getting bored of my comics," he explained. "And I thought you might be too. So I tried making my own."

"Hows that?"

"Not good. I can't really draw."

We both heard Dale's voice, it drew our attention away from the conversation. His voice was muffled and sounded far away, but his tone was urgent. Lori, who was a few feet from the window beside the table of the RV, could be heard perfectly.

"What can I do for you, Dale?" she asked, obviously disinterested.

"I need a word," Dale approached Lori, we could hear him in his close proximity.

"About what?"

Carl and I watched out the window as Dale quickly glanced behind him, "everyone go inside? Where's Carl?"

"He's asking around for paper and pens. What is it?"

Carl glanced at me, his eyes widening slightly. Lori obviously didn't know Carl had already found what he wanted.

"I saw Daryl go in," Dale said, "what about Toby, did you see her?"

Lori sighed, already tired of the conversation, "I heard Daryl tell Shane she was asleep still. Why are you-"

"-I just needed a word with you, privately."

I stepped to the side, away from the window. I was at an angle where I was sure they wouldn't see me if they looked, but I also couldn't see them. All I could see was the top of Dale's hat. Carl leaned back into the booth, angling himself also. Our eyes met again, we both knew we weren't supposed to hear what was going to be said.

"Dale, really. What is this about?"

"I'm going to talk and you're going to listen," once again, Dale's tone gave a sense of urgency to moment. "I'm an old man, too old for arguments and I want you to know that I really don't want this to become one. I'm going to say what I have to say and then we're done."

Dale paused, but quickly started again, as if afraid Lori would interrupt.

"Rick is the backbone of this group. He's the one stable thing we've all got. He knows this. That's why when he's scared you can't tell . . . you know he's scared, but he isn't showing it. We need that, we need _him_. I don't know what you did with Shane-"

"-What?" Then Lori was sputtering out syllables, trying to come up with a response.

"Lori, I'm not here to fight or accuse you of anything. I don't know what you did to put ideas in his head. I may have an idea, but I won't accuse you of anything. But, Lori, if that baby is his and not Rick's, I'm begging you . . . take it to your grave."

Dale paused once again, but he wasn't as hurried to continue. He took a deep breath, speaking much slower.

"It'll kill him. It'll be the one last thing it takes to make him crack. And we don't need that. I'm not accusing you of anything so don't try to defend yourself. I just wanted to say my piece and I appreciate you sitting through it. I'm going to go inside now and join the others, Hershel has something to tell us. I'll see you in there."

I watched out the window, Dale's hat left my field of vision. I couldn't see Lori, but I knew she was still there. Carl and I looked at each other, wide-eyed once again, frozen in place, hoping she didn't decide to go in the RV and discover us.

Then a few moments later we heard her footsteps, then she walked into view of the window and out of it again, on her way to the house. I moved quickly, leaning over the table to look out the window to see her back to us, walking away. She didn't have her laundry basket anymore.

"Baby?" Carl whispered. "My mom's having a baby?"

"You didn't know about it?"

He shook his head, "did you?"

"Course not! Why would anyone tell me that? She's not my mom."

Carl was staring down at the table, processing everything we heard.

"Why didn't she tell me?"

"Dale knows. We're probably the only ones that didn't know," I told him. "We're kids. No one tells us shit."

He frowned, turning his gaze to the window, "I guess you're right."

* * *

Carl didn't say anything else for the remainder of the time I spent with him. It wasn't like him at all and made me feel a little uncomfortable.

After a while he got up from his seat, saying he wasn't feeling well and then left to his tent. Once he was gone I contemplated what to do. I wondered about Lori, the baby and the connection between Shane and her. If Rick was Carl's dad, why wouldn't he be the baby's dad? I shook my head to myself, deciding it didn't matter, at least not to me.

I left the RV, alone and bored. Once I was outside I hated how vulnerable I felt, I hated being so close to Daryl's tent when he could get out of the house any second and head for it. I didn't want to see him and I was sure he didn't want to see me. So after thinking about it, I went around the house to where the graves were.

I looked over the graves. Sophia, Carol, Otis, and two others I didn't know were just under the surface. I stepped closer to Otis' grave, placing my hand on the pile of rocks as I thought over Shane's confession.

 _Why did he tell me? Of all people, why me?_ He obviously wanted me to know for some reason. Now shooting Carol while she was still alive wasn't the only secret I was keeping for him. For the briefest moment I wondered about telling someone, but the thought was gone almost immediately. I knew I wasn't going to tell anyone. I didn't think Shane was bad, even after what he told me. He thought it was the right thing to do, he was trying to make it right. That meant he wasn't bad.

I sighed, wondering how everything got so complicated. Everything was fine, simple, easy before I met these people. I just wanted to be able to go back and be at home with Daddy.

Instead of wondering when he was going to show his face, I began to wonder if he even would. It was becoming clear that even if he did come for me, nothing would be the same, we may not even be able to go back home.

I turned around, my thoughts becoming disrupted by footsteps.

"You're up. How you doing, kiddo?" Shane smiled at me. It was a soft smile and he avoided meeting my eyes.

"What did Hershel want?" I asked, remembering Dale said something about Hershel needing to tell them something.

He was surprised, his smile disappeared, "you know about that?"

I nodded.

"Don't worry about it."

"Tell me."

He sighed, pressing his lips together in a thin line. He thought it over before answering.

"They're still trying to decide what to do about our Randall problem. Hershel wanted to make it clear that when the problem is solved, no matter how, we're gone." Shane scoffed, "you'd think the guy would be a bit more grateful. Rick and Glenn went out there to save his ass, it's his fault we're even having this problem."

After I didn't say anything, he continued. At first he'd been contemplating how much to tell me, that was obvious, but when he started it seemed like he couldn't stop.

"Hell, if I was still leaving I wouldn't care less if they all had to leave. I'd take care of the problem right now. There's not much we can do, I mean we can't risk letting him go. Who knows what kinda assholes he's teamed up with. They already tried killing Rick, Glenn and Hershel."

"They did?"

He nodded, "when they went out to find Hershel they met some not so nice guys. Killed a few of them then more of their people showed up. We could be looking at having a war on our hands! If we let that kid go alive and he tells his people where to find us . . ."

He trailed off, sighing angrily and running a hand over his shaven head. "I'm sorry, kiddo. I shouldn't be laying all this on you."

"It's better for me to know, right?"

He hesitated before smiling, "yeah. You're right. You still interested in shooting? Thought we'd go out for a bit, you can try hitting a moving target."

I furrowed my eyebrows, "but I can barely hit a still one."

"Well, I don't know what's going to happen and I'm planning for the worst. I don't want to use too much of the ammo, even if we have plenty to spare. It's best we start jumping ahead of the game, or at least give it a try."

I nodded in understanding.

He stared back at me, running his hand over his head again. "Why don't you meet me by the car, I'm gonna go grab some things."

I nodded and did what he said. Shane took longer then I thought he would, I stood by the car and stared at camp while I waited. Soon enough, I saw him, he had his Mossberg in one hand and a coil of rope in the other. Lori was following him, talking to him but he didn't seem to be listening.

Lori followed him all the way to the car. I watched as Shane rolled his eyes and shook his head. He opened the back door of the car, placing his shotgun and the rope inside.

"Are you even listening?!" She practically screeched.

I just scrunched my nose and looked away, pretending not to listen.

Shane slammed the car door hard, making me jump.

Shane turned to her finally, "you made it perfectly clear you don't want me around you and Carl. Toby is not your child, she's not your concern, I take care of her, I call the shots."

I couldn't resist raising my head after that. Lori's expression turned to that of a snarl.

"Just because my son and I are not your problem anymore," She practically spat in his face. Her eyes briefly met mine, "does not make Toby your excuse to behave as if you have _any_ authority."

There was a deadly silence then. I expected Shane to reply with a sarcastic comment or even to yell, but he didn't.

"Goodbye, Lori." He turned away to walk around the car. Lori shook her head and turned away, walking back to camp.

I got into the car right after Shane.

"What was that about?" I asked.

"I had some things to say about Rick. Lori didn't enjoy hearing them," he said simply.

Shane started the car and drove out of the parking lot. As he drove I sneaked a glance at his expression, there were times he looked really sad, and then just plain angry. After only a few minutes of driving he stopped the car.

"Why are we-"

"-I can't drive like this, not safe," his voice was low, almost sounding like a growl.

He banged his forehead on the steering wheel before punching it, letting out a yell of anger. Then he continued to pull and shake the steering wheel, rocking the car somewhat.

I swallowed nervously, slightly cowering into the seat at his sudden outburst. He stopped only a minute after.

He leaned his head against the steering wheel, breathing in deeply with his eyes closed.

"I miss her," he said suddenly. "And now, everything I did means nothing. Everything I said, everything she said, it's nothing. She won't stop being angry about it. I didn't lie to her!"

I furrowed my eyebrows, incredibly confused about what he was talking about. But I thought it would be smart not to say anything or ask questions right away.

"I thought he was dead," Shane continued. "I put my ear to his chest and I swore . . . I was so sure I didn't hear anything. I wouldn't have left him if I thought otherwise. They were my family.

I protected them both, I kept them alive and they . . . they kept me alive. They gave me a reason, so many reasons. I loved them, I love them. I did everything and . . . it doesn't even matter. I owed it to Rick, to take care of them. I couldn't save him so I had to save his family, but they became my family."

It finally came to me who he was talking about. I kept quiet, it wasn't my turn to speak. His eyes were closed tight, as if he was fighting back tears. I wondered if he even knew what he was saying.

"I've thought about it more than once, and I hate it, how much I want to . . . to take her back. If I just got him out of the way. Then it will be the way it was. But I know, I know that's not true. He's my best friend, has been since high school."

He fell silent for a long time. I was sure he would continue. But after thinking through everything he said. I had to speak.

"You want to kill Rick."

Shane finally raised his head and opened his eyes to meet mine. They were wet and bloodshot.

"Before, I asked if you wanted to kill again. You said-"

"-Sometimes," he finished, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Then you wouldn't tell me who. It's Rick. Carl's dad." I let it sink in as I said it, I had no idea what to feel about it. Wanting to do something is different than actually doing it. My mouth was open but I didn't say anything else. I thought over his confession about killing Otis, then the sound of the gun as he shot a bullet into Carol's skull, the way her body limply fell off the bed. He killed Otis. He killed Carol. He wants to kill Rick.

 _And he thinks killing Randall is the best option._ The pattern was easy to spot, but was it a pattern worth thinking over? Carol was dying, she wanted to die in her way before she became a Walker. Otis, I couldn't exactly excuse because even if Shane said that it was the only way to get back with the supplies, I wasn't there. Randall was hard to consider, he could be dangerous but he could also be harmless. He was some stranger, and strangers killed Guillermo's people.

But killing Rick was something I couldn't see the reason behind. Because he was mad at him? Because he was in the way?

 _What if I made him mad? What if I get in his way?_

I look back at Shane, a whole new feeling of fear and unease circulating within me. I had no idea what to do. I had to wonder if Shane would even consider killing me, and if he did, over what? I couldn't count the times I've made him mad and he'd barely laid a hand on me. The only time was at the CDC, and he was drunk. Daddy did so many worse things drunk then grab my arms. Did it really make any sense to be afraid of him because of something he wants to do, but hasn't?

"M-Maybe . . . Maybe we should go back," I said carefully, leaning against the car door to create some more space.

"You're scared of me," he concluded, staring at me.

"N-No." I denied, "just . . . everyone might be mad that we left. Daryl told me not to."

Shane looked away from me, "let me worry about Daryl, let's go practise."

Shane sighed and shifted himself in the seat. I watched him carefully as he undid the buckle of hig gun holster and pulled his Glock out. My eyes widened and I went to grab the door handle as he lifted it. But then he turned it around, pointing the handle at me.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"You don't have to worry about me either, kiddo. You can have this the whole time if it makes you feel better. I won't do anything. Come on, take it."

I took the gun from him hesitantly, almost afraid it was some sort of test. But once I had it, he started the car again and he started driving.

"I'm sorry. It seems I'm apologising to you a lot lately."

"You are."

He turned his head to his side window, possible checking the mirror, "I don't know who I am anymore."

"You're officer Shane," I said.

He shook his head, "I'm just Shane."

* * *

 **So I'm sorta off school. The teachers are on strike so no classes. Might sound cool but it sucks to have this break in the middle of term. I have no idea when class will start again.**

 **How was your halloween? I went as Chucky.**

 **Let me know what you think of the chapter or send me asks on Tumblr: Tobyjustgone**


	27. A House Divided

**_Merry Christmas! _****hazzaxkat** : **h** **ere's your fix!**

 **A House Divided**

After target practice, Shane was driving while Toby sat in the passenger seat. He brought rope with him to tie a small log of would to a branch so it would swing. It was meant to help Toby aim at moving objects. When they were done he left it hanging for when they could return.

He quietly sighed to himself as he glanced at the young girl out of the corner of his eye. She was sitting very still, looking down at her lap where she still held his Glock.

"It'll get easier," he said. He couldn't think of much else to say, the air between them was tense and awkward. He hated himself for telling her what he'd done to Otis, he hated how he confessed his feelings about Rick and his family. He knew he'd scared her. Shane had spent so much time trying to build a bond and establish trust with her, he was afraid it all shattered. He admitted that his anger got the best of him, that was why he told her, he couldn't hold it back, he had no control. In the very long moments he'd explained his feelings, he'd forgotten who he was talking to, _what_ he was talking to, a child.

He didn't seem to ruin things too bad, he thought to himself. During practise she was obviously nervous for the first while, then she became more comfortable, even quirking small smiles at him every so often. He'd make a few jokes, talk to her normally to make her feel better. She'd only hit the target three times, after a while of not getting it, she got tense again. It was obvious she was disappointed and a bit angry.

"Just a waste of ammo," she mumbled.

Shane shook his head, "you'll get it, kiddo. We'll go back and try again soon. All of this isn't just so you can protect yourself from Walkers. It's to protect yourself from everything. With that kid back at the farm who knows what'll happen. It isn't a waste of ammo to teach you how to save your own life or someone else's. You just need more time. You'll get it, I promise."

Shane could feel her eyes on him. After spending so much time with her, he could tell when the girl was confused. After every failed shot she always seemed to be looking, waiting for a scolding or for him to blow up. And the times she did get it, she waited for approval before becoming excited.

He didn't know a lot about her father, but he could guess a lot about him. Toby seemed to be waiting for her father's short temper to pop out in everyone. She had no idea why Shane wasn't angry with her for not doing good. He tried not to draw too much attention to it, instead he reacted calmly and gave her some encouragement.

He could see soon many differences in the girl since he'd met her. For one she talked to him, now a lot more than before. She spoke unexpectedly instead of just when she was spoken too. She also seemed more comfortable around the others.

"The other day . . ." She started hesitantly, "you were telling me about choosing. Choosing who dies. Like . . . like how you chose that Otis dies so you could live."

He regarded her statement and nodded, wondering where she was taking it. "I chose for me and Sophia to live. All of that equipment, the medicine was supposed to make her better."

"What if I don't want to choose?"

Shane hesitated, thinking it over. He knew the answer, but he wasn't sure what to tell her. He also didn't want to lie to her, he wanted her to understand how things were, how things had changed. He was the only one who understood how things were supposed to be, he didn't want Toby to be blind like the others were.

"Then it might be you," he told her gently. He quietly watched for a reaction, but Toby didn't give one. She just turned to stare out the window.

Upon their arrival back to the farm, Shane received an earful from Rick. The group's plans were to halt training until the Randall problem was solved, Shane didn't agree with it. Toby gave Shane his gun back as the two argued, then she quietly slipped away.

Toby walked over to hers and Daryl's tent, but Daryl was nowhere in sight. She felt nervous and embarrassed about their fight earlier, she wondered if Daryl would yell at her, or if he wouldn't let her sleep in the tent anymore. She tried to keep herself calm and assure herself that it was what she wanted, she wanted to talk back, she wanted to test the waters with Daryl. That was why she sat there and waited for him to return instead of avoiding him.

She was testing what Daryl had told her about getting in trouble, that the outcome would be so much different than it would be with her father.

 _"It's not what's done. Not the way it works. Why do you think no one's beatin' you now? After some of the shit you've pulled."_

 _"Because I'm not their business?"_

 _"No, because adults aren't supposed to beat kids bloody!"_

Daryl returned shortly after she did. Their eyes met briefly as Toby waited for his reaction.

"How'd shootin' go?" He asked as he placed two dead rabbits on the ground.

It wasn't what she was expecting. She tried to act normal as she responded, "sucked."

He only nodded as he grabbed his spare knife from his pack and handed it to her.

She took it from him, watching him carefully. _Nothing?_ She thought. _I'm seriously not even going to get yelled at?_

Daryl took his own knife and began working one of the rabbits. "Grab Merle's jacket and get started."  
"Huh?"

"His jacket, it's in the tent. You make a goddamn mess when you skin."

Toby did as he said and grabbed Merle's jacket from the tent, she knew where it was, right beside her sleeping bag. She spent a lot of nights staring at it as she fell asleep.

As Toby got the jacket on and began gutting the rabbit, she kept glancing at Daryl, as if waiting for him to blow up at her.

But nothing happened.

* * *

 _Four days passed_ , four days of the group arguing in circles with no solution to the Randall problem. Toby and Shane weren't able to go back out to shoot. Whether it was because Shane was busy, or the others didn't want them to go she wasn't sure.

Toby spent those days more bored than ever, she spent some time with Carl, who was failing to make his own comic book. Some time she spent with Shane and Maggie. Toby liked Maggie, she was nice to her but not in a fake pitying way. Maggie tried her best to get to know the young girl, but Toby would only answer so many questions. Daryl took her with him a few times to check and reset the snares, but he wouldn't let her go further beyond those points. They never brought up their argument.

At the end of the fourth day it was decided that on the fifth day Shane and Rick would go far out to leave Randall. The group had no idea whether to kill the boy or keep him alive, so it was decided he'd be far away from the farm so he couldn't find his way back to them.

Shane disagreed with the idea and even told Toby his opinion when it was decided. Toby agreed with him, not really seeing anything wrong with Shane's logic.

Toby watched the two men load Randall in the trunk a few yards away. Randall was tied, gagged, and blindfolded, they gave him some kind of radio with earplugs to drown out any sound.

Toby felt uneasy about Shane leaving with Rick. Toby knew how Shane felt about him, she didn't have a good feeling about them being alone together. She wasn't just afraid for Rick though, she was afraid neither of them would make it back. She was also afraid Shane would decide not to come back. He told her once that he thought it was better he leave, but he decided to stay.

Toby thought about the night they brought Randall back. She'd overheard what happened that night, the others had barely made it back from that trip.

Rick walked around the car to the driver's seat while Shane turned around, noticing Toby.

"Won't be gone too long," Shane told her as he approached.

"You gonna come back?" Toby looked down at her boots, attempting to act indifferent to his answer.

"Yeah, of course." he said quickly. "I'll always be back, kiddo, you know it."

Toby looked up from her boots and to the car, avoiding Shane's eyes, "like you said daddy would come back."

Shane took a moment before responding, his guilt rising inside of him.

"Yeah, just like that." He sighed, "you're right, I shouldn't be lying to you. So I'll be honest . . ."

Shane crouched down, tilting his head into her field of vision so she couldn't avoid his eyes.

"I don't know when I'll come back, or if. You never know what can happen out there. But I can promise I'll do everything I can to make sure I get back to you."

"To me?"

"That's right."

"Not just to Lori and Carl?"

"No, not just to them."

Shane saw Toby's eyebrows twitch slightly as she fought to keep her expression blank.

Shane looked around quickly, making sure no one was watching. He reached into his holster and pulled out his Glock, before holding it out to her.

"Here. You take this for now and keep it until I come back. Just don't let anyone know you have it."

Toby slowly took it from him, holding the heavy weapon with both hands.

"Hurry up, put it away. You keep that with you, keep yourself safe. Don't show anyone, don't tell anyone. You got it? Not even Carl."

"What about you?"

"I'll get a spare, don't worry about me, kiddo."

Shane watched her as she tucked the gun into the waistband of her pants and pulled her shirt over to cover it.

"Good, now if anyone sees, don't let them take it from you. You tell them I said so." He gave her a smile, lifting his hand to squeeze her shoulder. He made his actions slow, just to be sure his gesture wasn't unwelcome. "I'll try to be back soon."

* * *

Maggie was sitting on the porch watching as the guests on her property walked around their camp. Most of them were standing together, sorting the food they had. Deciding which to leave with her family and which to take when they left.

Hershel had made it clear that once the Randall problem was solved, they would leave. So there they were, getting ready as Rick and Shane were gone to take Randall some place far away.

Maggie knew Rick would try just one more time to get her father to let them stay. She also knew her father would not relent.

She was watching the group as she contemplated. She hated that they had to go, that they were sending children and a pregnant woman out there. She'd already tried to convince her father herself.

"Do you think I should?" Maggie asked Glenn, who was sitting beside her. She'd told him what she was contemplating.

"I don't think it would hurt," he responded. "The worst answer you'll get is a no. I'm going to go help them."

Glenn kissed Maggie on the cheek and stood from the chair.

"Did you tell them yet? Anyone?"

"Not yet. I want to make sure that Randall's taken care of before I say anything about staying."

She nodded.

"I think it's a good idea. I mean, he agreed to let me stay. He's a good man, he'll know you're just trying to do the right thing." Glenn said gently before going over to his group.

Maggie smiled as she watched him go. As she did her eyes caught a small figure in the distance. Toby was standing over by the tents alone. She seemed to be kicking and digging her foot into the dirt absentmindedly. She was doing this before finally looking up and glancing around at all the others.

Her eyes found Maggie's, noticing that she was watching her, Toby raised her arm and gave a small wave. Maggie smiled and waved back before Toby looked away and continued to lightly kick the grass.

The small gesture gave Maggie the determination she needed to stand up and go into the house in search of her father.

"Dad!" Maggie called out.

"I'm with Beth!" came his response.

Maggie made her way to Beth's room, seeing him sitting beside her bed.

"Doodlebug, doodlebug, go away home," Hershel was lightly singing to Beth.

"Hey, Beth," Maggie greeted, "how're you doing?"

"She seems to be in good spirits today, aren't you, doodlebug?" Hershel stood and leaned down to kiss his younger daughter on the forehead.

"Let me know if I can do anything," Maggie said as she followed her out of the room.

Hershel nodded a she went into the kitchen and taking a seat at the table. In front of where he sat was one of the medical books he'd been reading earlier.

Maggie took the seat closest to him as he opened his book.

"I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Hm. What is it?" Hershel asked as his eyes swept down the page of his book.

"About the others. Rick's people."

Hershel sighed deeply and closed his eyes. "Maggie, not again. Please, I've had enough, my decision is final. They can go find their own farm, there's plenty to choose from now."

"No, that's not it. Well, a little, but not . . ."

Hershel looked Maggie in the eye, "then what is it?"

"I get it, we don't have enough supplies. I know you want what's best for us."

Hershel looked relieved, looking back down at his book. "That's good. I've just wanted you to understand that from the beginning. Our food can last us a long time, but not with so many more people. This is my farm, our family. We have to take care of our own."

Maggie bit her lip, she'd been playing this conversation over and over in her mind. In every single possible way it could go.

"But . . . We can feed _one_ more mouth."

Hershel looked back up at his daughter. He was only expecting an apology, not a continuation of the conversation.

"Is this about Glenn? We already talked about this, I already agreed I-"

"-No, no. I don't mean him."

Hershel closed his book, he didn't know where this conversation was going, but he had a feeling he wasn't going to like it. "Who do you mean?"

"Toby," Maggie forced her name out with much reservation, watching her father's expression closely.

"Toby?" Hershel repeated with no recognition whatsoever. Maggie waited, not wanting to say it herself right away.

But after a moment, Hershel remembered, "the child?"

Maggie nodded, "I know, I know what you're going to say but-"

"-I'm saying _no_."

"But, Dad, listen-"

"-I know you're attached to the asian boy, and with everything going on I can't deny you that. I agreed he could stay, but that does not mean you take advantage of my relenting to add more of them to the guest list!"

"I'm not. It's not that big a deal."

"If I say yes to her, you'll be asking for the boy next. The boy would include his father, and his pregnant mother! That's five more mouths, Maggie. If you're worried about Lori I made a deal with Rick. If they are anywhere near our home near Lori's due date, they can come back for a short while and I will help the best I can. But they are not living in our home."

"I'm not that worried about Lori. Lori has her husband and her son. Carl has his parents, Toby doesn't. None of those people are hers. She's just a little girl, she's alone in all of this. I want to help her, I want to give her some form of security."

"You mean you want me to."

"Why shouldn't you? We have the space, we have the food. She's a child with a small mouth she wouldn't be taking up much room. If that's what you're worried about she can stay in my room with me."

Hershel sighed. He was feeling slightly guilty for his angered words. He stood up, placing her hands on her shoulders. She reminded him so much of her mother, she had such a big heart.

"Sweetheart. We're talking about a child. It's too much responsibility. What if something were to happen to her under our watch? I don't want-"

"-To be responsible?" She said angrily.

Hershel sighed again, wiping the sweat from his forehead. In a split second, Maggie's angered expression changed to something softer.

"What if I want to?"

Hershel raised an eyebrow, "what if you want to what?"

"Be responsible."

They were silent for a few moments.

"This isn't just any child," Hershel tried to explain. "I've heard a few things, and I can't act as if I haven't noticed myself."

"What do you mean? Heard what?"

"She's illiterate-"

"-What does that have to do with anything?!" Maggie's voice practically shook with shock and anger.

"Let me finish. Do you know how old she is?"

"Twelve," Maggie answered. It wasn't a bit of information she'd gotten from Glenn. Glenn didn't know how old Toby was so Maggie asked her herself the last time they spoke.

Hershel nodded, "a twelve-year-old illiterate, orphaned child, with anti-social behaviour."

"She's been through a lot," Maggie defended.

"That's precisely what I mean. I've heard things, from Rick, from Shane and even Dale. Not really in conversation, more in passing. But none of it was hard to miss. Before this mess . . . we live in a small town. We practically knew everybody, we've seen things like this happen before. Even in church, it was something people spotted. And being illiterate at her age could prove as a sign of neglect. I'm not saying it is, there could be other reasons I'm not accusing anything. But it definitely doesn't add any positivity to it all."

"There's nothing wrong with her." Maggie tore her eyes away from her father, thinking of the day she searched Toby for ticks. She'd seen several scars littering her back and had no idea how to react, though the way Toby ran out of the room suggested Maggie reacted poorly. She pondered whether to confirm her father's suspicions but decided against it. She'd already told Glenn, and tried to tell Daryl but as soon as she began to mention it Daryl cut her off as if he'd already known. She'd only told Glenn because of how horrible she felt, Maggie didn't think she should tell anyone else.

"There's something very troubled about that girl, and I don't like that they are taking children out to shoot guns. That doesn't help my peace of mind. Maggie, you need to understand. This isn't just about our stock. It's about her wellbeing, she may need more attention then we can give."

"And you think she'll have it better out there?"

Hershel sighed once again and rubbed his eyes. "Maggie, you don't know anything about this girl. You want to take responsibility of a child, do you even have any idea what that responsibility entails? You're biting off more than you can chew."

"It wouldn't just be me, I've already talked to Glenn, he'd help. He's been around her since this all started."

"So this was his idea. That's why you're pushing so hard," Hershel frowned in disapproval.

"I'm pushing because no child should be out there! You know what those things are now, they're evil, they're dead! And I can't get you to accept everyone so why can't I at least help one. One that has no one else."

Hershel only shook his head, not responding. Maggie new she would have to take a new angle.

"' _A new command I give to you, love one another as I have loved you_ '." Maggie recited. "That's what you told me, right?"

When Hershel still didn't respond, Maggie continued. "I was 14 years old and I was awful, to you more than anybody. All I wanted to do was smoke and shoplift. I was mad about mom. Mad about you marrying Annette. Toby doesn't even have someone to be mad at. None of those people even know how old she is. Glenn told me for weeks she didn't say anything to anyone, no one knew her name. To everyone, including you, all she is is an illiterate, orphaned little girl, and they aren't shy about it either. So how could she have any chance to show anything more than that? She's a bright kid who hasn't had her chance to show it."

"Maggie, she has plenty of people she can stay with. They have tents, an RV-"  
"-Maybe she does, that doesn't mean she wants to be with them or that she's comfortable. No one knows how to treat her let alone communicate with her."

"And you think you do?"

"I know I do. I already have. ' _Love one another_ ' that's what you told me."

* * *

Shane was out of breath from the running and scrambling he had to do to get himself into the schoolbus. He was pushing the door closed as best he could but it wasn't enough,the walking corpses had been able to get a few hands through the small gap. Shane momentarily leaned away from the door and slammed his weight into it several times, somehow forcing the hands out and allowing the door to close more.

He leaned all his weight against the bus doors, panic and adrenalin pumping through him. In the short moments he was able to hold the door closed, he tried to block out the sounds the Walkers were making, attempting to clear his head and come up with a plan.

But before he could, the panic set in once again. There were so many of them, so many of them pushing against the one flimsy door he knew he couldn't keep closed forever. They would get in, they would eat him, gut him, tear him to shreds, just like they'd done Otis.

 _I'd deserve it too,_ his own voice echoed over all other thought. He leaned his head back against the door, his eyes shut and his mouth wide opened as he sucked in air.

This was his punishment for what he'd done. Trying to kill his best friend, sleeping with his wife, killing Otis, killing Carol. Trying to list off all his sins, Shane wasn't even sure he was naming all of them there were so many.

 _Lying to a little girl, keeping her waiting for someone you knew wouldn't come for her,_ Shane opened his eyes, but didn't really see what was in front of him. He was much too focused on his own thoughts, what they were telling him. He wasn't even sure if it was really him thinking anymore.

 _Trying to force her down in a chair while a strange doctor took her blood._ He'd almost forgotten about that, he remembered the regret. She'd never had a needle and maybe never even seen a doctor. He was forcing her into something she didn't understand and scaring the hell out of her. Then Daryl swept in, holding her hand and she'd done what he said.

Shane's eyes began to water so he shut them tightly. _You deserve this. You deserve to die. After everything you've done, this is what those people want for you. They don't want you to come back. Rick doesn't want you. Lori doesn't want you._

 _You gonna come back?_ Another voice echoed in his brain, it wasn't his, or the one from before. It was small, quiet.

 _Toby._

Shane's eyes shot open, and suddenly his mind went quiet, almost blank. He knew he needed to get out, he needed to get back to Toby. With a newfound concentration he began to think through his options. He pulled out his knife, flipping it open and digging the sharp blade into his palm. He wiped his bloodied hand on the side of the door.

He eased his weight on the door only slightly as a Walker pushed its head through as much as possible, sticking its tongue out to taste the fresh blood on the door. Shane slammed his knife into the corpse's head, taking it out.

"One down, whoever knows how many to go."

Shane looks around trying to form a plan. He looks out the front windshield and sees Rick, pulling Randall whose hands were still tied. In that moment Shane can see that Rick looking at him, momentarily pausing.

Shane's chest tightened, "Rick."

Then Rick turned around, walking out of sight with Randall in tow.

"Rick, no. Rick . . . Come back, man. Rick." Shane placed on of his hands on the windshield, silently pleading Rick's return. His panic was building up again, he pushes the panic down to try and keep his head clear. He needed a plan, he needed to get out of there, he needed to get back to Toby.

Shane took his hand off the glass, turning a little as he was still pushing against the door. He relieved a little bit of pressure to let another Walker get it's head through. The Walker did exactly what shane wanted, trying it's best to taste the blood on the door.

"Yeah, you like that?!" He shouted, stabbing it in the head. He wasn't sure if he would be able to keep it up, his energy was running out. Too much of his strength was being used to hold the door shut.

"Shane!" I voice called out in the distance.

Shane turned his head in shock, seeing their car driving toward him. Rick was leaning out the passenger window, shooting while Randall drove. "Shane! Go for the back door! Come on!"

Shane's eyes were wide as relief filled him. He pushed himself off the door and ran down the aisle of the bus as fast as he could. He could hear the Walkers chasing him, feel their weight rocking the bus as they went after him.

He threw open the door to the back of the bus just as the car stopped in front of him.

"Come on! Get in!"

Shane leaped out of the bus with no hesitation and slipped himself through the window of the back door as the car started going again.

"Go, man, go! Come on!" Rick shouted at Randall.

Randall presses the gas down, driving through a locked gate and far away from the school.

"Woah yeah! Hell Yeah! You see that? You see what we did?!" Randall shouted, excitement flooding him.

"Just keep driving!" Rick ordered, showing Randall his gun.

Shane was looking at the back of Rick's head. Confused and also surprised as to why Rick came back for him. Shane knew he didn't deserve the help, but he was still grateful.

After a few minutes of silent driving, Rick ordered Randall to pull over. Together he and Shane loaded him back into the trunk, ignoring Randall's pleas.

Rick slammed the trunk closed and glanced at Shane.

They were silent for a few moments, standing and avoiding each other's eyes.

"If you want to kill me, you're gonna have to do better than a wrench." Rick spoke. "Probably gonna have to kill that boy. But I am gonna think about it at night. It can't be that easy, killing someone, killing anyone. You know that."

Shane glanced at Rick, looking him in the eyes. Shane was at a loss, he was grateful that Rick came back but was still angry, his feelings from before were not gone. Then Shane thought about when Rick walked out of his view with Randall. He wasn't sure how he knew, but he was sure Rick hadn't planned on returning for him.

All of it was Rick's fault in Shane's mind, the only reason they were out there was because he didn't have the balls to put down the boy. He and Rick fought because Shane was trying to show him what needs to be done. That fight led to the Walkers coming and Shane being trapped and almost killed. Rick almost didn't go back for him.

It was Rick's fault he almost didn't make it back to Toby. The anger settled within him, feeling like a heavy rock being pressed against his chest. He kept his face neutral, not wanting to reveal anything to Rick.

He would get back to Toby, then he would figure out what to do.

"That is my wife, that is my son, that is my child. If you're gonna be with us, you gotta follow my lead, you gotta trust me." Rick continued.

Shane looked away, trying his hardest not to scoff in Rick's face. He didn't trust Rick, he didn't trust Rick to make the right decisions or keep the people safe.

"It's time for you to come back." Rick hold Shane's gun out.

Shane hesitated a moment before taking the gun. After another moment of silence, Rick made a move to go back into the car. Shane did the same, settling himself into the drivers seat.

"Where's your gun?" Rick questioned as he put the car into gear.

"Huh?" Shane looked over at him, taken aback by the question.

"That's not your gun. Why don't you have it?"

Shane thought over lying to him, but thought better of it, "I gave it to Toby."

"Is that a good idea? She can be unpredictable."

Shane just shook his head, "we're the most experienced with our guns and we're both gone. I didn't feel right leaving her with nothing."

Rick didn't respond. Shane took the opportunity to think over Rick's words from earlier.

 _If you're gonna be with us, you gotta follow my lead, you gotta trust me_

 _If you're gonna be with us, you gotta follow my lead_

 _If you're gonna be with us_

 _If you're gonna be with us_

Shane didn't want to trust Rick, he didn't want to follow his lead.

 _If you're gonna be with us_

 _But what if_ _._. . a thought struck Shane, he wasn't with them. He wasn't with Rick. Emotionally that was already correct. He mentally shot the idea down, he couldn't leave Toby, he already said he wouldn't.

 _But what if you didn't leave her. You just left them?_ The voice was back, the voice that was so much like his own but all at the same time wasn't.

"I'm coming, kiddo." Shane whispered under his breath only for him to hear.

* * *

 **So this was kinda short, but a new chapter WILL be posted New Years Day.**

 **Let me know what you think of the chapter or what you think might happen!**

 **The next few chapters i may stick with third POV, just to capture more of Shane's character or what I'm trying to** **portray** **in him. And to show some scenes Toby won't be present for.**

 **Don't be shy! Reviews are always appreciated! Thank you for reading!**

 **Tumblr: TobyJustGone**


	28. Judge, Jury, Executioner

happy new year, sorry for being a day late!  **Magnificent Dragoness:** **Heres your longer chapter!**

 **Judge, Jury, Executioner**

The closer they got to the farm, the more anxious Shane became. Every so often they heard a thumping coming from the trunk. The two men didn't even look at each other the entire drive.

When they pulled in the driveway some of the group looked their way, he saw Toby immediately. She was standing alone, close to the driveway, as if she'd been waiting.

Toby was wearing that large leather jacket that belonged to Merle. Shane held back a smile at how ridiculous she looked in it, she didn't seem like she noticed or cared. Shane didn't like when she wore it, it was a reminder on how much she preferred Daryl and Merle over him.

But lately, since Shane began teaching her how to shoot she'd been calmer around him. He knew she was warming up to him, so he strongly believed he could get her to warm up to his new plan.

Shane opened the door before the car came to a complete stop. He got out and went over to Toby, leaving Rick to deal with the others, he'd have to explain why they brought the prisoner back.

Shane held his arms tightly at his sides as he approached her, tears were welling in his eyes. He thought about how close he came to not coming back. He saw her features turn to shock as her eyes scanned over his face.

He fell to his knees in front of her, trying to keep his composure, he wanted to hug her, hold her close. But he knew she was different than the rest, he'd have to take it slow.

"You're face . . ." she voiced her concern, eyeing the large bruise on the side of his face.

Shane said nothing and only reached out to touch her shoulder, he watched carefully as she didn't react and only stared. He slowly raised his hand up and brushed the hair out of her face. He left his hand there, stroking her hair as his fingers got caught in a small tangle.

"Come here," he whispered gently, meaning it as a request. She finally looked in his eyes, away from the bruises and blood on his face. He wondered what was going through her head.

Upon his request she stepped closer. He brought himself to her, wrapping his other arm around her slowly, he gave her a chance to protest, waiting for her to pull away but she didn't.

Finally he held her tightly against him, one arm around her and his other hand at the back of her head. She was hesitant, but slowly put her arms over his shoulders awkwardly, as if not really knowing how to return the gesture.

"Ya got beat."

Shane took a deep breath. He thought about how lucky it was that he got back, how lucky it was that he was able to hold her. Rick could hold his own out there, just like he could. Lori and Carl didn't need him, they had Rick.

Toby had Shane.

Shane had Toby.

That small realisation did him wonders, he felt slightly at peace with his new purpose.

"Things got rough. We had to bring him back, I tried to end it, Rick wouldn't let me."

"That why you're bruised?"

"Yeah," he sighed. He could feel his own gun that was tucked in her waistband digging into his ribs, he ignored the discomfort of it.

"Why'd you bring him back?"

Shane slowly pulled himself away then, "you need to brush your hair." He smiled, pulling his fingers from her knotted hair. Then he noted the seriousness in her expression. "He knows the farm, he knows Maggie."

"Maggie?" she repeated.

Shane nodded, "we're gonna stick him back in the shed for now."

Shane turned around, following Toby's gaze to some of the others standing by the car, talking to Rick.

"Did you eat yet?"

Toby shook her head, "Maggie and her sister are makin' dinner for everybody. I think it's cause we were gonna leave."

"A proper send off, huh?"

Toby shrugged.

"You know what they're making?"

"They went fishin', there's a pond on the property, it's far though."

Shane stood up, "I'm gonna go help get Randall in the shed. I'll see you at dinner."

Shane motioned to her waist. Toby looked down, remembering the gun, she took a quick glance around to see if anyone was looking. Her eyes fell onto Dale who was very far off, but it was easy to tell his eyes were on the two of them. HIs eyes were focused, heated, his expression firm. It unnerved Toby slightly, she'd never seen the man like that.

Shane frowned at the old man, "it's okay, kiddo, just give it to me. Don't worry about him."

Toby looked back at Shane, slowly pulling the Glock out of her waistband before giving it to him.

* * *

Shane stepped into the Greene family home. Most of the group were outside with paper plates, taking their share of the cooked fish Maggie brought out with them. After leaving the fish outside, she went back into the home to get the rest of the food, some steamed vegetables.

Shane cleared his throat as he entered the kitchen, Lori was there with Maggie. Beth was sitting at the table, already eating her food with her father.

"Can I help you?" Hershel asked with disdain, it was no secret he wasn't fond of Shane.

"I'm hoping so, I want to thank you for this, the meal. And I also wanted to ask what else you cooked up."

"Just some vegetables, we'll have them taken out in a minute." Maggie answered, glancing at Shane and eyeing the plate in his hand. "Not a fan of fish? All we got cooked are the vegetables."

"Oh, no, I am." Shane chuckled a little, he wasn't in a good mood but was trying to act as if he was. "This isn't for me, it's for Toby, she can't eat fish see."

Lori looked up at him from the counter, looking surprised, "I forgot about that, oh my gosh I can't believe I forgot!"

"I nearly did too," Shane confessed. "But when everyone was getting their place and she went for it it hit me."

Lori walked over to Shane, "here, give me her plate, I'll give her some of this. If she's still hungry after tell her I'll make her some soup or something."

"Why can't she eat fish?" Maggie asked.

"Allergic," Shane answered.

"Oh. I wish she'd said something."

"It's a recent discovery," Lori piped in. "She didn't know either until a while back, at our camp right outside Atlanta we were frying some fish up. It was horrible, we were panicked and had no idea what to do or what was wrong at first. Luckily, someone was able to catch it and had an epipen on them, he's not with us anymore but he saved her life."

"That's awful. She must've been scared to death."

"Almost," Shane said under his breath as Lori handed Toby's plate back to him.

Shane turned to leave when Maggie stopped him, "do you have any more? Epipens?"

Shane shook his head.

"I was thinking of taking another pharmacy run soon, I can go tomorrow. I'm sure they'll have that there. It's better to be safe than sorry, it wouldn't even just be for her. You never know what can happen."

"Not a bad idea, I'd appreciate that. I'm sure she would too." Shane's gaze lingered on Lori a little too long before leaving. He was still trying to put together his plan in his head, and when to bring it up to Toby. He considered waiting until the next day but still hadn't decided.

Shane stepped outside and saw that Toby was sitting on the ground next the the RV, leaning her back on the tire.

On his way over to Toby he could feel Dale's glare, he pretended not to notice, the man had been eyeing him from the moment he and Rick got back.

Just as Shane got close to Toby, Daryl walked up to her. Shane paused for a moment, feeling slightly angry at their close proximity. He mentally shook his head and kept walking, but kept his guard up. Daryl was a threat to him, a threat to his plan, he himself may be the whole reason Toby would disagree with the plan.

"Got you some vegetables," Shane said as he sat down on the ground beside her, ignoring Dale's presence. "You'll be the first one to get them. Lori told me to let you know she'll make you something else if you're still hungry."

He passed the plate to her and Toby took it, looking disappointed.

"That's all you're givin' her?" Daryl scrunched his nose.

"Well, she can't eat the fish," Shane sent a glare his way, feeling irritated at the other man's ignorance.

"Why not?"

Shane's features relaxed slightly as he realized something, his irritation melted away, "oh, right. You weren't there, you were off chasing your brother."

"The hell are you talkin' 'bout?"

"Can't I just try it again?" Toby asked, feeling anxious with the men's bickering.

"Not how it works," Shane looked back at Daryl. "She's allergic, we found out the night of the fish fry, Morales had an epipen on him luckily."

Daryl turned to Toby, his eyes narrowed, "How come you never told me that shit?"

Toby stared back at him, a surprised look on her face. She felt cornered and wasn't sure what to say.

"Guess it never came up," Shane remarked, looking down to pick up his own plate where he left it, attempting to hide his smirk. Shane let his smirk show as Daryl walked away.

"I think he might be mad at me," Toby mumbled, sticking a small piece of carrot in her mouth.

Shane shook his head, "Forget about him, kiddo. You want me to ask Lori to make you more food?"

"I'm not really hungry . . ." Toby was hungry before, but the tension between the two men made her appetite diminish.

"Just eat what's on your plate at least, and head to bed. What'd Daryl say to you?"

"I was askin' him if we were gonna check the snares tomorrow."

"The snares?" Shane scrunched his eyebrows together.

She nodded in response, chewing her food, "he lets me go with him now."

The anger rose in Shane again, wondering how many times she'd been off with Daryl. He'd have to find a way to separate them somewhat if he ever wanted his plan to work.

"Me and you have something to talk about, kiddo."

* * *

"Light?"

Toby glanced at Daryl as she settled herself into Merle's sleeping bag. Daryl was holding the flashlight in its place between them, the light shining up to the top of the tent.

She thought over his question before nodding. Some nights she'd told him no, but her stomach was stirring with anxiety, she wanted it on that night.

Daryl took his hand away from the light, leaving it on between the two of them before settling in his own sleeping bag.

"How come you never told me about the fish?" He asked after a while of them lying in silence.

Toby took a long time to answer. "Lots a shit happened . . . The Walkers came, Jim got bit. After, I didn't really think about it, didn't get to, we had to go to that place with the doctor. By then I didn't think it was important, didn't think you'd wanna hear about it anyway."

Daryl stared at the young girl, with his gaze on her she felt pressured and looked away.

"No offense, girl, but you ain't good at tellin' what's important. Next time you even _think_ 'bout tellin' me somethin', anythin', no matter what the hell it is just get it over with and _say it_. I ain't gonna get mad at you for talkin'."

Toby looked back at him before looking away and reaching for the light to flick it off. She didn't want him to see any expression she might give away. Because there was something she was thinking of telling him, something she wanted to. But she kept quiet.

Toby had a hard time falling asleep. She'd kept replaying Shane's words in her head, not entirely sure how she felt about it all.

 _"I told you I wasn't going to leave you, and I'm not. But I think it's time to start thinking about the bigger picture."_

She'd tried to get him to elaborate more, explain what he was talking about. But he refused and said the rest was for another time, for now, she would just have to think about it. She'd have to think about leaving the group, she'd have to think about leaving with Shane.

There were so many times she wanted to do just that, leave and never see any of those people, find her father and go home. But that wasn't reality, she'd been forcing herself not to think about her father, she was beginning to give up on him. And giving up on her father meant accepting the group, accepting who she was stuck with. And she was beginning to do just that, she was used to the people around her.

Then once she'd finally begun accepting, Shane had dropped his idea. He wanted to leave, he wanted to leave with her. He told her to just think it over and not mention it to anyone. She'd glanced over at Daryl's sleeping form several times, she wanted to say something, to talk about it. But she knew she wouldn't get what she wanted from Daryl, sure she'd want someone else's opinion but she could guess what his was.

 _Why does he care if I leave anyway? He's just gonna say no because it involves Shane and he hates Shane, he thought to herself. Nobody wants me here, I'm just stuck._

But she was growing to like spending time with Carl, and talking to Maggie. Though she knew they would leave the farm soon. Toby was never able to talk to anyone close to her age before Carl, she didn't hate it as much as she thought she would.

She thought about how her and Daryl were going to check and reset the snares in the morning, she always looked forward to those walks. Toby decided if she still thought she should tell him, that was when she would do it, when they were alone, away from the others.

Throughout the entire night, Toby kept jumping awake, not sure how long she'd been sleeping each time. And the last time she did, it was light out, the sun was up and light had filled the tent. She felt as if she'd only been asleep for ten minutes, but she knew it must've been hours.

Toby laid her head back down, prepared to just go back to sleep, but then she remembered she was supposed to check the snares with Daryl. Remembering that, she recalled Shane's conversation about leaving.

When Toby looked over she saw Daryl wasn't in the tent.

She went out to look for him, putting on Merle's jacket because it was a bit windy and cold, she wondered if winter was coming. As Toby looked around for Daryl she thought over her options, leaving with Shane, staying with the group, telling Daryl what Shane said.

She couldn't explain why she wanted to tell Daryl, but the secret was right on her tongue and hard to keep in.

When Toby didn't see Daryl, she approached T-Dog, who was eating something out of a can while sitting on the porch steps.

"Hey," he greeted, looking surprised as she stopped in front of him.

"Daryl?" She asked, hoping just using his name would word her question fine.

She watched as T-Dog's head turned, looking out into the field at the old shed.

"Uh . . ." he hesitated before looking back at her. "I think he's a bit busy right now, just dealing with something."

Toby opened her mouth to ask another question but was interrupted.

Hershel came out of the house through the front door, glancing at T-Dog, "Theodore, will you come give me a hand?"

"Sure thing," T-Dog took a final bite from whatever was in his can before leaving it and standing up. "We'll talk later, kid." T-Dog put his hand on her head and ruffled her hair a bit before following Hershel inside.

Usually Toby would give more thought to a physical gesture like the one T-Dog had just given, but she was so anxiety ridden and focused on Daryl she didn't care. Toby had noticed the was T-Dog looked at the shed when she mentioned Daryl, so that was where she went. She was hoping to find Daryl before running into Shane.

When she got close she began to hear noises from the shed, at first she wasn't sure what they were but as she got closer she was able to guess.

The shed door was left ajar, she was able to peek in to see Daryl, standing over their prisoner who was lying on his side.

"I told you! I told you!"

"You didn't tell me shit!" Daryl growled out, kicking him.

Daryl was wearing a long sleeve dark shirt, over it he had a black vest on I'd never seen before. Since his back was to me I was able to see a pair of angel wings embroidered on its back.

She watched as Daryl reached down and yanked the younger man up to sit up against the wall. After delivering a few more blows, the boy fell over again. Randall kept on pleading for him to stop.

Toby stepped closer, angling her head to look into the shed better, but just as she did Randall spotted her.

His one eye went wide, as his other one was almost swollen shut, "hey! Hey, please! Make him stop, I don't know anything I swear-"

"-SHUT UP!" Daryl gave him one hard kick and turned around. His expression was hard angry, "what the fuck, girl!"

Toby backed up as Daryl stomped out of the shed and slammed the door behind him, "the fuck you doin' over here! Ya can't be here."

"S-Sorry . . ."

"This ain't for you to see, now go."

"But-"

"-No, this ain't got nothin' to do with you, you don't understand this shit."

"Yeah I do, he was bad so you're beatin' him."

"No. Jesus, not this again. You don't beat people just for being bad."

 _Then what the hell do you beat them for,_ she questioned silently. "But he's bad. Shane said so."

Daryl scoffed, " _Shane said_ . . . I don't give a shit what Shane says and neither should you! Bad or not that's not why I'm knocking his teeth in."

"Then why?"

"It ain't your business why, now get the fuck back to the house. Go do something and be useful for once."

Toby eyebrows furrowed at Daryl's outburst, she swallowed nervously as she glanced behind her at the house.

"Now!"

She jumped slightly at his raised voice, but decided to do as she was told. Her eyes watered but she blinked the tears away. _Maybe it's best I don't tell him, I'll just figure it out on my own. That's what Shane told me to do anyways,_ she thought as she walked away from Daryl.

 _So much for checking the snares._

* * *

"I miss shooting," Carl told Toby as the stood together in front of the porch, he was picking off paint from the railing. "They were supposed to be teaching us and they just stopped. Does Shane still take you out?"

"Not for a few days."

"I wish they would take us out."

"Too much goin' on I guess."

"That's exactly why they should be teaching us!"

Toby eyed Carl for a brief moment, "that's what Shane said. But everyone got pissed last time he took me out."

"How was it? The last time. Did you get any better?"

"Not really, we were s'posed to go the day after but it didn't happen."

"Maybe we should . . ." Carl stopped himself, remembering who he was talking to. Toby never wanted to get in trouble. He decided it was best to keep his idea to himself.

"Should what?"

"Nothing, nevermind." he mumbled

Toby didn't question further. Not too long after they saw Daryl coming back to the house and talking to Rick, his crossbow slung over his shoulder and his knuckles bloodied. Rick called some of the others over.

"Must be about Randall," Carl commented, "let's go."

Toby followed Carl, together they got closer to the others to listen to what was happening.

"Look at his hands," Carl whispered to Toby as he eyed Daryl.

"He beat him up," Toby told him.

Carl's eyes widened slightly but he said nothing.

"Boy, there's got a gang, 30 men." Daryl explained, "they have heavy artillery and they ain't looking to make friends. They roll through here, our boys are dead. And our women, they're gonna . . . They're gonna wish they were."  
"What did you do?" Dale questioned.

"Had a little chat."  
"No one goes near this guy," Rick told everyone.  
"Rick, what are you gonna do?" Lori asked.

Rick glanced at Shane, taking a moment, "we have no choice. He's a threat. We have to eliminate the threat."

Carl and Toby glanced at each other as the group continued talking over the young man's demise. They concluded it would be done that night. When they were done talking, they split up, Dale following Rick with more questions.

"I'll take the next watch with him," T-Dog volunteered as they all walked away. Shane followed T-Dog walking with him as they talked.

Carl jogged over to catch up with Shane.

"So he's a kid?"

Shane looked down at Carl, "he ain't a kid. Just . . . That's a figure of speech."  
"Can I see him?"

Shane sighed shaking his head, "No. Look, man, this is-this is grown-up stuff, all right? You just . . . you just let us handle this."

"You sound like Toby," Carl mumbled, disappointed.

"Well Toby's right, go find your ma, all right?"

Carl stopped walking as Shane kept going. Toby went over and stood beside the boy, eyeing his glare on Shane.

For a long time, Carl didn't say anything, he just glared at Shane as he walked away. Shane used to be nice to him, he thought they were friends, now he barely looked at him. Carl turned to look at the shed and bit his lip before making his way over angrily.

"What you doin'?" Toby questioned, following.

"I'm gonna go see him."

Toby looked a little surprised, before looking around, see if anyone was watching. "Wait."

"I don't care if you're scared to get in trouble, but don't try and stop me."

"I'm not stoppin' you, I wanna come to," Toby decided. She decided it would be another opportunity for a test if they got caught, she wanted to see where the limits were in their disobedience. This had to be one of the worst of hers and Carl's list so far.

Carl looked her over, a little surprised before smiling a little as they made their way over. Approaching the shed, there were two old metal trash cans they would have to use to climb up into the rafters. They wouldn't be able to go around because of Shane and T-Dog in that area, also the door would be locked.

"I'll go first," Carl appointed himself and began to climb up. Once he'd slid himself into the opening Toby followed, climbing up onto the trashcans, attempting to be silent.

Carl turned himself around, leaning out of the opening and offering his hand to her.

Toby hesitated, glancing at his offered hand before taking it in her own. Carl helped pull her up into the rafters.

Toby's eyes found the prisoner as she settled herself inside the shed, her and Carl were both over him, standing on thin planks of wood. Carl glanced at Toby, as if to double check she was all the way in before continuing on. As he climbed onto the next rafter, there was a loud creak that made both children freeze.

The prisoner, who'd been trying to see out of the crack in the door was standing up. When he heard the noise, his head looked upward.

For a moment, the prisoner was startled and only able to look at the two children standing above him. When the moment passed, he brought himself back, forcing himself to smile even though his bruises protested against it.

"Hey," he spoke quietly, not wanting to alert anyone else of his company. "That's a sweet hat. I'm Randall, what's your names?"

Carl didn't speak, and neither did Toby.

"The sheriff guy, that your dad? I like him. Yeah, he's a good guy. I can tell. Your mom out here too? You're-you're lucky you still got your family. I lost mine."

Carl glanced at Toby again while Randall rambled. Carl made a very small motion with his head, gesturing downward. Toby gave a nod, understanding that they would both climb down.

Like before, Carl went first, beginning to make his way down off of the rafters.

"Hey, I-I don't know what people been saying about me, but I didn't do nothing. I swear. Your dad was gonna let me go till his friend started fighting with him. It got pretty bad. I-I was kinda worried."

Carl made the final jump with a soft thud to the ground. The he glanced up, watching as Toby made her way down, he didn't look away until she was safely on the ground beside him.

"Is that-this your sister?" Randall questioned, looking at Toby. "Hi, I like your boots. Red's my favourite colour."

 _Can't mind the blood too much then,_ Toby thought to herself looking at his beat up face. Carl looked over at Toby again, his eyes questioning.

She only just shrugged, not finding it important to correct the prisoner. When Carl looked back at Randall, he stepped closer. Toby, however stayed at a distance, only wanting to observe.

"My camp, we got lots of supplies." Randall started again, looking back in between them both. "You help me, I'll take you and your folks back to my people. We'll take good care of you. Keep you safe. Just gotta, Just gotta help me get out of here, okay? Just help me pick these locks or find the key, okay? Come on, please? Please?"

As he continued, Toby was beginning to feel uncomfortable with how close Carl was getting. So she took a few big steps forward as well to get beside Carl once again.

"We have lots of food. We can help you, your mom and you dad. You want that right? We could all work together. Y'know, against the real bad guys. You could keep your mom and your sister safe. We have lots of people to do that."

Toby narrowed her eyes as Randall continued his monologue, noticing something. From the moment she and Carl were noticed by the prisoner, he'd been somewhat addressing both of them, as well as he could since they hadn't responded. But he'd always given Toby a glance, as if making sure he had both of their attention. But as he talked, his eyes were only focused on Carl as the boy got closer. Toby felt excluded, and she knew something about that wasn't right.

That wasn't what bothered her, people forgot her all the time, she didn't care. But if he wanted out of there so bad, how could he just completely ignore her? Toby took a moment to glance at Carl. Carl, as if feeling her eyes on him returned a brief glance before looking back at the prisoner.

And that was the moment she understood.

Carl's hardened curious glare at Randall had softened. Randall was focused on Carl because Carl's resolve was weakening. Toby could see it, a look she'd gotten to know so well over the last few months with the group, pity, _sympathy_. Randall was talking to Carl and not her because he saw he was getting through to him first.

Toby had to stop it, she knew she had to snap Carl out of it. She observed how Randall's hands were chained behind his back and he was leaning forward toward Carl, bending slightly so they were near the same height. Toby did the first thing she could think of, pulling the sleeve of the leather jacket up before swinging her fist into Randall's face.

Toby wasn't very strong, but she had surprise on her side. Randall stumbled and fell back from the shock of the impact. Randall made some noise on the way down, and form the jingling of the lock, Toby knew someone was on their way inside.

Randall wasn't able to catch himself on his fall, forcing the side of his head to hit the wood panelled wall hard. He stood on his knees, struggling to stand up straight again, he began mumbling "you dumb bitch."

Then it was Carl turn. Suddenly feeling angry he quickly stepped forward and kicked Randall in the stomach just before the door flew open.

Toby and Carl both looked over at the door as they backed away from Randall. Shane stormed in, looking furious.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" Shane addressed the kids before looking at Randal who was still struggling to get up. "What did you say to her? What did you say to them, huh?"

"I didn't say nothing!" Randall protested.

Shane stomped over to him, grabbed him by the throat and braced him against the wall. Shane pulled his gun from his holster and pressed it against Randall's forehead. "I will shoot you where you sit! Don't you dare talk to them, I see you even lookin at my girl you're fucking dead! You hearing me!"

"Kids, c'mon, out." T-Dog called from the doorway, holding his gun out just in case. Carl obeyed, hurrying out of the shed. Toby however, took her time, watching as Shane coninued to threaten Randall and try to shove his gun in his mouth.

"You like talking, huh? You like talking?!"

"Shane, enough! Not now!"

Shane looked over at T-Dog, and then Toby. Shane took his gun away from Randall's mouth and placed it back in his holster before releasing the boys throat.

Incredibly angered, Shane grabbed Toby's shoulder. Not hard enough to hurt, but to lead her out.

"Get your ass out this door. Let's go."

"What the hell were you two thinking?" T-Dog shook his head, looking at both children with a shocked and confused expression.

"What the hell were you doing!" Shane looked back and forth between the two with his hands on his hips.

"Please don't tell my parents!" Carl begged, sounding panicked.

Toby said nothing, feeling a little threatened that she was in trouble but attempted to keep herself calm.

"Carl, that ain't cool, man, you could've gotten hurt in there!"

"I can handle myself!" Carl argued, his voice shaky.

"So, while your handling yourself what about Toby? You thought it was okay to put her in that position too?"

Toby furrowed her eyebrows, "I can-"

"-I'm sure you both _think_ you can handle ourselves just fine. But next time think it over, that guys got ten, twenty pounds on you easy. What if we didn't got him chained up, what if he got out? You do not go near him again, you hear me?" Shane pointed his finger at the both of them before sighing and running a hand over his shaved head.

"You won't tell my parents, will you?" Carl asked again.

"Carl, man. This isn't about getting in trouble, okay? That boy in there, he's got nothing to lose but his life. A guy like that he'll say anything to you, make you feel sorry for him. He'll try to make you let your guard down. You let your guard down out here people die. You understand me?"

Carl was silent for a moment, thinking it over. He looked over at Toby, "is that why you punched him?"

Shane was taken aback, following Carl's eyes to the young girl. "You did _what_?"

Toby looked down at her boots, away from their eyes.

Shane shook his head and sighed, trying to calm himself down so he wasn't yelling at them. But he didn't even want to get into that part. "Do me a favor, alright? Just go. Carl, go find your dad, or your ma. Just go. Toby . . . just . . . just go, I'll catch up with you, we gotta talk."

Toby nodded and then followed Carl away from the shed.

* * *

"Can't believe we got away with that . . ." Carl heard Toby say in astonishment.

"How was that getting away with it? He's going to tell my dad, I know it. We shouldn't've done it. That was stupid."

"Yeah it was."

"Hey, you did it to!"

She narrowed her eyes at him, "I was agreein', not blamin'."

Carl pressed his lips together, looking away. He slightly wished Toby had tried to talk him out of it.

"Who cares if Shane tells Rick? What's he gonna do?"

"He's going to yell at me, then he'll tell mom and she will too!"

He caught Toby smiling at his claim. The smile wasn't exactly happy, but it wasn't negative either.

"Why are you smiling, it's not funny!"

She glanced away from him, wiping her expression clean of emotion, "sorry."

"You're lucky your dad's not here to yell at you," Carl said before thinking.

Toby stopped at his words, staring at him. Carl stopped a moment after, realising what he said, "I'm sorry, I don't know why . . . I'm sorry."

Toby stared at him as he sputtered out his apology for his idiotic words.

"Nah . . . you're right."

Carl was confused and a little shocked, "I am?"

All she did was nod, her expression still blank.

"Toby," they heard Shane call out. The kids watched the man come closer.

"Did you tell my dad?" Carl questioned. Shane looked like he'd calm down.

Shane sighed, "not gonna talk about it right now. Come on, kiddo."

"Can I come too?" Carl asked as Toby began walking with Shane.

"No," he replied firmly, walking away with Toby.

"Where we goin'?" Toby asked.

"To the car, got something to show you."

Carl frowned, angry again. He started walking around, finding a stone to kick every so often. He was bored, left out. He wished he still had Toby to talk to at least.

After a while of going in circles he looked around to see Shane and Toby by one of the cars that was the furthest by the house. He wondered what they were talking about, he was sure that Shane was going to take her for target practise again.

His eyes caught Daryl's motorcycle, which was with the cars but a little off to the side, divided from the rest.

Carl walked over to it, smiling. He wished he could ride the bike, he'd never ridden one before. He placed both his hands on the handles, pretended to rev the engine. He considered asking Daryl to take him, but his dad probably wouldn't let him.

As Carl looked over the bike his eyes stopped at the bag strapped to it. Curious, he opened it and peered in. His eyes widened slightly and he quickly made sure no one was watching before pulling the hand gun out of the bag.

He held the weapon in his hands, thinking that maybe he should put it back. But his anger came back, he was angry at Shane, jealous of Toby for keeping his attention. He didn't think it was fair that Toby could go shoot with Shane and he wasn't allowed.

Then the idea came to him, he would just go teach himself.

* * *

Dale sighed to himself in frustration, running a hand over his white beard. He'd convinced Rick to give him the day to talk to everyone, he had until nightfall to convince the others that the prisoner did not have to die.

He'd just finished talking to Lori, but she claimed she would side with Rick no matter what he chose. T-Dog he couldn't get onboard, after seeing what other people had done to Guillermo's nursing home he didn't want to take the chance with others. He was able to get Glenn to agree, but none of Hershel's family wanted to be involved. Daryl was his next conquest, he found him sitting on a log by the firepit.

"Daryl?"

Daryl looked up at the older man, he was inspecting a wet rag that had some blood on it, using it wipe the dried blood off his knuckles.

"Can I have a word?"

"If it's 'bout Randall I don't wanna hear it," Daryl grunted out and looked away, uninterested. "Heard ya been goin' 'round, talkin'."

"So live or die, you don't care what happens to Randall?"

"Nope."  
"Then why not stand with me, try to save the kid's life, if it really doesn't matter one way or the other?"

Daryl scoffed, "didn't peg you for a desperate son of a bitch."  
"Your opinion makes a difference."

"No, it doesn't."

"Yes, it does. You've been with us since we left Atlanta, you have a new role in this group, people trust you."

"Oh, man, I don't need my head shrunk. This group's broken. I'm better off fending for myself."

Dale was surprised at Daryl's words, but tried to brush them off, "you act like you don't care."

"Yeah, it's 'cause I don't. Ain't nobody looking at me for nothing."

"Toby is, I am."

Dale saw the younger man's body stiffen when he mentioned the girl. Daryl stood, shoving the rag in his back pocket and swinging his crossbow over his shoulder.

"And you obviously have Rick's ear."

"Rick just looks to Shane," Daryl said, pushing passed Dale, "Let him."  
"But torturing people? That isn't you. You're a decent man. So is Rick. Shane . . ." Dale trailed off for a moment, noticing how Daryl stopped at Shane's name. "He's different."  
"Why's that?" Daryl asked, his tone light as he turned back to Dale. "'Cause he killed Otis?"

Dale froze for a moment, it hadn't been the response he was expecting. "He tell you that?"

"He told some story, how Otis covered him, saved his ass. He showed up with the dead guy's gun. Rick ain't stupid. If he didn't figure that out, it's 'cause he didn't wanna. It's like I said; group's broken."

Dale stopped, having nothing else to say as Daryl walked away again.

"If ya see Toby, tell her I'm goin' to check the traps. If I don't see her in five I'm leavin', ain't spendin' all day lookin' for her ass." Daryl grumbled out.

Dale shook his head to himself, knowing Daryl was right. Dale was running out of options, no one cared to keep this boy alive. Just then, Guillermo walked by Dale, going into the RV with a half-eaten sandwich in his hand.

Dale followed in right after him, "Guillermo."

Guillermo turned to him, looking a little startled.

Dale noted how much better the man had been doing the last few days. He'd been talking and eating much more, but was still very much withdrawn. He looked much better than before, he wasn't pale, he was clean, and was wearing his very first change of clothes since the nursing home.

Guillermo gestured to himself, "Loaned from Hershel's boy. They let me have a shower, one of his girls gave me food."

"Yeah, you seem better."

" _Espero que asi sea. Gracias a Dios_ . . ." Guillermo's expression seemed to drop for a moment, looking depressed forlorn. He looked back at Dale, trying to shift the attention away from him, "something troubling you, _viejito_?"

"That boy, Randall. They're going to execute him tonight."

Guillermo looked away again. Glancing at his sandwich before putting it down on the table, his appetite gone.

"Rick gave me the day to talk to everyone, to change their minds."

Guillermo stepped away from the table to sit down on the couch, "you disagree?"

"Of course I disagree, we shouldn't be killing him, punishing him for something that may never happen."

"You disagree with Rick while they all disagree with you."

"Not all of them," Dale couldn't help but be in denial.

"Must be enough, you're here talking to me."

Dale sighed.

"I'll apologize in advance, you couldn't ask for a worst last resort. My answer is no, I will not side with you."

Dale looked appalled, he was sure Guillermo would agree with him. After all the death he'd seen, why would he agree to more of it.

"Before you start to believe I'm the scum of the earth, know that I'm not siding with anyone."

"You won't vote? Nothing? Have you thought this through?"

Guillermo took a deep breath, leaning his elbows on his knees as he sat. He was wishing the older man would sit instead of stand, it was making him anxious. Cautiously, Guillermo asked, "how do you want this to go?"

"We give him a trial, we give him a chance! That's what a civilised society does."

"Who says we're civilised anymore?" Guillermo wasn't being condescending, he sounded as if he was asking it as a real question.

"No, the world we knew is gone. But keeping our humanity, that's a choice."

"Sit," Guillermo, commanded gently. Dale scrunched his eyebrows together but sat down in the booth across from Guillermo. "I've spent a lot of time thinking about this. Since they brought that kid back."

"How could you-"

"-stop, _viejito_. Everything I am about to tell you will not be repeated. I do not wish to speak anymore, but you need to understand." Dale was surprised at the seriousness in Guillermo's tone and expression. "I don't know how long I've been here, my mind has been a but jumbled. But I know it wasn't too long ago I first met Rick. I've experienced people come and go, looking to take what we had, the food, the medicine, what was left of it. I first saw Rick as a threat, we needed those guns he took, in the end, we split them. I thought we would be fine. We could protect ourselves much better, we'd be ready for whatever came knocking."

Dale could see Guillermo's eyes beginning to water, but the man didn't blink. His expression was dark and focused.

"I was _wrong_. The _vatos_ went out to scavenge, a usual day. But this time, they brought back three men. One man, their leader gave us some story how their were more of them looking for shelter, looking for help. That we could work together. He had a bag on his shoulder, he stepped forward, dropped the bag and one of my boys opened it for everyone to see. Tons of cans, food that could feed us for weeks. He said he had more and he'd share if we gave his people shelter. I'm sure you can guess what happened then. We made a mistake, I made a mistake by lowering our guns. The gunshots came, at first, we had no idea where they were coming from. This man, their leader, was a diversion as they broke in. I looked him in the eye as he pulled his gun and killed Philipe. They didn't stop either."

Guillermo fell silent for several moments. "I agree with you, I really do. I don't think he should die, but just because we act civilized, doesn't mean his people will too. Listen, _viejito_ , my opinion: _irrelevant_. Leave me out of it."

"Staying out of it you're practically just killing him yourself."

"You don't need to tell me that, I know perfectly well. What did I just tell you? I have the blood of all my own people on my hands. Folks I knew, I worked with for years. And you think the death of some kid I've never even talked to is going to make any difference to me? It doesn't."

"You're a good man, you can't want this."

"I don't want anything. I just explained this to you."

"You're apart of this group."

"I'm not one of you, I'm only here cause you folks didn't feel the right to leave me for dead, and while I'm grateful I can't see myself lasting long. I'm not one of you, I'm not a part of this. I'm just . . . _here_. And I'm prepared if you all are going to cut me loose."

"We would never-"

Guillermo held up his hand to silence the older man. When Dale was silenced Guillermo turned his hand and pointed to himself, jamming his finger into his own chest, " _irrelevant_."

* * *

"Fort Benning?" Toby repeated.

"That's the plan," Shane said, adjusting his dark blue cap, "for now anyway, I'm working on backup if it doesn't work out."

Toby stared down at the map laid out on the hood of the car. Shane had drawn red markings in a few places, she didn't know what any of them meant. The only one she did know was what Shane was pointing to, it was a little red dot with a line trailing to another one. One dot was were they were, the other dot was where they had to go.

"What's there?"

"Don't know yet, hopefully the refugee centre we were promised, if not there's something else, there has to be. If that boy came from another group, and then there's Hershel's place. There's more out there, we'll find some place, some place safer. Some place worth it."

"What about them?" Toby looked away from Shane and over to where the RV was.

"They have Rick, or they think they do. He has no idea what he's doing, he doesn't know how to keep them safe."

"But he said they're killing that guy, and that's what you said he should do."

"He's got the whole day to back out, and even if he doesnt, it took him too long to understand how this works."

Toby pressed her lips together, fighting to keep her expression unreadable as she stared down at the map.

"Listen, I'm going to tell you something," Shane said, prompting the girl to look his way. "Back in Atlanta, I thought Rick was dead. And . . . And when he came back, right then, right there, you see . . . I wished he was. Not-not because Lori would be mine, but because I knew that sooner or later, he would be dead. You see, Rick . . . He ain't built for this world. Not for what it is now."

"Then . . ." Toby thought it all over before speaking, "don't that mean that you should stay?"

"What do you mean?"

"If he can't protect them, why don't you?"

Shane's eyes widened slightly, he felt himself frown as a sadness fell over him. He hadn't expected the girl to come to that conclusion, he wished she hadn't so he didn't have to think about it.

"My time is over, they don't listen to me, they don't trust me. They don't want to."

"Why not?"

"Because they don't want to see things for how they are. Remember what I told you, about nostalgia? That's the problem here. It keeps people from seeing things the way they are. And Rick . . . he's just feeding them."

Toby tore her eyes from his, her gaze being caught by the silver 22 dangling from his neck. She had no idea what to think about his offer to leave, for so long she'd wanted away from those people, and now she had a chance. But this chance unnerved her greatly, and she had no idea why.

"We got company," Shane informed. Toby followed his eyes to Dale, who was far but headed for them. "Come on, don't want him seeing the map."

Shane pulled himself away from the hood of the car and walked around it to lean against the trunk as Shane approached, Toby followed, not standing beside him but stopping to stand near one of the rear doors to watch the encounter.

Shane took his cap off and crossed his arms as he leaned against the trunk

"What's up, Dale?"

Dale continued to walk toward Shane, keeping his head down without a word/ Once he finally stopped in front of him, he stopped and lifted his head. "I wanna change your mind."

Shane let out a scoff that turned into a laugh. "What, you serious?"

Dale glanced at Toby, briefly wondering if he should really continue this conversation with her present. After considering, he let her be, thinking that maybe he would have a better chance of getting through to Shane with her there.

"I know you and I will never see eye to eye on much . . ."

"That's the understatement of the year, huh?"

"But, uh . . . you're not going anywhere."

Shane turned his head, giving Toby a quick glance before replying, "Nope."  
"And I'm not going anywhere."  
"Okay."  
"So let's talk about this like men."  
"Okay." Shane pushed himself off the car and stepped forward. "You deny we're in danger, Dale?"

"No, but there's a dozen of us, one of him."  
"There's 30 of them," Shane pointed out.

"Killing him doesn't change that," Dale quipped.

"No."  
Dale lifted his hand, his index finger out as if physically showing his point, "but it changes us."  
Shane laughed again, "you got balls, Dale, I'm gonna give you that. Now I'll tell you what, in a little bit, when y'all gather, you're gonna talk about this. If you've convinced them to keep this guy alive, then I ain't gonna say a damn word about it, okay? But I'm telling you now, man to man, you're wrong. And when this guy kills somebody, I ain't gonna need to say anything, because that blood, that's gonna be on you. You're wrong about this, Dale. You're dead wrong."

Dale glared at the man silently, not saying anything else about the matter. He knew that was the best he would get from Shane.

"I'll see you later," Shane dismissed him turning away.

Dale turned to Toby, "Daryl's looking for you, said something about checking those traps."

Toby looked at Shane, who only shook his head at her, "Daryl can wait. You'll see him later."

Dale watched as Toby nodded and said nothing.

"What if she wants to go?" Dale questioned, a bad feeling growing in his gut.

"What do you want, Dale? You've said your piece, now go."

"What are you two doing over here? You taking her out shooting?"

"Shooting? She wants to but there's too much to deal with right now. With tonight and whatnot. But I told her, soon as this mess is done with we can. And I'll be taking her out."

There was a small smile on his lips that made Toby nervous, she was very sure he wasn't talking about shooting practice.

Dale could feel the tension rising, he looked back at the girl, "hey-"

Shane sidestepped in front of Dale, blocking his view of Toby. "Tell you what Dale. Next time I need a radiator hose I'll give you a call."

Dale narrowed his eyes. With great hesitation he began to back away before leaving. Shane shook his head to himself as he watched the older man go. He turned around to face Toby before leading her back to the hood of the car.

* * *

Dale hurried himself back to where he'd seen Daryl before setting off to find Shane. Luckily, Daryl hadn't gone anywhere just yet. He looked like he was about to, walking toward the treeline while rubbing a thumb over his bloodied knuckles.

Daryl sighed at the sight of Dale, "what?"

"Toby she's . . ." Dale struggled to find words.

"She comin'?" Daryl glanced behind Dale as if checking to see if she was there.

"She's with Shane," Dale made no effort to hide the disgust in his voice.

Daryl scoffed and rolled his eyes, his irritation reaching an all time high, "'course."

"You-you need to do something."

"Me?"

"Yes. She looks up to you, she-"

"-Oh, please."

"It's true!"

"She stays around me 'cause I don't fuckin' coddle her like the rest of you. She likes to be left alone."

"I have a bad feeling. You and I both know what he did, she shouldn't be around him."

"So go tell her that."

"He has her on a tight leash, he wouldn't even let her talk to me."

Daryl hesitated, fighting to keep his conflicted emotions in balance. He turned away from Dale. "What do you want me to do, huh? I don't need this."

"Maybe you don't, but she just might."

"How you reckon that?"

"That man . . . there's something very wrong. You can't want that for her. You're the best she has, she'd listen to you."

Daryl spun himself to glare at Dale, clenching his jaw, "I don't give a shit what that kid does,"

"I don't believe that."

"Believe what you want."

"I know you care about her." Dale was determined to convince Daryl. "If you didn't you wouldn't let her stay with you, if you didn't care you wouldn't keep that light on for her at night. If you didn't care you wouldn't help her go back to sleep after one of those-" Dale struggled for the word, " _terrors_!"

Daryl's expressionless mask was momentarily wiped clean, staring at Dale in utter shock. The flashlight was easy to explain, Dale could've saw the light coming from it at any time of night. But the rest? The rest Daryl was slightly sure Toby didn't remember herself. She would cry or begin to yell in her sleep, sometimes even sit herself up in a panic. A lot of the times Daryl was either still awake, or awoken by her noise. Usually, she wasn't even awake at first, he'd gently push her back into the sleeping bag to lie down. He did the best he could to make sure her screaming never grew any louder. Daryl always felt awkward about it the next morning when it happened, but Toby never made any indication that he had any idea what he did for her at night.

Seeing that he'd caught Daryl off guard, Dale sighed, relaxing a little. "Everyone has trouble sleeping nowadays. I've heard her-and you. I hear you talking to her."

Daryl's eyes found his knuckles again, wanting anything to distract him from the conversation, feeling embarrassed and stupid.

"Not what you say," Dale said quickly, offering Daryl some form of privacy. "I'd never listen in. I've just heard, _you_."

After the shock wore off, Daryl grew angry again. Furious that such an intimate detail had become known.

Daryl struggled for a response, after a while he finally spoke.

"Fuck off, old man," Daryl wanted to sound intimidating and angry but didn't seem to have the energy for it. "She ain't mine, not my problem."

Dale looked the younger man over for a long time. The conversation was over, both of them knew it. There was nothing else to say. "You're right. She's not." And with that, Dale turned and walked away.

Watching Dale go, Daryl's eyes catch others. Guillermo is standing just outside the door of the RV, watching Daryl. He wonders how much of the conversation he hears

"The hell you lookin at?"

"Not much," Guillermo responded simply, before stepping into the RV and closing the door.

Daryl let out a huff of air, trying to alleviate some frustration. He had to get out of there, to be on his own and think things over. Just as he was about to leave, to go into the forest, a voice began calling out.

Daryl looked over to see Rick on the porch, calling out. He knew what that meant, and then he noticed the sun was setting.

It was time to decide Randall's fate once and for all.

* * *

 **Sorry for the delay there was technical difficulties.**

 **to the guest that comments i'm very sorry it was late but life gets in the way and we move on. I realise I made a promise and didn't keep and for that I sincerely apologize.**

 **to the rest of you, thank you for your patience.**

 **Thank you to NerdyWitch who suggested the scene with Randall and Toby**

 **Thank you so much to LaurenB16, KEZZ1, SaraTheAngelic, hazzaxkat, horselover949, moglefrog, Miss Luny and  kenzela for your constant support and reviews it's all greatly appreciated.**

 **Check out my tumblr: Tobyjustgone and artist has started doing art for this story, theyre on tumblr as inkworld77**


	29. The Death Penalty

**Guys, I'm so sorry for this wait. I hope I didn't lose you. things have been kind of rough lately so my writing went down the drain. Even so, I hope you like this. Made it a little longer.**

 **The** **Death Penalty**

"You once said that we don't kill the living," Dale pointed to Rick, furious. They'd only been talking for a few minutes and it'd already been decided they'd kill Randall. Glenn who agreed to side with Dale on the matter, backed down last minute, agreeing Randall was a threat. Dale tried his hardest to fight it, to make them see they couldn't just kill the boy for a crime he may never commit.

"Well, that was before the living tried to kill us," Rick spat back.  
"But don't you see? If we do this, the people that we were, the world that we knew is dead.  
And this new world is ugly. It's harsh. It's-it's survival of the fittest. And that's a world I don't wanna live in, and I don't-and I don't believe that any of you do. I can't. _Please_. Let's just do what's right! Isn't there anybody else who's gonna stand with me?"

The living room of the Greene home fell silent. Hershel and his family were there, but they didn't say much. Hershel wanted no part in it, he wanted Randall dealt with and Rick's people gone.

"Are y'all gonna watch, too?" Dale shook his head, blinking back the tears the best he could. "No, you'll go hide your heads in your tents and try to forget that we're slaughtering a human being. I won't be a party to it."

Dale turned away to leave, taking a few steps before stopping beside Daryl, laying a hand on his shoulder, "this group is broken."

Daryl looked away as Dale left the house.

* * *

"They're yelling again," Carl said. The two children were sitting on their own on the porch, they weren't allowed to listen in, Carl had tried only to get caught. Jimmy was the only other one that wasn't inside, he was holding a handgun, pacing in front of the porch. He was instructed to watch outside and watch the kids, though he barely even glanced at them.

"Don't get why, Rick a'ready said they're gonna kill him."

"Do you think it's the right thing? To kill him? Don't say it doesn't matter." Carl added the last part quickly.

Toby shrugged, "I dunno. I just want it to be done. I'm sick of everyone fightin' 'bout it, it's the barn all over again. Fightin' over and over in circles never makin' a decision 'til someone steps up and makes it."

Carl thought over what happened with the barn, "like Shane did?"

"Not sayin' he's right," _not saying he's wrong either_ , Toby added to herself, "just sayin' nothin' gets done until someone just does it."

Carl nodded, he understood. He leaned back into his chair, feeling the cold metal of Daryl's gun digging into his back. It only reminded him of the Walker he saw in the woods, making him anxious. He'd wait until no one was paying attention and slip the gun back into Daryl's bike. He thought about going at that moment, but the last time he got up to go somewhere his mother popped outside and told him to sit down. He wondered if she was near the door.

He contemplated telling Toby about what he did, he wanted to. But he could tell something was bothering her. Her face was scrunched up as if trying very hard to concentrate, usually her expression would be blank and she would be looking around, observing and listening. She was distracted, Carl guessed it was because of Randall.

"Did Shane yell at you?"

"Huh?" Toby pulled herself out of her head.

"When you went with him earlier, did he yell because we saw Randall?"

Toby shook her head, "actually he didn't bring it up. I think he forgot . . ."

"Seriously? Then what did he want you for?"

Toby lifted her head to meet Carl's eyes. He knew she wanted to tell him something, just like he wanted to tell her something. But before either of them could say a word, the front door flew open and Dale stormed out of the house.

The kids watched him as he began to descend down the porch steps, but suddenly he froze. He glanced at Carl and Toby, hesitating before walking to them, looking at Toby with tears in his eyes.

"I don't know what he tells you. But do not let him fool you into thinking this is right. Don't let him get inside your head. This is _wrong, they all know it they just refuse to see it, they're too scared. We shouldn't have to kill to feel safe. This should've been our moment, to remake the world. Instead we're at each other's throats, we're no better than cavemen, waving sticks at each other. We blew it." Dale's voice cracked as he turned away from the children and walked off the porch, Jimmy watching him closely._

Toby and Carl exchanged looks, neither of them saying anything.

"Who's he talking about? My dad?"

Toby didn't respond. She looked down at her feet and kicked off the big red boots. Her feet were hot while her body was cold. Winter was on its way but the boots weren't comfortable, she wished she had shoes that fit.

Soon after the rest of the group went outside. Most of them went to camp and started a fire. Shane, Rick, T-Dog, and Daryl went toward the shed where Randall was held.

"They're gonna kill him," Carl whispered.

They watched from a distance, not able to see much because the sun had set. But they saw the mens flashlights moving as they took Randall out of the shed and began to lead him to the barn.

Carl stood from his seat, leaving the porch. After a few steps he glanced back at Toby, silently wondering if she would follow. Toby, understanding, only shook her head.

Carl turned away and walked toward the barn.

"Hey," a female voice called softly.

Toby turned to see Maggie holding the front door open.

"You want to come inside? Eat something?"

Toby thought it over before nodding and following Maggie inside. She left the boots on the porch. Maggie made a sandwich for Toby and herself, together they sat at the kitchen table to eat.

"Rough day, huh?"

Toby shrugged, taking a large bite of her sandwich.

"Your people . . ." Maggie trailed off, feeling awkward and trying to find a way to bring up what she wanted to talk about. She felt nervous and wasn't sure why. "After tonight . . . may be leaving tomorrow or the day after."

Toby lifted her head, her eyes widening slightly. _Tomorrow_? She knew they'd be leaving after Randall was dealt with, but it hadn't really registered until Maggie pointed it out. Toby wondering if that interfered at all with Shane's plans, he hadn't mentioned when he would want to go exactly.

Maggie kept looking around, trying to think of what to say. After a few moments of silence, Toby had finished her sandwich, while Maggie only took a few bites. The door opened loudly and Maggie watched the hallway to see he would come in.

Glenn turned into the kitchen, forcing a smile. Relief filled Maggie when she saw him, she had no reason to force her smile.

"Is . . ." Unease filled the woman, about to ask if the deed with Randall had been done. But she stopped herself, glancing Toby's way. Toby didn't seem to notice, she was staring at the table, it was easy to tell she was distracted.

Glenn only shook his head slightly, indicating he knew what Maggie would ask. He took the seat closest to his girlfriend, then shifted the seat closest to her.

"You ask her without me already?"

Maggie smiled again, she could tell that Glenn was trying very hard to stay in a good mood and not think of Randall. Since Maggie had brought up her idea about Toby staying to Glenn, he seemed happy about it. He liked the girl even though he wasn't entirely sure how to act around her, he even seemed a little excited. Maggie wasn't sure why, but she was nervous, she came to care for Toby quick and really wanted to make things work. She didn't want Toby to go back out there after everything Glenn had told her..

Toby looked up, a little startled as if just noticing that Glenn was in the room.

"There's something I wanted to ask you," Maggie said, her eyes on the girl. "Me and Glenn were talking things over, and when it's time for you to leave . . . maybe you'd want to-"

The loud slam of the door being thrown open and loud footsteps interrupted Maggie.

Glenn and Maggie both stood, started by the urgency in Carl's voice.

"Maggie! Hershel!"

Glenn and Maggie rushed out of the room, seeing Carl in the hallway.

"What? What's going on?" Glenn asked as Hershel hurried down the stairs.

"I don't know, someone was screaming. Mom told me to come inside and lock the door."

Glenn and Maggie exchanged looks before Glenn headed to the door and stepped outside, Maggie following close behind him.

Glenn watched as he saw the others in the distance running toward something, and then there was another scream. Deep and blood curdling, chilling Glenn to the bone, he turned to Maggie, panicked, "What? Wha-What was that?!"

"I don't know! GO!" Maggie yelled back pointed in the direction of the others. Glenn grabbed a rifle on the porch that was usually kept there for emergency and ran after. Hershel ran out and followed after them.

"Keep the children here!" Hershel ordered.

Maggie turned to see both kids standing at the door.

"Inside, inside now." She said firmly, pushing them in and closing the door. Maggie stood by the door, locking it.

Carl looked at Toby, their eyes met and he said so quietly, she barely heard it. "I think it was Dale."

They watched Maggie pacing in front of the door for several minutes, biting her nails and every so often looking out the window. Until finally she unlocked the door and opened it, "stay here, lock the door behind me."

The kids watched her go, not moving until the door was shut behind her. Instead of locking the door though, they both opened it and went out.

"Wait," Toby said, trying not to be too loud as Carl started to run.

"We have to see what's going on!" He protested.

"Somethin's goin' on, we need a weapon or somethin'."

"I have a gun," he confessed.

" _What_?" Her eyes went wide.

"Come on!" Carl ignored her and started off again. Toby followed but not going nearly as fast, she could've, she was actually much faster than Carl. But seeing the others gathered in the distance gave her hesitation, she wasn't sure she wanted to see what was happening. Carl arrived there and stood beside his mother. Even with the distance Toby could see Carl's body stiffen.

There was a loud gunshot that made her stop going completely, about ten feet away from the others.

Then there was silence, stillness. It unnerved Toby greatly as she watched the group from a distance. The fog that surrounded everyone gave an ominous feeling, it seemed as if it wasn't moving adding to the stillness of everyone.

 _I think it was Dale_ Carl's statement rang through Toby's head, and just like that, she was running again. But just before she could push passed the others to see what happened a pair of hands gripped her shoulders, keeping her from joining into their circle. But through the others' legs, she saw something on the ground, there was blood, a body.

"No," someone said firmly into her ear. "Don't."

Tears pricked Toby's eyes as she looked up into Shane's brown eyes.

"Theodore, get a sheet from the house for the body . . . you know where they are." Hershel requested.

Shane tried to move Toby, but she muttered a simple protest and stayed put. She was confused, shocked and scared. She wanted to get closer, to see, but another part of her kept her in place, for fear of what she might see. She tried to pull herself from Shane, at first he wouldn't let her go, just silently tried pulling her further from the scene.

"No," she muttered, yanking herself from him. It seemed to work, he didn't reach out again, and she didn't turn back to see if he was following. She slowly made her way toward the others, she glanced at Carl, who had stepped away from the group to eye a body on the ground. Toby was close enough to see it was a Walker he was looking at. Her stomach turned over, as if urging to stop her from going any further. But she ignored her body's protests, her mind was in overdrive, and it wanted to see exactly what they were dealing with.

Soon she approached the circle of the group, maneuvering herself to peek through the bodies shielding the horrific event. She saw much more than she wanted to. Dale was lying flat on his back, his eyes wide open and his jaw slack. There was blood leaking out from a hole in his forehead where the gun shot him. Then her eyes trailed down his boody, seeing the mess of blood and organs that was now his stomach. Toby could barely gasp at the sight, blindly stumbling backward in shock. She'd seen many animals skinned, gutted, and bloody. But this was different, it was a person, someone she knew. Toby couldn't even attempt to gain her composure as she turned away, fell on her knees, and vomited the contents of her stomach.

Her long hair draped down, covering her face like a curtain but also in the way of her stomach vile, she could do nothing to stop it as some got in her hair. Toby felt someone kneel beside her, but as she retched again she couldn't even lift her head to look up. The person beside her made an attempt to gather her hair and hold it up behind her head. Toby grabbed on to the person beside her as she dry heaved and sobbed at the same time.

After several minutes, she was finally done.

"Come on," said the voice beside her, helping her up. At first she thought it was Shane.

"Where," she barely choked out. She was sure she wasn't heard.

"Tent," the voice grunted the word out. Toby closed her eyes trying to push what she saw away from her mind, but it was impossible, she gagged a few more times, but there was nothing else to come out.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed, suddenly she found herself sitting down, she looked around startled, only to see the walls of her and Daryl's tent. She finally made herself look at her companion, Daryl was beside her, sitting himself down.

Toby had her teeth clenched together tight, blinking quickly every so often in attempt to keep from crying. Her attempt was futile, the tears fell anyway. Her shoulders shook with every sob that escaped her.

Daryl had himself very close beside her, so close their shoulders were practically touching. One of his knees was up to rest his elbow on, his head down. Daryl wasn't sad Dale was dead, he was pissed off. He had no idea how it could've happened, it was all he could do to question the event. How did no one see the Walker? Dale had his rifle with him, why didn't he use it?

Daryl didn't say any of his questions out loud. The only reason he was able to keep himself somewhat calm was for Toby.

"Walker?" Toby's broken voice sliced through the silence, surprising Daryl. He hadn't expected her to talk at all.

"Yeah," Daryl told her stiffly. "Walker."

Toby put her head in her hands, neither of them said anything else.

* * *

Daryl didn't sleep at all. But at some point he was able to coax Toby into lying down, he doubted she would sleep, but after a long while of silent sobs she quieted herself down. Daryl didn't even try, when he was sure she was passed out he sat himself up straight. He only laid down thinking it would help her somehow, thinking that he would sleep too. She hadn't asked him too, but Daryl kept the flashlight on that night.

Daryl had no concept of time that night, he had no idea how long the girl was sleeping until she started jerking. Before he could do anything, Toby shot up into a sitting position, panting and whimpering.

This was the point where the screaming would usually start, he'd seen it enough to know. He scooted himself closer, hurrying himself so he could do it before the yelling started.

"It's fine." He started, his voice quiet. He slowly put a hand to her back. On some nights, this is what worked, but after Dale he wasn't sure it would.

"Here," she whimpered out.

"I'm here, right here." He wasn't sure what she was trying to say, he never was. He just went with it in hopes it would work. "Shh . . ."

Her whimpering quieted and she turned her head, looking right at him, her eyes were wide startling him almost. He was sure she wasn't really awake. "It's fine, everythin's fine. Just sleep."

Her expression didn't change, she only sat there breathing heavily. Daryl lifted his free hand to her forehead, the other hand still on her back. Her forehead was damp with sweat.

Using the hand on her forehead, he started to gently push her downward to lay down, using the hand on her back to support her weight. He was very slow and careful about it.

"Shh . . . it's fine. Lay down . . ." he whispered gently. "Lay down."

Once she was down on her sleeping bag, he placed the hand on her forehead over her eyes as he slipped his other out from under her back. He kept his hand over her eyes for a moment, feeling her shake slightly under him.

"Just sleep. Everythin's fine," he was lying. He knew it, and if she were awake, she would too. Daryl lifted his hand only to put it down again, the close proximity of his hands over her eyes tricked her into closing them. "Just sleep."

Daryl staying still and quiet for several moments before looking her over. She'd definitely calmed down and was back in full sleep. It was a few times he'd had to do that, though this time he was sure it wouldn't. That the panic after Dale would overtake her, but it didn't. The bad nights like this were becoming infrequent with her. He thought she was getting better. But how long would that last?

When her breathing was steady he pulled himself away and sighed in relief. After the first few times he'd been a bit embarrassed about it, not sure why he even bothered with her. He summed it up to not wanted to hear her screaming, he wouldn't admit it was about anything else. But when she woke up that night, it seemed that she had no memory or any idea, that they had any interaction during the night. He kept it that way.

Daryl sighed as he watched her sleeping form. He thought about going to relieve whoever was on watch duty, he wouldn't be sleeping. But he also didn't want to leave Toby. He groaned out loud as that entered his mind, when did he start to care so much? And why? Again he was tempted to leave the tent.

But he didn't.

The morning didn't come quick enough. No one really slept so as soon as the sun began to rise, they started preparing for the funeral. T-Dog, Glenn and Rick helped each other dig the grave and bury the body.

Daryl wondered around the camp, for a short while he whittled a small dead branch, making a sharp point on each side. He decided at some point to get his handgun from Merle's bike. Thinking he should have it on him or maybe give it to Toby. She needed to have a better weapon then those tiny knives if something happened again. But when he got to the bag attached to the bike, the gun was gone. He searched for a while, the tent and his bag, but didn't find it.

He sat by the tent for what felt like hours, and more than likely were. He waited for either one of the others to come to him, or for Toby to wake up.

Glenn came to him, after that he went into the tent to find Toby sitting up, wide awake with bloodshot eyes and wet cheeks.

"Was just gonna come get you, it's starting." He told her, not able to look her in the eyes. She didn't move or say anything, she looked confused.

"The funeral," he clarified.

Once again she didn't respond. He waiting a few beats before prompting her, "come on."

"'Kay,"she murmured and followed him out. Together they joined the other to where Dale had been with the others they'd lost.

The group stood around the fresh mound of loosened dirt. Dale had been buried next to Carol.

Rick was the first to speak. "Dale could-could get under your skin . . . He sure got under mine, because he wasn't afraid to say exactly what he thought, how he felt . . . That kind of honesty is rare and brave. Whenever I'd make a decision, I'd look at Dale. He'd be looking back at me with that look he had. We've all seen it one time or another."

Toby was standing next to Daryl behind the others. Before Rick had even started speaking Toby decided she wanted nothing to do with this, it made it harder for her,more sad, more impactful. Rick had much more to say, she was sure, but she left before he did. Not entirely sure where to go, she went onto the porch and sat on the chair. When sitting there she noticed her red boots were still there, right where she left them the night before. She slipped them on. The clouds were dark and the breeze was cold. She wished she'd put on Merle's jacket earlier, but she didn't go and get it. For a long while she couldn't will herself to move.

A long time after the funeral, Daryl came up the porch to her. He was hesitant at first, but forced himself to ask. "My uh . . . guns gone."

Toby looked up, confused.

"You know where it went?"

She shook her head.

"You didn't take it," he confirmed.

"No," she said out loud. "Can't shoot for shit anyway. Gun won't help me any."

He nodded. He didn't think she would but he felt he had to ask, "I gotta talk to the others, plan some shit. Find me if you need me, or find Maggie."

* * *

Shane was not pleased. Rick's speech at Dale's funeral he'd made the decision to keep Randall alive to honor Dale. To prove Dale wrong, that the group wasn't broken. No, Shane was not pleased, he was seething with anger. This was all supposed to be over by now, Randall taken care of, everyone leaving the farm. Him and Toby gone.

That was what his thoughts kept circling to, him and Toby, gone, leaving. He saw it as a goal, a place he needed to get to, and everything and everyone was an obstacle preventing him from getting to that particular place.

He hadn't seen Toby since the funeral, he saw her sneak off. He understood, he hadn't wanted to attend either. At that moment he was sitting in one of the cars, not planning on going anywhere, just to be alone, unseen. The map was in his lap and Daryl's handgun was placed on the passenger seat.

Carl gave the gun to him and confessed not long before the funeral that morning. Shane wasn't entirely sure what to do with the confession, Carl asked him not to tell Rick, but Shane knew he should.

He sighed, turning the map slightly to examine, almost hoping the map would reveal any obstacles he and Toby might run into. A regular drive, with the highways and roads open would maybe take them about two hours. But that wasn't the case, he'd have to find many different routes, the least amount of time it could take them was a whole day, but that was being much to optimistic. The most, he guessed about a week. That was assuming they would be able to keep the car the entire trip.

His gaze flickered to the gun every so often. It was haunting him. Reminded him of Carl, what he would be leaving behind. Shane folded the map and shoved it under the seat of the car. He grabbed Daryl's gun and got out of the car, tucking it into his waistband opposite of his gun holster.

He'd have to check under the hood of the car, make sure it was ready for the journey. He had to go talk to Rick about Carl, grab the tool box for the car, and get Toby. He had to go over everything with her again and it would save time if he did it while he worked on the car. He would have to take a some gas from the others, but they had plenty syphoned from the highway, so he didn't feel too bad about it.

The night before Dale's death Shane had put a small bag of canned food together, not taking much from the others in hope they'd find their own food. But being realistic he had to take something, he made sure there was lots of what he was taking so he wasn't leaving the group in jeopardy.

Shane saw some of the others gathered by the RV and made his way over.

"So what will we do?" T-Dog was asking when Shane approached.

Rick looked around at the others in front of him, not yet noticing Shane was there. "Maggie's putting some provisions together, enough to last him a few days. Then me and Daryl will take Randall offsite and cut him loose."

Shane furrowed his eyebrows, appalled, "we're back to that now?"  
T-Dog turned, pretending to motion something for him and Glenn to check out. BUt really they wanted no where near another argument with Shane and Rick.

"It was the right plan first time around. Poor execution."  
"That's a slight understatement," Shane muttered, placing his hands on his hips.  
"You don't agree, but that's what's happening." Rick looked around the yard, not wanted to look at Shane. Attempting to keep his confidence, he turned away to leave. "Swallow it, move on."

Shane stopped him, "you know that Dale's death and the prisoner, that's two separate things, right?" When Rick said nothing, Shane bit his lip in frustration. "You wanna take Daryl as your wingman, be my guest."  
"Thank you," Rick said, no real gratitude in his voice. He turned and walked away.  
"You got it," Shane muttered, about to walk away himself. He hesitated, watching Rick walk up the steps of the porch. When his eyes went to the porch, he saw Toby sitting in one of the chairs. Seeing Toby quickly reminded him of Carl and he bounded after Rick again.

He took a deep breath, knowing he had to keep his cool.

"You seen Carl lately?" Shane stood in front of the porch. Rick was standing on the porch, standing behind the railing a few feet above Shane.

"He's inside with his mother."  
"Look, he came to me. I wasn't supposed to say anything, but he was out in the swamps yesterday and he came across a walker stuck in the mud. He got scared, ran off."

Rick finally looked at Shane, looking over his face as if attempting to decipher something.  
"The same walker that killed Dale?" Rick came to the conclusion.

"That's the one."  
"I'll have Lori talk to him."

Shane clenched his eyes shut for a moment, not happy with that response."Look, man, I think . . . I think he wants to talk to his father."  
"Well, I need this Randall thing done already."  
"Man, that needs to wait, okay?" Shane couldn't understand it, if they were just going to let Randall go, there was no hurry, the outcome would be the same. Rick could take the time to talk to Carl.

"It's my call."  
Shane sighed. "How about I ride out with Daryl? Good for us to spend a little time together." He wasn't sure why he said that last bit, he regretted it immediately, it made it sound like he was scheming. And in that moment he wasn't, Rick was always the one to leave, to take care of something. He was so sure he could keep his family safer then Shane could. If he wanted to do that, in Shane's opinion, he had to _stay with them_.  
"Nah, I need you here," Rick denied quickly.  
"Don't think I'll handle it right, huh?"

"Didn't say that."  
"What you say?"

Rick didn't respond, only stared him down. They both stared at each other until Rick turned away, "we'll talk later. I have stuff to take care of."

Shane pressed his lips together, trying to ease his anger as Rick opened the front door and went into the house. After taking a minute to calm down, Shane ascended up the porch steps and went to sit beside Toby. Shane reached up for his Navy blue cap, taking it off his head.

"How're you doing?"

Toby didn't say anything.

"Hey," Shane nudged her and she looked up. "I know things aren't great, hell everything's a mess. But don't shut me out, not now. I need you."

"Me?"

"Yeah, of course. I told you before haven't I? The door swings both ways."

Toby hesitated, "I keep thinkin' I'll see him on the RV."

Shane followed her eyes to Dale's RV, "yeah. Me too, kiddo. Come on, let's go to the car and talk."

Shane put his hat on his head and led her off the porch. Before they could get much further, Shane saw Daryl from a distance, talking to T-Dog.

"Go over to the car," Shane told her. "I'll meet you in a minute."

Toby gave him a curious look before abiding, walking away from him.

As he began to approach Daryl, T-Dog walked away as the conversation ended. Daryl hadn't seen Shane, and was about to walk away,

"Daryl," Shane called. "Can we talk?"

Daryl turned to him, raising an eyebrow, "'bout what?"

Shane looked around to see if anyone was paying attention. He sighed and pulled Daryl's gun from his waistband.

Daryl's eyes narrowed. "The hell is this?"

"Your gun."

"I see that," Daryl yanked it from Shane's hands. "what the hell are you doing with it?"

Shane sighed, "Carl took it."

"He what? Why?"

"He went out on his own. He was upset about not being able to go shooting so he decided to do it himself."

Daryl scoffed, inspecting his gun for damage. "That was stupid, lucky he wasn't killed. You talk to Rick?"

"Yeah he was. I did."

Daryl nodded. Not sure how to fill the awkward silence he began walking away, "thanks."

Shane let out a breath, relieved that was finally over with. Next he saw Glenn who was at the front of the RV.

"Hey,"

"Hey," Glenn responded quietly, closing the hood of the RV, a screwdriver in his hands.

"How is it?"

"Dale showed me how to fix it, I think I did. For now anyway."

"It alright if I take the toolbox?"

"Sure," Glenn put the screwdriver into the toolbox and passed it to Shane.

Shane turned away and made his way to the cars. At first he didn't see Toby, he had to walk around the car before finding her sitting on the ground.

When she saw him, he gave her a sad smile before turning to the hood of the car and opening it. Shane looked around under the hood, inspecting the engine. I few moments later Toby walked over to stand beside him.

"It shouldn't have happened," Shane started as he looked her over. "If everyone wasn't so engrossed in trying to find alternatives, to keep that kid alive, more of us would've been paying attention. We would've had someone on watch. If we had dealt with Randall the way we should've done in the first place, that never would have happened."

Toby took in his words, not finding anyway to disagree with them. It all came back to Randall.

"And now we're back to the beginning. It's just going to get worse."

Toby scrunched her eyebrows, "what you mean?"

Shane quickly glanced around to make sure no one was watching, "they backed out, they're getting ready to let him go."

"B-But they can't. You said they can't. Rick said-"

"-Rick says a lot of things. Dale dying turned the whole thing around on them. We have a big problem on our hands. Well, technically _they_ do. I've known since the beginning exactly how to deal with this. This is on them now, this is on Rick."

"Do you . . . still want to leave?"

Shane looked at her, taking in her puffy watery eyes. "And I want you to come with me. If it were just us we wouldn't have to worry about anyone else. Just each other." When Toby didn't say anything, he continued. "Listen, I don't-I don't want anybody to get hurt, okay? Rick's my friend, Hershel, he's all right by me. Look, I just, I wanna know what it's like to sleep without keeping one eye open. I want that for you, don't you want that?"

Toby thought about it before nodding her head. Shane bent down to open the tool box.

"But we're not going to get that here," He continued. "Rick doesn't know what he's doing. There's nothing for us here. Do you understand?"

Toby took a long time before responding. "I like Maggie," she finally settled with. She wanted to bring up Daryl somehow, but she didn't think that would go well with how Shane felt about him.

"Toby, listen, I know it sucks but the fact is whether or not we stay with the group or leave, we're leaving the farm. They aren't letting us stay. You won't be seeing Maggie again."

She kept her eyes on the ground, feeling sad. Maggie was the only female she enjoyed being around. She acted interested in her without coddling or over fussing, or being pushy like Lori. She thought about the rest of the group, what was left of it. Glenn was nice, but they weren't close and didn't talk so what was it to him if she was gone. Rick she could do without, Lori too. But Carl . . . the first kid she actually liked, and talked to. She would lose that. Would he care if she left? Maybe, he always seemed kind of needy and whiny, whenever she wouldn't talk to him he would always try.

But she'd gotten through her whole life without other kids, why did this one matter? She wasn't too sure. But it didn't seem like a strong enough reason to disagree with Shane, so she didn't bring Carl up.

T-Dog, she liked. He was funny and nice. But again, what would he care? Guillermo was a neutral party, she was sure he didn't even know her name. And with his memory, he'd probably already forgotten they'd ever talked.

Daryl . . . was different. She couldn't talk it over because Shane might get angry. She liked Daryl, even though he was slightly intimidating at times. But that was one of the things she liked about him, he was assertive, he didn't care what the others thought or said. That reminded her of her dad. She liked going to check the snares, how he asked every night if she needed the light, she liked that they didn't always need to talk and he wasn't looking at her with pity. He didn't treat her like the other treated a kid. She wanted to stay for him, with him. She wondered if that mattered, what if she liked him, she wasn't sure how he felt about her. He didn't seem to mind her sometimes, but that seemed to be the extent of it.

 _Would he even care if I left?_ The question circled around her head. She came to the conclusion he might be relieved, he wouldn't have to babysit her when they went to check the snares, and he would get his tent all to himself again.

Seeing something in the corner of her eye, Toby turned, seeing someone walking toward them. "Lori's comin'."

Shane followed her eyes to see Lori, he was surprised and confused. He looked away, back under the hood, holding a tool in his hand and peering in. "Why don't you uh . . . go get some water?"

Toby knew it was a way to get rid of her for a few moments but nonetheless she left, almost grateful for the distraction from the conversation.

With Lori approaching, Shane found it hard to concentrate, he tried to make it look like he was focused on his task. He could feel Lori's eyes burning holes into him when she stopped beside the car.

"Wouldn't that be easier if you waited for some help?"  
"No," he said quickly. "I'll just . . . Just do it myself."  
"Yeah, you always do, just like that time you showed up Rick fixing our sink."  
"Yeah." He glanced at her briefly, picking up the tool box to balance it onto the car to easily search for the next tool he needed. "Just so you know, that's not the reason your basement flooded. You can thank Rick for that, using rubber washers with a metal pipe."

Lori didn't respond to that. For a long time she was silent. Shane forced his eyes to meet hers after so long, prompting her to speak.

"I made a mess of things." Lori's eyes began to water and she looked away. "I put you and Rick at odds. I don't even know whose baby this is. I can't imagine how hard that is on you. You led us out of Atlanta with no thought for yourself."

Shane stopped what he was doing, standing up straight while surveying Lori's expression.  
"Do you remember that night? The flames, the . . . and I'm sitting in your car thinking ' _We're gonna be all right._ _He's gonna make it all right. We'll get out of here_ _._ ' Then we did, _you_ did. And I never thanked you for that. Even though things got confused between us, you were there for me. You were there for me. You were there for Carl, for the group. Toby. Thank you." She pressed her lips together as a sob escaped. Lori blinked rapidly, trying to dismiss the tears.  
Shane furrowed his eyebrows, not believing what he was hearing.

"You don't need to thank me for that," he said gently.

"Of course I do. Of course I do. . . Whatever happened between us, whatever the hell we thought it was, and not just you, but . . . I'm sorry, Shane. Please believe me. I am so sorry."

"Lori-"

Before Shane could continue, Lori's head turned in the other direction. He followed her eyes to see Toby a few feet away, holding a water bottle. Lori turned to hide her face from Toby, wiping her tears.

Shane sighed, lowering his voice, "I,uh, I sent her to get water."

Lori nodded and turned to walk away.

Shane stepped away from the car, watching her go. He opened his mouth to stop her, but he didn't. He turned around again, this time putting his hands on the car to lean against it. He sniffled quietly, blinking to keep the tears in.

"Did I make her leave?" Toby was able to see how quickly Lori left when she came back. She could also see Shane was upset.

Shane shook his head, "no, kiddo. It's fine, she was leaving anyway."

Shane felt Toby's hand on his shoulder, squeezing slightly. He turned to her, forcing a small smile.

"What's that for?"

"You told me that adults did that to help kids feel better."

Shane chuckled. He remembered that day, Toby had asked him why he always touched her, she thought it was strange. "You remember that?"

She nodded.

"You don't think it's that weird any more, do you?"

She pulled her hand away, thinking it over. "It's nice . . . sometimes."

Slowly he put his arm around her, pulling her closer. She didn't pull away or tense up, she let him do it, then leaned her forehead against his rib cage.

He sighed, "we should've left a while ago. Before this got so . . . They're gonna give this kid a care package. They're gonna send him on his way."

"They'll probably change their minds again," she suggested.

He shook his head, "Dale's dead. They think this will somehow make up for it. And that's gonna bring on a war or something worse, and we're just gonna sit here and wait for it? But you and me, we're the only ones who see it coming."

"So we're just gonna leave?"

"It may be better to leave now but I can't leave them in the middle of this. As soon as this Randall problem is handled, we'll get out first chance we get. No hesitation."

"You know how to handle it?" Toby knew what he wanted to do, but when asking she was hoping for a different answer, a different solution.  
"Yeah. I have a pretty good idea."

* * *

Daryl was putting some clean clothes into his bag that Maggie had volunteered to wash. She also gave him some clothes to give Toby that were to small for Beth. They wouldn't fit Toby perfectly but it was better than nothing.

Daryl wasn't alone long, he didn't expect to be. But he also didn't expect it to be Carl approaching his space.

Daryl eyed him carefully as Carl stopped close by.

"Did it hurt to punch the guy?" Carl asked, looking at Daryl's scabbed over fists.

Daryl thought over what to say, not sure how he felt about being questioned by the kid. "I've been hurt worse."

Carl motioned to the crossbow sitting on the ground beside Daryl, "can you teach me how to shoot that?"

"Your arm ain't long enough."

"Yeah it is."

"Stick to guns, takes less skill. Where's your old man? Pester him."

"You let Toby pester you."

Daryl narrowed his eyes, not responding. He grabbed the clothes meant for Toby, planning on ignoring the kid and placing them in the tent for her. Daryl went over to the tent.

"I'm sorry I took your gun."

Daryl stopped, looking at Carl again. Neither of them said anything for a while.

"You didn't come yell at me."

"Ya wanted me too?"

"No."

Daryl looked around, looking to see if he could spot Carl's parents to save him from the awkwardness. "You ain't my kid to yell at."

"I'm sorry."

"You said that."

"Daryl!"

Daryl looked away from Carl to see T-Dog walking away from the house. "Come on, man! Time to do this!"

"Go find your folks," Daryl told Carl. throwing Toby's clothes in the tent before following T-Dog to fetch Randall.

"I'm gonna come with you as back up." T-Dog said as they started walking together.

"Don't need to. Gonna do this on my own."

"I didn't say you couldn't, just to make me feel better. Nobody's gonna be happy if you don't come back."

Daryl scoffed.

"Man, I mean it. I know we ain't friends or nothin', but we respect you. You've fed us, helped us. We owe you. To be honest, after Merle I figured you'd take off, most of us did."

"That what you wanted me to do?"

"No, man, listen. I'm saying we're glad you didn't. We need you. And I think you need us . . . in a way."

Daryl only stared back at T-Dog, not able to form a response. When they got to the shed T-Dog unlocked the door and together they went in to retrieve Randall, T-Dog had the other key to uncuff him from the wall. But he left the cuffs on him to walk around. They may have been letting him go, but they still didn't trust him.

Randall was crying, begging for them to let him go and not kill him.

"Will you knock off your blubberin'?!" Daryl pulled the kid up from the ground by his arm.

"We're not killing you," T-Dog said, grabbing him by the other arm.

"Y-You're not?"

T-Dog shook his head.

"You-You guys won't' regret this! I-I'll help, I'll pull my weight. I can-"

"-Shut up! You're not stayin' with us neither." Daryl growled out as they led him out of the shed.

Randall took on a panicked expression, "what? But-"

"-Sorry, dude. But you're people tried to kill our people. Not how this works."

Randall gave T-Dog a look of longing, T-Dog ignored him, trying to keep his eyes ahead. Surprisingly enough, Randall didn't say anything else, he only put his head down and let the men lead him toward the house.

Hershel and his family were standing on the porch, watching the men approach with Randall.

What was left of the group all stood scattered in front of the house, watching. Everyone had different opinions about the choice they made, but they all shared the same sadness of having to leave the farm once Randall was gone. The only ones that stood together were Carl and his parent. Shane stood the furthest from the group, his arms crossed. Toby went to stand beside him, surveying the whole group, everyone was tense.

Rick walked away from his wife over to the prisoner. Daryl took a step back from Randall, letting his arm go. He was sure T-Dog was fine to hold him on his own. While Rick talked Daryl pulled out his gun, double checking the safety was off and it was fully loaded. He wasn't taking any chances.

"We'll take him out to senoia, an hour there, an hour back give or take, we may lose the light. But we'll be halfway home by then."

"This little pain in the ass will be a distant memory, good riddance." Daryl remarked.

"You don't have to go, Rick." T-Dog said. "I told Daryl I'd go with him. You should stay here, I know Carl isn't too happy with you going."

"No, I'm going. I want you here, in charge."

"I just think-"

"-I'm going," Rick said in a strong voice. "Is the bag Maggie put together in the car?"

T-Dog rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, "I'll go get it." He let Randall go and stepped away. Daryl stayed close to Randall but didn't expect him to do anything while cuffed.

Rick looked away from Randall, his eyes searching for Shane. He saw him standing, his arms crossed and glaring at him.

Rick walked over to him, deciding to be a little more calm than before. He didn't like how standoffish he was earlier

"I know you don't agree with this."

"Damn right." Shane responded.

"But it's what has to be done. I know deep down, you understand that. Hell, on some level no one really agrees with this either. We're just leaving the poor boy stranded. His leg is still injured, we practically are executing him."

"Then I don't see why you don't just get it over with yourself. If you think he really doesn't stand a chance," Shane said simply, not looking at Rick but glaring across the way at Randall.

"That's not what I-"

"-That's exactly what you meant. You know this is wrong, but you're still trying to justify it, why?"

"It is not wrong to spare the life of another human being. Just because the world has changed doesn't mean we have to, we're still human."

"Man, that's exactly why we need to change. You're spouting so much bullshit you can't even keep up with it. We're supposed to change, Rick, we're meant to adapt. Humans have been doing it for millions of years we just had to do it a little bit faster this time. That's what it is to be human not letting a killer walk free-"

"-You don't know that." Rick interrupted.

"I know that he shot at you. I know that he ran with men that tried to kill you. Good enough for me."

"Stop acting like you know the way ahead, like you know the rules. There are no rules, man. We're lost."  
"No, no, no, man. I know exactly where I am."

Rick glared back at Shane before looking away, beginning to walk back to Randall to leave.

"I know this is what you want to do," Shane said. "but you have to know it's not proving what you think it is."

"It's proving we can still be civilized, that we haven't lost who we are."

"No, it's proving that you can't keep these people safe, Rick. You never could."

"And you think you can?"

Shane's glare became harsher, if that was even possible. He stepped forward as his face contorted with anger, "I can. And I will, _right now_."

Shane shoved passed Rick, stomping his way to Randall and Daryl he pulled his gun out of his holster.

Rick launched himself forward grabbing onto Shane to try and stop him. Shane stumbled a bit, but was able to push Rick off of him, at the same time, his cap fell off his head and onto the ground.

"Daryl, move!" Shane shouted with his gun raised.

Daryl turned when he heard the voice, just as the trigger was pulled. He only had a split second of warning and was only inches away as the bullet made its way into Randall's skull.

There were gasps, yelps, and screams and from some of the others; silence. Shane paid no attention to any of it. He only turned around to face Rick.

"I know exactly where I am, Rick! Right here! Where the hell are you?!"

* * *

 **I'm so sorry for the super long delay, the whole dale thing was hard and awkward for me to write I never felt like it was right. It was hard to do Toby's reaction, I hoped you enjoyed it all.**

 **Some of you may know I did a Talking Dead story for this, it's on my profile. since the next chapter will mark the end of the second season I'm thinking of doing another. Let me know what you think of that :)**

 **Thank you for being so patient. I hope I didn't lose any of you. Schools been a little rough and I've been emotionally done. There's this asshole in my class I can't seem to shake. Everythings kind of a mess right now.**

 **Let me know what you guys think of another talking dead chapter and let me know what you thought of this chapter! Lots of drama to come. Dont be shy to message or review!**

 **-Penn**


	30. El Heroe Fallido

**El Heroe Fallido**

Toby stood by herself between the RV and tents, unsure what to do with herself. Toby glanced behind her, she was only a short distance from Randall's body, which was covered by a sheet.

Most of the group retreated into the house after the incident, she wasn't sure if anyone was still outside, besides Shane. Shane merely stormed away after killing Randall.

Toby felt conflicted and lost, she'd agreed with Shane. It was better to kill Randall rather than risk any danger he would bring. But at that moment, seeing the body, watching as his life was ended, she felt differently. It bothered her more than she wanted to admit.

Since Shane brought up taking her with him when he left, she knew she would have to make a choice at some point. This would be that point. The group was meeting together to talk about what to do with Shane. She knew he would be leaving that very day, there was no other option for him.

But when it was time for him to go, he would be expecting her to go with him. And she still had no idea what she wanted. She didn't want to stay, but she didn't want to leave either.

 _Why can't daddy be here to make all these easier?_ She questioned to herself.

Looking away from Randall's body, she turned to Daryl's tent. She decided to go in and hide until things settled down. She also thought Daryl might have some leftover food somewhere in there, she couldn't remember when she'd eaten last.

Just as Toby took her steps toward the tent, someone gripped her arm. She turned, surprised to see it was Shane. Before she could get any kind of reaction out he began hurriedly pulling her along with him. Too shocked to fight him, she let him lead her away from the tents.

"Wha-What are-"

"-Come on," he said quickly, a certain sharpness in his tone. "We don't have much time."

"You're leaving?" She knew the answer but couldn't help but ask.

"We're getting out of here, right now. We have to be quick."

"Right now?"

"Yes, right now. They're all talking about me in there. I'm going to have to leave either way, they aren't okay with what I did. It's best to be gone before they're done. It's easier on everybody that way."

Panic arose in Toby as they neared the cars. She yanked her arm from his grip and stepped away. "Wait!"

Shane looked down at her, his features tense and fierce emotion danced in his eyes. There were only a few times she'd seen that look in his eyes, and it scared her.

"What is it? We don't have time for this."

"I . . ." she had no idea what to say, she didn't know what she wanted. She wasn't sure she wanted to leave but she knew she didn't want Shane to be gone. She couldn't lose him, not like they had lost everyone else. "We can't . . . not yet."

He sighed, putting his arm around both her shoulders urgently in order to lead her away.

"We're going to stop into town first, to the pharmacy. See if there's anything worth taking. Winters coming so it won't be a bad idea to get some cold pills."

Toby shook her head, and ducked under his arm stepping back again.

"No."

"No what? Toby, get in the car."

"No," Toby shook her head again, glancing toward the house. But there was no one in sight. "Not now."

" _Now_ , we talked about this. " Shane was getting more frustrated with each passing second. "We're leaving."

"You talked about this!"

Shane glanced at the house when she raised her voice, making sure it hadn't caught anyones attention.

Toby was confusing herself, she was never sure what she wanted to do, she was sure she would just go with Shane. But at that moment, it felt like everything was going too fast. And she still hadn't figured out how she felt about him killing Randall.

Shane stepped forward toward her once again. But Toby quickly stepped away.

"No!" She had no idea what else to say or do.

" _Que pasa_?"

Shane's whole body spun around, startled. Toby stayed put, leaning so she could see Guillermo, who was several feet from both of them, but gazing at the two with confusion.

"What is going on?" Guillermo said when neither of them answered.

"Get in the car," he demanded through clenched teeth, not turning his head to look at her. But she didn't move. "Now!"

" _Oye_! Don't look too much like she wants to, _gringo_." Guillermo stepped forward slowly, his eyebrows forward.

"This has nothing to do with you," Shane told him.

"I may not know much, but-"

"-You're right there. You don't know shit."

" _But_ ," Guillermo continued. "it looks like your taking this girl somewhere she do not want to be. And I am here watching you do it. I say that has everything to do with me."

"Watching and not doing a damn thing, isn't that what you're good at?"

"You . . ." the word from Guillermo's mouth sounded more like a grunt then anything, he glared hard at Shane, obviously at a loss for a response. Suddenly, Guillermo took a quick step forward, as if about to take action.

In a quick movement Shane took his Glock from his holster and pointed it at Guillermo.

Toby practically jumped backward in shock. She kept looking in between the men, not sure what to do. Guillermo's eyes flashed between Shane's and the gun several times.

"Back off," Shane warned. "Just walk away."

Guillermo's eyes narrowed in concentration, his eyes turned to the house, as if just realising something. Guillermo even took a step back and put his arms up, as if surrendering.

Just as he opened his mouth Shane cocked his gun, placing the bullet in the chamber. "Think. Think before you open your mouth. Now's a really bad time to act stupid."

Guillermo said nothing, he only glared, but he didn't look ready to back down.

"PIck another time to be a hero, you missed your chance," Shane prompted.

Shane watched Guillermo, waiting. When nothing happened, he spoke again more quietly, "Let's go." Shane began backing up without looking at Toby. He nudged her with his free hand. Toby stared in shock and fear, not sure what to do otherwise. Looking back at Guillermo, she followed Shane.

Shane opened the passenger door, not letting Guillermo out of his sight as he held the gun up.

"Get in," Shane repeated.

Looking once again at the gun, Toby slowly stepped forward and lowered herself into the car.

"You don't say anything. To anybody. You got it?"

Guillermo still said nothing, his jaw was tensed tight as he ground his teeth together in frustration. Shane took that as an affirmative and after double checking Toby was in the car, he shut her door.

Then he made his way around the car, hurrying his pace as he kept the gun pointed at Guillermo. When Guillermo still didn't move, Shane opened the door and got into the front seat, placing his gun in his holster as he turned the key in the ignition.

Guillermo stood still, watching with his fists clenched as the car drove off.

* * *

Rick was pacing in the kitchen of the Greene family home. Glenn was leaning against the counter, watching him. The others in the group were in the living room, waiting for Rick.

"We should get in there," Glenn said, "they're waiting for you."

"I know, I just . . . I'm trying to figure out what to say. This is my fault."

"It's not. None of us knew Shane would react that way. I thought he would argue but I didn't think he would just kill the guy."

Rick shook his head, "I should've . . . I should've done something sooner."

"Sooner?" Glenn repeated, looking closely at Rick's expression. "What do you mean sooner?"

Rick stopped in his tracks, lifting his head to meet Glenn's eyes. After a moment of contemplating, he checked the kitchen doorway to make sure no one was listening before stepping closer to him.

"Shane killed Otis."

Glenn's eyes widened slightly, before he looked down at his feet. "I know . . ."

"You do?"

Glenn nodded, "well, I had the idea. I wasn't sure if I believed it. Dale told me, said Shane all but threw it in his face. Why did you lie? Say it was the Walkers."

"That's what I thought, at first."

"I'm lost."

Rick sighed, leaning against the counter beside Glenn. "I didn't know. Not at first. I should've, I felt something was wrong, different about him. The place was overrun, pretty bad, I got separated and couldn't make it back to them, there were too many of the dead around. I decided to go back to the truck, figured we could meet there. I heard the gunshots coming from the other side of the school, it was difficult but I was able to make it there. Soon as I rounded the corner Shane was running with the bag, the Walkers had Otis. It was too late to save him."

Rick paused for a long moment. Glenn said nothing, waiting for him to continue.

"I saw the change in Shane after, the short temper and what not. I don't know if I just didn't let myself see it . . . But if Otis went down, how was it Shane got his gun? He wouldn't have gone back just for the gun, there were too many, and we _have_ guns."

"You know for sure he did it?"

"He told me, few days after. He said it was Otis or Sophia, and we look out for our own."

"He's a loose canon," Glenn said, "we have to tell them."

"About Otis? No." Rick shook his head. "Being a loose canon, I'm sure they already know."

"They should know."

"No, they don't need to. They've already seen Shane kill someone. We don't need to make a list for them."

"But Hershel and his family, they deserve to know."

"We can't make it worse, he hates us enough already."

"I . . . I can't keep it from Maggie. I can't."

Rick met Glenn's eyes with a tired expression. After a moment, he gave him a nod of understanding, "do what you have to, Glenn. But don't do it now."

Glenn nodded. Together the two men went into the livingroom to see the others.

"Everyone here?" Rick asked.

"Daryl and Guillermo aren't." T-Dog informed.

Rick nodded, "Daryl told me he was going out to check on his traps. Already told me what he thinks should be done with Shane. Someone want to go get Guillermo?"

T-Dog shook his head, "he's lying down in the RV. I doubt he'd want anything to do with this anyway."

"Wait," Carl voiced, who was sitting in his mother's lap. "Where's Toby? I can go find her."

"No, honey, you stay here with me." Lori told him gently. "She's probably with Daryl or lying down."

"What does Daryl think?" Glenn asked.

"Daryl said . . ." Rick hesitated. "I'm not going to repeat it exactly but-"

"-We can't kill him." Lori contested.

"That's not what he said."

"Really?" Glenn look surprised.

T-Dog also had a surprised expression, "yeah, I don't know if I believe you. Daryl hates Shane, I think he wanted him dead from the start. Remember that brawl they had at the CDC? _Brutal_."

Glenn shrugged, "well, they were both pretty drunk."

Rick ignored them. "Daryl said we should send him on his way or drop him off somewhere before we leave the farm, that way he won't know where we are when we leave."

"That saying he doesn't follow us," T-Dog said.

"He won't." Lori said, "he's been wanting to leave, he's planned it before, he told me. It just didn't happen."

Rick glanced at her. "When did he tell you?"

Lori didn't answer.

"Wait, wait." T-Dog waved his hand to get attention. "I'm still not over what Daryl said. That's exactly what he said, send him off or leave him? That's it?"

"I can't repeat exactly what he said, my son is here. But that was the conclusion."

T-Dog took a moment to think it over. "Well, I agree with Daryl. Shane may have not made the best choices lately, and obviously something's going on there . . . but in the end, he has done a lot for us, this group. He took care of us back in Atlanta. And as awful as it seems, he _had_ a reason for killing Randall. Not a good enough reason but I don't see him as a danger to us, in his messed up way killing Randall protects us."

Rick thought over T-Dog's words. Then he recalled the incident when him and Shane drove Randall out to let him go the first time, he was the only one who knew that Shane wanted him dead. He thought it would be best to keep it that way.

"So we send him off," Rick concluded.

"We could give him the food we put together for Randall, it's already packed." Glenn suggested.

T-Dog nodded in agreement.

The front door made a loud noise as it was thrown open roughly. Everyone jumped and quickly glanced toward it, seeing Guillermo hurrying in.

"Guillermo," Rick looked surprised. "Are you here to join us? We're discussing-"

"He took her."

"What?" Glenn asked.

"He took the little girl."

Lori stood up, "what are you talking about? Who?"

"The nutty one, he made her get into the car. When I said something he pointed his gun to my head."

"Shane?" T-Dog guessed.

Guillermo nodded, "yes, that one."

"He left?" Carl pulled himself away from his mother.

T-Dog made his way over to one of the windows, pulling the curtain back to look out

Rick stepped toward forward, "Guillermo, what exactly happened?"

"What I just told you. He pointed his gun at me and made her go with him, not much else to say about it."

"One of the cars is gone," T-Dog informed as he peered out the window.

"Who saw Toby last?" Rick asked.

"Not since . . ." Lori trailed off, trying to remember the last time she saw her. "This is absurd, she's probably just with Daryl."

"He wouldn't do that, would he?" Glenn asked.

T-Dog turned away from the window to face Glenn, "he hasn't exactly been Mr. Predictable lately now has he?"

"I just explained the situation, are you woefully deaf?" Guillermo said, "that girl is gone, you going to do something about it, _pendejo_?"

"I need to be sure," Rick said, a fierce look in his eyes. He didn't want to believe Shane had done it. "She has a history of running off."

"I'll check upstairs," Glenn offered, "maybe she's with Maggie."

Rick nodded, "I'll go see if Daryl's back, Guillermo will you check the tents and-"

"- _Stupido_ , no. You won't listen to me, I won't listen to you. _Incre_ _íble, puta de madre_!" Guillermo turned around, beginning to storm toward the door. "Jorder!" He yelled as he slammed the door behind him.

Rick continued, "T-Dog, can you check the front?"

"On it."

"I can check the chicken coop," Carl volunteered.

"I'll go with him," Lori said. "We'll check the barn too."

With that, they separated. After everything, no one could readily accept that Shane may have kidnapped Toby, they didn't want to.

Rick hurriedly checked almost all the tents, with the exception of Shane's, his was missing.

Just about to check the RV, Rick stopped, hearing someone running toward him.

He turned around to see T-Dog.

T-Dog shook his head, "nothing."

Rick turned back to the RV and went inside. "Toby?" He called, he checked the back but no one was there. Rick hopped out just as Glenn was approaching with Maggie.

"She's no where in the house," Glenn told them. "Maggie said she hasn't seen her in a while."

Maggie looked confused, "where could she have gone?"

Glenn glanced toward where the cars were, "Guillermo said Shane left with her."

"What? How come you didn't say that in the first place?" Maggie's voice had a sharp edge to it. She switched her gaze to Rick, "you're sure Shane's gone too then?"

Rick hesitated, "There's no doubt he left. One of our vehicles is gone, his tent is missing."

"Then what are we doing standing here?! That man's lost his marbles and you're just letting this happen?!" Maggie was enraged. "when did they leave?"

T-Dog thought it over, "G came to us, maybe five minutes ago?"

"We can catch up to that." Maggie looked assured.

"No, we need to be sure!" Rick denied.

Maggie looked appalled, "what are you talking about? You think he got her mixed up with someone else? We only have two kids here!"

Rick ignored her, not having a reasonable argument, "so far there's no sign of her. We'll wait for Daryl to get back and make sure she's not with him."

"That may take too long!" Maggie shot back.

"She's right," T-Dog agreed, "I don't wanna believe he did this but he's getting further ahead of us every minute and we don't even know which way he went. It's all guesswork from here. If we're going after him, it has to be now."

Rick ran a hand over his face as he sighed in frustration.

"Daryl's back!" Maggie called.

Rick quickly glanced at Maggie, surprised by her outburst before following her eyes which were looking behind him. Rick spun around to see Daryl emerge from the trees, in the distance, Guillermo was next to him.

"The hells goin' on!" Daryl shouted as he made his way over. "Why you got someone to fetch me, I'm gone like twenty minutes and shits blowing up in your faces?"

"Toby's not with you is she?" Glenn stepped forward, panicked.

Daryl furrowed his eyebrows, sweeping his eyes over all of them in a long hesitation before answering. When they didn't seem to figure it out for themselves, he raised both his arms and looked at his sides pointedly, "last I checked. This crazy is tellin' me you guys lost your brains."

"There! You made sure, now can we go?" Maggie crossed her arms defiantly.

"Someone tell me what the fuck is goin' on? Toby do somethin'?" Daryl asked, exasperated.

"Shane's gone," Glenn said, his voice not sounding too sure.

"Good riddance, let's just hope he stays gone." Daryl shook his head, obviously annoyed.

Rick bit his lip, not looking at Daryl. "We think Toby might've went with him."

"What?"

"Toby-"

"-I heard what you said. I'm giving you a second chance to rethink those words."

"Her and Shane are both gone," T-Dog explained. "Cars gone, tents gone, we can't find her."

"So you don't know that she's with him, that what you're telling me?"

"We do, I saw him take her," Guillermo corrected, looking very agitated, "she is."

"Rick."

Everyone turned, Lori stood behind the all with Carl at her side, who looked restless, "she's not here."

"What the hell are we stallin' for?! Crazy's right, where's your fuckin' head at?!" Daryl shouted in Rick's face.

"We didn't know for sure," Rick defended.

Daryl pointed at Guillermo, "he just said you did!"

"Only Guillermo saw it happen," Glenn interjected.

"They would not believe me," Guillermo said.

Daryl turned to the hispanic man, narrowing his eyes. "You saw it, huh? You didn't do nothin' about it?!"

Guillermo didn't even try to defend himself, "no."

Daryl feigned a move toward him, Guillermo didn't flinch. He only closed his eyes, waiting for the impact. Daryl stopped himself, only glaring at the shorter man, "to hell with this!"

Daryl pushed passed them all making his way to his tent.

Rick knew they had no choice, as much as he wanted to believe Toby was just hiding or gone somewhere, it was clear what had happened. He had let himself succumb to denial just like with Otis. Shane may have care for that little girl but he was obviously very unstable. Toby would be anything but safe with him.

"Glenn," Rick called, "get the guns from the RV. We'll gather and make a plan."

"No time!" Daryl snapped, looking into his tent. He came out a second later without his crossbow and with a rifle, one that Rick recalled to be the one Merle used on the rooftop in Atlanta. "All her stuffs still in there, whatever happened, it happened quick."

Glenn was already back with the bag, tossing it out on the ground.

Rick bent over, taking out a box of ammo.

"You're not leaving, not again," Lori declared.

"Randall was one thing. We all had the idea at some point but never carried it out." Rick straightened himself up, looking her in the eyes, "he just kidnapped a child."

"Rick-"

"What if it had been Carl?" he fired at her. "What if it had been _you_?"

Lori stepped away from him, "it _wasn't_. It wouldn't be."

"No it wasn't." He agreed, "but it could've been. Maybe it almost was."

"What are you saying?"

"You know how he sees you, sees Carl. since I got back I've been a threat to him. After everything . . . he's had enough rationality to back off you, Carl, this baby. But only because he knows, he knows this isn't his, none of it is. That rationality apparently does not extend to that little girl. I'm going after them, after her. We'll bring her back."

"Not alone," T-Dog took the 12-gauge. "Shane's lost it. I'm going too."

"I wanna go too!" Carl voiced.

"No," Lori and Rick said together.

"She's my friend!"

"Which is why you'll be waiting here for her, safely." Rick told him.

"I'll come too."

Glenn shook his head, "no, Maggie. Just . . . Just stay here, please? I'll go with them."

Maggie thought it over, "fine. You'll be more helpful with a gun anyway."

Glenn bent over the bag, taking out a handgun for himself.

"We really need to bring this many guns?" T-Dog questioned.

Rick nodded, "with what happened last time, we're not taking any chances."

"We ain't bringing another Randall back neither," T-Dog agreed.

"Alright, everyone ready?" Rick checked. He gave Lori a hug, then Carl before giving him a kiss on the head.

"Wait," Guillermo interjected, "I will come too. I let it happen."

"I'm sorry, but the car only seats five, we need the last seat for Toby-" Rick was promptly cut off by a loud engine. Everyone turned their heads to see Daryl on his bike, leaving down the driveway.

"Looks like we have a free spot, G." T-Dog patted Guillermo's shoulder. T-Dog turned himself around back the gun bag, he searched through it for a few seconds before coming out with a handgun.

T-Dog held it out to Guillermo, "here, take this."

" _Nunca más_ ," Guillermo stepped away and shook his head, "I will _never_ hold a gun again."

Guillermo turned his back to T-Dog and walked to the car.

The four men hurried to the car. Glenn gave Maggie a kiss before hopping in the passenger seat of the car.

"Bring her back," Maggie pleaded.

"We will." Rick promised.

"Daryl went right," T-Dog said from the backseat. "Looks like he thinks they went into town."

"Either that or the highway, but most of it is blocked off, that way makes sense." Rick told him as he turned the key and started the engine.

T-Dog was sitting next to Guillermo in the back seat, he held out a switchblade to the man, "will you take a knife?"

Guillermo nodded and took it from him, " _gracias_."

 **Hey everyone! I'm so very sorry for my absence. Finals were in April so I was swamped and had no time to write. I'm off school until September. It's odd to think I'm done my first year of college.**

 **I have more written, so I'm actually already close to finishing the next chapter. We just thought we can bide you guys over with so far. Thank you so much for your patience. I'm so glad to see so many of you stuck around.**

 **Next chapter we switch back to Toby's POV, I missed writing it. I just thought writing in third POV would better capture these events.**

 **I really hope you guys enjoyed this. Please review, I'd love to get your thoughts on this and what you think will happen.**

 **Tumblr: TobyJustGone**


	31. The Dead Gone World

**I met Michael Rooker (Merle) last weekend at comic con! I was so scared but he was the sweetest man ever! It was so much fun and I got a great picture with him.**

 **This chapter was so hard. I hope you enjoy it.**

 **The Dead Gone World**

I held my hands together in my lap, not really sure what else to do with them. The shaking had at least stopped a few minutes before, but the sickness in my stomach wouldn't leave. I'd had some time to calm down since we left, but my chest still felt tight with panic. Would he have really shot Guillermo? I had no idea. I didn't want to know.

Shane hadn't said anything since we left. Every so often, I snuck a glance at him through the corner of my eye. He looked oddly relaxed, relieved even. He had his window open, his elbow resting on the ledge.

"There it is," the sound of his voice made me jump slightly. "We'll park if it looks safe. Then we'll take a quick peek inside, see if there's anything useful to take before we leave for good."

I followed his eyes to the road, far ahead of us I saw that shapes of several different buildings, we were arriving to the nearby town.

"I'm sorry you had to see that. I'm sorry I even did it, that wasn't right of me. I wasn't thinking straight."

It took me a moment to realise he was actually speaking to me. I turned my head to see he was looking right at me.

"You're not scared of me, are you? You know I wouldn't hurt you."

I held his gaze, unsure for a moment. But he looked completely sincere. His relaxed expression was gone and replaced by a guilty one.

"Were ya gonna do it?"

He sighed, looking away. "I want to tell you no, that I was bluffing. Heck, I want to tell _me_ that. I . . . I don't know. My head wasn't on right, I wasn't even thinking before I pulled my gun. I'm just glad it didn't get any more out of hand than that."

 _Yeah, pulling your gun was bad enough, imagine if you'd actually shot the guy._ I briefly wondered what would've happened then. Would I have still gotten in the car, would the others come out when they heard the shot?

"Do you think he's telling them? That you threatened him?"

Shane shook his head, "I doubt it. Probably just went back to the RV and moped some more."

I looked away. I felt disappointed in that answer for some reason. What did it matter what he said? He wasn't shot, he was fine. Shane was gone like they all wanted. And me . . . was I even part of that same conversation? I wasn't theirs, it didn't matter what happened to me.

Then I thought about Daryl. Briefly wondering what his reaction would be when he realised I was gone, and not returning. _He'd probably be thrilled to have his tent to himself again._

"Shit."

"What?"

"I was planning to stop at that pharmacy Maggie always goes to, but I don't think it's up here. They said it was close to town, so it might've been the other way."

I looked out my window as we started passing some buildings. There was a Walker sitting on a bench, it stood as it caught sight of the car and began to stumble after us.

Shane slowed the car as he glanced around, "don't see a lot of Walkers, there's a general store there, we'll park. See if we can get in."

"Then what? We're not going back?"

"Kiddo . . ." he glanced at me, but wasn't sure what else to say. "We'll stop, see if there's anything useful, then start the trip to Fort Benning."

"I don't get it, why Fort Benning? What's there?"

"Hopefully, _something_."

It had been so hard to make a decision before, I didn't know if I wanted to go with Shane or stay behind. But in that moment, I knew, I wanted to go back.

But was it too late by then? What would happen if I brought it up, voiced my desires? The questions barrel rolled through my head, over and over, but I never even opened my mouth. Fear kept me from asking, but not fear of Shane, even after what he'd done, he'd scared me a little, but I wasn't really scared of him. He wouldn't hurt me. I was scared of something else. Since Shane had this idea to go, I was always right there, in his mind. He kept me in the plan, he _wanted_ me there. I liked that he wanted me.

A few seconds later Shane pulled up to the side of the road. "Alright, let's go."

Shane opened his door and got out of the car. I took in a deep breath before opening my door. As soon I stepped out, a heard a few different sounds. I knew what it was before looking, the shuffling of the Walker's feet on the sidewalk wasn't what threw me, but the hissing was what terrified me.

Turning, I could see it was the same Walker I'd saw from my window just a minute ago, it wasn't very close yet. I turned to Shane, who was still standing on the other side of the car, he was looking at the Walker.

He didn't move or say anything, he only watched the Walker come closer.

"Shane?" I said, he blinked and looked at me. He reached into his pocket and held the object up for me to see. I guessed quickly, from what I'd learned from daddy, it was a jackknife.

He tossed it at me from across the car. I caught it, but only looked back at him in confusion.

"You're going to get this one."

I shook my head in horror, "I-I can't do that! I can't reach! No!"

Shane began to walk around the car, brandishing his gun for me to see, "I got your back. But you have to do this. If it goes bad I'll help, but at some point you'll need to do this on your own. You've killed Walkers before."

I looked at the Walker, all to aware of how close it was getting, "that's different."

The first Walker had been lying down under the RV with me, it was easy, the second had been to focused on Guillermo to see me climbing on the bed and jumping on it's back. This one was taller, skinnier, and standing straight up.

"So make it the same."

"What?"

"If you can't reach, the best thing to do would be to make him your height. Knock it down."

"How?"

"Go for it's legs, the knees. You're smarter than it is. You can do this."

I stared down at the knife as the fear rose into my chest. With my free hand, I pulled the blade out of it's handle, unfolding it. Taking a deep breathe, I knew Shane was right. At some point I would have to figure this out, I couldn't just wait for myself to grow taller. Who knows if I would even live that long.

Examining the Walker, I could tell something was wrong with it's right leg, it was almost practically dragging it as it stumbled it's way to me. It reached out as it got closer, stretching its arms as much as possible, as if it would help get to me faster. I couldn't wait anymore, I would have to go to it before it got to me.

I could feel Shane watching me, a feeling suddenly overcame me, enveloping me as it drove me into determination. I was suddenly confident, almost prideful, I would prove Shane right. I could do it, I could be useful, I could be more than just the tiny little girl everyone pitied.

I darted myself toward the Walker, trying to ignore any fear I had. But when I did that, I realised how much fear was my ally. It helped me focus, it kept me in check to stay just out of reach of it's arms, helping me to duck under them and turn myself around the beast. Before it could even register what I'd done, I swung my foot hard at it's supporting leg. I'd hit it much higher than I'd meant to, but it was still effective.

Losing it's support, its weight immediately went to it's right leg, which very quickly gave out from under it. The Walker fell on it's side, but quick twisted itself around to try and look at me. Just as it was turning, I quickly stepped around it, my movements much too quick for it. I lifted my foot, using it to push down on the Walker's shoulder to lay it flat on the cement. Once I had it on it's back, it tried to reach me with it's other arm. I placed my foot on the free arm, pinning it. Then I shifted my other foot, moving it from it's shoulder, down it's arm to keep it in place. Then I made myself drop down on my knees, digging them into its shoulders. I raised the knife up with both hands and slammed it down, hard into its forehead. As soon as the blade penetrated it's brain, the movements and struggle all stopped.

Seeing it was dead, really dead, I lifted my head. Shane was only a few feet away, holding his gun out, ready to help if he needed to. He was staring down at the Walker and began to lower his gun, he raised his eyes to mine and they shone with emotion. His mouth widened into a large smile.

I saw a lot of emotion in his face, excitement, relief, but one stood out from all of it. _Pride_.

Seeing his pride, I began to feel my own as I looked down at my accomplishment. But once I looked down, I saw something very unsettling. The Walker was clearly dead, but it didn't look any deader than it had been when it was walking after me. It was the same rotting face and discoloured eyes, the same empty eyes, empty expression. There was only one difference, it was not _moving_.

It made me think of Carol, her frantic and pleading expression for Shane to kill her. But her eyes had held that same emptiness, she'd already been dead, she knew it, she could feel it coming. I'd killed a Walker before, but this felt different. It was the first time I'd really had to think about it, I had killed a _dead_ thing. We were killing the dead.

I forced myself to stand, taking my nose further from the scent of it's rot. But I didn't take my eye away from it's dead ones.

I didn't need them, those people I barely knew. I didn't need their pity, their grief. Their fake and feeble attempts to act like they cared, their weak minds that were still trapped in the old world. Staring down at the death that was below me, I could see the world now, everything was dead. Not dead enough, but it would be.

Waiting for Daddy, wondering where he was and what he was doing made me just as weak as they were, it kept me trapped in the mind of how things were before. Things weren't the same, they never would be.

Daddy was gone, Mama was gone, but that didn't matter. I had Shane.

Just as I thought his name I lifted my head, he was still standing there, watching me. As if he knew that I was thinking very hard. He kept his distancing, to give me space. I stepped off the corpse and walked over to him.

Looking at Shane then, felt different. I felt like I could really see him. His eyes shone with understanding, and I knew that he could see my realisation, my brief mourning of the world. He'd come to this realisation a while ago, before me, before anyone in the group. I could see what he saw. The world was dead, the people in that world had all died. Even us, we had died with that world.

Shane placed his hands on my shoulder when I reached him, his gun in his holster.

"I told you. That was great." He beamed at me.

I forced a small and sad smile, feeling proud of myself, but still taking a moment of the depression the realisation had give me. "Really?"

"No question. I'm so proud of you. Now you know what you can do."

I nodded. He pulled me closer, hugging me, I didn't raise my arms to hug him back, I felt stiff. I closed my eyes, savouring the comforting contact I wasn't used to. He kept it brief, which both relieved and disappointed me. I said nothing.

Shane turned around, scanning the area. Very far down the road there were two figures, Walkers. They were far and hadn't noticed us yet.

"We can take them," I thought outloud.

Shane shook his head, "no more detours, not unless necessary. Let's just try and get in."

I nodded looking to the front door of the store. There was a metal gate behind the glass, we would obviously have to break in somehow. But Shane didn't move. I looked back at him, curious as to what he was waiting for, the he stepped in front of me, holding his gun out.

"Take it," he urged. "I want you to hold on to this from now on, you need to protect yourself."

My eyes widened, "But-"

"-As long as I'm around you, I'll do what I can to keep you safe. Remember what I told you before? That door swings both ways. I'll watch out for you and you'll watch out for me. And with this, you can also look out for yourself too."

I stared back at him, hesitating. Sure, I'd used his gun before, but this felt different. It felt final. Slowly, I raised my hand to take the weapon.

"What about you?" I asked.

"I have a spare," he smirked. When I took the gun from him, he turned back to the car, I watched as he went into the passengers side and pulled a pistol from the glove box.

"Got extra ammo in there for the Glock too," He smiled at me, brandishing the weapon as if it was an improvement.

He didn't say anything else about the gun. I didn't either. We tried getting in through the front door, when that didn't work we decided to try and find a back door. We went down an alley on the left side of the building, the alley was heavily shaded by both tall building that stood on either side of it, on the other end looked like an opening to a backstreet.

Not too far down the alley, we came across a metal door. It was locked with chains and a large padlock. Shane contemplating it for a moment before using the butt of his handgun to smash it twice.

"Damn it," he sighed went it didn't work. He stepped back, pointing the gun at the lock, "step back and turn around."

I wasn't sure why he told me to turn around at first, but I obeyed. The sound of the gunshot, then the bullet hitting metal made me jump, bringing my memory back to Randall.

"There we go," I heard him mumble. I turned around, seeing the lock and its remnants on the ground a few feet from me. That made me realise he made me turn around so none of the metal hit my face.

He held the door for me and I stepped inside, keeping myself alert as I held the Glock at ready.

He told me to stay close and I nodded. The door let us to some dark store room, the air inside smelled sour and sweet, it reeked of rot, but luckily not a human. Most lucky food, or milk, maybe some fruit. I wasn't sure what kind of store it was.

We moved through the room, alert and ready. The room was filled with boxes and crates. We approached a door that was ajar, Shane slowly opened it. It made a loud creaking sound that made me cringe.

When the door opened we were finally in the actually store. The aisles were short and just about all the shelves were empty. The whole place was dark, but not too dark as to need a flashlight.

Shane told me to stay put, I nodded and he made his way around the aisle, searching for any danger, dead or alive. I watching him, the shelves only went up to his chest so I could see him clearly as he made his way down each aisle.

"We're good," he told from the behind the counter of where the cashier would be. Then we both began the real search of anything useful. Unfortunately, the place looked almost picked clean. As I made my way through an aisle I spotted a small box on the floor, when I got closer I recognized the picture of Poptarts. I picked it up quickly only to be met with disappointment of how light it was. I turned the box over to where it had been opened. Empty. Not even a wrapper.

 _Why the hell would someone just leave the empty freaking box._

"Anything?" I heard Shane call.

I didn't even answer, I just let the box fall from my hand to the floor. I had no energy to hide my disappointment. I kept trying to think of anything else then what we were leaving behind, but I couldn't, the empty shelves provided me with no distraction.

I wanted to tell Shane we should just leave, get it over with. But at the same time I didn't want to, that would make it all a reality. If we didn't leave this town we wouldn't be far from the group.

But I knew it didn't matter, he didn't want to go back, and I was in no shape to tell him I did.

I kept walking until I saw something peeking out from underneath shelves. I leaned down, pulling out the red box with pictures of square, salted crackers.

"Crackers," I called out, feeling the fullness of the box.

"Nice," I looked up quickly, surprised Shane was standing in the next aisle over. "I also got some batteries, some gum, Gravol. Nothing else."

The tone in his voice told me he was ready to leave. I bit my lip, thinking of a way to stall him.

"Maybe we should keep lookin'?"

He only shook his head as he glanced around the room.

I wasn't sure which one of us heard it first, I thought it might've been me. But I did know that everything seemed to stop when we both heard it. It was a low rumbling sound coming from far in the distance, it was too soon to guess the direction. For a moment, I almost thought it was thunder, but the sound never stopped, not for a moment, the rumbling continued non-stop, becoming louder with each passing second. The sound was coming closer.

Shane's eyes met mine, and for a while we just stared at each other, listening.

We both knew the sound. I knew it, but I wouldn't believe it, not at first. Finally, Shane tore his eyes from mine and he hurried over to the front of the store, dropping everything he'd found. The front of the store was mostly windows covered by posters, it was where the door was that was gated so we couldn't get it. I watched Shane, not moving as he watched out the window.

He was silent as we both continued to listen. The thundering of an engine coming closer and closer. From behind him, I could see Shane tense as the thundering came so close, and I knew it was in his view.

 _Daryl can't be the only one with a motorcycle right?_

"You've got to be kidding me," Shane muttered.

I wanted to ask, to question the noise and his reaction. But I didn't, because I knew. I began to move, wanting to see for myself, but Shane had already left the window and began pushing me back the way we'd come in. I'd dropped the box of crackers on our way out.

"Hurry, let's go!"

"Daryl's here?"

"Rick." Shane answered and he pulled me with him. That confused me, Rick wouldn't be riding a motorcycle, would he? Was it Rick and Daryl? Suddenly, the roaring of the bike was silenced, making Shane and I freeze.

"Shit," he cursed, before starting to pull me along. He pushed the heavy metal door open and we hurried into the alley. I turned to go to where the car was but he stopped me, turning me around.

"Can't go to the car."

"Why not?"

"Because they already found it," we were running then. I knew the group was unhappy with what Shane had done, but going after him? After us? I thought they would just make him leave anyways, unless they were planning on punishing him somehow. Was I the one in trouble?

"Shane!" Rick was yelling, not too far from behind us. "Shane!"

Shane looked at me as he pulled me with him, his teeth clenching in frustration.

"SHANE, STOP!" Rick shouted as loud as he could. And in that moment, he did, he just seemed to freeze in that spot.

"We can talk about this."

Shane took in a deep breathe, glancing down at me. Shane's eyes went to mine one last time before turning to Rick and stepping in front of me. I looked over too, Rick was alone, he had his gun up, holding it with one hand. Shane raised his gun quickly when he saw it.

"Put the gun down, Shane. We're just going to talk."

"Yours first," Shane practically growled, it sounded more like a threat then a demand.

"Okay, okay . . ." Rick complied, his expression nervous. He lowered his gun, placing it back into his holster. "See? It's fine."

"This is not _fine_ , Rick. What the hell are you doing here? Why are you here?!"

Before anything else could be said, footsteps interrupted them. Rick didn't look confused or surprised by them, not like Shane and I were. Then two figures turned down into the alleyway, freezing as they saw us.

T-Dog and Glenn quickly raised their guns, confused and panicked over seeing Shane's aimed at Rick.

Rick glanced at them quickly, "guns down."

T-Dog and Glenn hesitated but obeyed. Then someone else rounded the corner, holding his rifle with both hands, getting ready to use it if needed. _Daryl_.

From the distance I could see he was not happy. His eyes met mine with such an intensity I was forced to look away.

"Rick! We got Walkers coming, G's trying to take care of them, I'm gonna go help him," Glenn said.

Rick nodded, and Glenn left the alley.

"Go back, Rick! This is over, I left!" Shane shouted.

"Why are you doing this? Put the gun down!" Rick shot back.

"Then let us leave! Why are you even here?!"

"I can't do that, you know that."

 _Why? Why couldn't they just leave this alone?_ I found myself silently begging Shane not to shoot, but at the same time begging he wouldn't lower his gun. None of it felt right, not Shane, not Rick. It was bad.

Behind Rick, I saw T-Dog and Daryl were close beside each other, talking quietly.

"I thought we worked this all out," Rick tried gently.

"We tried to kill each other, man!" Shane yelled back, chuckling slightly. "What, you think we'll just ride off into the sunset together? Just forget it all?"

"Like you're trying to do with her?"

"I'm keeping her _safe_ , this has nothing to do with you."

"Out here? You think being out here is the best option? It's safer?"

"The hell-" Shane cut himself off quickly, seeing Daryl talk into Rick's ear. "What?!" Shane questioned, growing more agitated.

They didn't answer, Rick gave Daryl a look before Daryl turned and began to walk out of the alley, T-Dog followed him.

"What's going on?!" Shane yelled again.

"There's a small herd of Walkers coming this way, they just need to handle it," Rick tried to assure, stepping closer.

"Why aren't you going then?"

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Good for you then, because we are."

"No. Think about this, about her. You can't do this, you know it. Look at her, you have her terrified."

I narrowed my eyes, I may have been freaked out but what gave him the right to shift the attention on to me? I was so confused why I even mattered at that moment.

"Man, you come barreling down here with them, with your guns, chasing us down! Of course she's scared."

"And yet, you're the one with your gun still drawn."

"And it's not going anywhere until you back off!"

"You know I'm not going to do that."

Shane's face turned red with fury, "You're not taking her! You won't take her from me! Not like you took everything else."

"I didn't take anyone from you, Shane, that is my wife, my son. My baby."

"Not for long. You'll lose them, or they'll lose you all over again. You can't do it, you can't keep them safe."

"I can and I will. They are my family, my life. Not yours. Toby is not yours, what are you thinking? You want to prove you're better at this world then I am, so you take her out here? You're going to get her killed!"

"You aren't keeping anyone safe by bringing people like Randall around! You think you know how to do this but you don't! The right choice is the one that keeps us alive! You're going to get Lori and Carl killed! She needs a parent! I'm all she's got. You have your own family to take care of. It's my responsibility to take her away from the danger you're putting the entire group in! You took Lori and Carl away from me, you aren't taking Toby."

I stepped back, away from Shane. Not because I was scared of being to close, or maybe I was, just a bit. But mostly because I wanted to exclude myself, I didn't like that their current topic was me. Trying to think over everything, what I could do, if I should run off. I wondered if I should try and snap Shane out of it. I lost track of their conversation for a moment. I looked back at the two men, Rick was closer then.

"What?! What do you want?! You come to rip my heart right out of my chest?!"

"Jesus, Shane." Rick glared, eyeing the gun. "Be careful with that."

"You really did it for me, you know that? I'm nothing now, Rick, nothing! I've got nothing, no friends, no family, no respect, no fucking life! Because of you! Everything was going to be so good."

Things were escalating so quickly, and I had no idea what I should do. This would be a time where Daddy would say it was best to keep my mouth shut. I wondered if there was anything I could say, but I didn't want Shane yelling at me like he was at Rick, I didn't want him looking at me the same way either. There was so much I still didn't understand about all of it.

But I did know that we needed to leave, we needed to leave before someone else got hurt. "Shane . . ." his name escaped my mouth. I tried to force it out loud for him to hear, but it was a quiet whisper.

"Everything was so perfect . . ." Shane continued. "Until you came back!"

"Goddamnit, Shane, stop this!":

"We left! We were gone! You didn't have to do shit! This is on you, maybe this is why you're really here. This is what's meant to happen."

"Listen to me-"

"-No, Rick, this is the only way. This is what has to happen . . . you weren't meant to come back! You weren't meant to live!"

"You're gonna kill me in cold blood?" Rick questioned in a dark tone. "Screw _my_ wife, have my children, _my_ children call you daddy, is that what you want? That life won't be worth a damn. I know you. You won't be able to live with this."

"What you know about what I can live with? You have no idea what I can live with, what I live with! Wanna talk about what you can do, Rick? How about what you can do? Here I am. Come on, man. Raise your gun." Shane's voice was getting more hoarse, almost more tired.

"No. No, I will not."  
"What happened, Rick? I thought you weren't the _good guy_ anymore. Ain't that what you said? Even right here, right now, you ain't gonna fight for 'em? I'm a better father than you, Rick. I'm better for Lori than you, man. It's 'cause I'm a better man than you, Rick. 'Cause I can be here and I'll fight for it."

"Listen to yourself! Look around! What you've dragged this girl, this child into. This is keeping her safe? You think you're so much better then me then why are you so set on getting her killed?!"

I looked at Shane for a response. My stomach immediately sank when I saw the fury, the way his lips parted tensely. The same look he had before shooting Randall. His arm moved, just the slightest bit, and I knew what would come next.

"Shane!" I forced out, his name feeling odd on my tongue. I barely ever addressed him. It worked this time, Shane tore his gaze from Rick to me. His eyes seem to soften a little, and I could've sworn he was lowering his gun.

But Rick launched himself before I had time to tell. Rick had used my distraction to throw himself onto Shane, causing Shane to drop his gun as he fell. Shane threw the first punch in attempt to get Rick off, but it hadn't worked right away. Rick tried to keep him pinned but Shane was soon able to toss him aside, kneeing him in the gut.

I felt the gun in my hand lifting it up but not sure what to do, my mind reeled for an answer. But all reasoning was interrupted when I felt hands grab me from behind.

I shrieked and started thrashing, not able to do much with my gun before one of their hands grabbed mine, forcing me to drop the gun, "come on, stop it!"

The hand was dark, and from the voice I knew it was T-Dog. T-Dog was pulling me away from the brawl. I kept throwing myself around, trying to get him to release me. I was able to turn myself around to face him as he held me. He was yelling at me, but only because I wasn't listening. He wanted me to go with him, to stop fighting and calm down.

But that didn't seem right at all, why come to me and drag me away when it was obvious Rick and Shane were trying to kill each other. It had to be stopped or someone else would die.

"Lem'me go!" I yelled at him.

A gunshot sounded, freezing me into place. It must've shocked T-Dog too because he grip loosened slightly, I was able to turn my head and pull one arm from him to turn back to Shane and Rick. I only looked back in time to see a gun get thrown away from them. It was Rick's gun.

Shane brought his knee back and pushing his boot into Rick's face, knocking him backward.

Shane pulled himself up. As he was getting up I saw him holding his left side, blood seeping through his shirt. Shane scrambled backward, searching for his gun, he was able to get to it quickly, and from the look of where Rick's was, Rick wouldn't get his back.

Shane struggled to pull himself up, pointing his gun at Rick as he held his side. Rick, eyed him, slowly standing.

Shane was seething. "You come back here and you just destroy EVERYTHING! You got a broken woman. You got a weak boy. You ain't got the first clue on how to fix it!"  
"This has to stop."

"It did, I left, it was _done_. It's like you're just asking for all this shit to happen, you want me to kill you?!"

"You're gonna have to kill an unarmed man."

Shane said nothing to that. He only stood still, glaring at Rick. I heard noises from behind me and T-Dog, causing me to turn around. At the other end of the alley, Daryl had his back to us, he was fighting a few Walkers. As I watched, more seemed to emerge. There was another problem. I searched the ground for my gun, when I saw it I quickly grabbed it, T-Dog still holding tightly to my arm. As soon as I had it, he tried pulling me away again. He's talking again, but I'm no longer listening, only paying attention to the Walkers on one end of the alley, and Shane and Rick at the other. I don't thrash against T-Dog again, instead I root myself in place, pulling away every so often. He's not trying as hard anymore, it was obvious he was trying to figure out what to do. Leave to help Daryl, or somehow help Rick.

In the next moment, we hear Glenn yelling from behind Rick. I didn't know what he was saying, but Rick didn't seem to care either. Rick and Shane didn't dare look away from each other.

Shane looked as if he was wavering his options, fighting against himself. I kept thinking he would've already done it, but there was something stopping him.

Shane was still quiet, Rick took that time to speak. "Now listen to me, Shane. There is still a way back from this." Rick began to slowly step closer. I watched them warily. It felt wrong, but I didn't know what to do. "Nothing has happened here. You're gonna lay down your gun and we're gonna go back to the farm _together_. Back to Lori. Back to Carl. Put this all behind us."

I blinked, standing very still as he went closer to Shane. Could we really just go back? I wanted to believe it, but it still felt wrong.

"Put the gun down. Please. I know you, you don't want to do this. Watch my hand, easy does it," With every word Rick stepped closer. Shane was in reaching distance. "We'll take Toby back, where it's safe. Away from here."

At the mention of me, Shane turned his head, his eyes met mine. They had softened, his face much more relaxed. The rage was gone, and Shane was back.

As soon as Shane had lost focus of Rick, Rick thrusted his hand into Shane's abdomen.

Shane's head dropped as he let out a cry, keeling over onto Rick. I gasped, seeing Rick's hand was still in place around the hilt of a knife, a knife deeply lodged into Shane.

"No!" I screamed attempting to launch myself forward. But T-Dog was quick, wrapping his arms around my middle, my arms being held against my body. I continued to scream, barely paying attention as I struggled to get away from him.

"Damn you for making me do this, Shane!" Rick yelled, but I wasn't looking at him, I could only hear. "This was you, not me! You did this to us! This was you, not me-not me!"

"Rick!" Someone yelled. I heard other things in the background as I stared at Shane on the ground, but I could not decipher them. It was like my brain had lost the ability to absorb new facts. Rick was suddenly gone away from. The Walkers must've been closing in, but that didn't matter to me. It only mattered for a moment, just for one second because T-Dog was forced to release me to help with whatever was going on.

I had never stopped struggling, so as soon as his hold on me was broken, I fell hard to the ground. But I didn't even notice, my focus was on Shane's barely-moving body. I practically crawled over to him, only caring that I got to him and not how. Before I knew it I was on my knees beside him, leaning over him.

His eyes met mine and the air was suddenly drained from my longs. His expression was tense as he winced from the pain. A drop of blood escaped the corner of his lips, leaking down his jaw. I'd dropped the gun somewhere beside me, it didn't matter.

I looked to his abdomen, my hands hovering over his bloody shirt. A sob escaped from my throat.

The gunshot had got him in the lower left of his abdomen, while the knife wound was closer to the left of his chest. The knife was gone, Rick had taken it out. The two large circles of blood from the wounds had met, and only kept spreading. I whimpered, feeling hot tears escaping my eyes.

I stared at the knife wound, _had it hit something, was that his heart?_

I suddenly realised I knew the anatomy of a rabbit better than a human. _Pressure? Pressure, right?_

My thoughts barely registering, I decided the knife wound was worse than the gunshot and crossed both my hands over it pressing down.

Feeling the hot mess of blood beneath my palms caused me to sob harder.

"No, no, no," I muttered, unsure of what else to do as I cried.

"I-a-I . . . I-" a nonsense string of sounds were escaping Shane's mouth, I couldn't tell if he was choking or trying to speak.

I looked at his face again. "What? What?! What do I do?!"

His arm was lifted, slowly raising until the tips of his bloody finger grazed my cheek.

"What?!" I screamed again.

Then his eyes shifted slighty as his head lolled. He was no longer looking at me, just off into nothingness. And then his arm fell.

"No, no." Was all I could say as I shook my head. I took my hands from off the wound and began shaking him. Screaming his name, but there was nothing. Nothing in his face, nothing in his eyes. Shane was gone.

The noise of everything was suddenly gone, and I was only left with a ringing in my ears. It seemed as if the world had stopped. I could feel my chest moving as if I was breathing, but I couldn't be too sure that that's what I was doing.

I stared at Shane as my hands left his body. My right hand touching something on the cement beside me. I felt the cold metal of the Glock as I tightened my hand around it, not even looking it's way. The weight of it was almost nonexistent, as if I wasn't holding anything at all.

The ringing in my ears became louder as I felt my body go numb, my brain felt as it was vibrating.

I lifted the gun as I raised my head, my eyes searching for Rick.

But all I saw was red.

* * *

 **This was heartbreaking for me. Thank you for reading and leave a review on what you think.**


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